If the symptoms started after the child or youth experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, and if the symptoms don't go away, they might have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The symptoms can start right after the trauma or months or even years after.
There are four different types of post-traumatic stress reactions. To be diagnosed with PTSD, the child or youth should have at least one symptom from each of these four types.
1. The child or youth may re-live the trauma in their minds. They may:
have upsetting and disturbing memories, 'pictures' and thoughts stuck in their minds about what happened
act out parts of the event during play
have frightening dreams
act out the traumatic event or feel like it's happening right now
be very upset or have physical reactions when seeing or hearing reminders of the trauma (a siren, photo of a family member, door slamming, bedroom)
2. The child or youth may avoid things that remind them of the trauma. They may:
stay away from things associated with the trauma (clothing, dogs, if trauma was a dog attack)
avoid thoughts, feelings or conversation associated with the trauma
3. The child or youth may experience changes in thoughts and feelings as a result of the trauma. They may:
forget parts of the trauma or be confused about when things happened
think more negatively about themselves, others and the world
blame themselves or others for the event
feel negative emotions (anger, fear, horror, etc.) that wont' go away
lose interest in things they used to enjoy (quit sports team or dance class, no longer want to swim or play with friends)
show little emotion after a trauma or not want to be around people
not be able to feel positive emotions (pleasure, satisfaction, etc.)
4. The child or youth may seem extremely alert and "on guard". They may:
have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
have a hard time concentrating or completing tasks
often be on "guard" or look for signs of danger
feel jittery or nervous, or easily startled; jump at sounds or possible threats (telephone ringing, a dog barking)
do things that are reckless and dangerous
become angry easily
Teenagers young adults
afraid to be separated from caregivers (clingy, resists being alone, tries to be near)
loss of trust (mistrusts caregiver)
negative view of the world (thinks world is dangerous)
very irritable, angry outbursts
impulsive behavior (substance use, self-harm)
defiant, aggressive
risky behavior including intentional self-injury, alcohol and drug use and unprotected sexual behavior
mood changes, seem unhappy or depressed
loss of appetite
loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
body complaints (stomach aches, headaches, aches and pains)
repeated thoughts of death, dying, killing themselves
Leo set the book down, unable to handle what he was reading. The possibility of Donnie going through this…that his kind and gentle brother could…that he may…his hands trembled. There was so much to unload just by that he couldn't even begin to unpack all of that.
Would Donnie ever distrust them? Even after everything, he never gave a moment where they felt he distrusted them. To know that this was possible to happen for years to come, that he may act out in ways they were going to have to watch closely. What kind of hell would his brother be in for the rest of his life. Yet, would Donnie go as far as to try and hurt himself or resort to destructive behavior?
He swallowed hard as he looked up. Seeing Raph and Slash talking. They seemed to be on good terms, even though he did what he did it would seem Raph was quick to forgive. Though, he looked to Donnie, watching him eat the soup and look to them. A gentle smile on his face. Perhaps it was his plan to do this, maybe it was their way to make things easier on Donnie. He wasn't sure but he couldn't be concerned with them, not when they had to care for Donnie.
Leo is the eldest. Leo is the most skilled. Leo is the leader. Leo is the heir.
He stood up, taking the book before moving to Raph and Slash. "Get Mikey. We have a lot to talk about." His eyes shown a dark gray, a look that meant he was giving an order. "We can scout the area you spoke of together." It would give them a good reason to talk. For them to perhaps help come to a resolution on how to stop the marriage their father was so hell bent on having. He was sure that their father was going to want him to propose to their genius brother. He lowered his head and turned from his other brother. The last thing he wanted was to trap his brother.
Raph was taken back by Leo. "Fearless…" he moved toward him but Leo walked off toward his room. "Five minutes. I want Mikey ready." He heard more orders and it pissed him off. "Then who the hell will watch Donnie?"
Leo glared back. "April and Casey are here. I'm sure they can handle that." He continued to his room. What was to come would be hard for him. Given how much he wanted to have Donnie as his own, to have his hand and be accepted by their father, to have children…It was all he ever wanted and more. Yet, he didn't want it this way.
He always imagined himself winning Donnie's favor, more so when Raph and Mikey showed their interest. He wanted those eyes to look at him the way they looked at April. The human girl was so foolish, not to see what she had. He had him. Her eyes turned from those who saw her as everything. He wanted that kind voice to speak only his name. He wanted those gentle hands to hold only him. He wanted that smile…that dorkily cute gap tooth smile to be his and his alone.
He balled his fists. Though it wasn't going to work. He couldn't have him for his own. Not when he was already carrying the child of a rapest. That child…it would only serve to be a contestant reminder, of what had happened. The child could be his greatest trigger.
If that were the case then it would not be best for Donnie to be around the child for fear of hurting himself and/or the child. Yet, who would be the one to take the hatchling from him if it proves to be too much? They couldn't leave Slash alone with their niece or nephew, even if he was the biological father. Raph he didn't see handing a baby very well. Mikey was a bit too immature. Their father was to old and Leatherhead…he might eat it. The only real way was for him to care for the child if it grew to be too much for his brother. Only again confirming that he was the best choice for the other.
He wanted Donnie. Not because Donnie was told to, but because he wanted to be with him. He knew their father had not made the decision lightly but…still was this the only way to bring balance to their family? To ensure that Donnie and the child were well taken care of? Would Donnie accept their children? Or would he see him in the same light as Slash?
Leo balled his fist and slammed it against his wall. No…Not like this. He would work hard and woo his brother before he proposed. He would treat him far better than any had been treated before and he would love him, cherish him and the child he carried no matter what. Donnie would not do things so foolish as what the pages in the book said. He wasn't like that. Donnie was smarter than that, smarter than most.
Mikey whined as he was dragged out of the room. Pissed that he wasn't able to talk more with Donnie like he had been promised. Yet it was Donnie who made the promise and Leo who pulled him away. Stupid Leo and his fucking fearless leader bullshit. Maybe he'll find some dog shit in the streets, cut a hole in his mattress and sew it up. His fucking room would smell for weeks. That made him smile despite standing so close to Slash. He hated him most. After nearly trying to kill him, again and even raping Donnie infront of him. He had a lot of fucking choice words for him, but Donnie made him promise to be good. That Spike, why the hell was he even calling that bastard that, had no control over himself. That things were not as they seemed and nothing was clear cut. Like fuck it wasn't. Bastard tried to kill him and Donnie spread his legs to stop him. Pretty fucking clear cut to him. But of course Mikey did as Mikey does, smile and agree with Donnie because, as much as he hated it, Donnie was right almost all the time.
He could only wonder what stick crawled up Leo's pompous ass this time to change plans he had approved by Splinter. Something to do with Donnie no doubt and he was sure they would find out about it. Leo and Splinter always spoke on things well before they happened. Hence why he was dubbed Splinter Jr by Raph. Hell half the time they don't even include Donnie in their meetings and he is the second in command. If something ever happened to Leo, would Donnie become the heir? Or would that fall to Raph because he was the eldest and biologically male? Yet, Donnie is still his second…right? Wouldn't it go to him? He scratched his head, the family dynamics were so fucked as of late.
"What's going on?" April asked as she noticed them standing at the bottom of the stairs. It seemed they were waiting on Leo to come down and was surprised that Slash was there as well.
"Don't know. Fearless wanted us down here waiting for his royal ass. He wants ta talk about some shit er another. Ya know, flex'en his do as I fucking say nonsense." Raph crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Apparently it's mandatory fer us four, no doubt concern'en Donnie boy."
"O…kay." She looked them over. This was her chance to talk to him. With his brother's gone she can have a bit of alone time with Donnie. "Well have fun." She moved toward Casey who was laying on the couch. He was tired because he hadn't slept well last night all things considered. "Just rest, they will be leaving soon."
"What about Donnie?" he asked, yawning as he looked up at her from half lidded eyes. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" he wasn't convinced it was. Raph had told him after they left Donnie went downhill again, this time worse than that morning.
She stroked his hair and nodded. "It will be fine. I don't know what you're so worried about." She was sure some part of him felt he may yet lose her to the turtle. There were times he wasn't entirely sure himself if she loved him or not. April was hard to read, yet it didn't seem that way to Donnie.
Casey was too tired to argue. He had to trust her and Donnie. "I love you." He muttered softly before he let himself fall asleep on the sofa. It smelled like ass but he didn't care. He was too fucking tired to deal with something like moving.
Leo was at the bottom of the stairs. Ensuring they all grabbed their weapons and were ready just in case. Shredder was on the move, the Kraang were active and if he remembered Purple Dragons were doing their initiations this month as well. They couldn't be too careful. Not when they only just got their brother back. "Slash will lead, Raph cover rear and Mikey watch our left flank, I will cover right." He set the formation that he felt would be strong against enemies. There was so much uncertainty in their lives, it wouldn't do if another one of them went missing or worse.
He turned to April handing her the T-phone. "I know yours is broken and I don't want to bother Donatello to fix it. Use Mikey's for now."
Said orange banded turtle looked on his belt for the T-phone and frowned when it was missing. "HEY!" he crossed his arms and Leo smirked. "Baby of the family I get it!" he snapped. "Hate being the baby." No he didn't, not always. Donnie treated him better than the other two. Let him play with all their cool gadgets first…well the nonlethal ones.
"Okay, thanks. Take care you guys and send me lots of pictures. I'll keep an eye on Donnie." She watched them leave, waving good bye to them before turning to the lab. She was don't waiting. She wanted to talk to him now.
~LRDM~
Raph was of course the first to speak up. "So fearless, why ya bullshitten every one? Why are ya really drag'en our asses across da sewers for? And I know it's about Donnie boy!" he wanted answers and he wanted them now.
They continued to run through the sewers. Leo lost in thought and not really wanting to respond to them after that. He wanted to wait for them to reach this new location. The sewers were running quickly, noting that it must be raining now. Donatello loved to sit and watch the rain fall…often talking one of his brothers to going with him to collect a few samples for study. He would sit there watching the lighting flash and ramble on about the reason for this or that. Always with a pleasant smile on his face. He wondered if he would be able to do so again.
When the fearless leader didn't answer, Raph jumped in front of him and skid to a stop. "Don't fuck'en ignore me Leo! I wanna know right now what the hell this is all about!" He gave a deep glare. His emerald eyes warning him that he was not in the mood to be fucked with right now.
The leader in blue sighed heavily, keeping his eyes on formation. "We have a huge problem. I wanted to wait until we got to this secret place but sure why the heck not?" he stopped and looked at them. "Things are already decided by Master Splinter. He feels this is the only way to make things right and to ensure both the safety of Donatello and his child." He leaned against the wall of the sewer. They had made it pretty far from the lair, enough so even Donnie's cameras couldn't see or hear them.
"What's going on Leo?" Mikey was concerned. Had Splinter caught wind of what they were planning before they were able to make their case? Or did Leo blab his mouth to their father on why they shouldn't. Oh he hoped Leo wasn't about to tell them that bullshit. He wasn't about to accept that Leo telling them that HIS idea was not worth pursuing. He had put a lot of thought into it and he wanted to take the pressure off of Donnie for having to choose.
Slash was silent. Having decided to back off given their current situation he wanted to let them figure things out and he would ensure that he played into everything. After all it is his child that Donatello was carrying. He would be damned if they take him away from it. If they tried he would not hesitate to take Donatello and THEIR child far from New York, away from the brothers that dared to separate them. He was willing to give Donatello freedom to chose whom he mates, given their type of species, but it still didn't change the fact that he wanted to be a part of their lives.
"Master Splinter and I had a long talk. He reprimanded me for telling Donnie the truth. I will tell you know I do not regret it. Donnie had every right to know the truth and sadly he was unaware of his biology." He looked to Slash out of the corner of his eyes. He hated him still for what he did, but he would not voice such now. "Due to Don's beliefs it is without question that he intends to keep the child. He told me himself that the baby is innocent in all of this, though I did advise other options were available."
"Ya fucken told 'im ta have an abortion!? Let me guess if it aint yer's yous don't want it in da family?" he slammed his fist into the wall near Leo's head. The elder did not flinch. "What the fuck Leo?" Raph would never allow it. Over his dead body would he let his fucking brother lay a finger on that baby. Even if it wasn't his, it was still apart of Donnie. It was his kid, not Leo's. Donnie would never agree to it. No all he had to do was convince him to think of it like an experiment or some shit.
Slash growled deeply. Pissed and protective of not only his mate but the clutch of eggs he was carrying. "How dare you suggest that he rid himself of what WE created!" He pushed the leader against the wall, fully intent on ripping his head from his shoulders. "Does it disturb you so much that he is carrying MY clutch and not your own? Are you so high and mighty OH fearless leader, that you would dare to rid MY mate of MY young in hopes you can replace them with your own?"
Leo groaned under the weight of the hand. "I made it clear to him how I stand with this. I am looking out for his well being, physically and mentally. Donnie is still in a state of shock, he hasn't really said much about the baby. There is a whole list of other things to consider. He without a doubt has PTSD, we seen the symptoms for ourselves. We can only assume that things will get worse before they get better for him and as much as I hate to say it we may not be fully prepared to treat him. Our lack of knowledge on this is evident. Donnie of course had studied the matter before. I have copies of the files. A fail safe created by Don himself in case of such given our line of work." He thanked the gods for how prepared Donnie was for every situation.
"Leave it to Donnie to pull through." Mikey smiled brightly, though he wasn't at all pleased that Leo would even think about suggesting to their brother something like that. He wasn't going to voice his concern, not yet anyway.
Leo sighed and continued. "I spoke with Leatherhead. There is to be complications. Donnie physically looks male, his body does not seem capable carrying a child to term without the possibility of harm to himself and/or the child. This will cause strain on his body and given no one has ever dealt with a pregnancy of a mutant, there is a severe chance that the child maybe deformed, born with complications, or even still born." There was eerie silence. Clearly none of them had thought of such. "Further more, if let's just say, the child was born perfectly, we have to take Donnie's mental health into consideration. He may be trigged by the sight of the child, causing harm to himself and/or his child. We seen him throw himself off the bed and injure himself, who is to say what he would do." There were too many uncertainties. He looked at all of them. Slash slowly removed his hand. Leo could only imagine that hand pressing harshly down against a frightened and scared Donatello. Holding him down so he could…he shook the thought from his mind. Not now.
"It is why I had made the offer to him. I am sure Donatello had thought the same, knowing him. In the coming week I shall make my case to him again and we will know his answer. It is highly probable this pregnancy could result in his death." His voice cracked slightly on the word. He could see the looks on their faces. That each had not weighed this possibility, or that they had wanted to deny it all together. "Then there is the fact, Master Splinter had made the decision to arrange a marriage between him and one of us."
"What?" Mikey's small voice was all they heard. Donnie…Was their father seriously going to force him into an arranged marriage? He knew that stuff happened but that was in places far away. Not here, not in America right? People had freedom to choose and Donnie wasn't going to just sit there and let his life be dictated by their father…was he?
Slash growled softly. "And I am safe to assume he picked you." The large mutant glared down at him. "His favored son, the heir to his legacy." He moved toward Leo but the smaller turtle didn't back down. "Everything you ever wanted wrapped up in a pretty little bow by dear old daddy, right Leonardo?"
Silver eyes glared so sharply that if look could kill then surely Slash would have been. "I was not told who it was." He lied, mostly because he didn't want them to argue about it. Right now they needed to band together and not be divided. This was Donnie's life they were talking about. Not some pissing contest. "Say what you will but we have more pressing matters." He opened the bag on his side and pulled out a book. Not the bright flashy one that had the big letters PTSD, no this one had been a gift a few years back by…
"That's Donnie's!" Mikey recognized the cute little kitty eating a pizza. He had found it and ripped out the few used pages. It was his gift to his brother that Christmas. Paper was really hard to come by. "Why do you have it?"
Leo sighed softly and shook his head. "I got it when April gave me the PTSD book. I don't think she meant to and had been distracted by something else but regardless. She stole Donnie's diaries and I have no doubt she has read them." This was something truly vial in their eyes. Donnie was never one to confront his feelings and emotions in a healthy manner. Often times bottling them up or choking them back to give the illusion of happiness. He had gotten better at it over the years, but their father had started giving him books to write his thoughts down. It seemed to help him a lot but there was an unspoken rule that those books and thoughts were Donnie's and Donnie's alone. No one else had a right to them. Not them. Not Splinter. Not April.
"That Bitch!" Raph snarled. She was really starting to piss him off. Going as far as to invade Donnie's privet thoughts like that? She was a chick, weren't thing like that a god damn girl rule or something like that? Don't read my fucking Diary? "I'm really fuck'en start'en ta regret saving her." He was too, ever since Donnie stepped in and disobeyed Leo, it really started to snowball from there and not in a good fucking way either.
Mikey crossed his arms. "Knock it off Raph. What she did was rude yes, but I'm sure there is a reason. I don't remember any of us telling her about them. You cant just get mad at her. Maybe she happened across them in the lab. They aren't labeled. Maybe she thought they were his work notes." He wanted to think positive. Perhaps she didn't realize what they were.
Leo nodded. "Until we know for sure." He put it back. "Right now we have no evidence to conclude anything save that it was in her possession. It don't mean much." He had hoped what Mikey said was true. If Don knew she had them…he would be devastated. Yet he had no choice now but to confront her about it when he got back, while he also had to keep Raph from ripping her head off.
"Even so there are other matters. I do not like the idea of forcing Donatello into an arranged marriage. He is in no state to properly agree or disagree to much and such news may make him with draw further from the world, from us." He looked to each of them. "Donnie as we all know so well will not choose between us, even you." He eyes Slash. "So the only logic I can see and to keep this team together is to go with Mikey's plan." He head a Cawabunga, from said orange banded turtle before he continued. "I am not saying this is the coarse our future will take, we need to gain Donatello's acceptance, it is his life that will be changed the most."
Raph was elated that Leo had come around, though he was sure it was because the arranged marriage meant he had a chance to lose Donnie forever. No matter, he was just happy that he was willing to become part of this. "Leo…glad ta see you arent pull'en that holier than thou bullshit. Guess ya wanna get yer dick wet just as much as us."
"Do NOT speak about it that way." He shot a glare at him. "I don't want Donnie to feel forced into it. I want him to want it as much as we do and right now…I doubt he will want it. He is suffering in ways we cannot comprehend and I don't want to frighten him away from us. I agreed to this because I wanted us to become closer." He didn't want to lose them all because of this. "Now, let's see this new lair."
~LRDM~
He had been corned again in the small cell. Hands trembling as he tried to push the larger tortoise off of him. "Spike…Please…." His tears flowed so freely. A over sized hand grabbed his head so painfully as he forced him to turn and look at him. Tears streaming down his eyes as the large wet tongue lapped up the streaks of salty liquid. His breath caught in his throat as he tried again to weakly push him away.
Deep rumbling growl and his body was begging him to submit. To let nature take it's course but he wouldn't, couldn't because if he did then he knew what was going to come. Something deep within him told him to just let it happen, to give in and enjoy it but he pushed that side of him down as he brought his hand up, smacking the hand away from his face and giving him an opening to run.
His movements were slowed, even as he tried to move past him, he felt the black clawed hand grab hold of his leg and jerk back. Pulling him back and crashing up the stone floor with the back of his shell, knocking the wind from him. The other was on him a moment later, prying his leg apart despite his protests, his free hand wrapping around his thin neck, not cutting off his hair like before but to keep him still. The larger male nuzzeled his cheek with his own, cooing softly at the warm smooth skin. His body shuddered as his long thick tongue dragged alone his neck, erecting a gentle churr from his lips. This cause the black skinned male to stop. His large frame shuttering with delight at the sound he made. The first he had heard. He licked again but this time there was no sound. Looking up he saw his mate's hand on his own mouth, pressing them against his beck in an attempt to keep himself silent.
He did not approve. With his now free hand from his neck, he captured both wrists with ease, pulling them up and over his head. His mate thrashed about, kicking and crying out to be set free, but he was weak, bent to the will of the superior alpha male. Once again he licks the soft tender flesh of the neck and is rewarded with a soft churr. He could tell his mate was holding back. That he didn't want to show how much he enjoyed it. Another lick, another churr. Each making his body stir to life. He nipped and sucked at the nape of his neck, noting the fight in his mate was dying down. He looked at the marks. So red and angry against the light olive skin, but he wanted more. Far more and something more…prominent.
The alpha wanted to mark him. To let all others know that this omega was claimed. That he was his and would belong to no one else. So he licked and sucked before he bit down hard enough to draw blood from the olive skin. His mate cried out, a mixture of pain and excitement. Thrashing about to try and free himself, but he held firm with bruising force. After his mate tired and calmed himself, he pulled away to inspect his mark. His mate shivered, breaths coming in pants, warm and wet as he kept his head turned from him. Tears still flowing from his eyes. Red looked so beautiful on him, so warm and wet. So shiny, it matched his eyes. So full of fire even when he was pinned with no escape. There was a deep fire and passion to escape. That look he was getting excited him.
He licked the tender flesh he had just tore into, earning another churr. His mate's struggles do more harm then good, their shells are rubbing together. It wasn't long before his cock falls out, landing on his mate and causing him to still. He could feel his breath catch in his throat, trying to suppress whatever sound he wanted to make. The cock is large, thick, covered in bumps to scrape away opposing male's seed should his mate have been taken by another. The thought alone made him growl.
It doesn't take long before he moves his hips back, slowly pressing it against the slit in his mate. One quick thrust and he is in, his mate struggles and cries out. He could smell the iron of blood as he moves to silence the screams, sticking his tongue down his throat to keep him from attracting other males. It isn't long before he finds himself needing to move. Needing to create that sweet friction that will lead him to pure bliss. His eyes turn white, he growls possessively as he bites down again on that flesh, ensuring it would leave a permanent mark. His mate doesn't make a sound as he is slammed into, no struggle, no cries. He looked down, nuzzling him with his beak to ensure he is awake, he is. Eyes half liddled and his lips moving in a silent mutter. He releases his wrists but they do not move, much to his satisfaction.
Claws dig into his mate's hips, pulling him in deeper then ever before, his thrusts wild and needy, desperate to claim the male, to fill him with his seed. He presses his head to the nape of the neck, where the wound was, grunting with a few more wild thrusts and spills his seed within him. Coating the inside of his mate with his cum. Moving his hips lazily until he was milked dry.
Donnie's three fingers traced the mark upon his neck. He could feel the ridges, the place where each tooth had sunk into him. Claiming him. Marking him for all to see. He could not hide it and he could see his brothers gaze upon it each and every time they spoke with him. Even if they said nothing of it, the mark was still there. Donnie could feel it. The disgusting tongue that forced him to react. The teeth that penetrated him without his consent. He dug his mails into it, dragging them down and causing himself to bleed. It didn't help. He could still feel that warm and wet sensation. He could still recall how good it felt. He dug deeper, ready to scrape away the skin when he heard April's gasp.
His eyes looked to her. Not fully registering that she was standing there. Perhaps this was a sweet dream, perhaps a nightmare. He wasn't sure, not until she tried to touch him. He drew back from her, pulling his hand away just as he did his father. "Don't…look at me like that." He said softly. "Don't look at me with such pity." He hated it. He didn't want to see that look on her. Smile. He wanted her to smile. To act as if she didn't know the truth.
"Donnie…" tears swelled in her eyes as he pulled away. He never did that before, not even after she started going out with Casey. He was always so quick to gain any sort of physical contact, even if it were a simple hand on his shoulder. He always smiled when he saw her, so bright and cheerful. As if she were the very light within his darkness. She recalled that phrase in his diary. How she wished so dearly to see herself in the light he had seen her. "Donnie…"
What was she to do? What was she to say? He was hurting, physically hurting himself because of some unknown reason. It hurt her to see it, to see him so lost. She looked to his plastron, noting that he was not showing, still quite early she assumed. Yet her eyes must have lingered too long. He covered his body with the blanket and his arm, as if a feeble attempt to hide it from her.
"April…I…" he was at a loss of words and even now, after all this, after all this time and what he had been through, he still could not find the strength to look her in those big beautiful blue eyes.
It was then she knew, that she could see he still held feelings for her. He still loved her, even after he was…tears welled in her eyes. He had been so happy before. Taking it in stride. He had been the one to tell her to talk to Casey, to give him a chance and to let her heart guide her. Not long after Casey asked her out and she was never happier. Though now…now she questioned everything. She questioned how she felt for Casey, how she felt for Donnie. Seeing him there…so helpless…so broken…she yarned to touch him. To feel his gentle fingers run across her skin. For him to say her name out of sheer joy of seeing her and out of pain and sorrow.
"You don't need to say anything." She sat next to the bed, in the chair that Splinter had taken earlier. Up close like this, she could see the scars, the scratches, the new bruises that formed atop the old ones that still had yet to heal. She could see the marks on his neck and wrists, places where he had been held down and pinned and it made it all the more real. 'I saw an angel today.' His words rendered her heart filled with sympathy. How could something so horrible happen to a creature as gentle and pure as him? "I just…wanted to see you."
He wanted to touch her hand. He wanted to smile and tell her not t worry, that he was okay. Yet he didn't wish to lie to her. He wasn't okay, he was hurt, in pain and frankly, wishing she was not here to see him on the verge of another breakdown. He was able to choke back the memories. To focus on what he needed to. Enough to keep him grounded to now and not drift off to then.
She looked up at him. Looking into his eyes. Eyes that had once caused her fear because of their piercing color. "I was so worried about you…for a while I…we thought we had lost you." She corrected herself. Her hand reaching out again to touch him, he drew back. Holding his hand to his chest. Acting as if his touch would burn her if it made contact. What was he afraid of? Was he afraid he would hurt her or that she would hurt him. She hated it. Hated how afraid he was to touch her.
He could see that he was upsetting her. That he was the cause of the sorrow in her eyes. That hurt him more than his time with Spike. He needed to try what he could, to make her smile again. He had to push his own pain and sorrow deep down, choking it back as he forced himself to smile. "I'm sorry I worried all of you."
Seeing him smile brought her own smile to her face. It had been so very very long since she last seen it, months even if she thought about it. How she missed it, so much. The lair had been so lacking without him. Without the dim glow of the computer screen to pierce the darkness. Without him excitedly telling them about a new invention. She missed watching him play games with Mikey, spotting Raph as he worked out and giving him encouragements to go one more rep, and how he would sit and talk strategy with Leo over a cup of tea and coffee. The lair had been full of life, but when he had left…so did the happiness in the family. So did hers. Yet, now he was back, she was happy to have him back. "Donnie…I missed you so much. We all have and I…" she reached out her hand. 'I want to die.'
He wanted to pull away but he knew she needed it, to feel him, to touch him. To perhaps know he was really there. So he let her take his hand. It seemed to bring her more ease. Her touch made his heart flutter. To feel her again, her soft and tender hand, so small and dainty hand felt perfect in his hand. 'She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.'
April couldn't help but tear up. The feeling of him brought her back to better times, when he would drop what he was doing to be by her side. "Donnie…" she squeezed his hand and hummed. "Do you know how hard it was?" she asked, pulling his hand to her holding his hand between both of hers. She kissed his hand. "There was no happiness…only sorrow…only pain at your loss…" he turned away. "Donnie."
He turned from her. His heart raced in his chest as she kissed him. Her lips were still so soft. Her body so warm and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't look at her. Not after…why did he feel so dirty now? So tainted and impure? As if he would ruin her if they stayed too close. She was beautiful, pure in every way. He didn't want to ruin her, to taint her by touching her beauty and perfection. So afraid that she would read his mind and see into him, to see the torment that lead to his broken body.
She didn't like how he turned from her. This wasn't Donnie, not the way she remembered. She wanted her Donnie back. The Donnie that loved her, that cherished her, that written such beautiful words about her. "Donnie…" she could see the mark on him, the deep imprint that left the claim. She frowned. "Donatello…" he stiffened. She never spoke his full name. Yet she wanted him to look at her. To see her. 'I want her to look at me the way she does him.'
"April please…" this was too much. She was stirring thing inside of him. Thing he didn't want to be exposed to yet. He loved her still, he wanted her to love him back but she had Casey. By every god and goddess worshipped in the world he still loved her more then anything in this universe. He felt her hand, it cupped his face and turned it to face him. His red eyes slowly looking into her beautiful blue orbs. Her face was close, so close. He could smell her, the sweet scent that he had grown accustomed to. She was beautiful still. Even now. The look she was giving him, the very same one she gave to Casey. It made his heart pound in his chest so hard he thought it would fall out.
She felt that this was right. That she and he…it felt like it was meant to happen, like it was meant to be. Now that he was here, now perhaps she could hear the sweet words from his diary from his own kind and gentle voice. "Donatello…" she closed her eyes, leaning in. She was going to kiss him.
His heart caught in his throat. How…Why did she sound like that? So lovely, so needy? He watched as she tilt her head and closed her eyes. His body tensed, her soft breath danced across his beak. How long had he wanted this? How often had he dreamed that she would look at him this way? That she would love him? Her hand felt so warm against his cheek. Was she going to kiss him? A true kiss? Like one that he had always dreamed of in those nights where he just couldn't sleep.
~LRDM~
Mikey couldn't believe his eyes. How the shell had they missed this place?! It was twice the size of there previous lair. The center held a water fountain, a place that by the looks of it held fresh water. There were seven shops, each colored differently and one was a kitchen, perhaps a food store. It was a bit dusty, needed some work to clear our debris and it would be a hell of a place to raise little ones. He ran and climbed to the top floor, ignoring the stairs all together.
"Look at this place! Its amazing!" he ran from room to room, inspecting each one before he settled on the perfect one. "This one is mine!" he shouted, moving along shouting who would get what room until he came to the center. "This one is Donnie's! It the biggest one and he could use the room! Can you guys imagine it?! Donnie in here taking care of our kids?!" the thought brought a gentle look in his eyes. He could already see his brother holding a turtle tot in his arms, cooing softly as he checked on the eggs that had yet to hatch.
"Those are just the rooms you can see now." Slash said softly. He pointed to the left and right. "There is offices there, take down a few walls and it would be a great place for a dojo. Just off the kitchen, there is another door, one that leads to a hidden garage, I assume it was meant to take the employees to and from here without them having to purchase tickets. It is three times the size of the churrent lab he has, it also has two rooms of storage." He rattled one about this and that. Places that would be useful for what.
Raph smiled, even he was impressed by it. It was gonna take alotta work and elbow grease but he was sure that they would have a great new home. "Gotta say big guy, this place is amaz'en." He looked about only to see his friend smile. Leading to the box on the wall. Flicking a switch, the whole place lit up, showing off the chandelier. His eyes were wide, staring up at it. "Donnie is gonna love this." He commented.
Leo looked about. Moving from place to place, inspecting it all. It was fortified, secured, perfect location, a bit of Donnie security and modifications and he was sure it would make a perfect home. More room and space for them all. Their scents were even hidden because they had to dive into a pool of water and swim a bit to get to it. It was everything they could have wanted and more. Yet his body became ridged. He stood there in silence. Thinking about everything.
"Bro! Check it out!" Mikey held a few dusty stuffed toys in front of him. One was of a turtle with a pink shell, another with a blue. "Im gonna bring them back for Donnie to give to the tot! One blue for a boy and pink for a little girl!" He shook them, hearing a little rattle. "Oh my god! They are so cute!" he ran off to show Raph and Slash who looked at him with hopeful smiles.
Hope. That was all he had right now. Hope that this would be better. Hope that Donnie and his young survived. Hope that their father would see reason. Hope. He sighed and took out his T-phone, snapping pictures all around to show Donnie later. Perhaps he was over thinking this. Perhaps not.
As he took pictures his phone chimed with a text. Narrowing his eyes as he looked to see it was from April.
Guys,
I need you to come back. I cant stay here.
April
He looked to his brothers, all turned back to him and frowned. They got the same text. What had happened? Was Donnie okay? Without hesitation, they ran back to the lair. Fearful of what state their brother would be in.
Raph balled his fists, his emerald eyes narrowed darkly as he ran through the tunnels. If April fucked with his brother…if April so much as made him cry…he was gonna make sure that she never set foot in the lair again.
~LRDM~
She stared at him, her eyes wide and confused. He turned away from her. He. Turned. Away. Why? Was it something she said? Something she did? Why had he, the only who loved her so dearly, who wrote such beautiful things about her, who loved and adored her, turn away when she was finally willing to give him what he craved so desperately? Her brows furrowed as she reached to touch his face again. "Donnie…" a single touch and images flashed in her mind. Of his brothers, their confessions, the fight, the Kraang, his torture, how he escaped them, destroyed their records, of Newtralizer and a cage that held darkness.
Donnie smacked her hand away, a little rougher then he meant to. It was but a fraction of a second and she could see it all. He knew she could. He turned to her, sorrow in his eyes and a deep wounded pain she could feel radiating off of him. "It isn't right." He said softly. "These feelings, you're confused." He hugged himself. "It isn't that kind of love you feel for me April. I can tell, we both can even if you don't want to see it now…"
She stood abruptly. "Don't tell me how I should feel Donnie! I think I know my own emotions better then you do!" tears flowed from her eyes. "I felt it, all of it!" she choked on a sob. Unsure how he could sit here so calmly after everything. "I can feel your pain…I don't mean to but…"
"Only what I let slip out." He said softly. His voice calm and ever gentle when he spoke to her, even when she was aggressive, angry and intrusive. He still gave her the utmost respect. She was angry yes, she had offered him what he always wanted and he rejected it. She could only imagine what that must feel like for a woman as beautiful as her to be rejected by someone like him but. "I wont hurt Casey." He said softly. Recalling the stories of his father and Oroku Saki, their rivalry over Tang Shen that cost her life. He would never be consumed with rage like that. To blindly attack a friend for the sake of a woman. He would yield, allow her the proper choice and live in the sun.
Her face was nearly as red as her hair. Anger consuming her as she narrowed her eyes. "Oh yeah that's right! You set it up didn't you? Of course you did, Donnie always thinks of everything!" She turned from him, now hearing Casey running to the lab. "Everything is planned out, so carefully! I bet you never planned on this!" She motioned to the test results, confirming his pregnancy.
"April!" Casey glared at her. "I don't know what got you two in a fight but that was uncalled for!" that was something you would hear out of his mouth not hers. What ever happened, whatever was said hurt her. He looked to Donnie, stoic but trembling. He frowned and ushered her out of the room. "What has gotten into you?"
She turned and held him. Crying into the nape of her foolish boyfriend's neck. She had gone too far she knew she did. Even now she could feel how much that had stung him. How much that cut him deeper than any wound he had. There was no Im sorry for that.
He pet her hair, hugging her tightly so she would calm down. "Shhhh. It's okay Red. Donnie probably didn't mean what he said. He isn't…himself right now." He walked her to the couch to sit down. "It's hard I know. There is a lot that needs to be figured out now."
She pulled away, pulling out her phone to send the text. She didn't want to stay. She didn't want to be here with him. Not after that. "I just want to go home. Promise me as soon as they get here we can go home." She wiped away her tears on her sleeve and turned away. Why did he have to be like that? Why did he have to turn her away? She was the one he always told everything to, why wouldn't he open up about this?
Casey sighed and nodded. "Yeah. We can go home once his brother's come back. I just don't think it good to leave him alone. You know what Leo said and he even wrote it in the book. We need to make sure that he wont hurt himself." He frowned as he tried to calm her down. Everything had been falling downhill since Donnie got back. Not that it was his fault.
After a small moment of silence, they could hear the unmistakable clang of Metalhead's feet against concrete. Casey muttered a curse under his breath as he moved to the lab, telling April just to relax and stay put. When he got to the door he could see Donnie out of bed, leaning on his robotic creation as it helped him moved to the chair. "Donnie what are you doing?"
"I need to work. There is too much I need to look into, I need to finish running security, I'm four updates behind on Metalhead, I need to make sure I…" he groaned as he was set down in the chair. Patting his small friend on the head as it let out a few chirps. "No you didn't hurt me. I'm fine." He offered the metal turtle a smile as he brushed off some of the dust that had been on him. "Let's get you those upgrades, and then we can work on an incubator, start new logs and plans…" he turned on his laptop and muttered about how many updates he needed to run. He reached over and pulled out his sketchbook, moving past the plans and schematics of the Shellraiser, Raph's bike and the security layout. He looked down at the fresh page before turning to Metalhead. "Updates have to wait for now. Please check the inventory for things that could work for an incubator." The little bot chirped and moved to complete the task assigned to him.
Casey grumbled and moved toward him. "Don, listen I know you wanna get things done, we appreciate it an all but really dude, you are only back two days and in no…condition to work." He rubbed the back of his neck. How was he going to put this that wont upset him. "You know you don't have to, we been fine when you were gone and…"
"I'm fine Casey." His voice was slightly sharper. Showing his irritation. "I know fully well what I can handle and what I am capable of." The small robot delivered some items for his approval. "This tank will do fine, though I think we need to try and find a bigger one."
The teen's eyes got big. "Why would you need a bigger one? That think is plenty big for a baby, it's the size of a crib…"
Donnie didn't say anything, looking over the items. He set them aside and began to sketch. He had already noticed his nails growing. They had in the past few weeks. An obvious sign he had missed. He would need to write it down once his computer was done updating. There was no doubt he would have the urge to bury his eggs. "Not this one, find the newer one from the last trip." He heard the chirps. "I know the one before that then."
"Don don't ignore me, you need to get in bed before the others come back or Raph is gonna have my head…" a Sai slammed into the desk. "Fuuuuuuccck!" he turned to see a very angry turtle.
"Thought you said ya could handle it." He retrieved his sai and looked to his brother. "Donnie, I aint gonna argue, just get yer ass back in bed…."
The younger brother didn't look up. "That's it, now find the box of wires, it should be where it normally is." He looked over the heat lap that was in his hand. It wouldn't be big enough to cover it. Perhaps if he got more…maybe found a longer one.
"What are you making?" Mikey asked softly. Eyeing everything that was laid before him. "Incuberadiator? What is that?"
"Incubator, Mikey." He took the metal bar from his brother's hand. "The Trachemys scripta elegans can lay between two and thirty eggs in a single clutch and…." He turned to see his brother's face pale.
"Two and thirty…Donnie you can't expect to…" Leo wasn't so confident about this. Given how big his brother was compared to an unmutated turtle…the egg were going to be huge. If he was making an incubator, did that mean he was going to go through with it? "I mean how can you be sure there are possibly that many?" how would they care for thirty babies?
"I don't expect it to be that many. A human can have anywhere between one and eight, though it is most commonly only one. Given that I am a mixture of both it is more probable to deduce that I will have between one and eight offspring." He started to fill the fish tank with the other components.
"It don't matta anyway, this shit can wait, ya aint in no condition ta be doing shit." Raph moved to help him back to bed. Don tensed. Metalhead set the items in his hand down and ran at Raph, chirping and aiming his weapons at him, almost daring him to get closer to his creator. "What da hell?!"
Donnie smirked. "He is just protective." He said softly. "Metalhead stand down." The pregnant turtle didn't stop what he was doing. There was too much to be done. Too little time. "There isn't much time, I only have a month at best, perhaps a little longer before…"
Slash walked in, having heard everything and the possibility his mate would be carrying more than a single child. He walked over to Donatello, his yellow eyes looking him over. When he got too close, he heard the chirps of the metal contraption. He stepped forward, ignoring it to be closer to his mate, gently he nuzzled his beak against the other's. His mate having gone stiff in his presence, submitting to him. He humming softly, soothingly to him as he lowered his beak to the mark. "No matter how many, I will protect them all." He cooed. Licking the blood from his mate's neck. He could feel him shutter even as a soft churr escaped his lips.
A/N
Sorry its super late and sorry for the lack of A/N from the last chapter. I have little time these days to respond like I used to I only hope that you all enjoy this chapter.