Okay, I know it doesn't seem like it, but mark my words, I'm going to finish this story.
Lilith thought that it would be a quick thing with Shad, maybe he'd be irritated for a little while and then be over it. She liked to think that Shad didn't seem like the kind of guy to hold a grudge.
She was off by a mile, of course, but still.
The next day began with a rather tense bout of training. His new wave of "I'll throw shit at you and you figure it out" was already bad enough, but now it felt like he didn't bother holding back. He seemed to push at what Slender found acceptable, only stopping when the tall being rose from his seat, arms crossed over his torso as if he were about to scold the Shade.
It got to the point where Lilith didn't even bother with her shadow, instead contorting herself out of the way, all but throwing herself about the moment her joints locked up in protest.
Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Slender who stopped the one-sided beatdown.
"We're done for today." Shad's tone was measured, shoulders shaking ever so slightly as he dropped the shadows around him, each one collecting like liquid on the ground before disappearing into the grass, "I just… I can't."
With that, Shad disappeared.
Had Slender not been there, Lilith would have dropped to her knees then and there. Hell, she could have face planted and just stayed there. Instead, she pulled herself up, forcing herself to stand up straight before placing both hands on the top of her head, doing her best to suck in air.
At this point, she felt like taking Lizzie down would be easier than surviving another one of Shad's "training sessions".
She could feel Slender's irritation as a cold hand came down on her back, giving it an awkward pat of sorts before backing off.
"I see Shad is having another fit."
"It would appear so." Lilith rasped.
"We don't have time for this." He muttered, almost too quiet for Lilith to hear, before handing her a water bottle. He nodded, as if the two of them had come to some sort of understanding, before turning towards the mansion.
With that, Lilith slid down into a crouch, nearly burying her forehead into the ground as she did so. Her legs felt like someone had just finished tap dancing all over them with cleats, arms and back in no better condition.
She practically dragged herself towards the door, shakingly rising to her knees before pushing the thing open. She wobbled to her feet, braced against the counter as the pins and needles slowly faded from her skin, leaving her with an unpleasant throb in her… Everything.
She didn't even make it to the stairs, instead collapsing onto the couch. She made out Ben's irritated shout and LJ's guffaw before being pushed off, a pillow thrown at her head.
"What the hell were you doing outside?" Ben grumbled, voice muffled by the pillow she'd yet to remove. "Did someone die, or do you just naturally smell that bad?"
"If it smells like stress and panic, it's all me." Lilith muttered, moving as best as she could when LJ rose from the couch, giggling before disappearing into the kitchen, "But, if you smell degenerate pubescence, that's all you."
"God you're so much more funny when you're delusional." Ben muttered, using her as a sort of footrest if the two boots on her spine were anything to go off of, "Calling me pubescent, how very original."
Rather than answering, Lilith's hand shot up to grab at Ben's ankle, letting the weight of her arm and gravity drag Ben off the couch with a yelp. She couldn't help the huff of laughter when the game let out a sad trill, displaying the game over screen.
"You've got to be kidding me." Ben muttered, voice as soft as the pillow he clutched, controller forgotten on the floor. Finally, he turned to Lilith with an expression of pure betrayal, "How could you do this to me?"
"I didn't do anything. You were the one who messed up."
"Seven hours." He mumbled, more so to himself as he spiraled down further, pillow soon forgotten as well as he moved to hold his head, clutching it between his knees as he slowly folded into himself, "I've been at it, on this boss, for seven straight hours. And now it's just… It's all just…"
"I don't know what you expected her to do," Lilith wasn't sure who was talking until a familiar thin-clawed hand placed a small cup of water inches away from her nose, one finger moving to tap her on the nose before moving from view, "Normally children learn to stop poking the bear at this point."
"Well, up yours, you sugar-high shit bag." It took a lot more effort than she would have admitted, but after nearly choking on it, Lilith honestly felt better. Granted, her bones felt like they were on the verge of liquefying, but still.
LJ laughed at that, wiping away the nonexistent tear in the corner of his eye, "That's a new one! Well, if we're going to up the game a bit, my life-deficient friend…"
She had just pushed herself up from the floor when something was thrown against the wall, hard plastic spraying about, a piece bouncing off the side of her exposed lower face. She stared at the shattered remains of the controller, scattered about the floor, before twisting around just enough to see Ben's horrifically silent expression.
LJ must have spiked the water with something, because right before some awful voice-cracked-riddled scream could leave Ben's mouth, something cold and slimy shot up her veins. One second she was lying on the living room floor, and the next, she was squinting to keep the sun out, pushing herself up ever so slowly from the asphalt.
The sun felt blinding, just staring at the dark roadside was giving her blind spots. She all but stumbled over to the nearest shady spot, a hand automatically moving to cover her mask. She doubted she'd be going back anytime soon, if the raging bowling ball bustling about in her head had any say. With that said, she couldn't just pull on a pair of sunglasses and walk about Evergreen anymore.
"I should have just gone to bed." Lilith grumbled to herself, pulling her hood as low as it would allow, hoping she wouldn't melt in the stupidly hot sun, "Why am I even here, what in the fuck…"
She wandered aimlessly, keeping her head down as she shuffled around the edge of the town, doing her best to look as suspicious as possible.
Because there was nothing suspicious about a person wearing a hoodie over their head in the middle of the day.
She ended up making her way over to the high school, if only to find and bother Dimitri in his classes. Sure she probably didn't have the energy to get back to the mansion (And after how she'd left, she had no qualms with sticking around for a bit), but it didn't take too much to stand ominously outside a school under a tree.
She felt like she was taking a long stroll down memory lane, assuming that all of the street lights stopped working and there were more broken blacktop than lane. Each passing building awoken some long buried memory in the back of her head, an almost foreboding sense of nostalgia.
"Looks like old man Morton finally renovated." Lilith muttered, turning to her shadow as if it also had a comment to add towards the empty lot of burnt wood and weeds, "That, or the angry mob finally drove him out."
The whistling wind sounded mocking, which in itself just kinda hurtful in a weird way.
"Sooner I find Dimitri, sooner I can talk to a real person." Lilith grumbled, eyeing the dark shape following her as if it could feel her childish irritation with it.
Not that it would matter, she'd show up to the school soon, and from there, she just had to wait and watch. Judging by the sun and how long she'd been "training" (read: brutally thrown around by a moody Shade), she assumed that school would be done in an hour, tops.
She didn't, however, calculate the possibility that there was no school on that day.
It didn't fully hit her until the yellow police tape came into view. And, now that she was looking at it, the normally run down school was looking a little worse than it normally did…
"...Huh." Lilith muttered, eyeing the damage that Lizzie had left behind. It was a bit of a shock to see that the damage was being taken seriously, and by the "police force" of the town no less. Lilith couldn't help but poke at the tape, making sure that it wasn't part of some exhaustion-based hallucination (It wouldn't be the first time).
She could have stood there to admire the damage all day, but if there was law enforcement on this, that probably wasn't the best idea.
"Well that blows." Lilith grumbled, skulking her way towards the nearest curb to rethink her day's plan. Sure, she could go and harass Dimitri in the "safety" of his own home, but that was assuming that he was there. That and, if she was being honest with herself, there was something… Off about his mom.
Lilith couldn't shake this feeling that the woman knew more than anyone gave her credit for. Granted, it could have been her sheer determination despite what seemed to be memory slips, but still, it almost felt like she could see right through her.
That idea in itself was already unsettling enough.
Too tired to try and make the jump back, Lilith wandered about for a bit longer, kicking at the gravel as she went along. She didn't want to go back so soon, but at the same time, staying around looking like a midday mugger wasn't much of a good idea either. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't go to the mall and hang out, not when her face looked like it had been mutilated by an angry lawn mower.
With a tired groan, she eyed the forest line, dreading the long hike she'd most likely have to take in her weakened state.
Hopefully the long trudge would give Shad more than enough time to stop… Doing whatever he was doing.
"If I'm lucky, something will kill me before I get back." Lilith muttered, only daring to scratch the itch under her mask after breaking through the tree line, hoping that the outright declaration would offset her already shit luck.
As if to spit on her, Lilith nearly slipped over a random patch of mud, hands just barely fast enough to catch herself.
"This is going to be a long walk."
Apparently, it hadn't been long enough.
At first, she assumed this lingering dread in the air to be just that, lingering dread. She wasn't looking forward to returning, hence the unease.
She didn't have any second thoughts on that, not until the mansion came into view.
As if the dark cloud enveloping the place wasn't enough, the mansion just looked… melted.
The moment she touched the door, a sharp sting shot up her skin, like electricity but… She had no idea how to explain it. Her system was flooded with palpable dread, blood feeling feverishly cold.
An uncomfortably familiar shiver shot up her spine.
Taking a deep breath, Lilith's grip tightened around the doorknob, finally twisting and pushing the door open. The doom and gloom washed over her like a foul odor, nearly coaxing the bile to rise up her throat.
"Holy fuck what died while I was gone?"
Each step she felt panic tickle at her spine, the creaking on the wood boards of the floor and stairs doing little to help ease the coil tightening in her lower back. Just staring at the railing gave her chills, like icy daggers pricking at her skin before full on stabbing down into her nerves the moment she grasped the wood.
She nearly jumped when footsteps creaked above, head whipping up to stare the lanky silhouette down. Not once had she thought the clown looked threatening, hell, despite their fairly obvious height differences, she'd never felt so small around the guy.
"Hey, LJ, what the hell's going on?"
His silence was by far the scariest thing LJ had ever responded with, dead eyes staring down and through her. He took the smallest step forward head tilted to the side as if something were whispering into his ear. She didn't even realize she'd taken a step back until she'd nearly tripped backwards, nails digging into the railing as her eyes sized up this possible threat.
Finally, LJ turned around and wandered back down the hallway, Lilith making no move until a door softly clicked shut. She nearly threw herself forward, unwilling to turn around and face what felt like the void behind her.
The long hallway was, for once, lined with locked doors. Normally, a lot of them were left somewhat open, with conversations flowing from door to door as each one tried to overpower the last.
The dead silence felt wrong, the closed doors looked wrong; all of this was just wrong.
She pushed herself right past Sally's room, ignoring the low scratching sounds coming from Ben's, and all but threw herself through her room's door, phasing right through rather than risking another doorknob touch. She'd felt the mistake before she heard it, back quite literally pressed up against the wall as the shivers spiked up into her blood freezing over.
"Took you long enough."
He rose from his slouch in the corner of her room, choosing to instead move through her bed rather than around it. His eyes bore into hers, so dull and dead that Lilith could have mistaken him for a corpse.
"...Got a reason to be in here, or…?" Nothing quippy came to mind, not when he came to a stop inches from her, breath coating her face like a cool mist.
She didn't even realize he'd taken off her mask, not until the hard blue plastic clattered against the floor. She felt her skin grow rigid when his nails danced across her face, frown frozen to her face as Shad moved to trace lines down her face, "...You're an idiot."
"What?" She nearly flinched at the choked yelp her throat had given her rather than an actual word, hands trembling at her side as Shad leered over her. She wasn't sure what held her back: self control or her inability to move.
Hell, if he attacked, would she be able to defend herself?
She shook their last encounter off, forcing her body back under control (at least, that's what she told herself), "You're deteriorating again, I can see that." She kept her voice as calm as possible, despite the push she felt behind each and every syllable. The darker the room grew the less of a hold she had on both the conversation and herself, system coiled and ready to attack or make a break for it.
She really didn't want it to come to that, but at this point, avoiding a fight would be a miracle.
Regardless, she did her best to anchor herself, refusing to back down from Shad's dull gaze, "Let's get you to the Doc and get this under control, yeah?"
"Control." Was Shad muttered response, head looking to the side ever so slightly, "Funny word that. Control." He stared off into the space above her right shoulder, as if speaking to someone behind her. Honestly, it was rather creepy.
"Look man, now is not the time to be all inscrutable and shit." Lilith's dry laugh did nothing to lift the mood, nor did it seem to do anything for Shad's deteriorating condition, "I'm just trying to help you out, and honestly, you're doing a number on everyone else here."
His response was oil pouring from his back.
Lilith had no idea how else to explain it, jumping back as the thick liquid gushed from under his cloak, eyes remaining as distant as they'd been at the beginning. The black slush didn't melt into the floor, instead pooling and rippling out from where he stood, slowly but surely coming to lap at her boots.
"Dude what in the fuck." Was all Lilith could manage, attempting to nudge it away from her foot, only to shake it off in a panic when it slid on, threatening to climb up her leg, "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't ooze all over my room."
"Is everything a joke to you?" Shad murmured, head cocked to the side as if listening to a silent whisper. She nearly jumped back when those eyes whipped back up to meet her gaze, "Even now, you're trying to find humor in this?"
"Well, I'm not too fond of the alternative."
Finally, he took a step forward, shoes seemingly melting in and out of the black puddle he was creating, as if it were trying to climb up his legs as well. Lilith didn't realize she'd been backing up until her back hit the door, Shad's hand thrown against the wall while the other gripped her chin. His gaze was chilling, freezing her from the inside out as her lungs struggled to fill, especially when his nails went back to tracing the irritated red lines over her face.
"...I'm sorry."
Her mouth dried up before she could even ask, knowing full well what he was trying to say regardless of if she'd wanted to or not.
"You reckless thing." Shad murmured, mouth pouring bits and pieces of what could only be a convoluted mess in his head. All Lilith could do was stand there and let it happen, body refusing to respond to any command of movement.
"Have you no sense of self-preservation?"
She didn't realize how heavy her breathing had grown until the hand on the wall trailed down to her chest, hands pressed firmly in the middle of her chest, watching it rise and fall in a rather pounding fashion. Regardless of the proof, she still felt as if she were struggling to breathe. "You're not fearless, despite how you hold yourself and try to act, you're not fooling anyone. Especially yourself."
"You're also not impervious, nor do you pretend to be." He mumbled on, seemingly more than okay with Lilith's inability to respond aside from uneven raspy gasps and squeaks she really couldn't believe were escaping from her mouth.
"So why do it? Why throw yourself out into dangerous situations?" She could feel Shad's breath on her cheek, her body threatening to freeze up and collapse in on itself. No matter how hard she tried, she had no control over this situation, and Shad's literal hold on her made that all the more clear, "Trying to prove something, maybe? Or maybe you're not as fearful as you smell."
"Or maybe…" Shad murmured, so soft that he's almost talking to himself, "Maybe you're just looking for a weakness to fall back on."
The ice cold flowing through her veins felt as if they'd been instantly vaporized, giving way for the boiling blood that swiftly took over, "...What did you just say?"
"Is that it?" Lilith wasn't even really listening anymore, too focused on the growing anger wheeling up inside of her, "You throw yourself into a fight you know you won't win so that if you die, it's expected, but if you pull through, you're praised. Either way, you look pretty good in the boss' eyes, don't ya?"
"Stop it." She barely noticed the oil sliding up her ankles, lapping at her feet in a deceitfully soothing manner, hands scratching at the door behind her as if they'd give way under her fingernails, "That's not it, that's never been it!"
"I don't know, Lilith," Shad murmured, fingers tracing around the red lines etched into her face, pressing ever so slightly as if trying to add his own over them, "For all I know, you just let this happen."
Regardless of their origin, the words seemingly hit them simultaneously. For a split second, Lilith could see the slight surprise in Shad's eyes, as if he himself couldn't believe he'd uttered such thoughts aloud.
Not that Lilith really had time to see that, too busy snapping from her frozen state as liquid fire rushed about under her skin.
It was as if she were really emanating heat, the sludge on the ground hissing as it lapped at her. Her hands shot out on their own accord, grabbing Shad by the collar before whipping around, slamming him into the wall she'd been pressing her outline into mere moments ago. It was almost too quick for her to comprehend, hell, attempting to control it was out of the question.
But that was assuming she would want to, if given the chance.
"Take it back. Take it BACK." The words tumbled out of her mouth with little to no control, an endless stream of the same three words in their structured order, each iteration sounding more aggravated than the last.
She could feel Shad fighting against her grip, legs kicking out as she lifted him up along the wall, his nails drawing blood as they clawed at her hands, attempting to pry them from the collar of his coat.
"So that's it." Despite the astonishment in his eyes, his tone was still the same soulless deadpan it had been prior, as if the only thing still out of the loop was his mouth, "What? Embarrassed I caught you?"
Well, those were the words she assumed he had been trying to utter. She had to leave it to a fraction of her head to piece it together, the rest of her being too busy hefting him off the ground, giving one last guttural growl before throwing him through the wall.
It didn't occur to her that she'd just blown a huge hole in the wall, leaving the splintered pieces of her door and wall scattered about the barren hallway. She couldn't care less as Shad's oily shadow fled with him, draining out of her room to follow its collapsed master, coiling itself around Shad as he wheezed on the ground.
"Oh, what's wrong Shad?" Lilith mocked, taking a step through the wall, her grip on the thing nearly turning that piece of the drywall to dust in her hands, "Out of smart words and empty accusations?"
The raging inferno under her skin felt like no other, both powering each step and breath while also eating her from the inside out. Each second she could feel her self control burning away, giving way to a loose mouth and a seething resentment.
She felt like she was melting into herself, eating away at her self control and willpower, leaving only the rawest forms of emotion behind. Without a second thought she'd grabbed the hand that had attempted to grasp her shoulder, eyes locked onto Shad as he slowly rose back up on shaky feet, "You didn't answer my question, shadow boy."
For a split second, Lilith thought Shad had killed her. In a snap, everything went white, her skin grew cold, and it was suddenly very hard to breathe. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, just barely able to pinpoint Shad's dark cloak against the falling snow.
"Really?" Shad muttered, seemingly glaring up at someone behind her, "You wanna duke it out up here?"
She whipped around much too late, the empty cabin behind her the only thing visible against the bleak white.
The question lingering at the tip of her tongue blew away with the frigid air that tore through Lilith's body, threatening to take all senses of feeling away with it.
"Seriously, he just thinks he can drop us off in his vacation home and call it a day?" Shad rambled on, all but shouting up at the graying sky, as if it would give him some sort of worthy answer, "And you call us childish? Don't make me fucking laugh! Strutting around in a suit and acting all posh doesn't make you the designated dignitary!"
Lilith watched as he wretched his boot from deep within the snow, or no, maybe he had been kicking it out in rage? Honestly, it was a bit hard to tell.
Her throat felt frozen, restricting the multitude of spiteful words that had once thrown themselves out her mouth without a second's hesitation. Only seconds ago she'd been ready to snap his twig neck in her hands, and now…
"Is that it, Slender? You're just gonna put us in time out?" Shad's tirade grew all the more intense with each word, the bitter cold doing nothing to help quell it, "Gonna stick me with her and trust you'll get her back in one piece? What, is there no liability clause attached here, or did I just get lucky this time around?"
Lilith could do nothing but stare at him, unsure exactly what emotion she was trying to process. He looked like he was unraveling, each biting word colder than the snow falling around them, harsher than the wintry air.
"Seriously, with her current record, it'll be a miracle if she lasts-"
"Is that really what you think of me?"
She felt her surprise mirrored back in Shad's expression, voice sounding disconnected and almost timid. He all but froze in his spot, stuck in the building snow as the two locked eyes. If she squinted, she could see it, the clouds of foggy confusion and anger swirling about in his head, eyes trapped in a sort of murky daze.
"Well?"
"...No, not entirely." Shad finally muttered, almost sheepish as he did another look around, as if he wanted to make sure no one was around to eavesdrop, "I just… It's a thought, yes I won't deny that, but an incomplete one."
Lilith watched him all but disintegrate into himself, his infuriated aura replaced with one of a hesitant child, shoulders shaking from under his cloak. He just looked so… pitiful.
"Sorry, just… I need a moment." Shad grumbled, staring down at the wrinkles in his hands as if he couldn't believe they were his, "Give me a second to sort through this mess."
Unsure what to say, Lilith did as he asked, watching as his mind contorted in on itself. He looked like he was fighting to find the words, the right ones that would best convey whatever was going on in his head. His mouth was stuck in a cycle of opening and closing, not a single sound uttered.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…" Shad started quiet, clearing his throat before taking a deep breath in, "I'm worried about you."
"..."
At her silence, Shad whistled, "Wow, nothing, huh?"
"Sorry, I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that." Lilith admitted, face tinged a very slight red as she pushed her fingers to wrap around her neck, attempting to regain some feeling in her fingers, "What would you like me to say?"
"I… Well…" Shad muttered, taking another moment to think before giving her a look, "You know what, I don't need you to say anything right now. Just for a second, I want you to listen to what I have to say, alright?"
"...I can do that."
"Okay, okay, good." Shad took a step forward, reaching out to take her hands from her neck and into his own, examining them with such intensity that she nearly asked what exactly he was looking for, "You… You put yourself in dangerous situations often, and more often than not, you end up getting injured or…"
She didn't need to look up to know where his eyes had latched onto, visually raking his eyes down the "problem area" (As the Doc had referred to it more than once), "Don't get me wrong, you can hold your own, and I know that being a proxy kinda puts you in the way of danger often, but as of recent, you've been… daring, almost. It's like you're constantly pushing against that line, and when you do…"
She could just barely feel Shad's crushing grip enclosing her fingers, "Maybe I have no right to say anything, and maybe you really don't know how to accept concern, but it doesn't change the fact that it's there. I don't want to be that person, but I also can't watch you self-destruct and frantically pick up all the pieces again. You're not indestructible."
She didn't dare breath until Shad's hands had stopped shaking, twisting out of his grasp in order to hold his own. He almost gripped tighter, refusing to let her move at first, only to give in when she shot him a look.
"I know."
She said it with an amount of control she didn't know she had, but that didn't stop her. "Trust me, I know I'm unstable at best. And if living with immortal ghost children and an ageless faceless entity isn't enough evidence-" one of her hands left his to trail up her cheek knowing full well that, despite the multiple trails of torn skin, she'd missed them all, "-this was."
"It doesn't change that it shouldn't have happened." Shad muttered, unable to meet her eye, "I shouldn't have let it-"
"Oh give me a fucking break!" Lilith all but snorted, the sudden surge of warmth making her almost giddy. Her outburst had been enough to get Shad to jump a bit, nearly losing his footing in the snow, "Do you honestly think that I'm going to blame you for this? Cause if that's the case, I think you're getting frostbite in your brain."
"...Of all the 'mean' things you've ever said, that has been the lamest one yet."
"Well excuse me, I'm horrible with emotions and words!" She didn't realize she'd moved to grab his shoulders until the biting cold crept back into her skin, once again shocking her back into reality, "I don't need anyone stepping in to try and take the blame or anything like that. There's no devil to blame my shortcomings on, and there's no god to credit my accomplishments. It's all just me, it's always been that way, for better or for worse."
"So please understand that I can't just let you waltz in and try to take this for me, because for better or for worse, this is a part of me now. And, for what it's worth, I plan to let this be for the better." She looked Shad dead in the eye, unwilling to let him out of the look for fear of breaking the serious connection. "The next time around I'll be careful, but in order to do that, I need to get stronger. I need to get better, better than her, and I need your help to make sure that this doesn't happen again, whether it's to me or someone else."
He seemed to take a moment to reboot, eyes looking shattered and lost for a split second, before a hand came up to ruffle her hair. She slapped his hand away without a second thought, mouth molding into a light scowl only to be washed away by Shad's grin, "Looks like the little princess is all grown up, huh?"
Her scowl grew with his laughter, eyebrow threatening to twitch right off her face as Shad's shoulders finally lost that phantom weight. Her jaw dropped open, ready to tell him off for treating her like a child, only to have another chilly breeze blow away most of all her lingering irritation.
She watched him laugh hard, harder than he had a few minutes ago. He laughed so hard he had to pull off the hood of his coat, eyes squeezed shut as tears of laughter threatened to pour down his face. He'd bent over at this point, one hand braced on his knee while the other slapped against his thigh, seemingly losing his mind with each rushed inhale.
"God, okay, I needed that." Shad finally managed over his uncontrollable heaving, wiping away his tears as he fought to stand back up straight, "I get it now, why he just dropped us here."
"Care to elaborate?"
He leveled the most serious look he could muster in Lilith's general direction, "He wanted us to cool down."
Despite the fond smile and small chuckle, words couldn't even begin to describe how much she wanted to slam dunk his face into the snow.
Much promises and whatnot, this is going to get done, and it's gonna get done good. Then I'll do the final part. Then we're out of here. Swear on my dog's left nutsack, it's happening.