"You've asked to see me, milady." More anxious than she cared to admit, Tarisilya stopped at the stairs in Lady Galadriel's garden. She had been in this facilities countless times, to relax after long journeys or to find peace when everywhere else in Caras Galadhon it had been too loud. But never at this time.
With clouds veiling the moon, the blackness of the night drowned everything in an unsettling grey light. The trees didn't look as inviting as usual but cold and bare. For the first time in a long time, Tarisilya was afraid to step on something and cut the soles of her feet.
Tegiend was often woken up in the middle of the night when they needed him to be on guard, but what could Galadriel want from her at an hour like this?
"Come to me, child of the moon." Galadriel stood at the mysterious fountain Tarisilya had heard so much about already.
Knowing from experience that with this elf, asking never helped, she went to stand behind her as quietly and patiently as possible.
"Your father came to see me this morning. Long have I expected him. It is hard, fighting for a world that sees such peril for a second time when somewhere else, peace is waiting."
Galadriel dipped a fingertip in the quiet water, causing circles that made her unusually pale appearance blur. "A destiny that my heart has to learn how to accept. In the end, there won't be many of us dwelling in Middle-earth."
"This world isn't lost yet, milady." Tarisilya wasn't half as surprised as Galadriel might think.
Vandrin had been more or less openly talking about wanting to settle in Valinor for years. Although the thought of living without him was unbelievably cruel, Tarisilya was aware that Vandrin had fought for Middle-earth for ages and looked back on his time here with both happiness and grief. He had earned a quiet evening of his life more than anyone.
Tarisilya on the other hand, belonged here. Not forever, she was honest enough to admit that. What she had never thought possible when she had been young, after the last incidents now was clear to her. As much as she loved Middle-earth, one day she would be drawn to the west as well. In a far distant future, when Legolas' and her life together would long have normalized. That was why Vandrin's decision hurt her less than expected. This good-bye would not be their last. Besides, she would still have Tegiend. After the last millennium, Tarisilya was actually quite good at missing people, for centuries if need be.
"Then we are both among those with enough strength to withstand the shadow." Galadriel smiled at her approvingly.
"Yet I worry about the source of your strength, and that being without your father will leave you with a life of loneliness. I was surprised to see your brother and you come home alone."
With tight lips, Tarisilya stepped back, retreating from the fountain, that magic that always had frightened her and tonight felt more threatening than ever.
Leave it to Galadriel to praise you first and then push you into an emotional abyss. Apparently the Lady just couldn't help but reading Tarisilya's thoughts and therefore knew, of course, about the events in Imladris that Tarisilya had told no one in Lórien about. If Galadriel had a problem with them, she should just confront Tarisilya. Not throw insults at her, coupled with yet another incomprehensible lecture.
"Why did you call me here?"
"What is it that you fear, child of the moon?" Galadriel followed her until Tarisilya stood with her back to a tree and couldn't go any further. Her usually so sympathetic eyes had darkened, her whitely features turned haggard. "What kind of love causes too much pain to reveal it to the world?"
Tarisilya felt suddenly more afraid than ever before in Galadriel's presence.
This was no longer the elf who was wisely ruling Lórien along with her husband, ever since Amroth's disappearance. A dark enchantress was standing right in front of her, who for some reason wanted her on her side and wouldn't allow her to say no.
"What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me?"
"It is not I who is hurting you. You see in me but the epitome of your pain." Galadriel raised her hand to her cheek. Her fingers felt like coldest marble. "These tears you cry will accompany you through every hour of this war. Not only your father will leave you. Your brother has long heard the call of the west as well. With only a few other elves you will be waiting in our fortress, while the marchwardens will try to keep death away. And the one who promises you eternity won't be with you for even one day."
"That's not true." Though Tarisilya's words were only a whisper, they roared through the emptiness of the garden like thunder, at least as powerful as Galadriel's voice.
"That's not true!" Using the strength her anger was granting her, she shoved Galadriel away as if she was wrestling with her brother instead of facing one of the oldest elves of Middle-earth. "Why are you forcing me to see a future I didn't ask for? I don't care what your Mirror says about my fate! My life is in my own hands! I did everything I could for my dream and was rewarded with the happiness I yearned for so long. Do you seriously think I would cop out now that he needs me the most? No one will ever see that happen, no matter how many people are against us! Not from me, and not from him either!"
Only when the echo of her screams faded away and the nightingales, after a frightened pause, started their song again, Tarisilya realized what she had done. Startled, she lowered her head and bit her lip but then looked up with ongoing determination. She had only said what was in her heart. If Galadriel banned her from the woods for that, she would leave. Even if she had to set up camp by the borders of Mirkwood, like Legolas had in the beginning, and wait for him every day.
With her gentle, reserved appearance back, Galadriel looked like nothing had ever happened. Most tender care flashed in her eyes – and pride. "Your hand, child of the moon."
A little calmer but still confused, Tarisilya held out her right hand to her. A touch as a peace offering, from Galadriel? Very doubtful.
"Palm up." Two small, cool items touched Tarisilya's skin, then Galadriel closed Tarisilya's fist around them. "Galadriel's Blessing. To strengthen the power already within you. As your heart is true, child of the moon, walk down your difficult path with my best thoughts and wishes going with you."
Her hand trembling, Tarisilya held the gift into the light. Two identical silver, slightly ribbed rings, without adornment or marking, completely unspectacular. And still they glistened brightly in the light of the night. "What will we see when we wear them, milady?"
"Your greatest fear. Pain and suffering of the one you love most." Galadriel placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "Let this knowledge change the fate you fear so much. And the fate of the one who might become our hope one day."
"You scare me, Ilya." When the fourth hour in a row passed without Tarisilya moving away from the window, Tegiend couldn't stand her silent, ceaseless tears anymore. "For you, I kept my mouth shut, since the night you found your luck, hoping that you would finally share with me again what grieves you so much. Do you want to shut me out completely now?"
"How could I? How do I live without the other part of myself?" Only her eyes moved his way. Her posture was stiff as if she had merged with that spot always lit by the moon the most. "You tell me because I don't know what becomes of me once you leave with ada."
"Who said anything about that?" Startled, he pulled her into his arms. "Ada isn't going anywhere, and neither am I! How can you even …?" He stopped abruptly. "You went to see Lady Galadriel."
"I didn't need her to tell me. I know how much your Sea-longing has been troubling you two." Tarisilya tiredly shook her head. "I have no right to be in your way."
"But the chance to spare me this decision." If she was hoping for comfort, she would now have to realize that Tegiend was not ready to give it to her anymore. He had taken care of her for so long, ignoring all of his own wants and needs. Now he wanted to and he needed to think about himself.
"As long as even a single elf in Lórien needs protection and Haldir has use for my abilities and my support in his troops, I will gladly fulfill my calling as a marchwarden. If you are right though, if ada should decide to give up everything he has achieved here, both my love for him and my heart would win. Every scream of the white gulls out there begs me to turn my back on the darkness in Middle-earth."
"And be gone when it finally clears up?" Tarisilya knew of all this. But hearing it out loud now deepened those wounds festering already.
Tegiend hesitated to answer. For the first time in forever, he let her see tears in his eyes.
"As much as it pains me to say, I do not have this hope anymore. Not the hope that it will stop this time, and if it does, none that it won't happen again. The Valar called the elves home when they were first exposed to the dangers of this world. Maybe it is their will that we live in reclusion. Is that idea so horrible? A place where you can forget all the bad things you saw here? Where maybe nana is waiting for us? No, don't answer that. I can feel it in your tormented soul that you are pondering this already. That's all I'm asking. That's all that ada will want to know too. Just promise me to figure out if there really is no alternative for you, before you ask me to pick one."
"Tegiend!" The wall finally shattered, Tarisilya threw her arms around her brother, sobbing.
It was dawning already when her tiredness defeated her grief.
"With that look on your face, maybe I'll better leave you alone." Legolas regretted it before he had even finished the sentence.
His lousy mood wasn't Tarisilya's fault. That she wasn't over the moon about them not meeting for way too long once more, shouldn't surprise him.
And instead of asking her if she wanted to talk about it … "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you wait so long." He tiredly rubbed his eyes. This was not how he had imagined this day would go.
It took Tarisilya a while before she could bring herself to answer. "No, you're right. I'm not feeling good. I'm not doing either of us a favor by not telling you why. If we can't manage to talk, we might as well turn back now and start writing letters."
And riding all the way to Rohan had definitely taken them too long for that. On any other day, she would have been happy to feel Legolas close and waiting for her. Ever since that conversation with Lady Galadriel at the beginning of the year, and the one with her father on the day after that, everything had changed somehow.. Not even the excitement of getting to know a new place helped, a tiny village at the very edge of Rohan, with large meadows and fields, and many spots where Legolas and her could be all by themselves. Like this deserted paddock right here. Yet this evening, none of them could really enjoy the feeling of grass under their bare feet.
When Tarisilya let Legolas know that Vandrin's decision to leave Middle-earth was now set in stone, he didn't try to keep up a smile anymore, that she had long identified as false anyway. "When?" He quickly took her hand; she could feel his pulse starting to race.
In spite of the depressing topic, it was nice how natural such gestures were already. And that outside of Mirkwood, no one cared about two lovers who were forced to hide.
"He doesn't know. He's not in a hurry and has much to organize. But I don't expect him to still be here at the end of the century. Maybe he won't even last 20 years." As Tarisilya's fingertips absently traced Legolas' palm, she could feel calluses from practicing archery for centuries. Thanks to his tunic sleeve exposing some of his lower arm, she could see small scars on his skin and wondered where they came from. She had been looking forward so much to talk to Legolas at length, to finally learn about all these things ... She still wanted to, but today, she didn't have the strength.
"He leaves it to us to decide alone, you know. When Tegiend and me were in Imladris for the turn of the year of Men, he realized that he has really let us go. He wasn't worried about us for even a second. He knows how capable a fighter Tegiend is and how well he takes care of me. He looks upon us with pride and would never order us to come along on such a final journey."
"But you want to," Legolas realized, visibly shocked. "So you already gave up on Middle-earth as well."
"No, my prince." His premature judgement elicited a bitter smile from her. "Just like the elf who was always something like a foster mother to me, I'm one of those whose souls are chained by hope. I want everything to be as it once was. If uck is on our side, we might have a very long, beautiful time left on this world, maybe with your father or in Lórien, if we make it to cast away shadows of the past. But once even our own realms turn emptier by the decade … Then I would one day give in to the yearning for my father and the others who left. The yearning to maybe finally be allowed to get to meet my mother. Probably to the yearning for my brother too, depending on what he decides. He still hopes for me to go with him and ada."
"Is that what you want, Ilya, accompanying them? You're deflecting." Legolas startled when Tarisilya pulled back her hand and her eyes suddenly flashed with anger.
"By the stars, I don't know! Do you think it will be easier if you all keep pushing me? You're just like my brother!" The honest confusion and offense on his face brought her to tears. Why was she treating him like that?
It was only natural that he didn't her want to leave him alone, especially since he couldn't seem to make up his mind about ever wanting to leave this world or not. There was much more holding him back.
"This is not a place for such a conversation." Legolas whistled for the horses and motioned Tarisilya to get on Manyala.
It felt unfamiliar, being in a saddle. They were both as uncomfortable with it as the horses. The disadvantage of wanting to visit cities of Men without revealing yourself as an elf, for elves were rare guests there and not always welcome.
When they took a broad rural road into a piece of fir forest, passing merely a few houses built at wide intervals, Legolas spoke up again. "You're right, you know. Elfkind is is dying out in Middle-earth. Not many elflings were born in Mirkwood in the last two hundred years that we know of. Some people want to wait, and are already toying with the idea of leaving. And in a way, I get that, especially when you're yearning for family and friends there. But isn't the loneliness ehre all the more a reason to keep up the fortresses and fight for a safe world that the last of us can populate? Where our numbers might increase again someday?"
"That's possible as well," Tarisilya nodded. "If I'd spent as much time here as you and your father, that would probably be my endeavor as well. A few weeks back I wouldn't have believed how much I'm suddenly feeling drawn away from here. You know how much I always loved this world. That's why I'm not ruling out this future. I will you support you best as I can, whatever fate has planned for you in the next years. If the shadow can be defeated and life begins again here … Who knows what happens to the rest of us then? I think it would be wonderful if there were new dwellings. But you should know even better than me how long an eternity can be. As little as I would refuse a happy life among Men, I am asking you just as much to not leave our home in the west out of sight. One day, the call of the sea will reach you as well. It took me years to understand that I heard it on my travels with ada and Tegiend already, and did only suppress that with all of my strength."
In the following minutes, she gave him time to process all that and let the impressions of the area wash over her. Rohan, with so much level country and the love of its people for the horses, just like Gondor was among the regions where she felt most comfortable. There were enough unspoiled places around here, like these woods where they quickly left the road, letting the horses find their own way through the gently undulating landscape.
"When I wonder how it is to be really happy in Middle-earth again, I have images like these in my head." Tarisilya dismounted to feel the ground beneath her feet as Vandrin would have put it. Only then you could really tell the kind of land you had entered. A broad tree trunk, the last holdfast on top of a steep hillside, invited her to lean against it and let the sounds of the night fill her. Feeling the fir with her whole body, its pulsating bark, breathing in its pleasant scent, she tried to just be glad that at least nothing could defeat nature itself so easily.
"I've taken enough time to learn. Now I want to feel the life in me. You are a part of it that I don't want to miss anymore. I just don't know if I can really be happy without my father and especially my brother. And if I can, for how long."
"Look at me, Ilya."
She knew he was about to say something important. He sounded just like in Imladris when he had confessed his love to her. But that he had bent the knee for her, while she had been staring at that village far below them, she definitely hadn't seen coming.
"Don't do that, Legolas. Don't put me on a pedestal so high, you won't be able to reach me at some point." This worshiping gesture made her uncomfortable, feeling like a stranger to herself, and she didn't like that at all. "I don't want to be anything better or worse than you. I want us to be equals."
"Which is exactly why I am renouncing my descent for one night, moon-queen, as a simple elf of Mirkwood looking up to you, to ask you for your love. Just like your parents once found each other across all the borders between our realms." Legolas' eyes in the starlight were shining, revealing how much Tarisilya's words had thrown him off balance.
"I wish I could promise you a safe tomorrow. I can't even promise you enough peace to enter Lórien like one of you whenever I want to see you."
"I've never asked that of you." She wished he would get up. She understood that he tried to make her see how helpless he was standing before her, because he couldn't provide a home for their love, but did he have to make that such a spectacle? Funny to think, Tarisilya had heard some people say, Legolas wasn't prone to his father's exorbitance.
Only belatedly, her mind signaled her that Legolas had just asked her something she could impossibly have gotten right. Apparently, that wine she'd had earlier, hadn't agreed with her. "What?"
"Marry me, Ilya," Legolas repeated calmly.
Vandrin let his son persuade him only reluctantly to forget about his records for a few minutes and go for a ride. He really had other things to do right now. But Tegiend's disappointed look quickly reminded him of one particular thing, he would maybe have to deal with soon - namely, not seeing his kids for a very long time. Books could wait.
"Is your sister not coming?" he asked, confused about finding Tegiend by the stables only with his stallion Matis and Vandrin's mare.
"Ilya has been doing nothing but lying around in her room and drawing for three weeks," Tegiend replied with a half-unnerved, half-amused sigh. "Punishment will come soon enough. Manyala will waste no time unseating her after she's been neglecting her so much."
"That's not like her at all. Do you know what's going on with her?" His own question had Vandrin frowning. In the past, he'd asked it differently. In the past, he wouldn't have any doubt that Tegiend knew exactly what was up. These days, Tarisilya didn't even tell her beloved brother everything.
At least it was a little bit like the old days: Tegiend actually blushed, very softly, visible only to the attentive eyes of a father, and stared into space. Just like back then, when Tarisilya had asked him to keep her secrets. Not once had he betrayed her to their curious father. "If I'm not mistaken, you are about to find out."
"Once more, I come here as a stranger and do not dare to knock. Please forgive the discretion, Vandrin. Thank you, Tegiend."
Legolas quickly nodded at Tarisilya's brother, the silent request to leave them alone.
"Nothing wrong with a little ride outside the gates." Vandrin fortunately didn't seem to resent Legolas for the secrecy. Carefully hiding how much the visit was taking him by surprise, he openly inspected Legolas' appearance, his manner, everything that had changed since their meeting all those centuries ago. "Tidings were brought of you getting injured in Imladris."
"Lord Elrond's foster son and I were attacked by hostile Men. It's only thanks to your daughter's skills that I am still alive. And thus thanks are due to you, her teacher." Legolas gave him the hint of a bow.
Vandrin, just like they said about Lady Galadriel, was not an elf of many words. With so many centuries on this world, apparently you got tired of small talk at some point. Legolas wasn't surprised when he stopped abruptly, impatiently, looking at him like when he had forbidden him to see Tarisilya.
"Let's cut this short. I'm not talking to an immature boy anymore, you don't have to prove that first. What I am seeing here is a fighter coming to me with his heart in his hand. Thank you for that; I do appreciate the sincerity. I have long released my daughter into the life of a grown up, and judging by her change since Imladris, her feelings for you are the same. You might still have to ask your father for permission, but not me. I'm glad for her, though your relationship will demand a very hard decision from her at some point soon."
"Harder than you think, I'm afraid." Now that the spell was broken, Legolas also got straight to the point. "I asked Tarisilya to marry me, and I come to seek your blessing."
For long seconds, it felt like Sauron's banishment from Dol Guldur had never happened. The sky lost all color, and the sounds of the surroundings failed. The coldness of fear flooded Legolas' soul when Vandrin's friendly expression immediately turned sour.
"You do know how to chain an elf's heart to yours. Just like some people said about me when I married Tarisilya's mother. If my daughter is to share her fate, what objection can I have? She is happy. In spite of all troubles ahead of you, and in spite of how much the decision will tear her apart, which world shall be her home ... In the end, that's all that counts for a father."
Vandrin shortly brushed Legolas's shoulder. "I keep my promises. I told you I wouldn't deny you my daughter. You give me no reason to revoke that permission. My thoughts are with you. Before you thank me though, hear my only condition."
"If I'm reading your sympathy for my difficult situation right, I already know it, ada." No, that wasn't too easy to say yet. They both smiled at it. "Ilya has enough that weighs on her heart, without getting entangled in a feud that isn't even her own. And at this point, I do not want to rebel against my father. For now, no one will learn about this. That gives everyone a chance to internalize the new situation."
"The wisdom of your age speaks for you, Legolas." Another touch, this time one that Legolas knew from Thranduil. An appreciative and supporting grip around his upper arms that made his frustration about his father's stubbornness a little easier.
Vandrin used the chance to look at Legolas' hands but didn't seem to find what he was looking for. "I could swear, Ilya has started wearing a piece of jewelry that I've never seen before."
"It didn't come from me. It was a gift of her foster mother. The second one, she gave to me." Lowering his head, Legolas gathered up his hair so Vandrin could see the silver twinkle at his neck, where said ring was braided into one strand. "Archer," he smiled, apologizing, when he saw Vandrin's slightly peeved expression. "I don't want to risk losing it, or miss a target because of it and lose my life in battle. Ilya carries my promise with her that I'll be wearing this ring on my finger once Middle-earth survives the upcoming war and our new life will finally begin for us."
The resignation with which Vandrin looked east considerably dampened the mood. "For Ilya's sake, I wish I still had the illusion that this day will come, ion nín. But I'm afraid, we will be meeting again with the rest of the elves in Valinor and mourn a lost world, once Sauron rises again."
"As long as there's even a spark of hope in me that it won't come to that, my fate is bound to Middle-earth." It was hard to not let so much pessimism infect him. "Everything is possible, ada. That's all that is certain right now. With your trust in me in my heart, I return to Mirkwood."
"Until we meet again."
Vandrin watched Legolas leave until the figure in the distance wasn't visible even to elven eyes anymore. He'd mentioned another meeting ... But without having mental powers like his late wife or the gift of foresight like Lady Galadriel, his heart knew without a doubt that he would not see the elf again who would take care of his daughter from now on.
At least not in Middle-earth.