Chapter 22

As Yue-lung pretty much demanded, Soo-ling returns upstairs and everything can really be like before. And just like Yue-lung promised, Blanca is no longer invited to eat with them. The mafia boss still sees him at tea - Soo-ling wishes he knew what those two talk about, and then again he quite doesn't - but most of the time the bodyguard stays in his rooms without showing him face around. Actually, Soo-ling is too happy to be bothered with Blanca, hard as he finds to believe his happiness. Yet, every attempt to bring himself down to earth ends in failure, so he keeps floating in that peculiar daze that makes him believe he's capable of absolutely everything.

Everything could have gone wrong, but the miracle happened and the two of them are still here, like they were before. Soo-ling once thought he was satisfied with his life, but now he realizes he was just being a kid who had no idea about happiness. Staying with Yue-lung fills him with ecstatic joy, and despite being unable to experience any carnal pleasure, too, at least not together. Apparently, like he concludes in a moment of hopeless sentimentality, the more important things are in heart and one could be happy without going to bed right away.

However, he promised they would go to bed and that it would be entirely different from everything Yue-lung experienced before. He declared that they both would enjoy it. Soo-ling has no idea about man-sex, but he has imagination and his own body can pretty much teach him a thing or two; if the worst comes to the worst, he will somehow obtain knowledge from a third party. The real problem is making Yue-lung accept being touched without 'switching off'. Soo-ling is certain that having sex with somebody who doesn't experience it is out of question for him. That moment when he gave in to desire, only to notice he could as well hold a dead body in his arms, shook him to the core and helped him understand that it shouldn't be like that. He won't let it happen ever again.

They talked about it a bit. Yue-lung confirmed what Soo-ling had already realized himself: that it doesn't occur every time he's being touched, only when the touch is lust driven. After all, they happened to hold hands or casually touch each other before, for all Soo-ling tried to avoid it... maybe even too much, haha. In the end, the only conclusion he reaches is that he must get Yue-lung used to him, also in a physical manner, no matter how difficult or time-consuming it might be. It is the first stage, and the next will be to make Yue-lung feel like doing it, too.

Soo-ling is aware that the latter will be much harder to achieve. During the conversation they had after those two horrible days of separation, he realized that for Yue-lung sexual intimacy meant only pain and suffering. It is likely that Yue-lung never had any pleasure from sex, maybe even didn't feel any sexual desire. When knowing his past, something like that it very easy to understand. Yet, for some reason, he kept on denying that having sex with Soo-ling was a problem; he actually insisted that they did it. Soo-ling isn't courageous enough to inquire about the cause behind that; maybe he doesn't want to force Yue-lung into saying what he fears to hear, 'If we don't do it, you will leave.' He wouldn't leave, of course, but it's not the point here; such words would simply prove that Yue-lung considers sex with him only as a necessary measure, which would be... terribly unpleasant. On the other hand... does Soo-ling really expect Lee Yue-lung to return his feelings? He must be crazy.

Still, he wants to believe that when Yue-lung said, 'I don't mind it to be with you,' he really meant that. Even if, of the two, Soo-ling is the one to talk about feelings and declare love, he knows as much that Yue-lung got attached to him, too, as much as it's possible for someone like him. Soo-ling long ago ceased to see him as an empty, selfish person incapable of any deeper emotion. However, he must accept that the two of them have different ways of feeling and displaying those feelings, just like they are two different people.

In any case, he has no choice but to start executing his plan. What helps him in it is, again, Yue-lung's divine hair. After a few days of perfectly correct and proper handling it - it takes all his might to control his body because its touch every time sends shivers down his spine - Soo-ling begins to deliberately cross the borders he once set. True, he did happen to occasionally brush his fingers against Yue-lung's neck or shoulders, as if by accident, but now he moves in the open, without any intention to hide his feelings.

Like that day when, after doing Yue-lung's hair in a neat knot, he puts the comb down and touches the man's earlobes and then moves his fingers down, gently and firmly at the same time, along the line of his neck, all the way to the collar of his shirt. Yue-lung reacts with a tremble, but before he turns back, Soo-ling already took his hands away. Another time he cups Yue-lung's face from behind and kisses the top of his head, and the next day he dares to kiss his ear. Another day, still holding a comb, he brushes his hair to the side and kisses his neck, just like he dreamt of it for a while. When doing it, he must only keep himself from repeating, 'I love you,' hard as it is. But he said it once, and it seems to him it should do.

Every time, Yue-lung reacts with a tremble, often with a soft cry, too, and sometimes he even calls his name in a surprise. Nevertheless, he never objects it nor forbids it, nor scolds Soo-ling. When he turns to look at him, there's no disgust or blankness on his face, nor any negative emotions; there's only astonishment. Sometimes he asks, "Sing, what are you doing?" and Soo-ling answers, "But I have your permission."

Then Soo-ling dares to go further: attack frontally though still unexpectedly. He may suddenly grab Yue-lung's hand and put it to his lips to kiss its back or fingers, or the wrist. Or - well, it's not exactly frontal - embrace him from behind and press his cheek to Yue-lung's cheek for a few seconds. Or - which is hopelessly romantic - suddenly put one arm around Yue-lung's shoulders and kiss his forehead. All that lasts just a moment and they get apart again - it's not easy, but Soo-ling can do it because his will still prevails over his body - but the next occasion will come soon, maybe tomorrow or even the next hour.

Touching Yue-lung who is aware of his desire - and doesn't object - is intoxicating... and very satisfying. It forms yet another bond between the two of them, a new quality that wasn't there before: intimacy. And every time Soo-ling does so, he has that funny feeling of acceptation that he didn't need earlier. Now he is delighted by that impression of doing the right thing; it adds self-confidence. On the other hand, he becomes more and more aware how much he wishes to go further... to take Yue-lung in his arms and never let him go, to kiss every part of his body and make the two of them become one. It's like he said before: Yue-lung means a world to him, and Soo-ling wants him all to himself. He looks forward to the day when he really will get him. He doesn't allow himself the thought it will never happen.

Actually, this situation - instead of frustrating him - gives him some perverse pleasure, but maybe it's because his euphoria just continues. He's never considered himself to be a patient person - usually, he always takes what he wants right away - but now it seems to him he will wait as long as needed to achieve his goal. He's motivated by the feeling it will be worth it... and if it helps to polish his character, too, then all the better.

Sometimes he comes to the conclusion he became an incurable optimist. 'I think you've always been one,' Yue-lung commented in a reserved voice, raising his eyebrows, one time Soo-ling happened to mention it aloud. It was more embarrassing than everything they've done so far.

After a few weeks of spring, Sergei is certain that, just as he hoped, Yue-lung and Sing's relationship entered a new stage. After his intervention - Yue-lung didn't even notice it, and Sing paid him with a punch in the face for it - the young men worked yet another problem out and the things are getting only better... at least, Sergei wants to see it that way. Nevertheless, the mafia boss seems to feel pretty well indeed, and he appears focused on his life. As for Sing, Sergei hardly ever meets him as the boy keeps avoiding him, and when they happen to pass each other in the corridor, Sing ostentatiously looks away. Sergei is positive he's never seen such a persistent animosity in the young Chinese - he probably didn't even expect him to be capable of it, in the first place - and he finally starts to feel guilty about it. He's always respected Sing, so now he's weighted upon by realization that, despite his good intentions and even better results, he made the boy furious and... well, hurt him.

In April, when Yue-lung is having a teleconference with the management of the syndicate in his office and Sing has yet to leave to his morning training in the gym, Sergei goes to the latter's room in order to have a man-to-man conversation. He knocks at the open door and then enters. Sing is packing his bag but, upon seeing him, straightens up and gives him a glare. Sergei is struck by the thought there's no much left of a kid in Sing; he hasn't noticed it until now, but it makes him happy.

They stand in silence for a moment, and then Sing announces, "I'm not going to thank you," just as Sergei says, "I wanted to apologize."

Sing blinks in astonishment before frowning even more and clenching his fists. "To me? " he asks, clearly trying to remain calm. "It's him you should apologize to...! Do you have any idea how he must've felt because of you...? That is..." he lowers his voice, "because of me... But it was all your fault!" he adds aggressively.

Sergei revises his opinion: Sing is still on his path to becoming an adult... but it doesn't change the fact he's a wonderful person. He smiles. "You really love him," he says, trying to put all his admiration into these words.

Sing opens his mouth and then shuts it again. He looks away, with a blush creeping onto his cheeks. His embarrassment is charming, and it doesn't make him look weak at all.

"Everything turned out okay," Sergei says amicably.

"I'm not going to thank you!" Sing repeats; his embarrassment burned in his anger at once.

"I don't even expect that," Sergei replies calmly. "I only want you to know I didn't do it in order to make either of you feel bad."

"So you failed," Sing mutters, folding his arms. "Though, like you said, everything turned out okay. For now. But not thanks to you!" he emphasizes.

"Of course not thanks to me," Sergei agrees because it's the right thing to do.

Sing casts a mistrustful look at him. "We would be fine without you, too. I knew it right from the beginning," he informs.

Sergei stifles his laughter. "In any case, let me say this: you're doing things right."

Now Sing snorts in disbelief. "You know what? Go back to the Caribbean already. Don't you miss home?"

"You're doing things right, so keep it up," Sergei repeats.

"I don't need your advice!" Sing calls in exasperation, shaking his head. "If you don't shut up, I'll punch you again."

Sergei sits down on the armrest of the coach. "I will, but I'd like you to listen to me one last time," he requests. "And I promise to never interfere with your affairs again. All right?"

Sing glowers at him but doesn't object, which Sergei considers as a consent. "You're probably right when you blame me," he says. "I took advantage of my position of someone who looks from the outside and sees more and has the unique monopoly on interfering without suffering any consequences. That's why," he continues in a pressing voice, ignoring Sing's comment, 'You're an awful man, you realize it?', "I did it. However, now I understand that it's you two who suffered the consequences. I acted on the rule that the end justifies the means but, like you pointed out, I made you feel bad. It wasn't right, and I apologize to you for that."

"It's him you should apologize to!" Sing calls like before.

Sergei remains silent for a moment. "He didn't even notice what happened," he says in the end.

"Worse for you. You must apologize and explain what you did wrong," Sing states with satisfaction.

"Fine," Sergei acquiesces to it, holding back a sigh.

Sing looks closely at him for a longer while and then winces. "You don't even like him, right?" he says in disbelief, bitterly.

Sergei averts his eyes. He forgot that Sing is sharp. "In any case, I want him to be happy, and I know he can be happy with you. I said it many times before, and you just kept proving me right with your actions. You're the best thing that has ever happened to him, Sing. So I just want to ask that you stay with him. As long as he needs it."

"No need to worry about it," Sing declares in a cool voice. "But let me tell you one thing: contrary to you, I don't consider staying with him to be a duty or some mission. It's not that only he needs me, while I would be better off with someone else. I wouldn't."

Sergei smiles again. "Sing, you're much better human being than I."

"Will you stop it already? I don't believe a single word you say," Sing swears, looking to the side. "Besides, it's not so hard to be better than you," he adds under his breath.

Sergei laughs. "Then, let's forget comparisons: you're one of the best people I've ever known."

Sing frowns and glances at him. "Why are you telling me all that?" he finally asks, and this time there's no aggression in his voice.

"Because that's what I think and because you deserve it," Sergei explains sincerely and with great affection. "I'm glad I could meet you, Sing Soo-ling. You're someone I want to wish only good things. But I'm perfectly sure you will be fine as you know what love is, and love... Love turns boys into men."

And to this Sing has no answer.