FOUR POV

Chapter song : Physical by Dua Lipa

I woke up to the sound of footsteps and a bang of the front door, then I see him. Walking past with a bottle in his hand. The door closed and some engine roars away.

He is gone. I try to move but my eyes are still blurry. Pain rips through my right side all through my ribs to my back.

I feel my back burning and then I remember, I had lost count, lost count of the number of times the belt came down on me just a few hours ago.

My head was in searing pain and my arms were rigid. Like everything was... broken. I willed all my energy and pushed myself up. Staggering bit. My legs were like jelly, as if to collapse any moment. My vision was failing me but I had to get to the bathroom. I crawled up the stairs, on my four limbs. The carpet was soaked, of... my blood but fuck that shit.

I walked and walked and finally found the knob of my bathroom.

Fuck when did my room become this big.

My fucking shirt was soaked in blood and sharp stings attacked my back as I tried to pull away the shirt off.

The water was warm and inviting... But I knew, it was going to hurt. Really bad.

I saw the water flow, red into my bathtub drain, my cuts were bleeding. Not stopped yet. I finished my shower and dried off my front making sure not to let any of my other cuts open. I swallowed two pills and tied up my back. I had to stock up... I was running out of supplies.

I thrash back onto the bed and I could remember a low notification sound as my heavy eyelids close. My Mind numb because of the pain.

Now when I look at my phone hopelessly, I am lost.

It is 11 in the morning. Marcus never came back. Or even if he did, he left the house as it is. I had to skip school hoping that Amar would cover for me.

Everything was fucked up. And now... It is even more.

"Do you want to do it again?" I repeated to myself willing the text to disappear from my screen. It was the girl I could get off my fucking mind.

Fuck.

Is that it. What she means. I remember her beneath me. Never leaving my eyes. I usually leave after my one night stands. There is a reason they call them that. But i just couldn't. She was drawing me in. So beautiful and fierce. I could have not even imagined what would it be like before I did it. We wanted that, both of us.

Fuck, did she have to do this. Just the thought of her wanting that with me was enough to get me to the edge.

My hand snaked into my pant as memories from the night sneaked into my mind. I could feel her eyes on me. Her lips on my mouth, my jaw, everywhere. I sighed to myself. How many times would I have to do this... again. I wanted it real. But i simply couldn't. Even though my brain cells combusted just by the fact that she texted me. I knew she could do better than this. Better than me, I would be more than happy just getting myself off by thought of her than pushing her into my shit. She could date a good guy, she could make love to him and not just... Fuck.

My Mind recreated the burns in my chest that I felt as she agreed to Christina's offer to go on a date. Maybe she liked him.

Maybe I knew what she wanted but I couldn't give it to her.

I flicked my phone off and got back into my deep slumber, my back upwards. My chest stuck to the bed and sleep overpowered me.

TRIS POV

I hover around my locker, staring into the empty space where he would rather be searching for his things. Tori's class was quiet today. Lack of that asshole's banter in my ear, his constant flirting and his constant snarky remarks made it empty.

I saw two fingers snap in front of my eyes,

"Tris what are you thinking?" Zeke's voice cuts in.

"um,... N.. Nothing why?"

"You just looked lost."

I smile at him, a bit apprehensive of his observation.

"just... Something on my mind"

He nods his head and turns back to Tori.

"Umm Zeke, do you maybe..." nerves set in. "do you like have any idea where... Um" I look everywhere but him "Four is today"

He looks at me weird and stumbles a bit with his answer, maybe due to my apprehensive tone.

"N. No I was wondering the same. He must be hungover or some shit. Whenever he doesn't come he is always just doing his dad's office shit. Why what's wrong?"

"Nothing just asking. What... Umm... what about the office shit."

"I don't know its some paperwork. He says so. His dad is in a huge position and he wants Four to do the same. Its actually depressing. He wants to-"

Tori's voice cuts in. "Silence there"

We shook out head at the same time to escape Tori's glare.

As I ponder on what Zeke had told me, I whisper him a thank you and I force my eyes towards the class.

*

I roll back and forth on the balls of my heels, rocking lightly, I press my heels to the ground,

Oh shit, I swipe out my phone to see my last message.

To Four Eaton,

Tris: do you want to do it again?

Fuck.

My hand hovers over the message yearning to see whether he had read it or not.

Apprehension shows in when i go to click the chat box,

Should I delete it? Yes. No. Yes. Involuntarily my hand pressed the message and the box opened.

Read. Check.

There was no turning back now. I could have asked him in a better way but it was the moment. The same day as my date. The text, I agree was impulsive.

A weight settled down in my chest. Is he ignoring me. He'll no he can not. He simply cannot. He is just maybe busy with paperwork shit. My hands visibly shake as i look at the message. And thoughts creep in. Of him ignoring me. Not talking to me. No flirting. No messing around. I started to feel a little doubt...

Was I used? Did he use me.

I would be a hypocrite because I was in a way asking permission to use him to find myself... In bed. My choices. After that damn text message. He has no fucking right to use me. And i was doing the right thing asking him. It is better to be frank.

Chris slides in beside me. " Hey Trissy. How you're doing baby girl"

"Hey Chris, yeah... Um fi.." I shove my phone into my bag with a jerk, "fine".

"uhhu hon, what did I see there, who was tha huh" she teases getting her teasing smile on.

"No.. No one. Just.. Mom you know"

"ohhh. Anyways i dont believe you how was date with Eriiiiiic" she sings out his name.

"Chris stop keep it down."

"aww baby, you're blushing. Was he good in bed?"

"God, I am not blushing. And WE DID NOT HAVE SEX" I whisper scream at her.

"What but didnt he drop you home. And usually when guys drop you home..."

"Chris! Shut up. No. He just dropped me okay."

She giggles. "Oh okay... So what were you guys doing for so long in the woods"..

"we were just talking Chris!"

"Okay okay fine. But did you like him?"

"God... Whats your obsession with Eric. He is nice." I roll my eyes.

"awwwww I can see that blush Babe". You like him yaaaaas. You are mrs Prior, going on a date with him"

"No I mean he is a good friend, and he is cute but... I dont think I am ready for a relationship right now."

"are you ever. Come on Tris enjoy life" she rolls her eyes.

"Look Chris. I like him and all but I really don't know if I can do that right now. You know, dating is just... Hard"

"How do you know?"

"Come on Christina. Listen hon, I don't like him that much to date him. He is okay. I mean I can try but I need some time to get into a full fledged relationship. Maybe it's is Eric or maybe someone else. I dont know."

" Lets cut you some slack. Promise me try it one week. Just for me please. I want my best friend to be happy."

" Hm... I'll think about it. " just to get her off my back.

"Yesssssss I love you Trissy. You're the best. "

Chris waits for me to finish with my locker business as we get to her car.

"Wait", Chris starts, "I have been meaning to ask you, how did you get home from the party"

I freeze, my hand on the handle of the shotgun. Only one name comes to my mind and the things along with that name. Four Eaton.

She throws the questions o casually that she slides into the drivers seat without noticing any of my "frozen" state and the hard bright red blush that comes to my face.

"Tris what's wrong with you. Get in the car."

She knocks on the window startling me to awareness again.

"YEAH sorry"

"Are you okay?"

"yeah totally"

Why were yous o shocked when I asked that? "

" umm nothing just uh... I dont remember ... Anything. I think i was too drunk to remember anything and you know with the hangover and all."

"oh you're so right. It took em all weekend to get sober again. Thank god Will's parents were not home that Saturday. I just told mom I was staying over for homework and we spent yeh day at his place. It was baaaad."

"oh yeah" I look out of the window to hide my still recovering face.

"and Saturday night we woke up and had our breakfast.. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. Breakfast at night. And... Basically life was bliss from then on. All Night long Will and I just enjoyed soo much. It was the best..."

"Chris, I don't need to hear that"

"No you have to hear... Imm your best friend." she continued talking about her loooong night with Will.

"OMG stop Chrissy" I chuckle at her antics.

"so we did it all night long and then he was like soo good-"

I plug my fingers into my ears, "okay stop" I laugh.

(Hey guys! Lately I have not been motivated to cont this story... Idk why I just am not able to. Its been hard to write. I need some inspiration. Even though I have a set storyline I am finding it difficult to put that into words. I'll try my best. Please enjoy and comment if you like it. )