Bittersweet

"I'm doing everything I can to try and fix it

But knowing me I'll probably miss it

These voices get so vicious

Feels like I'm rippin stitches

I wish some days I could go back

Before life changed, it was so fast

That time is gone and I know that

All that we have is a moment"

The bright light stings my eyes, temporarily blinding me for a moment. As my eyes slowly adjust, I find myself walking down a familiar sidewalk, a familiar neighborhood. Immediately I recognize the snug, fitted sensation of my old school uniform pressing against my body, the slight weight of my backpack pulling on my shoulders. The sounds of my footsteps echo all around me, seemingly coming from every direction, echoing for what seems like an eternity. Walking down this endless sidewalk a familiar figure comes into view, curled into a ball on the ground. Seeing Sayori's shivering form sends a chill down my spine, even after all these years I never get used to the sight. The sickly, pale hue of her once fair skin shining in the light, the appalling scratches and rope burn on her neck, right down to the way her eyes, eyes that once rivaled the most brilliant sapphires, eyes that were as deep as the ocean itself, now misty, pale, dead. Her pale, lifeless eyes look up at me from her sickly hands. I stop in my tracks and match her stare. Slowly her sickly form rises from the ground, never breaking eye contact.

"Murderer." Sayori's hoarse voice echoes around me, the intensity of the noise makes my body want to drop onto its knees, but I remain firm and stand my ground.

I take a step towards her, showing no signs of fear. "I know." I respond in a whisper.

Sayori's face softens for just a moment before a sneer forms. "You killed me!" She shouts, the sheer intensity of her voice almost knocking me onto my knees again, I manage to regain my balance and force myself to move forward, every step sending a sharp, pulsing pain into my head. Sayori becomes noticeably more paranoid, she begins to take steps away from me. "I was finally happy. Why? Why did you ruin it?" Sayori asks in a pained tone. The previous intensity of her voice is fading. Her pained expression however is like a knife to the gut, regardless I proceed to move forward. Step by step, I labor through the pain as Sayori slowly sinks to her knees, frantically whispering to herself. "Why? Why? Why? Why?" She repeats the question like a mantra over and over again, each time it sends a stab into my gut, just when it feels like the pain is too much, I manage to cross the distance between us. Like walking into the eye of a hurricane everything stops, the powerful echoes of her voice fall silent, the stabbing pain in my body fades almost immediately.

Sayori stares at me from the ground, her eyes still repeating the same question even though her mouth isn't moving. I slowly lower myself onto one knee and look her in the eye. "I was selfish." I confess, her dead eyes widen in surprise as I continue. "I was selfish and took everything you did for me, all of the good you brought into my life for granted. No amount of apologies on my part will ever make it okay." I shake my head and let out a humorless laugh. "You know I spent so much time trying to find a way to forgive myself, but after so long I finally came to the realization that I will never forgive myself, not completely anyway." I flash her a smile and stand up, extending my hand towards her. She stares at it like a caged animal, timid, afraid. After a heartbeat she slowly takes my hand, the cold, clammy feeling of her hand in mine sends a chill throughout my body, regardless I gently help her up.

Sayori stares at me for a few moments, her pale eyes searching mine for answers. "You feel no regret for what you have done?" She asks skeptically.

I shake my head at her. "Of course I do, I regret it every day." I clamp both my hands around hers, ignoring the way they tremble. "And as much as I would like to just let the guilt of your death consume me, to just lay down and die." I swallow nervously, my hands still trembling no matter how hard I squeeze Sayori's. "I just can't, I have people in my life who need me, a family of my own now." I feel a smile tug at my lips as the memories of the past few years come rushing in. The trembling in my hands subside as Sayori stares at me in both confusion and pain.

"So you would just forget about me then? Act like I never existed at all, is that it?" She asks, stifling a sob.

I let out a small laugh. "I think you and I both know that could never happen, I couldn't forget about you even if I wanted to." I pull her into an embrace, and to my surprise I feel warmth spread throughout my body. The once sickening scent of decay is replaced by the familiar smell of her favorite perfume. I breathe the scent in deeply, as if I'm taking my very first breath of fresh air. The snug feeling of my uniform is replaced by the soft fabric of an old, faded T-shirt and shorts, the same clothes I fell asleep in.

Sayori hums to herself, her voice no longer hoarse and cold, but warm and filled with life. "So warm." She remarks. She looks up at me, her dead eyes filled with life, hesitantly she breaks the silence. "I should probably confess something, I'm not… I'm not really…"

"I know." I respond, stopping her mid-sentence. "You're not really Sayori. Sayori has been dead for a long time." Such a simple sentence, a statement of fact and yet the words still pain me as they escape my lips. "You're just the guilt that I have carried with me all these years, always present like a scar, never fading." Sayori stares for a moment before letting out a sheepish laugh, god how I missed that sound, how long has it been since I heard it? "And while I will never forget Sayori, I have to let you go. Or you'll drag me down once again." As quickly as it began the dreamscape begins to fade. Sayori, with a pained expression, steps away as the scene before me blurs from existence.

I sit up in a cold sweat, my eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. As I linger on the edge of sleep and lucidness, the dream quickly fades from my memory, no matter how hard I grasp for it. The effort is wasted, the dream slips away completely like sand through my fingers. I let out a defeated sigh and quietly get out of bed, making sure not to disturb Yuri. I silently enter the bathroom and lean over the sink gripping the sides tightly. It doesn't take me long to determine that the dream was about Sayori, it's a rare occurrence, one that I've come to accept. Like always though I can never recall the dream, was it so terrifying, so painful that my mind simply chooses to forget about it to protect itself? I'll never know for sure. I can feel tears stream down my face, immediately I straighten up and check my surroundings making sure nobody is around, the angry sound of my Father's threats still echoing in my mind all these years later. I let out a bitter laugh and wipe my face. "How pathetic, twenty nine years old and you're still afraid to cry." I mutter to myself. I splash some water on my face and exit the bathroom. You know what they say, old habits die hard.

January 22, 2029

Ten Years later

It's funny really, we constantly say to ourselves that we will never forget the people we love, yet as time goes on we do begin to forget. Not anything crucial mind you but over the span of a few years we begin to forget the finer details, the little things that at the time we took for granted. I still remember Sayori's face, the color of her eyes, her goofy personality, everything that made her Sayori, but the little things like the sound of her laughter, the way her voice sounds, these finer details allude me and I often wonder how many years will it take for me to forget her face? These thoughts cross my mind as I walk down the hallway, the warm cup of coffee in my hands giving me some comfort. Needless to say I didn't go back to sleep last night, I spent the last few hours before dawn simply wandering the house, trying to remember what the dream was about, unsuccessfully of course. I stop in front of Yuri's study and enter. The room is rather small, only a desk and chair with a single window serving as a natural source of light. The main draw of the room however is the large bookcase overtaking the wall opposite the door. Rows and rows of books are lined up in the shelf, all of various genres to the most wonderous of fictional novels to the bone chilling tales of horror, one section of the shelf however is relatively empty save for a few books. I run my hands along the spines of these priceless pieces of work, Yuri reserved this spot for her Mother's books, while also adding hers to the collection as well. Yuri decided to follow in the footsteps of her late Mother, while some of her early works went under the radar, she eventually hit her stride in the surreal horror genre, unsurprising to anybody that knows her, They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The rest of the room is filled with notes that to anybody but the author herself, look disorganized, the writings of a mad woman. The alluring aroma of breakfast snaps me out of my thoughts and sparing one more glance to the study I make my way to the kitchen.

Upon entering I spot Yuri standing in front of the stove, I slowly approach her from behind and wrap my arms around her waist. She jumps slightly but slowly leans back into me. Her long hair normally falls all the way down her back but today she has it kept it up in a pony tail. In a few hours she begins her first book tour and the publisher's are insisting she puts her hair up for a more "professional" public appearance, much to her dismay. "Good morning." Yuri says quietly.

"Morning." I reply tightening my grip on her. "You excited?"

Yuri bites her lip nervously. "More like terrified, I can barely keep my head on straight this morning."

I eyeball the counter and let out a small laugh. "Does that explain why you murdered those poor defenseless eggs." I nod my head towards the now empty carton of eggs, the counter is covered with pieces of egg shells and yolk, as if she decided to smash the eggs with enough force that the Hulk would blush.

Yuri lets out an embarrassed laugh. "I tried okay, my hands were shaking like crazy."

"I hope you were able to get some of the eggs in the pan." I say with uncertainty. Yuri slaps my arm in protest as we both let out a laugh. "You're going to do great." I whisper in her ear.

Yuri closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. "I hope so, still wish it wasn't for an entire week."

"What think I can't handle things myself around here?" I ask feigning offense. Yuri simply glances at me and shrugs her shoulders. "Oh okay, I see how it is." I remark teasingly probing her side with my fingers immediately getting a reaction out of her.

Yuri pulls away holding back her laughter. "Stop!" She demands, a smile threatening to form on her face.

I take slow steps towards her. "Stop what? I have no idea what you're talking about." I say feigning ignorance. Yuri tries to side step me but I get her in my arms once again and poke her sides again getting a half laugh, half snort out of her. "Take back what you said." Yuri tries desperately to hold in her laughter, unsuccessfully.

"Okay, o-okay, I take it back just s-stop." She utters between fits of laughter. I eventually ease up and receive a swift elbow to the side. "I hate when you do that shit." Yuri says as I hiss in pain.

I embrace her once more before a high pitched voice rings out from the other room. "Daaaaaaad!" I groan softly as Yuri breaks the embrace and returns to the stove. As I enter the living room, the same voice calls out to me once again with a slight amount of impatience thrown in. "Daaaaaad!"

"Asami!" I shout back in a high pitched tone. Getting a giggle out of the five year old girl. I plop down next to her and ruffle her hair as she yells in protest. "What's the matter?"

She eagerly holds up a sheet of paper inches from my face. "I finished my homework!" She exclaims with an overabundance of joy.

I let out a laugh and take the paper from her hands. "Did you now?" I ask, looking over the various doodles on the paper. Asami said homework but in reality we are just having her practice Kanji before she starts school, though calling the scribbles on the paper Kanji is being a bit generous. "Wow it looks great!"

"Were you able to read it?" She asks impatiently.

No not at all. "I sure did and it was awesome, you did a great job."

Asami frowns at me and huffs to herself. "You're lying aren't you?" She says in an accusing tone.

I scoff at her. "What? No I mean it, it's really good." I say with a nervous laugh.

"Then what does it say?" She asks in a very serious (and oddly chilling) tone.

"Well….ummm" I fall silent as a I begin to sweat nervously, this child is only five years old. "Okay I can't read it but it still looks good…" I trail off as Asami gives me a death glare, if looks could kill I would be dead on the spot, she's only five!

"Don't take it personally Asami, You're Father is just jealous that your handwriting is better then his that's all!" Yuri yells from the kitchen dragging a giggle out of our daughter.

Asami points and laughs at my embarassment. "Thank you babe, glad to know you have my back. In sickness and health and all that." Yuri's laughter is the only response I get as Asami relentlessly teases me.

"You're handwriting is worse than mine!" Asami teases in a song like voice.

I raise an eyebrow at her. "You have to the count of five to run." I say calmly.

Asami's teasing immediately stops and she leaps up to run but I immediately grab her. Her high pitched scream echoes through the halls as I spin her around upside down. "You were supposed to count to five!" She yells as I relentlessly spin her.

I flash her a smile. "I did, I just count really fast." I set her down on the couch and relentlessly tickle her sides, she's just like her mother.

"NOOO!" She yells out between fits of laughter and gasps of air.

"Say you're sorry." I ask politely.

"N-no!" She retorts clearly out of breath, I continue the endless barrage before she finally submits. "I'm sorry." She breathes.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it?" Asami responds by sticking her tongue out at me. "Okay, go brush your teeth and get dressed, we have to take Mom to the airport okay?"

Asami's sapphire eyes light up. "And then we can go to granny and grandpa's house?" She asks in an excited tone.

I let out a laugh at her behavior. "You know it, now hurry up Bun, breakfast is almost ready."

"Kay!" Asami shouts while sprinting towards the bathroom.

She loves going to Mom's house, it was the only reason she wasn't too upset that Yuri is going to be gone an entire week. It still feels weird hearing Asami call Jobon her grandpa. Mom eventually started seeing Jobon, who also worked for the Aimoto's as well. Naturally I was skeptical of the man, though in hindsight it wasn't because he was a bad guy. He was always straight up with me and treated Mom with respect, made her laugh, he truly loved her. So far he has been an amazing husband to her and an excellent grandfather to Asami. As far as she knows, he is her grandfather. For years I was worried that when Dad got out of prison he would try to enter our lives again. Where before I was worried for Mom, now I had to worry about her and my daughter. I was not going to let him anywhere near her. For years I was just waiting for things to fall apart, like they always do. What happened instead however was unexpected to say the least. Six months after Dad got out of prison, he was found dead in a motel after ingesting a lethal mixture of alcohol and painkillers. Due to his previous substance abuse however it was impossible to determine if it was an accidental overdose or if it was suicide. Even after everything he had done to her, Mom still paid for the funeral service and with me by her side, we were the lone occupants of Jeremy Thompson's funeral. Even now I still feel bitter towards the man, He did nothing to earn my sympathy even in death and yet there exists a tiny part of me that believes that, in his own sick and twisted way, he kept his promise to me. It's a tiny, almost insignificant part of me, and I'm almost certain he just overdosed, but whatever the reason for his death there was one thing that remains true, the best thing my Father did for me was dying, it's a cruel and sickening thought, for a cruel and sickening man.

I enter the kitchen once again and stare at the hallway as Asami's voice rings out from the bathroom. She is humming a song to herself to make sure she brushes her teeth for the appropriate amount of time. I love her to death, everyday with her brings me insurmountable joy but it also brings a tinge of pain. Her behavior, the way she likes her hair, the bow she refuses to leave the house without, right down to the impossible blue eyes of hers, When I see her, I see Sayori as well. Is it her child like behavior? She is only five sure and part of me wonders if she will completely grow out of it. The way she speaks, the way she always has a smile on her face, how she, a five year old I stress, can see right through me as if I'm made of glass, every part of her reminds me of Sayori. I often wonder Bun, I wonder how you would react to meeting my daughter, would you act as her aunt? Or perhaps her older sister? Or maybe just as a best friend? My train of thought is derailed as Yuri approaches me from behind and wraps her arms around my chest. I pat her arm affectionately and crack a smile. It's painful, knowing that Sayori is not around, it's painful that every time I see my daughter, I see Sayori as well, but in a way it's also a blessing. If Asami is half the person Sayori was, then I have absolutely nothing to be worried about. If I had to find a word for this feeling, it would be the one that you preferred Bun, bittersweet.

So hey, been a while hasn't it? I am so sorry for such a long delay to the finale of this story. With everything happening in the world the past few months I have had my plate full and then some. Having to switch to online classes, getting laid off, trying to secure unemployment which is a process and a half. It seemed like I would never get around to finishing this story and it has been eating away at me. Regardless though it is finally done and I cannot stress how thankful I am to each and every one of you that have read this story. If you have been around since the beginning, or joined somewhere in the middle, or hell if you are reading this years from now and have no idea why I'm even apologizing. Thank you for giving this story the time of day.