Chapter 27:Just another notch in your belt

Hello! Well, there is only one more chapter left and we come to the end of this story, but for now... let's see what happens the morning after...

Sabrina slowly opened her eyes trying to adapt her vision to the daylight that filled the room, she rolled onto her back and then, the reality of what had happened the night before hit her like a ton of bricks.

Nick slept peacefully beside her oblivious to the storm of feelings inside her.

She sat on the bed, one hand holding the sheet against her chest, the other in her head. Sabrina was ready to run away before he woke up when she noticed it.

In the darkness of the night she hadn't noticed the slightly greenish-yellow bruise in his left eye or the bruises in his ribs, more out of instinct than anything else she reached out to touch him.

And that was the moment he opened his eyes.

"Hi" he muttered in a rather sleepy voice.

She didn't know what to say to him, suddenly ashamed of her actions from the previous night. The imagines of what had happened between them, of the way he had kissed her, touched her, started to repeat on her mind with great clarity despite the alcohol she had drunk. She was beginning to feel a slight headache but not because of the drinks from the previous night.

How should you act after having sex with your ex in a fit of temporary insanity?

Especially when your feelings for him were still there. Floating in the air between them making it heavy.

"What happened to you?" she asked in a low voice as she withdrew her hand.

"This?" Nick said indicating his eye, she nodded "It was a gift from your cousin"

"Ambrose… did that to you?"

Nick shrugged trying to downplay the whole situation.

But it hurt him, not only physically, although Ambrose had a really good right hook. It hurt him emotionally too, he was the only person, apart from Prudence, he could consider a friend and now he hated him.

But Ambrose had warned him. And he had done the only thing his friend had asked him not to do.

He had harmed Sabrina. Nick deserved more than a blow for that.

"It's fine" he reached out and stroked her cheek. She didn't pull away but trembled under his touch. His finger followed the line of her lips.

Nick took it as a good signal and moved to get closer to her but she pulled back as far as the bed allowed her.

"Don't," she said shaking her head "don't do it"

"Sabrina… what happens?" Nick asked confused.

"I should go" Sabrina replied, she got up rolling one of the sheets of the bed around her while looking for her clothes, she blushed seeing how they were scattered around the floor "This was a mistake, Nick" she muttered before going to the bathroom to get dressed.

Sabrina dressed quickly. She wet her face with cold water trying to calm the heat of her cheeks, with her hands at each side of the sink she looked at herself on the mirror. Her hair was a mess and she remembered how Nick's hands had been on it. How he had kissed her.

Her heart started to beat faster with the memories.

She took a hand to her lips and sighed. It had been a mistake. A big, huge, mistake.

When she left the bathroom Nick was waiting for her.

"Sabrina, I think we need to talk… about what happened last night"

There was nothing she feared more at the moment. She shook her head denying.

"Last night I drank too much" she knew it was a lame excuse but she tried anyway "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… Look, Nick, it didn't mean anything, ok?"

Nick's face drained of color.

"It didn't mean anything? That's all you have to say?" he asked her "You have sex with me but it didn't mean anything?"

Sabrina looked at the ceiling and sighed.

"What am I to you, Sabrina?" he asked with a weak voice.

"It was a mistake, Nick" she insisted "It was a mistake… I didn't think, I just…"

"A mistake? Something that didn't mean anything?" his voice grew louder "What am I to you, Sabrina?" Nick insisted although his mind was beginning to formulate a clear idea of the answer she would give him. He didn't like it "I'm a kind of… toy to you? Something you can use when you want and discard later?"

"Nick," she was furious now "don't try to act offended with me when you…"

"In the end, I'm the one who was just another notch in your belt, right?" he was furious but also sad. He felt used. Dirty.

"Nick… don't you dare" she warned him.

But he didn't listen to her.

"I didn't cheat on you" he interrupted her, furious, hurt. Sabrina raised an eyebrow at him "Amalia, the woman you saw in the photo, she kissed me against my will"

"Oh, please…" Sabrina rolled her eyes.

"She is… part of my past. I should have talked to you about her but…" Nick hesitated "I was weak, Sabrina, I was afraid, afraid that your opinion of me would change when you knew what I had done"

"What you had done, Nick?" she felt her anger begin to dissolve at seen him so vulnerable. So broken.

"She and I had a sort of relationship, if you can call it that. I was with her and she in return… helped me" he admitted with downcast eyes "I was a kind of whore to her. Her toy boy"

"Nick, don't say that" she shook her head "you are not that"

Her heart hurt for him but still she felt unable of forgive him. Not yet.

"It's the truth, Sabrina. At first, it was small gifts, I was young and impressionable and I fell into her nets without notice it. I already told you that I hadn't met many kind adults at the time, and she was kind to me"

"How young were you when…?" she was unable to say it "when you…"

"I was sixteen when everything started," Nick told her "At first, I didn't see anything wrong with what was going on, but when I got older and wanted to start dating girls of my age she became extremely jealous. I tried to leave her, to stop what was going on between us but she always found a way for me to come back to her… until I met you, Sabrina. At first you only interested me to... have a good time" he said with a sneer at himself "but that night at Ambrose's, when you sang, you remember? I think that was the night I started falling in love with you"

"Nick..." she muttered under her breath.

"I swear you I ended all ties with her when you said yes to me" he said and she saw sincerity in his eyes "Although she didn't understand it at first, she called me every day trying to get me to come back to her, but suddenly she stopped doing it, I thought she understood but a few weeks ago she called me again, I didn't want to have anything to do with her again but she... she threatened to do something to you if I didn't see her. That's why I accepted and you know how everything ended"

"Why, Nick? Why you didn't tell me? Why did you lie to me?"

Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I was afraid, Sabrina" he said and she saw his fear "I was afraid you would feel disgust, of what I did, what I was"

Sabrina sighed, her whole being wanted to approach to him and hug him, erase the sadness of his face.

She clenched her fists tightly to avoid doing so.

"Don't you realize what you did to us? Oh, Nick…"

"Please forgive me" Nick asked, he stepped towards her but Sabrina backed away.

He stopped.

"I don't think I can ever trust you again, Nick"

Sabrina shook her head. Too many emotions began to cloud her sense and if he got closer to her she didn't know if she would be able to resist him.

"I'd better go" she muttered before heading towards the door. He didn't follow her.

And she appreciated it.

Ambrose was lying in his couch enjoying his morning coffee when someone knocked on his door. He frowned, curious about who could be, his friends certainly weren't known for being early risers.

He was surprised to find Sabrina when he opened. She had a determined look on her face. Ambrose raised an eyebrow after looking what she was wearing.

"Don't you think it's little early to party, cousin?" he said by way of greeting, Sabrina rolled her eyes at him.

"Why did you do it, Ambrose?" she asked as she entered his apartment "Why?"

He closed the door and motioned to Sabrina to take a seat but she ignored him and remained standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips and a defiant look in her eyes. Ambrose looked at her, not quite understanding what was happening.

"Why are you acting as if you were five-years-old again, cousin?" he asked her. Ambrose knew she was angry, her posture told him so. And above all, he knew her well enough to detect the fury that boiled under her not-so-calm surface.

"Don't play dumb, do you want Ambrose?"

"Wait, wait, why are you talking to me like this?"

Sabrina looked at him straight in the eyes. He saw fury in there.

"Why did you punch Nick?" she snapped at him. She was angry, even though she knew she had no right to feel in that way. Nick and she were nothing… and still…

She still loved him. The realization left her momentarily breathless.

Ambrose looked at her confused.

"He deserved it" he replied "After what he did to you… I told him that if he hurt you he was dead man," he stopped to look at her "maybe I should have killed him"

"Ambrose!" Sabrina exclaimed, she was outraged and scared at the same time.

"Why you didn't tell me what he did to you?"

Sabrina was silent.

"Why I have to find out from other people about the things that happen to you, Sabrina?" Ambrose insisted, he was outraged too. It hurt him that she didn't trust him enough to tell him what had happened "Don't you trust me?"

"It's not… Ambrose, what happened between Nick and me it's none of your business"

"Hey! Don't be mad at me, he was the one who…"

"Don't say it" she interrupted him "Don't say it please"

"Sabrina…" Ambrose's voice had a note of compassion. He could see she was hurt.

"It's none of your business" she repeated trying to act brave even when he knew her better.

"Fine," he said "but answer me something first"

"What?"

"How did you know I beat him up?"

Sabrina eyes widened and her face flushed completely. She tried to look anywhere other than her cousin's face. She felt as if what she had done were written all over her face.

"Sabrina?" Ambrose insisted.

She shrugged.

"I just knew it"

"Don't lie to me… you're hiding something" this time Ambrose's eyes widened "Wait, don't tell me that you… Oh, no, Sabrina, please tell me you didn't do something stupid"

"I don't know what are you talking about" she replied without looking at his face.

"Sabrina!" he exclaimed making her jump "where did you spend the night?" he asked suddenly "Prudence call me because you weren't at the dorm"

"There is something about my life that Prudence doesn't tell you?"

"Don't try to change the subject"'

"Ambrose, my life is none of your business, ok? I don't want you to get involved in my life anymore. It's my problem, I'll see how I'll solve it"

"It is my business when you start doing stupid things!" he said raising his voice too. That only infuriated her even more.

"I didn't do anything stupid!" she replied even though she knew it wasn't true. She had done something really stupid.

"Why do you defend him so much?" Sabrina was confused by Ambrose sudden question "After what he did to you I thought you would appreciate knowing that…"

"I'm not a damsel in distress so you don't have to go around defending my virtue, Ambrose!" she interrupted him.

Sabrina was gasping, she was mad at her cousin for meddling in her life but she was even more angry at herself.

Because deep down she knew she still loved Nick and she shouldn't.

"Ambrose…" she sighed suddenly embarrassed by her child-like attitude. She knew Ambrose didn't mean to meddle, he only cared about her "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to you like that…"

Ambrose was breathing heavy too.

"No, no, you're right, cousin. I shouldn't intrude in your life… You're an adult, you can make your own decisions"

"Ambrose…" her voice broke, her anger suddenly gone "I'm sorry"

"Sabrina, I just don't want to see you hurt"

"I know. Oh, Ambrose, I don't know what to do" she admitted.

"What do you mean?"

Sabrina sighed, she walked towards the couch and he followed her.

"He didn't cheat on me, he told me what really happened"

"And you believe him?" his cousin asked incredulous. She nodded "Damn it, Sabrina, how can you be so naïve?"

"He told me the truth, Ambrose. I know"

"And what are you going to do? Go back to him as if nothing had happened?"

She shook her head denying.

"I don't think I can trust him again" she said with her head down "I love him, Ambrose, but… I don't trust him. Not anymore"

"I'm so sorry, Sabrina"

Sabrina shook her head. She had gone from anger to sadness. But she had told her cousin the truth, she knew that she loved Nick with every particle of her being but he had hurt her. He had lied to her.

And she didn't know if they could ever return to what they were.

Even if she really wanted to.

Ambrose approached her and gave her a hug, she was comforted by her cousin's arms.

"What I'm going to do, Ambrose?" she asked with her head buried in his chest.

"Shh…" he caressed her hair "Don't think about it now, you're going to get through this. I know you will"

I don't think I can ever trust you again, Nick.

Sabrina's words kept echoing in his mind even after she was long gone.

He continued standing in the middle of his living room, repeating her words in his mind.

Hearing her voice again.

Telling him that what had happened between them last night was a mistake.

Nick emerged from his state of self-absorption and strode towards the kitchen, he opened the cupboard looking for the bottle of bourbon he knew was there. He took a glass too and carried it to the living room.

He sat down on the couch, opened the bottle and poured himself a drink.

Nick drank it in one gulp.

Despite having taking a weight off his back telling the truth to Sabrina about what had happened with Amalia Nick still felt an emptiness knowing that he had lost her.

Maybe forever.

I don't think I can ever trust you again, Nick.

Nick poured himself another drink. He raised the glass and stared at the amber liquid against the daylight that entered through the window. Memories of the night before floated in his mind.

He was sure she still had feelings for him.

Because despite what she had said, he knew she hadn't sought him just for sex. Sabrina was not like that.

But she no longer trusted him.

And that was exclusively his fault.

If he only had trusted her, if he had told her the truth from the beginning. But he was a coward and now he was paying the consequences.

He had lost the love of his life because of his own insecurities.

Nick raised the glass to his lips.

He had lost Sabrina. Maybe forever.

He had lied and now he was alone. He had lost her. He had lost his friend. A bitter smile settled on his lips.

Alcohol would give him a few hours of sweet oblivion but what was left after the effects wear off?

Nothing.

Getting drunk wasn't the solution and he was smart enough to know it.

He put the glass down on the table. He couldn't keep doing that to himself. He was not going to get anything good if he continued down that path of self-destruction.

Nick closed his eyes and leaned his head back in the couch. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Sabrina, her bright brown eyes, her fair skin, her platinum hair and red lips.

He groaned, he needed her back in his life as much as he needed the air to breath.

It was a warm spring afternoon, the sun was high and a warm breeze moved the leaves of the trees around the campus. The flowers surrounding some of the buildings began to bloom. It was on that day, just over a week after their discussion in Nick's apartment, when she saw him again for the first time.

Sabrina was climbing the stairs to enter the library while Nick was coming out of it. They both stopped in the middle of the stairs.

"Hi," she said a bit uncomfortable.

"Hi" he replied back, neither of them looked directly into the other eyes unsure about how to act around the other after everything that had happened between them "How are you?"

"Good, and you?"

Nick nodded.

"As well as I can"

"Nick..."

"Sabrina, do you think we can talk a little?" Nick asked her, this time he was looking at her face and she looked at him unable to resist the weight of his gaze.

Sabrina sighed before nodding, she pointed to one of the benches outside the library. Walking over there, their shoulders brushed and she held her breath for a few seconds. They took a seat leaving a distance of a few centimeters between them.

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Sabrina sighed again.

"I'm sorry" she said suddenly, Nick looked at her without understanding what she wanted to say "I should have listened you"

"You don't have to apologize, Sabrina, I should have told you the truth from the beginning, but I already told you, I was afraid"

"Afraid of what?"

"About what you would feel... I don't know, disgust for what I had done"

She resisted the urge to take his hand and caress it.

"You were just a boy" she said in a whisper "she was the one who took advantage of you."

"Could you forgive me?" Nick asked him. She nodded. He felt the hope nest in his chest and Sabrina saw it in his eyes, she shook her head denying this time.

"I don't think we can ever be what we were, Nick"

He let the air out of his lungs suddenly exhausted.

"Do you think we can at least try to be... friends?"

Sabrina nibbled on her lower lip. Being friends with Nick would be difficult, especially with the whole story between them and all the feelings that hung in the air around them. She could feel the tension, the need to touch him, she clenched her fists tightly to not to do something she later regretted.

"You hurt me, Nick" she said sincerely "And I don't know if I can be your friend"

Nick was disappointed. He had ruined everything because he had been unable to tell the truth.

For being unable to trust her.

"You didn't trust me. You weren't honest with me. And friends need to be honest with each other" Sabrina added.

"I'm sorry" he insisted, he leaned his head back for an instant "But Sabrina... I don't think I can go on without having you in my life" Nick confessed "Please..."

She knew that being friends would be risky for her heart. But he seemed so defeated and... sincere. She wanted to kiss him and tell him that everything would be alright but she knew she shouldn't.

She couldn't trust him. And she also couldn't trust in herself when she was around him.

The other night was a clear example of that. And she knew that she would end up falling for him again if she stayed close, she had to be strong, get away from him and move on with her life even if it broke her heart.

"I'm sorry, Nick. But I don't think I can be your friend." she repeated before standing up and walking away from there. From him.

She thought that she had done difficult things in her life but walking away at that moment did not compare to anything she had experienced before.

But it was necessary. She had to protect her heart.