I feel like I need to apologise for the delay with this chapter - basically my anxiety has been really bad this last week which resulted in me being bed-bound and constantly falling asleep. Because of that this chapter is more of a filler and not as detailed than the others; I needed to get something updated and I would have felt awful had I delayed it any longer. I hope that you still enjoy it, and thank you again for all of your wonderful reviews for the last chapter.
Hereafter
Chapter Twenty-One
November 23rd, 2018.
Edward
My mind was a messed-up place.
Everything was going so well, and Bella had surprised the hell out of me. Not one single panic attack occurred yesterday, and she even took part in all the festive activities. She isn't the reason why my mind is messed-up today. I mean… technically she is, but it isn't her fault. Bella and Charlie had planned to head back to Forks tomorrow morning, and I don't know what to do - if I stay here there is a high chance that Bella's health will deteriorate again, but if I leave and go with them, she'll get too used to me being there. The whole housing situation is also causing me issues. I've been living with my parents for the last three months whilst my house was under surveillance, and now that James is behind bars I am free to return. But do I want to? Do I really want to go back to the house, where James has been snooping around, perhaps even managed to get inside? My house is my safe place, however I wasn't sure how safe I would feel there any more. I can't stay here forever, so I suppose it was time to find a new safe place.
"Yo, little brother." My head snapped up, shaking it to try and relieve myself of the constant questions. Emmett and Jasper were both looking straight at me. "We're placing bets to see how much the girls spend today. My guess is anywhere from three-fifty to four hundred." Emmett sighed at the idea of Rosalie spending all that money.
"Yeah, well you all know what your sister is like when it comes to a sale. I'll be bankrupt by the end of the day." Jasper tilted his head towards the ceiling, as if to send off a silent prayer to the big man in the sky.
Our laughter filled the otherwise quiet room. It was a nice change. "I suppose I'm lucky that my money is my money?"
"I swear down, if Rose comes home with one more thing for the baby I am taking it straight back to the store." Emmett closed his eyes for a second, to help calm his frustration. "I love my daughter and I will give her the world, but you know she has enough clothes to do her until she is five years old? Five years old!"
"That is exactly why I am waiting a little bit longer before we have a kid."
"Jazz, you do realize that Alice is just as bad with her niece, right? Majority of the baby clothes found around my house were bought by Alice - she has matching shoes and fucking hairbands to go with them."
Jasper let out a grown - he thought he was safe. "So that is where all my money is going!"
From beside me, a tiny little giggle hit my ears. Bella had been using my shoulder to sleep on, but clearly our high volume had caused her to wake up. I always loved it when she laughed - it gave me hope that perhaps not everything inside her head was hurting her.
"Would you have joined Alice and Rose Black Friday shopping if you could?"
Bella shook her lightly and smiled. "I… don't like… shopping." Her words were only loud enough for me to hear.
"Ha!" I laughed at my brothers. "Bella doesn't like shopping."
"Maybe you could teach my wife a thing or two…" Jasper grumbled.
"That is because you are a smart thing, Little One, and you know how to save your money."
Our conversation died down after that, and we paid more attention to the show that was on TV, until Esme walked into the room with a tray in her hands. She brought the tray over towards Bella and sat the legs delicately either side of her lap. She had a wide range of left overs from mashed potatoes, turkey, to macaroni and cheese. The steam bellowed from the plate. "You might need to leave it to cool slightly, dear."
I took the glass of water off the tray and moved it to the side table, just to keep it from falling.
"Mom, I'm also hungry… can I take a plate just like that?" Emmett gave our mother his perfected puppy eyes.
"Once the girls return from their shopping trip we'll all be having lunch. You can wait until then."
Emmett made a noise that sounded like a petulant child, until our mother was out of earshot. "If you can't eat all that, Bella, I know a person who can help you…" He thumbed towards himself, grinning.
I knew perfectly well that Bella would give him the rest of the plate if she couldn't finish it, however from the mouthfuls that she was taking I had a feeling that Emmett would not be as lucky as he hoped. It was only ten o'clock, but this was already Bella's second meal of the day - we were trying to get her into the habit of eating four large meals a day all meeting the dietary requirement. Thankfully she was nearly always hungry, so we hadn't had any issues so far.
0-0
It was eleven-thirty by the time that Alice and Rose finally came home from their Black Friday shopping, Emmett had been complaining for the last hour about the amount of time that they had been out for - especially seeing as Rose was eight months pregnant, and a busy shopping mall is perhaps not the best place for her to be right now.
"Close your eyes, Bella!" Alice called from outside the living room.
I knew without her telling me that closing her eyes was something that Bella did not want to do - the fear of the unknown can become very real and scary. I told Alice to put whatever it was behind her back instead, and the squeeze of my hand was Bella's silent way of thanking me. Her hand did not leave mine until the moment that Alice handed over a large black plastic bag. I had no way of knowing what Alice had bought, but knowing my sister, it was going to be something clothes related and extremely thoughtful.
"I didn't know exact sizes so I had to guess, but I hope you like it."
Slowly, slowly, Bella reached into the bag and pulled out the first item. It was a white rectangular shoe box and once the lid had been lifted and the tissue paper pulled away, a pair of fluffy slippers were seen. They were a very light pink in color and reminded me of some of the socks that Bella likes to wear.
"Th-thank… you." I took the bag off of Bella's lap in order for her to look at the slippers properly. On closer inspection they were found to be slipper boots with a thick plastic grip at the bottom so that she could wear them to the car, or around the house with more stability. Bella only wears sneakers when she leaves the house, which is a very rare occasion, but I know that she misses the comfort of her fluffy socks when she has to put them on, and so with these boots she could keep them on at all times.
Alice crouched down beside Bella and took the bag that I was holding. "Now, these next items are in a size 0, so you can let me know if they are too big or too small, okay?" I won't lie, the idea of a size 0 scared the hell out of me but hopefully with her new diet she won't need to be that size for long.
From the black bag, Alice brought out a separate, smaller bag with the word 'Lululemon' printed across the front. I had never heard of this store before, but from the gasp that slipped from Bella's mouth, she had seen it. "…Too… much." She whispered. I'm assuming it's an expensive brand?
"Don't be silly; it's not too much! If it makes you feel better these were on sale!"
"You will love these, Bella!" Rosalie broke into the conversation. "I used to live in these yoga pants - back when I could fit them - and they are the comfiest things I have ever worn."
The yoga pants in question were a deep maroon in color. They just seemed like your bog-standard yoga pants to me, but what do I know? To match the pants, Alice had also purchased a plain black, zip-up hoodie which had thumb holes on the wrists which I knew Bella would have her thumbs through the second she had the clothing on.
"Thank you… Alice." She scooted her butt towards the end of the couch and squeezed my hand tightly, which told me that she wanted to stand. I helped her up onto her feet, and within seconds she was throwing her arms around my sister in a hug. I don't think there was a single dry eye in the room. Not only had Alice and Rose bought such a thoughtful gift, but Bella had shown everyone just how brave she could be by hugging someone who is still practically a stranger to her. I don't think Bella had even realized what she had done, but when she saw that nothing bad was going to happen, she tightened the hug as much as she could.
0-0
For once we were having a truly relaxing day. Last year both Dad and Emmett had to work shortly after the Thanksgiving meal had been eaten, but this year none of us had to work and we could spend the day at home, eating leftovers, and watching crappy movies on TV. Bella napped, Rosalie napped and I even spotted Charlie's eyes close once or twice. For the first time in a long time, we could finally enjoy some peace and quiet without the constant pressure coming from the outside world.
Like always, I sat on one side of the couch, Charlie sat on the other, and Bella was snuggled in, in the middle. Both dogs lay at our feet. I could tell that Bella wanted to join in with the discussions or at least stay awake for them all, but her body was telling her otherwise. Every so often I would feel a nudge as she fell asleep beside me, or the slight dip in the couch as she adjusted the way she sat.
"I get to pick the next movie!" Alice cheered as she skipped towards Emmett to steal the television remote from him.
"It better not be a chick flick." He moaned before handing the object over.
"It's not a chick flick… but I want to revisit my childhood, and if you and Edward were good big brothers then you'll know which movie that is."
Well if that's not a million dollar question…
Emmett and I were clearly thinking the same thing. "How the hell am I meant to remember something that you watched twenty-odd years ago?"
"Because I watched it every day. Right Mom?"
Esme laughed along with her daughter's enthusiasm. "You refused to go to sleep until you had watched that final scene."
Oh, now I remember.
"Are you talking about Free Willy?" I asked with a grin.
"The one and only!"
Rosalie clapped in excitement, whilst Emmett sunk further down into his seat. Despite how much he did not want to watch that movie, Alice had control and it wasn't long before the memorable music began to play as the opening scene lit up the screen. I wouldn't say that this film was in my Top 5, however it did bring back good memories of us all watching it together. When Jesse and Willy first met at the aquarium, I just so happened to catch Bella's face in the corner of my eye; she had the biggest smile - bigger than I have ever seen - painted across her face.
I could now add Free Willy and Fly Away Home to her list of top favorites. Bella obviously preferred the movies from her childhood, just like Alice.
"You can watch this everyday if it'll make you happy." I spoke to Bella quietly with a smile. If an orca whale made her happy and put a smile on her face, I would even buy her the collector's edition and allow her to watch it twenty-four hours a day. Whatever it took.
"Edward…" Bella pulled down on the sleeve of my shirt. She had her phone in her hand and the note's app open. With two thumbs she began to type: This is you. She then continued to point at the television where the boy was seen playing his harmonica.
Me? I typed my reply. I'm Jesse?
I was taken from my family without my consent, and made to live a life that I did not ask for. Then you saved me - you freed me, back to my family and to where I belong.
I couldn't stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks, and with a smirk I wiped one away and said: "I'm certain it is your mission to constantly make me cry, and so far you are doing a wonderful job at it."
Bella stroked my cheek with one hand, a frown etched between her brows. "You're… sad."
"I'm not sad, Sweetheart. Your words hit me hard, but they never make me sad."
"Hey Bella," Rose must have caught onto our conversation. "How about we go whale watching one day in the Puget Sound? Orcas are known to be found there."
"I...can?"
"Of course you can. If they want to come out to play, it is one of the most beautiful things you will ever witness. I had to do it for work once, and I would be more than happy to share that experience with you."
As the movie played on, and we all watched the final scene when Willy jumped over the rocky boundary which separated him from the ocean, nobody said a word. It was either because people had fallen asleep, or because this classic had drawn them in. Alice was on the edge of seat, bouncing with excitement as the water droplets rained down onto Jesse. "I've got the chills!" She squealed.
The atmosphere in the room was inviting, and it almost felt like nothing could dampen it… that was, until Carlisle chose to end the movie marathons and catch up with the evening news.
The second that the channel was switched over, the mood changed dramatically.
Bella's face was plastered all across the screen.
I knew it was too good to be true.
Bella couldn't hide away from the public eye for too long.
The headline simply said: ISABELLA SWAN FOUND ALIVE.
"Carlisle, we don't need to watch this." Esme said. The TV was paused and stuck on a photo of Bella taken well before this all happened. The difference between her then and now was frightening. Her hair was long, shiny and healthy and her eyes held a sparkle that I was still to witness. She had color in her cheeks and a confident smile on her face. I wondered, at that moment, whether I would see that Bella again.
"C'mon, kiddo; I'll take you somewhere else." Charlie added.
"…No." Bella's voice was firm and louder than normal. "I… need… this."
"You don't need this. You don't need to relive this." Charlie was adamant to get her to leave the room, but Bella was just as determined to stay.
"Please… play."
Reluctantly, Carlisle hit play and the press conference continued.
"For almost one-hundred days, law enforcement has been working tirelessly to bring Isabella Swan home, and three months ago, we did just that. It is known that on August twenty-second the twenty-four year old missing girl was found - alive and well. For the last three months Isabella has been in the comforting embrace of the law enforcement and her family, and today, as I speak to you now, her kidnapper has finally been arrested and is awaiting trial."
"Fuck yeah he is!" Emmett cheered and sent a fist into the air.
"I still wish I had shot him in the head." Charlie muttered under his breath.
"For one-hundred days you, the public, never gave up hope and helped us search for Isabella, and for that we would like to thank you all for your time and effort. Isabella is safe, and her family ask that you please respect their privacy in this extremely emotional time."
The reporter then introduced Sheriff Mark McKinty, who I recognized as Emmett's superior. He thanked the reporter and then continued to explain Bella's story.
"On August twenty-second, at around ten-thirty that evening, we received a call from an individual claiming that they had found Isabella Swan in their front yard. Isabella was taken to a local hospital where she was looked over and examined, and has been given the best care since that day. My deputies responded in mass immediately, and worked tirelessly. After constant surveillance, using detailed descriptions that Isabella courageously gave of the suspect and with the help of Forks Police, we have finally made an arrest and he is currently being held in the Multnomah County Jail as he awaits trial. His name is James Parker - he is thirty-five years old from Chester, Montana. He is currently being held on one count of first degree intentional homicide for the murder of a young woman, and two counts of kidnapping in the first degree."
Bella's picture was quickly changed to James' mugshot. I found it incredibly hard to look, however Bella couldn't take her eyes off the screen. It was almost like she was staring down at him one last time; telling him that she won and that he was getting what he deserved. He will always have some sort of control over her, but I hope, by watching this, that she will soon realize that he is caught and she is safe. He won't be able to touch her ever again.
0-0
That evening, once everybody had left and Bella had been taken to bed, Carlisle found me in the living room with a mug of decaf coffee held delicately in my hands. I had used this alone time to try and make sense of everything running around my head, but my father must have caught onto my odd behaviour and offered his help where he could. He asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about, and for a few minutes I didn't say a word and sat in complete silence.
"I don't know." I muttered after a while. I wasn't sure how to word my troubles or even begin the conversation. "I'm so confused."
"Confused about what? I know that something is bothering you, and has been bothering you for the last day or two." I never could keep anything from Carlisle; to him I was like an open book.
"I can't seem to work out what is going on inside my head. Technically, because James has now been caught, I'm free to go home again, right?"
With his fingers Carlisle combed back his hair. "Your house is your own again, but that is not what's troubling you, is it?"
See? An open book.
Nora sensed my aggravation and placed her head upon my lap like she often does with Bella. It instantly calmed me down. "My house is my safe spot, but I don't think I'll feel safe there again. However my main issue is to do with Bella - whatever I decide, whether to stay here or to travel back to Forks with them, there is a high chance that her mental health will plummet regardless. I cannot live on Charlie's couch forever, and I'll need to leave at some point."
"I can see where you are coming from, but I also think that your answer is hiding in plain sight."
"What do you mean?" I asked with a shrug of my shoulders.
"You haven't had any issues working whilst staying in Forks, correct?"
"Yes…?"
"And you mention not feeling safe in your own house again?"
I sighed as my body fell back into the seat. One hand rubbed away at my tired eyes whereas the other continued to scratch Nora's ears. I knew what Dad was trying to say. "I've never lived anywhere else apart from Oregon."
"What is your number one priority right now?"
I answered without even hesitating for a single second. "Bella."
Carlisle nodded and gave me a sad smile. "She is a very intelligent young lady, however her mind is somewhat like a child's right now - Bella will see one thing and won't understand that it isn't permanent. If she sees you in her house everyday she will expect you to be there everyday. When it comes time for you to go home again, she won't allow herself to understand why you need to go and why you cannot stay there."
"I think, deep down, she understands."
"This is the first time I have properly met Bella, however from seeing how she acts and the language that she uses, I can tell she is incredibly smart. Unfortunately the PTSD has had some serious cognitive effects and her brain no longer works the same way as it did before - what is easy for us to understand, is no longer easy for her." Carlisle paused for a second to think over his words. "Take you for example - back when you were in high school and your class schedule changed all of a sudden. How did that make you feel?"
I could remember that day like it was yesterday. I believe I phoned my parents when the new schedule was announced and they had to calm me down from having a panic attack. Change is a big thing for someone with anxiety. "I felt like I was out of control and nothing made sense."
"Right, but you understood why the change had to happen?"
"Yeah - it just took me longer to adjust to it."
"Exactly; you understood why, however your first thought is to panic and fight off all of those negative thoughts. Bella doesn't have that ability at the moment - perhaps in time she will, but right now, if something changes, she cannot fathom out the reason behind it. If you leave with them tomorrow, but then come home again in a week's time, Bella will ask where you are going, if you are coming back, and she won't believe you until you return again."
Now I'm just getting confused.
I couldn't work out what he was trying to say or what point he was trying to make. "So… I either stay there or I don't stay there?" I hazarded a guess.
"Exactly. You are only going to confuse her if you leave, and then return, and then leave again."
"Okay, so what are you trying to say? I'm confused."
My father laughed lightly and tapped my knee with one hand. "What I am trying to say, Edward, is that I think it would be best for everybody involved if you find your new safe spot in Forks. Soon Bella will realize that some days you will be there, some days you won't; but you will only be a matter of minutes away if she needs you."
"I don't know Forks, or even Washington. Everything I know is here." My mind was running a mile a minute with no sign of slowing down.
"You will soon learn your way about, and you'll quickly find that you are panicking less because Bella won't be a four hour drive away."
"Do you think I can do it?" I asked, mainly because I needed his vote of confidence.
"Of course you can! Your mother and I will help you, but you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
I couldn't give a solid answer just yet, but the fact that I needed to move house regardless, and my work wouldn't be effected, helped me make up my mind.
I was interested to see what Bella would say.
Surely she would want me to live closer, right?
I suppose I'd find out in the morning.
0-0
I have watched Free Willy 1, 2 and 3 about five times this last week whilst cuddled up in bed. It is my guilty pleasure when I feel like crap, so it made sense to include it into this chapter.
To help clear up any confusion with the news report - James kidnapped Victoria ten years before Bella. At the time she was fifteen and he was twenty-four. Because he then killed Victoria, that is why he is being held on one count of murder but two counts of kidnapping - plus other things, but that will be mentioned at the trial.
So again I apologise that this chapter didn't hold as much as others, but I hope you can understand and that you still enjoyed it. What do you think of Carlisle's idea? Should Edward go along with it? Let me know!