A/N: Near the end.

Spy vs. Spy vs. Spy vs. Spy

Chapter Twenty-Two: A Wake

Ellie sobbed. Orion turned away from Sarah.

Beckman cleared her throat. "You need to stay calm, Sarah. You had a punctured lung, other internal damage." Sarah glanced down to realize a tube was in her chest. "You shouldn't get too worked up, but there's no other way to tell you this. Chuck's dead."

Sarah felt as if Shaw was squeezing her again. The visible world darkened, shrank. Everything around her seemed transparent, weightless, empty. "Chuck?" She managed a whisper.

"This morning, well before dawn, on the outskirts of the city...A condemned office building exploded. The explosion was incredibly powerful: we are still unsure what the explosive was. The explosion occurred underground, a distance. Above ground, it was more like the building imploded, collapsed in on itself. The NSA got a phone call shortly before, identifying the building, and claiming it was Ring headquarters. Preliminary work at the site seems to confirm the claim. We have no idea how many died. But this afternoon — it's now 5 pm, Sarah — a package arrived by courier, naming the Ring Elders, and claiming that several were dead in the explosion." Sarah lifted her head, her tears falling down her cheeks and onto her hospital gown. "After the explosion?" She felt a spark of hope.

Beckman frowned sympathetically. "But the package was sent before the explosion, Sarah. The note described what was about to happen as if it already had. The other Ring elders are in custody or will be shortly.

"We are certain Chuck died down there, Sarah. We haven't found his body but we will be digging up remains for weeks, maybe months. And we found this in the parking lot."

Beckman handed Sarah the governor. Ellie sobbed. Orion was staring out the window. Sarah took it and began to sob, each sob a racking pain. "I always suspected, Sarah. But then you came to DC, left...Well, sorry, no need to discuss water under the bridge. I am very sorry."

Sarah had her arms around herself. She hurt so bad, the pain coming from every angle, every dimension. The door opened. A nurse came in and gave Sarah more pain medicine. Beckman stepped back and Ellie stepped forward. "Mom made it, Sarah. They were able to revive her in the ambulance. She's in a coma but she is alive. Bryce did not make it. His injuries were too severe. Shaw beat him and beat him."

Sarah nodded but barely comprehended.

Shaw got his wish. Even if he did not do it, the spy world had taken everything from her. Chuck had smiled at her, told her he loved her when he thought she was unconscious, and he had sacrificed himself to stop the Ring.

He was dead. Chuck Bartowski, the man who loved Sarah Walker. The man Sarah Walker loved and failed — again and again. She had denied him, refused him, lied to him about her feelings, and been rendered helpless when he needed her most. She should be with him beneath the rubble of the Ring, not in a bed, a tube in her side, her ribs a misfit jigsaw puzzle, and her heart a gravestone.

Ellie took Sarah's hand. "I know, Sarah. I know. I'm sorry, so sorry about it all, the whole giant, fucked up mess."

Orion left the room with Beckman.

Ellie stayed and they sat, not talking, crying, then not crying, then crying. The afternoon shadows grew dark and long. Dinner came and Sarah could not eat. The nurse took it away untouched. Ellie fell asleep in the chair, but Sarah could not sleep. She stared straight ahead, seeing nothing, feeling everything. Everything for Chuck that she had ignored, pushed aside, misnamed, disavowed — it all came back, the length and breadth and height of her love for Chuck Bartowski, a love that stunned her as she leaned into it, discovered it riches and promises. Except that the object of that love, of so much love, more than she had guessed she was capable of, was dead.

Ellie left the room the next morning in search of coffee.

Sarah had not eaten any of her breakfast and she had not responded as her nurse washed her. She had put the governor on and the only thing she said to her nurse was "Don't" when the nurse started to take it off to wash Sarah's arm.

The nurse took the bathing things away and Sarah stared down at the watch, wondering why Chuck had taken it off. She wondered about so many things. The last weeks had been lit by a strange strobe light, now off, now on, darkness with brief moments of illumination. She had a sense of the larger pattern but so many of the details of Chuck's decisions and actions were a mystery.

Just as she had been to him. She had kept herself in a strobe light for two years, darkness and illumination. She had taken refuge in mystery and left Chuck to second-guesses, to wonderings, to doubts. Her past had been a Pandora's box out of which she could take a fresh horror or a fresh trial for Chuck whenever she needed to push him away. Her intentions and motivations had been opaque and she had worked to make them more opaque. He had known her, in a way, and not know her at all.

Chuck had surprised her. She had known him, it turned out, in a way, and she had not known him at all. She called him a hero one moment, 'just Chuck' the next. He was not and had never been just Chuck. Bryce knew that better than she had. She had underestimated even Chuck's heroism.

She left Chuck to languish in mystery when she left for DC. He left her to languish in mystery when he descended into that Ring hole. But he had at least let her know he loved her, though he did not know he had. And at least he descended knowing she loved him.

Sarah finally fell asleep against her will.

The door opened and Sarah woke, looked up. Chuck? It was Carina. Casey entered behind her.

Neither spoke. Carina gave Sarah a careful hug. Casey grunted softly.

Sarah felt fresh tears on her face. "Sorry, I forgot to call you back, Carina."

"You were busy, Sarah. We're...Casey and I...we can't tell you how sorry we are. He was...you were right about him."

Casey cleared his throat softly. "He was special. Sarah. The bravest man I ever knew. Really. Even before he…"

Sarah nodded, too overcome to speak. Casey took her hand and then he bent down and let her sob into his neck.

Ellie came in. She had coffee. And Devon. He had his arm around her.

A nurse brought in chairs from another room and everyone sat down. Team Bartowski, and Ellie and Devon. What was left of Team Bartowski.

They sat in silence, a wake.

The door opened again.

Orion.

He came in and whispered something to Ellie. Sarah heard Mary's name. Ellie nodded, brightened a bit, and Devon did too; he had heard. Orion walked to Sarah. "Mary woke up. She's still in delicate shape, touch and go, but I was able to talk to her."

Sarah was glad, genuinely, but, at that moment, only abstractly.

Frost. Frost's choices. She thought she knew me. She thought her choices would be my choices. She was wrong. I will do what Chuck wanted. I will quit. I will leave the spy life. I am done.

She looked at her wrist to take note of the time of her unofficial resignation.

The governor was gone.

A/N: Two chapters to go.