Sarah Lynn orders a margarita at the restaurant and Bojack has to remind himself that she's an adult now, not the little girl he pictures her as in his mind. She tried to order a salad with no dressing. No dressing. A dry salad. But Bojack managed to convince her to get something with more substance, she had just finished a huge performance for god's sake!
She was so excited when he showed up to her dressing room, the anxiety in his chest turned to a mixture of relief and warmth when she greeted him. She seemed so high strung these days, but still somehow impossibly friendly and upbeat. Seeing her in person was so jarringly different now, and it made Bojack feel old in a way he didn't like to think about.
She took a long sip from her glass and smiled at him, "So! How're you and Herb doing? I barely hear from you two anymore!"
He smiled back, "We're good! Herb's doing really good, still writing for sitcoms and comedies and stuff. But uh, he's actually started to get into philanthropy more these days."
She waved her hand around, "Oh, I know what that's like. I've been doing work with this project, "Doctors Without Posters"."
Bojack nodded and scratched at his cheek, "Yeah I heard your assistant talking about that back in your dressing room. But uh, the long and short of it is that we're doing good!" He chuckled, "You wouldn't even know we were basically blacklisted seven years ago."
She smiled at him again, but this time it was a little more strained. Something sad flickered behind her eyes before her gaze fell to the rim of her glass.
"Yeah… I… I'm so sorry about that Bojack."
He waved his hand dismissively, "Oh please, it was years ago."
She frowned and traced her finger around the rim of her glass, brushing salt off and onto the table. "Yeah... but I should have done more. I could have actually come out in support or something."
He shook his head and frowned, "Oh, come on, don't do that to yourself Sarah Lynn. You were just a kid then, we didn't expect you to do anything for us."
She laughed, "What? A kid? I was sixteen!"
"Exactly! You were basically an infant!"
They both laughed loudly, the tension starting to lift from their table to be replaced with comfortable familiarity. Sarahh Lynn wipes a tear from her eye and finally starts to look like she's relaxing as she sits back in her seat.
"I'm glad to hear Herb's thriving Bojack. But what about you?"
Bojack leaned his elbows onto the table, "Oh, I guess I'm doing good." He laughs again, "It feels weird to say that because usually when people ask me how I'm doing the real answer is 'I'm doing shitty'. But I'm actually doing good right now! I'm on this new show, Mitch's Life. I don't know if you've seen it or…?"
She groaned and picked at her fries, "Ugh. I'm so busy with the tour..."
He waved his hands in front of himself with a chuckle, "No yeah, of course. But uh, the ratings are fantastic, and it looks like we're gonna be greenlit for another season before this one's even over."
"That's awesome! … So what about everything else?"
He cocked an eyebrow at her as he picked up his meatball sub, "What do you mean?"
She rolled her eyes, "Uh, the rest of your life? Like, not just your work stuff? How's that going? I mean, not to be a bummer again but… you did kinda drop off the face of the earth a couple of years ago."
"Oh, yeah. That..." He put his food back down without taking a bite.
She shifted awkwardly in her seat, "I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about... I didn't mean to bring it back to that again."
He put his hands out in front him, "No it's fine, I-"
"It's just, everyone was worried about you guys. You just sort of stopped being around all of a sudden. Then a couple years went by and it was the same thing." She busied herself picking the onion off her burger to avoid eye contact. "And you never released a statement or anything, so nobody knew if you were okay or…?"
"Yeah, I mean… things were hard for a while but uh, well. Herb got me to go on antidepressants, and we've both been going to therapy since then. W- we're taking care of ourselves, and each other."
Sarah Lynn perked up as he explained. Her eyes now fixed entirely on him, instead of pretending the restaurant's interior design was the most interesting thing in the world.
She pops a fry into her mouth and asks nonchalantly, "Oh, so you're on antidepressants?
"Yeah for a couple years now."
She clears her throat lightly, "Do you like, have them on you?"
"... Yeah?"
"... Can I see them?"
"Uh… sure?" He reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed the familiar orange bottle, sliding it across the table to her. She picked it up and turned it around in her hands a few times, inspecting it.
Bojack cleared his throat, "By the way Sarah Lynn, I uh, well, the truth is that I came to see you for a reason."
She looks back up at him, almost looking sad as she anticipates his response. "Oh?"
"Yeah uh, I wanted to say, 'I'm sorry'."
"Huh?" She straightened up and cocked her head at him. "Why?"
He took a deep breath, "Well, I wanted to apologize for just, the way I was for a good portion of your childhood."
She chuckled, "Bojack... that was years ago."
He rubbed at the back of his neck, "Yeah, but it still happened. And I never apologized for it, even though I definitely should have. Also um, I wanted to say, I'm sorry for not keeping in touch with you. Because I should have done that too."
She didn't say anything in response, but she was smiling, which was a good sign to Bojack, so he continued.
"And I wanted to... what does my therapist say? Take account of what I have to be grateful for, or something. And I thought, 'well, what do I have to be grateful for?'." He leaned back into the booth, "I have Herb, and the house, my career, which is finally starting to pick back up again, thanks to the show. And I thought about the other people in my life, the people I care about, and uh... I thought about how I hadn't seen you in a long time, and I wanted to change that."
Sarah Lynn smiled wide at him, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes "Aaaaw! I missed you too Bojack." She looked back down to the bottle still in her hands. "So, these pills, do they really help you?"
"Yeah? I think so," He laughs, "I mean, it's hard to remember the person I was before I started giving a shit about myself, you know? I look back at that old Bojack like, who is this guy?"
Sarah Lynn tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she talks, "Were they like, hard to get?"
"Not really, why?" Sudden concern washes over Bojack as he realizes that her strong interest in the subject is out of place. He leaned closer to her over the table. "D- Do you think you need them?"
She bites her lip, "I… I don't know. It's just like… Do you ever think like, when you're famous, nobody can really know you? And it's like all my friends only like me because I'm "Sarah Lynn". I've been doing this industry stuff since I was three, and now I'm twenty three and I…" She trails off and grimaces, sliding the bottle of pills back to Bojack. "Don't get me wrong, being a world famous popstar is... awesome! I do all these incredible shows that give people this experience that they will never forget. But… sometimes it feels like, I'm a puppet or something you know? Like nobody actually cares, but they like to pretend they do…"
She laughed bitterly, "Oh and on top of it, my mom started doing this fun thing where she's pointing out every carb I eat." She punctuated her frustration by grabbing the remainder of her fries and squeezing them in her fist.
Bojack stared at her, "Oh, that.. that sounds like a lot."
She took a deep breath, "It is. But, you know, it's the sacrifice I make for my fans."
"But-" He hesitated, afraid to over step a line. "Sarah Lynn, you don't have to make that sacrifice. You have more power and control over your life than you think."
"But, I mean… my fans-"
"Screw your fans!" Her eyes widen but she says nothing, so he continues, "Trust me, the best thing you can do right now is to separate yourself from this idea that you have to do whatever your fans want with no regard for your own happiness. And while you're at it, you should separate your finances from your mother." He snorted.
She scoffed, "Oh that's rich, coming from you."
He jumps a little, shocked, and a bit offended, by her sudden outburst. He furrows his brow at her, "What is that supposed to mean?"
She put on an impression of his voice and made goofy gestures with her hands, "Hey Sarah Lynn, nothing matters but the crowd! Do whatever you need to to stay in the limelight because if you're good to your fans, they'll be good to you! And that's all that matters in the end!"
His eyes widened, "When did I say that?"
She shrugged, "I don't know, like season three?"
He opened his mouth to continue arguing but stopped short of a sharp reply. "... Did I really say that to you?"
She crossed her arms, "Well, I'm paraphrasing but yeah, basically."
Bojack is quiet for a long time, just staring down at his plate and thinking.
He took a deep breath before he finally spoke, "Sarah Lynn, I know you were just a kid then but… Before rehab, the way I acted, the way I thought, it was…" He brought a hand up to rub at his eyes, "I wasted so many years being miserable, because I thought that it was the only way to be. It takes a long time to realize how unhappy you are, and even longer to see that it doesn't have to be that way. You have your whole life ahead of you Sarah Lynn. You've got to start… living for yourself. Not the crowd, cause trust me." He pressed his hands flat against the table to keep from fidgeting. "I learned a long time ago, that when you measure your self worth against the whims of an audience… you'll always lose."
She laughed sadly, "...But what would I do? Who would I be if I wasn't "Popstar Sarah Lynn"?"
He shrugs, "I don't know. Probably just "Sarah Lynn"... But wouldn't it be nice to find out?" He smiled at her.
She smiled back and chuckled, "Huh, I guess that's something to think about…" She picked at her smushed fries, "So, what's going on in your show anyway? Is it like a gritty detective thing? Or like a grizzled PI? Or is it more of a rough and tumble gumshoe scene?"
He laughed, "Pretty sure those are all the same things? But no, it's more of a... deep look into the psyche of a recovering addict. Cuddlywhiskers, the director, he wants to get a guest star in for a little media flavor though." He took a bite of his sub, "But we still haven't found the right person yet."
Sarah Lynn is uncharacteristically quiet as she slowly mixed her ketchup and mayonnaise together with a french fry. "Well… I could do it."
Bojack nearly chokes on a meatball in shock, sending him into a short coughing fit. "W-What? Oh my god, Sarah Lynn I couldn't ask you to do that! You have so much going on right now."
She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his, giving it a small squeeze. "Bojack, I want to. And it's like you said," She smiled at him, "I gotta start living my own life, right?"
Newspaper and magazine headlines from 2007:
SARAH LYNN RETURNS TO TV FOR GUEST ROLE ON HORSEMAN'S "MITCH'S LIFE"
THOUSANDS TUNE IN TO "MITCH'S LIFE" FRIDAY TO SEE POP STAR SARAH LYNN ACT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 11 YEARS
SARAH LYNN SUDDENLY CANCELS APPEARANCE AT GRAMMYS
SARAH LYNN BEGINS IMMEDIATE LEGAL SEPARATION FROM MOTHER CAROL HIMMELFARB; ANNOUNCES HIATUS FROM MUSIC TO SHOCKED FANS
POP STAR SARAH LYNN LEGALLY CHANGES NAME TO SARAH-LYNN HIMMELFARB AND ENROLLS IN UCLA ARCHITECTURE PROGRAM FOR SPRING TERM
SARAH-LYNN MARKS CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH BOJACK HORSEMAN AS CATALYST IN DEPARTURE FROM MUSIC; "BOJACK AND HERB ARE LIKE FATHERS TO ME; BOJACK TOLD ME TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE AND NOW I'M DOING IT!"; HORSEMAN OFFERED NO COMMENT
SARAH-LYNN RELEASES HIT SINGLE WHILE STUDYING AT UCLA; "YOU GOTTA SUPPORT THAT FOUNDATION BITCHES (THE CONCRETE SONG)"