They Hold the World

Chapter 30: Still White

Sasuke

Age five, and Sasuke had almost cracked his skull.

The twenty foot fall from the broken tree branch to the rocky ground below was a marvelous sensation. He'd never seen so many colors and faces in his life. Those few, short seconds were full of memories and dreams and sounds - he was so caught up in it all that he didn't even scream. He just let gravity take hold of his plummeting body and stared off at the blue sky above, wondering if it would still be there after he hit the ground.

Something wrapped around his shoulders, and the sky was stolen away from him and replaced with white eyes and long, flowing, indigo hair. He choked, air shooting out of his lungs, as arms came from under him and caught him, bringing him to a warm body that he liked so much more than the cold air that had been rushing past him.

White light blinked above him before blurring.

"Sasuke?" a woman's voice cooed out from beyond his botched world. "Are you okay?"

It sounded like his mother, but different. Softer. More quiet. He rubbed his eyes, arms feeling like jelly,and looked up into those eyes.

"Sasuke!" His head snapped to the side to see Shisui running up to him. The sight of those familiar, black eyes brought Sasuke back to reality, and he teared up and reached out to him. Shisui grabbed him from the woman's arms, letting him bury his face into his chest and breathe. Strong arms wrapped around Sasuke's back, and he finally felt like he wasn't falling again. "I told you to not climb without me. Stubborn Uchiha, what were you thinking? If . . . If she hadn't . . ."

He trailed off, voice sounding like a frog. Sasuke looked up and tried to stare into his mouth to find the animal stuck in there, but couldn't. His brother smiled at him before turning back to the woman.

"Are you okay?" he asked, eyes bowing to something that Sasuke couldn't see, even if he looked over his shoulder. "Is Hanabi okay?"

The woman gave a laugh, light and warm, something so different than his family that Sasuke wanted more of it. He shifted around in Shisui's arms to stare at the woman some more. Her eyes were a bit scary, but the rest of her was beautiful, and he looked down to her hand that cradled her round belly beneath a white sundress. Huh? he wondered, glaring at it. Is she sick?

"Sasuke, don't stare," Shisui said, frowning. "That's rude."

"Hanabi," he repeated, lips barely moving, like his eyes. "Who's that?"

The woman smiled - and, somehow, that made her eyes less scary. She walked up and put a hand to her brother's cheek, who sighed and relaxed his shoulders. She was so close that Sasuke could touch her tummy if he reached out. "I'm fine," she whispered before bending down to him. "And you, Sasuke, will get to meet Hanabi very soon."

She moved back. It was a lot colder when she did that.

"Say thank you," Shisui told him. "She saved your head."

Sasuke touched his own forehead and hummed. "But I'm okay."

"Yes, because of her."

"He acts just like his father," the woman mused. "He doesn't even know who I am, does he?"

Shisui had something stuck in his eye - like ice or something - but when Sasuke moved to pull it out, his brother held his small hand and shook his head. "He will, one day," Shisui said. "You, and Hanabi, and even little Hinata. It will happen."

Soon, the woman left, and Sasuke and Shisui sat under the tree he almost fell out of, basking in the shade. Sasuke kept glancing off where the woman with the white eyes and large belly left, and asked, "Who is she?"

Shisui leaned his head back on the trunk and closed his eyes. "My sister."

He knew that was a lie because she had different eyes than them. "Like how you're my brother?"

"No." Shisui's eye cracked open. "Because we are brothers."

That one, he couldn't tell if it was a lie or not - because Shisui was a good liar, the best of any Uchiha, because when he lied, his eyes didn't change for even a second.

...

Four years later, however, they changed.

Those damn eyes.

The room was dark. Itachi had told him to not go in, but he knew he had to. Shisui was in there, somewhere, maybe lost because it was so dark. And he was dark, but in a different way from how Sasuke had imagined it.

Shuffling in the black of the place, Sasuke had his hands out to keep him from bumping into anything. His eyes were squinted, though that didn't help much with anything. It was so quiet that he could hear his nerves buzzing in his ears. Uchihas were quiet folk, but it wasn't normal for it to be that quiet - because Shisui, well . . .

He didn't like the sound of buzzing nerves.

Which only made the quiet all the weirder.

Eventually, Sasuke's outstretched hands came in contact with something. A warm, hunched back. It moved slowly, barely, and Sasuke was a bit scared at first because he didn't want to find Shisui dead in a room full of darkness and silence. But because it moved, he must have still been alive, so Sasuke gulped and moved closer.

"Shisui," he called, hand trailing up to a sloped shoulder, "you can't see in here."

The body mass beside him shifted a bit. "Sometimes, that's a good thing." Soft and quiet was that voice. It reminded him of someone else, though Sasuke couldn't put a name to it. "Sometimes, when you don't see things, Sasuke, you really begin to understand the reality of things. Like how darkness can be as soothing as light in the right circumstances - because, well, no one sees you in the dark, so you can be how you want to be, do what you want to do, think what you want to think."

Subtle as always. Sasuke couldn't understand how Itachi always seemed to know what their older brother was talking about.

He lifted his hand and felt for Shisui's face. He found an ear and a wet jaw before his hand was pulled away.

"No, Sasuke," was Shisui's tired command.

"What's going on?" he asked.

A sort of stillness in the air, one that made the whole world stop spinning for a while. Another shift, followed by a sigh. "A lot, Sasuke - some things that even your genius mind doesn't understand quite yet. The world is an ironic place. You'll know that soon. I wish I could save you from it, but I couldn't even save Hitomi, so what's even the point?"

The tone in his voice rang a familiar way.

He used it often when he was leaving for school or going on a business trip somewhere.

"Where are you going, Shisui?" Sasuke asked, grabbing his arm. "Why are you leaving?"

"To a brighter place." A cold hand grasped Sasuke's. It was also wet. "But I'm not going anywhere yet. I'd like to be in the darkness and be myself for a little longer."

And somehow, beyond the dark, bright eyes watched him closely, gaging his reaction. The eyes of a worried, mourning brother who could only show that side of himself when no one was looking.

...

Sasuke, age seventeen, never thought he'd go back to that dark room.

But he did.

Because he had just seen Shisui's bloody smile and understood why the darkness could be a place of peace. But it wasn't just because of that. He also had some answers to find.

The desk was too easy of a spot to find anything, so after going through its drawers, Sasuke then checked the closet and under the bed. Nothing. He went to the side table, opened it, and found a bible inside. He picked it up, flipping aimlessly through the pages, and only getting a vague look of the book that had been hidden under the bible. But he paid it no heed.

Because stuck there, between pages of Ecclesiastes, was a paper.

Folded and white.

Like the dress of a woman with a large belly.

Like the eyes of a morning brother, hidden within the darkness.

And when Sasuke opened it and read it, his eyes widened.

For in that paper, he found out when, exactly, Shisui was going to that brighter place.

"You can sit," Shisui said, displaying his thin, white hands towards the bench next to his bed. "I already know what you want, so I think it's best that you do."

Sasuke felt like doing anything but - he didn't know why, but he was pissed. At Shisui

Well, actually, he had an idea as to why.

"This." He pulled out the piece of folded paper and held it in the air. The white, twinkling eyes of his brother stared at it. "What the hell is this?"

Shisui turned to Hinata, who had fallen into a shaken silence. "Take him with you and sit."

She grabbed Sasuke's sleeve, but did not move. "I-I-I can't believe it," she whispered, eyes swimming. "You're a-a Hyuuga."

"No, I'm an Uchiha." Shisui sighed and motioned back to the bench. "Sit."

They did, Hinata hesitantly and Sasuke reluctantly. The lights buzzed above, almost louder than the even beeps of the machine hooked up to Shisui. It was a horrid sound - like it was so quiet that the nerves in his ears were humming, and that only got Sasuke more agitated and worked up about all this shit.

"What is it?" he bit out, paper crunching a bit under his tight fingers.

Shisui kept his white, icy eyes on the other wall. "I just bit my tongue," he said. "As I'm sure you've heard, I bleed easily. Don't worry - I'll leave here by morning. They're mainly just making sure my head is okay. I'm sure you know how it is, Sasuke."

Evasive bastard! "Shisui," he tried again, trying to relax his tone as much as he could. "The paper. What is it?"

"I'm also sure you know about us being actual brothers." He kept on, like he didn't hear Sasuke. "Well, half brothers. No, Mom didn't cheat on your father. She had me way before him - when she was sixteen. Her older sister took care of me for a while, but when she and her husband passed, I stayed more with my father. Hyuuga caretakers don't go to school, believe it or not. What a crazy world they -"

"Shisui!" Sasuke slammed his fist onto the bench, and Hinata yelped as it vibrated beneath them. "Answer the fucking question!"

Narrow eyes snapped his way, and Shisui frowned. "A damn will, Sasuke. I don't have to tell you that! You already know."

"O-Oh my God," Hinata gasped, leaning forward. "Why d-did you -"

"Because he's dying, Hinata," Sasuke sneered, standing up from the bench to loom over the side of the hospital bed. Shisui kept his gaze on his lap. "He's dying and he didn't even fucking tell me!" He dug through his coat's pocket, pulled out the contact lens container, and threw it on the ground, breaking it in half. "And he used those damn things to hide it from me!"

"Sasuke." Without the shield of black lenses, Shisui had eyes that spoke more than his bloody mouth ever did. They were narrow and gleaming with anger as he snapped his head to his younger brother. A warning for him to back off, but Sasuke scoffed and ignored it. "What was I supposed to do? Itachi -"

"Itachi died and you were too much of a coward to tell me anything." He stepped forward, container crushed under his boot. "You left for Spain because you were so sick of your own guilt that you couldn't even bear to look at me - and if you ever came, it was only for his anniversary, and you did everything in your power to avoid me!" He crossed his arms and met Shisui's white, flashing eyes without fear. "So what changed? What made you suddenly come back? A guilty conscience or the fact that you knew your time was running out?"

"Sasuke -"

"Did you come back for me or for your own, selfish needs to patch things up before you withered away?"

Shisui flinched and craned his neck forward. "Sasuke," he croaked, like another frog got stuck in his throat, "what was I supposed to do?"

What was he supposed to do?

What was HE supposed TO DO!?

"TELL ME!"

"Sasuke." Hinata stood in front of him, hands on his shoulders. She looked fuzzy, the outlines of her face smudged and a bit faded. She was warm and so was he. It was so damn hot that he couldn't stand it. "B-Breathe, Sasuke."

He tried to, but it was so hard when all he could hear was Shisui's racing heart beat - one that would, one day - one day soon - never race again. He sat back with Hinata bent in front of him, watching him closely as he forced air into his burning lungs. I can't believe it, he thought, something cool dripping down his chin. He just got here, and now he's leaving again.

...

"The Uchiha told me not to." He looked up to see his brother sitting on the edge of his bed. The IV cord was stretched behind him, and he had to keep his left arm a bit to the side, but the rest of him was as close to Sasuke as he could make it. "They didn't want the bastard child of Mikoto to taint their image, so I was always kept as a secret, going from house to house whenever convenient. The second I turned eleven, they gave me those damn things to hide my eyes. That's what they care about, you know - how dark your eyes are. Because eyes are a way into your soul, and dark souls are what Uchihas are known for."

Hinata moved away from Sasuke to look at those eyes that had been hidden away for so long. "They're b-beautiful," she said, hushly. Shisui tried to smile. "Is that . . . h-how you knew my mother?"

He nodded. "My father watched over Hitomi all his life, similar to how your cousin is with you, Hinata. But . . . he passed at a young age. I grew up with her. She and Hiashi were more my family than those damn Uchiha ever were."

"Mom," Sasuke whispered, glaring at the white, tiled floor, "did she . . . abandon you?"

Shisui shook his head and folded his hands. "Until my contacts, she wasn't allowed to be with me. And by then, she had Itachi and was pregnant with you. They were too busy for me, especially with the rest of the family breathing down their necks." A genuine smile, this one not bloody, thankfully, finally made its way to his face. "But she loved me like she did with all her sons, and though Fugaku was not my father, he was there when I needed one. Your parents are very special, Sasuke, once their pride is out of the way."

Sasuke bent his head, and Hinata was back at his side.

"But . . ." Hinata's brows furrowed as she looked Shisui over. "How d-do you have it? Hemophilia, that i-is." She rubbed her thumbs along the hem of her sweater, clearly uncomfortable, but continued to stand her ground. "I-I thought . . . only mothers . . . c-could pass it."

Shisui didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Sasuke already figured it out. "Mom . . . has it?"

White eyes flickered away for a moment. "Uchihas don't like their weaknesses to be so obvious. She was given treatment at an early age and was never too affected by it. Her sons were tested, of course, but . . . well, I've often been told I am a miracle worker. I like to think I took the hit for the team." He flashed them a smirk that Sasuke did not believe for a second. "But because I'm also the son of a Hyuuga, I wasn't given the same treatment as her. They figured it was best if I just died off, I suppose."

What?

Sasuke felt his body go cold. He was numb to every emotion, unable to express the anger and dread that was pent up inside him. But Hinata always wore her heart on her sleeve, and her watery eyes widened as she gasped and trembled to herself.

"I'm s-sorry," she whispered, to both of them. "I c-can't imagine what it was like."

"My life wasn't horrible," Shisui said. "I'm who I am now because of my past."

"Who you are now?" Sasuke bitterly laughed, finding that fire within him once more. "What are you? A dying man who couldn't even tell his own brother who he was until he was on his deathbed?"

"S-Sasuke -"

Shisui brought a hand to his mouth as a series of dry, hacking coughs shook his form. Hinata and Sasuke stared at him, wide-eyed. "Sorry," he muttered, white eyes dimming a bit. "Hinata, can you get me something to drink?"

She stood and left quickly.

"Smooth," Sasuke muttered, moving to sit next to Shisui on his bed. "You could have just asked her to leave."

"Sasuke." They looked at one another. "It's not done." He nodded down to the white paper in his grasp. "But when it is, give it to Mom and Fugaku, please."

He shook his head, bangs falling in his face. "What is it, exactly, that you're sick of? Hemophilia, I know, but that just makes you bleed easier. It can't hurt you unless you get cut. So -" He stopped for a minute, wetting his dry lips and stabilizing his tone. "So . . . what else is it?"

Shisui moved back into his bed. The machine next to him calmed.

"It doesn't just do that," he said. "It can cause bleeding in the joints, Sasuke, which cause pain - horrible pain - and deterioration. And the fall yesterday . . ." He trailed off upon seeing the fear in Sasuke's eye that he just couldn't hide. "Well . . . either my joints give out and I get serious head trauma or what happened yesterday has already given me that. And sure, a bit tongue can be messy, but it's easy to patch up. The brain is a different matter. A messier, more complicated matter."

He was listening to it all, letting it sink in and really digest, but Sasuke still couldn't just believe it.

"There's a cure, right?"

Shisui's eyes shined with disappointment. With him or with himself, Sasuke wasn't sure. "I should have started treatment a while ago."

"Then start now."

"You don't understand - maybe things would be different if the Uchiha helped me, but just starting treatment when things are at this level is nearly pointless."

"So what?" Sasuke glared at him. "You're just giving up? You're just going to let yourself die off without even trying?"

Shisui turned to the small desk by the bed, pulled open the drawer, and pulled out a pen. "Here," he said, smiling, as he held the pen out to Sasuke, "write down that my favorite flowers are bluebells."

What the hell!? Sasuke slapped the pen away and stepped back, fire erupting within him. "I can't believe this." He sneered down at the will, saw that it had wrinkled up completely, and held it between two hands. "Fine. Give up. Live a coward." He tore the paper up into small pieces and threw them over Shisui. The paper fluttered around white, sad eyes, looking like snow. Sasuke left for the door, glaring at him from over his shoulder.

Before he slammed the door behind him, he said one last sentence that turned his lips as blue as his dead, frozen, brother's.

"Die for all I care."

...

When he found Hinata, he grabbed her arm and forced her to follow him, ignoring her hush worries as he led them out into the hospital parking lot. It was cold outside, and late, and dark. He was tired and angry, sad and frustrated, and some many other things that he couldn't begin to understand, so instead of wallowing like he's done for the entirety of his life, he let it all lose.

"FUCK YOU!" he screamed to the sky, at God, at Itachi, at every other dead Uchiha up there who made life miserable for him and his brothers. "FUCK YOU!"

And when Hinata pulled him to her, he screamed into the collar of her sweater instead and slammed his fists into the sides of his legs until they were numb. And once he was done screaming and hitting and hating everything about anything, he fell deeper into Hinata and whispered "I love you" and "Don't leave" and "I don't want you to die" and anything else that he should have just said to Shisui.

But the hospital had bright lights, and Uchihas had their pride, and they could only ever get over it when it was dark and no one was looking.

...

And above them, clouds roamed, and snow began to fall again.

Chapter Thirty - End