Edited on April 28, 2020, after the original posting.
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly
Chapter 27: Break On Through, Part 14: Unfunny Valentine
"Thanks, Addison" Meredith doesn't even look up at the woman who has just come down the stairs again with Meredith's backpack over one of her shoulders.
"I can carry it, you know. So you won't have to look not-stylish or something" Meredith smirks at her.
"Hey, what if I like it?" Addison quirks at her.
"That bag is from high school. I'm no fashionista but even I know that green doesn't go well with red" Meredith laughs at her, offering her hand out for Addison to give her her bag.
"You're not going to ask what's inside of it?" Addison asks her in surprise.
"Nah, I trust you," Meredith says offhandedly. "You have better taste than I know" she shrugs and looks down now.
"Why thank-you, Grey. New York does teach one something" Addison quips at her back.
"I think YOU teach NEW YORK something, about fashion, for what it's worth" Meredith offers boldly, letting it sink in before sliding her backpack right off of Addison's shoulder.
As she does this, Meredith inevitably grazes Addison's arm and shoulders and Addison tries hard to contain a groan.
"Don't look at all, then" Addison whispers into Meredith's ear once she's standing so close.
"It'll be a surprise for us both" she offers seductively, forgetting herself at the moment.
"But don't you know what you packed anyhow?" Meredith turns, facing Addison in a second.
"But I haven't seen it on you" Addison clarifies.
And the realization hits Meredith like a tonne of bricks over her head.
"Oh" Meredith's mouth forms into a perfect "o" shape and Addison can't help but imagine making Meredith's face look that way for a whole other reason.
"And I can't wait to find out" Addison starts to lean in to bite Meredith's ear on the tip, before Cristina and Izzie burst into the kitchen, squealing "WE ALMOST FORGOT THE CHERRY VANILLA CAAAAAAAAKE"
And Addison jumps back instinctively, leaving Meredith with a rush of hot air on the side of her neck.
Meredith reaches up to soothe the sensitive spot with her hand. And she's flushing openly now and it's making Addison look hell of proud.
So far it has been Meredith doing all the flirting. But something stirred in Addison as she was in Meredith's room.
She knows it should feel wrong, to start hitting on Meredith now.
But she's just so damn CLOSE to her divorce now that she doesn't want to lose a second.
(God, she really IS destined to be a dirty and filthy whore.)
(She really needs to get a grip if she wants to stop being the go-to-for-adultery.)
(Careful, at that moment if Izzie and Meredith had not just walked in you might have let Grey just jump you on this very table.)
"Watch the plant!" Meredith gasps as Addison almost makes Meredith knock it over for the second time in its short life.
"That thing looks like it needs to be fed, poor thing" Addison tends to it a bit with her fingertips.
"Yeah, it's been all kinky and queer since the night I blacked out" Meredith shrugs at Addison without a hint of anything suspicious.
"I was going to feed it earlier," Meredith continues. "But the plant food I ended up buying was incompatible with this species so I'll have to feed it later" Meredith sighs to her.
(She doesn't say that I would have checked that in the store had I not been distracted by YOU, pretending to be my girlfriend and holding my hand and making me melt to the floor…)
"Mm, if we have time maybe we can pick up some plant food on the way to pick up Thai" Addison shrugs nonchalantly.
(As if Addison is not scheming more ways she can get Grey's attention only for herself…)
"That's a nice idea" Meredith agrees, both to spend more time with Addison but also because she knows Addison will need some comfort after her divorce.
"HEY, LOVEBIRDS WE STILL NEED TO GET GIFTS FOR THE PATIENT!" Cristina yells at them both, loudly, after picking up the cake carrier and handing Izzie the other sweets.
"You get the rest!" Cristina yells back at her, picking up her coat and Izzies from the back of a chair.
"MEREDITH WHERE IS YOUR CAR!" Izzie yells at her from the front entrance.
"Oh, right, we're taking Addison's," Meredith says a bit sheepishly.
Izzie and Cristina exchange what can only be defined as a "meaningful look" as Izzie suggests to Cristina that "they would be SO cute together" And Cristina nods and tries not to roll her eyes thinking "finally".
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Meredith runs over with Addison's keys now, Addison laughing at her when she forgets to lock the front door behind her.
"Toss them to me, Grey" Addison offers as she's standing closer.
"Here" Meredith does.
And as Addison locks the door to this house for the second time with Meredith Grey's embossed key, this time as it is still on Meredith Grey's keychain but which, is intimately connected to hers, she can't help but feel a shiver of… something as she shakes off the memory of doing this in the dead of night on a rainy evening.
Only then, she was heading off to be alone.
And now, she's heading off with others, to be with them, together.
"Do you still want me to?" Meredith questions her as there's no reason Addison doesn't know how to get to the hospital.
"You're already in the driver's seat, Meredith, you can lead on the way" Addison climbs into the passenger's seat right beside her.
"Okay Addison," Meredith says as she keys in the ignition.
"Everybody buckled?" Meredith quirks before pulling out of the driveway as everyone nods in assent.
"WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELLLLLLLL" everyone cheers along with the radio all the way there.
And all Meredith and Addison are both simultaneously thinking is that there is nothing that can better describe their little cat-and-the-mouse-game; that they've been chasing each other around with, all day.
As Cristina and Izzie start feeling each other up in the backseat, Meredith yells at them teasingly to "stop dry humping up against the seats already" and Addison laughs and she laughs which is hilarious, given that it's her car and that she's their boss.
But because Addison is the 'COOLEST', in the interns' eyes at the very least, Addison lets it go on a bit as the drive is so short. And some parts of Meredith and Addison are only jealous, in a way, wishing that they could be doing the same with each other, instead.
The first stop on their trip is at Best Buy because Addison wants to buy... Blank CD's?
She's staring a little confusedly at them and Addison feels old when she feels like she has to explain them.
"It's like an MP3 player but bigger and rounder and you have to change out the discs…" Addison trails off a bit as Meredith skims over her fingertips.
"Just kidding, Addison," Meredith says to her in a tease.
"I used to love to play CD's and DVD's growing up. We all get together and even watch VHS tapes of surgeries sometimes" she quips back.
Cristina and Izzie want to get him a vibrator, so they have to go to the sex shop next because as it turns out, they don't sell them in "electronics".
(But it was totally worth it to see the man's face when Izzie asked that at the counter!)
When in the sex store, Izzie and Cristina not-so-subtly pick out some fun things to use with each other as well.
All the while Addison and Meredith try not to stare too longingly at anything in particular.
Once they finally arrive at the hospital, Izzie and Cristina run off to find wrapping paper for their gift.
Meanwhile, Addison invites Meredith into her office so they can finish their present up for John.
"I'm going to draw a picture on the cover," Meredith says.
"Okay," Addison says until she sees Meredith's eyes looking at her expectantly.
"Art stuff is in the second drawer on the left," she says simply, surprising Meredith with some actual fine art pencils.
"Should YOU be drawing the Mona Lisa here?" Meredith asks her really seriously.
"I think you'll do a fine job" Addison promises Meredith to add to her confidence.
"Do you want me to burn the music onto it from my laptop?" Meredith asks her.
"Please, oh could you? Plus I need to go check on some labs. I'll be back to put the finishing touches on it" Addison says in a hurry.
"MKay" Meredith says in agreeance, as she starts to draw out a rainbow.
"See you soon," Addison says to her, not wanting to use Meredith's first name inside the hospital but not wanting NOT to use it, either.
(Had Meredith snooped in-depth at Addison's office, she might have noticed any clues that might have led her to a big reveal. But she doesn't snoop, as she trusted Addison not to snoop too much in her bedroom. And instead, she concentrates on spelling out John's names with bubble letters on the CD cover.)
"Does Santa's hat go HERE, you think?" Alex is dressing up a common room with George for their party with the decorations.
"Yeah and add in the Mardi Gras stuff, too" George smiles up at him.
Until this point, the two of them have mostly been in just a sexual relationship.
But something had shifted after George had brought Alex back home to his family.
Alex seemed like he was softening and George seems to really like that.
It's like he finally seemed like someone who might cook a barbecue or something.
Though Addison does check-in with the psychiatrist to ask him about John the patient's labs and about his admittance to the psych ward, Addison is really in search of both Bailey and Derek.
She wants to check in with them to see how they are doing. And she doesn't need Meredith there for those conversations.
She finds Derek first, sitting in his office, alone.
He's been sipping the same two glasses of scotch the whole day.
And Addison takes the bottle away from him, takes a swig for herself before capping it.
Then she asks him 'when can the lawyers get here? Because you were too plastered the first time and I'm not giving up this again.'
Addison isn't asking in a menacing way. It's like she's trying to put Derek right out of his misery.
She's being merciful, knowing that this is going to be painful, no matter what.
They had been friends for 11 years, and that hasn't changed just because they didn't work out as a couple.
Derek dials the number for the lawyers on his phone as Addison asks Richard for the conference room as fast as they can get it.
Then she takes Derek's scotch away from him as he sort of winces in protest.
But she says that it's for his own good, saying she doesn't want him to be an alcoholic after her.
That she knows that she's not even worth that to him, and she hasn't been in a very, very long time.
And Derek lets out a single tear at Addison's parting words.
But he doesn't deny them because he knows that it's true.
Derek and Addison are led into the conference by Richard Webber and Bailey.
Bailey promises that they can postpone the surprise party until a bit later.
She assures that would have happened anyhow 'at the rate that these interns try to decorate with their streamers and tape and glue' with a laugh.
And as Addison meets Bailey's eye they both nod to each other, acknowledging the mutual favors for each other today.
As Richard lets them have their privacy with the lawyers, he motions to Burke to come to join him for a moment.
And he says that he's glad he didn't have to see anything like that happen between Burke and Cristina. He says that if their relationship couldn't withstand what it did, that it was better for both of them that it ended before the divorce, or worse.
When Burke asks Richard what could have been worse than that even, he chuckles and says sarcastically 'one of you could have abandoned the other at the wedding day altar.' And they both laugh at the absurdity of the statement as they walk away from it all.
Meredith walks past all of them, vaguely looking for Addison to show her the CD cover she'd made.
Bailey points to the room now. She says to her "it's happening, Grey" softly. Bailey puts a hand on Meredith's shoulder in a comforting gesture.
Bailey has an idea after today especially that Meredith is more stoked up on "Ms. McDreamy" than her male counterpart. But she doesn't ask or say anything to Meredith.
She just stands there stroking Meredith's shoulder for a second before she tells Meredith to go help Izzie and Cristina to set up the snacks, and then to help George and Alex to set up the decorations.
Meredith nods at her, running off to find her friends.
As she does, Meredith smiles as she feels the extra weight of Addison's car keys jangling loud in her pocket, against her own set.
"Derek says that neither of you brought assets into the marriage," the lawyer said to them in the conference room.
"Well I have my trust fund, and my sparkling personality, and the futon couch," Addison says a bit cheekily.
"Yes, Addison had a very heavy, very ugly futon couch'" Derek speaks to the lawyer instead of directly to Addison.
"What, ever happened to that couch?" Addison questions Derek genuinely.
"We gave it to Mark. She can have him" Derek offers to her.
It's funny because usually after a few drinks Derek goes on and on about Mark.
But Addison realizes that this time, unlike the last times, that once this is over, that Mark can finally become a real option for Derek.
And that probably scares the living hell out of him.
"I don't want him," Addison says confidently despite the short cough.
And she says it in such a piercing and menacing tone then she forces Derek to accept in her deal.
"Okay, well that's settled. What else?" Derek says to her, and Addison tries not to 'gloat' about her personal and compassionate victory of handing 'custody of friendship' of Mark over from herself to Derek.
"So, aside from Addison's trust fund, which remains in her name, " the lawyer begins.
"We'll split everything; stocks, bonds, 401k's down the middle," the lawyer says as he hands out the drafts to them.
"The only thing that gets complicated is the real estate" the lawyer offers at them.
"Let me make this simple; I want to keep my trailer and my land in Seattle. Addison can have all the rest" Derek says as if he's far, far, away right now.
"Hold on-" Addison says, cutting Derek off a bit.
"That is the house in the Hamptons and the Brownstone overlooking Central Park" the lawyer explains to them as if they didn't know what they owned together.
"Hold on-" Addison insists to them.
"You're up to something. I came here to fight over CD's and books; go to war over a crystal vase. What are you up to, Derek?" Addison pleads with her eyes.
"The divorce is my fault. Let me take responsibility." Derek says in a hollow way.
The same hollow way he had looked when he'd walked in on Addison napping with Meredith.
The same hollow way he had looked when he'd walked in on Addison having sex with Mark.
The same hollow way he had looked when Mark Sloan had walked away from him, after they'd slept together, and Derek woke up digging his palms red with his fingernails.
"We both had affairs" Addison offers in total honesty.
"You had a one-night-stand with Mark" Derek doesn't meet her eyes when he says his name.
"Derek, actually, well, it was…" Addison had never elaborated on the fact that she and Mark had kept seeing each other for a while after he'd left for Seattle.
"Okay, it was two nights" Derek referred to the night of three of them, confusing that for the truth.
"You made a mistake. Meredith and I, we had a relationship" Derek says to her.
She knows in her heart he's more trying to assert his 'straightness' in front of the lawyer.
But Addison still flinches at the thought of her Derek defiling the beautiful intern.
"Make these changes and I'll sign them today" Derek hands back the papers to the lawyer who notes down the changes in black ink.
While waiting for the papers to come back to the room, Addison and Derek pace around each other nervously.
Addison eventually starts sharing with Derek because she wants to make him speak for himself.
"I do have some things to tell you, Derek. And I know they might hurt you but I still have to tell you" she says softly to him.
"Let me start then, so after you say your stuff we can go" he begs of her and she agrees.
"When I came here and saw her, Meredith Grey I mean though I didn't know her name until the morning... I thought she was the Anti-Addison." Derek begins.
"She was everything you weren't. She was naive, she was an intern, she would giggle at the easiest of things" Derek says.
"She didn't push back on me, she caught a really cool case on her first day as an intern, alongside Cristina" he adds to that.
"We had a few kisses here and there in the elevators. We didn't actually do it that much in the hospital. Not as much as I implied like before" he says up to her.
"Thanks." Addison says, not wanting to say to him "I needed to know that."
"We were married on the fourteenth of July. Not exactly a Valentine's day." Addison sighs to him.
"But still, it was an exact date of Valentine's day. So our wedding was OUR Valentine's day. And now this is the fourteenth of December. And it's now our ANTI-Valentine's day." Addison sighs to him.
"It's like that song, 'funny valentine' only the inverse. Like 'unfunny valentine' Derek says to her sadly.
"Our DIVORCE ANNIVERSARY. Now, how morbid is THAT, Derek" Addison sighs.
"Ok, so I'm just going to start telling you things and you can start telling me things when you want," Derek says to her, now impatient.
Derek reveals that he confessed to Meredith what both she and Addison were like in bed after they had had the exchange when he found them napping together.
"DEREK, YOU DIDN'T" Addison said with rage.
"She asks about it, Meredith asked as a way to get me to realize you two never slept together. I think she was trying to do you a solid" he says to her honestly.
"What did you say, even?" Addison quirks with an interest.
"Well, I guess I compared you a bit. I told her she didn't have your bite marks anywhere and that you didn't have your hair all messed up. So that's how I figured you didn't have sex then" he says a bit lamely.
"YOU TOLD MEREDITH GREY THAT I BITE, DEREK!?" Addison is yelling at him a bit now.
"Well to be fair, I don't think she thinks that that doesn't ever happen" Derek doesn't catch any deeper meaning for Addison to be all concerned.
"Did you say that I was good? That SHE was good. WAS SHE GOOD?" Addison eventually yells at him.
"Umm, she was." Derek answers without elaboration.
"That's IT. That's all that I get?" Addison wants to punch him out now.
"Usually the ex-wives don't want to the details about fucking the mistress," Derek says to her crassly.
"Look, you were still good at Sex, Addison. I'm not saying you were terrible in comparison" Derek misses her mark all over again.
(As Addison ALMOST wishes he'd said Grey was better than her so that she'd be able to imagine that all for herself…)
"Look I don't remember it all. If you want to know you can ask Meredith for yourself" he just says.
And Addison thinks to herself she really doesn't want to ask Meredith Grey what DEREK told her about Meredith's own skills in the bedroom.
That would be really not sexy.
(Wow, you really ARE going gay, aren't you Addie, her subconscious recounts to her.)
"Was I good?" Derek asks her in 3 words.
"Umm," Addison doesn't know how to answer him.
"Well, you and Mark were different" Addison answers that question for him because she knows he'll never answer.
"He was rougher around the edges. He went down on me once, but I never finished from that before he moved on for himself. He also fingered me once. But I never came from that either. You were more gentle I guess. And I guess, all in all, it felt mostly the same..." Addison says to him flatly.
(Before all this the mere thought of Mark naked was enough to send Addison into a tailspin. And before even that she would lust over Derek. But none of it compared to the sensations she was feeling when Meredith even lightly brushed her own shoulder…)
"Ok," Derek says to her, at a loss for words for her, finally, as well.
(Derek had also been thinking in a way that he wished Addie had said Mark was better because he actually agreed with her. But he didn't want to hurt her feelings with that. And he didn't want to admit to remembering just yet.)
"I also told Meredith how I told you, Addison after Grey's 'pick me, choose me, love me, speech' that night when you left me," Derek says hardly above even a whisper.
" YOU TOLD HER WHAT?" Addison panics now.
"You never told me where you went after that night?" Derek asks her.
"Meredith said that you'd had an early night. That it was quiet and nothing exciting happened. Did you go to a hotel or did you crash at the hospital?" Derek finally asked her.
It was asking in a way that Addison knew he knew nothing about all her secrets.
He just genuinely wanted to know she got home okay.
"I didn't sleep with anyone Derek. I haven't, with anyone, since New York" she explains.
"That must be hard for you," Derek says to her bluntly.
"Yeah," Addison finds herself confessing.
"Have you…?" Addison asks him softly.
"Not since Meredith," Derek says to her as Addison flinches again.
"Sorry," Derek says to her. And his apology is sincere and it hurts Addison that he's apologizing to her for all the wrong reasons.
"It's okay. I am sorry," Addison says to him. "I'm sorry for all of it" she finally says to him.
"Where did you go that night?" Derek asks her.
"I don't think that Meredith is lying," he says to her. "But I don't think she knows the whole truth," Derek says finally.
And the way that Derek is looking right into her eyes right now, Addison knows that maybe one day they could be just the best friends again.
"Derek, this is one of those things that once I tell you I can never take back," Addison offers.
"I can keep a secret you know," Derek says to Addison as she nods.
"I need something from you in return," Addison asks him.
"What would that even be?" Derek has no idea.
"Will you go down on me? Just this once, because you never, ever have. Even if I've gotten down on my knees for YOU and you never complained about it a little bit.
So I'm asking you for this, this time. Right here right now, I won't tell a soul. Just one for the road. Like breakup sex or some stupid thing they call it in movies," she explains to him.
"REALLY!?" Derek almost yelps at her.
"Do you want to know or not?" Addison asks him again.
"Ah, okay, I mean well, I think you're supposed to stand up, maybe,"
Derek says as if he's really not sure about that, himself.
Addison clicks the lock on the door and closes all of the windows.
She looks at Derek expectantly as she stands up against the wall.
She never closes her eyes for a second, even as Derek drops Addison's gaze.
And Derek gets on his knees right in front of her.
And fumbles as he tries to take her belt off her, now.
And he's shaking as he tries to work himself up to it.
And he gets to holding the waistband of her pants.
Before he lets go completely and collapses against her hip.
Like a child would do, and Derek starts to cry harder as he tells her he really just can't.
And all Addison says to him is "Derek, I know. It's okay, really it's okay. You're okay" she offers.
Addison does her pants up again and fits her belt right.
Then she slides down onto the floor next to him and leans her head on his shoulder.
"I wasn't going to make you," Addison promises to him softly. "I wasn't ever going to let you" she begs him to understand her.
"I would have stopped you, you know. I would have stopped you the moment you reached under my pants or started to take them off"
('Though Addison admits that for years, she has been more than slightly sexually unsatisfied…)
(Addison winces at her trail of thought. but doesn't say that part to Derek at all, out loud...)
"Then why ask? If you were just going to stop me before I ever did that to you anyhow?" Derek says to her with tears streaming all down his face.
Addison flinches but decides to ignore the fact that Derek just said "did that to you" rather than "did that FOR you..."
"I needed you to say it, Derek. I needed you to say you couldn't. I needed you to say it to me" Addison begs of him.
I needed you to admit that it's just not something you wanted to do.
And I don't think that you did it or even wanted to ever do it for Meredith, either.
(Or anyone else with a vagina, ever for that matter" she DOESN'T to him, then though she thinks it.)
As Addison sighs in relief as Derek nods up at her, confirming her theory, finally, with a sob.
And then, Addison nods at him silently in thanks to that.
For years, Addison has let Derek avoid his own pain.
She's watched him fall in and out of love with his best friend a million times.
She's watched him never come home, to never want to sleep with her, to withdraw completely.
She's watched how Mark is around him, how he seemed like he looked like he'd dive in all the way.
"Derek, I know that it's hard. I went through the same thing you know. Not too long ago" Addison says to him.
And that's the closest she's ever come to approaching that subject with him in well over a year.
But this time, unlike the last times, Derek doesn't push Addison away.
Perhaps it's because they're about to be over.
Perhaps it's because Addison has a secret to tell.
Perhaps it's because Addison came out of the closet first.
But either way, Derek doesn't deny it this time.
This time, unlike the other times, Derek says one thing to her, and one thing to her only.
"The time we had a threesome with you me and Mark,
I remember every minute of it.
I never forgot.
And I wasn't very drunk.
And neither was he.
I made him swear not to tell anyone.
And I was jealous after that night.
I was jealous of you because you were with him.
And I'm sorry"
Derek's words hit her like soothing snowflakes on a snowy day.
They start to heal some of her pain, and they start to make her feel right again.
"You know, I always thought that you did," Addison says to him softly.
"I know," Derek says to her.
"Mark knew as well. That's why we didn't talk to you about it" Derek says to her sadly.
"It's different for girls," Derek says in reality.
"For you, you can be every girl AND guy's fantasy, practically" he asserts.
"People think that Lesbians are mythical and cool. I know Mark will be jealous" Derek says to her in a huff.
And Addison smiles now because this is the first time that Derek has talked about reconnecting with Mark in so long.
"But for boys, I mean me and Mark are real men you know. We get called things that are buff and good hair. And we like it that way" Derek says.
"And Mark is such a player. I don't know if he could ever really love me back, ever" Derek says to her softly.
And Addison holds him now. She wraps her arms all around him.
Because she realizes on a deep parallel that THIS is what Derek's been drinking about all these nights.
That it's not about her, or her being inadequate.
It's not even about Meredith, and the thought brings her comfort.
It's about Derek and his very best friend.
And how he's more than a friend to him but much less than anything else.
And Derek was planning to live that way, watching Mark screw other people as he stayed by his side.
And Addison feels for him now. She just wants to take some of his pain away.
So she pulls out her cell phone and dials Mark's number.
She leaves him a voicemail, saying that they're splitting up and that he can pick up his bike from her sometime.
And Addison says that he should call Derek now.
And she says that in the divorce 'custody' that they'd already decided that Derek was his and that Addison could have Naomi and Sam and the others.
"We accept the love we think we deserve, Derek," Addison says to him the same way she had said to everyone else.
"You deserve someone to love you the way you love them" she adds with a nod.
And Derek thanked her profusely. And he cried a little.
And then he drank a whole lot, of water which Addison fed all to him with an aspirin.
And Derek explains how he told Meredith about the night that she left him.
How he had said that Addison shoved those rings in her fingers.
How he had watched her pack up and look around for the last time.
How he had woken up with a note next to water and aspirin and "thanks for the memories".
And Addison's eyes go all wide when Derek says this, and when he says that she left her copy of the key under the doormat for him to find the next day.
And Addison asks what Meredith said to him after Derek had shared all of that.
And he just says that Meredith said "I'm sorry" as if she truly believed she had a big part in it.
And Addison is working up the courage to tell Derek the truth.
So she asks if they could each have one more shot of that single-malt-scotch.
And he nods and hands her his desk key, where Addison gets it out without having to ask where it was.
And she pours him a glass first and she saves a smaller one for herself.
She tells Derek that this is a secret, to Meredith and Mark especially, just like his secret still is and Derek nodded at her.
These secrets to each other, from each other, the truth after the lies.
These were their parting gifts, their very last to each other.
This was all that they could ever offer for now.
And with that, Addison finally begins.
Addison says to him he had a reason to wonder about what had happened that night.
She explains that she went to find Meredith at the bar.
Because she didn't want her to wonder where the hell Derek was.
She didn't want her to drink herself to death waiting for someone who was never coming.
She didn't want her to end up like who Addison had been; sitting alone in the dark, drunk and hurt off his scotch and wondering if he'd ever loved her.
She didn't want her to be left there with less than she deserved, from him.
So she headed to Joe's in a cab from her hotel room that night, dressed in her red and green scarf over her black dress and pearl necklace.
She went all the way there to tell her everything and the first thing that Meredith slurred to her was 'you are not Derek'.
She explains that they talked about him a bit, but then they talked about a lot of other things she doesn't elaborate on.
She explains that she helped her home and tucked her right into bed.
She explains she left a similar note, with the water and aspirin, 'thanks for the memories' the whole bit.
She explains that it had been sort of Joe's idea that she help her get home safe.
But that she wanted to anyhow, and so she took care of Meredith, and also her plant.
When Derek motions to ask about this Addison waves him away saying 'maybe another time.'
And Derek is relieved because of Addison saying that there might be an 'other time' for them to talk like this as friends.
And Addison says she never signed the note to Meredith, that it had been a mystery for her and she'd gone to great lengths to hide it.
And when Derek asks her why she never confessed to her, Addison says she has no idea.
And this time it's Derek to offer some wisdom.
"I think that it's the same for you and Meredith as you and Mark" he begins.
And Addison freezes, a panicked look in her eyes.
"I think you two are more than friends and you know it. But you're less than anything else because of me, here" Derek says to her wisely.
"And I think that now that's no longer going to be a problem for you, that you are keeping this secret because you're not sure if she could ever love you back after she knows you never told her the whole truth for so long," Derek says to her softly.
And this time Addison wants to cry but she doesn't. Instead, she just pulls Derek tightly and squeezes him for a second.
"You know, for what it's worth, you looked really cozy together," Derek says to her without malice this time.
"I remember when I and Mark woke up like that. And I just wanted him to hold me all night." Derek starts again.
"And I don't know if he ever will again, after the drama with you and if I ever come out of the closet," Derek says to her softly.
"I wish I could tell you, yes but I am not Mark," Addison says to him.
"I wish I could tell you, yes but I am not Meredith" Derek offers to her.
"You know, you can have her, I have Mark. You can have her in the divorce" Derek finally says to her.
And Addison is awestruck at this and she thanks him profusely.
And Derek says that hey, their marriage might not have worked out because they have too similar a taste in people which just doesn't happen to be in each other.
And Addison is on the floor laughing at the truth and absurdity that Derek has shed light on.
"You know, for what it's worth the dirty mistresses club might be winning some serious points soon" Addison jokes to him, instilling hope in him about Mark.
"I'm going to tell you this because I care about you both, and I loved you both once" Derek begins to Addison.
"Take your time, with Meredith, if you're ever destined to be more," Derek says.
"I know you probably just want to jump into bed with her. I wouldn't blame you for that" he says with a small chuckle.
"And you know, from the way she talks when she says your name, I think you might have a real shot with her" Derek says and it surprises the both of them that he's saying this.
"But I don't think you should be each other's McRebounds," Derek says to her wisely.
"You need time to heal, from me, partially, I know" Derek apologizes again.
"And it's like Bailey said to us, you're still her boss and she's an intern. And you're new to the girl's thing and you don't want to just fool around with her" Derek says to her genuinely.
"You know if all this had been different, in another life, in another way… I think I might have married that girl. We would have spent a lot of time together. I would have loved her enough, she would have loved me that much the same. We could have had children, maybe I would have built her a house. But I don't think that story ends well. I just don't think that it would" Derek says to her in a sigh. "And I think it would be my fault," Derek says to her softly.
"But you, you're something different for her. You make her light up in all-new ways. And I like to see the way she makes you smile more than you used to. I know that's the strangest thing to say. I'm still hurting a bit from it, but you had to watch me and Mark anyways…"
"You know I'm going to give you the exact opposite advice with Mark Sloan she says."
"If you want him, you better speak up, he won't wait. You want him to know that you're open to him. But also that you'll share him as your significant other, without being ashamed" she says.
"How is it possible that at least two intern couples are more stable than we all are," Addison says wistfully to the world.
"And they're all gay, too" Derek finally laughs.
"You need to tell Meredith. She doesn't trust people after I lied to her" Derek says to her.
"You know, someone else was telling me the exact same thing" Addison laughs.
"You need to tell Mark. He's probably close to being openly bisexual anyhow" Derek laughs at that.
"I think that Mark just likes the sex as it comes," Derek says to her.
"Yeah, I think that he does," Addison laughs with him now.
"You know, don't punch me out for saying this, but I'm just going to say it" Derek stumbles a bit.
"I've well, anyways you know. With Meredith and Yourself. And I guess from that I think I can tell you, you'd. You'd enjoy each other, umm, that's all," Derek fails to say eloquently.
But Addison catches and clings on to all of those words Derek just said to her.
And after all of the tears shed from this drunken conversation, the divorce lawyers finally come back for them.
They hand them the documents in silence as they write their names and switch over the papers.
And with that, the lawyers photocopy them and hand them each an original.
"You need to mail them in soon," the lawyers said solemnly.
"We will" they both say to them.
And with that, they were both free.
Before Derek goes to call Mark impulsively, Addison says to think a moment.
She advises him to go to talk to John the patient for advice.
And Derek says that he will, probably instead of going to Joe's tonight.
And Addison says ok then, and tells him that she and Meredith are still going to pick up the Thai tonight.
And Derek laughed and said he'd almost forgotten.
And then he tells her "you know, YOU should probably buy Meredith's" with a smirking sort of grin.
And she says she would have anyhow, but that she's glad for his blessing about it.
And as they walk out the door together, parting ways for the very last time as being "husband and wife" and "Doctors Shepherd's, plural" and being "Doctor and Doctor McDreamy's",
Addison squeezes Derek's hand in her palm, and she kisses his hand, saying goodbye to him like that for the very last time.
And he told her finally "thank-you" for all that I learned from you then.
And Addison smiles as she finally thanks Derek as well.
And with that, they knew that their lives as they knew it, would no longer be the same.
But that they were changed for good, then. For the better.
As Addison walks into her office, setting the blue folder of divorce paper copies onto her desk drawer, this time it's her turn to receive a mystery note.
Though it's not much of a mystery because she can tell when she opens it, who it is from and also why.
She unseals the envelope addressed to the name "Skippy Gold", and pops out a crumpled page from an old and used blue notebook pad.
It was a letter to her, then. Dating it from today. And Addison read it, as follows:
Dear Skippy Gold,
Whatever happens today, or tomorrow, or whenever you tell her the truth; she's going to lose a piece of herself to you. And you can never give her those pieces of herself back to her. You can heal all her wounds, but it won't be the same. You're going to take a piece of your relationship away from her now, and all that you can do for her. The best thing you can do for her. The thing you might want to do for her; is to make sure she gets to keep as much of the everyone else that she possibly can.
You know that's why YOU deserve her. For all that it's worth. Like I said before that I trust you with her. That you'll do right by her. For me. And for you. But mostly for her. You'll be there for her always. No matter what. Even if she doesn't ever love you in any way back.
I'll miss the Mystery, also. I'll miss the chase and the surgeries. And I'll miss knowing more than anyone, also. But I won't miss the lying or the balancing act. And I won't miss the fear that I see in your eyes. Every time you think someone is close to figuring it out you go as pale as a ghost.
And I really do care about you, Skippy. I care about you for all that you're worth. I think we'll be friends one day, once I'm older and hopefully wiser. You're still a great teacher in my mind. And I think of all you have done for the interns, for Bailey and Webber and Burke and even for Derek.
I don't know if you'll keep this letter, the way I'm still holding yours. But if you do, then know that someday that this note and the one I have are someday for Meredith. For her to keep as her own. I know you'll never want to hurt her on purpose. But just let me tell you if she hurts you even by accident, then tries to make her feel less guilty for it because it will hurt her if you're ever falling apart.
From your first lesbian kiss, but hopefully not your best or your last one.
And Addison wants to cry when she sees Cristina's note.
But she doesn't, instead, she pulls a pen out and writes her one back in return.
She slips it into her locker, in a plain envelope in case anyone sees. It reads as follows:
Dear Writer,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt, kind message.
Even if she never forgives me, I want her to have you. I don't want her to leave me for eighty percent and to take twenty percent of her relationship with you. I'd rather lose her a hundred so that she can have you as her person and friendship for all of the way. She's needed you so far. And you need her back. And if the only thing I can ever do for her now is to give you to her while I lose both of you completely, then that's what I'm choosing to do. To let her love you. Her twisted sister. To love her as the very best friend that you are to her. You're her person Cristina. And I never want that to change that. I would never want her to leave you for me. I'd leave her first if she ever felt that she had to decide. I can't decide who she loves or I love.
But I think that. Well. You can think of the blanks in yourself. About me, I guess, from here, now.
I'm glad you are happy with who you are with right now as are your friends.
Thank-You for the Memories, dear 'mystery writer person'
And bizarrely thank you for kissing me on that day.
You'll be a Cardio Goddess someday.
Much love and take care,
Skippy Gold.
And as Addison checks her phone for calls and checks her pager for pages,
Addison wanders past Meredith's locker and runs a hand over it gently.
And finally, Addison wanders into John's room.
And barks at everyone yelling at her "DOCTOR BOSS IS HERE!"
And she thinks now she's legally divorced and she's happy.
She's going to have a great party, a great night and a great life.
And Addison thinks that she's just getting started.
***** END OF CHAPTER 27
THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D
Author's Note:
Hey all,
Here's another
Loving the reviews
Additionally, today there has been a new story from
It's called "Cookies & Quickies"
It's about Meredith/Teddy as friends having fun while they are both
Eventually, it will be
Check it out if you want :D
Author's Note 2:
THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Every time this story is followed or favorit-ed or bookmark-ed or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I'd LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It's not the end of the world though, even if you can't, I understand. :D
But I'd still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It's a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there.
So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and everyone if I can (I can't on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison). So if you find mistakes tell me and help I'll REALLY appreciate it.
Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!
bobbiejelly