Chapter Thirty-Eight: A Kiss of Failure
Alice (POV)
Hunting felt pointless. I felt like I had cried enough to last a lifetime. I sat like a lump, unable to do anything but sit in the rain. I knew it had been hours, but I could not conjure up any motivation to move. Maybe I would sit in one place and let myself petrify like the legends of the Romanian vampire kings. Of course, I couldn't abandon my family, not when they needed me.
"Fuck." I said softly. "Fuckkkkkkkk!" I screamed into the darkness at the utter imbalance and indifference shown by fate, my fickle goddess. I had seen Angela hooked up to a ventilator, but I had first assumed it was James, then maybe Victoria. Then the baby. How could I not have seen the crash? That was twice I had failed to save Angela from a car crash, three times counting my hesitation that caused Bella so much pain.
I stood and looked up into the starless sky, the low dark grey cloud cover matched my mood perfectly. The rain mimicking the tears I could never shed. I had been with my family for nearly sixty years and had never once failed to protect them. Yet, I had failed my new sisters in every way conceivable. I had even hurt Charlie, who should never have been involved with us in the first place.
"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice startled me; I hadn't heard him approach. I looked over and found Charlie staring at me. His face looked different, younger. I almost laughed when I realized what he had done. His mere presence giving me a lift emotionally.
"You finally looked in a mirror?" I said with a genuine smile, and I almost laughed again at the absurdity of feeling lighter in his presence.
"Thought I would shave off a few years… literally." He said with a small chuckle, rubbing a hand over his now smooth chin and mouth.
"Ugh, that was an awful joke Charlie." I did let loose a small chuckle but turned it into a groan. I didn't want to encourage his sense of humor.
"Eh, I've been a dad for almost twenty years, sue me. You know, it took me twenty minutes to work up the courage to look in a mirror, and when I saw myself, I realized I looked stupid with that mustache. It took ten razors to get it all off, ten. Please tell me it won't grow back." Despite the light-hearted tone of his voice, I could see the grief in his eyes. He had been friends with the Weber's and went to Franklin Weber's Sunday services who had also officiated at Bella's wake and funeral. I had no doubt Charlie was feeling as badly I was, perhaps worse. I wasn't sure if his humor was because his emotions were still partially tamped down, or maybe he was naturally good at compartmentalization.
"No, it won't grow back. We don't change. I'm surprised you were successful; our hair is pretty tough." I couldn't really respond the way I wanted to, with a joke. I wanted to be bright for him, my old self. I just hadn't felt like that Alice in a long time.
"I was pretty aggressive with it when I realized I couldn't cut myself." He started, then paused when he took in my mood. "Sorry for bothering you, Rose was wondering where you were, so I volunteered."
"And?" I replied, knowing that was only the excuse, not the reason for coming here.
"And... I just can't watch Bella anymore, it's too hard." He shook his head after he said it and winced. "I know I'm supposed to be there for her, and I've partially figured out my shield thing so I'm not just a brick anymore. But all of this? How am I supposed to fight when I don't know what I'm up against? The rules here keep changing, and now Angela is laying on a bed in Carlisle's office when she should be in a freaking hospital."
"I know, our lives don't always make sense. You kinda just roll with it after a while. Honestly, the family kissed away normalcy while we stayed here in Forks. So... I guess you can blame Edward." I frowned at my attempt at humor, and Charlie didn't even crack a smile. "I know you're not his biggest fan, but if you could see how he changed after meeting her. How he died inside when he failed her. It was heart-wrenching to watch." I had no idea why I felt the need to defend Edward, but I wanted to make sure Charlie could accept him if... when he returned from hunting for Victoria.
"I don't like Edward, but I have conceded the argument. It isn't my place to judge Bella's choices. Anyway, let's not dwell on that stuff right now. I keep asking myself what I want to know about this family I find myself in, and the thing that keeps coming to mind is you. Tell me about yourself, I really want to know more." He gave me a small smile, almost a shy one and leaned against a tree that still had enough leaves to give him cover from the rain. I leaned against it next to him.
"There isn't a lot to tell." I tried to deflect, but he just shook his head at me.
"I find that hard to believe. Tell me anything, a favorite memory about your human family." He had touched on the one thing I never wanted to talk about, but it was only fair that he understood why.
"I don't talk about my mortal life because I have no recollection of it. I have no memory of being turned, or even my full name. I've always been Alice." I hoped it would be enough, I had gone through several dead-end searches with Carlisle but couldn't cope with another hopeless search of my missing past.
"What do you remember?" Of course, his inquisitive mind would ask me a probing question, I almost tried to change the subject, but the question served as an adequate distraction from everything else.
"My first memory was opening my eyes to darkness, and for a few seconds I thought I was blind. Then I found a small sliver of light under a doorway, and I burst my way through it. I had been stuffed in a utility closest in a sanitarium. The night staff were my first victims. I had no sense of self yet; I only knew thirst." It was my greatest regret, and I had always wondered if I was left in that place just to slaughter those people. It was far too specific, the looks on their faces when I killed them seared into my memories.
"I'm sorry, I understand how that could happen, after what I've been feeling since waking up to this life." Charlie looked over and gave me a sympathetic smile and motioned with his head to move on with my story.
"I wandered for a while, until I had my first vision of Jasper and the rest of the Cullen's. That vision showed me another way to be, and my future in this family. It took everything I had to leave the city and live in the forest. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and eventually I had control of my impulses. Over several years I carefully and methodically learned how to live among people, until it was time. I waited for hours for Jasper to show up, just because I was so eager to finally meet him. When I did, it must've felt like a sign to him, because he followed me willingly, without hesitation. Yet he never truly fit in with my chosen lifestyle. Even though he had lost his desire to kill, the thirst was always a struggle. That's why he left me and the family." I was lost to my memories when I felt Charlie touch my shoulder reassuringly. It startled me, and yet the contact felt wonderful.
"Is it strange that I find you fascinating?" He asked looking at me directly.
"No, I like that you find me fascinating." I paused, not sure what I should say next. "Charlie, can you see past my face? Can you accept me for who I really am, and not the lie we were forced to tell?" I wasn't sure if the direct approach was right, but I felt something looking into his eyes, and I wanted desperately to explore it.
He looked away shyly, if he were human, I could swear he was blushing. "I've always liked you the best, even though it felt strange and deeply inappropriate to be attracted to one of my teenage daughter's friends. Now, well you're single, and technically older than me. I'm starting to feel like my attraction was real, maybe even justified. Could you like a dope in a uniform? Cause I'll never stop being a lawman."
"You are nothing like I expected Charlie Swan, and I cannot fathom why she left you?" I reached out a hand to tentatively touch his face and he didn't flinch at my touch.
"I think we came together to make Bella and that's it. We never got along, no matter how much I loved her we never fit together." He sounded sad but accepting of his lonely past.
"We could try, see if we fit together." I put it out there, wondering if it was too soon.
"No… I mean not yet." He said clenching his jaw, it was obvious this was extremely hard for him to say. I let my hand fall to my side, as I tried to reign in my anger. It was too soon.
"If I fall into your arms right now, I don't know if I'll be me or just a version of the man you want me to be. I want to be with you. You make me feel light and happy and human. I just don't know if that's real." He looked lost, but I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.
"Duh, you don't know who you are, and I don't know who I am anymore. Why can't we figure that out together?" I reached up and cupped his face in my hands and leaned in towards him. I knew it wrong to be indulging in this, but I couldn't fight how right it felt. I had no idea how I was going to tell Bella, but I didn't care.
"Are you sure?" He was staring into my eyes longingly, and I just closed the distance between us and tentatively pressed my lips to his closing my eyes. He lifted me up and held me tightly, pressed against the trunk of the tree. We kissed for a while, lost in each other's embrace. Until finally we pulled apart and I buried my face in his jacket, taking in his scent. He smelled like home.
"What was the name of the sanitarium?" He asked unexpectedly.
"It burned down in 55', all the patient records were lost." I said looking back up at him, as he set me down on my feet. I almost pouted, happy to be so close to him.
"The hospital records are one path, but they aren't the only way. Now we might have to jump through a few hoops, but assuming you were a patient, the original request to the state to have you committed, that would leave a civil record trail that we follow. That would have your name, or maybe your parent's names if yours was redacted due to age. We find that, we can easily track down your family. Sixty…" I raised a finger up to indicate longer. "Seventy?" I raised it up again. "Damn, well you might have family still alive." He said and reached out and caressed my cheek. I leaned into his touch, it felt marvelous to be close to someone again. It felt better that it was someone that wanted the same things I did.
"Way to make a girl feel old." I chuckled and rested my head against his chest. He immediately began to stroke my hair, and I sighed in contentment. "I awoke to this life in 1920, can you really do something with so little to go on?" I asked feeling a little overwhelmed.
"Just a few calls, I don't even have to be alive for that kind of inquiry. I can even use my real name, if they call my department, they'll just think it was something I was looking into before I disappeared." He leaned his cheek against the top of my head, he sounded clearly happy to be useful again.
"You know, once you have control over your impulses fully, we can get you set up as a cop again." I said hoping he could find something positive about this change.
"I have to admit, with our abilities it would make my job a lot easier. It's a shame I can't go back to working here in Forks." He sighed and gave me a nod of acceptance before pulling away from me. "Alice, is this right? Can we be together?"
"One day at a time Charlie." As I spoke, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone as a call came through. I looked at it stunned, it was an action so familiar and welcome that I started to laugh uncontrollably. Charlie took the phone from my hand and answered.
"Alice's phone." Charlie answered simply.
"Charlie, is Alice close?" Carlisle asked with a touch of urgency.
"Yes, she's right here… although she seems a little thrown by your call." I shook my head and reached out for my phone, he handed it over without question.
"No, I'm fine. I just started to answer your call before you called." I said in explanation, unable to repress the smile stretching across my face.
"Oh my, that is great news. Your visions are coming back." Carlisle sounded thrilled, but I immediately felt horrible that things were returning to normal after failing Angela.
"What's going on, is Angela okay?" I suddenly worried I missed something again.
"She's stable. No changes. I was just contacted by Sam Uley, he's the alpha of the Quileute wolf pack down in La Push. He has agreed to the Parlay and wants to meet tonight. We need all hands-on deck, including you Charlie. They want a true count of our numbers." He sounded worried, and I couldn't blame him. Nothing about the situation felt right.
"Where and when?" I said looking at Charlie who just nodded in agreement.
"An hour at the edge of our territory where the Calawah and Bogachiel rivers meet." Carlisle didn't sound thrilled at the choice of meeting places.
"I don't like it, could be an ambush." Charlie said shaking his head.
"We don't have a tremendous amount of choice here. We have to go, or they will just declare war." Carlisle's voice had urgency and a touch of fear, but there was something else. I had seen it in his face when he left the hospital. Losing Angela's family cut him deeply, more than usual when he lost a patient.
"Who is staying to watch Angela?" I asked, wondering if it was wise to leave her alone for any length of time.
"Esme, although Bella is pretty grumpy about leaving Angela's side. I already explained that we were caring for Angela. Which I can only imagine how they are going to interpret." Carlisle sighed, I could tell he was frustrated and had no idea what was going to happen.
"Well, I'll see you there. Wish the boys were with us." I added, feeling like we were at a major disadvantage, especially without Edward listening into their thoughts.
"Me too." Carlisle agreed taking an exaggerated breath, and then ended the call. I looked up at Charlie who shrugged at me, and then I leaned up and kissed him again. We stole precious seconds, before setting off for the meeting place, in my haste to get away from the hospital I had gone quite a bit in the other direction and it took us nearly the full hour to find the rest of the family. Carlisle, Bella and Rosalie were all standing together looking anxious. Charlie took a place between me and Bella, and I kept Rose at my side.
Almost exactly to the minute a chorus of howls pierced the night, and the wolves started exiting the tree line on the other side of the river. A large man with short black hair wearing only a pair of black shorts and boots with laces barely tied up was among the pack. He had an air of power and leadership in his posture and in the way the rest of the wolves seemed to defer to his movements. Two narrow rock outcroppings jutted out over the water leaving a gap of only ten feet, he walked to the edge of his side and held up a hand stopping the barks and yowls from the half dozen giant wolves behind him.
"Carlisle Cullen?" He said in a neutral voice. Carlisle nodded and moved to the opposite rock.
"Sam Uley?" Carlisle said with a small nod of his head.
"It has been many years since you forged a treaty with my people. The stipulations were clear that none of your family can hunt or feed while in proximity to our territory. Since you have arrived, two have joined your ranks and a third we understand is in your care. We have been tolerant because we hold no ill will towards your newest members, but you must explain or we will have no choice but to tear the treaty up and demand that you leave our lands immediately." Sam spoke passionately, and with gravitas. It was obvious why he was the alpha of their pack.
"I can understand how this would appear from the outside." Motioning towards Bella and Charlie, "But we have brought them here to testify freely. To tell their story if you are willing to hear it."
"And the one in your house whose family are waiting to be put in the ground." Sam said with a small sneer.
"She is in a coma, fighting for her life. She has expressed a desire to join us, and if her condition warrants it, we will accommodate her request." Carlisle's explanation, while true left out something that I would imagine could be a sticking point for the wolves.
"She's my best friend, and I will not let her die." Bella said speaking up, causing the wolves on the other side of the river to start howling again.
"Silence!" Sam shouted back at his pack, and they all shut up immediately.
"If she is in such a state, why not change her now?" Sam asked, and Carlisle managed to keep his expression neutral.
"She's pregnant." Carlisle admitted.
"You expect to keep her in your house in secret for months?" Sam asked incredulously.
"We will keep her alive, and after she has given birth, we will turn her." I could see Carlisle trying to dance around the subject, the fear starting to show in his eyes.
"And your family of vampires are going to raise a child, wouldn't she just suck it down like a juice box? Aren't newborns supposed to be rabid?" Sam's nostrils flared, his anger rising.
"Not all, Bella here has already adjusted and has vowed to adopt our lifestyle. Her father shares a similar talent, although different. He is new to this life but has expressed a desire to abstain from ever hurting anyone. True to his life as an officer of the law." I wasn't sure how long this exchange was going to keep going. I tried to touch the future, and I felt a vision dancing at the edges of my sight, but it wouldn't come no matter how hard I tried to conjure it.
"Bella, Charlie is that true?" Sam looked at them directly as he spoke, and Bella nodded quickly and emphatically. Charlie stepped forward.
"Sam, I know you through reputation. I have been friends with the Quileute for most of my life, and I hope that my ties with the Black and Clearwater family will continue despite my situation. Billy and Harry are dear friends and know I would never hurt your people." Charlie's emotions were on full display, but I could see a twinge of his newborn fury just behind his careful posture and expression. Sam nodded at him in acknowledgement.
"I am inclined to trust your word Charlie Swan, as well as you Carlisle Cullen. However, we cannot live with the threat of your presence any longer. We demand that you leave Forks and never return. We give you until the birth of the Weber girl's child. Until then we will be watching carefully." Sam waited patiently for Carlisle's response, yet he took longer than I expected.
"We have done nothing wrong, except to live our lives. You have threatened my wife, my daughters and now are demanding we leave a home that means a lot to us, forever." Carlisle shook his head a few times. "Angela may never recover; I may not be able to save her or her children. My family will be in mourning forever because I couldn't save her family. I cannot accept your request. I will honor the treaty as it has stood for a century, nothing less."
"You leave me no choice." Sam said looking down at the river below him. The rapid waters spraying nearly to the top of the rocky outcroppings.
"Don't do this Sam, please leave in peace. I beg you." Carlisle sounded desperate and looking at the family we could all feel it.
"Peace is over. Carlisle Cullen, I have found you and your family are in breach of the treaty. We will not openly attack you, for one month. At that time if you have not left this place, we will be at war. Charlie and Bella Swan, you are still welcome on our lands provided you can prove that you are no threat to our people" He raised a hand then, in signal to his pack.
"I hope when the time comes, you will see reason." Carlisle said as the wolves disappeared into the forest.
"I hope when the time comes you will leave and never come back." Sam said with a touch of sadness, then nodded and turned towards the forest. He took five steps and then erupted into a large black wolf and joined the rest of his pack.
"Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!" I said to no one in particular.
"That about sums it up." Rosalie said with a deep sigh.
"What're we going to do Carlisle?" Bella asked, worry now permanently creasing her face.
"We have no choice, we're out numbered. We make sure Angela pulls through, then we leave. Maybe in a hundred years when we come back the next pack will be more reasonable." Carlisle shook his head in frustration and took off towards the house. We all looked at each other for a few seconds trying to figure out if there was an answer we couldn't see, before we all turned and followed him.
Author's Note: I don't usually go this hard with language, but it felt appropriate. If the story didn't take place in 2006 I would use Fork because A Good Place would be right up her alley.
I honestly wasn't sure if Charlie and Alice would work, but I personally feel they fit well together.
So... little backstory here. I started to finish out the Mason chapter, which I had intended to post as chapter 38. Except it has a bit of a time jump so it would've required the story to go back in time to pick up events taking place directly after 37. Then I started the next chapter featuring Carlisle's first (and only) POV. I got most of the way through that one before I realized I wanted to explore some stuff with Alice which takes place before that chapter chronologically as well. So here I was on Monday after posting Death Rattles, with two nearly completed chapters and blank page in front of me. I think this turned out well.
Please leave your thoughts on this chapter, this is totally new which will be the case for pretty much all the upcoming content past chapter 44. I will continue to keep my profile updated with chapter titles and release dates for all my current stories.
Thank you for reading!