Chapter Twenty-Six

(Wendy and Stephanie are wrapping Christmas gifts for the children at the shelter just before Christmas 1983.)

Stephanie: Ohhh I wish I were better at tying bows. Ohhh well. (Laughs) Thanks for helping.

Wendy: I like wrapping toys.

Stephanie: I wonder if the children will really appreciate them.

Wendy: Ohhh I am sure they will.

Stephanie: Well, I think I am gonna take a breather for a moment. Do you want some hot chocolate or something?

Wendy: Ohhh no thanks.

Stephanie: You're sure?

Wendy: Positive.

(Stephanie leaves but Wendy continues wrapping gifts. She comes upon a doll about the size of an actual baby. She picks up the doll as pain takes over her face. She holds the doll as she would a real baby, her eyes haunted with so much sorrow.)

Characters in this segment- Warren & Wendy

The Little Baby 5

~April 4, 1984~

The dreaded day had finally arrived. Wendy awakened alone in the bed. Her husband of less than two months was no where in sight, but she assumed he was in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee as he did every morning. It was a Wednesday so he'd have to be leaving for work very soon.

"Ohhh no. Not today," she said with frown. She didn't want to be alone today. She needed to be in his arms. She needed him to hold her.

Her mind flashed back to the prior year when she was wrapping Christmas gifts with her mother. She remembered finding the doll in the box and how it had felt when she took it in her arms and held it. She hadn't let the tears surface then. She had held them back well. Now they were flowing from her sorrowed eyes. Warren walked into the bedroom, carrying the mugs of coffee just in time to see her dabbing at her eyes.

Warren looked at her in concern as he placed the mugs of steaming coffee on the nightstand. "Wendy," he said softly as he sat next to her on the bed, taking her hand. "What is it, honey? Why are you crying?"

She pulled her hand away. "How can you even ask me that?" she said with a hint of anger in her tone. "It's April 4th. You know what today is... or- or what it should be."

He let out a heavy sigh. "I am sorry. I wasn't thinking. April 4th..."

"Yes, Warren, this was the day our son was due to be born. This could have been his birth day. It- it could have been a lot of things. You never talk about it, but I can't forget. I miss him. I wish... I wish he was here."

Fresh tears fell from her eyes as Warren softly caressed her cheek. "I don't talk about it, because you're always so torn up. And I feel... somehow... responsible."

"What do you mean?"

"I made a lot of mistakes, sweetheart. I made you think I didn't want you and that I didn't want our son. Then you had that car accident. You were out on the icy roads and it was because of me."

"Warren, our lives were a mess back then. You were with Suzi. I was hiding my pregnancy. We were barely seeing each other. But things are different now," she said as her voice softened and she took his hand. "We're married. And if things had worked out, we would have our little baby, too."

"I hate to see you hurting so much. And I hate to keep telling you 'no,' but I have to, honey. We can't try for another baby right now... not when we're struggling just to afford the rent. We'll have another baby someday; I know we will."

"I hope you're right."

He looked at her with so much tenderness as he brushed away her tears. "Do you want me to take the day off work? We could go to the cemetery."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I don't want to go there. I just want to be here with you."

"Alright. Tell me what I can do to help you feel better."

"I miss our son so much. I never got to hold him. Never got to touch him," she said brokenly.

He stood up, nearly spilling the contents of the nearby coffee mugs as he made his way over to the closet. "Uhhhh... I have something for you," he said as he searched for a white box on the top shelf. He took it down and slowly lifted the lid.

"What - what is it?"

He reached inside, withdrawing a cuddly teddy bear. He gently placed it in Wendy's lap. "It's identical to the one I put in our son's casket. I thought you might want one, too."

"Ohhh Warren," she said as she cradled the little blue bear in her arms. "Why didn't you show me this before?"

Warren's eyes filled up with tears. "I couldn't. I thought it would hurt too much."

She reached out for him and as he moved closer, she went into his arms. "We'll get through this," she said softly. "Just hold me and don't ever let me go. I need you so much, especially today."

"I need you, too, sweetheart," he responded as he held her tight. "More than you'll ever know."