And we're back! So, this one is a really long one but I felt like it wouldn't work being split into two chapters and I thought honestly after such a long break that y'all deserved it. Also, bear with me. Some of you might hate me for this one. I'll have an explanation for this one at the end. Welcome back? c:

CHAPTER TWENTY
Toxic Break

The first heartbreak I ever experienced came when I was thirteen. There was a boy in my class that I'd had the biggest crush on all school year. We finally decided we wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend one day and we decided that after school, Mom was going to take me to the park for a date. I got dressed up in my favorite purple dress that would usually only come out for church events. I remember feeling so excited about our date that I'd been daydreaming about for weeks. When Mom dropped me off, though, he wasn't there. I had told her to leave, that he was probably just running a couple of minutes late. After an hour, though, I knew he had ditched me. I walked the forty minutes back home, and the next day he and his friends were laughing at the fact that I had believed him. That purple dress soon got abandoned to the back of my closet and I stopped going on dates unless it was with a group.

Even though it was a silly little thing from when I was a kid, the memory still crossed my mind as I got ready for my date with Jasper. I knew Jasper would never do something like that, but the fear still lingered in my chest as I dug through my closet for the perfect outfit, something even better than that purple dress.

"Can I help with anything?" Rebecca asked, leaning against the doorframe and smiling at me in the way that adults do when they're amused by their kids.

"I don't know what to wear. What do people wear to these things?" I asked with as much exasperation as I could throw into a sentence, flopping back onto the bed.

"Well, where are you two going?"

"That's the thing, I have no idea!" I groaned. It was really sweet, Jasper planning all of this to make me happy. Still, nervousness welled up in my stomach as I thought about what to wear. What if I picked horribly wrong and made a fool out of myself? I knew Jasper wouldn't care, but I wanted to look nice for him. The closest thing to a date we've had was when we studied, but even then my hair was a wreck and I didn't care about my clothes. "I just want this to be perfect."

"You know, most first dates aren't perfect. Will and I tried to go to a movie, but all the tickets were sold out. He was insistent on taking me to a nice dinner but we hadn't made reservations beforehand so we couldn't get a seat. We ended up going downtown and getting a boat ride across the lake from this random guy. It actually ended up being more fun than the original movie and dinner plan," Rebecca told me, stepping over toward my closet. She tossed me a pair of jeans and a cute top. "Just keep an open mind and maybe he'll surprise you."

"I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about me. I have a habit of messing things up."

"Every person has a habit of messing things up, Val," Rebecca reminded me, sitting on the bed as I finally stood up to get dressed. Soon enough I was pulling on my sneakers and sitting down to do my makeup. "That's life. If everything was perfect between you two, I would be worried."

"I know, but I really want this to work. I care about Jasper, a lot."

"And you're both teenagers. Everything changes so fast when you're a teenager. He's a sweet boy, but just remember you guys have only been dating for a couple weeks. Don't try to put that kind of pressure on yourselves or it'll never work out."

"It feels like a lot longer than that."

"Sometimes it does."

It was quiet as I finished up my makeup, though Rebecca still sat with me. There weren't too many times I got to talk with just her, so I was grateful for this moment. It was moments like this one that made my heart ache for my mother, wishing that she could give me some of her sage advice just once more. If I couldn't have Mom with me, though, then Rebecca was perfect. Even when she didn't have to, the woman accepted me into her family readily and has done nothing but treat me like one of her own children; Will really did find a lovely wife. "How did you know, that Will was the one?" I asked carefully, even pausing midway to perfect my phrasing.

"The one?" Rebecca repeated slightly louder, eyes wide. "Val, you don't have to start thinking about that for a while."

"I know, I know. And I'm not saying Jasper is, but I'm just curious. You and Will are so perfect for one another, I want to know how to find that," I explained, picking at the skin around my fingers.

"Well, I guess you can just feel it when it's right," Rebecca began to explain. "When I get good news, the first person I want to tell is Will. When I get bad news, he's the one that I want to comfort me. Neither of us is perfect and we argue our fair share, but we make it work. I accept his faults because I love him, and he does the same for me."

"Thanks, Rebecca," I said as I stood to hug her, "Will's lucky to have you."

A knock sounded against the front door, and soon enough Will was shouting up to me. "Hey, Valerie, get down here! Your boyfriend's here!"

"Have fun," Rebecca told me. "Be safe, call us if you need anything, and remember imperfection is okay."

My brother seemed ready to make the same speech when I got downstairs. "I may not be her father, but don't think I won't come after you if you hurt her," Will was telling Jasper, who stood just beyond the frame of our front door.

"It's not my intention to hurt her," Jasper reassured my brother, glancing up to me where I stood partially up the stairs. "Hello, Valerie."

"Hi," I returned sheepishly, pulling a little at the sleeve of my shirt. This was all new territory for me and I definitely didn't want to mess anything up today. Who knew trying to be a normal couple could actually make me more nervous about us? "I'll be back later. I have my phone if you need me," I told Will.

"Got it. Have fun you two, be safe I mean it!" my brother called after us as I followed Jasper over to Emmett's jeep.

"I'm sorry about him," I told Jasper, sticking my hands between my knees so they would stop shaking.

"It's good he cares about you."

"Maybe. So where are we going?" I decided to ask again. After he visited me the previous night, I'd asked him a total of three times what this date would consist of. The uncertainty of it all had sent continuous spikes of adrenaline through my system.

"You're not good with secrets, are you?" Jasper hardly took his eyes off the road - unlike his brother, thankfully - though a loose smile now hung on his lips.

"I get a little antsy, I suppose."

"I haven't noticed."

"I've noticed your smartass attitude," I retort back, rolling my eyes playfully in return for one of his cheekiest smiles. "Is it gonna be one of those days?"

"Wasn't it you who said I'm attractive when I'm annoying?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not what I said."

"It's what I got from that conversation." Jasper grinned wide, this time chancing a glance at me as if to ensure I was still joking around.

"I don't know why I still talk to you."

"I do."

"Oh you do, huh? Well let's hear it, Texas," I challenged, crossing my arms over my chest. I watched him closely, knowing we were teasing each other but still curious as to what he would say.

"It's the same reason I continue talking to you," Jasper began, his voice changing to become lower, more sincere. "We're drawn together by some force unknown."

When all I could do was close my eyes and smack my head against the car's headrest, Jasper looked at me like I had gone crazy. "Valerie, what's wrong?" he asked immediately, and upon opening my eyes I found that he kept taking his eyes off the road to examine me as if trying to find some physical explanation for my behavior.

"I'm just sitting here wondering when my life became a cheesy romance novel that forty-five-year-old PTO moms read when their kids go off to school." Jasper let out a laugh at that one, loud and unfiltered in a way I'd never heard before. His shoulders melted away any lingering tension and his eyes shined in a way reminiscent of when a man sees his fiancee walking down the aisle for the first time. "I'm serious! There's me, obviously the main protagonist. Coming to a new school thinking she's all mysterious and badass but uh-oh, looks like she has a past that haunts her. In comes the romantic cowboy who has an even better mysterious, badass-y wall up but when I talk to him he's just a big sap. Straight out of a novel."

"And what comes next in this novel?" Jasper asked, his chest still rumbling from laughter.

"Well obviously you sweep the leading lady off her feet and we ride off into the sunset. The main character gets over her troubled past and the love interest learns how to show off his soft side to the world. I mean, you already have the dialogue down," I explained, sentences punctuated by my own laugh as the joy in the car becomes contagious.

"It's going to be that easy?"

"Oh, every romance novel has that one scene. You know the one where both of our pasts get in the way and if we would just talk it out everything would be okay. But you know what, maybe we already had that. Well, you did at least." The only thing that would have made our first kiss more like the movies would have been if we were in the middle of the street in the pouring rain.

"Then the worst is behind us?" Jasper probed.

"I'd like to think so." The car pulled into a familiar driveway in front of an even familiar house. Suddenly my heart began to race at the thought of what this date would consist of. "Oh please tell me we're not doing that whole 'meet the family' thing because I'm really not mentally prepared for that." Of course, I had already met the majority of his family and had been inside his house at one time. Somehow, though, meeting them as his girlfriend rather than some girl who needed saving was entirely different.

"No, no meeting the family today," Jasper promised, causing my heart to already calm down considerably. I got out of the jeep carefully, following Jasper around to the back of the house and suddenly it made sense. I remembered their backyard the most out of the day I spent there. From memory alone, I walked through the treeline to a little outcropping, to a large stone that Jasper and I had sat on and had our first moment at. It would only make sense that he brought me back here for our first date, considering that was the first moment we really began to see each other.

Jasper smiled as I rested my hand gently against the chilled stone, almost as if he knew exactly what was running through my head. "This is okay?" He asked, clearly unsure of himself.

"It's okay," I reassured him, stepping closer but pausing before I could stress him out. It was difficult to get used to, but I know that Jasper was uncomfortable when we were too close, when we touched for too long. I still had to wonder what had made him this way and my heart ached at the thought of someone hurting him so badly he couldn't trust anyone else. I wouldn't push him despite my burning desire to know what had happened if only so I could help him in some way.

Jasper took another step back from me, turning so he could grab something on the other side of our little clearing. It was a basket, a blanket folded perfectly on top of it. I watched as he took the time to spread out the blanket, to sit and open the basket before I had even moved from my spot. "Esme, my mother, put this together. We didn't know what you liked but I noticed this is something you have for lunch often," Jasper explained, and he quickly caught me off-guard by how nervous he seemed. There wasn't much that could phase Jasper Hale; I had learned that quickly from the way other students looked at him, from the way his siblings acted anytime I caught him off guard.

"This is perfect." My voice was soft, stunned by how much thought he had put into this date. It was simple, but I loved simple and classic things. I took my place on the blanket, smiling wide as I saw the little sandwiches cut diagonally. He had really taken that much care in noticing the little things, even what I eat for lunch? "I'm serious. This place, it's our own little corner so far from the rest of the world. It's just us, no pressure, just us."

"It's just us," Jasper repeated, one of those careful smiles taking on his expression.

"Well, us and your mom's food. Like I really need to marry into this family of sandwiches are this good." I thought it was cute, but Jasper gave me one of those looks like I had no idea what I was talking about, like when you're trying to break some bad news to a little kid.

"She'll be glad to hear it. She wants to impress you," Jasper admitted.

"Impress me?" I repeated, eyes wide and cheeks heating up at the thought. "If anything I should be tryin' to impress y'all, not the other way around."

"My family thinks you're a good influence."

"I am a good influence on you," I joked back, "I don't know what you'd do without me around."

"I'm not sure either." My tone was light, but his was low and so sincere it made my chest buzz. His golden eyes were staring with such intensity that I had to look away, letting out a shaky breath I wasn't aware I had held.

"Oh," I tried to return, wondering if perhaps Rebecca had been right that we were too intense for a high school couple. There's no pressure, it's just us sitting in the middle of the forest with no other human around. I found myself leaning in again and he was leaning, but all I could see were those golden eyes looking as if he wanted to absolutely devour me. My hand reached out to rest on top of his and if I didn't know better I would have thought I'd touched the stone beside us instead. It was only when I could begin to feel his breath brush against my lips that he stopped, hand tensed under mine.

"We can't." Jasper's voice was tight, strained in a way I hadn't heard since our first conversations.

"Why not?" I whispered, somehow knowing the result of this situation but still hoping he would open up to me.

"Valerie." It was a quiet warning; no, it was a plea with me. It was as if in that one word he asked, please don't ask or I might just tell you.

"Right, I'm sorry." I pulled back, slipping my hand back to rest on my lap and turning my eyes down to stare at it. My cheeks burned bright as I once again felt rejection from him.

"Valerie." Another plea, this time for me to please just understand. I hated it because I did understand. I understand in the way that I was scared for even Will to hug me after Josh's actions at homecoming. I understand in the way that even now I fear what happens when someone raises their voice toward me. I hate that I understand because it means I would be selfish and cruel to push, to be angry at him for not being ready.

"Stop saying my name like that. It's okay," I tried to reassure him, instinctually reaching out to rest my hand on his arm but thinking better of it, leaving my hand to hover awkwardly in the space between us for a moment.

"You're upset."

"I am," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders, "but I understand. I just want you to be able to trust me."

"I do trust you, Valerie," Jasper tried to answer, moving his head so he could force me to make eye contact with him. How had I managed to ruin such a perfect date he had come up with?

"Then what is it? What am I doing that's making you hold back?" Now I was confused. If he could supposedly trust me, then why was he so reserved in these moments?

"I can't tell you. I'll tell you as soon as I can, but right now," Jasper paused, reaching out slowly to take my hand in his. It was the first time he had initiated anything remotely physical since we began dating.

"It's the family secret, isn't it?" The silence was enough of an answer for me. "Right," I scoffed, suddenly tired of one little thing holding back our entire relationship.

"You said you wouldn't push."

"And I'm not, or I'm trying not to. In my defense, you never said how big this family secret was. I assumed..." I trailed off, not sure how I could possibly word what I was trying to say.

"You assumed everything would magically work out like it does in the movies?" Jasper accused, throwing my words from earlier right back at me. "I can't make things perfect for you."

"I'm not asking for perfect!" I finally lost it, ripping my hand from his and standing. "I'm asking for something, anything! It's starting to feel like this is a game to you, like you're just in this for the fuzzy feelings but you don't want to actually make this work."

"Maybe I don't want it to work." The words were harsh, sharp like a knife in my chest.

"Take it back." Silence, more silence that I just wanted to punch out of the air if I could. "Take! it! back! How could you be so cruel? You were fine an hour ago, what happened?"

Then, my back was being scraped by the rough bark of a tree. One large, cold hand was pressed to my middle, keeping me pinned to the trunk. The other had a hold on my cheek, my jaw, pressing roughly into the skin there. "You expect me to be perfect. I warned you and you didn't listen. You thought this would be like the movies, that you'll save the monster and help him escape from his own nature? I'm sorry to disappoint you." Jasper's words were cold, filled with so much anger that I had never seen him direct toward me before.

"Let me go." My voice was shaky and suddenly it wasn't a tree cutting into my back but the cold metal of high school lockers. It wasn't Jasper's strong hand on my waist but Josh's on my thigh, daring me to scream for help. Just like at homecoming, there was no one around who would see this. "This isn't you!"

"Isn't it? What did I tell you from the very beginning? I'm dangerous. You chose not to listen."

"You're not. You're doing this on purpose, Jasper. You're trying to push me away before things get too tough but I'm not going to let you," I tried, not fighting against his threatening hands.

"This was a mistake. You have no idea what you do to me, Valerie. If you just keep pushing, this is what you'll get," Jasper warned, face pulled into an expression of not just anger but pain too. It gave me hope; he didn't want this to be happening. "I'm a hunter, this is what I do."

I was suddenly thrown back into that cold, dark alleyway in California. I intend to play with you a little while. I'm the hunter, you're the prey. That man had seemed invincible, and yet he had been scared off by Jasper. Now they were saying the same things? Though Jasper's eyes weren't red like the other man's, the golden hue had melted into mostly black. At that moment, I believed him when he said he was dangerous.

"You're supposed to be scared of me," Jasper growled, though his hands never squeezed tighter against me. "Why aren't you scared?"

"If you wanted to kill me you would have already," I challenged. "Do it, if you want. But I don't think you really do. I think you're trying to make me scared. I think you won't tell me what's going on because you're scared I'll run away because of who you are. You'd much rather make me run away before that happens."

"Stop," Jasper growled, this time tightening his hold on my jaw. "What human isn't afraid of death?"

"So you're not human," I pointed out, for some reason unbeknownst to my brain trying to rile him up. Perhaps I was truly curious to see if he would actually hurt me; if I had wasted my time with him. "Then what are you? What's so bad that you can't tell me?"

"You haven't figured it out?" Jasper laughed then, a cold laugh, so unlike the one that sounded through the jeep earlier that day. "Even Bella Swan has already figured it out."

"You told me you were glad I wasn't like Bella Swan."

"I am. I don't want you to know."

"Well, here we are," I sighed, not daring to look away from his face.

"Here we are."

"I deserve to know," I tried again, hoping that continuing to push Jasper was the right choice. "I can't forgive this without an explanation."

"Perhaps you shouldn't forgive this."

"Stop saying stuff like that," I demanded, now daring to reach up and push his hands off of me. I knew he was much stronger than me but still he yielded, though didn't back up, leaving me standing with my back to that same tree. "You're intentionally lighting us up in flames."

"This isn't healthy for you."

"I've never had healthy, I think if I did I'd find it boring."

"You deserve better than me."

"You don't get to tell me what I deserve," I snapped, shaking my head. "I've had men telling me what I deserve for too long now. Don't I get a say in any of it?"

"You'd be making a blind decision."

"Then tell me, damn it!" I finally screamed, reaching out and pushing his chest, though he didn't even move despite my full force pushing at him. "Just tell me! I can't keep blindly following you like this, hoping that one day you'll let me in!" By now the floodgates had opened and tears were streaming continuously from my eyes. It became difficult to see Jasper clearly, to make out his expression. "I want to but I can't keep up with you. One second you're the sweetest guy and you're talking about how you were drawn to me or some shit, and the next you have your hand at my throat and you're threatening to hurt me? I told you I would be patient, but I deserve some basic human respect. I deserve for you to put some kind of effort in."

"You think I haven't put effort into this?" Jasper asked and even through the film of tears I could make out a wide-eyed look of incredulity. "Being near you is the most painful thing I've experienced in my long life, I have put so much effort in."

I heard it before I registered what had happened. Pain blossomed through my palm as I realized that I had slapped him in the face. Jasper didn't even respond, just staring at me as if it hadn't even phased him. "I'll make it easy for you then. If it's so painful for you, then don't come near me."

"Valerie-" Jasper began, reaching out and grabbing my wrist as I turned to walk away. In stark contrast to just moments before, his touch was feather-like against my skin.

"You don't get to say anything else to me. I'm sorry this experience was so painful for you," I snapped, ripping my hand away and starting to walk away. "I'm sorry I hit you. No one deserves to be hurt like that."

I hated that I had to run past the Cullen house to get back. Jasper had driven me there, so it looked like I would be walking back. I knew I could call Will, but honestly, I didn't feel like explaining this to anyone. No, no one would hear about how we broke up. I felt stupid. Everyone had told me to watch out for Jasper Hale; they said the Cullens really were a problem. Even Jasper himself had warned me to not get close to him. I barrelled past all the warnings, could I really be surprised and hurt by the result? No, I didn't deserve to feel as heartbroken as I did.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" a familiar kind voice called out to me. Hands were grabbing at my upper arms and the chill of it made me flinch, fighting to get out of their grip.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, panicked that Jasper had come back to finish what he'd started when he realized his game was ruined.

"Valerie, Valerie calm down," the voice continued, hands not letting go. "Did he hurt you? Valerie, did he hurt you?" A sob slipped from my lips as all the fight left my body. The voice pulled me to them, holding me tightly. It was then I was able to tell who was speaking to me. Only one person was large enough to engulf me like I was nothing and yet still give off the gentlest vibes.

"Emmett," I gasped, clinging to his shirt as I tried to shake the tears away.

"What happened?" Emmett was looking over me with worry. "I don't see any blood." There was so much relief in his tone that it only panicked me more. Why would there be blood?

"He threatened to hurt me, k-kill me," I choked out.

"Why would he do that? I thought you were on a date, what happened?"

"I-I don't know, Emmett, I don't know what I did wrong."

His hands pulled me off his chest, gripping me a little tighter then. He stood in silence until I tilted my head up to make eye contact. "Valerie Dryden, I can promise you that you did nothing wrong."

"He's been stringing me along this whole time. He, he said that being with me is the most painful thing he's ever experienced. Who says that to people?" My voice was still wet with tears though they had begun to slow considerably. "We were so happy. We were talking and laughing and then we almost kissed and...and everything just keeps coming back to this damn family secret that he just can't tell me. He said if I kept pushing him about it, that he'd end up hurting me. Killing me." Another sob slipped out at the thought that he could really do something like that.

A noise escaped from Emmett along with a hiss of "That idiot."

"Emmett?"

"This is not on you."

"Bella knows. Bella knows and Edward doesn't treat her like this. I've seen the way he looks at her like she's his whole world. What is so wrong with me that I can't know? What part of me isn't good enough for Jasper?" The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, and suddenly I feel guilty for talking about this to Jasper's brother.

"Can I take you for a drive?" Emmett asked suddenly, almost as though he hadn't heard a single word I'd said.

"Em, I appreciate it but I kinda just want to sleep this off," I sighed, hand tracing the skin of my jaw that Jasper had held so tightly.

"This is important," he insisted to which I finally nodded, figuring I would hear what he had to say. I couldn't imagine anything justifying anything that had just happened, but I would hear Emmett out. He guided me to his jeep to which I couldn't help but wince. Jasper and I were so happy on the car ride over here, then somewhere along the way, we got tangled up.

The car ride was absolutely silent. Emmett drove just as fast as he had before and the wind dried the tears on my face almost instantly. He would flick his eyes over to check on me every few seconds as if making sure I wouldn't burst into tears again.

We ended up at the far edge of town. The jeep was parked at the start of a long hiking trail through the mountains, but Emmett was making no move to get out of the car. After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke up. "We all swore to Jasper we wouldn't tell you."

More silence. It took a while, but finally, I realized what he was getting at. "Then why are you gonna tell me?"

"Because he's an idiot who's ruining something good. And you're my closest friend outside of this family, there's no way I'd let you go thinking all of this was your fault. You deserve an explanation," Emmett said.

"I don't know if I can forgive him."

Silence. I was getting used to the silence when Emmett finally answered. "You don't have to, but it's only right that you hear the reasoning behind why he's acted as he has."

"Okay. Shoot."

"This is...a delicate conversation to have. I've never done this before, so I'm sorry if I mess up along the way. All you have to do is promise me that you won't tell anyone else. You don't have to ever see Jasper again, but please don't use this against him, against us." I had never seen such a serious expression on Emmett's face. Honestly, it sent fear straight down my spine.

"I would never do something to hurt your family intentionally. I'm not that kind of person," I tried to reassure Emmett, wondering just how bad this secret could be. "I promise."

"Okay," Emmett sighed, running a hand harshly through his hair. "You know we don't age."

"I do. Jasper said he didn't know why."

"Have you ever seen any of us eat?"

"No, Jasper said something about you all were weird about eating in public." Emmett could help but let out a small laugh at that one.

"Well, not wrong. I wouldn't eat in public," Emmett answered, his familiar lightheartedness coming back into the conversation before it became serious again. "Our diet is a little different than a normal person's."

"Can you please just tell me?" I finally sighed, not understanding why he was dragging this out so much.

More silence. Damn that silence. "We're vampires, Valerie. We need blood to survive."

"Do you think this is funny?" I spat out, staring at him with as much hurt as I could mix into one expression.

"What do you mean?"

"This, this game y'all are playing. Do you find it cute to make me like you guys then say cruel things to me and then give me some bullshit explanation? How dare you treat me like I'm an idiot."

"Valerie, it's the truth. He could've explained it better, but the reason he finds it difficult to be around you is that he...desires your blood."

"Screw you, Emmett Cullen."

"I mean it! We're all stronger than humans, we run faster, we're virtually indestructible. My family, we only feed off of animals but it's not as satisfying. We try to control ourselves, but it's harder for Jasper. You're his mate, Valerie, so it's harder for him to be around your blood. When you see your mate for the first time, you immediately love them. Typically, they're already one of us. It wasn't like that for you and him. It makes it hard, almost impossible for him," Emmett explained quickly as if I would walk away before he could finish. Honestly, I had considered it.

"Prove it. Bite me," I demanded, crossing my arms and staring at him with a triumphant look. I would call him on his bluff and prove he was just trying to rub it in more that his brother was a cruel bastard.

"I can't. I wouldn't stop, and even if I did, the venom would turn you," Emmett answered.

"How convenient. You still have to prove it to me." How could someone believe something like this?

"How?"

"Answer my questions." I took his silence as an agreement to my terms. "You said 'mate'. What..what does that mean to you? You said I was Jasper's," a pause as I considered the word in my mouth. Somehow using the word to describe me didn't leave a warm feeling in my stomach. Rather, it made me feel more like one of Jasper's possessions. "You know. What does that entail?"

"Every vampire has someone who is their perfect match. You know it as soon as you see them. It's like the whole world turns around and suddenly you can't imagine ever living without them. You're drawn to them, you can't stay away for long," Emmett explained and suddenly I'm taken back to when Jasper had used almost that same wording to describe us.

"If Jasper and I are supposedly..." No, I couldn't say it aloud, not yet. "How come I didn't feel any of that?"

"I'm not the best person to ask. Rosalie was already a vampire when I met her; she was the one who saved me, turned me. I have to guess it's more muted for humans. Can you say you really felt indifferent toward him?" It was a tough question. Especially now it was tough to think back on how I thought of Jasper.

He was irritating, for starters. Jasper was cruel to me from the very beginning; pushing me away and treating me like I was absolutely disgusting. Normally I would've cut him out of my life immediately. Instead, I'd continued trying to talk to him. I'd even still felt something for him. Definitely not love, maybe not even attraction, but something that kept bringing me to him. "I guess there was something."

"Well, there it is then."

"So that's just it? I'm his...mate," I spat the word out as if my body was physically rejecting it, "and that's the end of it? I don't have a choice but to be with him?"

"You always have a choice, Valerie," Emmett said, this time turning to fully face me. "You don't have to stay with him just because of the word. Some say that mates don't have to love each other romantically, that it can be a platonic love for one another."

"And what do you believe?" I asked curiously.

"I think that there's a lot about the world that I still don't know. Just because Rosalie and I are meant to love each other as partners doesn't mean everyone else is."

"You said it's harder for him. Why?" I asked, suddenly shifting topics because the idea of mates and love was almost too overwhelming at the moment. My head had begun to sting trying to process all of the information being thrown at me.

"It's not my story to tell, Valerie," Emmett began in warning, "But I will say that Jasper joined us later. All of us were created and immediately brought into what we call vegetarianism, or just drinking animal blood, except for Jasper. He's lived the longest out of any of us, except for Carlisle, and he spent almost that entire time hunting humans. He's doing the best he can, but it's hard to fight that instinct when it's been ingrained that heavily into you."

"So it's not his fault that he acts the way he does?" I asked, suddenly feeling skeptical of the talk Emmett was giving me.

"I'm not saying that. He's going to have to own up to how he's treated you, especially today. Think about his position, though, for a second. Jasper is in physical pain any time he's too close to humans, it's hard to restrain yourself even for those of us who have done it all of our second lives. Then he finds a human whose blood calls to him more than anyone else's does. Not only that, but that human is his mate. He took one look at you and loved you, whether that be romantically or whatever you want to believe it is. He loves you, and anytime he's too close to you, he gets the urge to hurt you. That's a lot to deal with," Emmett explained and I found myself wondering if he had been telling the truth when he said he'd never done this before. The man had a way with words that I was sure most people didn't care to realize.

"Why couldn't he have just told me this?" I asked, growing angry again at how evasive Jasper had been. "I would have understood, I wouldn't have pushed and demanded he act a certain way with me."

"Once you know, there's no taking that back. Once you know, the world becomes a thousand times more dangerous. He's a better person than how he treated you today. I'm sure he's disgusted with himself for it and if you choose to talk to him again, he'll do anything to make it up to you."

"I'm still not sure I believe you," I tell him, staring down at my hands folded and shaking in my lap.

"It's a lot to take in," Emmett admitted. "When I woke up after being turned, it took me a whole week to believe what I'd become."

"Did Rosalie turn you? Because you're her mate?" I asked, unsure if he would open up to me about it but figuring it couldn't hurt to ask. If I stayed involved, would it be expected that Jasper would turn me as well?

"Carlisle did. I was attacked by a bear, I was going to die and Rosalie found me. She carried me for miles so Carlisle could turn me. She did that because yeah, I was her mate and she knew that. Carlisle only turned me because I was dying. It's part of this moral code that he lives by. He only changes people who would die if they weren't, he thinks that human lives should be protected," Emmett explained, practically already knowing where I was going with that question. "It would make things easier if you were turned. It would never be demanded of you, though. If you want to stay human and live a normal human life, then we would never take that choice away from you."

More silence. This time though, it was appreciated. "How're you doing, Val?" Emmett asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry as he watched me.

"My head hurts. This is a lot of information to take in and I still don't know what to do," I admitted. Jasper had done things that I never would have forgiven before. He'd said things that cut to my core and hurt me in ways no one else had before. Still, looking deep down I found that I didn't hate him. I was angry at him, beyond furious for daring to disrespect me in the way he did, but I didn't hate him.

"Take some time. Think things through, ask more questions if you have them, and just know that I will be your friend regardless of what you decide about Jasper," Emmett promised, reaching forward to give me one of those giant bear hugs that I loved so much.

"I think you're one of the best friends I've ever had."

"Obviously," Emmett laughed. "Are you good to go home now?"

"Yeah, yeah I am." It was in the middle of our car ride home that I realized what I'd done earlier. "Oh my God, I'm stupid."

"What is it this time?" Emmett asked curiously, glancing over at where I sat.

"Jasper's a vampire and I tried to call his bluff. He said he'd kill me and I told him to do it."

"Valerie Dryden!"

"I thought he was being dramatic, okay? I didn't think he'd actually be capable of doing it."

"You two really are perfect for each other. Both of you are damned idiots," Emmett sighed, rolling his golden eyes at my antics.

Um, so, yeah. Here we are. I want to clarify that I do hate how Jasper treated Valerie and you better believe it's going to come up and he will be held accountable for it. Still, I thought that it was realistic for the situation they were in. The fact of the matter is that there is a toxic power dynamic between the two right now, and there will be as long as Val is a human. Though I want to write it that they overcome that, it will be a learning curve. It was easier for Edward because he had some of the best self-control of the Cullens. Jasper, canonically, as some of the worst and while I did make it a little better I still wanted to show that he's different from Edward, that this is going to be hard for them. I also see Jasper and Valerie as two highly emotional beings and they tend to hold things back until it just kind of...explodes. The two were desperate to have such a normal, typical relationship that they refused to acknowledge anything that wasn't remotely "typical". It had to come out sooner or later. I also wanted to show some deeper elements to this story. Valerie is able to recognize when a situation is toxic to her, but she's also been affected a lot by past tragedies (which we're not done exploring!) so her behavior is going to be different from a "typical" person and I wanted to show that. I really hated how in the books Edward was treated like this perfect man who could never do anything wrong. I had Jasper do this not only because it made sense for his situation but also to show that they're not perfect. After so long being a vampire, it's easy to lose touch with what it's like being a human and I wanted to showcase that. Jasper WILL learn from this and you better believe he would never dare treat Valerie like this ever again.

I also could never see Jasper willingly telling Valerie. He's already so ashamed of being a vampire and not being able to control himself that there's no way he would admit it to her. I've had several drafts of this story and in each one major plot points have changed. In each one though, it was always Emmett telling Valerie. And no, Emmett does not have any romantic feelings for her; he is still wildly head over heels for Rosalie. Instead, he sees her as a little sister. He wants to protect her and he loves Jasper too. Those two are clearly close too, so he can see that Valerie is going to be really good for Jasper once he can get over his control issues. Emmett is like their biggest fan, so yeah he goes against Jasper's wishes and tells Valerie if only so Valerie understands and can make an informed decision on whether or not she will forgive Jasper. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully, things go back to normal as my life is beginning to normalize in the wake of this pandemic. I just moved into my first college apartment and my last year of undergrad is about to begin, so it will be interesting. Still, the pandemic has ruined most of my social/professional activities, so I have more time to write now! Good news! Anyway, as always review responses will be down below. I would love to hear your feedback on this chapter, especially since it was a big one! (I mean c'mon, did you really think it would just be perfect forever? It's so early in the story!) Please let me know what you thought and I will see you in the next one! Thanks for reading!

Nikki - Chaos: I'm glad you agree about Laurie! She adds so much necessary joy to this story and for purely selfish reasons I have a lot of fun writing her so she stays. Your review of the little extra thing I posted yesterday made me smile so much. Like, thank you for keeping up with this story and continuing to have faith in these characters.

Ghostwriter71: I really love reading your reviews! You always provide such great feedback. I definitely wanted Val to be different from Bella, but also have her own separate faults as well (and she has plenty of those). I also agree that it definitely wouldn't have been good for Jasper to kill her, but that boy be going through a lot, ya know? Thank you so much for continuing to read and let me know what you think. It really does mean so much to hear that you like my writing style, it's something that I'm really super insecure about.

Lady-Finwe: It wasn't soon, but we got there. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Phoenix-Rising29: Hello, again! Thanks so much for the patience, it really has been a difficult few months for me personally. I absolutely wanted to take the last chapter to show the good parts of their relationship, especially because I knew this was coming. . But never to fear, this is not how they end! I'm glad you like the direction I'm taking with Jasper. That was one of my initial main motivators in writing this story. I really wanted to flesh out Jasper's character in a way that never happened in the original books, so I'm really glad you find it interesting. Also, I love Hannah too ;)

NorthWest9: Ooh, thank you so much it means so much to hear that! Thanks for reading and taking the time to review!

Guest: I'm so glad you like the flashbacks about Jasper! More to come! Also, I'm sorry about how the date worked out. More fluff in the future?

chellekathrynnn: I appreciate you letting me know! My original idea for this story included several chapters solely from Jasper's POV, but that quickly got scrapped as I realized not everyone would enjoy two very different POVs in one story. I still found it interesting though, which is why I've decided to post these one-shots in a separate work on here. You absolutely are not required to read it to continue to enjoy Saving Valerie, it's just a little extra thing for people who do happen to be interested too. Thanks so much for reviewing and seriously I mean it when I say thanks for the feedback.

TaTa B-P: Thanks so much! I'm serious, your review made me so happy! I really do appreciate your patience because man is life chaotic sometimes. Thank you for your support and I hope you liked this one. c: