I do not own own any part of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
The time has come folks. Our young man's special day has finally arrived.
As always, love and respect to keamoose for kicking my butt and proofreading my work. Very special thanks to Silvermoonlight GJ and jcmoorehead for their feedback, friendship and inspiration.
Hope you enjoy this chapter.
As always, constructive critiques, reviews and feedback are appreciated.
Kensuke neared the NERV fieldhouse and saw the lights and commotion. Cotton Eye Joe blared out and bales of hay were stacked around the front door. Stretch limos and spotless black sedan cars pulled up and delivered their costumed cargo. What stepped out was a mix of older ladies and gentlemen, some in tuxedos and gowns wearing cowboy hats, others in full Western gear. Members of NERV security, sporting black cowboy hats, ushered the guests inside. Getting closer, Kensuke shook his head as he saw the fake hitching posts and wooden fencing that stretched round the front of the building. But it was the sign that was truly cringeworthy. A huge, old school marquee with running and flashing lights announced "Shinji Ikari…..Happy Birthday, L'il Pardner!"
Wearing a red checked shirt, brown cowhide chaps and simple brown cowboy boots and spurs, Kensuke was surprised his NERV-issued clothes actually looked good. A red neckerchief and a light brown ten gallon hat finished off the look. Deciding to play the part, he hitched his thumbs in his belt loops and tried to amble his way inside.
Two sets of doors were open and the guests filed in one at a time. The top level guests were ushered in via their own line, while NERV staff were herded like cattle through the other. Despite the metal detectors going off just about every second, the lines moved along with the kind of efficiency Kensuke had grown used to at work.
Fuyutski scanned the room and did his usual mental checklist. Following Gendo directives was his job, but it didn't mean he had to approve of the commander's choices. The colour scheme was all blues with white bunting and checkerboard. Just like the outside, fake rugged wooden fencing ran round the walls and divided the space in two with a gate. The floor was covered in a mix or sawdust and hay, with carefully defined walkways. On the VIP side of the fence were large round tables with crisp gingham tablecloths and napkins. The place settings were fine china in a Western motif, wine glasses and stainless steel steak knives and forks. On the employee side were long benches and tables covered in plastic kiddie cowboy tablecloths. The theme continued in the napkins, placemats and cutlery. Along one side were covered steam tables, ready to be filled with all manner of buffet food.
"It's all here Commander," Fuyutski thought to himself, "just as ordered." He closed his eyes as the music started. Shaking his head as Muzak versions of Ring of Fire and other country songs filled the room, the sub commander reviewed his orders. "Only six months til retirement," he muttered. "Only six months…"
"Looks appropriate, Sub Commander."
Turning to reply, Fuyutski got his first look at Gendo's outfit. "Good lord," the older gentleman groaned to himself.
There was the head of NERV, clad head to toe in a custom suit. It was more a mural in fabric than a traditional business suit. A night scene of Tokyo III and the Geofront stretched over the pants and over the front of the jacket, complete with constellations dotting the lapels. Gendo moved up to get a good look at the layout. That's when Fuyutski saw the rest. On the back of Gendo's suit was a picture of a stagecoach, in the sky, being pulled by small versions of all three Eva units. A trail of appliqué stars flowed behind the coach. In fact, the entire suit was encrusted in tiny rhinestones. Even his dark blue leather cowboy hat and boots were bedazzled to the point of gaudy. The only thing recognizable was the pair of white gloves the commander always wore.
"I'd….. assumed all senior staff were required to wear dress uniforms and the assigned headgear," Fuyutski said, motioning to his tiny red cowboy hat.
"It was a last minute change of orders. I'm sure I included you in the group email." Gendo pulled out his glasses and continued scanning the scene in front of him.
"Bullshit," Fuyutski thought to himself. He knew the commander enjoyed making him the butt of his warped jokes.
"Are the chefs and grilling stations outside ready?" Gendo asked.
"Yes."
"...and the animals?"
"Yes Commander." The second in command motioned toward a small corral of goats, lambs, and rabbits in the back of the room.
"What about the ponies?"
"Yes sir."
"Excellent. Man your station."
Fuyutski sighed and headed off.
Gendo continued to drink in the surroundings, stopping briefly at the long, decorated head table. Everything was in place, including the image of cowboy Shinji's smiling face hung behind the table.
"Perfect."
The ride was so quiet it was ominous. The driver and security officer were there to do a job, which didn't leave much room for conversation. The raised privacy window didn't help either.
Shinji had surveyed the inside a million times, so all that was left was him, with his thoughts.
"I don't wanna do this… Why the hell am I here again? Can't say no to duty, can't say no to Gendo, can't say no to anything."
He wished Toji were there to joke with him, to remind him they were all idiots. How many times had Toji said the most inappropriate thing at just the right moment? Even though the shit would hit the fan for him, everyone else would be collapsing with laughter. Even at NERV, Toji always knew how far he could push things. Everyone eventually warmed to him and accepted his behavior. His skill as a pilot gave him some slack with the higher-ups and Toji knew it.
Shinji's smile quickly changed as the venue came into sight. The sight of the crowds caused his stomach to churn and he was grateful they were going in through the back entrance. Still, when the car rolled to a stop and the door opened, Shinji felt the same dread. Every good memory of Toji, every coping technique from Dr. Akagi was gone. The familiar feeling of resignation to duty was firmly in place and Shinji felt his stomach flip.
The party was underway but in two very different ways.
The special guests and dignitaries were mingling or waiting at the bar as olde-style bartenders and saloon girls took their orders or served drinks. Gendo was in his element, introducing people, making contacts and showing off his suit. In one corner, a mechanical bull was set up, complete with hay and crash mats. A step stool was in place to help the older guests and NERV security was there to help guests get on and off the bucking bronco. In order to avoid any unfortunate incidents, Gendo had ordered the mechanism slowed to one quarter speed. It was bizarre watching all manner of grey-haired diplomat and head of state bob up and down like a child riding a drugstore pony.
Hired instructors led groups of frail guests in slow-paced line dancing as symphonic versions of country standards replaced the Muzak from earlier.
The smell of barbecuing wagyu beef and sticky, ginger-marinated baby back ribs filled the room as lines of chefs prepared the mains. Sous chefs were busy twice-baking potatoes and boiling sweet peaches and cream corn on the cob. Fresh, hot biscuits and sweet hand-churned butter were almost ready. Huge metal pots filled with molasses and beer baked beans bubbled away. Each table had large bottles of NERV brand wine, champagne and beer.
On the employee side of the floor, the cafeteria staff was buzzing round the fieldhouse kitchen prepping the Salisbury steak, hot dogs and boxed macaroni and cheese. Creamed corn, collard greens and hardtack filled out the rest of the menu. Stations with "Pin the Umbilical Power Cord on the Eva Unit" and "Musical Bridge Chairs" stood empty. Rodeo clowns stood making balloon animals and offering face painting.
On one of the benches, Kensuke sat chatting with Maya, trying to ignore the situation. They agreed this was a farce and were both doing their best to grin and bear it. He knew Hikari would make this whole thing fun, but he hadn't seen her anywhere. He checked his phone. "No messages? Where is she?" he worried. He was about to call her when the lights dimmed and Red River Valley swelled.
A single spotlight shone on Gendo and the light bounced and sparkled off his suit.
"Welcome and howdy y'all. I want to thank everyone for coming tonight, especially all our honoured visitors and foreign dignitaries. Consider NERV your home away from home tonight. We all appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedules to be with us tonight. We are at your disposal, so enjoy. We are livestreaming the party on NERV's channel tonight and souvenirs are available for purchase in the lobby and online. Tonight is a celebration of all things NERV, all things Eva and of course, all things Third Child. So…. I'd like to start by reintroducing our Eva pilots. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from England, Fourth Child, the Illustrious, Mari Makinami!" The spotlight widened and the music changed to Achy Breaky Heart as Mari sprang onstage.
Kensuke's attention was broken as Hikari whispered in his ear, "Hey."
He suddenly felt relaxed as he felt a full body blush come over him. "Where were you? It's not like you to be late," he whispered back.
"I…. can't say. But don't worry OK? Trust me."
"Uh, OK I guess," he answered.
They both turned to see Mari in full Western mode, wearing a dark green madras peasant top with puffy sleeves, tapered pink denim overalls, and dark green, hand-tooled leather boots. A pink straw cowboy hat with a pink and green braided chin strap that hung down below her chin. A mini promenade and bow with a tip of her hat, and Mari was done. The crowd applauded and she moved to the side.
Gendo reappeared, applauding along. "Next up, from Germany, Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu!"
The redheaded firecracker burst onto the stage, shooting finger guns and strutting like a model. At the end of her routine she blew the imaginary smoke from her fingers, smiled wide and took her place beside her roommate. The crowd applauded and whistled.
Mari looked over at Asuka and smiled to herself, "Damn girl, you got the moves."
Gendo reappeared, shot Asuka the finger guns and smiled. "Normally ladies and gentlemen, I'd be introducing the First Child Rei Ayanami next. She's been on secret assignment lately, but fear not. She is still a valuable member of the Eva team."
Rhinestone Cowboy started playing softly in the background as a video playback started. A very young boy wearing a cowboy onesie and riding a stick horse appeared on screen and there was a collective "Awwwwwww" from the guests.
Gendo smiled to himself. "Perfect. I knew filming that kid actor yesterday would work. Take that Fuyutski."
Without missing a beat, Gendo spoke up. "Yes, Shinji was a cowboy from an early age, as you can all see. So without further ado, I give you the birthday buckaroo, from Japan, Third Child, Shinji Ikari!"
The music rose as the spotlight went out. In a split second the light came back up to show Shinji, seated on a small black and white pony with a fully bedazzled bridle and saddle. He let go of the reins, swung his leg over and hopped off. Unseen in the darkness, Fuyutski led the pony offstage.
Fully in the spotlight now, everyone got their first good look at the birthday boy. He was dressed from hat to boots and gloves in violet suede with bright orange and neon green piping. Matching orange and green fringe ran down the outside seams of his pants. A giant Unit 01 head belt buckle, bright silver spurs and a neon green gun belt finished the ensemble. Dying with embarrassment inside, Shinji smiled at the crowd, drew his sidearms and fired off two full rolls of caps. "I want to die," he thought so loud he hoped someone would hear.
Gendo watched the routine and thought, "The cap pistols don't match! Damn you Fuyutski!"
Stepping forward after his performance, Shinji spoke up, "Welco…."
Then Gendo cut in. "Thank you buckaroo! Now everyone, the news we've all been waiting for. The food is ready!"
"Uhhhgh, what time is it?" Kensuke moaned over the music
"Same as when you asked thirty seconds ago. It's 21:30," Hikari responded. "Do you wanna go outside and get some fresh air?"
"I've already done at least five laps of the place. If I have to watch Fuyutski lead one more blue-hair around on a pony ride I'm gonna lose it! I'm soooooo bored," he groaned.
"Yes, I know. You're bored. This party sucks. Gendo is an idiot," Hikari snapped. "How about you come up with some good ideas to kill time instead of just complaining? You know we're all stuck here until midnight. Commander's orders."
"OK then, how about this? Wanna make out?" Kensuke smirked.
"Don't be an idiot." She said, glaring at him.
"Fine. Forget I asked." He got up to leave.
"Now where are you going?"
"If anyone needs me I'll be in the john." Kensuke left in a huff, pushing his way through the crowd.
"Mmmmmm….. save me Cold Shot." Shinji slurped his drink and did his best to enjoy the small break in the insanity.
"Excuuuuuse me, Meester Buckaroo Shinji?"
Shinji shoulders sank. He'd almost made it. "Hello sir," he smiled and bowed.
"Yes, hello. May I have the picture of you and theeee small horse?" the elderly gentleman smiled.
"It would be my honor," Shinji lied. "The pony should be back soon, so why don't you tell…"
That sentence was interrupted abruptly.
"Did somebody call for a poooooooonnnnnnneeeeey? Neeeeeigh!"
In a flash, a brown, shaggy costumed horse appeared in front of the gentleman.
"I was out having some oats, when I heard someone wanted a picture," the horse joked. He nudged the man. "Our Shinji is quite the special boy, don't you think?"
The man was at a loss for words and just nodded.
"Well, how about that picture then?!" the horse said boldly, moving over next to Shinji.
Now it was Shinji's turn to be speechless.
"OK now, one… two…. three!"
Before Shinji could react, the horse had dipped him and mashed his masked head into the young pilot's face.
The camera flash was quick.
Still locked in the dip, Kensuke whispered, "Happy birthday Shin man," then let go and ran off.
Shinji crashed to the floor before he could react.
The roommates were busy, signing autographs and taking pictures. Asuka loved that people were lined up to meet her, so the routine never got old for her. Big smile, flirty compliment. Smile for the camera, click, move on to the next.
"Hi there!" she smiled.
No response.
She realized her fan was distracted, staring at the commotion on the floor. She craned her neck but couldn't see what was happening.
The older lady turned back to Asuka. "Oh, sorry. Everyone at the line dancing is laughing and acting crazy. Someone said NERV hired a clown to spice things up."
The next person in line chimed in. "I heard someone in costume was arm wrestling any takers then doing shots with guests at the bar."
More and more people were starting to compare stories in front of the two pilots. Asuka and Mari just sat back and laughed as the tales got more and more exaggerated.
"Oh yeah? Well, a friend of mine said the tricycle race against the pony was nuts. People were cheering and the pony almost won."
Gendo was confused. Every time he tried to start a conversation with someone, they'd lose interest, become distracted. He didn't even know where Shinji was.
"Fuyutski, what's the meaning of this?"
"It seems there's something going on out there. We have security teams combing the crowd right now sir."
"Something? Can you be more specific?" Gendo was getting annoyed.
"Reports range from room sized Twister matches to slip and slide contests and jello shots at the pool here, sir."
From behind, Gendo heard a strange voice say, "He forgot to mention a pony kicking you in the butt!"
Kensuke, still in costume, playfully booted Gendo in the butt and sent the commander tumbling to the floor.
"The winner and still champeeeen! Neeeeiiiigh!" Waving his fake hooves over his head in a victory clasp, Kensuke dashed off into the crowd.
Fuyutski couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't just stand there!" Gendo yelled, "Call security!"
Kensuke made a beeline for the fake fence and hopped it in one shot. He spotted Hikari trying to check out the scene and snuck up beside her.
"Want to go for a ride?"
Hikari turned and saw Kensuke. "Are you crazy? Do you know how much trouble you're in?"
Kensuke stamped his foot twice.
She grinned and shook her head. "OK you win. This is definitely not boring."
Kensuke stamped his foot twice, more emphatically this time.
"And you do look kinda cute." She scratched his horsey chin. Looking over Kensuke's shoulder, Hikari spied security headed their way. "Now go," she whispered, "I'll distract them." Kensuke was out of sight when Hikari explained to the security staff that she had seen someone in a realistic horse costume run outside. The team hurried off.
Tiny blue and orange lights blipped on and off, barely illuminating the room.
"Cruuuunch! Crunch, crunch..."
Shinji grabbed another handful of Super Cheez Doodles and took a swig of warm Gorilla Grape soda. It was a weird combination, but right now it was all he needed. Sure the pop was flat and the snacks were stale but they tasted amazing sitting there, alone in the almost dark. Ever since Kensuke discovered an access panel that ran under the Data Centre to Gendo's private server room, he and Shinji had set up camp. They snuck in stockpiles of snacks and manga and disappeared whenever things got crazy. Tonight was crazy times ten.
"Ahhhhhhh, this is definitely better than your stupid-ass party," he imagined telling off Gendo. Reaching over and opening their hiding spot, Shinji searched through the reading material.
"There you are," he smiled. Pulling out his phone, he switched on flashlight mode and scanned the cover. His smile grew wider, until he heard thumping from behind the far wall and shuffling sounds leading up to the vent in the floor three feet from where he sat.
"Shit." He scrambled to put everything back and switch off his phone. "I told Kensuke they'd eventually find us out," he thought. Crouching in the dark, Shinji waited for the security team to bust in and take him back. He heard the noise under the floor getting closer, then the cover popped off and clanged on the floor. Turning his phone toward the noise, Shinji watched as a backwards horse head popped up from below.
"Fer fuck sakes Kensuke!" Shinji exhaled. "You scared the shit outta me."
"Shiimfi? Gmma haaan maaa!" Kensuke called out.
Shinji crawled over, pulled off the fake head, and started laughing.
Kensuke spun round and shielded his eyes. "Hey, could you not shine that thing right in my eyes?"
"Sorry." Shinji laid his phone down.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to crawl here with your head on backwards?" Kensuke stared at his friend.
"I thought you were Gendo's goons coming to bring me back to the party. Worse, I figured they'd bust me for breaking in here then drag me back," Shinji chuckled.
Kensuke pulled himself up and sat facing Shinji. "So, enjoying your birthday yet?" He started pulling off the costume.
"Yeah sure."
"Lemme guess," Kensuke gave his friend a look. "Orange fingers… check." He leaned in and took a sniff. "A touch of the grape… check. All that's missing is that new fanzine you've been raving about."
Shinji pulled out the fanzine and blurted, "Hey, it's got some great artwork and stories OK?"
"Buddy, I checked it out already," Kensuke laughed. "It's pretty much 100 pages of filth."
"It is not!" Shinji protested.
"Like for real? The first page is just boobs. Then it's just smutty art, fics and comics." Kensuke grinned.
They both burst out laughing.
"OK, fine. So this isn't the best birthday, but being in here is better than being out there," Shinji admitted.
"So why don't you just jet?"
"Are you kidding? I'd never make it out of the building. Shinji Ikari, birthday boy, abandons his own party to hide at home. Gendo would have them scoop me up and shut me up in a second. I just want a few more minutes of peace and quiet before I head back to the madhouse. OK?"
"True," Kensuke pondered. "Unless… you had a friend with a disguise. Say a horse costume?"
"That would be bad." Shinji smiled.
"Yeah, terrible." Kensuke grinned back.
Shinji lunged for the costume and started suiting up.
"OK, so you stay here for a coupla minutes after I leave, then book it outta here. Get on the first train and don't look back. I'd also recommend keeping the horse suit on until you're safe. Don't want anyone to recognize you before you get home," Kensuke counselled.
"You're staying?" Shinji was shocked.
"I can go back in like nothing's happened. Plus, Hikari is…."
"OK, I get it," Shinji smiled. "If you kiss her the same way you kissed me…"
"Cut it out, OK?" Kensuke started blushing. "Just finish getting ready."
In a minute, Shinji was watching his friend head back under the floor. The next five minutes felt like an hour, but the thought of escaping was worth it. Popping the head on, Shinji crawled out of the room and carefully made his way outside.
Gasping for breath, Shinji was bent over on the train platform. He'd run like a madman from the minute he'd left and now, under the head, he was sweating like crazy.
"Mommy, horsey!" a little girl pointed with glee.
Her mother looked and nodded. "Yes dear, now let's go home."
"Is the horsey going home too?" the little girl asked.
"I don't know honey, now come on."
Shinji looked around and realized hardly anyone else was looking at him. He relaxed a bit and checked the screens for the next train. "Less than a minute, thank god."
The train was jammed with people so he stood the whole way back. Again, almost no one took notice of a horse riding the train. Shinji was feeling good until a thought occurred. He'd gotten this far but Gendo would definitely have forces camped outside the apartment. He was just starting to panic as the train pulled into the station. As he made his way out, his eyes were darting left and right for any sign of anything NERV.
Standing outside, he turned to walk home when a familiar van rolled up.
"Hey there Ponyboy. Get in."