24 LYANNA X

I woke up early today. Jon was still asleep. This was a precedent to wake before him. He always woke early after dawn. I used the opportunity to watch him without getting caught. His hair was falling to his forehead in a most alluring way. I don't know why he keep it knotted at the back all the time.

Despite myself, I was getting softer and softer to him with every passing day. He was gentle with me. Always respectful and he bear my bursts with noble serenity. It was part of his nature, I think. He was a quiet man with few words. He kept reassuring me the whole night after the humiliating incident with Lady Stark.

I still can't say I made my peace with marrying a Snow, but with time I could see I was lucky the king changed his mind and married me off to Jon instead of Ser Gendry. I shuddered at the prospect. Strangely enough, the man stopped bothering me for some times now. I don't know if Jon did something or it was a mere coincidence. I am grateful anyway.

It was obvious to everyone with eyes that the king's men were more of thugs than lords or knights or even honorable soldiers. Seven gods, It was a close call. I was saved by a whim of the king. Jon took good care of me despite his limited resources. I mean he tries his best although I knew he didn't love me and he still miss the Targaryen bitch. Yesterday he got me a nice grey cloak, the Stark colors but got no sigil on it. Still, it warmed me good.

It was the same as with himself, he was always dressed in this plain leather mail of the Starks with no sigil on it, like ordinary soldiers

I knew this was the first money he got from the king. Before he was in this unique situation, not a lord or an army leader who lived in Winterfell and the king pay for all their expenditure beside their special rewards neither he was a working smallfolk who can work and earn his living like Gendry who is currently working with the castle blacksmith or even as Larence who has a soldier wage.

When I asked him about how he got the money, he said the king observed the problem. Of course he did, Snow! I bet Jon had to beg for it or maybe fight. I don't know, his moods were changing with every passing day. Sometimes he was his same quiet self and sometimes you wouldn't dare to approach him. Anyway it was the lowest officer wage. Nothing to be happy or grateful about. But he seemed content though

I sometimes wished I would have married him when he was the king in the north. That wouldn't have been bad at all even with the bastard surname. Only my luck, if I only met him a month earlier. How long have we been married now? Good two months and he didn't try to sleep with me after our first night. He must think I am ugly with my short hair or maybe he didn't enjoy it with me or maybe it was his mistress!

I am not sure about this assumption but all logical thinking lead to this conclusion. His daily wanderings, his good mood since he started, his abstain from my body. It only made sense. Sometimes when I woke early and caught him before he leave the bed, I notice his standing manhood and gods I wish I am dead then and ironically he was as flustered as I am if not more. But he usually disappeared for a while and always returned without his problem. It must be her, Obella the dornish whore, who else? It seems I have my mother's luck but never her morals

Two months without a man and I am managing quite well. I will never lower myself to adultery even if he did. I usually can defeat any stirring inside me with a will of steel but it was getting more difficult now. Before I had it badly only few days after my moon bleeding, now it's all the time, wait what?

Oh Seven hells, could it be?

No, no, no, no. this can't be

Oh dear Gods

I pushed Jon harshly "Wake up Jon"

He jolted upward in confusion "What?What?"

"I am late. Shit, I am late"

He looked at me in confusion and a tinge of anger then went to sleep again mumbling something like "just let me sleep a little and I will get you your breakfast later"

Breakfast? What is he talking about?

"Wake up Jon, that's serious"

He glared at me "lya for god's sake, not in the morning, can't you wait at least till the sun rise and whine about your fucking breakfast as much as you want"

"I am increasing idiot, what breakfast are you talking about?"

He still didn't understand what I am saying but he realized there was no more sleep now and he looked at me in obvious annoyance. I tried another way "I am with child Jon!"

Now he looked puzzled and asked slowly "what child?"

I started to yell when he cut me "I got it, I got it" and asked incredulously "shit, really?"

He seemed hesitant to say something and avoided my eye. He kept opening and closing his mouth stupidly without saying anything then he just blurted it "Since when are you with child?"

I got furious and started throwing everything around me on him and calling him the worst names a baseborn wouldn't deign to say it

"What's wrong with you? It's just a question?" he said shielding his face

I yelled in indignation "a question with an obvious answer!"

"I meant no insult, forgive me but really? I only slept with you once for god's sake!"

He almost whined that it was unfair aloud. I looked away and crossed my arms in front of me but he asked stupidly again

"Are you sure?"

I looked at him angrily and he rapidly added "my lady" as if that will pacify me somehow

"hmmmmmmf, no I am not, I don't know these things. But I didn't have my moon bleeding since we married. That's usually it for most women"

Realization down on him and he sat miserably as he should. We stayed silent like in mourning for no short period of time then he said in low voice "congratulations"

I almost snorted but thought it doesn't befit the mother I should try to be. It was written on my face though and he said apologetically "I mean it, really. It's just ….just …the king don't have an heir yet and…."

He didn't have to continue, I understand. If we had a child before the king, it will only get us a step closer to our demise. We had hardship enough now in the castle. A child, a male child will be only considered a threat, our mistake and insult to the crown!

Let's pray for girls!

He seemed more miserable than I thought he would be. He almost looked on the verge of tears, his eyes glinting with unshed tears and head bowed down. It was so sad to watch. I felt guilty somehow despite doing nothing. I tried to cheer him up "don't despair, it might be a girl!"

He looked to me sadly "A girl, a boy, just another Snow, it won't make a difference" he sighed heavily

So that's what was bothering him!

I didn't knew what to say. The prospect was grim indeed and sour my mood as well

After a while he asked "you need a maester or septa to be sure?"

"Yes but we can't tell them, the king will know the next minute"

"You think we shouldn't tell? A pregnancy can't be hid"

"I know but we can give ourselves few moths mayhap the queen get pregnant or at least we sort it somehow"

He seemed to like the idea of delaying the inevitable, he thought for a while then said "I am leaving for the Gift in a couple of days. You could accompany me and Val can help you be sure and tell you what to do, she did it before"

I scoffed at the suggestion, a wildling midwife? Really, am I to be brought so low?

But on second thought I got no other safe option but the wildling midwife!

Despite my bleeding pride, I was in desperate need of womanly help and moreover, I couldn't wait for it

Those are going to be two long days