AN: Moonjumper has a plan to make him and Snatcher better prepared for the challenges of fatherhood! If only he had warned certain people first...
AFTER AN ETERNITY OF BEING AWOL, I RISE FROM THE ASHES! LET'S GET THIS BREAD!
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Snatcher hummed softly as he flipped through his law book, eyes skimming the pages as he relaxed in his chair. Christine was out chatting with his subjects and both Hat Kid and Mu were spending time on the kiddo's spaceship. Apparently Hat Kid wanted to introduce her new cousin to some rather... out of this world cuisine, which Mu had been all too curious to try.
Which gave the shadow some time to himself, finally. While he certainly enjoyed spending time with his newly gained family, especially if it involved causing chaos or messing with people, it was a rather odd change after having been alone for so long, so he welcomed the silence and chance to focus on reading.
Yes, this was going to be a perfect, peaceful day with no interruptions what so ever-
SLAM!
Snatcher yelped at the loud sound of something smacking against the side of the tree. He jolted upright, throwing his book into the air in the process, and turned to glare at whoever had decided to disturb him-
It was Moonjumper, of course.
"Arise Snatcher, I have the best of plans for today!" The corpse cheerfully announced as he floated towards the disgruntled shadow. "We have a mission to accomplish while the children are away-"
"No thanks, Moonboy!" He scoffed, catching his book just before it hit the floor. "I am ready for some peace and quiet! And stop rhyming! You're enough of a weirdo as is."
"But Snatcher, I thought you enjoyed hijinks and shenanigans!" Moonjumper cried, catching the shadow's attention.
"Are you going to be causing hijinks and shenanigans?"
"Well, no, but I-"
"NOT INTERESTED, GET OUT!" And with that Snatcher buried his face back in his book once more.
The corpse crossed his arms and looked off to the side, a pout on his face. "Well I was going to tell you that I have a plan to help us become better parents, however it seems as though you are not interested-"
What?
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back it up there Moonboy!" The shadow interrupted once more. "Did you book parenting classes for us or something?!"
"Not at all!" He assured, smile back once more. "Since it has been so long since we were last alive I thought it would be best to get advice from those who still are, like our friends!"
"Friends? What friends?"
"The duo that Hat Kid brought to the forest not too long ago." Moonjumper cheerfully replied. "The nice penguin and the fluffy bird!"
Those two…
Snatcher chuckled to himself as he recalled the scene, Moonjumper scaring the feathers off that one bird and the mild chaos that had occurred. It had been entertaining meeting those two, and it had been some time since they had last seen one another, so perhaps a visit was in order.
"Fine." Snatcher relented as he placed his book on the table nearby and floated out of his chair. "The kiddo can be a handful sometimes, and you'll need all the help you can get with how crazy that hooded brat can be-"
"She is no brat!" Moonjumper sternly insisted while crossing his arms. "She is just misunderstood, and full of energy!"
"She took advantage of your hug addiction and buried you under a mound of snow."
"Yes! See, full of energy!" Moonjumper proudly announced. "Now, no more putting off those parenting lessons, yes?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll lead the way since I've been to the studio before." If Snatcher could roll his eyes he would have as he started soaring through the air, Moonjumper quickly following.
Since his peaceful day had been disrupted, it was only fair that he would ruin someone else's as well.
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It was well known how chaotic things could get at Dead Bird Studio, especially with how heated the rivalry between DJ Grooves and the Conductor tended to be. With the loud arguments, the occasional sabotage, the... excessive use of explosives from either side, those who worked at the studio were used to quite a bit of insanity.
However, something they were not used to was the spooky, shadow portal that had appeared in the center of the lobby. The Receptionist sighed as he stared at the mysterious portal, several shivering Owls clustered behind him. He was in no way, shape, or form paid enough to deal with anything like this, and at this point he was debating on retreating to the staff room for a well-deserved break.
Unfortunately, before he could make a break for it the shadows started to swirl and churn. The Owls, who had already been terrified, started to anxiously murmur to one another about what was going on. The Receptionist sighed and turned around to try and calm the small crowd down, but just as he did things reached their breaking point.
A tall, somewhat noodle-like shadow surged out of the darkness, glowing eyes fixated on the ground as his fanged maw was cracked open in a smile. Sharp talons were pointed towards them as booming laughter filled the lobby.
"WHY HELLOOOOOO THERE!"
The Owls immediately started screaming and booked it out of the room with several penguins following soon after, retreating to their portion of the studio. This left the Receptionist alone to deal with whatever demon had decided to haunt the studio that day. It was also at this point that he noticed another figure appearing out of the darkness, this one wearing torn, fancy attire and chains around their wrists.
Just what had he done to deserve this?
The shadow then loomed over him, smile growing wider, and began speaking. "Sooooooo, what we need you to do for us is get both of those directors out here stat, got it?"
"Do you have a meeting or something?" The Receptionist retorted while moving to stand behind his desk once again.
The shadow blinked and dropped his hands. "A wha-no, no, listen. We're not waiting for a meeting or anything like that!"
"Both directors should be free at five, but good luck trying to talk to them if they're in the same room."
"WH-FIVE? Hold on there flighty-"
"Snatcher! There is no need to be rude!" The other being finally spoke before moving to float in front of the Receptionist. Snatcher folded his arms and glared while the fancy one spoke.
"Hello there! I am Moonjumper and this is Snatcher! We need to speak to our friends about something important."
The Receptionist raised a brow at that and appeared unmoved and unimpressed by the mention of Moonjumper's supposed friends. "Oh really? Do your friends know you're here? And if that's the case then why don't I see a note on my schedule with either of your names on it?"
Moonjumper faltered at that while Snatcher groaned and facepalmed in the background. "Um, it is… a surprise?"
"Nice going, Moonboy!"
Before Moonjumper could reply to Snatcher's exasperated remark, the sound of a door being kicked open cut him off and the trio in the lobby turned to stare at the new arrival.
"LISTEN UP YE PECK NECKS! WHICH OF YE DECIDED TO SCARE ME OWLS, EH?" The Conductor boomed as he stormed into the lobby, feathers bristled in annoyance and hands clenched. "We've got enough delays with DJ Groooooves blarin' that blasted music of late, and ye peck necks ain't gonna-"
His rant was cut off when he realized exactly who was standing, or floating, in the lobby. The Conductor immediately froze.
"It's ye two ghosties-"
"Hello friend!" Moonjumper interrupted while throwing his arms out and floating towards the stunned bird for a hug. "It has been far too long! I am sorry for neglecting my friend duties!"
"GET AWAY FROM ME YE SPOOK!" The Conductor squawked as he stumbled backwards and retreated from the affectionate corpse. "I DON'T WANT YER HUGS!"
"But friend!" Moonjumper wailed as he floated after his target, now chasing the Conductor through the lobby. Snatcher started laughing and the Receptionist sighed while looking down at the ground.
"I don't get paid enough for this…"
While chaos reigned supreme between the chasing, laughing, and general dismay at the situation that was going on. Fortunately enough, while some of the birds had retreated to hide away from the scary intruders, others had gone to get the only other person who probably knew what was going on, and could keep a level head in this situation.
"Darlings, what is going on in here?!"
DJ Grooves.
The other movie director basically slid into the chaos on his platform shoes and took a moment to observe all that was going on. He then looked at the Receptionist, nodding at him to take a break while the director took charge of the situation.
"Snatcher, what brings you here for a visit?" DJ Grooves smoothly inquired. "Had an itch to mess with the Conductor?"
"Nah, Moonboy there wanted to get lessons on parenting and since you two are the only real living people we know he decided this would be a good place to start." Snatcher shrugged. "So, you got any kids?"
"No, however Conductor does have grandchildren he takes care of sometimes." The DJ replied, causing Snatcher to nod in understanding.
"I see-WAIT! That malformed chicken had kids?"
"Why yes, darling! And Conductor is not a chicken, he's-"
"CAN ONE O'YER STOP YAPPIN' AND HELP ME OUT OVER HERE?" The loud shout put an unfortunate end to the riveting conversation. Both the ghost and penguin looked over to see the Conductor being held in Moonjumper's arms, with the corpse sheepishly smiling at them.
"I was only engaging in friend activities!"
Snatcher snorted at the scene. "Suuuure you were, Moonboy, and apparently that's the bird we need to talk to about parenting."
"WHAT?!" The Conductor squawked while Moonjumper let out a cheerful cry.
"How wonderful! We shall become excellent fathers in no time with his assistance!"
"Well then," Snatcher clapped his hands together and grinned evilly. "Let's get this plan started."
With that he dove back into the darkness with Moonjumper and the abducted Conductor following soon after. The other birds in the lobby watched, listening to the various shouts and curses that belonged to the captured director, but no one made a move to help him. Finally, when all was silent, DJ Grooves sighed in relief.
"Now to get this studio back in action. I hope Conductor left his script somewhere so the Owls can follow it…"
In another section of the studio, this location consisting of a large room filled with various trophies and awards, and several gaudy pieces of furniture, a swirling portal of darkness opened on the ceiling. A screaming, and cursing, Conductor was dropped out of it, bouncing once he hit the ground and then laying still with a pained groan. Moonjumper quickly floated out of the portal and started inspecting the in-pain bird, while Snatcher leisurely drifted out and waited off to the side.
"Oh dear! I am so sorry my friend!" The corpse fretted as he floated over the Conductor, trying to figure out what to do to help. "Snatcher just… poked me-"
"Hey! Don't pin the blame on me, Moonboy!" Snatcher interrupted. "Besides, this plan was all your idea! Now start bugging that bird and figure out what parenting lessons he can pass on."
"Wha-yer want lessons? Fer parentin'?" The Conductor looked notably less confused as he pushed himself back up and looked between the duo. He sent Snatcher what could only be interpreted as a smug grin. "Ye finally adopted the hat lass, didn't ye?"
Snatcher loomed over the Conductor, his projected shadow growing darker as his glowing smile grew brighter. "Yeah, anything to say about it-"
Fortunately, Moonjumper quickly intervened and shoved him off to the side. "Do not be rude to our teacher!" He then faced the Conductor and clasped his hands together.
"Oh please, bestest friend, can you teach us how to be good parents?"
"Good parents? I'm already a great parent-" Snatcher started ranting, but Moonjumper cut him off once more.
"As you can see, we are both… not all that alive and have not been for some time! Our parenting skills involving living children are practically nonexistent. Can you please help us?" Moonjumper pleaded, tears building up in the corners of his eyes.
Snatcher groaned and facepalmed. "The overdramatic crybaby has a point-"
"Hey!"
"So, what've you got?" Snatcher finished as he glared down at the movie director.
Now while the Conductor was, understandably, still somewhat scared for his life as he was currently trapped in his room, surrounded by two specters that hardly knew, and even then that was only because of Hat Kid, his fear was starting to dissipate.
He could recognize the anxious body language they both possessed as that of a worried parent. How the floating noodle kept crossing his arms, a defensive pose, and how threatening he was acting in order to ensure everything went the way he wanted it to, the way he thought would be best for his kid.
It was a thought process the Conductor himself had possessed once upon a time, until his wife snapped him out of it.
Meanwhile, the other spook was at the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Pleading and begging in the hopes that the display too would allow him to get what he wanted so his child could be helped. Not a mindset all that familiar to the Conductor, but it was one that he understood.
In other words, Conductor could relate to these two, and that made him all the more willing to help despite being kidnapped against his will.
He chuckled, adjusted his hat, and looked up at the duo. "Alright ye peck necks. Yer wanna know more about bein' a parent?"
Moonjumper was quick to nod while Snatcher was a bit more suspicious of the bird's sudden change in mood.
"Oh yes, certainly so!"
"What's up with that change in attitude, bird brain? You want something outta this?"
"Nae, laddie." The Conductor immediately shook his head. "Seein' the lassie end up where she's safe and happy is all I want. She always seemed so… lonely. It worried this old bird."
Snatcher seemed taken aback by the strangely honest answer from the typically arrogant bird, but before he could question the Conductor further, he kept speaking.
"Take a seat yer two and tell me what ye wanna know about." The director said while taking a seat on the carpet. Moonjumper was quick to join him while Snatcher reclined on the pile of trophies, momentarily inspecting one before tossing it to the side.
Eugh, it wasn't even real gold.
"Oh! Oh!" Moonjumper was quick to raise his hand and waited patiently until the Conductor pointed at him to speak. "What about the essentials? A healthy diet and exercise!"
"Please, Moonboy, those kids get enough exercise as is with how much they run and jump around the forest." Snatcher scoffed, but he did acknowledge that the corpse had a point. The kiddo had food for now, and Cooking Cat was definitely a good cat to turn to for food advice but sorting out a long-term plan was something they needed to do as soon as possible.
"Erm, birdseed ain't a good meal fer yer kids, but I cook sometimes with me daughter-in-law-"
"Truly? Can we get some recipes to try out? Please?"
"Aye! But do yer spooks even have a workin' kitchen out there?"
"… We're working on it."
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Meanwhile, up in a certain spaceship a mustached hero was encountering a similar problem in regards to food, specifically alien food.
Alien food, that had way too many tentacles and eyes for Mu's taste.
"Hat Kid, what in the heck is that?" Mu asked while pointing at the strange burger in the fridge in front of her. Burgers were not supposed to have tentacles, or be moving in her book. And the buns were blue!
Didn't that mean they were moldy?!
"That's a turger!" Hat Kid replied while lifting up the item and presenting it to Mu. "It's a good turger, too! No microwave needed!"
"Eugh!" Mu recoiled in horror before pointing at another item in the fridge. "And what's that, huh?"
"Peyesta! Don't worry, those aren't eyes! They're just-"
"GROSS!" Mu interjected while looking at her cousin once more, horror growing. She quickly scanned the fridge and pointed at the next food of terror.
"And… and that?"
"Pizza and sardines!" Hat Kid shrugged. "I like fish!"
"I hate fish!" Mu shouted as she started stomping about the kitchen. "Stupid, smelly fish and their fishy smells! Just like those gross Mafia!"
"… You don't have to eat it?" Hat Kid hedged, blinking when Mu spun to look at her in surprise. "Cooking Cat visits and makes me food sometimes! And I bet dad's trying to figure stuff out too!"
The mustached girl crossed her arms and squinted at her cousin, clearly not fully believing her. "You suuuure about that?"
"Mhm!" Hat Kid eagerly nodded and decided to return to her previous point. "And if anyone makes you something you don't want; you don't have to eat it! You can just tell them no thanks or try a bit!"
The concept of being able to choose the food she ate, especially if it was something she didn't enjoy eating, seemed to be new to Mu. She looked decidedly confused and the slightest bit worried.
"But… but what if-"
"No buts!" The hatted child insisted while shoving a cookie into Mu's open mouth. "We're family now, and that means we take care of each other! You don't have to eat fish like how I don't have to eat anything I think is yucky!"
Her cousin blinked and hesitantly chewed on the cookie, relishing the sweet flavour, something she only got to taste when she helped those people that worked at the café in Mafia Town. It was… nice and tasted homemade, not like those overpowering sweets she normally got as a reward.
Had she ever eaten anything homemade before, anyways?
She blinked once more, this time trying to ignore the tears that were building up in her eyes. Stupid tears! Who cried over cookies anyways?!
As Hat Kid reached out to hold her hand, offering her a supportive smile, it dawned on Mu that Hat Kid was the exact kind of person who would cry over cookies. And maybe, just maybe…
She could cry about them around her too.
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"Parentin' books help sometimes, but yer can ask others fer help." The Conductor explained as he walked Snatcher and Moonjumper back through the studio, freaking out practically every bird the trio came across in the process.
"And communication is key! The wee lassies need yer support, so don't be scared to give it!"
The corpse was writing down everything the director said on a notepad he had… borrowed from a helpful Owl. He nodded along with every bit of advice and occasionally repeated it aloud to himself to aid in memorizing everything. Snatcher had a bit more of a casual approach, listening to what was said and taking note of the Conductor's own personal experiences with his children, and grandchildren.
Any fights that had broken out and what had caused them, how they were resolved, what some common problems were that the kids had run into while growing up. Of course, Snatcher knew that raising Hat Kid would bring about different challenges, and then there was the added trauma of whatever Mu had gone through, and was still going through, but he doubted there was anyone on the planet who was an expert in either area.
An alien who had been abandoned by her birth parents, and an amnesiac with a hero complex, they were definitely going to be quite the challenge.
Then there was the added issue of the Time Pieces that were still scattered everywhere…
Snatcher groaned to himself. Yup, there were a literal boat load of problems that had to be sorted out between the kids themselves, where they would be living, and then the weird, time breaking hourglasses that were scattered around the planet.
And who knows what else-
"My dear friend? Are you listening?"
Moonjumper's voice snapped the shadow out of his musings. He looked up and realized that he was back in the lobby of Dead Bird Studio, and the Conductor was off talking to the Receptionist about something.
Shame ran through him for a moment, damn he'd missed vital information, but before he could stew in those emotions, a notepad was shoved in front of his face.
"I knew someone would overthink things, so I wrote everything down~" Moonjumper beamed as he dangled the papers in front of Snatcher's face.
"Damn Moonboy, looks like you might be good for something after all." Snatcher teased as he took the notepad and started flipping through it.
"Why yes I-hey wait!"
"Can it. We don't want the Owls passing out again."
The corpse huffed and crossed his arms, pouting as he waited for the Conductor to return. Snatcher paid him no mind as he kept reading through the notes, memorizing the most important information.
Privacy, give the kids a place they can call their own, easier said than done. Gotta get the Subconites working on helping build a place asap. Personal health and hygiene, I'll get some help from Cooking Cat on that one…
"Here ye go, laddies!" The Conductor announced as he made his way back towards the duo, a device held in his feathered hands. "Dead Bird Studio gives them out fer emergency contact, but yer two can use it if ye need anythin' from us."
Moonjumper accepted the offered item and both he and Snatcher looked it over. It was…
"A phone?" Snatcher was horrified. What was he, some hippy, new age mom who posted photos of her kids all over social media?!
"A phone! How wonderful!"
No wait, that was Moonjumper.
As Snatcher quietly snickered to himself over his brilliant joke, Moonjumper began barraging the Conductor with questions. "So we can contact you when we have problems, yes? Or if we just need to ask something? Oh, what about-"
"Calm down, laddie!" The Conductor interrupted as he waved his hands to cut off Moonjumper's rambling. "Ye can ask any question ye want, or yer can look up questions on that search engine thingamajig."
Snatcher looked up at that and stared at the bird in a combination of annoyance and disappointment. "… We don't have wifi. We live in a forest."
"What's a... wify? Weefee?"
"Oh my god." The shadow groaned and facepalmed. "This is just-okay, fine. Ignore the wifi comment and never say that word again. Maybe the phone might actually help…"
"Snatcher, quick! We must take a photo together for our best friend profile!"
"… I take it back, I take everything back." He wheezed while diving into the shadows, Moonjumper calling out to him to try and get him to return. When it was obvious that Snatcher had departed for sure, the corpse sighed and turned to looked at the Conductor.
"Well, thank you very much for your help, friend! Snatcher and I appreciated it!" He beamed while bowing politely at the bird. The Conductor chuckled.
"Aye, t'was no problem, laddie. And the next time ye show up, don't scare the peck outta the Owls."
"I shall do my best not to, and thanks again!" Moonjumper called out before disappearing from sight, returning to Subcon.
With the duo having left the studio, the Conductor sighed as he knew his day would become peaceful once more. Just as he turned around to enter his half of the studio, intent on getting back to working on his latest film, he suddenly heard music coming from the other part of the building.
The part belonging to…
"DJ GROOOOOOOOVES!"
Well, at least things had returned to their typical state of chaos!
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AN: And here we are! The story of Snowcon finally continues, and developments are coming to Subcon Forest! Some expected and others… very unexpected.
I would also like to take this chance to thank those of you who have read and reread this story. Honestly, it warms my heart to see how many fans it has gained over the years and that so many people still enjoy it. So, thank you all so much for your continued support and let's keep this plot rolling!