TenTen wasn't what Mayuri thought she would be like. Not that she really had a lot to go on anyways, considering that the girl had never been one of her favorite characters and never someone who showed up for more than a few episodes at a time. What little she could remember, though, was that the TenTen of the show was confident, hard headed, and an expert at ranged weapons.
The reality was that, right now, she was a nervous little girl struggling to adjust to a life without a family. Her parents had just died, and when given a choice between the civilian orphanage or the shinobi one, she chose the shinobi one. It was that simple.
TenTen didn't have grand aspirations or the skill set to become a weapons master. She just wanted to forget that her parents were dead and gone, nothing more than casualties to a silent war that the girl hadn't even realized existed until she was standing in front of their grave markers. She just wanted to move on.
It made sense that Hiroko latched onto her, pulled her in close and held her there. Her sister was drawn to the most broken people, and right now, TenTen was practically shattered.
Mayuri wanted to pretend that she wasn't annoyed by the fact that the girl was suddenly invited to join them on their walks to and from school. She wanted to be someone kind who could welcome her to join them on their outings around the village. She tried to ignore the angry little whispers that said this stranger was creeping too close, stealing away the only person in the world who she could rely on. Any time she saw the girl running to join them, though, she couldn't help the swell of anger that rose to fill her chest.
It was ridiculous and petty and she knew that. TenTen wasn't a threat, and she wasn't trying to do anything besides be Hiroko's friend. Mayuri kept her mouth shut and tried to let her sister have her little bits and pieces of happiness with her new friend. The only problem was that sometimes her face did the talking for her.
"Could you maybe try to be less of a bitch?" Hiroko asked one evening. TenTen had declined the offer to walk home with them, announcing that she was going to keep practicing her aim until she had caught up with the rest of the class. Mayuri had maybe rolled her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Mayuri asked, trying to pretend like she didn't already know exactly what her sister was referring to. She could already feel the heat creeping up into her cheeks, shame for her actions and embarrassment at being called out for them turning her face red.
"You know exactly what I mean," Hiroko said with a long suffering sigh. "TenTen hasn't done anything to you, and you keep glaring at her like she's a pile of shit you just stepped in."
Mayuri winced at her sister's words. She hadn't realized that it was quite that bad, but now that Hiroko said it she couldn't deny that that was probably exactly the expression she wore when her sister's friend was around.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, not willing to meet her sister's angry gaze. "I don't know why, but her hanging around is just rubbing me the wrong way. I'll try to be nicer."
"Have you considered just making a friend of your own? You'd probably be less jealous if you had someone else to hang out with."
The words were like a slap to the face. Mayuri knew that she deserved it, but it still made her wince. Her sister didn't know what had happened to one of the last friends that she had made. Mayuri intended for it to stay that way, but….
The memory of the puddles of blood in that underground cell and of the glowing eye far from the skull it had once belonged in still haunted her. She could still hear Saya's screams, following her like a wraith every moment she breathed while her friend rotted somewhere beneath the ground. She couldn't shake the feeling that the moment she allowed someone new into her life, they would be marked for death.
"You're right," was all she said. Her voice was low and steady, deliberately calm to hide the way Hiroko's words had twisted the knife in her side.
Maybe it wasn't enough, though. Her sister looked at her in that strange searching way, and sighed. She ran a hand through her long black hair, tugging a bit in frustration before she said, "I'm sorry. That wasn't nice of me."
"No, don't apologize. You're right. I'm being nasty to your friend because...because I'm jealous. You're adjusting so well and making friends, and it's just…." A soft groan. "It's hard. It's so hard to watch, because I want that and I just...I don't have it."
Hiroko stepped closer, the anger completely draining from her features. She reached out and entwined her fingers with Mayuri's, her skin warm like a fever. The sun shone inside her, keeping her warm even as ice coursed through her veins. Mayuri soaked in the warmth, reveling in it and allowing herself a brief moment to enjoy the way it made her feel.
"Try to make a friend," Hiroko encouraged as she pulled away. Her smile was small but genuine, and maybe that was why Mayuri allowed herself to take her sister's words to heart.
The next time she spotted a pale face lurking in the shadows of the treeline by the shinobi academy, she waved him over again. And again and again, until she didn't need to invite him to join her anymore. He sat beside her in the grass without an invitation, and they watched the academy students' end of day classes. Companionable silence hung around them like a blanket, warm and comforting. As the days passed, though, small conversations began to fill the silence.
They were simple little things. Mayuri would tell the Uchiha boy about her worst subject in school, and he would give her tips on how to study more efficiently.
She would ask him his favorite color or favorite food, and he would reply with one word answers and she would smile and list her own favorites unprompted.
He never began the conversations, but also never made her feel pressured to talk on days where the nightmares were clawing through her brain, leaving her practically nonverbal. He never made her feel bad for being unresponsive.
She never asked him why he didn't show up at their unofficial meeting spot for weeks at a time, or why he sometimes watched the practice fields below with an expression twisted in what Mayuri could only describe as disgust.
She brought him candy once, a little treat she had earned from one of the civilian academy teachers for finishing an extra credit project. He had taken it, and she had laughed at the wide eyed expression on his face, like he was confused by the gesture but flattered that she would share the sweets with him. In return, he brought her a blade that was small enough to be easily hidden on her person. She was absolutely thrilled by the gift but did her best to keep her excitement masked, accepting it with a blank faced nod and a quiet but heartfelt thank you.
After a few months of this, they began to run into one another outside of the clearing overlooking the academy grounds. They would brush past one another in the streets, or catch one another's eyes from across the crowded marketplace. They never shared more than a subtle nod or smile as a greeting, but it still made her chest feel light and bubbly. It was like having one more secret amongst the hundreds that she had tucked away into the darkest corners of her mind, but this secret was fun instead of traumatising.
Much to her surprise, Hiroko's advice was working. She was spending more time in her new friend's company, more time with her focus somewhere other than the all consuming panic of wondering if her sister was alright or the terror of wondering if she was going to mess something up and get them both killed, and it was actually helping. She no longer felt the rush of fury whenever one of Hiroko's friends joined them on an outing, the prickle of jealousy when someone spoke to her sister but not to her, the pain of being alone and scared without anyone who could understand.
Though she could never be fully honest with the Uchiha boy, she could share the nightmares and the traumas that lined up with their cover story. He never looked at her with horror or pity. He just listened quietly, and in the end he would offer a few soft words of encouragement but never comfort. She would smile, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest, and tell him that his little brother was very lucky to have him.
The nightmares never fully disappeared, but the intensity of them began to lessen. She no longer woke up with her adrenaline surging and her bones piercing skin. By the time the first snow fell in Konoha, Mayuri was sleeping in her bed in the orphanage instead of beneath the stars. As silly as it was, she couldn't deny that it felt like victory.
Is this chapter boring and just a long drawn out transition chapter? Absolutely.
Do I hate my writing here? Yes.
Am I going to do anything to change or improve it? Definitely not.
This chapter is dedicated to the anon who left a nasty comment last chapter, because they made me want to write more even if it was bad. I hope you love it. :)
To everyone else, I hope you can forgive me for not delivering my best to you. I'll do better soon.