My heart felt as if it would beat itself right out of my chest as I walked up the ramp of the dropship. I had never felt this nervous nor scared in my entire life. Not even when I ascended to Trikova Heda. I shouldn't have felt this way. I'd spoken and apologized to many women before. But if I was honest with myself, this was different. This wasn't just some woman I had wronged. This was a woman that had enthralled me the moment I removed the helmet from her head. A woman that had captivated me the moment her chocolate brown eyes fluttered open. Drawn me in with a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue. There was no doubt, Raven had bewitched me, and that frightened the ever-loving skrish out of me.

I sighed as I came to the curtain, cursing the way my hands subtly trembled. My entire body shook with nerves, but I knew this was something that needed to be done. My heart demanded it, and though I was loathed to obey, compulsion moved me forward. I heavily treaded past the curtain to keep from startling anyone inside.

Letting my eyes adjust to the dim interior, I found Raven working on the radio. Back curled over the table, head bent low, and turned away from the entrance. I stood there for a long moment simply watching her, thinking that I could probably watch her forever and never grow bored.

"I said I'm fine, Clarke," Raven spoke, not bothering to check to see who had come in.

I cleared my throat, my feet carrying me forward, "I'm not Clarke. I thought you might be hungry and had saved you some of our dinner."

Raven stopped what she was doing and for a breath or two, said nothing. Then, "Well, you can take it right back out. Give it away or throw it out. I don't care. I've eaten anyway."

I stopped next to the table and set the bowl, bread, and a cup of my mead on a clear space, "Do with it what you will, Raven. But I went to a lot of effort fighting Octavia off to keep this for you. I hope you will reconsider."

"Fine," Raven slightly growled. "If that's it, you can leave now. I'm swamped and there's a lot to do."

I sighed, my chest filling with shame at her words, "I will leave you alone, Raven. But I still owe you a conversation. And if you will grant me the courtesy, I would like a chance to apologize and explain my actions. It does not have to be now. I am willing to wait until you are ready. Have a pleasant evening, Raven."

With those words, I bowed my head to her and walked away. Torn to make it right immediately while knowing that I needed to let Raven decide. So, I walked out of the dropship and eased myself down on the ramp. I was tired, but I wasn't ready to sleep yet. Dreading what I needed even though I knew the tonic Ben gave me would allow me to sleep unencumbered. I knew why I stayed. It wasn't just dreading sleep; it was hope keeping me here. I hoped that Raven would come out searching for me. If only to throw the food back at me.

As I sat and hoped, I let my mind wander where it wanted. Ghosting passed memories of Before and sending them back into the deepest corner. My gaze lingering between the starry night and the camp as it settled. After the emotional ups and downs of the day, and being in the middle of the camp, I found it oddly peaceful. Oh, I still worried about Raven and if she'd give me time, but there was something about the evening that settled me. Something about the sounds of a camp quieting down and the stars above that allowed peace and hope to stay present.

Unfortunately, it didn't last. Movement among the tents caught my eye, and I looked to see the figure of Finn walking to the dropship. I curled my lip in disgust, seeing him. Having heard the reports of the scouts about his behavior before my arrival. How he flirted and charmed his way among the girls in the camp.

Of course, the scouts found it hilarious that these boys bragged about themselves and the girls they took into tents. I had seen and heard it myself, and it was ridiculous that they considered themselves great lovers when nothing lasted more than an hour and girls leaving tents disorganized and disappointed. Their ideas of what they regarded as great sex were woefully inaccurate and just another reminder of our cultural differences. I knew that some of their whispered brags were utterly false. Boys hesitant to look weak in front of their peers and therefore created exaggerated exploits. They didn't know that though the girls talked about them and giggled as they pointed, it wasn't because the boys were being praised. They were being laughed at because the girls found them inadequate lovers. I briefly wondered if this was the same among all the Skaikru or if it was just these children.

But Finn kept coming, and I could see a scowl on his face when he sighted me. I sighed, wondering what kind of foolish thought provoked this look towards me.

Finn stopped a few feet from me and as intimidating as he could, spoke, "You need to stay away from them."

I wanted to laugh at his poor imitation but was able to suppress it down to an amused expression. Eyebrow quirked and a smirk across my lips.

"You'll have to be more specific, Finn," I drawled, lazily gesturing to the camp. "There's ninety-plus people here."

"Clarke and Raven," Finn bit out, his scowl deepening and his stance tensing.

I tilted my head at him in feigned curiosity, "And why would I do that? If they did not want my company, all they have to do is say so."

"Clarke and Raven are good people," Finn answered. "They don't need the likes of you damaging their reputation."

"The likes of me," I repeated, my smirk fading to be replaced by a cold look. "And just what is it about me that would damage their reputation?"

"You're a violent criminal," Finn said as if it were obvious. "You're a freak. You're a violent freak that just uses women."

My jaw clenched, and my hands formed fists at my sides as I stood up slowly. If there was one word that was a surefire way to anger me in a millisecond, it was freak or frikdreina in our language. The term was used to describe those who had the misfortune of being born with deformities, from either genetics or the radiation that still occasionally poisoned us. Before I rose to lead my people, those born such were either killed or left for dead in the Dead Zone. Thought to be a stain on the bloodlines and the clans' misguided efforts to stay healthy. I knew differently, and when I could, I offered them a home. I wasn't always able to save them, and I wasn't always able to convince them, but I did what I could. I hated that word because my parents had used it against me. To change my mind about what I knew to be true.

And now this boy. This stupid, ignorant boy dared call me that. People had died for lesser insults. With a restraint that surprised me, I kept my hand away from my knife and didn't immediately kill him. Because I knew what he was doing. Finn was trying to get me to hurt him just to prove his words. To turn Clarke and Raven against me. I wasn't going to give in to him. No matter how much I wanted to.

Instead, I took a slow breath, and I felt myself go blank. No expression. No vocal intonation. I was stone. My men knew, and my enemies knew as well, that when that happened, I was at my deadliest.

"I am violent," I agreed. "I am a criminal. But I am not a freak. Nor do I use women in the sense you are implying. Do I have needs? Yes. I am human. Do I seek out women to fulfill those needs? Yes. But each woman I take to bed understands that it will never be anything but that moment. That I am not looking for anything besides fulfilling a need. I make no promises beyond pleasure. They understand this and are left satisfied."

I walked closer to Finn and internally smirked when he took a step back before tensing himself as if preparing for a fight. I would not give him that. I would not give him the satisfaction.

"If anyone here uses women, it's you, Finn," I said. "You have a girlfriend. One that was left on the Ark and risked her life to join you. Out of love. But the moment you stepped foot on this planet, you have flirted and charmed your way into any and every girl's bed. I have heard the talk. From both sides. How you brag to your peers. And how the girls voice their disappointment. Yet you never spoke of your girlfriend. Never once mentioned her. Never once said her name. And I know why. You never spoke of her because you knew that most of these girls would turn you down. That Clarke would turn you down. If anyone has sullied reputations, it's been you. If anything happened between you and Clarke the night and day you disappeared, you made Clarke the other woman. You betrayed Raven's trust and love. Cheapened Raven's bravery."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Finn yelled and started drawing the attention of those still awake. "You were never around. You have no clue what people have said."

"Just because you did not see me, it does not mean I did not hear. I can ask Dax or Lisa or Guy or Katie right now. What do you think they would say?"

"They wouldn't say a damn thing because they don't know anything," Finn growled.

I looked over his shoulder to the crowd and spotted Katie, "Katie, did Finn ever once mention he had a girlfriend?"

"He has a what," Katie screeched. "Are you fucking kidding me?! You fucking asshole! You told me that you'd never had sex before and that what we had was special!"

I saw another girl, Amanda, look at Katie in surprise, "Wait. He used that line on you, too? I can't believe I fell for that shit. Fucking asshole! Can I ask? Did you even get off?"

Katie snorted, "Fuck, no. I had to finish myself off because he fell immediately asleep after he was done."

Amanda laughed, and a few other girls did too. This made Finn angrier, and he shouted at everyone to shut up.

Finn turned back to look at me, angry scowl firmly planted on his face and turning him ugly, "This is your fucking fault! They're mine!"

"No one is yours, Finn," I replied, calm, belying the anger I felt rumbling underneath my skin. "People are not possessions. We choose who we want to be with. Either for sex or friendship or something deeper and more meaningful. This is no one's fault but yours, Finn. If there were even one decent bone in your body, you would apologize for your lies and the hurt you've caused. But you won't because you're nothing but a selfish bastard."

"Shut up! Shut Up! SHUT UP!" Finn screamed. "SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING FREAK!"

I nearly jumped forward to attack him but held back with the barest of threads. I decided that one last barb would send him over the edge.

"I know why you're doing this, Finn," I casually spoke. "You feel threatened by me. You've seen how both Clarke and Raven took care of me after I was stabbed. You've seen Clarke leave my hut several times. You've seen how Raven watched protectively over my things. And you've probably heard about the night I spent with Bree and Roma."

"No one got any sleep, ya bitch," some guy yelled out.

"Neither did I," I yelled back, eliciting some laughs and exclamations of shock. "But back to what I was saying. You've seen that I have grown close to them. All that makes you feel threatened. So, you're hoping that with the right provocation, I'll attack you. Probably claim that I did it for no reason except for maybe jealousy. Hoping that they'll hate me and turn to comfort you. And hoping that they won't figure out that you're playing them. That you're using them for your own gain. That they're too stupid to see that you're with both of them. That's what you want, right? That was your goal tonight, wasn't it?"

"Fuck you," Finn replied and charged at me.

I neatly sidestepped Finn as he went past. He tripped but caught himself against the dropship as I turned to face him.

"Face it, Finn," I said, taking a few steps back and noticing a shadow behind the curtain. "It's not going to work. Just tuck your tail between your legs and leave to lick your wounds. Hope that either Clarke or Raven will talk to you again. Hope that one of them forgives you and takes you back."

"Shut up," Finn yelled and came at me again.

I moved out of the way again, and this time he went sprawling to the ground. He got up and came at me a third time.

"FINN! STOP!" Raven screamed at him from the entrance, but he was too far gone to stop.

I knew I could keep doing this, but I also knew I needed to stop it. So, the next time Finn came at me, I let him connect. We went slamming into the ground, and I winced as my head connected with the dirt. I swiftly moved until I had him in a hold and pinched a nerve that rendered him unconscious. The moment he went limp, I rolled him off me, and several hands immediately stepped in to help me up. I grabbed one, and with a grimace of pain, I stood up. I thanked whoever it was, surprised to see that it was the aloof and sarcastic Murphy who had helped me.

Now that the show was over, everyone started to disperse, but Roma and Bree approached as I knelt to check on Finn.

"Babe, are you alright," Bree asked, sharing a worried look with Roma.

I smiled up at them, "I'm fine. Thank you. But, uh, you know nothings going to happen, right?"

"We know," Roma said with a smile. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay and tell you that what Bellamy did was fucked up. And also to tell you that you are a freak, but only in bed. And that Finn's wrong about you in every other regard."

"Thank you, Roma," I said, standing up with a grimace as my stomach started to hurt more. "You guys take care of each other. Alright?"

They shared another look, and both girls stepped close. First, Bree leaned in to kiss me and then Roma did the same.

"We will, Harlee," Bree replied, and they walked away.

I watched them for a moment before sighing and looking back down at Finn. Trying to figure out what to do with him.

"Just leave him there if he's still alive," Raven said as she came to stand opposite me.

"He's still alive," I replied, glancing at her. "I only pinched a nerve that knocks him out. I'm sorry you had to hear any of that. You shouldn't have had to hear about his infidelity that way."

Raven sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I thought something had been going on. I saw the looks Finn was giving Clarke. I confronted Clarke about it earlier, and she confirmed that he never talked about me. I just…I love him, Harlee."

I wanted to walk over and wrap my arms around her and comfort her, but I stayed in place.

Instead, I said, "I know you do, Raven. I know that he practically saved your life. That you consider Finn family. But what he did was wrong. He betrayed your love and trust. He betrayed that bond between you. It's up to you if you want to forgive him and try to make things work. But allow yourself time to process everything you're feeling. Don't rush into forgiveness or someone else's bed. Make sure that you leave nothing to regret. And if you're going to be angry at anyone, make sure that they deserve it. The girls he slept with, Clarke, they didn't know. He played them, and Finn would have continued to play them and you. And for Gods' sake, don't be angry at yourself. Nothing you could have done or said would have kept him loyal."

"Aren't you just full of sage advice," Raven sarcastically replied.

"Comes from reading self-help books and psychology books," I said with a shrug. "The guards on the Ark thought it would help me. Who knew it'd turn me into a sage."

"I'm not ready to forgive you, Harlee," Raven said, looking up at me.

I nodded, "I'm okay with that. I hurt you, Raven. Even though I have my reasons, it doesn't make it okay. Whenever you're ready to listen, I'll be ready to talk. If you'll excuse me, I need to find Clarke. That fall tore a couple of the stitches."

"Shit, Harlee," Raven said, taking a step towards me. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because there are more important things than me bleeding a bit," I said with a soft smile. "I wanted to make sure you were okay and that you know none of this is your fault. Just this sorry excuse for a boy's. And that no matter what happens between you and me, I will always put your needs above my own. Goodnight, Raven."

Raven stood there and blinked a few times before finally saying, "Goodnight, Harlee."

Once more, I bowed my head to her and walked away. I may not have liked what happened tonight and that it caused Raven more pain, but I felt better that it seemed that not all hope was lost. Not when it came to Raven and me.