Chapitre 27
Broken hearts

Igvid would have never thought she would see this kind of expression on Nuffink's face, even less she would be the one to paint it on his features. Sadness, shock, confusion and doubts washed away his bright smile. She still assumed he had looked like this three years prior, when he had found out about Avock cheating on him.

''What… ?'' The blond hesitated.

''I'm sorry, Nuffink.''

How come, she was sorry ? Frost should be ! She had not made it up, she had spotted him !

''I saw them, with my very eyes.'' She added, trying to hold back her burning hatred for the white-haired boy.

I had not been easy to tell Nuffink. She had thought about it during the night, wondering how to phrase it, when and how she could tell him, without anyone else to overhear it.

The dragon riders had reunited at the Academy for their daily activities, Gorth and Sneezelout had asked her if she had solved her problem, the only answer she had managed to give them was 'Not really', while looking sadly at Nuffink.

Seeing him arrive at the Academy, holding hands with Frost, it had broken her heart once again. They looked like the perfect couple, in love and happy… Frost was a really good actor, she had thought. She had wondered how to separate them, how to talk to Nuffink only, or if it was better to say it while the boy was next to them, to they could question him.

In the end, Birdlegs was the one to solve this problem because she had proposed Frost to come with her on a nearby island to study a group of Gronckles. The boy had been thrilled with the idea, and Nuffink had liked the idea of his boyfriend leaving for his first official dragon rider mission. The boy had earned the title but nothing was really official because he didn't have his own dragon scales armor. Though Igvid had heard the Haddocks had started to gather scales from Ruffrunner. The dragon was young and shedded a lot, it wouldn't take more than a month before they had enough to make a entire set.

So Igvid had made profit of Frost's mission to talk to Nuffink. She had interrupted a conversation between him and Zephyr, talking about Ruffrunner's scales, so she could take him away from the others and tell him the bad news. The devastated expression on his face felt like a stab in the chest for her. She had expected it to hurt him, thought she rathered act before Frost would fool Nuffink like Avock had done. She wanted to spare him more hurt, or at least diminish the damages. That's what she told him when he said he didn't believe her.

She insisted, tried to convince him, and soon their conversation turned into a fight, until the blond viking just left. He was so hurt and angry Igvid felt bad for him. He was denying it. But she knew him well enough to know he would think about it and end up asking Frost about it. And then, she could only picture two scenarios.

Nuffink would realise it and leave Frost, or Frost was such a good actor he would manage to fool him. Either case, it would fire back at the brunette, but she would gladly take the risk if it could help Nuffink. If the second case occured, she would confront Frost, tear the truth out of him and make sure he would leave Nuffink alone. Either case, it was just a matter of time before Nuffink would be freed from this.

She could only hope it would be sooner than later, so he would suffer from this the less possible. She watched him leaving, then she met the other's gaze. The three remaining riders looked at their friends/ siblings with surprise and worry. No doubt they had heard the argue, and nuffink storming out of the arena wouldn't go unoticed either.

Nuffink left the Academy. It left like he had been slapped in the face, stabbed in the heart and guts and beaten all the same. The pain was dizzying, the emotional pain was almost turning physical, his body was deprived of his strength, though his mind was wide awake… but empty. It couldn't be true, that's the only thing he could thing of. It couldn't be true. Frost would never do this. He was nothing like Avock, he wouldn't cheat on him, that didn't sound like him. Plus, he had promised to be careful with Selina. And everything they had shared, and their love… it was true, wasn't it ? He wouldn't have cheated on him… would he ?

Nuffink felt bad. Really bad. As if he was sick. He only wanted one thing : talk to Frost. He wanted to hear the boy tell him it wasn't true, that it was just a misunderstanding… but why would Igvid lie about this ?

It took several hours for the viking to calm down a bit, enough to get back to the Academy and to this work. Thought it was obvious he was not in his best mood. Questions and uncertaintities were swirling in his mind for the rest of the day, and Frost not being here didn't help him to focus. Zephyr and Gorth tried to talk to him, trying to understand what was wrong, but he couldn't tell them.

He wanted to talk to Frost first. Visibly, Igvid had not tell them while he was trying to calm down, so he mentally thanked his friend for that, though that didn't sooth him.

So he waited for Frost's return. He waited with anxiousness. He was afraid of the upcoming talk, and even wondered if he would find the courage to come to the subject. He had to. He just couldn't let it go as it was. He was afraid to face Frost alone, but at the same time he knew he wouldn't be able to talk at all if there was people to see and hear them. So the house was not an option to talk. But then, where ?

The frosted island when they shared a bed for the time ? The isle when they got together ? No to both, that was the worst place in the world where he could learn his lover was cheating on him. Nuffink shook his head in irritation, still refusing to believe it. A few hours ago, he was still the happiest man in the world, but now he felt pathetic and anguished. To the extend he didn't even want to see the one he loved. How things could have gone so sour ? Of course he knew how, but still he hoped it wasn't true.

He couldn't even bring himself to smile when the Deadly Nadder and the Night Light finally came back to the Academy. Frost and Birdlegs were laughing, panting, they seemed to have race back and had a lot of fun. Any other day, Nuffink would have smile, happy to see Frost, happy to see him that cheerful. But now he couldn't.

Frost waved to the others and trotted to Nuffink, hugging him. The viking felt a stinking pain in his chest, it felt like millions of tiny needles were poking at his skin, every inch of skin that was in touch with the chilly body of the merman. He tensed and couldn't hug back. Frost let go hesitantly and saw the sadness on his face.

''Hey, you okay ?''

Nuffink couldn't answer. He couldn't even meet his eyes. He hesitantly took the chilly hands in his. This tender gesture that had turned into a natural habit, now it felt weird, forced… and even painful. It felt almost wrong.

''Come, let's walk for a bit.'' Nuffink said.

''Huh… Okay.''

Frost was worried. He didn't like Nuffink's face, the viking seemed so low. Something must have happen, but what ? He followed him, casting a worried look at the others, who were looking just the same, excep for Igvid who was frowning.

Once both boys had left, the riders gathered around the brunette, circling her as if they were trying to embush her. Birdlegs was nervously poking her braid. Gorth crossed his arms with a deep frown. Sneezelout had his hands hanging along his body, as if he didn't know what to do with himself, looking with wide eyes at his sister. As to Zephyr, she was putting all her weight on a single leg, tilting her hips and putting her fists on it.

None of them talked, but their eyes, especially Zephyr's glare, spoke enough. After a long hesitation, Igvid sighed and thought it was better to tell them. She also explained that, if she had missed the previous day's training session, it was because she was following Selina.

The farther they were going from the Academy, the farther they were going in the woods, the thicker the air was getting around them. Nuffink hated it. He knew he had to stop and come to the subject. But he also knew it could only turn into a fight. He was fighting his own thoughts his own mind, and walking was just delaying the unavoidable.

He was so afraid he wanted to gain every second he could. But after a long silent walk, Frost stopped.

''What's wrong ?''

Nuffink would have rather continue de to walk, but the boy had stopped and was still holding his hand, preventing him for going any farther. He didn't have a choice. He slowly turned back to his boyfriend, already feeling dejected.

How was he supposed to start this conversation ? There wasn't any manual for this kind of situation. Should he just ask what happened with Selina ? Should they talk about something else first ? Should he say someone had seen them at the beach ?

He took a deep breath and hold it for a moment, trying to gather his bravery and bracing himself for whatever Frost could say back. When he finally looked up to meet his boyfriend's gaze, he could read it like an open book. Frost was worried, concerned… for him. He really cared about him, there was no doubt in it, so how could be… ? How could he cheat on him ? That couldn't be true, there had to be another explanation. Nuffink felt something snap inside of him, and he launched himself at the boy, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him as if he was about to loose him. Because that was how he felt, right now.

The sudden hug made the boy start, and he could feel his viking trembling around him, squeezing him desperately. It worried him even more, what could have possibly happen to him ? Something had definitively happened while he was out with Birdlegs, and he didn't dare to imagine how bad it was to put his viking in such a despair. Nuffink had never been like this, not even when he had recoiled that episode with Avock. It looked more like the time Frost had almost choked to death.

The merman hugged back, rubbing his viking's back in try to sooth him. He could feel his distress and knew Nuffink needed comfort but he didn't know why, and that made him feel helpless.

''What happened, Nuff ?''

That nickname reminded the viking of the first time they met. He remembered effortlessly the very first time his eyes had landed on the merman, the effect it had on him, the sincere worry of the beautiful creature that feared he was drying and choking on land.

Since the very beginning, Frost had cared for him. He had hang on him without hesitation, coming back to see him day after day even if he wasn't allowed to leave his home. He even followed him into the unknown, leaving behind everything he had ever known, to the extend of turning his body to human, giving up on his tail and fins.

If all of this wasn't proof enough to say how much the merman cared, what could ? Knowing this, Nuffink just couldn't see how Frost could cheat on him.

His heart tightened to the simple thought. How could Selina, a girl he barely knew, be more important to Frost than everything they had lived and shared ? Frost said that the viking had saved him from his isolation, and he had gave him this shell he called a charm. Frost had implied it was an important symbol in merfolk culture. He couldn't have given him this if it meant nothing. They also had shared a bed, Frost gave him his first time, and a couple more after that… How could he possibly cheat on him after all of that ?

The return of this rotting anguish and the memories of their bounds reminded the viking of how much himself cared for the boy, and how much he needed to clarify the situation so he could keep him by his side. Keeping his arms secure around his boyfriend, his blond head resting on the chilly shoulder, he made use of his face being hidden to finally ask the dreadful question.

''What happened with Selina, exactly ?''

He felt Frost tense, as if he had just hit a sensitive spot. That wasn't true, was it ? Nothing happened between them… right ?

''What do you mean ?'' Frost hesitated.

Suddenly, Nuffink was furious. He let go of his boyfriend and glared at him, hurt and angry all the same.

''Igvid said she saw you two take a midnight bath, this night !''

Frost hesitated. He wasn't sure what 'midnight bath' meant but it sounded like an expression, he doubted it would be wise to ask Nuffink for the meaning in his current mindset. It seemed bad, thought he couldn't really worry about it, because he focused on the 'Igvid saw you' part. She saw them ? She discovered they were merfolk ? How was she taking the new ? What did she thought about it ? He had not really paid much attention to her at the Academy, but he had noticed she seemed… angry, somehow. Well, more grumpy that usual. Maybe she was hating him now she knew what he was ? Was she afraid of him ?

He worried about it, and then he worried even more when he met his boyfriend's eyes. The viking was glaring at him, he looked resentful and hurt. Frost didn't know what 'midnight bath' meant, but visibly Nuffink was mad about it.

''Is it true ?'' Said viking asked, his voice dejected. ''Did you swim naked with her ?''

Suddenly realising what it implied, Frost's face flushed a deep crimson red. He suddenly realise what the expression might mean, and what Nuffink was thinking. Now he realised why his boyfriend seemed that hurt, no doubt it reminded him of Avock.

Frost would have lie saying Selina and him weren't naked, but merfolk didn't use to wear clothes, that meant nothing. There was nothing sexual. Panic flooded him and his voice started to shake as he tried to explain and reassure his boyfriend, too overwhelmed with embarrassment to actually speak steadily.

''W-What ? No ! That- That's not… !''

The end of his sentence was cut out an embarrassed grunt, he burried his face in his hands, feeling like there was a burning volcano inside of his head. Panic didn't let go of him, how was he supposed to explain this to Nuffink without betraying Selina's secret ?!

Though his spontaenous reaction actually helped to sooth the viking. Partially, that is. Nuffink sighed with relief, then gently grabbed his boyfriend's arms, mentally debatting between holding them firmly to get his attention, of stroke them to sooth himself. He decided on the first, earning him to meet his boyfriend's eyes. He dove into this crystal blue eyes he loved so dearly, but at the same time feared in this very moment.

''I thought you were avoiding her. You should have talk to me. How long have you been seeing her behind my back ?''

''That's not what it seems…'' Frost assured, his voice soft and sad. ''There's nothing between us, really. She's just a friend. I know you don't like her, but she understands me. More than most people.''

''… More than me ?''

Frost started, shock and shame slapping him in the face. He had not really anticipated how these words could have hurt his boyfriend. How come he didn't think about it ? He felt his viking tighten his grip on his arms, and saw him frown.

''I do my best, you know.'' Nuffink said, his voice sounded even more dejected. ''But I can't do miracles if you don't talk to me. You know you can tell me anything, don't you ?''

''I-I do.'' Frost hesitated.

His heart was beating fast and painfully, his eyes darting in both of his boyfriend's green ones. Anguish was slowly building inside of him as he could feel there was something else troubling Nuffink.

''Why didn't you tell me you were seeing her, then ?''

''I…''

The merman was about to answer, but he quickly shut his mouth, bitting his lower lip. He lowered his head and averted his eyes, unable to look the viking in the eye. He wanted to tell him, he really wanted to tell him everything, to assure him Selina was a friend with whom he was sharing the fact of being merfolk, but that would mean betray her secret. She didn't want people to know about her, and Frost could understand since he had not tell them either. Only Nuffink knew. He knew revealing Selina's secret to his viking would convince him and make him understand why they were meeting in secret, to swim freely in their true form without anyone to see it…. But he couldn't.

He couldn't betray her secret. Selina was a friend, he couldn't do this to her, even if he trusted his viking to keep it to himself. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears that were forming, he felt torn. And it got even worse when Nuffink talked again, his voice barely a whisper.

''Don't you trust me ?''

Frost didn't know why, but this accusation seemed to lash something inside of him. Suddenly, something snapped and unleashed a wave of anger he didn't even know he had within him. It seemed like he had accumulated it deep inside, and for a long time judging by how intense it was.

He felt hurt by Nuffink doubting his trust in him. Frost trusted him ! More than anyone else, more than even Baby Tooth herself ! He had shared with him everything he could share, starting from his conflicting relationship with his father and brothers, and his need to escape from the prison that they called home. He had followed him into the complete unknown, where a place he didn't know anything about, wasn't that proof enough ?!

''What about you ?'' He snapped. ''You're accusing me to cheat on you without even trying to understand !''

''You're not really helping !''

Nuffink didn't like how the conversation was turning, how they were rising their voice, but still he couldn't calm down. His heat was no longer pounding but hammering his chest, making it difficult to even breath, and his mind was just beaten the same way.

''Last time we talked about it, we agreed you wouldn't hang out with her and-''

''No. I said I'd be careful, not that I wouldn't talk to her at all.''

''But you know she's interested in you !''

''Same for Iguevid !'''

Nuffink froze hearing this. Where did Frost had got this idea ?

Granted, Igvid had confessed feelings for him two and a half years ago, but it was over, right ? They were just friends, now.

''What do you mean ?''

It was Frost's turn to look hurt.

''Do you think I don't see how she looks at you ? Or how she's upset everytime she sees us together ? I didn't say anything because I thought you already knew, and because she is your friend. It's not up to me to tell you who you should hang out with. I trusted you with her, and you'd rather believe her than me ?''

''I know her for longer than you, and she doesn't keep secrets from me !''

Frost didn't manage to reply anything at that. Because it was true. He wanted to shoot something back, but the pinch in his heart told him he didn't have the right to, because Nuffink was right. He wasn't being completely honest. He wanted to, but he had to protect his friend's secret. Even if it meant his relationship with Nuffink would falter. Somehow, he could understand why the viking was reacting like this, with so much anger and suspicion, that was because he had already lived that kind of situation et surely was afraid it would happen again.

He could understand, but that didn't mean the blond's accusations didn't hurt. But what hurt the most was the fact, even unconsciously, Nuffink was comparing him to Avock. The boiling anger inside of himself was always there, but now it was mixed with an equal among of pain. He coudl feel his eyes stinking, watering, tears would soon follow, but he didn't want to cry. Not in front of Nuffink. He didn't feel like he had the right to cry because he felt guilty. Plus the vikign was so angry he was surely going to think Frost was playing victim.

So the boy hold back his tears and put on a angry mask. He frowned, trying to look mad, not hurt, but his voice betrayed him.

''Everyone has secrets, Nuff. If you think I don't want to let you this one, you're mistaking. The thing is, it's not my secret, I don't have any right to share it with you.''

He breathed in and tried to calm down, not to avail.

''I thought you would understand, since you're keeping mine.''

He looked to the grass green eyes, in hopes the viking would understand and admit he was wrong, but anger was still there. He sighed and walked pass Nuffink, leaving without another word. Once he was sure the viking could only see his back, he let the tears finally escape and roll down his cheeks.

He left, heading back tot he village, leaving behind a really upset and hurt viking. Nuffink looked at him in complete silence, feeling even worst than before. He knew this would ended up badly, but he hadn't expecting it to get that bad. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Frost was supposed to reassure him, they were supposed to clarify this and make it through, not fight and go on their separate way.

The young viking bit his lip, holding back his own tears, but he ended bursting out, both from rage and pain, punching and hitting the nearest he could find.

Nuffink went back home very late. The nightsky was shining over the island for a couple hours. He fight the urge to sneak in by his bedroom's window – in try to avoid Frost – but he thought that, if he had the slighest chance to reconcile with Frost, he had to try. He slowly pushed the front door, eyes scaning the dark living-room before stepping in. Frost was there, laying in his craft-made bed, Ruffrunner laying against his back.

The Night Light lifted his head hearing the door, then Nuffink saw Frost pulling his fur blanket over his head. Despite the thick fur, the viking noticed he was shaking, as if he was crying. The sad look of the black and white dragon proved it right. He took a step and aimed to talk, but he stopped as Ruffrunner growled at him. Nuffink didn't insist, even if he felt his heart shatter.

So he went up in his bedroom and dropped on his bed. He didn't find the will to remove his armor, nor even greet his dragon friend. Pouncer was worried since he had not seen him since he had left the Academy to speak with Frost. Nuffink didn't care. He didn't care if his best friend was worried. He could only think about his fight with his boyfriend, the hollow in his chest, his guilt and anger. He ended up crying too.

If Frost could count on Ruffrunner to stay with him and try to comfort him, Nuffink could count on Pouncer to do just the same.