Chapter 21

Once night falls I figure I should leave my room and it would be safe enough to go to Merlin's without the risk of running into too many people. People see that you're sad, and regardless of whether they know you or not, they either give you pitying or judgemental looks and I'm not prepared to deal with any of them. Not when Morgana's birthday feast it tomorrow and I am expected to put on my best face.

We sit in Gaius' chambers; the low light of the room only kept a bay by two candles at the table. Merlin still hasn't improved which worries me. I debate questioning him but eventually, he brings it up himself. I silently listen as he explains the visions he saw in the crystals, prophecies of the future that may or may not come to pass.

"I can't get these visions out of my head," he admits. Sitting next to him, I reach out around his back, offering any sort of comfort that I can.

"You are extremely lucky to have seen the Crystal Cave," Gaius says. "Even before the Great Purge wizards would talk about it with reverence."

"That man who led me there, who is he?"

"Taliesin, wasn't it?" I question, barely remembering the man's face and Merlin nods. Gaius scoffs.

"Who was he? He died, I'd say about three hundred years ago." That is not what I was expecting at all. "Taliesin was a seer to the great kings of old. It is said that the Crystal Cave was the source of his prophecies."

"But he told me…He said there was a reason I was brought there at this moment in time. Why? It must mean the events I saw are imminent. Morgana is going to kill Uther."

"Look, I don't believe in fate, but there are some things that have proven to be very coincidental. I was brought back here for one reason or another for a purpose, so I believe him when he says there's a reason."

"That may be so, Elena," Gaius says. "But the Crystals are treacherous. What you saw may not be all that it seemed."

"So what? He does nothing?" I scoff. "He saw the possible future, Gaius. That not just something you should ignore."

"I don't think you should ignore it," he protests in warning. "But is there anything to suggest it is imminent?"

I look to Merlin who shakes his head. "No."

"So, I wouldn't let it put you off your soup."

"No, you're right," Merlin submits.

"Come on, eat up."

"What is it?"

"Sometimes it's best not to know."

Merlin and Gaius eventually wander off to bed and I follow Merlin, wanting to speak to him alone. I sit on his bed while he takes off his boots and jacket. The bed sinks as he sits down next to me and I get the courage to speak.

"Merlin, if you feel like you need to do something, I think you should," I say. "Gaius loves you, but his main priority is keeping you safe. And I'm not saying that isn't mine – because it is. I want nothing more in the world than to let you live the rest of your life in peace, but I know that sometimes you need to do things that aren't."

"So, what should I do then?"

"Keep your eyes open," I offer, leaning into him. "Tell me. Don't leave me in the dark. I'm not saying what you saw is definitely going to happen, or even soon but I think there's a great chance that it will."

"I will," he agrees. "And Gaius may be right, there might not be anything to worry about."

"Of course," I smile, not wanting him to worry more, only to know that he has someone supporting him fully. "Just do what you normally do, Merlin. Serve that dollophead and save his life every now and then."

That earns a small laugh from him and I consider my job here done.

"I'll let you get some sleep."

Xx

In the morning I collect some of my sewing items, along with Morgana's dress that I have made her for tonight. It's very her style, not so much what I would wear but it is her dress. I venture down to Gaius' figuring I could spend my morning with him and when I get there, Merlin has already left.

"I get to make so many pretty dresses and never get to wear them," I complain, holding up the almost finished dress. Gaius lifts his head from his book.

"What about that red one you made last year for yourself, you could wear that tonight," he suggests. I'm surprised that even remembers it.

"You don't think it is too much?"

"I don't know why anybody would think so. You're a seamstress so it would only fit that you wear something of its standing."

I contemplate his words. The red dress has always felt too over the top for everyday and I hardly feel comfortable wearing it to feasts and other events when I'm supposed to be a part of the background service but maybe I should. I am the court seamstress after all. It's a display of my work. I slowly nod, going back to my work.

"All right. I will." I smile, almost looking forward to tonight.

Merlin marches in, pulling me from my work again.

"Merlin, what is it?" I ask, seeing the look on his face.

"It's happening. The future I saw, it's started," he breathes.

"Calm down, Merlin," Gaius says.

"I just saw Morgana struggling with a horse exactly as she was in the crystals."

"Exact same? No difference?" I push. Merlin nods. I know it's something so simple, just Morgana with a horse but when you are literally shown that exact image along with the King's murder, it's hard to ignore to coincidence of it.

"But she's always riding. It's not unusual to see her with a horse," Gaius protests. As much as I love him, Gaius is only making Merlin more disgruntled as he expresses his disbelief. He's doing more harm than good.

"It's not the only thing. Arthur's present for Morgana, he's told me it's a dagger."

"A dagger? Like the one you saw in your visions?" I ask.

"I'm not sure but it would only make sense."

"I think you're overreacting. It could be any dagger. As for the sight of Morgana with a horse…" Gaius trails off, still not believing. It frustrates me but I can't bring myself to argue with him, not wanting to strengthen the strain or tenseness of the air.

"It was the same," Merlin says again.

"It's hardly a rare sight. Certainly not one to be trusted as a harbinger of doom."

I disagree but if I was to push my worry, it would only add to Merlin's. I have to balance this. Make sure Merlin's worries are taken seriously without putting my own on top to weight him down even further.

Xx

I drop the dress off at Morgana's who expresses her upmost gratitude for it but I have an inkling that she up-played her reaction since Gwen was there. Morgana is suspicious of me as well, but I'm certain she doesn't know why. Only that I'm close with Merlin and he's made it clear that he doesn't trust her.

I leave, heading to Arthur's to make sure his clothes are in order for the feast. Technically, it is Merlin's job, but he's been acting a bit aloof recently and I wouldn't want Arthur to have to go to the feast without his best appearance. He's extremely handsome when all decked in royal garb.

"Arthur?" I call out, knocking.

"Come in."

I push the door open, looking around but there's no Merlin just as I had been suspecting. There's a pile of clothes on the table including his boots and red robe, scrunched up. I wince as I already see the creases from a distance.

"Elena," he greets, sitting at his table, nothing but a small box in front of him.

"I've come to make sure you have clothes for the feast," I say. "And by the looks of it, you don't." I gesture to the pile of cloth. Arthur rolls his eyes.

"Merlin was supposed to do it this morning," he grunts. I pick up the pile of clothes but leave the boots.

"I'll do it, I don't have anything else to do until the feast."

"Are you sure?" he asks, looking at me intently. I smile, nodding.

The door opens again and Merlin jogs in, knowing he is running late.

"Ah, Merlin. You've been slacking. Elena, you can give him the clothes."

"Ugh, sorry," Merlin groans, reaching out for them but I step back.

"It's fine, I'll do them. But you can do his boots."

Arthur closes the lid to the box, which catches Merlin's attention.

"Ah, Morgana's present. What do you think?" Arthur asks, opening the box again. He pulls out the dagger. It is plain, just an ordinary dagger. I'm not sure that exactly Morgana's style but I keep my mouth shut. "Beautiful isn't it? Feel the balance, feel the sharpness of the blade."

I think Arthur likes the present more than Morgana will. At least I have an idea on what to get him for his birthday this year. I watch Merlin's expression, knowing that he saw Morgana using a dagger, but the warlock takes the blade, practically laughing.

I take this as a good sign. Maybe this isn't the same dagger.

"Yeah. It's just what every woman wants, isn't it?" he taunts. I can't help but snort, covering it over with a cough.

"What do you mean?" Arthur questions. He really can be oblivious sometimes, which confuses me as he had the perfect gift for me made. Though I held my tongue before, it is becoming looser.

"Well, I'm no expert, but don't women normally go for pretty things? Like, maybe, jewellery?"

Merlin hands the dagger back to Arthur then takes the boots and leaves. Arthur stares at the knife, bemused and I can't help but laugh.

"Is he right?" he asks me, still holding the blade.

"I suppose," I shrug. "I can't speak for all women, but we do tend to love pretty things. But I'm sure she'll love whatever you give her because it's from you and not some random man seeking her affections."

Arthur lets out a breath of air, a half smile playing at his lips.

"Maybe I'm not the best gift giver," he notes, putting the blade back in the box.

"You're better than you realise," I muse. "Sometimes you just need a little guidance, but you pull through."

"You still like your saddle?" he asks, laughing slightly as he picks up on my insinuation.

"Love it," I reply. "But it's put the bar high for your birthday."

"You don't have to get me anything," he insists.

"You already know that's not happening," I counter, giving him a teasingly pointed look. "I'm just lucky I've still got a while."

"That reminds me, I don't know your birthday."

I look to the side, doing the mental math in my head. "I think maybe two months ago. I don't really celebrate it much. I don't actually realise it's coming until it's well gone."

"Well we are celebrating it next year then."

"If you insist," I chortle, readjusting the falling robe. "I better go get these done."

Xx

After preparing Arthur's clothes and dropping them back off I get ready myself. The red dress fits snugly, literally made for me, but I can't help but feel like I'm wearing above what I am. This is something Morgana would wear on a special occasion. Would people think that I am trying to upstage her.

It's too much. I should just wear what I normally do. There's nothing wrong with the usual, it's comfortable.

My hands reach for the belt to start taking it back off but there's a heavy tap at my door. I walk over, opening it.

"Arthur?"

I hide myself behind the door, but he steps inside anyways, making my attempts to remain unseen pointless.

"Elena, I think you still have my boots," he says, looking around for them.

"Boots?" I ask, not recollecting the same memory as him. "Oh! Merlin took them."

"Figures," he grunts. "Sorry for bothering you." He begins to walk out again but he stops in his tracks, looking at me. "That's a nice dress," he comments.

"Ah, thank you," I blush, looking down at it. "I made it."

"Are you wearing it to the feast? You'll have the eyes of every man on you," he teases. I choke out my own laugh but shake my head.

"No, I was just trying it on." I tug on one of the sides. "It doesn't fit right," I lie as a pathetic excuse not to wear it. Arthur raises an eyebrow, stepping forward.

"Well you look beautiful in it," he declares. My throat tightens and my eyes flutter around the entire room, trying to avoid his face. "I'm sure you can fix it for another night."

"I will," is all I can spit out, hoping that he would leave so I can end the embarrassment. "You should go find Merlin," I add after a rather awkward moment of silence. Arthur pulls his head back, sucking his lips.

"Yes," he agrees, his head turning to the door. "I will see you at the feast."

I nod, half guiding him out the door, barely missing his feet as I shut it. Not wanting to stay in the dress a moment longer. It's a tug of war as I pull it over the top of my head.

"Come on!" I shriek, thrashing my head around as the clothing gets stuck on my hair that I've spent that last half an hour doing up neatly. I couldn't go with boring hair and a nice dress. But everything becomes pointless as I hear the tearing of stitches, but the dress does finally come over my head.

My chest heaves as I hold the dress up, almost the entire back seam is ripped. My hair has been pulled from its hold; barely any pieces still being held in by the clips. I look to the window, a hazy reflection staring back at me. I almost don't recognise myself. My eyes are drooping, hair tumbling around my head worse than I imagined. The scar, running over my forehead, nose and just under my eye stands out more than it usually does. Sunspots poke through, creating an uneven skin tone.

'Well, you look beautiful in it'.

The words play over and over in my head, a manic obsession with the six words. I looked beautiful in this dress. Not without it, only in it. I have spent a good half of my day worried about my appearance, whether or not I would look appropriate and beautiful in a dress for a feast that won't even be that memorable.

The two edges of the rip fold beneath my fingers and I stare at it, hating the dress for what it's done to me. I pull at the material, forcing the sides away for each other, slowly, painfully. One by one the seams snap, creating a much larger tear and by the time I get to the skirt, my patience runs thinner than the needle that I used to make this damn thing.

I pull harder, my elbow flying behind my face as the other locks out straight, creating as much distance between each other as possible. The sound is almost satisfying.

Why do I need pretty dresses? Why should I worry about what I look like for a man? I'm a Vessel, a creature of magic and self-proclaimed ally of the most powerful sorcerer to ever exist. I can fight and I've killed men who swung their weapons at me. I left my home and started my life all over again. I need to be strong, not beautiful. Why am I wasting my time, going to a feast for a traitor's birthday just to fake being happy when I could be doing what I love.

I pull my window open, throwing the shredded dress out of it. I almost break the glass as I slam it closed again but my face is set in a determined grin. Pulling on the pants and shirt left hanging over my chair I retie my hair in its usual bun and finish it off by wrapping my sword and belt on.

I kick my door shut, marching through the corridor. Leon and Castor come out of Leon's room, decked in their ceremonial knight garb. They look up at me as they hear my feet thump against the ground. It's not like I'm trying to be quiet.

"Where are you going? The feast is about to begin?!" Leon calls out as I pass.

"Somewhere else!" I shout back, already having distance between us.

P.S - Thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed, (this book or previous). I absolutely love reading them