Chapter 22

My throat burns as I wake myself up from my sleep, the intense memory of it still imprinted in my mind. One would hope that waking up would calm you down, realising that it's not reality but the darkness of my room is all too alike that of the cell I was kept in. Instead of calming down, my breathing raises as though each breath brings nothing into my lungs but empty wind.

The dark walls of the cell that I call my bedroom start moving inwards, closing in on me. The covers of my sheet wrinkles under my fingers as I drag my legs up to my chest. There's no light, no breeze. Just air as still as a lifeless pond.

I sit there, waiting for the sound of his footsteps to pat against the stone outside the door or hear the sound of Castor's laboured breathing but the air is only filled with the sound of my own breathing and silence.

My heart is beating painfully against my chests, the type of beating where you are sure it's going to burst. I want to calm down, let myself fall back asleep but the room is still moving in on me. I can't stay here.

I shove the sheets of my legs, placing my feet in soft flat shoes and tie the brown cloak lying on my chair around my neck. I pull its sides to cover my arms and walk quickly out of this part of the castle. I'm not entirely confident about my destination, but my feet take me up to my old corridor.

The corridor is lit by the moonlight, wide and open. The opposite of my own. In the middle of that corridor, leaning against one of the windows is a man in their nightclothes. Their dark curls also lit by the moonlight.

My pace slows, stepping quietly towards the man. As I come only a few steps away, his head turns.

"Couldn't sleep either?" he asks softly. I shake my head, my hair bouncing off my cheeks. He opens his arms, "Come here."

I march into his arms, a soft sob escaping my lip as I do. His arms encase me, a hand tangling in my hair, cupping the back of my head under his chin. I hiccup, closing my eyes into his shirt. We sway for a few moments, the only sound now my slow and dying chokes.

A creaking sound is behind me, and I lift my head to see the source. The door to Esme's room opens, a plainly dressed head poking out. The blonde's hair is tangled, hanging loosely around her soft face. Her face drops from confusion into concern as she eyes us.

"Oh, my dear," she whispers, coming out of her door. "Are you ok?"

I go to leave Castor's arms, but they tighten; more for his own comfort than mine. So instead, I nod, giving an attempted smile for her.

"We're ok," I assure. She purses her lips, exhaling slowly.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you two, it must have been hard."

"It was…" I admit. "But we're ok. My room just reminds me a little too much of it, but I'll get over it. In time."

"We'll get you a new room," Castor states. "Something with a window."

Esme looks back at her room then to us, a warm smile spreading.

"You can have your old room back. I really don't mind where I stay," she offers. I shake my head. I don't want her to have to take my current chambers, they are not fit in any way for nobility. They are probably best fit for a slave in truth.

"No, it's okay. I just had a nightmare which didn't help. I'll be back to normal in a few days."

She takes a step closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. She looks at me like a mother would to her child and right now that's what I feel like. I hate this feeling. Helpless. But that's not Esme or Castor's fault.

"Please. It was your chambers before mine anyways, I don't mind where I sleep. You spend much more time in yours working and I barely spend any time in them. It only makes sense," she argues. I open my mouth to counter, feeling guilty but Castor cuts me off.

"El, I think it would be a good idea. You're not in the best state to be alone and this way Leon and I are right down the corridor."

I clench my jaw, blinking slowly, letting the pregnant pause play out as I decide.

"Alright," I agree finally. "Thank you, Esme."

Guilt pools inside me, but relief battles it, dominating and my heart begins to relax into a normal pattern again. For the first time since my travels and the hunting trip, I will be waking back up in a sunlit room.

"I'll go grab a few things then I'll head down to your room for the night. We can swap our things over in the morning." With that, she goes back inside her room and I wait both patiently and with guilt outside. She returns with a small pile of clothes and shoes on top. "Let's go get you your clothes for tomorrow morning then you can go back to bed."

Castor gives me one last squeeze then lets me go, moving back to look out the window. I promise him in my mind to be back to talk with him once I return. I follow Esmerelda back down to my chambers. My heart speeds up again the closer we get but the knowledge that I don't have to stay there comforts me more than I care to admit.

I pick out a simple dress, not bothering with shoes as I can wear the ones I'm in now. Everything else can wait until I move the rest of my things. Esme sits on my bed, swirling a hand along the mattress in content.

"I actually like it in here," she says. "It's…away from the rest of the castle. Away from his room."

I don't need to ask who 'he' is, and my mouth pulls back in understanding. I thank her once again, embracing her in a tight hold and go back up to my new/old chambers.

I scan up and down the hallway, but Castor is no longer in them. I fully intend to keep my promise though and place my clothes on the table inside the chambers and exit back into the empty corridor.

I take a moment, relaxing. I feel as though I'm in a movie, wandering down the hallways at night to escape a tragic destiny. Or I'm running off to my secret lover that my father – the king – forbade me to see. It's one of those moments where life feels surreal enough that you question its true reality.

But I end the moment, gliding over to Castor's door. I don't bother knocking (already knowing he is fully dressed) and quietly enter. I don't know is he hears me or not but he's sitting in his bed, facing the opposite wall towards his window.

I sit down next to him, waiting a few moments before speaking.

"Are you okay?" I question. It's almost as if our roles have reversed. Castor begins to nod, but it quickly morphs into a frantic shake of his head.

Sometimes I think Castor's childishness is just a show, but right now, his true innocence is blaring for the world to see. A man who was taken from his home as a boy and never had the chance to properly grow up. He was forced to change, adapt, and now that he's grown up, he draws on the lost childhood he had.

"I-I tried to go to sleep but all I could hear was screaming," he shudders. "I saw you in the water again, but he didn't let you go. I watched you…drown." A single tear drops down his cheek. I wrap my hands around his arm, resting the side of my head against it. "I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me. Not only are you one of my closest friends, but you're the only person – well besides Merlin now – that knows about me. And to have you trust me completely back…" He lets out a strangled laugh. "Before you came, I felt like a total stranger here. I knew I didn't belong, and I was so paranoid that people could tell I was different. But then here you came, prancing along with strange words and nobody thought too much about it and I realised that not only were you the same, but that's how people saw me as well. Maybe a tad strange, but I have friends. Leon wouldn't stop talking about you at first, but never once did he say anything about how you don't belong here or…or that something was off." I silently let him spill his inner thoughts, watching as his eyes dart between me and the window. "If you weren't here, I don't know how much longer I could've dealt with that paranoia, even after all these years. It just kept getting worse, as though my luck has been going for so long that it's bound to run out."

My mouth opens in shock, registering his words.

"I-I didn't know that's how you felt," I admit quietly. "You always seem so happy."

"I am now that you're here, but before; I was struggling. And then those dreams I just had they made me terrified that I might lose the one thing grounding me."

I struggle to swallow the build-up in my throat.

"You have no idea how important you are to me too," I say, a gentle smile gracing my lips. "When you told me that you came from my time, I felt like I could finally relax around someone completely. To be able to share something in common when I felt like the only person here – it was amazing. Sure, I have Merlin, but he doesn't understand. Not really. He doesn't know what it's like to be torn from everything you have ever known and thrown into a completely different world.

"If you, Leon, and Torj hadn't been to ones to save me, take me under their wing, I don't think I would've survived here. I probably would've said something stupid and be hung for witchcraft or something ridiculous. Every time I see you, you let me know that I'm not alone here. That I have someone to talk to about anything. Those nights we've spent sharing memories of movies – Nintendo! Those are the moments I treasure."

Another two tears escape Castor's eyes, but he laughs, wiping them away I know they're happy tears. Tears of relief.

"Look at us. Pouring our hearts out," he teases, nudging my shoulder lightly.

"I think we both needed it," I confess, laughing lightly with him. I cross my arms, hesitating but I feel the urge to ask. "Have you ever…tried to go back home?" Castor frowns at me but more in thought than out of confusion or anger.

"For a while," he begins, "when I was travelling just before I became a knight. I didn't just see the sights; I was looking for a sorcerer that could tell me anything about time travel. Nobody really knew anything, told me it was impossible. But one lady had said that she had seen it before, the High Priestesses of the old religion had performed a spell-like it many years ago. It brought a man from many years in the future back here," he waves his hand in dismissal. "She was crazy that woman though, didn't really believe anything she said."

High Priestesses? They are known to be powerful but that doesn't make sense to my situation.

"But it was a man that brought me here, so it couldn't have been a Priestess," I state.

"As I said – crazy woman," he shrugs. "And there wasn't even a person with me. Not that I saw anyway."

I think hard about it, trying to see a link or a reason. Well, both being Vessels provides a very good explanation since it would hardly be a coincidence. Somebody wanted us here. Somebody brought us here.

"Maybe they didn't bring us back in time," I explain. "What if somebody sent us back in time. Maybe you were searching for the wrong thing. That somebody from our own time was alive and magic still existed, and they found a reason for us to be sent here." He scrunches his nose, thinking about my proposition.

"That would make sense but how would they know?"

It's my turn to shrug.

"Well the Arthurian legend exists, and we're a part of it now. Ancient messages. Had their ancestors figure it out. Who knows? But they wanted us here for a reason and I think it's only a matter of time before it comes to find us," I warn.

"You think there's going to be some evil sorcerer's after us?"

"Well, we just had one kidnap us. But I don't think he knew. He wasn't powerful enough anyways. It would have to be someone important, someone that could leave a message that would survive long enough to reach our generation."

"So, someone that is a part of the legend," he concludes. "Make's sense. But I don't know the legend, and from what I do know, Merlin is supposed to be old and wise so it could be anybody."

"I know," I sigh. "Thinking is giving me a headache."

I rub my forehead to prove my point, even a yawn adding to it.

"Go to bed, I'll be fine now," Castor assures. I raise my eyebrow, pushing him to answer truthfully. "You're down the hall, if I need you, I won't hesitate," he promises which is enough for me. I stand up, kissing his forehead and let the man get some well-earned rest.

I sigh loudly as I flop onto my old bed, the familiar density making me feel like I'm in my own heaven. A soft cloud. I glance to the window, excited to wake up to sunl