Even after days trying to put order to his racing thoughts, sometimes it still seemed too confusing to try. It had been a real headache.
It was kinda torturing, still. After all, he was only able to accept what he had done after a long, long while, when he handled the amulet of souls to the Crowfather to be precise. In that moment he was finally free from the whispering voice of her soul that tormented him day and night. The slightest though of her that happened when he looked at someone he came to love, hurt him deep in his soul, that many doubted he had.
It was still hard for him to think about that. His bond with Hayla lasted for eons, more than he could even count, and he thought it would last until the day he died. Being released from that bond and being able to feel something for someone else still felt like he was betraying her. And, of course, it was still something new.
But Maya's voice confessing her feelings to him was still hammering in his head, and her broken hearted face when he didn't answer it right away, or any moment after it, was still craved in his mind as well. She was probably expecting something similar to come from him, saying that she couldn't avoid that anymore, but she didn't get it.
It must've been hard for her as well. She had been feeling all of that for a while now, and, being honest, those were not the easiest feelings to handle at all, and she probably had been gathering the courage to spit it out for days before that and now was feeling dumb and stupid to have finally said it. Even though the struggle was for different reasons, he could understand her.
Several days passed and The Pale Rider used those days to put some order into the thoughts inside his head. For the first time in a long while, he was not certain of what to, but he was certain that she deserved a proper answer or conversation, and upon arriving there, he thought he would find her in her usual spot: sat down by the river, legs inside the water, but found her laid down instead, immobile.
At first, he thought she was just having her moment there, but something told him to approach and, by the moment he did it, he saw she wasn't conscious. Kneeling beside her, he turned her over to see her face showing she was in pain before getting unconscious, or, if she was only asleep, she had a nightmare. But He knew she wasn't sleeping.
He called her several times, and had no answer. He shook her a bit, and yet she didn't wake up. She was alive, he knew that, but it started to worry him the fact she wasn't getting up. She had no signs of trauma, fight or anything, as he knew that was completely impossible that she had fought someone there, but she was clearly knocked out by something. He gently picked her up, listening when she moaned in pain even unconsciously, and could hear her saying 'no' to something, afraid.
Carefully, he placed her in his bed and checked her up once more to be sure she wasn't injured. No signs of injuries, he just stayed around waiting for her to wake up and ask what happened and why she was lying there like that.
Maya woke up hours later with a terrible headache, could barely move that her entire body hurt, but the pain on her chest faded at last Death was right there when she opened her eyes and he saw the exact moment they switched colours while she blinked. It started to change from red to her hazel eyes with no apparent reason what set off concern in him as he never saw it happening on her.
She tried to sit down, disoriented and confused "Maya?"
"Death... Uh... Where...?" she looked around "Where am I?"
He approached the bed "We're at the fortress, can you remember that?" she nodded, still looking around, still confused "I found you by the river, unconscious, that never happened before. Can you remember anything that happened for you to black out like that?"
She still had her hand on her head, trying to remember "I remember just blacking out there and then waking up here..." she put her hand over her chest "The pain is gone.." and sighed.
"Why? What were you feeling?"
"It never hurt like that, it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I could feel myself being torn, crushed from inside out. I think.. the pain made me black out... and... I remember I dreamt I was walking around here for hours, lost, as if I didn't know the place and wanted to get out, without knowing how, feeling trapped, and then just disappearing"
"Maybe just a dream" he tried to comfort her, but thinking of it. He wasnt an expert in dreams, but tried to find any pattern on hers, to see if he could find answer.
"I hope so... I dont want to feel that pain ever again..." she sighed and looked away "But, uh... We had no training for today..." she said to break the silence after a moment, her voice really low and he could feel she was embarrassed. "Is... everything alright?"
"Sure it is. I just came to check on you." He checked her temperature and took a look again to find any wounds he didn't see previously "You should recover your strength." And he just left before she could say anything.
That was a big distraction for him and he wanted now just to focus on what in hell was that. He had a faint idea, but rather think of that only if no other answer popped or if he had any ways to deal with that, and for that reason he wanted to stay alert on her, but still gave her space. He saw she was still embarrassed for what happened.
She ended up sleeping for a couple of hours and when woke up stayed in the room, reading one of his necromancy books even though she didn't understand it pretty well. And yeah, he though it was the best time to make everything clear.
He inhaled deeply. It was unusual for him to be so apprehensive bout something he once considered so trivial. Later on, Strife would say it was because she melted his ice cold heart. He approached slowly, thinking about what to say, as he didn't want to hurt her even more. He didn't need to think much, though. At the moment he called her, she looked back and her cheeks were red almost immediately.
She avoided looking directly at him, a little embarrassed "oh, hey, Death. Hi. I... I didn't notice you there..."
"I know, you never do" and she laughed, nervously. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Way better! Energy restored" she giggled, closing the book. She felt awkwardly blushing again "But.. You didn't come here just for that, did you?"
"Well, I..."
"l mean, where was my head in that moment, Right?" she was completely nervous, saying it faster than she could think of her words "It was silly of me to say those things. I mean, it must've sounded crazy to you.."
"Maya, just listen..." he tried.
"So let's just forget about it and pretend it never happened and that this... completely awkward situation never happened as well..."
"Just shut your mouth for a moment, will you?" he interrupted her, a bit of fun in his voice and her eyes immediately searched any random place to look that would not be him... the Rider sighed "I apologize if I left you here with no answers and expectations, and if that hurt you in any way..."
"Nah, forget that. It's fine for me to stay how..." he just gazed at her and she stopped "Alrighty. Mouth shut."
"I was completely unprepared for that situation... I am not the one to easily talk about those things."
"Just forget about it, Death" She sighed, her eyes low. She just wanted that conversation to end, as she thought he had made it clear what his answer was when that subjected started. "its fine. You don't have to apologize to me, I'm not hurt" She forced a smile that he knew wasn't real.
"I have to. How could I leave you here with no answers, embarrassed and saddened, when I myself feel the same?"
A bit of silence followed after his answer, as she was still computing what she had just heard. She was literally frozen, but the colour came back to her face gradually. The Rider saw her eyes slowly brighten up as she finally put in her mind that it was real. "You... What?"
He sighed "Alright, You heard it once. Is enough" he chuckled.
Once the mask was still in the way, it was hard to be sure if he was joking or just being the usual sarcastic him, though now it didn't matter for her. In a sudden movement, without any other thoughts, the only thing he felt was her warm hug and couldn't help but to crack a smile under the mask.
There has been other situations where she hugged him before, but most of them were unintentional. This hug, he felt, was different in the touch. It had something, a feeling, and even though he could not forget his former lover just yet – she would always be part of him –, what he felt in this hug ignited something, as if he felt alive again. He didn't need many words, he was a very practical person anyway, but it was enough. Gently, he put his arms around her as well, pulling her even closer as she leaned her head to his chest, what allowed her to hear his slow heartbeats.
He looked down to her. Nothing had changed in that look. She just didn't realise it before, but it always had this tenderness and concern when directed to her. As to her, she had her eyes closed and the brightest smile he had ever seen on her face, the hug still tight. "You were about to cover all of it, weren't you?"
"well..." she looked down like an ashamed child. "I guess... I just didn't want it to get awkward between us and end up making you go away... so... Yeah..."
"I would never go away, Maya. Not for a reason like this. I promised I wouldn't let you alone, remember? You should've known by now I'm not the one to break promises."
"I know" she tightened the hug "I... Was just afraid to lose anything we might've built as friends... I couldn't keep that anymore, though, but I thought you didn't feel the same..."
He inhaled, looking up. "I've always cared about you, Maya. Perhaps wasn't always a feeling like... this one, but... It turned out to be" he looked at her "Somehow I knew there would be more between us than just that journey"
There was silence for a while "That... makes me wonder. Why did you save me that day?"
"You were injured" He said the obvious. "And I felt you were human. Wouldn't you find it curious a human suddenly appearing, half dead, in the Forge Lands?"
"Yeah, maybe..." she processed it.
"But at first you... Reminded me of someone I once cared about..." he sighed.
She heard his heart beat a little faster when he said that and he didn't say a word after that "What happened?"
"Maybe that's not a conversation for today" she heard his voice getting low, a bit of sadness in it and just tightened the hug and the silence followed.
After a long while inside that tight hug, they just sat down by the fireplace and talked, the Rider placing her between his legs in a protective way. Maya saying that she never thought that would feel anything like love for him at first, that their journey was awesome and that she hoped she got a friend in him after it all, as she knew she did, because he was there helping her basically in everything that happened after it but not love.
She blushed talking about that, still a little embarrassed, and said that the way he made her feel every time he was around her was something she had only experienced once, and she knew what that meant feeling it for the second time. "You had someone?" he asked, but felt her flinch and sigh deeply, hugging herself. "It bothers you. Dont need to talk about that if you dont feel comfortable to"
"I... never talked about this with anyone, but maybe I can ease my pain if I do..." she sighed "I had someone... that took advantage of the fact I was young, naive and immature, found his way inside my feelings, only then to betray me and try to kill my brothers and I..." she held back a tear and stopped for a while, looking at the necklace she wore around her wrist "We all got hit in the middle of the shooting" she put her hand over her old scar "At that time, my eldest brother was married and his wife was hit as well, but…" the lonely tear fell "She didn't make it… Neither did the baby she was carrying… I have never seen my brother so pissed, so angry. Until that day"
"What did he do?"
"Nothing. My other brother and I didn't let him. He had to calm his nerves first or he would end up killing himself… But I… I would search for that wretch in hell if needed. I hunted him down and killed him" those words left her mouth with no feelings at all, but she collapsed right after "If only I hadn't been so naive and saw his intentions right away… He made me fall so easy…"
"It wasn't your fault, little one"
"I let him into our lives… I showed him exactly how we lived… He knew everything…"
He wrapped his arms around her tightly, gently wiping her tear, and heard a deep and sad sigh "I shouldn't have asked you"
"No, its fine" she smiled "I feel better for talking about this with someone. I… never brought up the subject with my brothers even years later… Its too painful for Alex… and for me…" she took a deep breath "Maybe one day. I just want to forget this for now that I could share it with someone."
"So forget it"
She rested her head on his chest and they stood here, watching the day slowly becoming night. When Death looked down, she had fallen into a peaceful sleep and he couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face.