Chapter Twenty Two: With a Whisper
"You're playing with fire, Broody Brows." Alex had come back to the loft after school and had promptly laid herself out over the uncomfortable couch in a spread-eagle position that her mother would have scolded her about. Derek was shuffling through some papers on his spare desk - probably trying to make himself look more important than he was.
Alex didn't need to look up to know that he was glaring at her.
"Scott has his panties in a tight bunch." She continued, stretching languidly, "It's probably pretty painful to be completely honest. Maybe you could lighten up, you know, with the biting of our classmates." She rolled her eyes at the fact that this was a current topic of conversation. Derek just didn't have much foresight when it came to making decisions like these, he acted first and thought later and Alex was getting pretty fed up with cleaning up his messes.
"He's not the only one." Derek commented, busying himself with shuffling through the same papers he'd been fiddling with since she had walked in. "Your panties seemed pretty tightly wound when you stomped in here, grumbling, huffing and being a more unpleasant version of yourself than you usually are."
"Alright. That one kind of stung." She admitted, giving him a once over. She knew Derek's tactics at this point. He was avoiding her line of questioning - trying to divert the conversation before he admitted too much about whatever weird grand plan he had in motion that involved an army of teens with fangs.
Derek let out a loud huff of air, taking his eyes off of his desk and the mess of papers he had created on it, unnecessarily. He put his elbows on his desk and eyed her with a laser like focus. It didn't take a deep emotional connection to understand that he was unimpressed with how she'd approached this discussion, but she didn't care. He was asking for a Scott McCall beat down and he knew it.
"I don't care about your teenage love story dramatics and I definitely don't care about Scott McCall." He said, with a surprising amount of malice. Alex was confused as to where this was coming from. When Derek got mad and spit hateful words at her, there was usually a reason. She was simply relaying Scott's unhappiness and this felt like the definition of killing the messenger.
"I'm just trying to give you a heads up." Alex retorted, angling herself into a more suitable position for whatever confrontation was about to happen. "Also, what fucking love story - stop trying to distract me when I'm trying to do you a favour and warn you about the Teen Wolf who isn't very happy with you at the moment." Her glare was far more intimidating than his and they both knew it. "You could tone down the 'jackass'."
Derek stood from his desk, irritated. "It is a love story." A few papers fell from the desk as he moved his hands carelessly. "If there is one chemo trail I can pick up a mile away - it's love. It's a foul scent." His nose wrinkled up as if he were recalling a memory. "Every time that poor sappy idiot was here - he reeked of it. It permeated the carpets, the couch - fucking everything."
He ran a hand through his hair and a gravelly echo emanated from his throat that made Alex's hands itch to reach for her daggers.
"This couch sucks, anyway." She said offhandedly, trying to defuse whatever had Derek so irritable. He wasn't going to be swayed so easily. He walked slowly around the front of his desk to stare her down with cold eyes. This wasn't about Stiles and even if it was, it wasn't like he had any right to comment on it. He was just upset that he was losing control of the situation he'd put himself in. Derek had dug his own grave and was now trying to make her feel as out of control as he did. She could recognize that in his eyes, but it still pissed it her off.
"When you and Stiles had your fucked up little lovers quarrel over the summer I was actually pleased because I didn't have to smell it on him." Derek was spitting his words at her like poison and Alex actually flinched at his malice. "But the smell of your heartbreak was worse."
Alex's heart was hammering in her chest. She understood how chemo trails worked but she didn't ever think she would be in a situation where her roommate would be reading her to filth over it. Derek actually seemed angry at her for this. It was like the more he talked, the more he convinced himself that Stiles was actually the reason he was angry. It made her scowl and turn her mouth up at the corner in a disgusted snarl.
How immature could he get?
"Heartbreak?" She questioned, standing from the couch to face him at eye level even though he had more than a few inches on her. "Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?"
"I'm telling you the truth!" He roared, face turning red. There was a second of silence and Alex could see Derek visibly trying to calm himself down. His eyes fluttered shut and his breaths were laboured, yet controlled. "I understand that may be a term you are unfamiliar with."
"What the fuck is your problem?" She yelled, the words exploding from her without her consent. He wanted a fight and now he was going to get one.
"My problem is that I don't care that you're in love with Stiles so go tell someone who actually cares - like Stiles!" He was shouting too and they had ended up face to face, breathing so heavily with anger that she could feel his breath against her face and he could feel hers. There was a tick in his jaw, thrumming to the beat of his pulse, that she could have reached up and licked if she'd wanted to.
"You're the one who keeps bringing him up, not me!" She was irritated. He was making her feel like some dumb teenage girl who couldn't stop talking about her crush when he was the one who'd brought up the sore subject in the first place.
They stared at each other for a tense moment, Derek's eyes bounced between her eyes and her mouth before he broke the silence.
"Get out. I need to focus." He said eventually, his voice much softer - almost a whisper.
Alex's eyes tracked his face, she was confused with the change of tone and atmosphere and it made her own voice came out a little softer as well. "On what?" She was still mad at his little tantrum. "Which teenager in the vicinity has the worst daddy issues so you can trick them into joining team Jacob?"
"Well, I wouldn't have to look too far." He said, the spell of their anger and proximity had been broken by Alex and Derek's comment was the final jab and they both took simultaneous steps backwards. "You interested?"
Alex's sneer carved deep groves into her pale face. "You. Are a jackass." The announcement came hard and fast before she promptly snatched her discarded hoodie and made her way towards the door.
As she left, she thought about how disappointing it was that the large metal front door was a sliding door, making it impossible for her slam it no matter how hard she pulled it.
.
It was well after eleven at night and the streets were dim as Alex trudged on the sidewalk, hood pulled over her head and the strings pulled taught to cover her face. Her shoulders were slumped and she might have looked homeless and dejected to anyone who was looking at her. She kicked a few rocks that were unfortunate enough to cross her path and she grumbled unintelligibly when she kicked them aggressively off of the curb.
Alex was pissed.
She was not in love with Stiles Stilinski. Derek was a liar - a liar that couldn't smell his own hind leg if he'd peed on it. He was also probably dropped on his head as a puppy because chemo trails were not an exact science.
Were they?
How had he managed to turn the fight around on her? Why was he even mad about anything other than Scott? She couldn't follow his train of thought as well as she thought she could. She was confused and angry and itching to stab something. It wasn't as though her relationships with Stiles and his friends were unknown. She'd connected with all of them in some way or another. It was inevitable with her change in mindset and when she'd chosen them over her family.
She was beginning to love all of them. Scott, Stiles, Lydia - but not in love. Stiles had admitted that he loved her and Alex was pretty sure that he was just a hormonal teenage boy who's blood rushed south when he saw a reasonably attractive female walk by.
It's not that Stiles hadn't seemed genuine when he had admitted how he felt about her in the parking lot that night, but it was easy to confuse ones feelings. Especially when one barely had time to figure out romantic feelings because one was constantly running for ones life!
It didn't seem plausible that love was a factor in this.
If Derek couldn't see that, then he had been dropped harder than she thought. Chemo trails were shit.
She flinched visibly as she walked, the feeling overtaking her suddenly. The nostalgia of Stiles holding her while she slept electrified every cell in her body. How warm he was, how his hands had never wandered anywhere even when she was silently begging them to. She slammed her eyes shut so hard she saw white.
She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the unfamiliar feeling that rushed over her like cold water.
"No." She said aloud, like it would help the thought leave her head faster. "Nope."
"Alex?"
The girl in question turned to see a slightly stunned Lydia Martin behind her. Lydia was regarding her with a strange mix of something akin to disgust and confusion as a small, fluffy dog trotted obediently beside her.
"Lydia. Hi." Alex answered. Then, lamely, "What's up?"
"Not my thumbs in favour of your outfit." Said Lydia, lips pursed in judgement. "This is definitely not 'best foot forward'. Who died?"
Alex pulled her hood down and shrugged, almost allowing a smile to pull on her lips. You could always count on Lydia for a biting remark and unsolicited fashion advice. "We're not at school. Beside, it's got to be midnight by now." Alex gestured to the empty street. "Sorry I didn't put on fake eyelashes to go for a walk."
Lydia scoffed and gestured to her own attire. Little leather boots, black tights and a light green pea coat that probably covered an equally stylish dress underneath. Her hair was swept up into a neatly braided ponytail and her make up was flawless.
"I've never seen you look so . . . unkempt." Lydia stated. Concern flashed in her green eyes momentarily. It was gone so fast that Alex didn't even see it.
"Look Lydia," Alex sighed, pulling her hood back up over her head. "I've had a rough night and as much as I love our little verbal sparring matches - I'm really not up for it tonight."
Lydia eyed her friend curiously.
"Walk with me." Lydia demanded, voice as chipper as her megawatt smile.
Alex was too emotionally drained to argue so she fell into step with the strawberry blonde and her puppy.
"Who's this?" Alex asked, looking at the dog and hoping to start a conversation that didn't lead to Lydia trying to pry into her personal life.
"Prada." She answered, a proud lilt to her mouth.
Alex snorted before she could choke it back. Of corse the little mutt's name was Prada. It didn't even bother to look back when its name was said, it just pranced along beside Lydia - it's nose high in the air.
Definetly Lydia's dog.
"She's cute." Alex said.
"I know, right?!" Lydia agreed. "Now," She continued, "Are you going to tell me why you're dressed like a homeless man, prowling the streets?"
"Lydia." It came out as a warning and Alex's mood dropped substantially lower.
"Alex, are we friends or not?" Lydia demanded, her voice raising an octave. It seemed to be a rhetorical question because Lydia continued to speak. "I was under the impression that we are. Friends, by definition tell each other things. So, spill."
"It's really not that big of a deal." Alex admitted, feeling stupid before she'd even confessed what had happened.
"Judging by your appearance -"
"Enough about the hoodie, already." She grumbled. "I got into a bit of a disagreement with a," A pause. "Friend."
"Stiles?"
"No." Alex rolled her eyes. Did everyone think she had a thing for Stilinski? "A different friend, but I guess it was about Stiles." She admitted. "Kind of."
Lydia hummed, the sound punctuated by the clicking of her heels on the pavement and Prada's dog tags clinking against the metal on her collar.
"All that talk about friends tell each other shit, and that's all you have to say?" Alex was taken aback. Lydia never cared to keep any of her opinions to herself.
"Was it a guy?" She asked, "The one you got into a fight with?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It's obvious, then." Lydia turned her head to look at Alex and blinked at her confusion. "Your angry male friend is jealous that you and Stiles look like you want to jump each others bones every time you're together."
"That isn't helpful." Alex glared at the side of Lydia's face. "Besides, this friend - it isn't like that."
"You're so strong, and brave - a force to be reckoned with." Lydia said it with so much kindness that Alex's jaw popped open. "But, you're hopeless when it comes to boys. Even more than that - you're hopeless when it comes to matters of the heart."
Alex didn't say anything in response. This was one of the rare moments where Lydia allowed to herself to be truly seen. Those rare moments when she let someone see how insightful, intelligent and perceptive she was. Alex may not have liked what she was saying, but she wasn't going to interrupt Lydia when she shone this way.
"Everyone can see how that boy looks at you. Like you hung the moon." Her voice was soft, she wasn't mocking her. "Sometimes, before you catch yourself, you look at him the same way."
Alex took a deep breath, deciding that she was going to try to be as open as Lydia. The breath was stilted and ragged. "Stiles has - he's helped me. In more ways than I probably know about." Alex said carefully. "I trust him. I don't do that very easily - my life hasn't allowed for it. That look you see on his face and mine, it's trust."
"It's more than that for him." She said, stopping in front of a beautiful house. She turned to look Alex square in the face, her eyes confident. "When you came to this school, to Beacon Hill's, you took everyone by storm. Everyone was infatuated with the beautiful blonde, with the fire in your eyes, the bite in your words, how you looked ready to take on the world. Hell," She offered a small laugh, "Even I was intimidated, which never happens."
"Infatuation." Alex nodded. "You're proving my point."
"I'm not done." Her tone was clipped. "The 'shiny new girl' effect wore off. The fire, the bite - people became apprehensive, you didn't exactly try to stave off that reputation either." She smirked at her knowingly. "Stiles' infatuation wore off too. But instead of turning to fear or intimidation, it turned into actual feelings. Lord help him."
"Help him?" Alex questioned. "Help me."
"No." She shook her head. "Alex, you're not exactly the warmest person in the world - or the nicest for that matter. Neither am I," She said quickly to avoid offending her friend, "that's why we get along so well. Maybe Stiles is a glutton for punishment - but I guarantee that he is the one who needs the divine help in this situation."
Of course, Lydia was right. They both knew it but Alex wasn't ready to say it out loud. She swallowed thickly.
"Alex," Lydia soft voice floated gently to her ears, "I've spent most of high school trying to get Jackson to look at me the way Stiles looks at you.
Lydia looked sad. Broken. Like she wanted to scream and Alex felt guilty for complaining over the attention she was receiving from the best man she could ever hope to know. She could see Lydia's sadness, the jealousy when she saw Jackson and Allison together. She saw the way Lydia admired Jackson and tried her best to be the best. For him. Always for him.
"You deserve that, you know." Alex said, awkwardly trying to replicate the soft voice that Lydia used with her. It sounded wrong in her mouth and Lydia laughed without any trace of humour.
"It's never about deserving it." In a flash, the sadness in her face that pulled her mouth down at the corners was gone and she was smiling her patented Lydia Martin smile. "Come in, we'll have a sleepover."
.
Lydia's bedroom was aglow in a dim light that came from the twinkling fairy lights that fell from the ceiling over one wall. The soft pastel pink of her walls bathed the whole room in a warm hue and the floral scented candle that burned on her desk smelled exactly like the perfume Lydia sprayed on her neck and wrists every day. Lydia herself was perched on the chair in front of her vanity mirror as she examined her hair intensely.
Alex lounged languidly on Lydia's bed, surrounded by yellow and pink throw pillows inhaling the last of her pizza crust.
"Thanks for sleeping over." Lydia said, looking at Alex from the reflection of her mirror while she touched up her lipgloss.
"Thanks for the invite, Red." Alex smiled, polishing off her pizza crust and reaching for her flask. "And the pizza."
The serious nature of their discussion outside had faded to something lighter. Something Alex was a little unfamiliar with these days, but it was nice. She was smiling and Lydia's mood got brighter when Alex allowed her to dress her in a flimsy green nightgown and brush out her hair.
If Alex was being honest, she was a little nervous to accept Lydia's invitation for a girls night in. Lydia was one of the few people in her life that had no idea of the existence of the supernatural and Alex felt oddly protective of that fact. Like, Lydia's ignorance of the matter was their last vestige of hope. In a sense, she realized, she had transferred those feelings from Allison to Lydia.
It was risky to sleep here. Alex agonized over the possibility that Lydia would wake in the early morning to blood stained sheets and a ruined nightgown. What would the strawberry blonde think if she found her friend littered with deep gouges caused her own nails. She would be terrified probably - but then she would have questions. Lydia would find her own answers to those questions and she would find them, because Lydia was Lydia.
If things were different, Alex would have liked to bring her into the supernatural fold because along with Stiles, she was the smartest person she knew and who wouldn't want Lydia Martin on their side? But that was not going to happen. Too may lives had been ruined or taken by this secret.
"I have to admit." Lydia started, turning around in her seat to face Alex head on. "I had ulterior motives for inviting you in tonight. Not that I didn't just want to carb load and watch a movie, but I also have something I want to talk to you about and for some reason I feel like you might understand."
Alex pushed herself up into a sitting position and gave Lydia her undivided attention.
"Jackson," She stuttered over the name and this was the least composed Alex had ever seen her. "He think's I got him sick." She murmured the last part and Alex's brows knitted together.
"Why?"
"I don't know," Her eyes were tearing up. "He was aggressive and scary and said I'd ruined everything. But I'm clean! I was tested a few weeks ago and we were always safe."
Alex tensed. Jackson was an entire idiot. He thought Lydia was the reason his bite didn't take? How in the world had he reconciled that in his head? This is what Derek gets for shoving uninformed kids into the world of the supernatural, a world shrouded in enigma and mystery.
Answers weren't easy to find, you had to look for them. Often by yourself and often with no clue where to start.
Jackson wasn't informed enough to make a rational connection.
It was impulsiveness and stupidity that had him blaming Lydia. She was an easy target and he was angry.
"He's a dick." Alex assured her friend.
"That's not really everything." Lydia lowered her voice, "I've been - I've been seeing things. Impossible things." Lydia eyes glazed over as she stared into space, like she was watching a memory. A familiar face, crawling towards her. Bloody and bruised. Muddy and snarling.
Alex shivered at the word 'impossible'. She could relate to that. She waited for Lydia to continue but eventually, her perfectly coiffed strawberry blonde head snapped up and the glazed look in her eye was gone and her usual refined mask was in its place.
"I need my beauty sleep." She smiled, giving herself her last once over before crawling into the bed with Alex and flicking off the lights.
Alex decided not to push it.
She hoped it wasn't a mistake.
.
It had been nice to sleep next to someone again. To feel a warm body next to hers, even if Lydia did kick her a few times. She felt more rested than she had in weeks and she felt great. Lydia had woken her up insanely early to do Alex's hair, makeup and then pick out an outfit for her. She felt like a Barbie, but it had put a smile on Lydia's face and she thought it was worth it.
Lydia's arm was curled around hers as they walked through the halls, stopping eventually at her locker.
They were nearly barrelled into by two frantic idiots.
"Where were you last night?"
"You just disappeared!"
"I was worried."
Scott and Stiles talked over each other, words spilling out of their mouths and concern in their eyes. Stiles gave her a once over and when he was satisfied that she was unharmed he eased up and put a hand on Scott's shoulder, encouraging him to do the same.
"Dere - Uh, your dad texted us last night." Scott stumbled over the lie. "He didn't know where you were."
"He said you just took off!"
"Relax boys." There was an easy smile on her face due to the amount of sleep she'd gotten. "Lydia and I had a sleepover. Besides," She drawled with a pointed look at Scott, "I doubt my dad was too worried."
"That's the kind of thing you should tell me." Stiles grimaced, his jaw set in a hard line. He'd been going out of his mind with worry, all night. He'd snapped at anyone who looked at him the wrong way. He for sure owed his father an apology. His anger over her disappearing act softened when she smiled warmly at him and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I'll keep that in mind." She said easily.
He'd expected more of a fight from her and when she raised her eyebrow cheekily, he slung his arm heavily over her shoulders and tried not to notice when she leaned into his side.
He couldn't stay mad at her even if he wanted to.
Lydia was smirking at him.
"You look different today." He observed, looking down at her tucked underneath his arm.
Alex always dressed well for school, but today Lydia had dressed her up in a light pink sundress that would have been considered rather demur if it weren't for the fact that Lydia never wore anything that wasn't short enough to ride the line of the schools dress code. The plunge in the neckline was a little risqué, too. She was grateful when Lydia had handed her a silky denim jacket to put over it. To top off Lydia's little makeover, she'd pulled her hair into a braided headband across the top of her head and had loosely curled the rest of her hair so it fell in golden waves down her back.
It was pretty, but the damn braid was already giving her a headache.
"I think you meant, incredible." Lydia smiled, clapping her hands together.
"Because I'm a carbon copy of you." Alex teased, rolling her eyes and pulling away from Stiles when the heat of his body pressed against hers began causing her face to heat. She immediately missed the feel of him against her.
"Perfection." Lydia announced, tossing a tendril of hair over her shoulder. "See you at lunch."
"You're in a good mood today." Stiles surmised, gazing down at her curiously. A smile tugging at his mouth. He was happy she was happy and she knew that, somehow, just based on the look in his eyes. A warmth settled in her belly and propelled her forward, surging up to press her glossy lips to her favourite freckle on his cheek.
He stiffened beneath her. A bundle of tense shoulders and surprise.
"A really good mood." He choked out on a breath that hissed past his teeth. He watched her pull back from him, watched her survey the glossy smudge on his cheek and watched an almost shy smirk etch its way onto her face.
"Come on, Stilinski." She smiled, "Walk me to class."