Oh, my dear readers, you don't know how glad I am to be done with this chapter and this adventure!
The 3-4 weeks before the publication of this chapter was... Intense. Each time I was thinking "oh, I don't have much left to write, I'm coming to the end; cool!" and no, I was writing more and more. At one point I even though "I'm not going to do it in four parts?!".
Luckily, I was able to stop and this chapter was able to find an end, which I find satisfying.
Thank you for leaving me comments, I love to read what you have wrote. It is always a motivation as well as an inspiration to write. Comments are proof that people read and like a fanfiction.
I think I will also do some illustrations about this adventure, I feel like it.
How could we have come to this? How did all of this turn into a nightmare?
We have all underestimated the cube, myself included; we have all underestimated the danger of the being that had taken on the appearance of my Grandpa. We also underestimated its power of persuasion and, above all, we underestimated how powerful its manipulation was. Was she being manipulated so easily? Was she so broken at the time to abandon herself to the cube? Have I really felt such intense despair and such a strong desire to return home that I would have done anything to get it back?
The answer was yes.
I couldn't admit it, I couldn't face the truth. This truth I lived and forgot to repeat it later with horror.
I felt sick. My stomach was viciously twisting in reaction to this horrific acquaintance; I wanted to vomit, but it wasn't a good time. It wasn't the time to stop, not while we were trying to hide ourselves as best, we could in this huge ruined city filled with guards all ready to find us, catch us and... I don't know what might follow but I can only guess it wasn't a good thing for us. Definitely not tea, biscuits and hugs. Only after many minutes we finally found a place to hide.
I put one hand over my mouth, closing my eyes as I forced myself to breathe through my nose as I held on to a crumbly stone.
"Don't you vomit, Alvia!" Jack grumbled as he laid my Doctor's unconscious body he carried on his back to the ground. "It's really not the time to be sick."
"Not sick..." I stuttered as I fell to the ground, back against the stone.
Jack glanced at me and replied sarcastically.
"You could have fooled me."
"Jack," called the Doctor, dropping Rose's hand. "That's enough."
"Jack is right a bit," intervened Rose. "We already have this unconscious Doctor, there's no need to add another problem alongside all those we have."
"I understood the first time! "I hissed at Rose as I glanced at her with a dark gaze. "No need to drive the nail in! I know we're in big trouble!"
"Really? Because since we've met you, you haven't really done anything good! This situation would not have existed if only you had made the slightest effort."
"For fuck's sake Rose! How many times do I have to repeat I don't remember anything about what happened?! And stopping this thing to happen only creates a fucking paradox and that's really the last thing we want to do! "
"Alvia's right, everything that happens here had to and must take place. It couldn't be stopped," added the Doctor.
"Is this... A fixed point? "I asked hesitantly.
"No," replied the doctor to my greatest relief. "But it's something big enough to make the Reapers or worse appear in case of a paradox. "
"So, leaving isn't really an option." Deduce Jack by taking a look at me.
"Great..." snarled Rose, displeased, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.
"Even if we had the opportunity to leave, we wouldn't do it. We can't leave our Alvia here, we have to save her."
I gave the Doctor a grateful smile.
"Save her?! " shouted Rose furiously, lowering her arms before pointing at me. "Have you forgotten she's gone to the enemy side? She abandoned you for power and above all she tried to kill you?! Leave her to her fate as she did with you!"
"No way! " refutes the Doctor, outraged by his blonde companion. "I can't believe you are suggesting such an option!"
"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her! "exclaimed Rose.
"Putain, stop blaming me as if I was the source of all the problems! "I finally burst, getting up suddenly and being swayed as if I'd drank. "That thing took advantage of some weaknesses of my young self! All we have to do is save me, save her!"
"And now she speaks ginger! Everything IS your fucking fault!"
"YOU can talk! Of all of us you... Urgh..."
My belly twists in a knot which is unfortunately familiar to me. I slapped my hand over my mouth to prevent me from vomiting while I gagged violently.
Rose mocked and laughed at me for not being able to finish my sentence. In addition to the gagging, the beginning of a headache began to tickle my left temple. I took a deep breath before I felt better enough to take my hand out and speak.
"It's started..." I said as I turned my eyes to the Doctor. "The symptoms..."
"Symptoms? What symptom? What is going on? "Jack intervened, turning his head to the Doctor and myself for an answer.
"She starts dying, her existence begins of being erased as the paradox grows stronger as time goes by. " tells the Doctor then suddenly moves towards his future incarnation to check him. "Same for him, his hearts beats slower. We don't have much time anymore; we have to go."
I nodded and took hold of myself so I wouldn't start to fall to the ground again.
"I'm not going back there!" objected Rose.
"Well, stay here then!" slammed the Doctor with anger. "Jack, you take care of him. If it gets too dangerous you leave town and get far away as much you can."
"But the Tardis is still parked in this city! " protested Jack.
"My Tardis... Well, my Doctor's Tardis. "I stuttered making useless gestures through the air. "Oh, screw it, you get it! It's parked a few miles out of the town, on a hill."
"With a bit of persuasion and good argument my ship may be able to take you on." agreed the Doctor before he grabbed my hand. "Let's go."
"Good luck," wished us Jack.
"Who needs luck?" I tried to joke. "I've got the Doctor."
Jack chuckled and the Doctor squeezed my hand lightly to indicate that we must leave. I took one last look at my Doctor, still unconscious and just as pale and unwell as he was during the first fifteen hours after his regeneration. We started running towards the city centre, where everything began to get worse.
I wouldn't say it was a pleasure to go back, quite the opposite in fact. Besides running towards the temple, we had to be alert and ready to sprint or hide to escape the guards who were still very active as they were at the beginning. We were all on constant alert. All of this plus the fact my body started to turn against me and gradually abandoned me. Mind and body are not as unified as we thought they were.
We were about to turn at some crossroads when the Doctor stopped suddenly causing me to bump into his straight and solid back. I was going to growl from the impact and rub my nose to soothe the slight pain but the Doctor pulled me into a dark alcove with him and his hand gently pressed against my lips to prevent me from making a noise as he pressed his body against mine whilst moving closer to the wall. I looked at him with surprise before I heard several heavy footsteps coming towards us. The Doctor put his index finger on his lips in the universal human sign of silence and I nodded slightly to let him know I understood what he was requesting. It reminded me of that moment in Downing Street with the Slitheen. But then I wasn't really in love with the Doctor...
Closer the guards got, closer the Doctor tried to get nearer the wall, to the point where the stupid and silly idea of the Doctor trying to fusion our bodies seemed like a real thing. Holding his hand was no longer pleasant for my wrist and in this soothing move I left the comfort of his giant, warm hand to slip my hands behind his back under his leather jacket. The Doctor gave me an unreadable look which I didn't dare answer and I took the opportunity to get closer, his arms wrapped around my body. The guards were all close by and the moment they passed never seemed so long and anxious. We almost held our breaths in fear that the noise might alert them.
As soon as they were gone, it was like time started again. The Doctor loosened his grip on me and moved back slightly, my hands slipped to rest against his chest, his blue eyes staring at mine without flinching. Thinking no more, I raised one hand and placed it against his cheek, so my thumb rubbed his slightly rough skin, proof that his last shave was a few days ago. And after a few seconds, I kissed him. Fuck delays, it wasn't like he was going to remember it any time soon. Everything that happened on this planet was going to be erased or sealed in our memories before it would emerge much later or maybe never.
The Doctor made a muffled, surprised throat sound before returning the kiss, his lips slipping to match mine as one of his hands pressed against my neck, his palm slowly warming the skin of my neck as his fingers slipped into my red hair.
As soon this kiss started, the kiss ended and I opened my eyes to meet his eyes again. I fell back gently on my heels, the tips of my feet pulling a slight tugging towards the beginning of pain. Our breaths mingled until the Doctor backed away definitively.
The Doctor loosened his grip on me when he moved his arms away and took a few steps back. But his action was vain when I suddenly began to fall apart due to a sudden loss of energy and strength from my body. Tiredness enveloped my body as I rested against him, the skin of my face rubbing smoothly against the green wool of his jumper.
"Time is running out." I gasped as I tried to stand up with the Doctor's help.
"We're almost there Alvia, just one more effort." he encourages.
I was now standing about 40 centimetres apart and our arms and hands fitted together perfectly as we held each other's forearms. I took a deep breath before I firmly nodded and stared into the doctor's gaze with renewed strength. The doctor took my hand and crossed his long fingers with mine and pulled me out and led me away again to run towards our destination.
The last few metres to the temple were the hardest. The temple was guarded by guards all on alert, ready to kill us. We were hidden before the great square, the Doctor never let my hand go until now. He came close to me again, but this time it wasn't to hide from the guards, in a few minutes we'll run towards them to get into the temple.
"So... What's the plan?" I asked carefully, glancing over my shoulder to observe the guardians.
"We have to get inside. The hardest part will be getting past the guards' line." He explains, his gaze never leaving the temple.
"Let's say we manage to pass through, what shall we do then? My young self acquired powers because of the cube. We have seen the proof of it. She' s going to kill us right on the spot as soon as she sees us or even feels us."
Flashbacks of her using her powers came into my mind. My younger self terrified me. Well... The power that ran through her veins terrified me.
The image of her walking towards the column that had previously held the cube was etched in my mind, and that moment when she passed her hand in the hollow where the cube was, releasing an explosion of blue energy that floated and swirled around her before seeping into her eyes and mouth; that moment will haunt my dreams for a long time. And her smile, her look! I never thought I could wear such an expression. I thought my younger self was pure evil, chaos in its most living incarnation.
My young self absorbed the cube's power before tearing and destroying Grandpa, who laughed and grinned as his plan unfolded to perfection. The Host...
I couldn't believe the Host was me, young or not. I refuse to believe it even after all those proofs.
"Do you listen what I'm saying? " asks the Doctor, interrupting the flow of my thoughts.
Seeing that I didn't listen he sighed, shaking his head slightly in frustration.
He put a hand on my neck, his thumb against my jaw to make me raise my head and meet his cold, sharp gaze.
"Listen to me, Alvia. Your life and the life of my future incarnation depends on it. Once you reach the temple you must draw your past to the column and both of you must put your hand in the cavity of the column."
"Why? How? What's going to happen?"
"Unfortunately, we don't have time for a full and detailed explanation. I need you to trust me, I need complete and total trust. " urged the Doctor, placing his other hand against my cheek.
"Am I going to die?" I suddenly asked, afraid of this sudden request of blind trust.
I was looking in his cold, clear blue eyes for that light that could give me hope, that could make me give the Doctor the trust he was asking for.
"If everything goes as I hope, you will survive. Your Doctor will survive. We will all survive. And this cube would be nothing more than a forgotten memory, a relic of a long dead and long forgotten past. But I need you to trust me, Alvia."
I swallowed nervously before taking a shaky breath and placing my hands on the Doctor's wrists, wrapping my fingers around his smooth, fresh skin.
"I trust you, Doctor."
He smiles kindly, bringing his hand up against my neck to rest it on my free cheek; my face held by his hands. Then he bent down to brush his lips against my forehead.
"That' s my girl." praised the Doctor, before moving backwards.
My lips stretched into a shy smile before becoming more convinced and confident, almost cheeky. I held out a trembling hand to invite the Doctor to take and hold it, an invitation he accepted willingly.
We turned towards the temple and the Doctor murmured a countdown that started from five. Once the countdown ended, we sprinted to the temple, drawing the Guardians' attention on us. The armour moved towards us, sword and shield in hands; they assembled and then split into two groups, one guarding the entrance to the temple while the other advanced quickly at us, ready to attack. Some even abandoned their shields to gain weight and speed, although they were already fast enough even with their equipment.
That's when the Doctor suddenly let me go and pushed me almost to the opposite side. By the time I fully understood his action, a sword was stuck into the ground with an indescribable sound. The horror overcame me when I saw the blade at the spot where we split up and the disconcerting ease with which it was thrust into the stone floor. It had gone into the stone like butter... I dare not imagine how it could cut through our muscles and tendons, bones and flesh.
In a quick movement, almost too fast for my eye to catch it properly, the Doctor took out his screwdriver and put it in the guardian's back and activated it. The sharp and powerful buzzing made my eardrums vibrate and after a few seconds the armour fell to the ground and disassembled as the thing that held everything in place had simply vanished. It's at this moment I noticed something in the back of the armour: a kind of circle with a golden light, engraved in the armour, and which quickly faded away and never light up again.
Suddenly, the evidence burst into my mind. It was the weak point of these guardians!
The whistle of a blade quickly cutting the air near my ear made me come to my senses, it wasn't time to be still, not with this large number of guardians still active. I bent down and rolled on the ground to avoid the blade before moving away a bit to have time to get my own screwdriver. Kneeling on the ground, grabbing my screwdriver with a firm hand, I was looking for the opportunity to deactivate the guardians who targeted me.
Then began a dodge and roll dance on the floor to avoid the murderous blades. Whenever the opportunity presented itself, whenever a suit of armour offered me its back, I attacked. Fast like a snake, I would jump in to stick the light end of my screwdriver against the light circle and then turn it on before going back to the dodge dance. Unfortunately, the little strength I had regained was quickly exhausted and a powerful gaggle cut me off before I found myself stuck on the ground.
So far, I had managed to deactivate half a dozen guardians. Armour littering the ground in a disorderly pattern. One of the guards took advantage of my moment of weakness to attack. I avoided the blade too late, rolling to the left to suddenly feel a monumental pain coming from my left shoulder.
The scream that the pain and the sword snatched from me seemed inhuman. The blade withdrew painfully from my flesh and I cowered in pain, screaming, panting and crying at the same time. I was at the mercy of the guardians.
My screwdriver clacked when it fell to the ground whilst I was reflexively sticking my other hand to the wound to stop the blood flow flowing out of my body to soak the fabric of my clothes.
"ALVIA!" yelled the Doctor.
I looked with confused eyes at the Doctor, who seemed so far away and yet was so close. The pain drove away every thought, every instinct I might have before. I could hardly feel my left arm. I was going to die of blood loss. Or I was going to die from another swing from the sword the guardian who managed to wound me was preparing to deliver. I took one last look at the Doctor, busy with his own guardians, but whose gaze always came back to me.
I'm going to die... It hurts so much...
Doctor... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
I can't move, I can't dodge. I'm going to die... I'm so sorry...
Forgive me, Doctor...
My eyes shut and I waited in agony for the blade that would put an end to my life. My head was spinning, but I didn't know if it was because of the paradox getting stronger and stronger or if it was because of the loss of blood.
I'm sorry, so sorry Doctor... I...
CLANK !
The sword fell a few inches away from me and the hand holding the weapon a few yards away. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Jack, holding a futuristic gun smoking slightly. Where did his weapon come from? Did he have it since he came into the TARDIS?
"Jack! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed the Doctor. "What about the Doctor?"
"Don't thank me!" Jack sneered sarcastically. "And Rose takes care of him. You look like you could use some help."
"I need some bloody medical care! I'm bleeding to death, damn it!"
"I forgot how grateful and welcoming you are when someone rescues you from a dangerous situation..."
"I'm not joking, for fuck's sake! "I shouted before coughing and spitting in my hand.
The Doctor rushed up to me, deactivating the amputee guardian as he passed by, then helped me up, passing an arm behind my back, and my free and uninjured arm over his neck. The position was already unpleasant because of the difference in size but was even more painful because of my injured shoulder; my left arm moved slightly and the pain from swinging my arm made me hiss and swear and spin my head because of the pain.
"Shit, Alvia!" said Jack when he saw the wound on my shoulder. "You weren't kidding."
I gave Jack a black look. I'd make a rude gesture to him but my arm is in no condition to move.
"Since you are here Jack, take care to shoot the guardians, if they show their backs shoot in their light circle. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get through with Alvia. We'll talk about where your gun is coming from later."
Jack nodded and raised his gun again, targeting the nearest guardians.
So then, under Jack's constant shooting, the Doctor guided me and helped me to walk towards the temple whilst we dodged the guardians trying to kill us. My shoulder was still bleeding and the dull pain accompanied by a constant beat of heat took most of my senses and made me more and more dizzy. The Doctor encouraged me to keep going, to struggle and not let the pain and exhaustion take me down. It was getting harder and harder to focus, my vision blurred more and more and I was finding myself noticing black spots in my eyesight.
"We're almost there, Alvia. The temple is now only a few metres away." breathed the Doctor, pulling me away from a sword that was swinging towards us.
"I don't think I can do it... It hurts so much and I'm so tired."
"You can do it. Don't give up when we are so close."
The Doctor was right, we were so close to the temple entrance. But we still had to face my young self and the power of the Cube. And I wasn't really sure we could do it, not when I was in such a weak condition, on the verge of unconsciousness and death.
However, in the end, we succeeded. We finally reached the entrance of the Temple. But I was exhausted and threatened to fall into the mists of unconsciousness any minute; which was not the case with the Doctor, who, although he was slightly panting after the effort of supporting me and dodging the guardians while we ran towards the Temple, showed very few signs of fatigue.
The temple was as I remembered it, except for a few statues of guardians on the sides that were not lying and broken on the ground. We climbed the stairs leading to the balcony. Because the room where everything happened was now on this floor, the old path that brought us there fell down and so was sealed off. Everything seemed to have been planned as a trap. Behind the useless little altar on the balcony floor was an entrance which, a few moments after my young self had absorbed the power of the cube, functioned as a teleporter portal; crossing the door would make us appear in the buried room where the column and my previous self were.
Climbing the stairs was complicated and the Doctor let me catch my breath by going to sit on the altar. He helped me get rid of my coat and sweater, leaving me with only my grey t-shirt which had a huge red ochre stain on my shoulder and was running down my back and down my chest. The Doctor observed the wound as best he could without touching it.
"The wound is deep and clean, I can see the bones of your collarbone and scapula; they have most certainly been touched, if not fractured or cut."
Echoing the diagnosis given by the Doctor, my shoulder was happy to let me know by continuously spreading a dull and sharp pain.
"If I haven't lost my arm after that, it's a fucking stroke of luck..." I hissed as I looked at my left hand, motionless and inert.
Hand the Doctor held carefully.
"Don't worry about it, your doctor will find a way to heal you. Some non-human hospitals are able to perform medical miracles."
"If you're talking about New Earth's hospital, I think I'll pass. "I joked, knowing the Doctor wouldn't really understand the joke about it since he hasn't had experience with it yet.
The Doctor, however, didn't catch the attempt of humour; he looked at me with a mixture of seriousness and concern. His hand found its way against my cheek, his thumb gently rubbing the grain of my skin.
"You'll get your arm back, I promise you."
I leaned against his hand, fatigue taking over more and more of my person.
"Only if I survive what's to come..." I breathed slowly after a moment of silence between us, my eyes closed. "We shouldn't wait anymore."
"Though I would like you to rest and let me take care of your shoulder, you're right. Waiting will only do more harm than good." agreed the Doctor with a slight air of spite.
He offered me a hand so I could take it to help me get up. We walked towards the portal hand in hand, leaving on the altar, now stained by my vital liquid, my clothes also soaked with my blood.
Sitting on the steps, in a thinker's replica or Ganondorf sitting on the throne of Hyrule, awaited my youngest self. Her hair framed her face and gave her shadows that made her expression even more terrifying, her eyes no longer had the hazelnut colour that we had had since we were born, a hazelnut that turned slightly green in certain angles or became amber in the sun, they were as inhuman as Grandpa's eyes. They weren't my eyes; they were the eyes of the universe. No... The eyes of a dead universe, ravaged, cursed and poisoned by the cube. The eyes of the Host.
"You took your time. "commented the Host, raising her head slightly to face us. " It crossed my mind that you wouldn't come back here."
"And yet, here we are." adds the Doctor in an unemotional tone.
She began to smile, as if she understood a joke that only she knew.
"Yes, indeed."
Silence fell again in the room, only my breathing was a stain on the silence.
"You won't be able to stop me. "The Host continued, getting up, dusting her trousers and coat. "You have no plans and you're in a pitiful state. You're going to die any minute, either by my hand or because of the paradox."
"Don't be so arrogant. "I hissed. "We'll find a way to stop you somehow!"
The host disappeared in a volute of blue smoke before reappearing in front of me, her hand reaching down over my wounded shoulder to thrust her fingers into my gaping wound.
"GAAAAAAAAH" I cried out as I tried to get away from her grip, only to fall on the floor.
"Alvia! " exclaimed the Doctor before he was ejected by a shock wave produced by the Host with a wave of her hand.
I could feel my wound bleeding more and more and the pain stunning my mind. Luck wasn't on our side.
"How can you even think about stopping me when all I have to do is touch your shoulder to stop you. You are pathetic. There is no way you are my future, weak as you are."
With immense effort I stood up, covering my shoulder with my hand, which became stained with blood; I dared to face the creature in front of me with my eyes. A twisted smile, inappropriate for the occasion, reached my lips.
"You have to get the idea that we are not gods, that we're not strong as we thought we were. We are only human."
The Host's face twisted in a furious frown and then grabbed me by the neck and lifted me a few centimetres above the ground. I instinctively reached for the wrist that was gripping me and scratched it, wounding it with my nails so that it would release me. I missed air, but it wasn't gone. Yet. My God, was I going to die like Loki? Broken neck, choking me with my own blood?
Panic could be read in my face and my movement became more and more frenetic as I felt her fingers gradually sink into the soft skin of my neck. My kicks didn't do anything, my punches didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything except suffer my fate. My vision blurred once again, once again verging on death. The host seemed delighted about this, her eyes shone with a crazy, contemplative glow and her smile was proof that she was enjoying my pain and my imminent death.
Hopefully, the Doctor saved my life again. For the first time he consciously used physical violence. He threw a punch to the Host, taking her by surprise. Her grip on my neck broke and I fell to the ground, coughing and gasping for air. The Host touched her cheek, astonished, as if pain was a new experience for her; as if she had never been hit before.
It probably was, I thought as I admired the Doctor's punch.
Dazed by the apprehension of pain, the Host didn't pay attention to the Doctor until he grabbed her arm with a firm, hard grip and pulled her towards the column. The Host rebelled, attacked the Doctor with punches that would undoubtedly leave bruises blooming on his skin. Not once the Host used her powers against him.
Why?
Why not use her powers against him?
The Doctor dragged the host towards the column, grabbing her forearm to push the rest of her hand into the cavity of the column.
An explosion of energy arises from the column before the same light energy diffuses and flows in large quantities from the cavity, creating hurricanes and cracks on the walls. Gusts of wind shielded and prevented anyone from moving towards the column.
"ALVIA!" shouted the Doctor from behind, his voice carrying very little through the howl of the wind. "You must come here!"
And despite the desire to obey the Doctor, to do what I had to do, my body finally abandoned me. Loss of blood or paradox, it didn't matter. Strength had left my body, as well as my blood. I clenched my fist to the ground, resting in a small pool of blood, tears flowing freely, so frustrated that I couldn't do anything anymore, including saving our lives.
I closed my eyes, sobbing needlessly with pain, frustration and fatigue as I gradually felt myself relaxing and never moving again. I was going to die. It was inevitable.
Maybe I was going to land in another world, but the bitterness of this thought didn't help my situation at all. I would never forgive myself for letting the Doctor and the universe die if I were to live in another universe. I would rather stay in the Void for eternity than live that option.
"Alvia! "shouted the Doctor, his voice getting weaker and weaker for me.
I don't wanna die...
I don't want to die!
I won't let you die.
A golden and burning presence appeared in the depths of my mind, followed by two large amber eyes with slit pupils, staring at me without blinking or flinching. They were the same eyes I had seen when the Tardis heart was opened because of Blon in Cardiff.
I don't want to die...
And I won't let you die. Let me take control. Abandon yourself to me, all of you, and in return... I'll solve all your problems.
You'll save them?
Yess...
Will you destroy the cube? Will you annihilate the power that emanates from this column?
I will carry out the least of your desires, the least of your orders. You can trust me.
Who are you?
Let yourself go...
What are you?
It's going to be all right... Have faith.
...
…yes…
I felt a strange sensation of being pulled back and ejected from my own body. I was like a ghost, able to see my own body. As if I was living the present moment from an external point of view. It was as if I was in astral form, just like Stephen Strange was when he met the Ancient One.
But unlike the astral form, I couldn't see my body, it wasn't translucent. I was simply incorporeal.
How was that even possible? Was I going to get my body back? I started to panic.
My body moved by itself, being controlled by something other than myself. My body struggled to get up, hissing in pain as it grabbed the injured shoulder. Looking a bit closer I could see that my eyes had a strange glow, a glow that was familiar and yet different. This glow slowly disappeared and never reappeared again.
Slowly my body got up to bend slightly as the gusts of wind and energy whipped my face and pushed against my body. Slowly and with great effort my body moved forward step by step, slowly but surely. And as my body drew closer the storm became more dangerous, the wind became as sharp as a blade and began to cut into my hands and cheeks, thin streams of blood escaping from those tiny cuts.
Finally, my body reaches the Doctor and the Host. My body reached out to grab the Host's hand and the Doctor released his grip to be carried away by a shock wave caused by the energy of the column. The Host seemed to panic as her hand reached into the cavity of the column.
"No! NO!" yelled the Host.
The Host seemed to panic even more after having crossed my body's gaze.
"You?! What are you doing, let me go! Let me go!"
"I am putting an end to all of this. Your time is over," groaned my body, her hand holding the Host's hand a few centimetres from the cavity.
It is now time.
What?
The Doctor's plan is to destroy the column and the power of the cube by making the same DNA desire two opposite things. Now, think about it and make up your mind. What is your deepest desire? Make your wish!
After a period of reflection that seemed long but was short, I finally found what I wanted the most. My young self had this desire to come home, to find our family and our old life by any means possible.
I didn't want this anymore; I was happy here. I was happy to love the Doctor and to be loved by him in return. I wouldn't give up the life I've got in the Tardis for anything. I don't want to leave this world; I don't want to leave this life.
I want to stay.
I want to stay as long as I can. I don't want to leave the Doctor. I don't want my old life back.
My hand firmly holding the Host's hand in the cavity, it lit up like the first time, as when my young self placed her hand in the cavity.
A new flow of energy exploded from the column, much more powerful than anything before. A flow of energy wrapped itself around my body and the one that took possession of my old self came out as well. Both streams revolved around, revolved around my bodies, past and present. The flows mixed and separated, they tried to possess both bodies before moving away. The cube was confused. Two desires, one DNA. He didn't know what to do this time.
Enraged, the flow became aggressive and violent in its attempts and the more it tried the more unstable and volatile it became. The cosmic cube quickly reached its breaking point and the column rejected the two bodies with a powerful shock wave followed by a powerful explosion of volute and blue flame.
My body projected through the room reached the place where my incorporeal consciousness was; thus, my body and my consciousness were once again united.
As soon as I took a breath, the air in my lungs was suddenly expelled as my back met one wall of the room. I fell to the floor like a rag doll, black vision and my mind drawn into unconsciousness.
The accumulation of pain, fatigue and blood loss took its toll on me. The last thing I heard was the sound of something made of glass breaking into a thousand pieces.
The typical smell of disinfectant and medicine and the constant, repetitive beeping from a machine were the things I noticed when I woke up. It took me a few minutes before I decided to open my eyes, knowing the smell and noise would do everything but help me go back to sleep.
I woke up in a room with a pastel blue wall and white floor and a bed with white sheets and an extremely hard and uncomfortable cushion. My left shoulder itched just like the inside of my elbow. As I glanced, I could see a catheter connected to my arm which connected me to a blood bag and a translucent fluid bag. Having a vague knowledge of medicine, I didn't make the mistake of removing or tearing the catheter from my arm, at the risk of losing blood again. Instead, I got up to sit in bed and checked my shoulder by gently sliding my hospital gown over to observe compresses and bandages covering my wound.
The sound of a door opening caught my attention and I turned my head to see a nurse - at last what I guessed was a nurse - enter my room. She wasn't human, she had indigo blue skin, black lips and cat eyes.
"You're awake, at last! "exclaimed the nurse with joy and relief.
"Where am I?"
I could also ask in what century I was, because the futuristic aspect gave me a certain clue that I wasn't in the 21st century.
"You're in the main hospital of Crespalion. You slept for several days after your surgery."
"Surgery?"
"Yes, our surgeons had to reconnect your nerves that were cut and repaired your broken collarbone and scapula. "The nurse explains as she cut off the blood supply before removing the reddish tube. "You have a very caring boyfriend, you know," she continues with a gentle smile. "He stayed by your bedside every day and we almost had to threaten to call security to get him out when visiting hours were over."
Boyfriend? It feels really strange to apply this label to the Doctor.
"Where is he? "I asked shyly.
"I think I saw him near a small shop at the entrance of the hospital. He seemed delighted to see one; do you want me to get him?"
"Please?" I nodded gently with a small smile on my lips as I imagined the Doctor delighted to see a little shop.
"Oh! And the doctor should be here soon."
I held back a small laugh that was trying to sneak out of my smiling lips; the nurse wouldn't understand the humour in her words. She left my bedside after a few minutes, leaving me alone again in the room.
I didn't like hospitals, as many people did. We all went through some heart-wrenching things in the hospital, the loss of a person. My grandfather died in a hospital and seeing his face again despite the fact that it wasn't him brought up feelings that I had buried deep down. I had never really grieved; it was time for me to do so.
The door to my room opened again and the Doctor entered, my Doctor.
"Alvia..." he let go in a breath, relieved to see me finally awake.
The distance between us was reduced as he took great steps to get closer. At my bedside I could see a bit more clearly the legible tiredness on his facial lines.
"Doctor..." I saluted him gently.
He leaned slightly towards me, framing my face with his two hands before kissing me passionately. In this kiss he communicated to me all his anxiety, anguish and many other emotions; but also, his relief to see me alive. I unconsciously put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm, deepening the kiss. When a clears throat cut us cleanly in our rush.
At the entrance of my room there was a doctor from the same species as the nurse; he seemed to clumsily hold back an embarrassed laugh by biting his lips which could not help but twist into a smile. The Doctor released me and stepped back, squeezing his earlobe as his cheeks took shades of pink; and I scraped my throat, equally embarrassed.
"Well, I see you're wide awake," he says as he approaches us. "How do you feel? "he asks as he carefully removes the catheter from my arm.
"My shoulder itches a bit, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I can feel it as well as the rest of my arm," I said as I played with my fingers.
"Hmm. I see. You have been very lucky, a bit longer and you could have lost your arm for good; your injury was clean too, which may have made it easier to have the operation to fix your nerves and tissues. Unfortunately, you will still have a scar; not even our best tissue regenerator could prevent the scar."
"It's okay, I'm really thankful I still have my arm. "I reassured him as I took the hand of the Doctor, who had made a throat sound during the explanation of the blue-skinned doctor.
The doctor removed the bandages that hid the scar on my shoulder, it was pink and visible, clearly contrasting with the rest of my skin.
"Your scar looks nice and strong enough for me to let you leave the hospital. I will notify the reception to prepare the discharge for you to sign. "said the doctor before he left.
"Thank you. "I thanked him with a nod of the head.
A few minutes later, when I was sure no one would come into my room again, I finally decided to get out of bed. That's when I really became aware of how I was dressed.
"Where are my clothes?"
"I got them back," replied the Doctor. "The Tardis must have taken them; I brought you some others." he adds as he took a small pile of clothes and a pair of shoes out of his coat.
I took the pile he handed me with one hand and reached for his cheek with the other hand and kissed him in thanks.
"I'm going to change, it will only take a few minutes," I said as I walked to the tiny bathroom, which also served as a toilet.
I actually only took five minutes to change. I swapped the uncomfortable hospital outfit for a lightweight, loose deep green jumper, black trousers with the bottoms stopping above my ankles, cotton underwear and a pair of vans that were slip-on and didn't have laces. I took advantage of the bathroom to clean my mouth because I didn't like that doughy feeling that took place each time I woke up, so I rinsed my face with water and wiped the excess water out of my hair, taking the opportunity to style my hair with my fingers a minimum.
I used this time to ask myself what happened to the others. Had they returned to their Tardis, treating their wounds before they no longer remembered because our times were desynchronised?
I went out of the bathroom to join the Doctor who was waiting at the doorstep. The Doctor took my hand and tangled his fingers with mine as we walked to the hospital reception which was on the ground floor. Once there I signed the discharge. The Doctor silently observed the stylized M and G that I made with a pen as a signature; these two letters being the initials of my real first name.
During my time at Jackie's during Rose's disappearance, I had the opportunity to change my signature; but it was hard to find a new one that I liked and, in the end, I preferred to stay with the one I was used to.
The lady who stood behind the reception desk picked up the discharge with a tiny smile and wished us a good day. It was with this farewell we left the hospital to return to the Tardis. The way back inside the Tardis wasn't that long, but the fact the Doctor remained silent the whole way made the walk a bit longer.
The Doctor unlocked the Tardis and then went inside to walk to the console and start the Tardis engines; all this was done silently. I didn't like that silence. The Doctor's face was unreadable, no emotion was transmitted in his eyes and gestures.
"Doctor?" I asked worriedly, putting one hand on his.
He wrapped his long fingers around my hand and squeezed my hand, preventing me from retreating.
"You almost died..." he said, turning his head so our eyes would meet.
"Doctor..."
"I woke up on this bloody planet, with Rose, having no idea what was going on or where you were. When I finally found you, you were lying on the ground in a pool of blood, inert and close to death. Do you have any idea how scared I was? Scared that you were dead?!" burst the Doctor suddenly, his voice rising to a high pitch as he grabbed my arms as if he was going to shake me. "And how much it hurt to see you like that! Do you realise that?"
I swallowed with difficulty and nodded nervously, not trusting my voice to not shake as I answered him. He stared at me in silence. Anger, sorrow and worry floating in his eyes faded away gradually before disappearing completely. The Doctor wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to rest against his body, placing his chin against the top of my head.
"I'm so sorry...", I croaked in the fabric of his jacket.
"I know. I know you are..." whispered the Doctor as he carefully rubbed my back.
It has now been a couple of hours since we returned to the Tardis. And there has been an explicit distance between us since his explosion. We haven't talked or seen each other since. I felt as if I was being grounded, having done something bad.
I have no idea where the Doctor was, he could have been in the console room trying to repair something that didn't need to be repaired as well as he could have been in the library, the observatory, the kitchen and so many other rooms. For my part I remained confined to my room, sitting on my bed with my legs crossed, turning the pages of a book from time to time.
It was a book whose title, plot and even the names of the protagonists I forgot. So, I wasn't really reading and this book was going to stay at my bedside a bit longer. After a few minutes I would close the book without marking the pages and put it on my bedside table, which had recovered the jar of nanogenes - on returning to my room, the things I had taken to the planet had been recovered and deposited - which was quietly glowing in its soft golden light.
I let myself fall on my back, bouncing once on the mattress of my bed, staring at the glass ceiling of my room which let me catch a glimpse of the infinity of the universe and its stars which enlightened it. I would run some lazy fingers against the fresh scar on my shoulder, still getting used to the slightly rough feeling of the scar tissue.
My door was knocked before it slowly opened, allowing the Doctor to enter my room holding a tray of food and drink in his arms, and the smell of the food reached me and made me drool with envy. He approached and placed the tray on the edge of my bed as I got up and crossed my legs again, the Doctor going around to sit on one side of my bed. As usual when we were both alone together, he had left his striped brown suit jacket, rolled up the sleeves of his shirt up to the elbow, undid a button or two from the top of his shirt and left his tie with his jacket.
"I thought you might be hungry," he says gently as he brings the tray closer to us.
"Thank you."
I took one of the two plates that was on the tray and put it on my lap and then with my two hands I took the dish that the Doctor had made. It was a kind of melted cheese sandwich with bacon, egg and tomato. As I took a bite, I could detect that there were several kinds of cheese inside; Cheddar, Mozzarella and probably Emmental. The whole thing was still warm. It was delicious. And I let it be known by letting out an appreciative noise that the Doctor could have taken as a moan of pleasure.
"It's delicious! "I complimented him before taking another bite. "I could spend the rest of my life eating this."
"And so, you would take weight! " chuckles the Doctor lightly.
"Oi! We're not talking about a girl's weight! That's rule number one! "I exclaimed, pointing at him. "And with all that running, I'm not going to gain any weight. I even lost some!"
"All right, all right! I get it! " apologised the Doctor, raising his hands in the air.
"Honestly Doctor, you've had a large number of female companions aboard the Tardis, you should have known by now. I'm sure the other species don't even appreciate this remark."
"Well, there is a species that..." said the Doctor and stopped immediately as I looked at him. "Maybe I'll tell you about it some other time..."
"It would be better, Doctor".
After this mock argument we continued to eat our meal and when it was over, the Doctor grabbed the tray with the empty plates and glasses and put it on my desk before coming back to my bed, undoing his shoes and crossing his legs on my bed. Feeling my digestion begin quickly, I lay down on the bed, my eyes staring at the stars floating and lighting up the immense and cold universe that lay above us. The Doctor copied me and lay down too, taking my hand, his thumb slowly caressing my skin in long, soft circles. And that's how we watched the magnificent performance happening in front of us.
I felt drowsy as the Tardis buzzed gently, as the Doctor told me his knowledge about the stars and galaxies in the skies, his soft voice murmuring every secret the stars hid, almost whispering certain words. Somehow, I ended up observing the Doctor attentively and tenderly, who until now had always been passionately monologizing about the stars. And when the Doctor ended speaking, he noticed I was looking at him instead of the stars.
"See something you like?" asked the Doctor with a teasing voice.
"Actually, I do." I told him before I moved to kiss him.
As our lips moved in a perfectly synchronized dance, his scent invaded my senses; his fingers slipped so that our fingers were crossed and his other hand brushed my cheek to get into my hair. The kiss was so passionate, so full of love and tenderness for each other that I felt confident. Confident to tell him.
The kiss ended as I moved back just a few inches and put one hand on his chest. Our breaths met, caressing and soothing our lips which tingly pleasantly. Our eyes gazed at each other, tenderly, affectionately and lovingly.
And I whispered to him:
"I love you..."
His eyes widened slightly and his pupils dilated, surprise floating in his warm brown eyes. His eyes softened and creased after a few seconds as his lips stretched upwards in a smile that showed how happy he was.
He pressed his forehead against mine, wrapping his arms around me as he rolled us so that my back was against the mattress of my bed and he was on top, his body flying on over mine, his chest resting against mine without leaning on me with all his weight. The rest of his lower body wasn't touching mine, one of his legs was in the gap between my legs. One of his hands was slowly stroking and styling the red hair that framed my face.
And then the Doctor whispered to me:
"So do I..."
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