CHAPTER 26

I slid the key card into the slot and opened the door to the suite. At the end of the entry hall, I could see the faint glow of one of the lights in the living room. The sun had long since set and dark had settled in. As I stepped down into the living room, I could see Jace sitting in one of the leather covered wingback chairs at the opposite end. He had a whiskey in one hand and was turning his cell phone over in the other. His forearms were resting on his thighs. His face was turned down toward the ground and his long dark hair hung loosely around him. He lifted his face when he heard my heels click on the marble surface of the steps as I crossed over to the bar and poured myself a glass of white wine.

"I was gettin' worried, Cook. You've been gone a long time," he said. His voice was dark and raspy and his normally bright blue eyes looked glazed and dull.

"We talked longer than I thought we would," I said, sitting down on the couch across from him and kicking off my sandals.

"Where's Finn?" he asked.

"He's staying at the house with Matt tonight. It's part of the reason I'm late. Matt made dinner for the three of us and I stayed to nurse Finn before he went to bed," I replied.

"Was he happy to see his Daddy?" he asked, looking down into his glass.

"Yeah, he was...and his Daddy was happy to see him," I said.

"You're going back to him, aren't you?" An awkward silence hung in the air before I answered him.

"Yes, Jackson...I am," I said. He put his drink and his cell phone down on the stand next to the chair. He got up, walked over to me, then slowly kneeled down in front of me. I could tell by his eyes and the slight slur to his words that the drink he had in his hand when I walked in wasn't his first.

"You forgave him again, didn't you?" He rubbed his hands over his face, tucking the loose strands of hair that had fallen onto his face behind both ears.

"No, Jackson...I haven't forgiven him for what he did, but I did agree to try to move past it," I said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"He's got to be the luckiest sonofabitch on the face of the earth," he said. "What made you take him back this time? Did he sit up and beg like the fucking dog he his is or did you roll over for him like a good girl?"

"Stop it, Jace. Go to bed...you're drunk," I said, getting up from the couch, feeling annoyed. He grabbed my wrist before I could move away from him.

"You're goddamn right I'm drunk. I can't stay stone cold sober and watch you walk out of my life and back to that motherfucker that doesn't deserve you. If I'm lucky and I drink enough out of that bottle of Jack Daniels, I'll eventually pass out. That way, I won't dream about you...at least not tonight," he said, leaning on the coffee table to push himself up. He staggered backwards as he got to his feet. Instinctively, I grabbed his arm and helped to steady him. I tried to guide him towards his bedroom.

"By the looks of that bottle, I'd say you're about two swallows away from achieving your goal," I said.

"You still love me, Cook...I know you do," he said, suddenly stopping. He stroked the side of my face with his fingers, looking down on me with those soulful blue eyes of his.

"I've never denied that," I said, turning my face away from him and trying like hell not to cry. It had been an emotional day and I was mentally exhausted. I had no energy left in my body to argue or to shed anymore tears.

"Then why does he get to have you and I don't? Why the hell am I the one left alone?"

"You know the answer to that, Jace. We've talked about this. Not every decision we make in this life is an easy one," I said, pushing the door to his bedroom open with my foot.

"Or the right one," he said. He unzipped his jeans and pushed them down past his hips and onto the floor around his feet. He sat down on the edge of the bed and I helped him pull his shirt off over his head. I felt a shockwave run through my body as our eyes connected. He held me by the wrists and pulled me down in front of him.

"Climb into this bed and let me make love to you one more time, baby...please...you're all I've ever wanted since the moment I laid my eyes on you in Mexico. I want to feel your body wrapped around mine one last time." His voice was soft now and his eyes were glowing with their usual fire.

"You know I can't do that, cowboy," I whispered as the tears I had been fighting to hold back rolled defiantley down my cheeks.

"Then I guess I'll have to hang on to the memory of us makin' love a couple of days ago for the rest of my life. I did it once before for fifteen years and I can do it again. It was the only thing that kept me from puttin' a bullet in my head over there," he said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder, crying harder than I ever had before.

"I do love you, cowboy...I never really stopped. The love I felt for you back then never died. It was just hidden somewhere deep inside my mind where I couldn't get to it because I didn't want to live without you! Since you came here, it's been like someone's unlocked that secret place in my head where you were hiding, waiting for me…but it's too late for us, Jace. I wish things could be different, but they can't. I have to do what's best for everyone, not just you and me," I cried.

"My heart is breakin', Cookie," he said, his voice cracking with emotion as his arms encircled me.

"I'm sorry, cowboy...I'm so sorry," I said, still crying.

"Will you stay here with me tonight? At least let me hold you one last time, baby...please. Finn's not here, so you won't have to leave this bed. I promise I won't try anything...too damn drunk anyway. I just want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up the same way," he said.

I nodded my head yes, unable to speak. I stood up and removed my jewelry and placed it on the nightstand. I turned my back to him and asked him to unzip my dress. He willingly obliged my request. I let it drop down around my feet. His eyes slowly scanned me from head to toe as I took off my bra and stood in front of him in just my panties. I didn't feel the least bit ashamed or guilty for being half naked in front of him or for agreeing to stay with him. He was an incredible man who had given me an amazing love and a life I would never forget again.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said, his voice still cracking as he spoke. I kneeled down in front of him and helped him remove his prosthesis. I felt him lovingly stroke my hair as I carefully undid the straps. I lifted my face upwards to look at him. His blue eyes were alight with an intense fire made even brighter by the glistening of his unshed tears. He placed both of his hands on either side of my neck, tracing the skin down to my collar bone. He let his fingers softly move across the tops of my shoulders and down my arms. His grip suddenly tightened and he pulled me upwards until my face was level with his own. He tilted his head slightly to the right and leaned in slowly until our lips met in a soft, wet kiss. My body began to ache for him. I wanted him to take me in his arms and make love to me with the same intensity and passion that he had two nights ago. I loved Matthew, but the feelings I had for this man defied explanation. It was as if we were made exclusively for each other, like two hands fitting into a custom made pair of leather gloves. The way he loved me was equally overwhelming.

When he released me, I took a sharp breath in, unable to find a normal rhythm of breathing. The throbbing between my legs was unbearable and I fought with every fiber of my being to keep myself from doing what felt natural to me. He lifted his arm enough for me to slide under it and I climbed into bed next to him. I snuggled in close, pressing my body against his and instantly felt drawn to him, wanting more. The sensation of his arm around me and the warm scent of his skin conspired against every nerve in my body that was trying like hell to resist the urge to climb on top of him and give him what he wanted...what we both wanted. I pushed my face into the side of his chest, trying in vain to keep the sobs that were in my throat from escaping. I laid my arm across his broad chest and hooked my leg over his. I placed a few light kisses on the side of his chest as I held him.

"I want this night to last forever, baby. I don't know how I'm gonna let you walk away from me tomorrow without fallin' apart," he said, his voice now groggy with fatigue and the effects of the whiskey he drank.

"I was thinking the same thing, cowboy," I whispered.

I woke to the feeling of the front of his body pressing against the back of mine. His left arm was draped over me, holding me tight to him. His face laid against the left side of my neck. I could feel his breath in my ear. I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensation of his big warm body close to mine. I laced my fingers with his and brought his hand up to my mouth, placing soft kisses on the tips of his fingers. His body shifted slightly as he took his hand out of mine and cupped my left breast. He placed a few soft kisses on my neck as his thumb adeptly stroked my nipple, making the flesh stand rigid. I arched my body back against his, feeling his arousal against the small of my back.

"Fuck, baby...what you do to me," he whispered against my neck. I rolled over to face him. His eyes were still closed when I reached my hand up to touch the side of his face. I lightly stroked his beard with my fingers until his eyes finally opened.

"What time is it?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"It's still early," I whispered.

"Then our night together isn't over," he said, pressing his big hand against the small of my back and pulling me tight up against him.

"Not for several more hours yet, cowboy," I said, lifting my head up towards his and brushing my lips across his mouth.

"Then you're still mine for a while," he said before covering my mouth with his. His hand snaked up my back and onto the back of my head, holding me captive to his tongue that was gently probing my mouth. I held onto the side of his neck as our tongues danced together in a soft, wet parade. I hooked my right leg over his left hip, deliberatly pressing my sex against the growing hardness under his grey boxer briefs.

"I will always be yours, cowboy," I said. "I still love you, Jace...and after today, I may never see you again. Before I go back to my life without you, I want to remember how it feels to be touched and loved completely by the one man who's never hurt me. And I want you to remember me and the way I loved you," I said, feeling a few tears fall.

"No one will ever love you as much as I do," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. He looked up at me, his eyes wet with his own tears. I stroked his hair back and cupped his face with my hands. I leaned in, placing my lips on his and kissing him softly.

"I can't do it...I can't let you go, baby...not again. Please tell me that I won't have to," he said, his voice cracking in a way that had become all too familiar to me. I began to cry, unable to control the emotions that I was feeling. When Jace first came to Chicago, I never expected to fall in love with him all over again. I couldn't remember most of our life together and had been content in my marriage with Matt. I loved my husband, but now there was a broken link in the chain that held us together and I didn't know if it would ever be repaired. As far back as I could remember, there had been nothing broken in my marriage to Jace, nothing until the Army told me he was dead. Hearing that he was alive after all these years scared the hell out of me. I had no desire to reconnect with him, even though he was asking to see me. Maybe subconsciously, I knew what would happen if I saw him again. A woman never truly recovers from losing a love as intense and perfect as ours was when we first met. Love had come big, bigger than what Matt and I had even now. I was terrified of letting Jace go and never feeling again the way I felt right now in his arms.

"I will always belong to you, Jackson...whether or not we're together. The part of me that's you will never die. I won't let it," I said. He took my head in his hands, pulling my face down to his, holding me tight and hungrily kissing me. He gently shifted and laid me down on the bed next to him. He softly caressed my face before gathering me in his arms and wrapping his right leg over mine. He placed a few light kisses just below my ear before nuzzling his face into the side of my neck.

"I'm so happy that I still have a place in your heart, Cook...but not seeing you everyday is gonna be hell. I survived for fifteen years on just the memory of your face. Not sure if I can do it again," he said as he nuzzled in closer and pulled me tighter against his body. I wept as he held me, my head telling me one thing and my heart telling me something else entirely. My life had been shattered into a million pieces by what Matt had done. If it hadn't been for our son, I would not have been able to see the way forward. Falling into bed with Jace was not something I had anticipated and not something I was proud of, but the love we had shared came back stronger than ever and I couldn't have fought it even if I tried. I was ashamed at myself for doing the same thing that Matt had done to me, but it had filled the emptiness that Jace had felt before he came here and for that, I was happy. What I hadn't expected was to end up having stronger feelings for him than I did my own husband.

Someone once said that it costs zero dollars to remind someone that they are not alone in the world, but reminding Jace that he wasn't alone had cost me something much more than money.

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