Sansa drew her dragon glass dagger, her hand shaking. She let out a slow, steadying breath as she turned around to face the bone-chilling noise behind her. A hysterical bubble of terror rose up her throat and escaped as a slightly manic laugh at the sight of the spider behind her. The beast was larger than a draft horse and icicles coated its may legs like a thousand frozen daggers. Its many eyes glittered at her, burning with the same cold blue fire as the dead.
Several abandoned carts littered the road between Sansa and the ice spider, but that did nothing to make her feel safe. This was not the kind of threat one simply ran away from. Sometimes you looked into a creatures eyes and saw your death looking back.
Had Ramsay known that feeling as he looked into the feral eyes of his hounds? Or had it been her own eyes that testified to him the inevitability of his death? No… She didn't think he'd seen that truth in either place. Ramsay, for all his brutality and cleverness had lacked one crucial trait to be wise. He lacked a belief of his own vulnerability. Everyone else was just a sack of meat, but he was untouchable. And that reckless confidence, the belief that there would always be bodies to throw in the way of his own demise, had been his undoing.
While Sansa did not know if she could consider herself wise, she was well aware of her own fragile existence. She was well aware that she was just one delicate girl in the face of a world that was made to crush delicate things.
And looking at the giant spider, she knew that it would be her end. The realization hit her like a wave… actually in truth she didn't know what a wave felt like. Despite her years in King's Landing, so very close to the water, and her escape from Joffery's wedding by boat, she'd never done more than dip a toe in the ocean. She was sure Arya had dove in head first within a day of reaching the Red Keep, but not Sansa. Their Septa said it was undignified and for so long the concept of dignity dictated her every action.
So many injustices she'd suffered and tiny joys she'd missed for the sake of preserving her dignity. So much of life shed denied herself for the sake of doing what she'd thought she was supposed to do at the time. And what had it got her? Nothing. Despite her most sincere efforts, she'd come up short in the game time and time again.
She'd written to her family to stand down against the Lannister's per Cersei's tutelage in the naive belief that it would preserve her father's life. And he'd lost his head for her efforts.
She'd been such a fool.
For so long, she'd always believed that someone would come and save her, but at every turn she'd been wrong.
No one ever came to save her until she learned to save herself.
A lesson she learned when she fled the Boltons and was rescued by Brienne.
No, she knew all to well that the knights of her favorite songs and stories were fictional. The men those stories were based on were surely no better than the many ruthless men she'd known.
The spider climbed up onto the first cart, it's many eyes glittering.
She looked around, there was nowhere to hide and running would only get her so far before she was overtaken. No, she would not die like that. She'd lived too long on her knees to die that way.
She'd been a pawn for so long, passed between the hands of people more powerful than she, she didn't want her life to end the same way.
Perhaps she would die, but she would die on her own terms.
She would die trying to save herself.
She would die with her heart and mind far from the despair of this dark and icy road.
In her heart she'd reclaim all the broken pieces she'd lost along the way. She'd be whole. She'd be back at Castle Black with the man who had once been her bastard brother but had grown to be her everything. Laughing and smiling when she'd thought she'd never be able to do either again. She'd be a sweet summer child in Winterfell again, with her brothers and sister when all thoughts of war and winter were distant impossibilities troublesome only to those no longer in possession of their youth. She'd stand beneath the weirwood tree with her love and reclaim her ability to love and be loved. She'd stand at the foot of the Iron Throne when she still believed that she was meant for greatness, when her greatest dream was to be the wife of a handsome prince and her greatest fear that she might do something undignified and bring shame on herself and her family. She'd be young again. Though young in years, she no longer felt her youth. She felt as weary as the crone and as battle worn as the warrior.
If this was the end, she'd be grateful for the time she'd been given and the brief joys that had brightened the darkness of her days. She'd be grateful that she could say that she'd loved and been truly loved in return.
If this was the end, she could go peacefully, knowing that for all her faults and failings she had grown into a good person. Though far from perfect, she'd become a better person than she'd been at the start. She'd set aside her childish selfishness and become someone she thought her parents would have been proud of, had they lived to see her. Someone Arya, Theon, and Bran would be pleased to call sister. Someone Jon would be proud to call wife, no matter who might condemn the both of them for it. She'd loved fully and deeply despite the wounds the world had left on her soul and she thought that was something, though perhaps less recognized than great feats of heroism, to take pride in.
The spider jumped to the next cart, chittering in excitement. It was close enough now that she could see it's rider. An imposing figure with a scraggly white beard and skin tinged blue by ice.
A chill ran down her spine. This man… beast… she did not know what to call it, did not feel like the other wights she'd seen.
Shaken, she took a step back. She'd never seen a White Walker before, but there was no doubt in her mind that that was what the terrifying figure was.
Somehow, the man filled her with even greater dread than the beast. The panic rising in her chest made her temporarily forget all the reasons she'd decided to stand her ground. She turned to flee and stopped short at the sight of a dragon diving down from the sky.
Jon? Tears sprung to her eyes. She hadn't even allowed herself to hope he'd come to her rescue. Didn't want to allow herself to feel any sort of resentment when he didn't come. But now, her heart thrilled and for a moment she though that perhaps the songs weren't completely without merit.
Then she saw the glow of fire building in its throat.
When the moment arrives, you will know. And when it comes, act. If you hesitate, all is lost. Bran's seemingly nonsensical words rang suddenly in her head. What had he said?
"Bend the knee." Sansa remembered, dropping to her knee without a second thought as dragon flame streamed above her head, the heat so intense she thought her hair might catch fire.
She squeezed her eyes shut until the heat subsided.
Slowly she opened them and got to her feet. She looked around for the dragon and the rider she felt sure would leap from its back and come running to her, sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her like he'd almost lost her, because he had.
But the dragon was gone.
As was the spider.
She let out a sigh of relief, realizing only then how tense she'd held her muscles.
Then she saw movement from the ashes.
And the White Walker rose from the wreckage.
A scream died in her throat as the terrifying figure strode swiftly toward her. She wanted to run but her legs felt frozen in place.
When the moment arrives, you will know. And when it comes, act.
She'd thought the warning was for the dragon fire, but to bend the knee was to obey. But Bran had warned her to act. She looked down at the knife in her hand.
If you hesitate, all is lost.
She tightened her grip on the hilt. Not allowing herself to second-guess or delay, she threw herself at the approaching White Walker. And taking Arya's advice, she stuck him with the pointy end.
I'm finding I have better luck keeping my writing momentum going if I post often because all your lovely reviews keep me motivated, so hopefully work, school, and life continue to cooperate. Thank you all for being so committed to this story, you keep me going on this crazy endeavor I got myself into!