A/N: Hello my wonderful readers! I hate to be 'that writer,' but if anyone would like to, please check out my fanfic Prohibited Passion. I would appreciate getting more readers on that story, as I am trying to work really hard on it (It's actually one of my favorite ones to write currently). I think the summary is throwing people off on what I normally write, but it's certainly not coming off in that way, so anyone willing to check it out would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

The decision became that Steve and Two-Bit would stay at the Curtis household while Darry and Soda were gone. Steve and Pony were not equipped to be alone, so having all 3 together seemed ideal. Soda was very worried about it, and didn't want to leave. Darry was anxious, and figured out a way they'd only have to be gone for a couple days. It wasn't the perfect solution, but it was the best they all could do. Dally and Johnny said they'd stay around as much as they could too.

"It will be fine," Two-Bit assured Soda, "Really. I'll keep an eye on everything."

"Yeah, we don't need another phone call that cuts our trip short," Soda said quietly.

"I have a feeling you wouldn't mind that this time though."

"Not really. I'll find any excuse to turn around," Soda rolled his eyes, "Once Darry gets home from work today we'll be heading out."

"Alright. I'll go home and grab a few things so I really can stay here the whole time. With how Darry sounded, I am not allowed to step foot out of the house the next three days."

"We really appreciate it Two-Bit."

As soon as Darry got home, him and Soda got there stuff in the truck. The plan was to arrive at their aunts late that night, go to the lawyer's tomorrow, and hopefully leave by the next afternoon and get home later that night. Darry wasn't willing to take chances on staying much longer. Both the older brothers worried about Pony. They were worried if he'd have a nightmare, and then what he would do about that nightmare. They were worried if Steve would be able to handle Pony's nightmare. They were worried if Pony had already tried cutting, and they just didn't know it. Soda was anxious that Steve already went back to cutting.

"Have fun with the boys," Soda smiled as he pulled Pony into a hug, "Behave yourself. Call me if you have a nightmare or are having any thoughts you shouldn't be, alright?"

"I know Soda, I will. I promise," Pony grinned, "Don't have too much fun with Darry."

Soda sighed and chuckled, "Oh yeah."

Walking outside, Soda found Steve standing in the driveway, just staring at the street. Soda walked around in front of him and hugged him. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise."

"How can you be sure?" Steve asked quietly.

"Call me anytime. I don't care if it's the middle of the night. Just call me," Soda broke the hug and looked at his best friend, "I know you're freaking out about what you did, but we'll figure it out. You should go talk to Rachel."

Steve looked down, "I know I should, but I'm scared to."

"Why?"

"Admitting what happened, admitting I stole the car, admitting I cut myself, admitting I fell back to square one."

"But she can give you the best advice to not stay at square one," Soda watched as Steve's eyes grew with fear, "If you want to wait a few days, I'll come with you to talk to her. But don't wait if you can't. Promise me that, okay? If you keep feeling the urges, just go see her."

Steve slowly nodded, "Okay. I will."

"Can I ask you something?" Soda asked.

"Sure."

Soda took awhile to spit out his question, "Do you think Pony's...already tried it?"

Steve thought for a minute, "I'm not sure what I want to say."

"Just tell me the truth. Please."

"If you're wondering if I know for sure or if he's said anything to me, then it's no."

"No I know he wouldn't just flat out tell you, but..." Soda paused, "You know the signs, you know how you've acted and the excuses you'd make up. Do you think Pony has done it? I mean he's admitted he's thought about it."

"I don't want to say he has, because I don't know for sure," Steve said as he looked off to the side.

"Just spill it Steve," Soda softly said, "Just tell me."

Steve sighed, "Okay, if he were to come to me or you or Darry or Johnny or whoever and admit that he did do it..."

"You wouldn't be surprised?" Soda finished the sentence.

"Not really."

"Well can you talk to him about it?" Soda asked.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Soda asked in a pleading tone.

"Soda, I can't just ask him, he'll deny it. You can't have him think we don't trust him or anything."

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

Steve shrugged, "He may not even be doing it. If he does try though, hopefully we catch him in the act. That's how you found out about me."

Soda slowly nodded, "Yeah I did. Just take care of each other, alright?"

Steve sat on the front porch as the truck drove away. He was out there for awhile, feeling his anxiety grow, unsure what to do next.

"Hey," Two-Bit greeted as he stepped outside, taking a cigarette out of his pocket.

"Hey," Steve looked down.

"Want to talk?"

"I don't know."

"Well I do. Why did you do it?"

Steve sighed.

"I'm serious Steve. Why did you follow Shepard along?"

Steve couldn't look up at the disappointment on his friend's face.

"Well you obviously understand why everyone's mad."

"Yeah, I don't like it. And I'm sorry."

Two-Bit blew out a couple smoke rings as he changed the subject, "So what else has been going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not dumb Steve. It's one thing for Soda and Darry to ask me to watch Pony, I get why they asked that. When Soda brings up that you can't be home alone too, that I wasn't so sure about. So what's going on?"

"I...just feel like I'm on a downward slope right now. I just can't get control. And whenever I do think I have control, I just slip again. Like this whole car thing, I thought I had control over it. No one had to know about it. Soda wouldn't have to know. But he showed up and saw me red-handed. I thought I had control, and I slipped. And now I'm going through personal shit that won't let me get back in control."

"Two-Bit, I really need you to understand what's going on." Soda had pulled Two-Bit over in private before he left with Darry. He wasn't sure how much Two-Bit really knew was going on.

"Well honestly Soda, I do get why you don't want Steve to watch Pony alone this time."

"But Steve can't be left alone either."

"What do you mean?"

"He'll be here the whole time too. He can't go home and be alone."

"Why?"

Soda shook his head, "He's just going down a dark path right now. He needs to be kept an eye on."

Two-Bit shuffled uncomfortably, "What's going on? Tell me."

Later that night, Ponyboy went out for a cigarette and Steve decided to join him. He wanted to try to talk to the young greaser again about what he did.

"Hey," Steve said leaning against the porch.

"Hey, " Ponyboy said as he lit up.

Steve sighed, "You know, we haven't really gotten the chance to talk about things."

Pony just shrugged, "Well talk."

"I can assume you're pretty mad at me."

"I was."

"Was?"

"Yeah, I don't know. Why did you do it?"

"Kid, I wish I knew the answer."

Pony looked up at Steve, "Well try an answer for this one, why did you have that panic attack?"

"Well... what I was trying to tell you was sending me back to a time I didn't want to revisit."

"You cut again didn't you?" Pony asked without missing a beat. He knew that if he had cut after the situation, it only made sense Steve could have too.

Steve looked at the young greaser surprised, "Yeah...I did."

Pony could feel his curiosity rising at the topic. It wasn't just curiosity. He was proud of what he had accomplished with it. He almost wanted to brag. He wanted to talk about it. "How did it make you feel?"

Steve slowly shook his head, "Ashamed. I was...so scared."

"Really?" Pony asked, trying not to sound too surprised or disappointed.

"You don't get it Pony," Steve said, trying not to look down at his arm, "I've gone 2 years now without falling back, and...I messed up."

"Well, I mean, no one's perfect."

"No, but...one fall back can sure make you feel like you failed everything."

"Well I'm here for you Steve. Really. You've been here for me plenty."

"Thanks buddy," Steve grinned. He remembered Soda's concern before leaving and decided to try and take a chance. "How about you?"

"How about me what?"

"Are you still having curious thoughts about it?" Steve asked as he took a seat next to Ponyboy.

Pony shrugged as he formed the lie in his head, "I don't know. Maybe I did when I heard you went and stole that car, but then seeing your panic attack...that was a lot to take in."

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Steve shook his head, "I..." Steve froze as he saw an all too familiar car park across the street. "Pony, go inside."

"Why? Are you going to have another attack? Should I get Two-Bit?"

"No, no, just go inside. I got matters to take care of."

Pony was confused, but listened as he tossed his cigarette and walked inside the house.

Steve waited a moment, knowing the person inside the car was looking up at him, waiting. He slowly walked down the driveway and across the street. The car's window rolled down.

"Hi Steve."

"Hey Gracie. What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to talk. Soda's not here is he?"

Steve slowly shook his head, "Sorry to disappoint you."

"Steve stop," Gracie quickly stepped out of her car as she sensed Steve's impatience, "I'm not here for Soda."

"Not this time, huh?"

"Steve, I wasn't out for Soda at all. He showed up at Tim's and waited for you to get back. I'm sure that's what Soda told you, and it was the truth. Nothing was going on."

"Don't put it on Soda. I know you didn't shy away from talking to him when he did show up. You just wanted to add onto us and get us to fight."

"Please Steve. Let's put that ugly mess behind us. That wasn't just me you know. You're the one who messed up. If I wasn't there, Soda would have still been angry with you for what you did."

"Would you just go away?" Steve gripped his hair, "I don't even understand why you're back around me. You tore my heart. You didn't even care."

"I did Steve," Gracie begged, "At least I did after I realized what I had lost. I miss you Steve, terribly. I'll admit I only started hanging around Tim, because he wanted me to get your attention. I knew I'd get to possibly be around you, and...I don't know, now I can't stop thinking about us."

"Gracie, damnit I can't do this right now! I have so much shit going on, and I'm not exactly at the top of my friend's list right now. Besides, if you're hanging around Shepard and them, I can't be around them. Tim's got himself in deep shit, and I can't be in that right now," Steve shook his head.

"I'm not hanging around them anymore Steve. Anyway, Tim is pretty much done with you. He wasn't going to need anything else from you. He just wanted to teach those guys a lesson for trying to trick him on his order."

Steve looked up at Gracie, "What are you talking about?"

"The order he wanted."

Steve walked closer to Gracie as he talked low, "You mean to tell me Tim got me involved in some fucking drug deal mess? Not because these guys were hitting on his sister?"

"What? God no, who told you that?"

Steve rolled his eyes in frustration, "Nothing."

"Those guys are from Yale Steve, I figured you knew this whole mess had to be drug related."

"You know what," Steve said angrily, "I don't even care. I'm done with it. Tim used me as his little puppet, so congratulations to him. I hope to never see his ass again."

"You don't have to," Gracie said, "I'm sorry I tried to get in the middle of it. I'm not going back to that shit either."

"Well good," Steve turned around to go back towards the house.

"Can you just think about it?"

"Think about what?" Steve asked still walking away.

"Just us..."

Steve stopped, but didn't turn to face her. He tried to think of a response, but couldn't think of anything. All he wanted to do was yell. Instead, he finished his walk back into the house.

"I don't know Steve," Two-Bit sighed, "I had an idea it was drugs, because she's right, it is Yale after all. But I wouldn't have thought Tim to be involved in that shit. Do you know the shit they sell, or even make, over there?"

"Yeah I do," Steve shook his head as he paced the kitchen, "You know what this means too?"

"What?"

"That Pony got stabbed, simply because these guys thought Tim must have sent him to try and sneak in and steal whatever the hell he was wanting from them," Steve shook his head, "That pisses me off so much. I shouldn't be blaming myself as bad for what happened to him."

"Don't waste your time being mad over it. Just let it go and move on. Just focus on the shit you're going through right now."

Steve shrugged, "Yeah."

"Well do you miss her?" Two-Bit asked.

Steve shrugged, "I miss what we had before I knew what was going on with Soda. But I can't get that back Two-Bit. Even if we tried again, where's the trust?"

Two-Bit shrugged, "I don't blame you there."

"Where did Ponyboy go anyway?" Steve asked.

"He went upstairs, said he was going to take a shower."

Ponyboy had the shower running, but he only had his shirt off. The steam was beginning to fill the bathroom. It was soothing. He had his blade in his grip. He had no idea why he was doing this. He didn't think he was angry or sad at the moment, but he was feeling the urge. He just didn't understand how Steve could feel disappointed for what he did. It made Pony uneasy. He didn't like that. He wanted to feel good.