It was just gone eight am the next morning when Anna cinched the belt of her dressing gown around her waist and wandered out of her bedroom. Perhaps unsurprisingly she hadn't slept particularly well the previous night. Even after she had spoken to Robin and Philomena and taken a relaxing bath she'd found it difficult to settle into bed as a confused jumble of thoughts chased themselves around and around in her head.
It was only some time later, after she'd heard the front door open and close – and knew that Robert was back from police headquarters – that she'd finally drifted off to sleep.
As she stood in the front hallway deliberating whether or not to start a pot of coffee Robert came out of the kitchen into her path. He was fully dressed and jingling his car keys in one hand.
"Hi," he greeted her, brisk and bright.
"Hi," she mumbled, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand, wondering for about the millionth time how he could always be so awake and alert first thing in the morning.
"Coffee's on," he added, thumbing back over his shoulder.
She nodded. "Thanks. Are you leaving already?" she queried in surprise as he strode past her towards the front door.
"Yep," came the laconic reply.
Anna stared after him. How could he leave when there was so much they needed to discuss? "But you haven't had breakfast," she protested, trying to stall him, knowing Philomena wasn't due back with Robin until later that morning.
He waved away her concern. "I'll grab something at Kelly's," he told her, pulling the door open and stepping out into the crisp early morning air.
"Wait, Robert –"
"Catch you later, luv," he called over his shoulder as she stood framed in the doorway behind him.
Robert grimaced to himself as he walked down the sidewalk to his car, feeling a pang of guilt. Yes, he was avoiding her, and yes, it did feel wrong somehow. He knew it was unfair. But it was clear she wanted to talk about what happened the previous night and he simply – he simply wasn't ready. Not yet.
Because what happened had cut altogether too close to the bone.
He shook his head at the memory. Less than twelve hours ago Roger Barrett had nearly killed her. Only luck and the forewarning of Matt Pendleton at the WSB had enabled him to arrive in time to stop him.
And then she had kissed him.
Anna had kissed him.
Well, in fairness, he had kissed her, too. Under oath he'd have to admit he'd been a willing participant.
And the kiss had been every bit as passionate as those he remembered so clearly from the past. From the time when he and Anna had been the world to one another, when they had been so deeply in love they never imagined it could end.
And yet that was where the heart of the problem lay.
Anna had once loved him so much that she'd sacrificed her career, her marriage, and very nearly her life to save his. Just as he had once loved her so much that he'd sacrificed his honor and integrity for her sake. Those actions had shattered their relationship and the pain that had been left in its wake had shadowed both their lives ever since.
As drawn as he still was to Anna, as strong as the bond between them remained, to risk that kind of all-consuming love again was madness. Surely they both recognized that. Surely they both understood it.
After losing Holly, after having been cut off from her forever – if somehow things went wrong between he and Anna, as well, if they found their way back together only to be torn apart once more – it would be a blow from which he knew he'd never recover.
He shook his head as he got into the car and turned the ignition. No, it was time he took a step back. It was time he finally did leave for good and find an apartment on his own. Give Anna and Lavery the space they needed.
Resolve grew within him as he eased the car into the street and headed for the office. He would move out again in the next few days – find a motel to stay in for now, until he had time to look for a place of his own. He'd tell Anna and Robin of his plans tonight.
It wasn't going to be an easy conversation, he knew.
He had once loved Anna more than life itself – and it wasn't that long ago that he'd actually punched Lavery for insinuating otherwise.
But the thought of growing that close to anyone again, of allowing himself to once more love that deeply and absolutely… The prospect of loss that would always accompany it – that had already accompanied it once – was just too painful to contemplate. He simply couldn't risk his heart like that one more time. Ultimately he was sure that Anna would understand.
Anyway she had Duke now – to love her, to give her the happiness she deserved.
So when he saw her later today he'd break the news that he would once again be moving out.
Or maybe tomorrow. He'd certainly tell her no later than tomorrow.
Anna watched her daughter push her pasta morosely around her plate, chin in hand, and felt a slow burn of anger lick through her gut. Although the dinner table was set for four, one place was conspicuously empty. It was nearly eight pm and Robert was still nowhere to be seen.
"Mommy, when's Daddy getting home?" Robin asked at that moment. "I thought you said he was going be here in time for dinner."
"I know, darling. I told him this morning at the office that you and Philomena were making his favorite tonight."
"Then why isn't he here?"
Anna set her jaw. "I don't know, sweetheart. Something probably came up at the office." And no matter what it was, she thought with murderous intent, when she saw him again she was going to give him a piece of her mind.
Philomena set down her fork. "You want I give him a call, Anna?" she offered, attempting to be helpful as always.
Robin brightened. "Can we do that, Mommy? Just to make sure he's okay?"
"I'm sure he's okay, darling," Anna replied. She threw down her napkin and rose from the table. "In fact, I'm going to go make sure he's okay right now."
Anna strode through the tiny reception area of Devane Scorpio Investigations and straight into Robert's office. Sure enough, he was still sitting behind his desk. She turned and closed the door behind her and then leaned her back against it. "Hi."
"Hi, luv," he greeted her, rising to his feet with an affable smile. "You're in awfully late."
"I know. We need to talk."
He grimaced. "Oh, those fateful words," he said in a slow, mischievous drawl, drawing out the phrase with dramatic relish. "Guaranteed to strike fear in the heart of any man."
"Stop it," she rejoined without cracking a smile. "I'm serious."
"I can see that," he said, coming around the desk and holding out a hand to her in a placating gesture. "But look, I'm just on my way out. Sorry, luv. I'll see you at home later."
"This can't wait," she snapped. "You've been avoiding me all day, Robert," she added, trying without noticeable success to keep a hint of accusation out of her voice.
He shook his head. "No, I haven't."
"Yes, you have," she retorted. "You left the house first thing this morning, and since then every time I've come in here today you've instantly found some excuse to disappear."
Uncharacteristically he avoided her gaze. "I've had a lot on my plate today," was his response.
"I know. So have I. But at least I found time to have dinner with Robin and Philomena tonight. They cooked linguine – your favorite. I told you this morning they were making it especially for you."
Robert had the grace to wince. "I didn't mean to –"
"Robin was worried about you," Anna carried on relentlessly over his words. "She wanted to know if you were all right. The least you could have done was spend a little time with her this evening. She's an eight year old girl, Robert. After what happened last night she's really worried about both of us and she just wants a little reassurance."
"I know," he said as a surge of remorse washed over him at the thought. "I'm sorry, I should have been home earlier."
"Yes, you should have. And that's not the only thing you should have done." With an abrupt motion Anna straightened and dragged one of the chairs in front of Robert's desk over to the door, tipped it onto two legs, and jammed the back underneath the doorknob to hold it shut.
He watched in silence, faintly amused, then raised an eyebrow in her direction. "Trying to stop me escaping?"
"Trying to keep anyone else from interrupting," she replied evenly. "Because we need to talk."
Robert breathed out a tired sigh. "Look, can't it wait until tomorrow?"
Anna shook her head with stubborn intent. "No, it can't."
"Anna –"
"I think you've been avoiding me because you don't want to talk about what happened." Not what happened with Barrett – in the grand scheme of things that was a minor inconvenience, a mere footnote to add to Elena's file. No, it was what happened after that that had changed everything.
"That's not –"
"You kissed me, Robert."
He crossed his arms. "I seem to recall you kissed me, too."
She ducked her head for a moment as she recalled how passionately she had kissed him. "Maybe I did," she admitted, once she was finally able to slow her racing heart. "But now you're acting as if nothing ever happened."
"Did it?" he challenged.
Anna stiffened. "I thought I'd been pretty clear about my feelings," she said pointedly.
"You're also engaged to another man," he pointed out, more blunt than he meant to be to hide the hurt he felt at the thought.
"Not any more." Deliberately she held up her left hand, fingers spread apart, showing him first the back of her hand and then her palm. Showing him the absence of a ring on her third finger.
Robert stared at her, feeling his eyes widen in surprise – in shock – that she would take such a drastic step so abruptly. After just a single kiss between them. His heart filled with remorse. He should never have done this to her, never have put her in this sort of position… He shook his head. "Anna. I know you and Duke have been wanting to get married for a long time now. I don't want you to give that up because of me."
Anna felt his words slice through her like a stab to the heart. "You don't?"
His eyes dropped. "No."
"So, what, then?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from cracking as panic flooded through her. "Are we just going to pretend it didn't happen? That it was a mistake? Is that what you want?"
He ran a hand through his hair, uncharacteristically hesitant as he felt all the worries from the morning assail him once again. "No, that's not –"
"Then what, Robert?" she pressed, burning with the need to understand. With the need to know if it had meant anything to him, the way it had to her. "What is it that's so wrong?"
He shook his head mutely. She was so beautiful, so brave, so loving – everything he ever wanted in a woman. But he just couldn't –
Anna took a step towards him, beginning to sense that whatever was bothering him was more than just the kiss they'd shared, yet not comprehending what it was or what she could do to help. "What is it, Robert? What's wrong?"
"I just can't," he murmured, his brow furrowed, his mind besieged by memories of what had happened the previous night with Roger Barrett… It would kill him to lose her again.
"Can't what?" she whispered. The hopeless look that had crept into his eyes frightened her more than a little.
"I just –" He stopped and then started again, his voice dropping to a ragged, husky whisper. "After losing you, and then…and then Holly…I just don't know if I can risk it again…if I can risk my heart…" The words were slow and filled with anguish as his eyes begged her to understand his hesitation, the legacy he carried of his greatest pain.
Anna swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat, fighting back tears as his low, whispered words slotted all the pieces to the puzzle neatly together in her mind. Finally she did understand, and she couldn't bear to see the pain in his face. "It's all right, Robert," she held out a hand to him, gently, tentatively, as if to calm a wild creature. "I understand. My god, I do understand!" Her voice choked at the thought that for once instead of hiding his feelings he was opening up to her like this, reminding her of the terrible losses that he'd suffered, allowing her for a moment to see his vulnerability in a way that she was certain the rest of the world never did.
"Do you?" he replied softly, still looking at her with that achingly forlorn, almost haunted, expression in his eyes.
Anna nodded. "I do." Drawing close she took his hand with infinite tenderness, gazing down at it as she threaded her fingers lightly through his. "You remember that morning – the morning when…when we were talking about Dusty and Terri – " Her eyes lifted to capture his. "You said you believed in the power of love."
He nodded. "Yeah."
"Well, so do I. I believe in the love we shared, and I believe…I believe we can find that love again," she drew in a shaky breath, "despite…despite everything that's happened. And I'm willing to wait. As long as it takes."
"You really…you really mean that?" His voice was stronger and less tentative now, and for the first time Anna thought she might detect a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Her heart lifted.
"I do," she said, squeezing his hand. Gazing at this man who still meant the world to her. "I believe in us, Robert. I won't give that up. I'll never give that up."
"I don't know, Anna," he confessed hoarsely, torn between wanting her and his fear of that very desire. "I don't know if I can –"
"It's all right," she soothed, giving his hand another squeeze, impelled by the urgent need to ease the suffering she could see written so plainly across his face. To reassure him that she was with him – that she would always be with him, whatever the future might bring. "It's all right, don't you see?"
He nodded, feeling a tug at his heart that relieved the terrible pressure there, just a bit.
Anna exhaled a breath of relief. "Good." She reached up to cup his cheek gently in her palm, brushing the pad of her thumb across his warm skin, stroking slowly in a feather-light yet deliberately intimate caress. "I'm willing to wait, Robert," she reiterated. "As long as it takes."
"All right," he said quietly, and searching his eyes with her own Anna could see that she'd managed to provide him some measure of comfort, at least for now.
Reassured, she let her hand slip from his cheek. "Okay. Well, I'll let you go." All she wanted to do just now was wrap her arms around him and hold him forever, and protect him with her last breath from ever being hurt again. Instead she forced herself to take a step back, pull the chair out from under the doorknob, set it aside, and slowly open the door to leave.
"Anna."
The soft, caressing way he said her name made her stop in her tracks. She turned. "What?"
"I think I promised you a rain check on dancing."
Her eyes lit like a flare. "You did."
"How 'bout tomorrow night?"
She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek to contain the burst of happiness that was suddenly welling in her chest. "Yes. I'd love that."