U : Undone - Haley Reinhart
Requested by KellyJellyxo
Tell me where love goes when it's gone
Tell me where hearts go when they go wrong
Suddenly someone is no one I've come
Undone, undone, undone
Nothing but emptiness inside
Love leaves a black hole where it dies
How can I ever love again, I've come
Undone, undone, undone
Undone, undone, undone
Undone, undone
Clarissa Morgenstern took in a deep breath as she stared at her reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror that stretched along the whole side of the wall. She was sweating and her face was red, almost to the point that it was matching her hair colour, and she had strands of her hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead. She was only wearing a grey sports bra with yoga pants, and sweat was glistening on her abdominals muscles and over her biceps.
She took in a deep breath as the music started again, filling the room, she rolled her shoulders backwards and then she let herself get taken away by the music. Her body twisted gracefully, her strong thighs bracing as she dropped herself almost to a complete squat before lifting back up, spinning herself around on one leg, almost up on her toes, and then dropping back down.
She had been dancing since five o'clock this morning and it was nearly four in the afternoon. She'd allowed herself two breaks, one at ten o'clock, when one of her teachers had come in and wanted to talk to her about her routines and give her some pointers and another just after one o'clock, when she had to give in to the gnawing at the pit of her stomach for something to eat. She made herself a smoothie in the small, adjoining kitchen and had then thrown herself back into dancing, ignoring the stitch that she got in her side, powering right through it.
Clary was one of the most promising students of the Wayward Arts Academy.
She was told that, over and over again.
By her oppressive parents, by her encouraging grandparents, by her teachers who just pushed and pushed and pushed.
She knew they all just wanted what was best for her, and they wanted her to reach her absolute potential.
She never wanted to seem ungrateful, but it was Saturday, and while there were dedicated students at the arts academy—you had to be live and breathe your art if you were in attendance, given what high expectations the school had and how expensive it was to go there—usually on a Saturday afternoon, most students were giving themselves a break.
Maybe hanging out with their friends at the park.
Maybe having a few drinks at a pub.
Maybe going out to a movie and getting buttery popcorn.
She couldn't do any of that.
She had already performed in a national showcase that had taken her to four different cities over two months and that had bolstered her name in the circle of directors for dance productions and she was getting calls and emails regularly. She had an audition coming up for a showcase that had the potential to launch her internationally, and that was why she was practicing so hard now, not letting herself slip even in the slightest.
She didn't have time for friends.
She didn't have time for going out drinking and partying.
She definitely didn't have the time for boyfriends.
She didn't have time for anything except dancing.
The song was nearing it's end, and Clary spun herself around again, throwing her body backwards in a tight circle before landing on the ground in the splits, legs quivering a little from exertion as she straightened her torso and stared at her reflection in the mirror once more.
Her eyes were a little dull and her hair was a bit stringy. Her cheeks were a bit sunken and her skin was even more pale than usual, since she had barely been getting any sun. Her body was muscular but it was also starting to look a bit gaunt, and she knew that she needed to give herself a break. She had been throwing everything she had into her dancing, and even though that was something that had always been the priority, since she was three years old, she had always made sure to give herself a break from time to time. Make sure that she was sleeping and eating right, and exercising outside of the studio so that she got fresh air and sunlight.
But if she let herself have those things—if she let herself relax or sleep to the point where she could dream, all the memories of him came back.
His voice when he sang.
His eyes when he laughed.
His hands when he reached for her.
It wasn't fair that she had always had her goal so clearly in front of her whole life and then he just came along and disrupted it in a matter of months.
Clary shook her head, trying to get the thoughts of him out of her head as she got to her feet, swinging her eyes away from the mirror in front of her. She didn't want to look at her reflection because she looked the skinniest that she ever had, and her eyes looked...Sad. She had never looked like that when she had been with him, but she couldn't let those thoughts bounce around in his head because she didn't have time for that.
The audition was coming up in four days, and if she got the part, then she would barely have time to breathe, muchless pursue a relationship that threatened to consume her. She had never had time for boyfriends before, only fooling around a couple of times when she was in high school but never anything serious.
And then he had come along.
He had girls all over the campus panting after him and surprisingly, despite his cocky smirk, he was actually a really nice guy. He had brought her coffee and taken her out on group dates and he had come to pick her up after classes. He hadn't pressured her to drink when they went out like a lot of other people did—well meaning people, absolutely, but they just didn't understand that she had to watch her weight like a hawk and she couldn't risk a hangover or anything that would affect her practice the next day. He understood when she had said that she couldn't go out late at night and why she was busy all the time. He didn't get annoyed when she could barely ever go to his gigs and he hadn't pushed her when she had to postpone on him over and over again.
He deserved better.
That's what Clary had told herself when she had broken things off with him after they had officially been seeing each other for seven months.
It had hurt and she had cried about the decision night after night after night.
What was even worse was the way that he had looked at her after she had broken up with him.
He had looked sorry for her.
He had looked hurt and upset, but most of all he looked sorry for her.
He hadn't tried to talk her out of it, he had enough respect for her to know that she would have already thought of it from every angle and this was the option that she had chosen as best for herself. He had told her that he really liked her and that he thought they were good together and that he knew how important dancing was to her, but that there were other things in the world that were important as well, and he hoped that she didn't miss out on those because she was so focused on one thing.
Clary had stared at him, not knowing what to say, as he leaned forward and gave her a kiss that was so soft it made her whole body ached. Then he had pulled back and given her hand a squeeze before walking away from her.
It had never hurt so much to see someone walk away.
It was nearly two months later, but Clary still felt as though there was this aching hole inside her body that never used to be there, and she didn't know how to get rid of it. All she needed before was dance. Dance, dance, dance. But for some reason, it was as though her mind and body thought that she needed something else as well.
So she just kept on pushing herself.
Clary's legs felt as though they were going to collapse underneath her as she walked over to where her bag was laying on the ground. She pulled out a thin woolen jersey and tugged it on and then pulled out a bottle of water. She made sure not to drink it too quickly and then she splashed some on her hand and wiped it over her sweaty face. She put her bottle back in her bag and twisted her hair back in a clumpy ponytail and then started walking out of the studio.
She winced as the sun outside hit her eyes and she blinked a couple of times, ducking her head down as she began walking toward the dorms. There were still quite a few people on campus, but none of them seemed to be in the same, serious head space that she was.
She walked fast, head down, sun at her back.
She just wanted to get to her dorm, where she would shower, have something quick to drink and then head out for a run until she was ready to pass out.
She was almost there—so close—when she heard his laugh, and she couldn't help but jerk her head upward and seek him out.
Standing with his cousin and a few of his friends, Jace Herondale was walking down the front steps of his own dorm. He hadn't seen her and he was being loud, like he usually was, and he had no idea that her stomach was churning and that hole inside her just felt like it was getting bigger and bigger. She couldn't look away, though, and her steps were slowing down, even though she was trying to push her aching muscles forward.
Then he looked up and he caught her eyes, and that gorgeous smile on his face—that smile that had been directed at her countless times—faded. It wasn't an annoyed or angry look on his face, it was sad, just like every time he looked at her.
She felt tears cloud her vision—she told herself that it was frustration, but she knew that was a lie—and she managed to duck her head forward and practically sprint toward her dorm.
She wouldn't always feel like something was missing.
She wouldn't always feel like something was coming undone.
She wouldn't always feel like something was wrong.
She didn't know when she would be okay, all she could tell herself was that it would happen.
Because that was the only way she was getting by.
Hey, guys. Hope you enjoyed the update. Be kind and well.