Haruhi awoke with a a yawn, blinking several times, then tucked herself back into the sheets. She could see sun was up and that she needed to prepare the breakfast and wake up Kurozawa-sensei. Yet, she was feeling completely depressed. Souji's wedding was tomorrow... Time flew a lot too quickly and she had nothing against Tsune except the fact that neither Tama or Souji were desiring that union, but that was irrelevant anyway in an omiai, an arranged marriage.
Haruhi sighed heavily and passed her arm on her eyes. She had to get up anyway. Staying in bed wouldn't slow down time. She eventually got up and prepared the breakfast before waking up the old man who grumbled as usual. They ate together at the table and Haruhi put her chopsticks down.
« I'm going to Tokyo this morning. » she said « Do you need me to get you anything ? »
« Why're you going ? »
« I'm bying a kimono for the wedding. » she said, sipping tea.
« You already have one ! » frowned the old man, gesturing towards the beautiful yellow kimono which was hanging in the room. Haruhi chose it with a lot of care and she actually put most of her monthly salary in it but now, she wasn't sure anymore.
« I changed my mind. » she stated « I want a blue one. »
« I feel like every day comes more nonsense... » he muttered « I don't need anything from town. »
« Okay. » she nodded with a smile, finishing her tea « then I'm gonna go. It's a long walk and I intend to be back in the afternoon. If I want to have it tailored, the earlier the better. »
« I'll do the dishes, Fujita » he smiled « go. »
« By the way, you're still sure you're not coming to the wedding ? Souji did invite you. »
« These kind of receptions always bored me. » he yawned « I'm better off here. »
« Food'll be good. » she tried.
« Thanks but no thanks. »
« Okay. » she stood up « thanks for the dishes. I'm going. »
« Take care. » he replied as she walked through the door, putting on her sandals.
She went to Tokyo on foot and found a fabric that would do. It wasn't as pretty as the yellow one she bought in the first place but she didn't have enough money to buy something else with the same quality. The fabric was skyblue with delicate small white and yellow flowers on the bottom and the sleeves, as if it was representing a blooming field on a sunny day. With the yellow flowers, it was fitting that she could use the same obi she initially brought, yellow too, and so, it was perfect. She payed the fabric and tried three different tailors before she found one who could make her a kimono quickly. Satisfied, she drank a tea in a teahouse, waiting for it to be ready, and headed back home.
On the road, she came across a familiar figure and got closer. Souji greeted her with a smile before he turned his gaze towards the tomb in front of which he'd been standing.
« I wanted to talk to Kondou. » he said after a moment of silence « but there is nothing here. »
« What do you mean ? » she asked, looking at the grave too.
« His body's in there. » he said softly « but his soul remained in his head. I don't know where it's buried... » he sighed « I wanted a sign, something to confort me that I was really doing Kondou's will... But his spirit wouldn't answer my prayers. I'm alone. »
« You're not alone, Souji. » she said, taking his hand in hers.
« I know. » he smiled faintly « It just feels like it. »
He looked at the grave lengthily and he didn't even turned to Haruhi when he spoke again.
« Did you know ? I was there when Tama was born. Well, not in the room, obviously, but with Kondou and Gen. Kondou was so anxious he wouldn't stop pacing and I was gently mocking him, Gen was scolding me... Then they called Kondou and when he came back, he had that little human being in his arms. He showed it to us, his eyes humid with proudness and love and he told us she was a girl. He even put her in my arms at some point... She was so small and fragile, and I was deepshit scared that I could drop her. Kondou laughed and patted my shoulder and he told me that I should get used to it because I might have children too, very soon. »
Haruhi didn't say a thing and just listened. Souji was smiling while remembering these happy memories of a more insouciant time. His expression took a sinister turn.
« I was seventeen. » he stated « And Tama was just entering the world. I've always considered her more like a sister, and now, we're gonna be wed tomorrow. The kamis work in mysterious ways... »
« Souji... » said Haruhi, still holding his hand « I'm sorry... I failed. »
« It's not your fault. » he smiled, looking at her « It's my decision. » he paused, eyes back on the grave « Did she tell you anything ? About me ? »
« She's worried you might dislike her. » said Haruhi « and avoid her. »
« I'll try to be considerate. » he nodded.
« You had a nice time in Tokyo yesterday ? » she asked to change the subject.
« Not so much. » he sighed « I just went to buy furnitures for Tama's room so she could be comfortable in the Shieikan since I do not intend to share my bed with her on a daily basis. I then went to get a drink with Shin and Heisuke but I wasn't really in the mood for partying and they didn't really help. »
« How so ? »
« Basically by calling me a retard every five minutes » he snarled with a chuckle « I came back pretty early but you already weren't there anymore. What's that package ? »
« It's my kimono. » she said « for the wedding. »
« Which color is it ? » he asked with a smile.
« Skyblue. »
« A good choice. » he nodded « it matches your eyes. They are a lot lighter than Hajime's. »
« He's not my biological father so it's pretty normal that we don't have anything in common. » she stated.
« I know... » he said, putting a lock of her hair behind her ear « Hajime's eyes are like deep water, dark and bottomless. Yours are like a lagoon, so clear that everything that you want to hide can be seen inside, your emotions, your feelings, your love... When you're mad at me, they turn grey like a stormy sky. »
« Why are you saying this ? » she frowned.
« Because I can see how sad you are. » he said softly « and I'm sorry for making your life a living hell. »
« Trust me, hell is worst than that. » she smirked.
« Haruhi... » he whispered, leaning over.
« Souji, don't make this even harder... » she managed to say before he landed his mouth on hers.
The way he moved his lips was full of promises, as if he was to marry her and not Tama, as if they would soon to be spending their lives together and not with Tama. It was blissful and at the same time, extremely painful, because he wouldn't be able to keep these promises.
He eventually let go and she found herself out of words, except from three, which passed so easily the barrier of her lips that she felt mad at herself.
« I love you. »
« I love you too, Haruhi. » he said, resting his forehead on hers « you're like a beacon. »
« A what ? » she asked, confused.
« A beacon. » he smiled, his emerald eyes sparkling only inches from her saphire ones « sometimes I feel like I'm standing by an abyss and the world is in flames. A simple push could make me fall but then I see you and you're radiating, casting the shadows away. Kondou was also like this... But your soul is even purer than his was because you have your own darkness to fight and yet, you help me fight mine. »
« Souji... » she whispered.
« Don't pay attention. » he sighed, pulling away from her « I'm spurting nonsense again. You seem to have that effect on me, that makes say aloud all the things I'd rather keep hidden. »
« Souji... » she said, clenching her hands onto his brown kimono with bamboo rods on it « Don't marry Tama. »
« You know I have to. » he frowned « It's not to Hajime's daughter that I'll learn the importance of duty. »
« Souji... » she whispered again and she wiped her tears from her eyes before she looked up to him, smiling « I hope you'll be happy. »
« I will. » he said, catching her chin with a smile « if you stay with me. »
« I haven't taken a decison yet. » she confessed « I need to know how I'll feel when you'll be... in Tama's room. »
« I understand. » he said, passing his other hand in his mahogany mane « It would drive me crazy, to wait for you knowing you're with another. »
They stayed that way without saying anything for a moment until Souji spoke again.
« I have something for you. » he said « At the Shieikan. Would it be okay if you came with me to get it ? Or maybe you're too busy... »
« No it's fine. » she nodded « I'll come with you. »
Souji took her hand in his and they walked together in silence towards the Shieikan. When they got there, Souji guided her to his room and handed her a kanzashi.
« I noticed you don't have much accessories for your hair. » he said with a genuine smile « I thought this one would suit you. »
It was a beautiful kanzashi, made to go on the top of the bun like a flower crown, going nearly from ear to ear. Haruhi had already seen some on women a lot higher ranked then she was, like Chizuru-neechan when she was princess in Yase, samurai wifes, daimyo wives or high ranked prostitutes but she never owned one herself. She was a common girl, an innkeeper daughter, a waitress... even when she was a whore, her worehouse wasn't really one of standing. The flowers were all blue on silver rods representing branches and small silver buds. This kanzashi was more fit for his bride than for a dojo instructor.
« It's so... beautiful... » she whispered.
Souji didn't answer and he grabbed her hair and a few kanzashi to tie her hair in a big bun, he then took gently the silver kanzashi from her hands and decorated her bun with it. He nodded in approval, a smirk lingering on his lips.
« I knew it'll be lovely. »
She had to believe him, she couldn't see her face. Souji probably realized it because he got up to bring her a mirror. He wasn't lying. Haruhi had never seen something so beautiful in her hair. It was perfectly matching her eyes and the silver and light blue were popping into her hair as dark as night.
« The flowers... » she frowned « They're flowering quinces. »
« I didn't think you'll notice. » he chuckled « They're usually not blue. I had it made that way for it to match your eyes. It had been ordered for a long time and I picked it up yesterday. »
« It's your kamon. » she said « flowering quince. It's you. »
« Yeah. » he chuckled again « I might be trying to brand you. Will you wear it ? During the wedding ? »
« People are gonna notice. » she sighed « If I wear flowers representing the groom. »
« I don't care. » he shook his head « please, wear it. I had it made for you. »
« Was that why you wanted me to wear blue ? » she asked.
« Yeah. » he nodded softly.
She hesitated, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She still had trouble to conceptualize that this beautiful thing was hers. She eventually nodded and smiled to Souji.
« I'll wear it. » she said « tomorrow, I'll wear your flowers. And nevermind for the people who'd be shocked, because I love you. »
« That's what I wanted to hear. » he whispered, leaning over to kiss her again and Haruhi let him do it, her toes curling onto themselves on the tatami, her knees sinking further in the ground and her arms draped around his neck, pulling him to her. Souji was hers, and a ceremony wouldn't change that.