Arena, Forest, Day 8: Johanna Mason

Johanna couldn't say too much in the Capitol's favour, but she had to admit that they made good drugs. Overnight, her cheek seemed to have threaded itself back together, and though it was still tender and slightly bloody, it was at least in one piece. The once-deep gashes on her stomach and shoulder had been reduced to slight pink lines, and Johanna was grateful for Maizy's mentor – she obviously knew her shit.

It may have even saved Maizy, but the girl had been so far gone anyway that Johanna doubted it. A couple of cuts were a very different story to a severed hand – a cut so clean it had swiped through bone, through muscle, through flesh – a cut so clean that blood had spurted from it as though it were a water hose. No, Maizy would have died from her injury, medicine or not – it would have only been a matter of when, of how long.

It didn't seem to have done much for her bumps and bruises, nor for her ankle – but, testing it, Johanna didn't think it was broken after all. It was definitely badly sprained, and she would probably be stuck on the ground for another couple of days, but at least it wasn't broken.

Johanna decided to stay right where she was. She hadn't been attacked overnight, and that was good enough for her. Even in her semi-conscious state the day before, Johanna had picked a good hiding place – the bush was identical to most of the shrubbery she had seen in this area of the forest. She wasn't sure what kind of plant it was, but it was big enough for her to sit up comfortably, and the leaves were thick enough to conceal her and all of her supplies.

For a moment she was worried she had chosen poison ivy – but she didn't have a rash and wasn't itchy. She knew it wasn't wise to choose an unfamiliar plant for her hiding space – it could be a creation of the Gamemakers, designed to harm her – but she didn't have much choice, and if it was there to hurt her it would have done so by now.

Her stomach grumbled loudly, and Johanna realised that she hadn't eaten since the small meal she'd had by the stream the previous day. Going through her supplies, Johanna hesitated before opening the small can of tinned salmon. She had been saving it, but she knew she needed some sort of iron-rich meat to make up for all the blood she lost yesterday. The medicine had healed her wounds, but that was only part of it.

The salmon thankfully didn't require a can-opener. Johanna desperately wanted to gobble it all down at once, but forced herself to eat slowly – she couldn't risk vomiting. She needed the nutrients desperately.

When she had finished eating the salmon, she ate the rest of the green stuff she'd found by the stream. She cut a small slice of bread, but left the rest. It would be fine for a couple of days – and she still had some of the leftover dried fruit – but after that, Johanna would have to go searching for food. Hopefully by that time her ankle would be feeling a little better, and she could walk without too much difficulty.

The bear had just come out of nowhere yesterday. It was as though it had melted out of the trees – one second she had been alone, and the next she had been fleeing from a big fucking bear. She supposed it was a good thing – there had only been one of it, so that suggested that the Gamemakers wanted to test her abilities rather than kill her. And if they wanted to test her abilities, they obviously intended to keep her around.

She knew that the audience would definitely be more interested in her opponents, but having the Gamemakers on her side – or at least interested in her – was a good thing. Right? Johanna wasn't completely sure. Did they just want to keep her around for the ratings, to keep things interesting for a while – or did they think she could actually be the Victor?

"I guess I have to be interesting," Johanna mumbled. Not today. She wouldn't last if she tried to be interesting today. But perhaps tomorrow – when she felt a bit healthier – perhaps tomorrow it would be time for Johanna to hunt down her opponents.

She felt sick at the thought, but she had known from the very start that the time would come eventually. She wasn't worried that she would lose in a fight – she had fought and killed a gigantic fucking bear, after all – but she didn't want to have to kill people. She had already semi-killed Maizy, had at least abandoned her knowing she would die, but Johanna knew that directly killing someone would be a whole new level of awful.

Can I actually do it? She wondered. If it actually came down to it, would I be able and willing to take someone's life away from them? Johanna decided that if it came down to her life or a stranger's – she would pick her life. She had people to get back to. Of course, the stranger would also have people to get back to – but Johanna didn't know those people. She didn't care about those people. At least, that was what she told herself.

It was all very confusing. Johanna took another bite of bread.

0o0o

She had been working on the bear carving when the cannon boomed. Johanna jumped, and her knife slipped off the wood and cut her finger. "Shit!" she said, putting her finger in her mouth and sucking it, grimacing at the coppery taste of her blood. She was really sick of the stuff. At least the cut wasn't deep. She dabbed some anti-bacterial ointment on it before wrapping it in a strip of bandage.

She wondered who had died. With any luck, it was one of the Careers – or maybe the boy from Nine or the crazy girl from Ten. Really, Johanna was just happy that she was closer to getting home and seeing Eurydice and her family again. Soon, she told herself.

She was still covered in dried blood, a mixture of hers and the bear's. It was a horrible feeling – it had managed to get all over her. Under her nails, behind her ears, her collarbones. It was disgusting, and Johanna wanted nothing more than to trek back to the stream and wash it all off – but she still didn't trust her ankle. If she was attacked, this time she wouldn't be able to run.

The blood was starting to smell, too. Johanna thought it must have even gotten into her nose, because it was the only thing she could smell, even though she had been forced to designate the neighbouring bush as the toilet bush. If she couldn't even smell day-old piss – there had to be blood in her nose.

Johanna was used to being dirty, from working in the forests, but she had always managed to at least have good hygiene. She hated not being able to wash herself properly – she felt as though the disgustingness that coated her skin was seeping into her pores, into her very soul, even. She hadn't even left it yet, and she had already been contaminated for life by the arena. She wanted to scrub her skin raw with a piece of steel wool, and perhaps a bar of acid soap – even then, Johanna didn't think she would feel clean.

She even missed brushing her teeth. As a kid, she had always fought her parents tooth and nail when it was time to brush her teeth. She had hated it, and once she even hid in a tree so she didn't have to – but now, Johanna would kill for a toothbrush.

She probably looked a sight, too. The blood had congealed in her hair, turning it into a matted mess – her mother would have told her to watch out for birds as it resembled a nest – and even her clothes were disgusting. Johanna didn't exactly love the idea of all of Panem seeing her naked, but she would tolerate that if it meant she could take off her clothes. She would have taken them off already if it wasn't so damned cold.

If she got out of the arena – and Johanna was determined that she would – she decided that she would never go more than a day ever again without bathing. The idea of a bath was heavenly – or one of the Capitol's showers. Oh, what she would give to jump into a shower right now and come out of it smelling like daisies or chocolate or fucking pumpkin spice or whatever. She would honestly rather smell like dog shit than blood.

Testing her ankle again, Johanna decided that she would risk the walk back to the stream. She felt like shit, and knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep if she felt like shit. Washing the blood off would make her feel less like shit, and would hopefully let her sleep better, which she needed if she was to go out and kill people tomorrow. Besides, maybe her ankle could use the stretching – her mother would have told her to walk it off. She had elevated it all day, had compressed it tightly with a strip of fabric torn from her shirt – there wasn't anything else she could do for it.

Grabbing the satchel and the branch/walking stick, Johanna climbed out of the shrub, discreetly placing a rock about the size of her hand at the base of it so she would be able to find it again.

It didn't take long to find the stream again, and Johanna let out a sigh of relief. Re-filling her water bottles, she put in a couple of iodine tablets before stripping off. She decided to wash her clothes after she had washed herself – they would take some time to dry, sure, but if there was one thing Johanna had plenty of in the arena, it was time.

Scrubbing the blood and dirt from her skin, Johanna finally felt a little less shitty. She had a full stomach, her injuries were healing at a good pace, and she wasn't going to be attacked by any more mutts anytime soon. Tributes she couldn't say the same for, but at least she knew that there wouldn't be any more mutts for a while, if at all.

She managed to scrub the blood out of her hair – it took a while, and she couldn't count how many times her fingernails were snagged in the matted mess, but eventually Johanna's hair resembled hair rather than somewhere a bird would lay eggs.

She rinsed out her clothes, laying them out onto the rocks to dry. Floating on her back, Johanna watched the small strips of sky she could see through the trees change colour. First they were a bright, brilliant blue, and then pink, and then a brilliant orange, and then pink again, before fading into the brilliant blue of night-time.

Before, Johanna had never had the time to sit and watch the sky. There was always something to do – a shift to complete, clothes to clean, food to cook, homework to do. She hated the arena – but, funnily enough, she appreciated that she had the time to watch the sky change. Of course, the arena fucking sucked in every meaning of the word – sucked the life right out of people and also was the worst thing she had ever experienced – and the Gamemakers could go die in a fiery hell, but Johanna did have to admit that it was nice to float on her back and watch the sky.

Climbing out of the stream, Johanna pulled on her still slightly damp clothes and headed back to the shrub. She did feel better, and despite the risk it had been worth it. She had climbed out of the stream refreshed and ready for tomorrow – tomorrow when she would start to kill.

Hi there! I know, I know, another short one. I haven't been feeling very motivated lately, and I've also felt very overwhelmed with schoolwork. It's that fun time of term when everything's due all at once. Oh, and guess what – your girl's failing maths! Which is just fan-fucking-tastic.

So, Jo's ready to start chopping some bones. How do you think that's going to go? It definitely won't go the way she plans it to… or will it?

Oh, also, it's my dog's birthday and she is just SO DAMN CUTE and I just wanted to share that. She has this little teddy bear that she loves to rip holes in, and I confiscated it so I could stitch it up. Anyway, I put that off for a month but gave it to her today and IT WAS SO CUTE YOU HAVE NO IDEA she went all bouncy and tried to smack the thing out of my hands. It was very rude of her. Sorry, unrelated I know. I think my ANs are getting longer with each chapter so I'll just go ahead and shut up.

If you don't mind sacrificing a minute or two of your time, I would really appreciate a review – they give me so much more motivation to write. Also, all my readers are like super smart and you always point out things that are DEEP and give me heaps of good ideas. So thanks for that!

Hope you're all well – take care of yourself and have a great day/night!

-Audrey :)