A/N
It's been a long time again since my last update. Sorry for that... but you know, life... ;-)
Anyway, I hope you still enjoy the story! All constructive feedback is welcome.
Be aware that this is a story that deals with tons of abuse, if you don't like it, or if it's a trigger for you, please don't read.
If you 're a victim of any kind of abuse, please reach out for help and know that my mind is on you 3
Lots of Love
XXIISimon and Magnus were driving down the highway. It was quite in the car, no music, no talking, each of them sunken in their own thoughts.
When they had arrived at the address Alec had provided it had been obvious that no one was home. There were tire tracks leading off the driveway, indicating that someone had left in quite a hurry.
Simon had found the backdoor badly locked and without any effort had managed to get inside. For a moment he had stood in awe of the grandeur of the house, before shaking his head and getting down to the task of finding any clues about Clary's whereabouts.
The house was huge and they'd had no idea where to start looking so they had decided to each take a floor and start looking for some sort of desk, a work room, any place that could have been used to make plans or keep important papers. It took them quite a while but eventually Magnus called out to Simon to come up to the second floor. There was a huge room with a grand oak desk in the middle of it.
The entire room was spotless except for the desk itself. It was cluttered and obviously a abandoned in a hurry.
Together both men were going through stacks of papers, opening drawers and shaking books. It took them a while before stumbling long across a laptop. Simon had taken hold of the thing, cracking it's password within a few minutes.
"Magnus! I think I found something!"
Magnus had hurried over to him, sitting down and studying the map that was still open in one of the tabs.
"This must be it." Magnus had murmured, before taking a picture of the screen, slamming the laptop shut and pulling Simon to his feet.
"Let's go, I know where this is and we have quite a drive before us to go check it."
Once on the road neither of them had said a lot.
Simon's phone buzzed announcing a message.
~ Simon, please get back to me. I don't want you in trouble. Call me soon! Luke ~
Simon sighed "It's Luke, again. He really wants me to call him."
"Don't, he'll only try to convince us to turn back. Right now Luke needs to focus on Jace, he needs him more than we do. If we find something, we'll call him for backup." Magnus replied. "It won't be long now anyway. My GPS says we're nearly there. About half an hour left."
Clary was lying on her back, hands and feet bound, a filthy rag stuffed in her mouth effectively gagging her. Sebastian was hovering over her, his hands ghosting over her body, his fingers touching her light as a feather.
"We are going to have so much fun." He said, his eyes gleaming. Clary just whimpered against her gag, her eyes pleading with him to stop.
Suddenly Sebastian took hold of her shirt and ripped it open, buttons popping everywhere. "Look at you being all pretty…" Sebastian mused, more to himself than to Clary. "That will have to be remedied, won't it? I want you, I want you all to myself, and that's no it going to happen if you are this pretty."
Clary's eyes popped, a scream rose out of her, only to be cut off by the gag.
Sebastian got up and walked over to the nightstand. Clary heard him rummaging through something, the sound of tinkling metal meeting her ears. He was muttering under his breath, too soft for her to catch what he was saying, but fear clawed at her insides nonetheless. With all her might she tried to get rid of the gag, hoping against hope that she might be able to get someone's attention, even if it would be Valentine's. Even he was better than his deranged son. In the corner of her eye she saw Sebastian turn back to her, his eyes intensely focused on her, in his hand a gleaming scalpel.
"That was something he proved very soon after that."
"What do you mean by that?" Luke asked, not really sure he wanted to know what the answer would be.
Jace shook his head. He couldn't continue yet, the memories that were resurfacing momentarily choking him. He knew that this would be one of the worst memories to relive. Suddenly he got up and rushed off the the bathroom where he emptied the entire contents of his stomach. Dry heaving he collapsed on the cold tiled floor, tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't do this. He couldn't relive those terrible nights, the moments Valentine had managed to strip him of any and all dignity he had, even at eleven years old.
Strong hands took hold of him and his first instinct was to fight back.
"No! Leave me alone!" he shouted, not even looking up to see who was there.
The hands vanished again and he faintly heard a voice above him.
"Jace, it's me, Luke." but the words just didn't register. All he heard were Valentine's shouts, and jeering jests. His skin crawled with the remembered touches of strange and intrusive hands.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" he shouted again and as he curled into himself he heard retreating footsteps.
It must only have been a few minutes but to Jace it felt like hours when he heard someone entering the bathroom again.
"No, no, no…" He muttered to himself. "Please, leave me alone, please…"
His voice was so pleading and desperate that it halted Alec in his tracks. His heart broke for his brother.
"Jace?" He whispered as he kneeled next to him. "Jace, please, look at me, it's me, Alec."
"No, don't come near me! Leave me alone!"
"Jace!" Alec said again, and took him by the shoulders and turned him over to face him, trying to be careful of his brother's healing back.
"Jace, open your eyes, for the love of God, look at me!"
Jace's eyes flew open, blind panic clouding his vision and he tried to lash out, catching Alec a blow on the side of the head.
"Auw! Jace, stop it, stop it!" he grabbed hold of his brother's hands to stop him trying to bash his head in, and held him close to his chest.
"Jace, stop, I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help!"
"Alec?" came a sudden whisper.
"Yes, it's me, slow down now before you hurt yourself even more."
Jace groaned as he tried to sit up. "That might sound like a plan." he said.
"Hang on a moment." Said Alec and he carefully lifted Jace in his arms, like he weighed nothing more than a doll, and carried him back to the room.
"Jace?" Luke asked, sitting on the chair opposite the bed, trying to keep his distance as best as possible in the tiny room.
"I'm alright, Luke, really. I'm sorry if I scared you."
"Don't worry about me, silly. Worry about yourself. That was quite a violent reaction to whatever went through your head."
"I know, I'm sorry." Jace said, still not look I at Luke but trailing his fingers over the the blanket Alec had put over his shoulders. It was a child's blanket Luke had seen lying on Alec's bed earlier.
"This was a blanket Alec brought me on the second night at his place. Maryse had been working late that night and wasn't home yet when I woke up, screaming my head off. Alec came rushing in my room, scrambling up the bed and holding me close. When I had calmed down enough he said I'll be right back. Just sit here for a moment, ok?
And true to his word he returned like 30 seconds later carrying this blanket. It had been his as a child and he kept it close for when he woke up at night. He gave it to me that night and stayed with me, keeping the nightmares away. Ever since then this blanket stayed in my nightstand and I'd take it out when the dreams got too bad.
"I brought it here the night he got attacked in the streets, thought it would help him."
"I'm sure it did help him." Luke said softly. "And it seems to be helping you too."
"It does, I know it's silly, I mean, I'm seventeen and I'm attached to a baby blanket, but it helps." And for the first time he looked up at Luke, a ghost of a sheepish smile around his lips.
"It's not silly at all. We all have something we tend to cling to and there is nothing wrong with that."
"Thanks." Jace murmured and looked down again. "I have to get on with the story, don't I?" He said, his fingers spasming a little.
"Only if you feel up to it." Luke said. "We can call it a night and continue another time."
"No, I will keep going. It'll keep my mind of Clary and it might help you put a case together in case we manage to catch the bastard."
"Ok, but if it gets too much again, I will put a stop to it. This is very taxing for you and you are still recovering. I don't want my ass kicked by your doctors."
Jace chuckled at the idea of the big, burly cop getting a scolding from the nurses.
"But there is something I'd like to ask." Luke said. "Why did you keep going back? What did he hold over you that compelled you to keep your mouth shut?"
Jace looked down, his fingers knitted tightly in the blanket.
"My mother…" Jace whispered.
"He told me he knew where she was and that he'd make sure I'd see her again. But only if I kept quiet. I had already lost my father and I'd do anything to get my mother back." He took a shuddering breath and continued
"Looking back now I'm not sure he wasn't lying. Maybe he has no idea where she is, but somehow I made myself believe that it was all worth it if I found her again."
Luke's heart broke in a million pieces. He took Jace's hand in his and said "We'll try to find her, I promise. And if we catch the bastard I'll make sure to put him away for a very long time."
Jace nodded and tried to smile.
"Thank you." He whispered.
"Are you still sure you want to go on?"
"Yes, I have to. You need the informatio want to see him put behind bars."
"Alright," Luke said. "Is there anything I can get you before you start again?"
Jace nodded "Some tea would be nice. I'm a little cold."
"Tea coming up." Luke said, and left for the cafeteria.
As he walked out, Alec came in.
"How is he doing?" He asked Luke.
"He's better, calmed down enough to talk and he wants to continue."
"You sure that's advisable?"
"No, I'm not, but he's adamant. If he has another breakdown I told him I would stop it and wait for a better moment."
"I'll stay with him till you get back." Alec replied and walked in the room.
"Alec." Jace said as he saw his brother appear in the doorway.
"Hey Jace, how are you feeling?"
"I'm alright, and I'm sorry for hitting you over the head."
"Don't worry about it. It wasn't all that hard and I kind of saw it coming. I ducked, just not in time."
Jace grinned, it was so like Alec to downplay what had happened to him. He knew all too well that he had dealt his brother quite the blow, but the other would never admit that.
"Jace, after what has just happened, don't you think it might be better for me to stay? Just in case this happens again? You know Luke can't help you."
"Alec, no, I don't want you to hear this. Seriously!" Jace said, a little harsher than he had meant, but fear gripped him at the thought of Alec hearing what he was about to say.
He was so torn between the need to have someone he loved close to him as support and the fear of what kind of revulsion Alec might feel if he heard what had happened.
"Jace, please, you're making this so much harder on yourself than necessary."
"No I'm not. I can't have you go through that!"
"Stop making this about me. It's you I'm worried about. I just saw you having a complete meltdown, you didn't recognise Luke, for heaven's sake you didn't even recognise me at the start!" Alec shouted, the pain he felt for his sibling written clearly on his face. "You have no idea how hard that is to watch! I hate seeing you like this, torturing yourself, making yourself go through it alone when I'm here, standing so close and not being able to help you! And don't tell me I can't help. I know I can, just by being here." Tears leaked down his cheeks and he covered his face in his hands.
"Please, please let me help." He whispered.
Jace just sat there, thunderstruck by Alec's outburst. After a few moments he said: "Ok, let's do it like this. Just wait outside the room for a moment. Give me some time to gather myself. It's not easy saying these things in front of you, Alec. I mean, Luke is an outsider for me. Even though he's Clary's dad, he's just not so close. Telling him things that would hurt him isn't that hard, but telling them where you can hear them, that's almost impossible.
"So, just wait for me to call you in, ok?"
Alec nodded. "Alright, I'll wait for your get go, but don't be stubborn, ok?"
"Scouts honor." Jace said, and winked at his brother.
Simon and Magnus had pulled the car over about fifteen minutes before they would arrive at their destination. Night had set in properly and neither of them felt comfortable approaching the whole enterprise in the dark. On the other hand, they would benefit off the cover of darkness to look around and find clues.
"So, what do you think?" Simon asked, trying to find a more comfortable position in the car seat after hours of almost non-stop driving.
"I think we have to go on. We park the car a mile or so away from the house and go on by foot. That way they'll probably won't notice us coming up so soon. If we find any clue what so ever we call Luke for backup." Magnus replied and started the car again.
The entire trip had passed in near total silence, neither of the men in the car had felt any need for talk. And now as they neared their goal, the tension became more palpable by the minute. Both of them were worried about Clary, and about Jace. Simon felt like he had landed in some bad detective series and had a nagging feeling that at any time something was about to go seriously wrong. He knew they had made the right decision by going here by themselves and leaving Luke to talk to Jace, but nonetheless he was jittery and his nerves were about to take over.
"We're here." Magnus said, a lot sooner than Simon had anticipated. "It's best we leave the car here, I can already see some lights shining up ahead and I really don't want to take any more risks than necessary." He let the engine of the car die and got out. Simon followed, his mind on Clary and thinking about how she might need him. If Jace's condition was anything to go by, Valentine was a man without a conscious and he feared the state they might find his best friend in.
"Let's go." Said Magnus and Simon quickly fell into step next to him, holding on to a big flashlight in case he might have to hit someone over the head with it.
Clary lay on the bed, still chained, tears streaming down her cheeks. Sebastian stood over her, a manic glint in his eyes. She had fainted a couple of times over the past half hour, the pain unbearable. Despite her half delirious state her brain kept pushing her, trying to find ways to distract the man who stood above her. But with her hands bound and a gag in her mouth that was a hard feat.
Her hands and feet had gone numb, she couldn't feel them anymore and was sure that, even if she managed to get out of her bindings, she wouldn't be able to walk, let alone run. But her head and stomach hurt like hell. She could feel small, hot streams of blood trickling down her sides. Sebastian had made good use of the scalpels he had brought, and from the looks of it, he wasn't done yet.
Jace had gratefully accepted the cup of tea Luke had brought him. The smell of mint calmed his nerves and the hot cup warmed his frozen hands.
"Are you sure about this?" Luke asked for the umpteenth time.
"Yes, but Luke, I think I'm going to ask Alec to come in. I'm not sure I can do this on my own."
"Whatever you need, Jace. If you think this will help, then that is fine by me. I saw he was sitting just outside the room."
"I know, I asked him to wait there in case I wanted him back. And as much as I don't want him hearing what I'm about to say, I don't think I can make it through without him here."
"Shall I go get him?"
Jace nodded his head and Luke got up to get the eldest Lightwood. Once Alec had settled himself next to Jace, Luke reached for the recorder and signaled to Jace that he could start if he wanted to.
"Ok, here goes…" Jace said and took a deep breath.
"One night, when I went to Valentine, he told me that I was ready for the next step. And whatever that meant, I knew it wasn't good news. Usually when I went there, I was told to go to the second floor. There's a library there and he would usually put out a book for me to start reading and studying before he came up to do whatever he thought needed to be done. But that night, he told me to go up to the third floor, a place I had never been before. He said he had friends over and would he up shortly. I did as I was told and waited for him to come to me. The room was a strange one. It held benches and chairs all round the walls and a table and single chair in the middle of the room. I couldn't for the life of me imagine what he was planning, but found out soon enough.
"When Valentine got upstairs he told me to take off my clothes. That in itself wasn't unusual so I took of my shirt and waited. But he backhanded me and repeated to take off my clothes, all of them. I was shocked, but also so scared that I did as I was told. Slowly other people started coming into the room. Valentine told me they were his friends and that they would be helping him with the next step. I noticed that most of them were wearing eye masks and sunglasses and it was all so confusing. I was scared, but I didn't dare cry, knowing that it would make Valentine angry."
Jace stopped a moment, breathing heavily. He found Alec's hands blindly and held onto them, squeezing hard. Alec looked over at Luke, concern in his eyes. Luke just shook his head, silently letting Alec know that he did all he could and to just let Jace come to it on his own. There was just nothing else any of them could really do. After a little while, Jace relaxed his iron grip on Alec's hands and continued.
"Once everyone was inside Valentine shackled me to the table, and all the men took turns at me. Using whips and canes and whatnot to hurt me. It obviously gave them a rush. What happened after that was possibly even worse, when they actually took turn in using me to… to…" His voice faltered as he choked off the words, tears streaming down his face. He let them fall, unable to help it.
Alec had gotten closer to him, hugging him carefully and Jace leaned into his brother's touch. Alec could feel the energy draining from his sibling and decidedly moved over to the end of the bed, leaning against the headboard and pulling Jace over with him, making him lean against his torso. It took a moment for Jace to adjust and find a position that didn't hurt him, but after a while he relaxed, just a little bit.
Jace was shivering, and Alec pulled a blanket over his shoulders while tucking the baby blanket underneath Jace's head. Jace nuzzled it, almost instinctively, trying to find anything reassuring to hold on to.
"It's alright Jace, just take a moment." Luke said softly, putting his hand on the younger ones and holding on to it, trying to help him find his bearings.
"I can't…" Jace choked, "I can't say it."
"Would it help if I said it and you just say yes or no?" Luke asked.
Jace nodded, unable to say anything at the moment.
"Jace, please look at me." Luke said, and he lifted the boy's head so their eyes were level.
"Jace, were you raped that night? By Valentine and those other men?"
"Yes…" Jace said. "Yes I was." His voice ended in a whisper, barely audible over the sobs that kept wreaking through his body. He had turned his face away, unable to look at anyone in the room and held on close to Alec, who still held him in an embrace, trying not to fall apart.
Luke sighed a deep sigh. Although he had expected this to come his heart broke for him all over again.
"That was the first time this happened?"
"Yes, but it wasn't the last. Not that it was a true regular occurrence, but a few times a year I'd hear voices in the parlour when I arrived at his place and I knew what was about to happen. The last time was only a few weeks ago."
Jace felt Alec tighten next to him.
"Don't feel bad Alec, please, you couldn't have known. No one did."
"Clary found out, didn't she?" Alec asked.
"She found out that someone was hurting me, yes. She never knew the actual extent of the situation though. She never knew what they had done to me that night."
Simon was following the path hot on Magnus's heels, their flashlights spreading beams of light along the way.
"How are we ever going to make sure this is the right place without going inside?" Simon whispered.
"I have no idea." Magnus admitted, "But we have to keep faith. Let's hope we can catch something through the windows or something."
"That's reassuring." Simon muttered, but he kept going. Clary needed them, and they had to be quick about it.
A little way ahead of them a van was parked at the side of the winding path. And the house came into better focus. Most of the lights were off save for two windows on the upper floor.
"With no lights it'll be hard to see anything in there." Simon observed.
"But that also means we won't get spotted so easily since they're probably upstairs getting ready for bed."
"Psychopaths need sleep?" Came Simon's sarcastic remark, but then he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
"Magnus!" he said, and the tone of his voice made the man in front of him turn and almost run over to him.
"What? Did you see something?"
Simon had crouched down at the end of the van, his fingers tracing over something gold and gleaming on the ground.
"We're at the right place." he said, "This is Clary's necklace, I gave it to her years ago and she wore it every day since then. She must have dropped it as a clue."
"Simon, are you sure about this?"
"Yes, it's custom made.I saved up for it for an entire year to have it made. I know this is hers!"
"Then we call Luke now. He needs to send backup. We'll keep looking around in the meantime."
Luke's phone rang and the whole room jumped a little.
"Hang on, it's Simon." Luke said as he grabbed his phone.
"Simon! Where the hell are you? Why didn't you answer my calls and my messages!"
Luke started, but he cut off suddenly, his eyes going wide.
"Wait, what? You found her? Where are you?" Luke shot out of the room and left Jace and Alec just staring after him.
Within a minute Luke had returned, a notepad in hand.
"Luke!" Jace said, "Did they find Clary?"
"Simon and Magnus think they did. I already dispatched a team and I'll be driving up there now. I'm sorry for putting a stop to this Jace."
"Don't mind me! I want to come with you."
"Jace you can't! Not in your condition."
"Luke, please, I need to be there if they find her. I need to be there for her,... and for me too. It's my fault she's there in the first place!"
"No Jace, you're in no shape to go with me."
"I promise I won't be in your way. Cuff me to the car if you need to, but please take me along with you. I can't just sit here and wait, I've done enough of that."
"Jace," Alec said. "You can't be there. You are in no condition to be there and you can't help. I'll stay with you and I'm sure Luke will give us updates as he goes."
"No!" Jace shouted, "I'm not staying behind! Please let me go."
"I'm sorry Jace, I can't do that. Please just calm down. I promise to update as often as I can and I'll get Clary to you as soon as possible. But you need to stay put and keep up your strength. She will need you when she gets back here."
"She'll need me when she gets out of there too!"
"I know, but I'll be there for her. I promise to take good care of you. But now if you don't settle yourself I'm going to call in a nurse and ask her to sedate you. I don't want to do that, but I won't have a choice."
"Please, please, please…" Jace kept pleading, his eyes full of worry.
"I promise to keep you updated, really, but you can't come. Alec will stay with you."
Alec held his brother tight, keeping him on the bed. "You go Luke." He said, "I'll take care of Jace."
With that Luke left the room and Alec pulled Jace 's sobbing frame close to him, murmering in his ear that everything would be alright.