29 March 2019

Early the next morning, Theodore found himself dressed in jeans, plaid and his signature hoodie with his dirty sports sneakers peeking out from beneath the denim as he sheltered deep inside the bowels of the Umbrella Academy's pantry. He had repacked his rucksack last night, leaving a lot of the memorabilia pertaining to his life with Ma—Vanya he couldn't find in himself to burn, hidden nestled between the strings of the grand piano. Instead, the tweed pockets had been with at least five days worth of non-perishables (as instructed), a spare change of clothes, wallet, phone and a small first-aid kit. There was a mini sewing kit hidden in one of the pockets that he had never removed, the lock from his locker and a couple of gold-inlaid trinkets from his grandfather that he figured would fetch a good price at some point.

Theodore would have preferred to spend the rest of his time in the large house hidden away from his aunt and uncles, but alas, this was not to be. The sound of heavy footsteps approaching his hideaway echoed throughout the bunker kitchen and came to a stop in front of the mouth of the pantry, undoubtedly due to the rustling of plastic.

Knowing that it would likely be his last proper meal but still wanting to keep up appearances, Theodore plucked a random box of cereal—"Milo! Yes!"—from the back of the shelf and walked out to find Uncle Luther standing there. "Uncle?" Theodore puzzled, internally panicking as he fetched the milk and utensils for breakfast.

"Oh good, there you are" Uncle Luther murmured, "We need to talk; you, me and the others, so meet me in the living room"

"Okay…" Theodore replied, silently cursing his luck.

"Like now!"

"Alright! Alright! Jesus! I'm coming!"

"Yeah, well so is the Apocalypse" Uncle Luther ended before storming out the door and disappearing off somewhere else.

"…Come again?" Theodore blinked dumbly, not quite processing what he'd just said.

Seated cross-legged atop the bar in the living room, Theodore sat contentedly spooning chocolate-flavoured cereal into his mouth as he watched each of his extended family (sans Uncle Five) trickle into the room. Roving his gaze over each of them, he found only a few changes had been made over the last couple of days and he tried to imprint them into his mind before he left forever. Auntie Allison and Uncle Luther appeared to be the only two who remained unchanged in both posture and attitude, the most obvious differences appeared to lay in both Uncles Diego and Klaus.

Where Uncle Klaus—now pale & shaky—had worn more feminine clothes before; he now wore a rainbow-coloured tie-dye crop top that barely reached his belly button and a pair of leather-tight lace-up pants. Over top of that a green military-style vest covered his shoulders and framed an army tattoo engraved on his shoulder. Then there was Uncle Diego; his demeanour was much more withdrawn and less patronising than when he first met him, plus the sling encasing his left arm seemed to suggest some sort of physical altercation that hadn't ended well for him.

"Three days?" Auntie Allison repeated incredulously for the umpteenth time since they'd gathered in the living room for said family meeting, as Theodore turned down the volume on the news station blaring from the small box TV in front of him whilst Auntie handed out piping hot coffees to his uncles. He was still stuck on the fact that his birthday was the end of the world.

"That's what Five said" Uncle Luther replied, accepting the hot coffee as he perched precariously on one of the barstools.

"The old bastard did mention the Apocalypse, come to think of it" Uncle Klaus added as he took his coffee and curled up on the floor. "He just left out the part about how soon"

"Look, can we trust him?" Auntie questioned, leaning against the bar as Uncle Diego sat on the couch across from Uncle Klaus. "I mean, I dunno if you've noticed, but Five's a little cuckoo" She whistled, motioning how crazy she thought he was.

"Our little psycho!" Uncle Klaus cooed.

"He was pretty convincing" Uncle Luther cut in, "And if he wasn't trying to stop the Apocalypse from happening, those two lunatics wouldn't be chasing him"

"What two lunatics?" Theodore interjected around a spoonful of cereal as he tore his eyes away from the headlines streaming across the screen in front of him.

"The two masked intruders that shot up the house?" Uncle Klaus replied, though it sounded more like a question than an answer. "Y'know the ones that took me hostage? They were looking for Five"

"Masks? Like ones from a carnival or a kids' show?" Theodore scrunched his face up in confusion as a thought occurred to him. "Wait—You were taken hostage? When?"

"Doesn't matter" Uncle Diego spoke over Uncle Klaus as Uncle Luther replied.

"Yeah…" Uncle Luther drew out the word as he eyed his nephew. "Why?"

" 'Cause I saw a pink dog and blue bear—or was it chipmunk? I dunno" Theodore puzzled for a moment before shaking his head, "Anyway, they were at Meritech when it blew up"

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"How did they not see you? They didn't attack you, did they?" Came the chorused responses.

"Well, they were high as hell—" Theodore replied.

"—You're welcome!" Uncle Klaus sang half-heartedly, swaying to the side.

"—And talking to a poster on the wall, so…"

"Why didn't you tell the police?" Uncle Diego pursued.

"I did—I told that chick, uh, Eu—something"

"Eudora"

"Yeah, her—she didn't seem to believe me"

"Tch"

"Right" Auntie Allison turned to Uncle Luther as the others (particularly Uncle Diego) seemed to soak up the information provided by their nephew. "Luther, what did Five see?"

"Um…apparently, we all fought together against whoever was responsible…" Uncle Luther bumbled. "Okay! So! Here's the plan!" He jumped to his feet, pacing as he talked. "We got though Dad's—"

"—Wait! What?"

"Hold on!"

"Come again?"

"Wait a tic! Wait a tic! Wait a tic!" Uncle Klaus interjected, his voice cancelling out the others' confused comments as they all pinned Uncle Luther with a stare. "What actually happened the first time around?"

"Yeah" Uncle Diego added, "What are you not telling us? C'me on, big boy, spit it out"

"…Uh…wedied" Uncle Luther mumbled before gulping down a large mouthful of coffee that made him wince at the heat of it.

"What was that?" Auntie Allison called out, using a tone that Theodore was very much familiar with.

"Ahem! I said…we died" Uncle Luther repeated louder. The answer seemed to knock everyone cold as jaws clicked shut and eyes blew wide.

"…Like proper dead or just kinda dead?" Theodore asked hopefully as the others kinda just sat there.

"What's the difference?" Uncle Luther puzzled.

"I dunno…just…y'know" Theodore shrugged, unable to really translate what he was trying to say. Despite his poor choice of words, they seemed to get the ball rolling as a torrent of questions quickly flew from his aunt & uncles' mouths which they fired towards a floundering Uncle Luther. Theodore preferred to polish off the rest of the cereal box as his uncle drowned in questions, though he too, was curious.

"—No, we need to figure this out!" Uncle Diego remarked as they gathered around the countertop, talking over one another.

"Is it just us?" Auntie questioned.

"Yes—it's everybody" Uncle Luther replied, trying to answer everyone question at once.

"Like in the house?" Uncle Diego continued.

"No, outside the house"

"The whole planet?!" Auntie cried.

"Everyone died"

"Like everyone, everyone?"

"Moon's looking pretty good now isn't it?" Loren commented sarcastically as they continued to bicker.

Too bad we don't have a spaceship. Theodore replied sassily, turning his attention back to the TV.

"Look—!" Uncle Luther cut-in over everyone else, his loud voice taking on a leader-like tone as he commanded his band of family members. "We need to figure out what cause the Apocalypse. Now there are loads of possibilities: nuclear war, asteroids—but I'm thinking this is about the moon, right? Dad must've sent me up there for a reason, and I was giving him daily updates on the conditions, I sent field samples…" Theodore happened to spare a glance over to his uncles Klaus & Diego just in time to see the pair share an eye roll. Clearly the pair of them were just as sick and tired of hearing about the moon as he was. "So, I was thinking—"

"—Whoa! Hold the phone! Hold the phone!" Uncle Klaus mercifully interrupted before Uncle Luther could ramble on any longer. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around, remember?"

"Klaus shockingly has a point" Uncle Diego agreed, fiddling with a dagger behind the bar in front of him. "What gives us a win this time?"

"Five" Uncle Luther stated as if it were obvious. "Last time we didn't have him, but this time we're all together—we'll have the full force of the Hargreeves family. That's what we need"

"So where's Five now? Or Vanya for that matter?" Auntie Allison sighed.

"Uh…Five had a plan to change the timeline, so he'll be back soon" Uncle Luther replied.

"And Vanya?"

"She's 'honeymooning' with her boyfriend" Theodore replied, practically spitting out the sentence in disgust.

"She's married?!" Auntie turned on him incredulously.

"What? No!" Theodore turned his attention from the TV to his aunt. "They're just all mushy and stuff, like those couples in rom-coms"

"What's wrong with rom-coms?" She asked indignantly as Uncle Klaus watched on amusedly.

"Oh, don't get me started!" Theodore rolled his eyes. "They're all about this female protagonist who's either given up on love or looking for it—" He batted his eyelashes dramatically, "—And they somehow come across their 'soul mate' in some cringy meet-cute cliché, leading the protagonist to obsess over said person for the next hour. Before someone inevitably gets hurt, sick, moves or dies and they learn that their 'soul mates' have been there all along, as either the best friend, neighbour or ex and they live happily ever after. Blergh!"

"Well, I like those movies!" Uncle Luther piped up, no doubt aware that Auntie Allison got her start (as most women do) in rom-coms.

"Yeah, you would" Theodore scoffed, averting his eyes as he spooned more cereal into his mouth.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Well, I'm going after Hazel & Cha-Cha" Uncle Diego piped up, redirecting them back to the topic at hand as he wove around the bar and towards the door with determined steps.

"What? Right now?" Uncle Luther queried.

"Hell yeah—three days & I'm loosing light by the minute"

"Wait! Diego! Look, I know you wanna avenge your friend, but we gotta—"

"—She wasn't just some friend, Luther! If I'm gonna die, I need to know I killed those bastards first! Stop making it about you!" With that Uncle Diego spun on his heel and strode out the door.

"Which reminds me" Auntie Allison chose that segway to turn to her nephew still seated atop the bar as Uncle Luther grilled Uncle Klaus.

"Hm?" Theodore hummed around his spoon as he double-checked that his rucksack was still on the floor below him.

"Why aren't you at school?"

Instead of verbally answering, Theodore simply dragged the small TV around to face her and turned the volume up. "…As you can see behind me, massive damage has been done to Saint Gregory's Academy. Police suspect there is a link between the shootings at Griddy's Donuts & Gimble Brothers' Thrift Store that occurred earlier in the week…" Droned the primply-dressed reporter.

"Holy shit…" Auntie breathed, watching the small box in horrified awe as Theodore hopped down from the counter and slung his rucksack over his shoulder, intent on making it out of the building without complaint.

"Then where are you going?" Uncle Luther asked, apparently having turned to watch the destruction being broadcasted over their shoulders.

"Well, apparently my birthday's gonna go up in smoke, so I'd like to celebrate it before I die" Theodore lied, waving over his shoulder as he left. He couldn't scrub his uncle's disappointed expression from his mind, no matter how hard he tried.