Day three. Our third day of sailing. Today was the day. We'd be arriving at Prydain today. We were all waiting on pins and needles, which admittedly got boring fast. To rectify the situation, some of the kids got into a stone-throwing competition. I didn't participate, figuring I better keep watch for anything on the horizon just in case. But as I did that, I snuck a peak at the players every now and then. Or should I say, one specific player.
It was Harry's turn to toss his stone. He threw it as hard as he could, matching Ben who just went. He beat it by five feet or so. Then, with an elated, proud expression, he immediately checked over his shoulder to see if I had been watching. He saw me and smiled. Naturally I smiled back- a true, profound, enchanted smile. We were still looking at each other when someone else came up beside me. Evie glanced at me, then to where I was staring.
Evie rested her elbows on the wood of the ledge alongside mine. She let out a long sigh, as if conjuring the words inside her head. "How are you feeling?" "Huh?" I blinked to her, not hearing her question the first time. Her eyes met mine. "How are you feeling right now, Mal? Are you scared?" "Oh…. Yeah, I guess," I pondered, peering back to Harry; he had gotten back in his place in line. Evie waited a second before carrying on. "You sure aren't acting like you're scared," my friend noted with some intent. I gazed back at her thoughtfully. "I am scared, but that doesn't change anything." "It doesn't?" "No," I shook my head. Evie considered this, peering out again then back my way.
"Mal, can I ask you something?" "Shoot." Hesitation on her part; I could hear her sucking air through her teeth. "W-Well, erm….. I know this might not be the time or place for these sorts of questions, but I thought since you have some experience….. H-How….. how can you tell if you like someone?" Boy, was Evie ever blushing. My head shot to her astonished, which made her cheeks sizzle a darker shade of red. "Evie…. You….. you like someone? Like someone here, on this boat?" "Shhhhhh! Not so loud!" She waved her hands embarrassed. My eyes grew wide. "Wait! Is it Doug?!" "No! Well, maybe…. I don't know! But if I did, how…. how would I know, like for sure?"
I looked at her for another minute, trying to construct a well-worthy reply. It suddenly came to me when I glanced back at Harry….. I actually chuckled to myself. "You know something, Evie; I'm actually glad we're talking about this. Something light-hearted for a change….." "Mal," her eyes widened in surprise. My grin also grew in its edges. "In my experience, you just…. know. It's so gradual; sometimes you don't even realize what's happening. You go naturally from being friends, to best friends, and then to something else….." My voice trailed off. "Is that what happened with you and Harry?" She prodded. I laughed; my fingers began to play with each other.
"Well, kinda. Harry and I had sort of a rocky start. Heh, I had such a crush on him when we first met; I thought he was perfect, and he thought I was just some annoying little girl. As time went on though…. I'm not sure; things changed on their own accord. We got closer and…. it just sorta happened without our even trying." Evie thought about this to herself momentarily before blinking back over to me. "But when did you know that Harry was the one? That you, you know, loved him?" She posed to me. "When did I know that I loved him? It honestly took a long time, but…." I paused for a minute to gaze out into nowhere with my bottom lip hanging open slightly.
"I think the first time I noticed was when we were ten or so. Harry was pushing me on this make-shift swing Daddy built for me. We weren't….. saying anything; he was just pushing me. And then, out of nowhere, he slowed the swing down and sat beside me. We still didn't say anything, but we stared at each other. We stared for I don't know how long…. And I thought… But it's almost impossible to describe. I knew right then and there that I would never look at anyone else like that again. Heh, and I was right. I suppose…. I knew Harry was the one because he was "the one"- the literal one. There could be no one else because I already had mine….. Does that make sense?" I gazed back to Evie curiously. She was staring back at me with such an expression…. Her eyes lowered ever so gently. "Yeah, it does…. I wish someone would look at me like that someday." "He will," I remarked. Evie waited a few minutes before speaking again. I could feel her gaze on me once more….
"You didn't hesitate." "What?" I asked Evie. Her eyes just now…. "You didn't hesitate to go and rescue Peter Pan. It's the same when you wanted to save our parents. You didn't even think about it…. Why? Why did you just go to Peter Pan like that?" All I could do was stare at her for a while, totally dumbfounded. Why? I'd never thought about the "why" behind those sorts of actions before. Probably because I already always knew.
"Peter needed me, just like how Daddy needs me…. It's weird. It doesn't feel like a choice, and yet I know it's my choice." "What do you mean?" Evie inquired. My eyes rolled back in front of me now, looking over Harry and all our other friends. "My aunt Athena- Goddess of War and Wisdom…. She taught me about destiny and free will, and their inherent contradictions. I should believe in destiny; I've met the Fates, for crying out loud. And yet… I still know that everything I choose to do and not do are a choice- my choice. No one forced me to go rescue Peter or even leave the Isle of the Lost; those were completely my decisions, and I have total responsibility over them. People are always acting in bad faith, trying to say why "this" or "that" wasn't their fault or in their control. But the reality is that we do have control and responsibility for our choices. It's a terrifying amount of freedom, when you think about it. That's what my aunt Athena taught me anyway."
There was a break in the conversation for a moment. I finally grinned over at my dear friend, who was still listening to me closely. "Go or don't go- I have equal responsibility for whatever choice I make. Even deciding not to choose is a choice. But it's not so much that I'm afraid of the responsibility of making the wrong choice….. It's that I know if I do nothing, I'm choosing to do so. That falls on no one's shoulders but mine…. and I refuse to let myself make that decision when I could have made another. I don't want to be that kind of person. That's why I went to save Peter Pan; that's why I left the Isle of the Lost. I want to be that kind of person who makes those kinds of choices, because I am comfortable with the responsibility that comes with them."
Evie observed me quietly for a long, long time. Eventually her lips parted a sliver. "Mal….." I couldn't help but chuckle. "It's funny. I don't think I'm anything special or good, despite what everyone says. There's nothing inherently unique about me that sets me apart I believe… A wise soul once told me: "Demigod or not, it makes no difference. You are nothing else but what you make of yourself, and freedom is not what you are but what you do with what's been done to you. You only set yourself apart from others by your actions". Knowing that…. it just reminds me how important these choices are. And some I don't have to think about much…. Like when I look at Peter, or Harry….. or Daddy," finishing up my sentence, I turned to Evie. She was still watching me wide-eyed.
Neither of us said anything more; merely continued on looking at one another. But the peace didn't last too long, however. Doug caught everyone's attention when he pointed to something in the distance. "Hey, what was that shimmering just now?"