"For the record, if you had just told me Tere-"
"Peter."
"Peter - sorry - was Spider-Man, this wouldn't have happened."
"If you had just told me you and Red Widow had concerns, this wouldn't have happened. I'd have given you what I've got on Oscorp and we could have all been on our way.
"Please don't call her that to her face," Ross sighed.
"Why not? Her getup has to have been inspired by a red widow spider."
"She already wants to pick a fight with you, don't make it worse."
"Can't say I don't feel the same. She's been stalking my kid and now she attacked him, all while accusing me of human experimentation."
"If she knew he was yours, she wouldn't have worried. We all know how protective you are of your undisclosed number of children."
"Doesn't matter. And you know how many kids I've got," Tony argued, waving away the statement.
"I know about the legion of robots you claim as children and the two human ones, but I wouldn't be surprised if you've got more hiding in the wings."
Tony opened his mouth to point out that the AIs were his kids, fuck you very much, when the other part of the statement registered. "I've only got one human kid."
Ross didn't even look up from whatever he was working on. "Stark, if you didn't want me to know Ms. Parker was yours, you shouldn't have introduced her with the same surname as the woman who led to our association."
"Coincidence."
"She's Peter's sister."
"You spies are too nosy." The elevator chimed and Tony turned to face it. "Speaking of nosy spies!"
"Stark," Drew greeted as she stepped into the penthouse's living room. Her glasses were once more glasses and she'd ditched the jacket for a simple red tank top.
"Spider-Woman."
Drew scowled and Ross said, "I warned you not to go at him like this."
"Are you the reason Vision was able to intervene before I could question the kid?" she shot back at the agent as Tony turned the video screen to face her.
"I'd be insulted you'd think I would let the Spider-Baby out without a babysitter, but I'm too busy being insulted you'd think I would not only try my hand at making a super soldier, but that I would use a child to do it," Tony tutted.
"Not a child," Peter muttered from behind her.
"I didn't go into this thinking that," she said, coming forward to sit down across from him.
Vision and Peter followed, the former choosing to stand nearby and the latter dropping down next to Tony.
"But then the evidence started piling up. The kid's decked out in your gear and he was brought into the accords mess by you. His sister is the head of your security's cyber division and spent some time working with the Avengers. The kid spends practically every weekend here, for feck's sake, and pops in randomly during the week on top of that. What was I supposed to think?"
"That his sister is like family to me so when we found out he was the one running around Queens in a spider onesie I brought him into the fold and made sure he had the gear and training to keep him out of trouble until he either got it out of his system and stopped or was old enough to join the big leagues." Peter's eyes lit up and Tony held up a finger. "No Avengers until after college."
"Nebula didn't even go to college," Peter muttered. "And neither did Vision."
"Nebula's not an Avenger and Vision still isn't legally a person yet. I, on the other hand, have three to seven doctorates and Rhodey has three masters. I expect you to at least beat him, though I know you could beat me if you actually tried."
"Three to seven doctorates?" Ross asked.
"College isn't a requirement for the Avengers," Peter said with narrowed eyes.
"Lost track of a couple of diplomas a few years back. I'm sure I could ask Rhodey or look online to figure it out, but I don't care enough to," Tony waved the CIA agent off. "I can make it a requirement if you're going to fight me on it."
"Are they always like this?" Drew asked and Vision shook his head.
"Only when Peter's status as an Avenger-in-training comes up."
"Mr. Stark, Mr. Parker, can we focus please," Ross pleaded.
"Sorry," Peter said and Tony rolled his eyes.
"Fri, bring up what we've got on the OZ formula."
"Sure thing, Boss."
"OZ?" Drew asked, looking over the files that began popping up on holo screens.
"In development at Oscorp. Its a combination of a few things, most of which we think they dug up from the S.H.I.E.L.D. dump. Its main base, though, is composed of Extremis as well as the Araneae serum developed by HYDRA scientists Jonathan and Merriam Drew. No relation, I'm sure," Tony added sarcastically.
He honestly had thought there was no relation until Vision had informed him of her spider getup.
Peter's eyes widened, but neither Vision nor Drew reacted.
"This is all you found?" she asked.
"I only looked deep enough to make sure Peter would be okay. I wasn't going to give Osborn of all people a chance to accuse me of corporate espionage."
"I'll look into it," Drew said. "It looks like they've only been working with animals, but I doubt it will stop there."
"Knowing Osborn, you're probably right."
"Please keep me in the loop this time," Ross requested with a sigh.
He sighs a lot. Maybe Tony should try and get him a vacation.
"So are we still fighting then or can we talk about the explosion we saw?" Peter asked.
Tony bumped their shoulders together. "P.L.A.T.O. looked into it and the FBI is dealing with it. That's all you need to know."
"Was it those guys with the weird weapons?"
"Either way, it's not your business."
"Take it slow, kid," Drew said. "You'll appreciate it once you get to the big time."
"And then he fell into the pool."
Peter groaned as Harley burst out laughing.
"Oh man! Pete, you should have introduced me to your school friends so much sooner!"
"No, I shouldn't have," Peter muttered, waving at a man who called out to him as he swung past. "Come on, can't we talk about something else, like how I got the winning question at nationals."
"I'm sure Liz found it flattering that you got so distracted by her beauty," S.I.L.K. offered.
"No offense, S.I.L.K., but I still can't believe Iron Dork built you as a mom friend AI," Harley chuckled.
"I still can't believe Iron Man built Peter a personal AI!" Ned said excitedly. "Could I take a look at the code?"
"NED!"
"Well, I never!"
"I changed my mind. What kind of guy asks to see a lady's code like that?"
"I-I-What? I didn't, I mean -"
Peter snickered and flipped over to land on a roof. "We're kidding. Mostly."
"Code's personal. Even D-Tony doesn't poke around in any of the AIs' codes once they're live unless something's wrong and they can't fix it on their own," Harley explained.
"Their code is like their mind and spirit. It's what makes them who they are."
"Sorry, I didn't realize," Ned apologized, sounding sincere, if still a bit confused.
"It's alright, Ned. You're still learning," S.I.L.K. responded in a gentle voice.
"Speaking of AIs, guess who finished the you-know-what for PV."
"PV?" Ned asked as Peter gasped.
"You got Anapistula working?"
"Yes, I got the stupidly named thing working."
"It's a great name! Anapistula is -"
"Yeah, yeah. Did you get the coordinates?"
"Kid, where are you?"
"Who the," a beep sounded, "was that?" Harley yelped. "Wait, S.I.L.K., did you just censor me?"
"Agent Drew, you do not have the authorization to be on this call?" S.I.L.K. said instead of answering him.
"Agent Drew? You mean Spider-Woman?" Ned gasped.
"There are random children o- Nevermind. Kid, get to Bush Terminal Park as fast as you can. Vision will meet you there. There's trouble on the Staten Island Ferry and we could use your webs."
"What's going on?" Peter asked as he swung off the building.
"Agent Drew hung up. Multiple emergency services have been called out to the ferry's location. Reports say the ferry is under attack by an enhanced with wings. Agent Drew and a few FBI agents are on the scene."
"Is it Wilson?" Harley asked.
"There has been no identity given."
"Which means no. Everyone would know if one of Rogers' gang showed up."
"Dude, are you going to team up with Spider-Woman and Vision to fight a supervillain?" Ned cheered.
"Maybe. I'll call you guys back later," Peter said as he got near the park.
"Aw, but I wanted to be your guy in the chair!"
"Don't you dare hang up on me, you runt!"
"Next time don't sell me out, you traitor!" Peter shot back at Harley. "S.I.L.K., end call, please. Vis!"
Vision turned and caught Peter midair. "Hello, Mr. Parker."
"Hey Vis," Peter said, shifting so he was sitting bridal style in Vision's arms. "I told you, it's Uncle Peter. Or just Peter if we're not there yet. What's up with the Ferry?"
The android turned and flew out over the water. "I'm not certain. Agent Drew just said she needed our help at the ferry. She attempted to reach Mr. Stark, but he is still in India due to his delayed departure so I answered instead."
A weak shock wave hit them and Vision sped up.
"Woah!" Peter gasped as they came upon the ferry just as it started to pull apart in two. "S.I.L.K., give me an X-ray of the boat and target all the strongest points."
He let himself fall and started firing webs as soon as he was within reach.
"Great job, Peter," she congratulated after he'd gone from one end of the ferry to the other. "You are ninety-eight percent successful."
"Ninety-eight?" Peter asked, watching as she highlighted a pillar.
He heard some people start to cheer for him just before a few of the webs snapped.
Peter immediately dove back in, shouting "No"s as he grabbed a snapped web and shot off another, trying to pull them - and therefore the halves of the boat - together.
Spider-Woman dropped down in front of him, grabbing the webs. "I got them, kid. Tie them together."
Once he'd done that, he helped her back over to one of the sides. "What happened?"
"Later. Just try and keep this thing together as long as you can while Vision and I evacuate everyone."
Peter nodded and swung away. He shot a few webs then sent Droney up so S.I.L.K. could monitor the whole boat and prioritize the areas based on web instability. With her help, he flipped around the boat laying web after web. He'd occasionally see Spider-Woman flipping around or Vision floating by, but focused on his job unless he needed to swing down and catch someone that had fallen between the halves.
"Alright, that's everyone," Spider-Woman said, landing on a web next to him. "Time to go."
"What about the boat?"
"It's a lost cause. Damage Control's sending a team to drag it up."
Peter nodded and shot a web towards the end of the boat where the emergency boats were waiting.
"Maybe I should get Stark to make me some of those," she joked as she followed him.
"I, uh, I actually made them. The webs are my formula and I made the original shooters. Mr. Stark just helped me modify them for more web options."
She smirked as they landed on a rescue boat. "Leave it to Stark to find a supergenius super soldier."
Peter blushed under the mask. "I wouldn't say I'm a super genius."
"Uh-huh. You need some combat training though. Stark showed me some of your fights. You rely too much on the webs and acrobatics. You're stronger and faster than most of the guys you're going up against, you need to learn how to use it. You also need to trust in your spider instincts more."
"Spider instincts?"
She tapped his head. "I know you've got them. I saw the way you looked at me when I got your mask off. It's like a sixth sense, though it's really just your brain processing the information your other five are giving you faster than your human mind can keep up with."
"You mean my danger sense? So it's more like a spider-sense!?"
"Sure," she snorted.
"Can you teach me? How to use it, I mean," Peter asked, bouncing slightly. "Vision's been helping me train, but our powers aren't exactly the same."
"Neither are ours. From what I've seen, you're a bit stronger and dexterous, though not as fast and you don't have venom blasts. I think your healing is better than mine as we-"
"Wait, venom blasts!?" Peter gasped, his bouncing increasing. "Can you shoot venom!?"
"Not exactly," she chuckled, setting her hands on his shoulders to make him stop. She pulled one hand back and held it up between them.
Lighting crackled across her fingertips.
"Woah!"
"It's -"
"Bioelectricity!" Peter cut in. "Spider's use it to give their webs static charges, though I don't think any can produce that much at one time! That's so cool! Why can't I do that? I mean, I can fake it with the taser webs, but that's it."
"Right, supergenius," she muttered. "Probably because of whatever else was mixed into your batch."
"That sucks."
"Are you alright, Peter?" Vision asked as he floated down next to them and Spider-Woman dropped her hands and stepped back.
"I'm good. You?" Peter asked.
Vision nodded. "None of the rescue boats have any injuries to report aside from some minor bumps and scratches."
"That's good."
"So what happened?" Peter asked, looking between them.
"The FBI has been tracking those weapons you found and they got a tip that there was going to be a sell on the ferry. They also heard rumors that there was an enhanced with the dealers so they reached out for backup, just in case. Since I was in the area and have signed the accords, I offered to help.
"The arrest was going fine until the enhanced showed up. He had robotic wings like Wilson's but bigger and bulkier. Probably built for strength over speed. That's when I called you two in. The wings were bulletproof so we needed air support. I was hoping that between your webs and Vision we could take him down, but one of my blasts caught the weapon he was using and it overloaded causing," she gestured towards the sinking ferry. "He and his buddy took off during the commotion."
"Sorry we couldn't get here sooner," Peter said.
She smacked his back. "Stop worrying, kid. You did good."
"I hate you."
Peter rolled his eyes as Harley groaned into the phone.
"First Dad lets you be a superhero, now you get to train with a secret agent. I swear, when I finish Gryphon, the first thing I'm going to do is use it to kick your butt."
"I'd like to see you try!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"Did you get the coordinates or not?"
"Uh… Yep, putting them in now. You know, we're probably going to at least be on a watch list if we do this. Doesn't that go against your whole pure and innocent aesthetic?"
"If it works like it's supposed to, then no one but her will even know."
"And if it doesn't then we're going to be hunted down by a fur-"
"Who are you talking to?"
Peter looked up as Michelle pulled one of his earbuds out of his ear. "Oh, uh, hey Michelle. What are you doing?"
"Liz wanted me to remind you about the photoshoot tomorrow for the yearbook. She said if you miss it, she'll take Flash to the dance."
"I-What!? Really?"
"No, I just wanted to see what face you'd make."
Peter blushed as Harley snickered.
Michelle put the earbud up to her own ear.
"So who are you ta-?" she started to ask just as Harley said, "Is that the girl in your nerd club that you called scary?"
"Harley!" Peter hissed, barely keeping his voice down enough not to get the librarian's attention. "I didn't call you scary."
"Can she hear me? Because you did call her scary."
"A little. I said you could be a little scary sometimes. I didn't mean -"
"Do I scare you, Peter?" Michelle asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I, uh -"
"Good."
Harley laughed and said, "I like her. Hey, Michelle, right? Do you have a date for your school's homecoming dance?"
"Harley, you literally haven't even met her!"
"Yeah, but I need an excuse to give Dad so he'll fly me out to New York to beat you up."
"I'm game," Michelle said with a shrug.
"What!?"
"Cool."
"What is happening?"
"I'm going with your phone friend to homecoming so he can come to New York."
"Keep up, Pete."
"You two don't even know each other?" he reiterated, letting his head fall onto the keyboard of the computer he had been working on before Michelle interrupted.
"Calm down. It's not a date," Michelle snorted, rolling her eyes. "We're just lending each other a hand. He wants to come to New York and I want my mom to stop badgering me to find a date for the dance."
"Glad to be of service."
"Have Peter give you my number," Michelle said, dropping Peter's earbud.
"But I don't have your number."
"Yes you do, check your phone."
Peter checked his contacts. "When did you add yourself to my phone?" he asked, looking up. She was gone. "See, this is why she scares me a little."
"This is even better than meeting Ned."
"Harley, you don't even like dating! Why did you ask her out?"
"Three reasons. One, I can bring you Ana so you can pass her off to Joe for the delivery. Two, I can kick your butt. And three, I get to say I got a date to your homecoming before you did."
"You're the worst."
"Besides, like she said, it's not a date. We're just using each other."
"Please tell me you realize how wrong that sounds."
"It's only wrong if both parties aren't aware and consenting."
"I'm hanging up now."
"Seriously, runt, get a date. Embrace your inner Stark and ask out that Liz girl you've been crushing on. I can't be the only one going to your homecoming."
Peter ended the call.
For the record, before anyone can say anything, Harley and MJ are going as friends. As hinted, Harley's aromantic. He just wants an excuse to come to New York and MJ just wants to mess with Peter.
IDK if Jess's costume was actually designed after a red widow, but it's a heck of a coincidence if it wasn't.
The 3-7 doctorates joke was a reference to the comics where at on point, Tony says he has three doctorates, while at another he says seven. Not sure which is canon so I decided to make Tony unsure too.