CHAPTER 30
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… all the way from Lima, Ohio… the New Directions." Finn said into the microphone, and the New Directions walked on stage for their performance. Finn walked away and sat down on one of the deck chairs. He wasn't working that day, so he just sat and watched their performance.
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time
These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I'd loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time all the time
Finn noticed that the New Directions' performance was very female-centric. Puck, Sam, Mike and Artie were merely back up singers to the girls. He took a sip from his mojito and watched the performance. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he missed them. And he missed competing - whether it be in football or Glee. In Hawaii, Finn felt like he was trapped in some kind of bubble: he needed to reintegrate back into society. Also, Mike was right. Getting into college next year on a football scholarship was probably his best chance of going to college alone. But he would be losing too much by going back. He would have to rent a motel room for a year - costing him an exorbitant sum - as he didn't really want to stay with them. Who would he stay with? The guy who was the father of the baby that Finn was told was his, or the people who knew about it but didn't want to tell Finn, in fear of him not performing well during Sectionals. And Santana hadn't even made eye contact with him: she was clearly still pissed. But Finn was also angry. As hard as it might have been for her, it was guaranteed harder for Finn. When would she realise that he didn't want to leave, but he had to! If it were up to Finn, his mom would still be alive, and Finn was back in Lima. But you can't always get what you want! Mr. Schue's words from the auditorium right before Sectionals echoed back into his head. Mr. Schue told him that he had to be the bigger man, and Finn had done so time and time. But at this point, he was done. If Santana wanted to be angry, she could be angry. He was not going to lose sleep over it.
Finn took a quick nap on one of the deckchairs and he woke up just as New Directions finished their performance and walked off stage. Finn spotted Santana at the back of the group. She looked at him briefly, but he avoided eye contact. He got up off his deckchair as he was starting to sunburn, and he walked towards his suite. As he was getting into the elevator, someone called from down the corridor.
"Hold the door please!" They called, and Finn's blood ran cold. It was the absolute last person in the world he wanted to be trapped in an elevator with, even for the mere seconds that it took for them to make it. He held the door open and heard the sound of flip flops running towards him. As Santana turned the corner into the elevator, her eyes widened when she saw who was there.
"I can get the next lift." She said, starting to walk backwards.
"Just shut up and get in the lift." Finn said, rolling her eyes. She sighed and walked back into the elevator. She pressed the button for the 3rd floor and Finn pressed the one for the 7th. The elevator started rising and stopped on the 3rd floor. They didn't speak during the short ride and when the door opened, she started to get out when Finn held her arm back.
"Look, I know how much we both hate this, but should we talk? We're clearly pissed at each other, and we need to confront each other about it, or it's never going to go away. It's just gonna get worse."
Santana closed her eyes. She was about to have a conversation she had been dreading for the past 4 months.
"Fine, should we talk in my room?" She asked. Finn shook his head.
"Just come to mine. It's got more privacy, and we won't be overheard by one of the nosy Glee gossips."
Santana laughed briefly, and then she realised what was happening, and the tight scowl reappeared on her face. The lift started moving again, and it brought them to the 7th floor. When they stepped out, Santana wolf-whistled.
"Wow, this floor is a lot fancier than the 3rd." She pointed out. She was right. The corridors were carpeted with a long, rich persian carpet, and the air smelled faintly like lavenders. On the third, the corridor smelt like a combination of sunscreen and chlorine. They walked down the hall to Finn's room, which was situated at the far corner of the floor. Finn unlocked the door and they stepped inside. Santana's jaw dropped. Finn had a really nice place! It contained a living room with a TV, Keyboard, guitar, playstation, sofa and armchair; a bedroom with a king size bed and another TV; a large bathroom with a bathtub, shower, sink and toilet; and finally, a terrace with two chairs and a table.
"Wow, nice place." She commented. Finn nodded.
"Thanks. Let's talk on the terrace." He suggested. She nodded, and they walked through the living room, and through the bedroom to make it on the terrace. While they were walking through the bedroom, something caught Santana's eye. There were a couple of framed photos on Finn's nightstand. As far as she could tell, they were the only part of Finn's room that he had actually personalized. She walked over to them. There were 5 framed photos: the first was of Finn and Carole; the second was of Finn and a boy she remembered as George from the funeral. George had tried to call her about 3 months ago, looking for Finn. Santana, who was still extremely angry at Finn, hung up in George's face - she felt slightly bad about that as she knew that George had no idea what happened between Finn and Santana and George was just caring about his friend. The third photo was of Finn, George and two other boys who Santana also recognised from the funeral. The fourth was of Finn and the New Directions during Regionals; and the fifth photo was of Finn and Santana in Six Flags. They had gone shortly after Santana had been cast out by her parents - Finn thought that she needed a distraction, so he took her out for a really fun day in the theme park. They rode the Mighty Monster - the biggest roller coaster in the park - and they both looked really queasy during the in-ride picture. Finn had decided to purchase two copies of the photo at the gift stand - one for him and one for Santana. Although she would never admit it, she still had her copy of the photo. She stashed it deep down in her cupboard after Finn ran away - she didn't want to look at it, but she didn't have the heart to throw it out.
"You still have this?" She asked in disbelief. Finn turned around and saw what she was holding. He nodded.
"Yeah, those pictures are literally the only connection that I had with the people I left."
"You weren't lying about the phone excuse, were you?" She realised. Finn nodded.
"Yeah, I got jumped by a gang one night. my phone was broken during the fight. It was only when I started working in this hotel that I was able to buy a new phone. I was able to transport the SIM card, but I lost all of my old phone's data."
"Finn… I… I'm really sorry. I thought you were avoiding everyone."
"That's fine. That's not what I care about. What I care about is, after everything that happened, you actually thought that I cared so little about you that I would want to leave without saying goodbye! And you have the fucking nerve to call me a coward and a bitch?!" Finn started to raise his voice.
"You should have come to say goodbye. You couldn't have taken 5 fucking minutes out of your busy schedule?!" She matched his voice's volume and stood up. Finn stood his ground and stood up as well.
"You think I wanted any of this? You think I wanted my mom to have been murdered? Me to have to be homeless for a month, being jumped by gangs? Having to leave the friends I love so much, right before Nationals? Having to end my high school life to try and earn minimal amounts of money? NO! I didn't. But life isn't all fairies and rainbows!"
"You don't think I know that?" She shouted back. "You don't think I know that? I'm a teenage, lesbian, Latina. I'm in practically every single minority. I get insulted, verbally abused, segregated and treated differently for no reason but my sexuality, my gender or my heritage! I know what hardship feels like!"
"Don't you dare compare my situation to yours." Finn growled in a low, menacing voice. "My mom hanged herself when I was 7; my dad was extremely physically and emotionally abusive, to the extent that I actually ran away from home at age 7! Let me tell you, Santana, it's not easy being a 7 year old homeless kid. I earn 20 dollars from some sympathetic passer-byer and 5 minutes later, it's been ripped away from me by a huge, homeless adult with a knife. I had no bed to come home to, no school to go to. I had to steal fucking clothes and textbooks to educate and dress myself!" Finn was starting to yell again, and Santana knew better than to interrupt him. "It was a literal hell for 7 fucking years! And then I was put into foster care, which was even worse! It was basically 200 of the homeless people in the city all under one roof. There were gangs of 18 years olds who would prey on the younger kids - stealing from them, beating them up, shaving their heads, and sometimes even sexually assaulting them! I somehow managed to survive that, and I was adopted by Carole. I finally got a normal 2 years of my life - but I suffered from severe PTSD and mental health issues. I was in therapy for 2 years. Then, I moved to Lima and joined the Glee club, where I was screwed up and duped out of 15,000 dollars by eleven people who were willing to let me throw my life away, just for a good Sectionals performance. Then, a couple of months later, my mom was murdered, and I was forced to run away from home and was homeless for a month. I wasn't able to speak to my best friends, and I knew that they thought that I betrayed them. Then, I finally caught a lucky break and got this job. I've been to hell and back at least three times, so don't you dare even think about saying that what you've been through is even close to mine."
Finn panted for breath after his outburst, and Santana's jaw dropped. She never really considered how much Finn's been through. She was really just thinking about herself. But her life wasn't perfect either - Finn was making it seem like she had a really privileged life. But she didn't.
"Look, I'm really sorry about everything you've been through, but I have been through stuff as well. My parents fucking cast me out after I told them my sexuality!"
"I know that! And where did you go? MY HOUSE FOR TWO MONTHS! And your mom took you back! Mine is fucking gone! Carole's never coming back! And you call me a bitch? Hell no! I'm not standing for that! Get the fuck out of my room." He spat. Santana nodded,
"With pleasure." She snarled and stormed out. Finn collapsed on his bed. He was angrier at Santana than ever: she had the gall to call him a coward and a bitch. He didn't want friends like her, and he was unlikely to return to the Glee club - as much as he missed singing in the Glee club, he didn't want to be around people like her. It would take some miracle for him to return. Suddenly, his phone rang. It was his miracle.
Please Review. Next chapter should be out today or tomorrow. Don't worry. Finn does come back eventually