Chapter Twenty-Two: Not a Victory March

Edward's POV

"Here's her picture," I said as I handed Marcus her most recent photograph.

"Any ideas where she would have gone?" He asked as he looked at the picture.

I shrugged. "She's never done this before. She's only nine...where could she have gone?"

"Don't worry, Edward. We're going to find her," Marcus assured me but I wasn't so sure I could be so optimistic at this time. I looked out the window and it was starting to get cloudy again. It was about to rain and what if Caroline didn't have her raincoat with her? What if she didn't have enough layers and was cold?

Where the hell was my daughter?!

"What about Bella?" Mom suggested after we answered a few more questions.

"What about her?" I asked not being able to think clearly.

Mom smiled. "Could she have gone to Bella's?"

"Bella's house is too far...she couldn't walk all the way there."

"Does she have a bike?" Marcus asked. I went to Caroline's window and looked down to the alley where we kept her bike locked up.

"It's gone," I told them. "It still seems too far. She knows she's now allowed to ride her bike to Bella's house unless I'm with her."

"She knows she's not supposed to take off without you knowing, son," Dad whispered.

I tried smiling. "Right."

"You try calling this Bella lady while your parents and I come up with some other places she may have gone."

"Okay," I nodded as I went to my room to grab my phone. Just as I picked it up off the charger it started ringing. "Hello? Bella?" I said. "I was just about to call you."

"Caroline's here. She's safe with me." I sat down on the bed and felt a million weights lift. I started crying at the thought of my baby girl being safe with Bella.

"She's there?" I asked.

"Yeah. She got here a few minutes ago."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes," She answered.

"How'd she get there?" I asked, just wanting some clarification.

Bella sighed. "She rode her bike."

So many rules broken in one day.

"I can bring her home..."

"I'll come get her," I said. "Thank you so much, Bella."

"Of course."

"I'll be there soon," I said and hung up. I took a few minutes to catch my breath before going back out to the living room. All three heads whipped around to focus on me and I gave them a small smile. "She's with Bella."

"Oh, thank God," Mom whispered as dad breathed heavily. He turned and thanked Marcus for coming and for all his help. Marcus asked if he needed to come with us and even though it sounded kind of fun to scare Caroline into never doing this again, I declined his offer.

"Want us to come with?" Mom asked as I put my jacket on.

I shook my head. "I want to talk to Bella."

"We'll be here waiting," Dad assured me as I grabbed my keys.

Even though Bella's house was only a seven-minute drive, it felt like an eternity. When I pulled into the driveway, Caroline's bike was placed carefully against the garage and I took a pause to think about what I was going to say to her.

And to Bella.

"Hi," I smiled when Bella opened the door. She nodded and stepped aside so I could come into the house.

"Caroline's hanging out in my room," She said. "I didn't think it was appropriate to let them play together right now."

"Thanks."

"I'll go get her," She went to go upstairs but I grabbed her hand.

I smiled. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," She bit her lip and led me to the kitchen. She grabbed us both a bottle of water and sat down at the table. The air was thick with tension and I hated that feeling.

"I'm really sorry about what happened last night," I said. "I should have thought about you and your feelings when I wrote that speech."

"It was a well-written speech," She laughed nervously. "Edward...there's something I should tell you."

"What?"

"Last night I ended up at Jake's apartment."

If she told me she slept with Jake I would be sick.

"We drank a little too much and we...made out," She rolled her eyes. "But then I fell asleep before anything could happen."

"You didn't have sex?" I asked just to clarify. She shook her head no. "I appreciate your honesty."

She shrugged. "We always said no secrets."

There was a long pause. I didn't know what to say to her. "Bella, we can work this out. Right?"

"Am I just the consolation prize?" She asked again.

"Bella,"

"Am I the girl you're settling for because the first one you picked isn't here anymore?"

"I don't think so."

She stared at me. "You...don't think so?

Why was everything that came out of my mouth so completely stupid lately?

"I don't know..." I sighed. "I think I still have issues that I need to work out," I admitted. I was so sure that I was done being miserable about Rosalie and ready to move on. Now, however, after hearing Bella question me and my devotion to her and our life together I wasn't so sure.

"Yeah, I think so too."

"But can't I work through them with us together?"

A tear streamed down her cheek. "No. I can't be strung around while you figure your feelings out."

"I don't want to lose you," I choked. "I love you."

"I love you too," She cried. "Which is why I can't just be pulled through the mud like this. You need to figure things out on your own."

I nodded. I hated it, but she was right. It wouldn't be fair to her.

"I did the therapy thing when she died you know," I whispered. "I don't know why..."

"You've never been in love with another woman before," She said softly.

I nodded. "What about the kids?"

"They come first. They always have," She assured me. "I'll still do a girls night with Caroline and help her navigate the world. And of course, Brady is going to continue his piano lessons."

"And playdates?"

"We'll have to suck it up because they come first."

"We can make this work." She nodded. I felt totally defeated. I was letting so many people down because I couldn't get my shit together "I'm going to get Caroline."

I made my way upstairs and knocked on Bella's bedroom door. I heard a soft come in and breathed in relief that she was on the other side. I swung the door open and she was sitting on the bed, hugging one of Bella's pillows.

"Hi," I sighed as I stood in front of her. Her eyes flew up and met with mine and she gave me a sheepish smile.

"Hi, daddy."

I thought about what to say next. "Caroline Rose Cullen...how could you just take off like that? Do you know how worried I was when I went into your room and you weren't there?" She just kept staring at me, her big beautiful eyes filling with tears. "I didn't know if I was ever going to see you again, honey."

"I was just going to come here."

"But we didn't know that," I reminded her. "And anything could happen. And you know you aren't supposed to ride your bike anywhere without adult supervision. Even if it's just to Bella's house."

"I was just...so mad at you," She cried. "And I wanted to be with Bella."

"Sweetie, just because Bella and I aren't a couple doesn't mean you two can't still hang out."

"Really?"

I smiled. "I know how much Bella means to you and I know how much Bella loves you. That isn't going to change."

"I...I didn't know that."

"I just want you to be happy, Caroline. Being around Bella makes you happy and if I have to suck up my feelings so you can still spend time with her then I'll do that."

"I'm sorry I ran away," She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. "I just...I've never been that mad before."

"I know," I whispered, kissing her cheek. "But next time you feel that way talk to me. Or hit a pillow or call your grandparents or...even just ignore me for a bit."

She smiled. "I can do that."

"But don't you ever run away again," I told her sternly. "You're safety is one of my top priorities. Got it?"

"Got it," She nodded and gave me a big hug. "Am I in big trouble?"

I smirked. "Oh yeah. We'll talk about punishment when we get home. Let's go say bye to Bella and head home."

I thanked Bella for calling me and walked out to the car. I watched as Bella gave Caroline a big hug and whisper something in her ear. Caroline smiled at her and then headed towards me. I was curious about what Bella said but I wasn't going to pry.

When we got home I sent Caroline to her room with the door open while I thought of an appropriate punishment. It was pretty hard considering she'd never done anything this big before and I never really had to punish her in the first place.

Mom helped me come up with an appropriate punishment. No TV for a month and no playdates for two weeks. And she also had to help with a few more chores than she normally had, but I was willing to be flexible with that if she did what I asked without whining about it first.

She took everything like a champ and apologized to my parents for scaring them as well.

Since they were only here for one more day, her grounding would start after they left. It was her first real offense so I was willing to be a little bit lenient with my parents here since they didn't see each other very often.

I was having a horrible week.

The holiday season was upon us and the store was busy. Despite the store being busy I couldn't focus on anything. I was mixing up people's lessons, shelving products on the wrong shelf, and I even almost got away with just giving a guitar to someone.

It was a hell of an expensive guitar too so I was grateful Felix caught me and made the man pay for it.

"Thanks for your business," Felix said as the man completed his payment and left the store.

I laughed nervously. "Nice catch."

"What's going on, Edward?" He asked.

I hadn't told them about the breakup. It was too painful to talk about.

"Bella and I broke up," I admitted and he gave me that sympathetic look I had wanted to avoid. "And I just haven't felt like myself."

"I'm sorry, man," He whispered. "Why don't you take the rest of the night off and I can lock up."

"You don't have to do that," I argued.

He smiled. "Please, you were so great with letting me leave for Jane's doctor's appointments and when Layla was born you didn't hesitate to let me take two weeks off."

"Are you sure?" I really was tired and Mariah was upstairs with Caroline tonight.

"Positive," He said. "Jane's parents are in town so she has plenty of help with the kids."

I nodded and went over the closing checklist with him since it had changed a bit. When I left the store, I wasn't sure where I was going but I hopped in my car and drove off. I found myself at Elliot Bay and even though it was chilly, I found a place to park and got out to walk around.

It was a crisp Seattle night and it smelled like fresh rain. I was actually surprised that it had stopped raining since it had been raining since Emmett's wedding. I stopped at the water's edge and took a deep breath.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I thought about everything that had happened in the last year. Caroline transferring schools was such a big step for both of us. I never imagined how it would turn out. I knew she would make friends because...well she was Caroline and was the sweetest girl I'd ever known. But I never thought she would find such a close, lifelong friend in Brady.

And I never dreamed I would find a friend in Bella, let alone fall in love with her.

"I fucked up," I whispered as I opened my eyes. "I fucked up...big time."

I pulled my phone out of my pickets and found the name I was looking for.

"Hey, kid. How're you doing?"

I sighed. "I'm okay."

"You don't sound okay."

"Mom, really. I'm okay," I tried assuring her. "I'm dealing...or trying to deal with this."

"What's up, Edward?"

"Dad thinks...I should do therapy again," I told her. "What do you think?"

"I think your relationship with Bella was very serious and it scared you," She said.

I sighed. "But why?"

"Honey, I couldn't tell you. But I know someone who might be able to."

"A therapist?" I laughed.

"Reaching out for help isn't a weakness, sweetie."

"Can you put dad on?" I asked.

Dad and I talked for a few minutes and he said he would get me a great referral. The last therapist I worked with wasn't for me and maybe that was why these issues were resurfacing.

When I got home, Caroline was already asleep. Mariah promised me she didn't give in with the no TV rule and Caroline spent most of the night reading. I paid her for her time and checked on my girl.

She was sound asleep and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was not looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner. Since Emmett and Kate now had a house in the area we were doing dinner with them. Kate was very excited to be cooking her first-holiday meal and mom had a few secret backups just in case.

Kate was grateful for that.

On that morning, Caroline and I got up and had a small breakfast to tide us over until dinner. Once we were showered and dressed, we headed over to Emmett's place. When we arrived, Caroline went to find the baby and I found my dad and brother watching the football game while Kate and my mom made dinner.

"How've you been?" Emmett asked when dad muted the TV.

"Fine," I shrugged and wished I could get through this night without mention of Bella or the breakup.

"Because...it's okay if you aren't," Emmett was trying to help but he wasn't really doing a good job at the moment.

"Thanks, but I'm good."

"You don't look it."

"Emmett!" I rolled my eyes and hoping dad would change the subject.

"Have you called Dr. Grey?" Dad asked and I wished he hadn't brought this up in front of Emmett.

He would make a big deal out of it.

I nodded. "I have an appointment next week."

"For what?" Emmett asked as expected.

I bit my lip. "A therapy appointment."

"Oh...why?"

"Emmett," Dad warned.

"Hey! I'm not judging, I'm just curious."

"The breakup has brought up some unresolved issues," I told him. "And if I want to get Bella back...or not be alone for the rest of my life then I need to work through them."

"Okay," He smiled. "That'll be good for you. I think everyone needs a little bit of therapy in their lives."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah," He nodded. "An uninterrupted hour of being able to talk about your feelings and problems without judgment? And the chance to get some unbiased advice. It sounds pretty nice."

"How are you the smart one?" I asked jokingly.

He shrugged. "You're book smart but I'm street smart, big brother."

"Street smart?"

"I've got the common sense."

"You do?" Kate laughed as she and mom came back into the living room. "That's brand new information."

"Hey, I have common sense," Emmett defended.

Kate leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Of course you do, baby."

I felt a knot in my stomach watching them so happy together. I was so happy for them and their new stage of life but...I was so jealous of them. And it was totally my fault. I excused myself to find the girls and found them in Lucy's room.

They were sitting on the floor on Lucy's play mat and Caroline was reading to her.

I stood quietly in the doorway while she finished reaching and softly knocked once she was finished. Lucy looked up at me and smiled and that instantly brightened my mood. I sat down with them and pulled Lucy into my lap.

"You sounded great reading to her, Caroline."

She smiled. "I did?"

"Very natural," I assured her and leaned over to kiss her cheek while Lucy played with one of her teething rings. "You would be a very good teacher."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up.

"I think so," I told her. "What do you think, Lucy?" She looked up at me and started laughing. "I think we have our answer."

"I've never thought of being a teacher."

"Never?" I asked. "You and Brady play school all the time."

"Yeah but that's just pretend," She told me in her duh voice.

"Well, you can be whatever you want to be but..." I trailed off and leaned in close. "My vote is for teacher."

She laughed. "Daddy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I almost wondered if Emmett had put her up to that but she hadn't even seen her uncle today.

"You look sad."

I've said it a million times but my daughter was too smart for me.

I sighed. "I am sad, sweetie."

"Because of Bella?" I nodded. "You should just say you're sorry."

"One day," I started as she scooted closer t me and snuggled into my side."You're going to be old like me and things aren't going to be so black and white anymore."

"Why?"

"That's a great question, Care."

"I miss her."

"You hung out with her last week."

"It's different. We haven't gone to the park for a long time."

"It's been cold."

She stared at me. "The indoor park, daddy."

"Right now...things are kind of fresh for me and Bella."

"Fresh?"

"You know how when you get a scrape and it hurts for a few days after?" She nodded. "It takes time for wounds to heal and it's the same when grownups break up."

"Being a grownup sounds hard."

I laughed. "It is hard, Care. But you make everything worth it."

"I do?"

"You're my constant in life," I kissed her cheek. "I know that no matter what happens you're always going to be my girl."

"What if I'm mad at you?"

I smiled. "Well, I hope that no matter how mad you are at me that you'll be able to forgive me. Because I love you and I love our relationship."

"I love you too, daddy."