Don't Be Afraid Of Who You Are

Disclaimer: I am changing the rating of this story to T for language because there have already been several strong swears and I use it often enough. Everything else is the same, though. So the T is only for language purposes.

Rey's hands gripped the metal structure of the Death Star as she climbed. Her feet searched for footholds as she felt her way around the metal. Rey jumped across chasms, dug her fingers into the rusting metal, and hauled herself over the edge of the wreckage. Rey paused for a moment to catch her breath. The last time she'd done something like this, it had been on Jakku inside the Star Destroyer Inflictor. When she was a scavenger.

While Rey did not miss life on Jakku, things were much simpler then. She wasn't going after hidden Sith artifacts that would lead to the planet that held the supposedly dead Emperor, she hadn't known she was a Palpatine, and she wouldn't be this conflicted about her feelings. But she may not have discovered the Force, she wouldn't have found a family in the Resistance, wouldn't have met all of her friends, Finn, Poe, Rose, BB-8, Chewie, she wouldn't have discovered mentors like Han, Luke, and Leia. And perhaps the biggest thing that wouldn't have happened, would be that she never met Ben. Or was it Kylo?

The thing that she hated the most was her mass of confused and conflicted feelings. The pull to the dark side was terrifying, but it was more terrifying to dwell on her feelings for Kylo, for Ben. She hated the conflict she felt, but she couldn't imagine life without him. They were a dyad. Two halves of one whole. Rey had attempted to convince herself that she hated him, that he hated her, that they were enemies, but the scary thing was that she couldn't.

From the moment she had met him, her emotions towards him were a jumbled and confusing mess. Then when they first saw each other through their Bond, on Ahch-To, her feelings had only intensified. And it terrified her. Not because she didn't know what she was feeling. It was because confronting her feelings and being honest with herself would reveal something that she didn't want to admit. That she couldn't afford to admit it. She cared about him. Much more than she wanted to admit. But ever since she had learned the truth about her bloodline and the word "dyad" things seemed to click into place. Her emotions were so overwhelming that her resolve crumbled and she could no longer ignore them. Rey could no longer deny the intense pull she felt towards him, this strange attraction, and the intense longing. Rey couldn't keep lying to herself when she said she didn't feel anything for him. She felt too much for him.

He did such strange things to her that she couldn't explain. Whenever his deep and expressive brown eyes would look at her, she would feel her breath hitch. Whenever he said her name, she could feel her heart quicken. And whenever he touched her, stars, she felt as if she was on fire. Everywhere he touched her left tingles of electricity on her skin that traveled all the way down her spine. Kriffing hell, was she…?

Rey shook her head and pushed it out of her head. For now. The wayfinder. That's what she was here for.

Rey hauled herself over the edge and rose to her feet. The floor was tilted sideways, the water making the metal surfaces dangerously slippery. Rey could see bits of seaweed hanging from the rafters, rusted metal twisted beyond recognition. The water dripping on the floor echoed throughout the hallway. Rey began to make her way forward when she stopped short. She could see remains of armor, stormtrooper helmets, blackened and burned, cracked, and empty. People used to wear those, people like Finn. The helmets were covered in residue from the water and stained with something that looked suspiciously like blood. The wind whistled through the various holes in the wall and floor and chills ran down Rey's spine.

She forced herself not to look at the remains and turned into an open corridor which led to another gap in the wreckage. It required another climb with hardly any handholds, the walls slick with water.

Rey was breathing hard from the exertion, and she strained to grasp the top of the wall. Pulling herself up onto the floor, she stood up to find herself in a vast chamber, exactly where the dagger had pointed to. She looked around her. The air felt cold, not just from the wind. Her gaze landed on the skeletal soaked remains of a chair...no. A throne. The Emperor's throne.

She could feel the traces of his presence, along with that of Darth Vader, and Luke. A battle, feelings of desperation, pain, regret, rage, fear, and an overwhelming desire to save someone deeply loved. That last feeling felt strangely familiar to Rey, but she didn't know why.

Rey carefully stepped forward towards the throne. It was as if she felt it calling to her. Her skin crawled at that thought. Years of scavenging served her well as she carefully navigated the fragile floor. Some panels were steady, while others were not.

Rey's gaze lingered on the skeletal remains of the throne but turned when she heard a set of doors slide open on the adjacent wall. Almost as if it had recognized her. Rey's feet were automatically moving and before she knew it, she was inside a dark chamber. Before her brain could even register what was happening, the door closed shut behind her. She flinched violently at the harsh sound and then was enveloped in almost complete blackness. Rey breathed in slowly and then steeled herself as she began to walk ahead into the darkness.

The engines of Kylo's TIE fighter roared loudly as they entered Kef Bir's atmosphere. Kylo focused on Rey's Force signature as he piloted his ship low and close to the water to avoid being seen. He weaved in and out of the debris skillfully, and then honed in on where Rey was. He circled his TIE and growled in frustration when he saw there was nowhere to land except at the end of a bridge-like metal structure jutting out from the main wreckage. It was only meters wide so he had to be careful. This task would have been near impossible for a lesser pilot, but flying was in Kylo's blood. Anakin Skywalker, Luke, and Han Solo. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind. Let the past die.

As soon as he parked the TIE, he descended from the cockpit and began walking towards the main wreck. Rey's Force signature was so bright, it was nearly impossible to miss.

He found it difficult to navigate parts of the wreckage and had to call on the Force to climb several sections. He could feel traces of Rey's presence and how easily she had scaled the wreckage. His lips turned up in a slight smirk in a strange sort of admiration. Apparently being a scavenger had its perks.

He was almost there when suddenly he felt Rey's Force signature vanish. No, not vanished, but it was distinctively stifled. It was as if something was trying to cover her up, no… It was something else. Something else was so much more powerful that it completely overwhelmed Rey's presence. Without their Bond, it would have been practically impossible to feel her.

Kylo's brows furrowed in concern and he hurried forward to find her. He didn't bother trying to lie to himself that he was only concerned for her power. He was concerned about her. He needed her to be safe, to be ok. The way Kylo felt about the scavenger was complex but so simple at the same time. But he couldn't bring himself to admit his weakness. She was his weakness, but at the same time, she was his strength, too.

Kylo was so distracted by his whirling thoughts that his foot slipped on a loose panel and he nearly fell. He had to focus. He had to find Rey.

Rey walked through the darkness, looking for a light, anything, just something that was different from the darkness around her. It felt suffocating and she was trying her best not to panic. Her footsteps seemed incredibly loud on the metal floor, and her breath sounded heavy.

Gradually, she began to see slivers of something. Mirrors. Jagged, broken pieces reflecting her image back at her. Not all of them were of her whole body. One showed her arm, another showed her water-soaked hair and bruised temple, while others just showed her face.

She looked at herself and was stricken with how tired she looked. Her face was pale, despite having exerted a great deal of energy climbing the Death Star. Her hair was messy, small strands of hair curled around her cheeks in front of her ears. Her clothes were soaked and disheveled and it made Rey shiver. Her face was gaunt and hollow as if she hadn't eaten in days. Healing the snake must have had more of an effect than she had thought.

Or was it just the exhaustion of her constant battle against the dark side? The agonizing amount of effort it took to close herself off from the one person she really wanted? That thought made her freeze and her body went rigid. The one person she really wanted. Is that how she felt about him? About Kylo Ren? Or Ben Solo?

Rey knew that she cared and held hope for Ben Solo, but Kylo Ren was her sworn enemy. Were they one and the same? And it was another thing altogether to want him. Kriff. She couldn't lie to herself anymore. She was just too tired. Whether she wanted to join him or just be with him in general, that man was her mortal enemy but the only other person who really understood her, she wanted him in some sort of way, shape, or form.

An undeniable tension and attraction had always been between them, whether they were fighting, or silently staring at each other, in a way that felt more intimate than any feasible relationship in the galaxy. The sense of devotion was stronger than family, too passionate for friendship, but not hostile enough to be enemies. It was so intense, so charged, that it was even too much to be lovers. It was like their souls were bared completely open to each other. It went deeper than attraction, stronger than infatuation, more intense than lust. It was as if their very essences merged together, making it impossible to know where they differed. It made more sense since she had learned that they were a dyad in the Force. The two of them were one whole.

But even before that revelation, she knew she had felt something. Why else would she nearly stop breathing whenever she saw him? Or her heart would race every time he so much as looked at her with those damned eyes of his? The way her body flooded with heat whenever he touched her and every point of contact felt like touching a live wire.

She knew he felt the same. They couldn't hide anything from each other. Not truly. Even now, she could feel her face growing warm as she remembered the time where he had showed up shirtless while she was repairing the lightsaber. How gently he had touched her face. Or when he was half asleep and called her beautiful. The kriffing longing she felt whenever they were together, and the painful ache of loneliness when they were apart.

Kriffing hell. This place was allowing herself to indulge in ideas and thoughts that she would normally avoid. She couldn't afford to be distracted. She needed to focus.

Rey shook her head to clear her mind but was only met with the dozens of reflections staring back at her. It reminded of the cave on Ahch-To where she had seen her image reflected over and over again. Kriff, the first person she'd gone to see after that was Ben. Rey squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. She really needed to stop letting him dominate her every thought.

Eerie whispers drifted in and out of her ears, tempting, promising. They sparked her curiosity and she longed to follow them to find answers, but she knew that following them would only bring her more pain, and further away from what she came here for.

A faint humming to her left captured her attention, and when she turned, she could see in the distance a pillar of inky black stone with a small pyramid suspended within. As Rey got closer, the air got colder, the whispers quieter.

When she stopped before the stone, she reached forwards and gently grasped the object and pulled it out. It was the wayfinder. Rey exhaled a sigh of relief that she didn't know she'd been holding in. She'd made it. She'd done it.

But then Rey felt a prickling sensation at the back of her neck. A wave of anxiety and dread washed over her. She was being watched. Rey slowly turned around when suddenly the familiar hiss of a lightsaber igniting made her jump. She whirled around and saw...herself.

She was wearing a dark cloak with a hood that cast a shadow over her face. Her skin was pale, and her cheeks hollow. Her eyes were cold, and red light reflected off of her irises from the twin blades of her lightsaber. The red blades sparked and crackled like Kylo's and her counterpart swung the blades so that they formed a double-bladed saber, like her quarterstaff. Rey froze in horror. That exact design was the one that she had been planning to use for her own saber.

Rey inhaled sharply and stumbled backward, still clutching the wayfinder. It was as if everything that she feared and hated about herself had come to life. Her temptations to the dark side, her fits of rage, her hunger and temptation for power, and every quality she was afraid of having from her own bloodline.

But she could feel the power surrounding the dark vision. It was intoxicating, and Rey couldn't help but linger in that feeling of immense power and strength. The dark Rey looked at her and sneered.

"Don't be afraid of who you are," she said, her voice sickly sweet. It was like a slap to Rey's face hearing Leia's exact words from this creature's mouth.

The dark Rey swung her saber in a blow towards her chest, seeking to kill. Rey snapped out of her shock just in time to parry with her own blade. Sparks flew as blue and red clashed together over and over again.

It sickened Rey to recognize her counterpart's movements, to feel familiar with the way she fought. Rey refused to let go of the wayfinder which gave the dark Rey the advantage. The dark Rey held the saber-staff with both hands, strengthening her blows. Rey's strokes were desperate and wild, making her movements clumsy and erratic.

The dark Rey folded her blades suddenly, trapping Rey's blue blade in between her red ones. The dark Rey turned her head slowly and all Rey could do was stand there, motionless. Her knees were shaking and she was breathing hard. She slowly met her counterpart's gaze.

The dark Rey hissed, revealing pointed teeth as her face turned into a feral grimace. Rey stumbled backward away from herself and fell on her back into the throne room.

She didn't even notice that the dark Rey had disappeared. But as she fell, the wayfinder slipped from her grasp. Her eyes widened in horror and she desperately reached out for it as it slid across the slanted floor. No, no, no. She had come too far to lose it now.

Slam.

The wayfinder abruptly stopped its descent as a gloved hand reached out and grasped it before it could fall. Rey looked up only to see Kylo Ren staring down at her. Her brain raced to process what was happening and a million thoughts flew through her mind. One in particular, though. Shit.

Kylo regarded the wayfinder with an air of nonchalance, before training his gaze back to the scavenger.

Rey bolted upright to her feet, her body rigid as she reignited her saber, staring at Kylo with a hard, cold look in her eyes. She could feel her anger boiling just beneath the surface, aching to be let out. She attempted to breathe slowly as Leia had taught her, but it was nearly impossible to do so with Kylo standing in front of her.

His hair was damp and pushed away from his maskless face. Somehow, Rey knew that he would never wear his mask for her again. His skin glistened with sweat and ocean spray, and she could see the water droplets from the ocean on his clothes. His dark eyes were steady as they stared her down without wavering in the slightest. The wind blew a few loose strands of dark hair across his forehead. But she couldn't focus on that now. She began to walk towards him, slowly, each footstep precise and determined.

Kylo looked at Rey as she began to walk towards him. He let the hand holding the wayfinder rest over his thigh. Even though this was hardly the right time, his gaze was drawn to her face. The wind blew strands of her hair across her cheeks, her skin was glistening with sweat and water, and her lips were red as she stared him down. Her eyes, though. They held something that hadn't been there before. Burning anger. Paralyzing fear. A mix of desperation and hatred. He could feel it in waves rolling off of her. The power she was emitting was exhilarating and charged with emotion.

She was ready to turn. One more push and she would go over the edge.

"Look at yourself," he said, motioning to her offensive stance, her ignited lightsaber, the anger that surrounded her. "You wanted to prove to my mother that you were a Jedi, but you've proven something else." His tone was somewhat contemptuous and condescending. He wasn't sure what made him mention his mother, but when Rey flinched he could see that it affected her.

Rey's blood boiled when he mentioned Leia. Leia must have known about her bloodline. There was no way she couldn't have. But she had still chosen to train her, to care for her, to guide her. Kylo gazed at her with a sudden touch of regret in his eyes.

"You can't go back to her now," he said, somberly. "Like I can't." Despite himself, his voice shook as he spoke. It did not go unnoticed by either of them. The pain in his voice was palpable, as if he were trying to convince himself of it, not just her.

Rey was too angry to linger on it, something she normally would have clung to in order to show him the light. Her vision swam red and every muscle in her body was as tight as a coiled wire.

"Give it to me," she ordered him, a dark tone in her voice. Her words were quiet, but she was trembling with rage. Her voice was tight and strained as if it had taken a great effort for her to speak. It took every ounce of Rey's self-control for her to remain still.

Kylo was slightly taken aback. He was surprised by her outburst of this intense anger and darkness. It emanated from her body in waves so powerful it nearly pushed him back. He reveled in it though as she got closer and closer to the dark side.

"The dark side is in our nature," he said, gazing at her with an intensity that she couldn't place. "Surrender to it."

Rey ignored him, and her jaw clenched as her hand tightened her grip on her saber.

"Give it. To me." she seethed through clenched teeth. She was gripping her saber so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

Kylo regarded the wayfinder in his hand before looking back up at her. Her beautiful features were frighteningly fierce as she glared at him. There was something off about her eyes though, they lacked their usual warmth.

Rey felt a pit of dread grow in her stomach as she watched Kylo's eyes harden. His jaw set and his expression was one of complete resolve. His voice was eerily calm when he spoke.

"The only way you're getting to Exegol," he said, "is with me." He raised the hand that held the wayfinder and crushed it with his gloved hand. The wayfinder shattered and the remains fell to the floor, some of it sticking to his glove. Rey watched in horror as the very thing that she had traveled across the kriffing galaxy to find, the thing that she and her friends had risked their lives for, be obliterated in a blink of an eye.

Suddenly, her body caught up with her brain, and she finally gave in to the burning rage inside her.

"NO!" she screamed, swinging her lightsaber furiously at Kylo. Rage and anger seemed to take over Rey's entire body, her head pounding, her vision tinting red and it was as if something exploded inside her. She let all of her anger over this mission, over the years of waiting on Jakku which had ultimately meant nothing. Rey released all of the rage and frustration she felt over the past couple of years, at Kylo, and at herself. She didn't want to think about what had just happened, what he'd done, who she was. So she swung again and again at Kylo, her blue blade cutting through the air faster than the eye could blink.

When Rey first swung, Kylo merely stepped out of the way. She swung again, and again, but all he did was dodge her blows. The fact that he wasn't even attacking made her angrier, and she picked up the speed of her attacks.

Kylo leaned backward to prevent the blue lightsaber from cutting his chest open. He ducked and sidestepped all of Rey's blows, his boots sliding across the slick floor. Eventually, he came near the back wall and could not avoid her blows any longer. He ignited his red saber and met hers in a spray of sparks.

Shoving her saber away, he stepped back and dropped down the shaft behind them. Rey did not hesitate to follow.

To hell with logic or reason. The only thing at the forefront of Rey's mind was the urge to hurt, the intensity of her rage, and the crushing weight of her despair. All she could feel was the overwhelming urge to hurt Kylo. To win. To kill. As she followed him down the shaft, Rey knew that only one of them would leave this place alive.

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I'm being slammed with schoolwork for the end of the year, which is mostly me trying to make up for my procrastination lol. I'm also in the process of moving so I don't have a ton of free time. So that is the reason for the long-ass break. Thank you for being patient with my craziness lmao. I hope I did this scene justice. Next is the actual saber fight, but who knows how long that's gonna take lol. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!