Waves of Hope
Chapter Twenty-four
Bella
With the help of our three amazing bigger boys, the weekend flies by. Edward and I say a sad goodbye to Sullivan, knowing we probably won't see him again until the other babies are discharged because Burger Co. is swamped at this time of year and he's Garrett's right hand man.
After Brody arrives with Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo, who are fanboying hard over their soccer idol, he hangs around for two days, one of which he spends sending the nurses into heart failure by cuddling babies as much as he can. He's a six-four giant with legs for days and a perfectly straight, white smile that even I can't deny is beautiful. He's a gorgeous specimen even before he has a cute baby in his hands.
The babies' Instagram account gains a few thousand followers that day thanks to the photos Brody tags himself in.
"When are you gonna start popping out little star soccer players?" I tease as he sways around the room with Caben, his pinky finger in the binky hole to stop my son spitting it across the room again.
Brody rolls his eyes and chuckles. In the corner of my eye, I see Molly, one of our favorite nurses, flushing beet red as she rushes from the room. A few seconds later, I hear her faint squeal and just barely manage to stifle my grin.
"I think that's a long way off yet, Bella. I'm married to the team right now."
"So you think it'd take a divorce from the Gators for you to settle down?" I wonder, genuinely curious.
He's twenty-five, has a great career, is more than capable of taking care of a wife and a family, and he's both sweet and handsome to boot. He's a catch.
Still wearing his usual relaxed grin, Brody shrugs. "I don't know, I'd just want to be around more, you know? I'd want to be able to pamper my wife when she got home from work in the evening and have the time and energy to hang out with my kids at the weekend. Playing for the Gators eats into a lot of my free time."
"I can imagine it does," I laugh. "There are guys on your team with wives and kids though, right?"
"Yeah, a few." Caben has been happily cooing away to himself the whole time, but he lets out a good squawk to make his opinion known. Both Brody and I laugh.
"Oh I see where your loyalty lies, little fella." Brody tosses a wink my way. "Side with your mommy, why don'tcha?"
"Well, of course! He wants more friends to play with."
Rolling his eyes, Brody reiterates that he just doesn't have the time right now. As he gets distracted by Caben 'chatting' away, my mind starts to roll, my Cupid's bow at the ready.
~ oOo ~
The boys couldn't be on a bigger high.
Their good mood at having the Brody Weller here with 'their' babies lasts throughout the weekend right up until he waves goodbye on Sunday evening, setting off for Jacksonville to head back to practice after the Gators' bye week while Edward loads the big boys into the Jeep to take them back to the Bay.
They're not the only ones wearing disappointed expressions.
I hate this.
"Hey, look at me," I murmur, sinking to my knees to cup Finley's face in my hands right there in the hallway outside our room.
Finley sighs, but he drags his gaze up to my face anyway.
"It sucks that you have to leave, kiddo, but you'll be back next weekend, right?"
"Right," he breathes. "I just miss you and the babies when we have to go home. I want you to come back with us."
My heart freaking breaks, I swear. I'd take the pain, the discomfort, and the stress of being pregnant all over again if it meant I could do it with my boys in my own home instead of miles away in a hospital.
"Being apart from you three—"
"And Max!"
I purse my lips to stifle my smile at Arlo's outburst. "And Max, is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but we're in the home stretch now, kiddo. What is it you call the extra time they add onto soccer?"
Finley's dejected scowl lifts slightly into an almost smile. "It's just added time, Mom."
"Right, well, this is the added time. Soon, we'll all be heading home in Big Blue and we can get settled back in as a whole family."
A whole big family. We've more than doubled in numbers.
Blowing out a big breath, Finley nods. "Okay. We can still call you, right? And the babies?"
"Definitely! I'm countin' on it. I need a daily dose of my gorgeous boys to get me through all the sleep your little brothers and sister are not letting me get."
The boys cackle, and their faces are split by smiles as I make them all give me hugs and kisses before Edward plants one on me and they groan like the little heathens they are.
"I'll see you in the morning," Edward murmurs against my lips, grinning because he loves winding the boys up by 'making kissy faces' with me.
"Mmhmm. Drive safe."
"Will do."
I hear footsteps behind me and turn as Carlie calls out to ask where she can find more diapers because the basket is empty. "I'd better go," I sigh before planting one last kiss on each of my boys' heads. Edward grins as he crouches, offering me the top of his head, too.
The boys roll their eyes when I just smile and place a kiss right at his crown. "All right, get goin', you. I love y'all. Be good, okay?"
"We will. Love you!"
Once I've dragged another box of diapers out to our DIY changing table, I help Carlie change the babies out of their cute outfits and into some soft pajamas. Jane joins us just as we're done putting River, Oakley, and Rylee in their bassinets.
"Austin's down," she cheers softly, hands in the air like she's on Spring Break.
Carlie snickers and reaches for the wine on the coffee table. "That boy's got some energy, hasn't he?"
Jane rolls her eyes and mutters, "Hasn't he just" under her breath, her grimace shifting into a smile. "I still think he's quite small for a one-year-old but he looks giant next to your three."
"He really does," I agree, reaching for my cell to look at the pictures we've taken this afternoon. Carlie and Jane surprised me by showing up a few hours ago, admitting Edward floated the idea with them earlier in the week when he realized I'd be left alone, incredibly outnumbered, while he takes the boys back to the Bay.
To get his baby fix in and give the boys a little more time with the three still in the NICU, Edward took Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo to the hospital and shot me a wink on his way out as he told me to enjoy some girl time.
And I have.
It's been forever since I got to just kick back with my girlfriends and affectionately talk shit about our men and kids.
Over non-alcoholic wine, because we've got my three babies and Jane's little Austin here, and enough snacks to sink the Titanic, we've put the world to rights and had a grand old time.
I smile at my screen as I flick through the photos of our fun afternoon—of the three of us and our 'wine,' of Austin lying on the floor with River, Oakley, and Rylee, and of Austin 'helping' me feed River earlier. He's holding the bottle and looking up at the camera with a gap-toothed, drooly smile because his momma was the one taking the picture and he's a total momma's boy.
"Look at this one," I laugh, showing the girls the next photo.
"Oh my God!" Jane guffaws, falling back against the couch cushions as Carlie grimaces and shakes her head. By sheer luck, I managed to get a picture of the moment River spit up all over Carlie's face. She'd picked him up while I spread his swaddle over her knees so she could wrap him up for his nap, and he caught her right across the mouth and cheek with his sudden spray of 'milk puke,' as Arlo calls it.
"I'm traumatised," Carlie sniffs.
"You can't tell me Bailee never got you like that," Jane laughs. "Austin and Lakely were both really pukey newborns. All my t-shirts basically became spit-up rags."
"I actually can't remember Bailee being that bad," Carlie admits with a shrug as we all get comfy on the couches, Austin asleep in the guest bedroom Jane will sleep in and the other room already set up for Carlie. "I do remember one time she threw up all over Dan's mom, though." She snorts, shaking her head as an almost bitter expression spreads across her face. "God, that was funny. I'd forgotten about that."
Reaching over to squeeze her hand when she falls silent, obviously lost in memories, I offer my friend a smile. "I'd pay good money to see Felicia Preston get covered in spit-up."
Carlie smiles a genuine smile and I'm pleased when she launches into another, lighter story and it becomes obvious thoughts of her mother-in-law—with whom she's never had a good relationship—haven't soured our evening.
~ oOo ~
As the babies' due date fast approaches, we start to wonder if we're going to reach our goal of having all the babies ready to go home by then.
Asher and Mackenzie consistently pack on the ounces while Caben trails behind, gaining but just barely.
While friends and family members make the trip out to see us and help out as much as possible, we try to split our time equally between our big boys, the three babies we have at the hotel, and the three at the hospital.
Finally, finally, three days before their due date, we arrive at the hospital to good news.
We're a little later than usual because it took Mom and Dad a while to get out here in the rush hour traffic, but Dr. Uley flashes his insanely white teeth in a grin as we enter the NICU and find him lying in wait outside our babies' room. "Are you ready to get two more babies? Asher and Mackenzie passed their car seat tests this morning, so we just need you to fill out their paperwork and they're yours to take home."
That evening, as we pack up the bits decorating Asher and Mackenzie's shared crib and take down the pictures the boys have drawn for them, I'm full of excitement and pride for our little twins, but disappointment for our sweet Caben threatens to taint it.
Just like he always does, Edward knows that I need him. Leaving May folding swaddles, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder as I lean on the edge of Caben's crib, watching his little chest rise and fall in perfectly even breaths.
"It's not fair," I murmur, unable to resist reaching out to touch his tiny palm. His fingers close around the tip of my finger and my chest squeezes. He hurts my heart. "He's so brave, so strong. I hate the thought of him being here all alone."
Tears pool in my eyes. Asher and Mackenzie are already settled in their car seats, ready to go, and they don't have that much here to pack up.
May confirms that by quietly murmuring, "All right, they're good to go when you two are. I'll just give you a few minutes."
When the door clicks shut behind her, I hang my head and squeeze my eyes shut. "I don't want to leave him here all on his own."
If it weren't for the fact that I know I can't leave Edward to handle five babies on his own tonight, I'd probably chain myself to Caben's crib and stay here with him. Mom and Dad are watching the babies now but they'll have to head home when we get back to the hotel. The idea of walking away and leaving Caben alone in here is just…
How do I walk away and leave him here?
"Did you hear what the doc said? He thinks Caben will still get out of here this week."
"I need him to be big and well enough to come home with us now," I whimper, knowing I sound like a whiny child, but not caring.
"Soon, honey. He'll be ready soon." The door opens behind us and we both turn toward Molly's smile.
"I hope it's okay, but May told me you were worried about our Caben boy being here on his own. I just wanted to reassure you, I'm here all night and I'll make sure to stick close by. I've got a soft spot for this little guy so I'll spend every spare second with him."
She sucks in a surprised "oh!" when I step out of Edward's arms to pull her into mine, then she relaxes and hugs me back. "I promise he'll be okay, Bella. We'll take care of him like he's our own."
"I know you will." Dashing tears from my cheeks, I muster a smile. "I know you will," I repeat, more for myself than Molly. "We're so lucky to have such great people looking after our babies. We're so grateful to you all, but…"
"It's still hard," she soothes, rubbing the tops of my arms. "It's okay, I understand. My son spent six weeks in the NICU when he was born, but I'd been a single mom to my daughter since I was four months pregnant with my boy, so I had to split my time between them both. It killed me, but they're six and four now and thriving, just like your babies all will be. Give Caben a little time to catch up and you'll soon have all of them home and driving you crazy."
After thanking Molly for her peptalk, I pull Caben from his crib and give him one last feed before we head out with the little twins. They sleep all the way back to the hotel, then lead their siblings in a revolt against us getting any sleep.
Throughout the night, Edward and I are occasionally joined by Everly when she hears the babies' crying and taps on our door to offer her assistance. She's a godsend and the following morning, I tell her so over coffee.
"Honestly, we couldn't have done it without you."
She smiles but it's ruined by a long, loud yawn she smothers with her shoulder. "You'd have been great even without me, sis."
We'd have managed, but we definitely wouldn't have been great.
Five babies against two people is no joke. Thankfully, the twins finally settled down once we figured out that they were protesting being separated and put them in the twin bassinet rather than the single ones. It's not a permanent solution because their prematurity leaves them more prone to reflux, and the single, rocking bassinets combat that by keeping them from being entirely flat, but it works for now.
Hopefully, over time, they'll adjust to being separated at least just for sleeping.
~ oOo ~
The next three days are long, brutal, and wonderful.
We're blessed to have such a great support network around us because we couldn't do this without our incredible friends and family. While I spend a lot of time at the hospital with Caben, feeding him up and giving him as much kangaroo care as possible in the hopes it'll help him progress faster, Edward mans the fort at the hotel with various different helpers; Mom, Dad, Carlisle, Little Grandma, Jude, Everly, then Alice and Jasper when they fly into Tampa on the babies' due date. We were supposed to be celebrating having all the babies home, only we don't have all the babies home. Instead, we'll be celebrating the babies all being healthy and strong at exactly ten weeks old.
Like Austin the other day, Marcus seems like a giant now in comparison with our babies.
"Babies?" he squeaks when I open the door to him, Matty, Jasper, and Alice.
Laughing, I grin and ruffle his hair, itching to pull him up into my arms even though I know I shouldn't and can't. My abdominal muscles are a wreck after major surgery and carrying six babies for thirty weeks, so my strength is...lacking, to say the least. I can just about manage to lift the babies without being a bit shaky.
"Yeah, we've got babies." Edward appears, and he can swing our nephew up into his arms to fly him through to the babies. I watch them go with a fond smile before turning my attention to Matty.
"Hey, Aunt Bella." Matty has his dad's long, lanky frame and, at ten years old, is already almost as tall as me. Much like Jaxson and Finley, he barely has to stretch to plant a kiss on my cheek.
"Hey, kiddo. How're you? How's homeschool?"
He shrugs, already looking past me toward Edward's laughter mixed with Carlisle's. "It's whatever."
Jasper rolls his eyes, gently knocking his son's shoulder as Alice scoffs. "It's fun, is what you meant to say, right, son?"
"Sure."
Matty flashes me a quick smile before shuffling around me to go find out what his brother is cackling about, so I draw Jasper and Alice into hugs before leading them inside. It's been weeks since we saw them last and I'm still not completely used to it after being so close while we lived in Utah. We leaned on each other through some tough times; it's been odd not having them here.
"Oh, look…" Alice gushes when I take Rylee from her bassinet and settle her in her aunt's arms. When Alice's eyes dart up to mine, I know she's seeing what we all see when we look at Rylee. "She's the spittin' image of Willow," she breathes as my smile widens.
"She is, except…"
Rylee cuts me off, her timing perfect, by opening her eyes and releasing a squeaky yawn. Alice's gaze is drawn back down to her face and she sighs, shaking her head with a quiet laugh. "She has your eyes."
Edward's arm lands around my shoulders, his lips at my crown. "She's perfect."
Alice's eyes are glassy as she nods vehemently and sniffles. "You two make cute babies."
I feel a familiar pang, conflict still my overriding emotion when I think about the fact that these are my last babies, before managing to swallow it to grin and agree with Alice's statement.
We do make cute babies.
Marcus sits like a little angel, grinning ear to ear as Jasper helps him cradle River and Alice coos over Matty and Asher.
"Grandbaby number thirteen coming any time soon?" Carlisle teases, wandering over while drying his hands on a towel. A quick glance at the draining tray shows me a collection of sparkling clean bottles, and I couldn't love my future father-in-law more.
Then my mind starts to spin, and though it takes me a minute or two to work out why, I feel my eyes filling with unexpected tears when it registers.
Grandbaby thirteen.
He includes Willow and our lost baby in that number.
Conversation has moved on around us, but Carlisle shoots me a wink and a small, understanding smile when I raise my gaze to his.
I feel ridiculous for being so emotional about this, but having the babies and the emergency hysterectomy have wreaked havoc on my hormones. Seeing the babies, holding them in my arms, makes me wonder who our lost baby would have been. We'll never know one way or another, but in our hearts, he was a bouncing baby boy.
When I gaze around at River in Marcus' arms, Asher in Matty's, Mackenzie and Oakley in their bassinets, I can't help but wonder if our sweet little boy would have had fair hair or dark, my gray eyes or his daddy's green.
His younger siblings' arrival doesn't take away from our grief at losing him.
Perhaps foolishly, I didn't anticipate the sixers' presence exacerbating that sense of loss quite so profoundly.
The shrill sound of my cell ringing in the other room yanks me unceremoniously from my increasingly morose train of thought. Shaking myself off, I excuse myself to dash into our bedroom. My cell is still lying on the bed where I left it with my purse and my new favorite nursing shirt. I was about to get out of my sweats and holey, spit-up stained tee when Alice, Jasper, and their boys arrived.
Their flight got in super early, so it makes me nervous when I look at my cell and realize it's still not even eight and it's the NICU calling.
"He-hello?" I stammer, palming my chest right over my racing heart.
"Bella, hi there. It's Dr. Uley."
Oh crap. The doctor is calling?
I don't have the breath to call out for Edward but that's exactly what I'd do if I could, because I'm not sure I'm prepared for whatever the doctor is about to say. I'm not sure why he'd be calling this early, especially as he was supposed to finish his shift forty minutes ago at seven when they do the morning handover.
My breath remains somewhere between my lungs and my lips as Dr. Uley clears his throat.
"I thought it would be best to call ahead of you coming down here so you had a bit of a warning."
Oh God. Please, please be okay, Caben. Please, I don't think I could take it if I lose—
"You see, we're discharging Caben today."
"Wait…" My lungs expel their contents in one big rush that I choke on. Sitting heavily on the edge of the bed as tears rush to my eyes, I clutch the phone tight enough for it to hurt. "Caben's being discharged? What? How?"
Dr. Uley laughs, the rich sound going some way in relaxing me. "I'm afraid we were a little sneaky. We noticed that you'd left his car seat here so we decided to test him this morning and see how he went. He did great, Bella. No bradycardia episodes, no drops in oxygen. He was perfectly content the entire time."
"I can't believe it…"
Chuckling, Dr. Uley tells me to believe it, and to bring our little man's going-home outfit ready for his picture. The boys have all worn the same outfit—a soft grey onesie with 'hello world' embroidered over their heart. Rylee had the same onesie in lilac.
"All right," I laugh, excitement pumping through my body. We get to bring our boy home with his brothers and sister. "Will we see you, or will you have gone home?"
He promises to hang around to see us, so in return I assure him we won't be long, jumping off the bed as soon as he's hung up. Snatching up my purse, I rush out into the living area where I skid to a dead stop.
Carlisle is now laughing and holding Rylee with Edward hovering at his side, barking at him to support her head and keep her arms tucked into her swaddle or she'll cry. He's raised three sons and has a bunch of grandchildren. He definitely knows how to hold a baby, but Edward's nothing if not protective.
Alice is holding River and Jasper has Oakley, their eyes alternating between the babies in their arms and their sons who are marvelling over our identical boys in the twin bassinet.
Mom and Everly were here, but they've run out to Costco to pick up breakfast for everyone.
We have the best family.
And we're about to become complete.
Edward must feel the emotions pouring off me, because he stops fussing at Carlisle and looks right at me. I don't know what he sees in my expression, but his eyes widen and his teeth snap together.
"Caben's coming home," I murmur.
The room falls quiet except for the babies' cooing and grunting, and all eyes are on me as I laugh almost deliriously and say it again, hoping it'll sink in any second because my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest.
"Caben's coming home." Tears tumble over my cheeks as Edward rounds the couch to cup my damp cheeks, his green eyes glassy. "We can go home, Edward. We can get our boy and go back to Jackson Bay."
Everything is falling into place.
~ oOo ~
"If you don't stay in touch…" May warns, grabbing me in a fierce hug that I return wholeheartedly.
"We will, May, of course we will. You're part of the family now."
She sniffs as she pulls away, dabbing her eyes with a wad of tissue. "I claim aunt status."
Grinning, Edward is next to hug her. "You got it, Aunt May."
"What does that make me?" Dr. Biers wonders with a twinkly-eyed smile.
"Grandpa Biers, of course," I tell him as I pull him into a hug.
We've been here an hour and I think I've hugged almost every person in the NICU. Even a few of the parents we've gotten to know have come over to wish us well and congratulate us on our last baby graduating from the NICU.
The nurses presented us with six framed photos of our babies, each wearing little black gowns and knitted graduation caps. A few of them must have been taken before we arrived at the hospital to take them home, but I don't know how they managed to take the ones of the babies that passed their tests while we were here.
"Distraction is key," May admits with a wink when I ask her.
"All right," Dr. Uley says, adjusting his tie as he strolls back into the room. He went to switch out his shirt, ready for the group photo; the one he wore overnight was 'too wrinkled,' apparently. "Shall we?"
Blowing out a big breath, I join hands with Edward and smile up at his enormous, crooked grin. The one that melts me every single time because it's boyish and earnest and makes his pretty eyes seem even brighter.
"Let's do it," I murmur before Edward and I lead the march out to the nurses desk. There, Mom and Carlisle have the other five babies split between two strollers. There's an empty spot on the front of one, but Dr. Biers fixes that by neatly slotting Caben's car seat onto the frame. With smiles on everybody's faces, we gather together around the strollers and Carlisle finds the best spot to get everybody in before snapping a few photos.
"Here, Bella, you'd better check it."
"Thanks, Carlisle."
The tears that have been coming and going for the last two hours make a return as I gaze at the pictures he just took. Two are slightly blurry or have multiple people blinking, but the third is perfect.
The strollers are angled in such a way that the babies are all visible. Dr. Biers and Dr. Uley are both smiling wide in their white lab coats just like May and Molly in their colorful scrubs.
Right there in the center, Edward and I wear the goofiest grins ever.
Even knowing we've got years of sleepless nights ahead of us, thousands of diapers, a myriad of issues still to face like the house and raising nine kids…
I think I can speak for both of us when I say this day is the highlight of our lives so far.
~ oOo ~
Two days later, Edward and I leave Everly, Mom, and Alice packing up while we take Asher, Mackenzie, and Caben to their last pediatrician appointment here in Tampa. I remember similar appointments with Jaxson and Finley taking forever because I had two babies to wrangle, but with three babies, it takes almost two hours.
By the time we're all done and we get back to the hotel, we're hot, sweaty, and tired.
The last two nights, our first solely responsible for all six babies, we were blessed to have my mom and sister's help as well as Alice and Jasper's assistance. They'll all stick with us tonight, then tomorrow we'll load up Big Blue and the Jeep—and Mom's minivan—and head home in a four-vehicle caravan, including Alice, Jasper, and the boys in their car.
I can't wait.
We spend the evening making sure we have everything tidied away before Edward and Jasper run out to get dinner. The eight of us, including Matty and Marcus, pig out on pizza and salad, then while Alice and Jasper put their boys to bed, Mom, Edward, Everly, and I feed the babies.
To save time and make things easier, I tandem feed Rylee and Caben, shedding yet more tears when they hold hands while feeding.
When a soft flash goes off, I look up and find Edward grinning behind his new favorite toy, one hand holding it, the other holding Asher's bottle.
Jasper and Alice got him a camera for his birthday and despite usually being terrible with technology, he's taken to it like a duck to water.
"That's one for the wall at home," he murmurs, showing me the screen as best as he can from his spot on the floor while I'm on the couch.
Looking like I've been run over by a train with milk and spit-up stained clothes and feeling-like-a-cow aside, I can't help but agree. It's a beautiful picture, my modesty protected by the babies' heads, everything slightly out of focus except their joined hands right in the center.
"It's beautiful," I tell him honestly.
His soft eyes meet mine, a smile curving his lips up, and I've never been more excited to go home and build a life with a family I call my own, a family I love more than life itself.
Caben grunts loudly, his earnest gaze on my face when I look down at him.
A family that's finally complete.
Eeek, that's it! All the sixers are 'home!' Little Caben finally made it. Whoot!
I know the world is a scary, confusing place right now, so I hope this brought you even a semblance of peace just for a little while. I'm sending every single one of you the biggest hugs.
I'm also sending a huge amount of gratitude to my team annaharding and maplestyle for being their awesome selves, and to all of you for reading and reviewing xo