Chapter twenty-two

Benefit of the doubt

Anna hissed as Elsa pressed the alcohol-soaked rag into the wound on her back. With her other hand, Elsa held her torso steady, feeling her try to arch away from it. "I told you they came out from cracks in the floor."

Anna was seated in a chair backwards, and she gripped the arms now and leaned forward into the back of it. "Then what was I supposed to do, look at every crack in that whole damned hall?" she grunted.

Elsa shrugged. "Maybe," she said. She dabbed at the other myriad cuts and slashes across Anna's bare back, with Anna's reactions varying in intensity with the depth of each cut. "Intruders aren't supposed to have an easy way to deal with these creatures. Rather the opposite, in fact."

She had expected Anna to perform somewhat poorly on this outing – it was her first time since her arm had healed, and though she was confident the bone had set by now, she was even more confident that the girl would be rusty. Her tenacity, at least, was on full display – she had insisted on staggering forward, even as attacks had savaged her from all directions, until they reached the end of that hallway. She'd been bloodied and bruised, but proud, which Elsa found utterly baffling. Now, as she tended to the foot-long gash running diagonally across Anna's back, she wondered if the girl still thought it was worth it.

"Of course I do," Anna said when she asked. "It was – ah! – good experience."

Elsa raised an eyebrow. "Experience in getting wounded? You're quite well-versed in that field already, I should think."

"Not like that," Anna said. "I really think I figured out their patterns, near the end."

"I'm sure you did," Elsa said, reaching for the gauze and bandages.

"No, really," Anna said. "Wasn't I getting hit less, by the time we reached the end of the hall?"

"I was not keeping score," Elsa said.

Anna swiveled her head around, fixing her with a knowing gaze.

"Yes, you were dodging more effectively," Elsa conceded. "But you still received far more injuries than you would've if you had turned around at the point I recommended."

"Yes, I heard you begging," Anna said.

"I was not-"

Swivel. Glance.

"I wasn't…it was a suggestion," Elsa mumbled. "I don't beg."

Anna graciously let the point pass, and Elsa launched back into her work. She placed the gauze over the wound, and Anna held it in place as she began to wrap the bandage around her waist. As she did so, her fingers brushed against Anna's stomach. Anna giggled, and Elsa did so again on the next pass, for longer this time. Once the bandage was tied off, both of her hands went to Anna's waist once again, gently caressing it. Anna breathed deeply, a smile on her face.

The obvious escalation from this point would be to move her hands upwards towards Anna's bare chest, but with neither of them in any kind of hurry, she opted to linger. As she continued to caress her stomach, she marveled at how well defined it was. Anna's abdominal muscles, while not massive, were tight and well-toned.

Anna giggled, noticing her lingering hands. "Enjoying yourself?" she asked wryly.

"...Quite," Elsa said, for lack of a wittier reply.

She had teased Anna in essentially the same way dozens of times, but she had never expected her to turn the tables. Half-naked, bleeding, and with her back to a vampire, Anna was utterly confident in her own safety. She was, indeed, safe – Elsa had seen her bloody many times in the past and was more than capable of controlling her instincts – but it was still very bizarre to indulge such confidence, especially when she was so used to breaking the confidence of her adversaries.

"I must admit, this surprises me," Elsa continued. "Even among other female adventurers, I have never met a woman whose musculature was as defined as yours."

She had endeavored to make this remark sound neutral, as if merely making an observation, but of course it was wasted effort. She blushed with pride, the pink tinge extended down to her neck and shoulders as well.

Blushing, of course, was a natural human reaction to pride or embarrassment caused by blood rushing to the head and upper body. It was also incredibly attractive, for reasons Elsa couldn't quantify nearly as easily.

Elsa knew her own cheeks were likely turning pink as well right now. She couldn't blush naturally, but her shapeshifting abilities could create a facsimile for it by simply altering the color of her skin. It probably wasn't the same color as Anna's – realistic skin tones were one field she always had trouble with – but it was just as involuntary as a real blush would be. Anna didn't seem to understand these repercussions, which was probably for the best.

Oh yes, wasn't I doing something?

Elsa remembered herself and stopped stroking Anna's waist, which she seemed mildly unhappy about, and finished wrapping the bandage. She tied it off around Anna's back, pulling the knot tight very slowly so as not to pull it too tight by mistake. "That should do it," she said.

"Thank you," Anna said. "Could I get a patch of ice on it, as well?"

"Yes, of course," Elsa said. She held her hand over the bandaged wound for a moment, creating a small clump of ice upon it, then pulled her hand away.

A few seconds later, the impact of what she had just done hit her. She stared at the palm of her hand, which now had no ice coming from it at all, with wide eyes.

Anna turned her head. "That helps a lot, thank…" She trailed off when she saw the shocked look on Elsa's face. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No," Elsa said in an amazed voice. "Nothing is wrong." She turned her hand over, as if the secret to this miracle could be hiding there. "I've never had that much control over it."

Anna turned around in her chair. "Really?" she said. "Oh, Elsa, that's such great-"

"What the fuck?" Elsa said angrily.

Anna blinked. "What?"

"752 years," Elsa said, glaring at her hands. "752 fucking years, and now it does what I want? Now that I'm not in any danger whatsoever? Now that I've spent decades learning how to suppress it?"

"Elsa, calm down," Anna said. Miraculously, she did, though she still looked angry. "The past is in the past. Just focus on the now. What did you do differently this time? Were you focusing harder this time?"

"No," Elsa said. "I barely even thought about it. You needed ice, and I provided it. Any time in the past that I've been that careless, it's instantly gone out of control."

"I see," Anna said. "What else could be the cause, then?"

"You, obviously."

Anna's eyes shot up. "Me?"

"There's no doubt about it," Elsa said. "Ever since you've arrived, it's become significantly easier to control. Is that all I needed this whole time? Someone to love?"

"Or someone to protect," Anna said, already deep in thought.

"What do you mean by that?" Elsa asked.

"Generally, the ice is tied to your emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more powerful the magic, correct?" Elsa nodded. "That's how it often is with those born with powers. The emotion that brings it out the most strongly, most of the time, is the fight-or-flight response. The power activates when the person feels they are in danger, to protect them."

"Hah!" Elsa barked. "It's a damn shitty protector. Every single time it activates, I end up in a worse place than when I started."

Anna raised an eyebrow. "Every time? 752 years of life, and it hasn't once protected you?"

Elsa sighed. "Anna, there are some things in this world that will never happen, even over an eternity."

"I'm sure there are," Anna said. "But are you really telling me that this powerful magic has never made a positive difference in a life-or-death scenario?"

Elsa was about to answer in the affirmative, but a memory pulled at her – a recent memory.

That awful fellow at the inn, the one who had hit her with holy water. She'd managed to stumble away from him and out of the window before he could fire his first bolt, yet the next had come in a matter of seconds. Why would he have taken so long to ready the more crucial first shot? She had stunned him for a moment with her screech, but surely not for long. She vaguely remembered a cold feeling cutting through the burning of the holy water. Her palms would've been facing him…

She chuckled softly. "It seems I've resorted to hyperbole after all. The point remains, however, that it has ultimately caused me far more harm than good."

"I don't doubt you," Anna said. "But I think I'm starting to see what the problem is."

Elsa raised an eyebrow.

"In your entire long lifespan, have you ever seen this power as anything other than a curse?" Anna asked.

"Why would I?" Elsa said. "That's what it is."

"No, it's not," Anna said. "It's not a curse, and it's not a normal spell, either. It's a part of you, just like your arm or your eye."

Elsa shook her head. "Those, I have full control over," she said. To demonstrate, she held her arm aloft and transformed it into a green, scaly appendage, and her eyes flashed in a spectrum of colors.

"And you control your ice, too," Anna said, gesturing at the patch on her wound. "But if you fail to accept it as a part of you, you deny control of it to your conscious mind, leaving it to your subconscious."

"Found the psychology books, did you?" Elsa said.

"Think about it, Elsa," Anna said. "What kind of thoughts are produced by your subconscious? Fear, anger, survival instinct – all things primal, uncontrollable. Consign your powers to the deepest recesses of your mind, and you will never take control of them. I've seen it happen in humans before, I just never had a name for it."

Elsa put a hand to her chin. "There may be something to this," she admitted after some thought. "But how do I fix it?"

"Learn to live with your powers," Anna said. "Not to deal with them – live with them. Think about how you could use them in daily life, like how you'd use your hand to turn the page of a book. Don't fear it, welcome it. If it activates when you don't want it to, figure out something you can do with it, something constructive. If you can start and complete a task with it, your brain may register that and stop the ice automatically."

"And this has worked in the past?" Elsa said skeptically.

"Generally, the manifested power has been weaker, but yes," Anna said. "Cross my heart, hope to die." She drew an X across her chest with her hand, blushing slightly as the action called attention to the fact that she was still topless.

Elsa seemed unfazed by it. "So, I am to act as if my ice isn't a debilitating curse that's nearly been the end of me countless times?"

"Come now, Elsa," Anna said, reaching out to stroke her face. "I wouldn't be here now if I couldn't give you the benefit of the doubt. Is it really too much to ask for you to give it to yourself?"

Elsa leaned into her hand and closed her eyes contentedly. "I can't promise I'll be as patient with myself as you were," she said.

"That's okay," Anna said. She gently pulled, bringing Elsa closer to her. "I'll help you."

Elsa didn't say another word, choosing to express her gratitude by more physical means.

xxxxxxx

A few hours later, Anna was lying in her bed, thinking back on everything they had accomplished that day. One particular moment stuck out, and her eyes shot open.

She said love.