spilled sunlight

I know you want me, you know I feel the same way
Don't wanna leave you, by your side together here I'll stay
Let's change the weather, you and I don't ever have to die
We'll be forever babe, our love is the real thing

— "Sunlight on Your Skin," Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen

Caitlin's apartment.

Barry woke first the next morning.

Golden sunlight spilled in through the windows; it seemed like the heavy rain of the past few days had finally subsided. It angled across Caitlin's face, painting shadows and rectangles of light on her creamy skin.

She looks so peaceful, he thought, resisting an urge to kiss her. He didn't want to wake her, after all — she needed all the sleep she could get.

His arms were still wrapped protectively around her, her back pressed against his. He lay there, replaying last night.

It seemed like forever ago that he and Caitlin had slept together innocently like this. He could've slapped his past self for running away from their shared feelings rather than confront them head-on.

But a lot had passed between then and now. A lot had changed. They had changed. Barry knew that he was older, wiser, more sure of himself now than he had been a year ago. Maybe it's finally the right timing. Maybe it's destiny, he thought.

Whatever it was, he thanked the universe that it had brought him her, in this big, comfy bed, holding a woman who truly liked him in his arms. If you had asked Barry Allen two years ago what he'd be doing now, he would've laughed if you told him that this was his life.

So much changes in such little time.

He looked down at Caitlin again, only to find tears streaming down her face, the sunlight reflecting off of them as they carved tracks down her cheeks. He wiped them away softly with his thumb, then murmured, "Cait?"

She jerked awake, wild panic in her eyes before calming down and realizing where she was. "Sorry," she said, a little embarrassed. "I was having nightmares."

"It's okay," Barry said. "D'ya want to talk about it?"

"I was in CCPD again, and you and Zoom were fighting. He was going to kill you, and I couldn't watch…" Fresh tears leaked out from her eyes, and Barry wiped them away like he had wiped the other ones.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he soothed. "I'm right here. That won't happen."

Caitlin sniffled. "Wow, I've been crying a lot," she said with a teary smile.

"It's pretty justified, I think," Barry replied.

"I'm glad you're here," she admitted.

"Me too."

"I can make us coffee if you want to use the restroom first and get ready?" she said, stretching slightly. "As much as I'd love to stay in bed, we have a city to save."

"I betcha I can beat the coffee maker," was his answer, and they raced off to start their morning in tandem.

S.T.A.R. Labs.

"Argh!" Cisco yelled, throwing his marker at the board. "Where's Barry? I need a taste of that 'walking on sunshine' thing he's got going on right now."

Caitlin flushed. "How am I supposed to know where he is?"

Her friend looked at her strangely. "It was a rhetorical question."

"Ahhh!" she screamed, making Cisco jump. Barry flashed into the room, looking around wildly.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's me. I'm right here," Barry said, rubbing soothing circles on Caitlin's back as he hugged her, looking at Cisco worriedly over her shoulder.

"I — I thought I saw Zoom," Caitlin gasped. "I see him everywhere; I'm afraid all the time. I don't know if I can ever move forward…"

"You will," Barry said confidently. Seeing that his friend had the situation handled, Cisco left silently, throwing one last concerned look over his shoulder.

"How? He took everything from me — my confidence, my trust, my sanity… I don't know if I can ever be whole again."

Barry pulled away for a moment, searching her eyes. She looked younger than he had ever seen her, and lost. Helpless. Hopeless.

"He didn't take me away. You'll always have me. And it'll be okay. Maybe it'll take time, but we have all the time in the world. I'm here for you, Cait. Always."

She sniffled and pulled him back in, wrapping her arms securely around his back and resting her face against his chest. "You make me feel safe," she whispered.

Barry kissed the top of her head. "I promise to always keep you safe," he murmured.

They both knew that it was something neither of them could control, but they basked in the comfort of the lie anyway.

Central City, high-rise.

"I think I've just had the worst idea of all time," Cisco had said slowly. Everyone had just looked at him.

And so here they were, standing in front of Black Siren, Caitlin's blonde wig itching uncomfortably. She wasn't used to wearing tight leather pants and had to stop herself from constantly adjusting her outfit. Channel Killer Frost, she told herself. Killer Frost would own it.

It became easier and easier to slip into Killer Frost's persona — the woman was a badass bitch who took no shit from anyone. Plus, she was far more likable when she wasn't making fun of Caitlin and her outfits.

For the first time in forever, Caitlin felt normal. Hell, she almost felt whole.

And when the night ended, the Earth-2 metas safely locked away, Barry's warm arms holding her together and Cisco jumping joyously into their group hug, she felt safer than she had in a long, long time.

Maybe this was her calling — being out in the field, helping others, rather than worrying at the Cortex whenever Barry was out fighting.

Maybe a small part of her always knew that she belonged by his side… wherever he was.