Throw Me to The Wolves & I Will Return Leading the Pack
Summary:Morgan, the newest member of SVU hasn't had much luck with men, but her new partner might just be the one for her, if only she could let Sonny Carisi know. Men come much easier to her friend Riley, who's maybe not prepared for the challenge that Peter Stone provides.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Law and Order SVU, Morgan and Riley however are all mine.
Chapter 26:
The package made her uneasy, sitting there on the kitchen counter just waiting to be opened. Audrey Prescott have never once sent her a package such as this, which only served to knot Morgan's stomach. She stared at it, wondering what it could be, but fearful of actually opening it.
It had to be something serious in order for the older woman to send her a package, right?
Blowing out a breath, Morgan stepped closer to it and grabbed the sides of it, giving it a gentle shake but not hearing much from inside. It wasn't a very big package, but it was big enough to catch her attention. If this was from Riley's mom, did she know about it? Did she have something to do with it?
Morgan ran her hands along the side of it and worked up the courage to just open it. She grabbed at the tape securing it shut and managed to get through it, ripping the flaps of the box open and peering inside at a small stuffed animal resting on top of a large book. When she moved the little stuffed dog, she read the title of the book and instantly broke out into a grin.
"A baby name book. Audrey you are a genius." Morgan lifted the stuffed dog completely out of the box and set it on the counter, smiling at the plain brown stuffie in appreciation. This was the first present the baby had gotten and it excited her to know that it was from Audrey.
The baby name book was heavier than Morgan was expecting but she hauled it out, leaving the box on the counter, and headed for the couch, flopping down onto it and letting out a contented sigh. She didn't get two pages in before Sonny came in through the front door, peeling off his suit jacket as he moved.
He shut the door behind him, throwing the lock across and wandering right for the bedroom without a word in her direction. She didn't really care, she was too busy running her finger along the page she had open, loving the fact that Audrey had sent her something so thoughtful.
A few minutes later Sonny emerged from the bedroom in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He headed right for her and sat down next to her, peering over at the book with a furrowed eyebrow.
"Am I supposed to be thinking of names already?" He asked and she turned her head to face him, beaming.
"Audrey sent this."
"Riley's mom? That Audrey?" Sonny pressed, Morgan jerking her thumb in the direction of the kitchen.
"She even sent a little stuffed dog for the baby…I mean I assume it's for the baby."
"You're a little old for stuffed animals." He teased setting his arm around her shoulders and letting her sidle up against him. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head and she turned her attention back to the book in her hands. "You get very far with names?"
Shaking her head no, she settled in against him and took her bottom lip in between her teeth in concentration. The name they eventually decided on would be stuck with their child forever, this was a big decision, huge actually, and Morgan didn't want to screw it up. She didn't want to pick a stupid name, or a name that would bite her kid in the ass while growing up, she wanted it to be perfect.
"Morgan Junior if it's a girl." Morgan said with a firm, confident nod of her head.
"Obviously." Sonny chuckled.
"Dominick Junior Junior?" She looked up at him with a confused expression. "Is that how that would work if we…if we wanted to do that?"
"I think it'd be more like Dominick the third."
Morgan snorted and immediately shook her head no, "I hope you weren't planning on naming the kid Dominick at all."
Sonny gave her shoulder a nudge with his knuckle, "nope, hadn't even crossed my mind."
Blowing out a sigh of relief, she tipped her head back and rested it against the couch, peering up at the ceiling and silently praying that she'd pick a good name. There were so many options, which was obvious by the sheer size and volume of the book in her possession, so it wasn't like she didn't have some choices, but she had to make the right choice.
"Are you hoping for a boy or girl?" Morgan asked, still looking upwards.
"Whatever Mo, so long as it's healthy and happy."
"Are we going to find out before?" She pressed, her head lulling sideways so she was looking at him more than the ceiling. "Or did you want it to be a surprise?"
He didn't answer right away, instead taking a minute to think hard about her question. There were pros and cons to both options, not knowing would be super exciting, but also, knowing would provide them with the ability to get ready before the baby came. They could pick out a colour and not one that was gender neutral, they could buy items for the baby that would suit one gender over the other and they could narrow down options for names by half.
"I think I want to find out, but if you want it to be a surprise, I can deal with that." Sonny answered as honestly and diplomatically as he could.
"I think I want to find out too." She smiled. "I want to put together either a boy's room or a girl's room, not some unknown room. It'd be more personal that way, you know? Plus I don't always do well with surprises."
Sonny let out a laugh and reached over, taking her hand in his. He slipped his fingers between hers and lifted it up, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. She let out a soft sigh and curled into the couch further, letting his body keep her warm and provide her with comfort she sought out more often than not lately.
"Can I run something by you?" Sonny questioned and she looked at him, eyes wide with intrigue. "There used to be this guy that I worked with and he uh, well he died, he was shot…"
Morgan twisted her body towards his and gave the hand holding hers a reassuring squeeze. She could sense that whatever he was going to ask her was obviously something that brought up some pretty awful memories. She hadn't heard of this guy in their past but then again, it wasn't like they talked all that much about their previous colleagues, hell, aside from running into her former partner at the gala, Sonny would have never even met Ben Cohen.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Morgan murmured and Sonny sucked in a breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out.
"Anyways, his name was Mike Dodds and I just thought that maybe if we happened to have a boy, we could name him Michael."
Michael. Well that seemed like a nice enough name- reasonably picked too. It was normal enough not to draw attention to a child but not overly simple as to not let her kid stand out a tiny bit.
"I like that." Morgan gave him a solemn nod. "Michael Carisi. Well there's one problem solved."
"One problem?"
"He'd still need a middle name." Morgan giggled. "Thank god we have a book full of possibilities though."
Sonny blew out another breath but seemed to relax now that he had gotten that off his chest. Pressing another kiss to the side of her head, he settled in and waited for her to start going through the book, the two of them able to look for a middle name for their boy, if that's what they were even having.
Morgan took Michael into consideration and scrunched up her nose at the thought currently running through her head.
"What's that look for?" Sonny quipped.
"I was just thinking…if it's a girl, do we name her Mikayla?" Morgan countered.
Sonny thought about her question and hesitantly shook his head no, "not this time. If we happen to have another girl though, we can consider it, but I think this baby needs two very different options for names."
Morgan smiled at him, understanding what he meant. She didn't want that to be the end of choosing the baby's first name, no, currently she still had a girl's name to pick out and nothing was going to stop her. There were so many choices for a girl, she didn't want to be stuck on Mikayla, not yet anyways.
Yes, if this baby was a girl, and so was the next one, then they'd definitely revisit Mikayla as a choice, but for now, Morgan wanted something completely different. With her luck, she'd have a girl the first time and name her Mikayla, then have a boy the second time and wind up naming him Michael.
How awkward.
"I feel like since you're Italian, our baby should have an Italian sounding middle name." Morgan suggested.
"Like Benito, Carlos, Arturo, Bruno-"
"Those are Italian?" Morgan cut him off with a worried look on her face.
"Yeah." Sonny said with a chuckle. "Rocco, Luca, Vito, Salvatore, Emilio-"
"Oh my god stop." Morgan cried out, shaking her head. "Those sound terrifying, like our kid could run a mob one day."
"Hey, if that's what he wants to do."
"No." Morgan continued shaking her head. "Don't you have any non-threatening Italian names tucked away?"
Sonny thought about it for a minute, "Anthony?"
"Anthony." She repeated it, letting it marinate for a second. "Michael Anthony Carisi."
"Has a solid ring to it."
Morgan repeated the name in her head a few times, each time she grew more and more used to it. It was a nice name, simple enough to not confuse people but fancy enough for her child to hold it as his moniker, if they happened to have a boy of course.
"I like it." Morgan approved. "What about girl names? You got any of those that sounds Italian?"
"Elena, Gabriella, Gianna, Antonella-"
"Nope." She broke in. "Hardy nope to all of those. If I don't want my son sounding like a mobster, I certainly don't want my daughter to sound like one either."
"We've got time to figure it out, hell, we might not even have to."
They could easily find out they were going to have a boy and then it wouldn't even matter what female name they came up with. In a few short weeks, they'd get to know what their first child would be, and Morgan was excited about it. She wasn't sure what she wanted to have but honestly, like Sonny had said earlier, it didn't matter so long as the baby was healthy and happy.
This had been a fairly productive conversation as far as Morgan was concerned. They were halfway to figuring out two opposite gender options, which was a lot further along than they had gotten in the last little while.
"Where are we going to put baby Carisi?" Morgan asked, blurting out the question. "It's not like this apartment has a spare bedroom or anything, we can't exactly have a nursery just sheeted off of the living room slash dining room area. We also can't have a baby in our room for much more than like a year."
"Well maybe you have a point." He cocked his head sideways.
"Plus this place is barely big enough for you and me, can you imagine throwing a baby into the mix?"
"I think the baby should have a room of its own."
"Right? I want to put together a nursey, I want to paint walls and put up wooden letters that spell out our kids name, I want…I don't know Sonny."
Sonny leaned towards her and pulled his phone out of the pocket on his jeans. He made quick work of unlocking the screen, pulling up something and then turning it to face her. Morgan studied the link on the screen that he showed her and she gaped at the sight of a list of houses, the book of names collapsing to the vacant seat on the couch beside her.
"I got the name of Stone's guy." Sonny stated casually.
"He just offered it to you?"
"I asked him if he recommended him, then when he said he did, I asked him for his number. I contacted him a week or so ago and he's pulling together some listings for us to visit next weekend." Sonny offered with a slight shrug. "That is, if you really want to move."
Morgan's eyes widened at his words and she leaned in closer to him, practically resting her forehead against his and staring into his eyes. God he was such a thinker, a problem solver, here he was one step ahead of her. She had barely even thought about where to put the baby until now, the sheer excitement of having a child of her own had taken precedent over most of her daily life.
"I want a house." Morgan murmured. "I want a house of our very own. With room for a nursery, oh and a second bedroom for the second kid we're going to have."
Sonny grinned at her and tipped his head, pecking her on the lips, agreeing with her on all fronts. She let out a soft moan at his kiss but he pulled away, freeing his hand from hers and resting his one palm against her hip, his other hand still holding his cell phone tightly. Having a house of their very own had been on his mind ever since she had announced to him that she was pregnant, but things had gotten hectic.
Now was a good time to look, and if they were lucky, they'd be able to get all moved into a house before the baby made his or her grand entrance into the world.
"Good, me too Mo, I want all of that with you. You okay to go next weekend to look at places?"
Morgan nodded her head once, "please, yes. I want a house- no I want a home, so bad, and I want it with you too."
"Perfect, then it's settled. We're going to buy a house."
She let out a contented sigh and made a move to kiss him again, but he dropped his phone to the couch cushion and set his other hand on her other hip. Before she knew what was happening, he was lifting her up off the couch, her legs wrapping all the way around him as he supported her, holding her against his front.
"Oh Sonny Bunny, where are you taking me?" She purred and nipped at his earlobe, eliciting a groan from him.
"To bed, we might not have this place for much longer." He grinned. "What do you say Mrs. Carisi, shall we start practicing for baby number two?"
"Hmm, yes please."
XxxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxxX
House hunting was turning out to be exhausting but Morgan was trying to keep herself enthused. So far they had seen two houses and neither one was the home for her. She didn't like the neighbourhood, nor did she like the layouts, the whole house on their second visit was something that gave her 'the skeevies'.
When she had announced that very thing, Sonny had merely rolled his eyes but carried on to the third property, hoping they were getting closer to finding something that Morgan liked, and that he agreed on. At this point in time, he'd settle for Morgan saying it was 'okay', at least then, he'd have somewhere to start on the next round of property visits because the way their day was going, Sonny figured he'd be having a few more days like today before they managed to find a place to live.
Peter's real estate guy was doing well though, he was patient with Morgan, not pushing her or making fun of some of the things she said about the houses, but it was clear, when the third house was a no-go just the like previous options, that he was growing tried too.
"How many more for today?" She whined, sitting in the back of the real estate agent's car as they headed to the fourth property on the list. Sonny pulled out a folded piece of paper and looked at the five listings there.
"Two more, the next one and one more." Sonny answered.
"Ugh, stupid Riley finding her house on the first day." Morgan grumbled. "She's got a damn horseshoe up her butt."
"Or maybe Stone knew what to look for in a house for her." Sonny offered up. "I believe she gave him a list."
"You never asked me for a list." Morgan spat at him and ran her palms across her lower abdomen. "If I knew that would've made this easier, then I would've come up with a huge, giant list."
Sonny bit back a reply, not wanting to get into an argument today. He knew Morgan was moody and most likely extremely tired, which would lead to her grumpiness, so he didn't want to push her. She was carrying his baby after all; he could let her be grumpy with him every once in a while.
"Today isn't a total failure." Brett spoke up from his place in the driver's seat. "At least now I know more of what you want."
"But I don't want to do this too many more times." Morgan whimpered. "My feet hurt."
"I will rub your feet for an hour tonight." Sonny offered and suddenly Morgan lit up like a Christmas tree. "Can you handle two more today?"
Morgan nodded her head furiously and when the car came to a stop in front of a lovely two-storey brick house a mere ten minutes from Sonny's mother's house, Morgan narrowed her eyes in on the place.
From the outside it looked like a great place to live. The driveway was large enough for two vehicles and it even had a garage. The front door had a small porch surrounded by wooden railings and a roof overtop. Well that would certainly be nice to sit out under in the warmer weather, plus the front yard was an immaculate sheet of grass.
"This place looks promising." Morgan nodded firmly.
Sonny was quick to jump out of the car and jog around to her side, opening the door for her and helping her out of the backseat. She came to stand next to him and stared at the front of the house, taking in the sight of the big bay window between the garage door and the front porch. Oh she definitely liked that, a bay window was something she always thought she might like for herself one day.
"Shall we head inside?" Brett quipped and led the way, pausing at the front door to unlock the place and open it, letting the two of them wander in ahead of him. Morgan stepped in the front and took in the sight of the fairly open concept floorplan of the main floor. The living room was large, it had a brick fireplace in the centre of the one wall and large, picturesque windows that looked out into the backyard.
The kitchen had a lovely counter along three walls with a table set up in the middle of it, the floor tiled with sturdy stone flooring that led into the hardwood of the living room floor. Beyond the kitchen was a small hallway that led to a tiny little bathroom and a stairwell.
"We have an unfinished basement in this house but it boasts lots of room for those handyman dreams." Brett explained. "The laundry room is down there as well as a rough in for a bathroom."
Morgan gave a nod of her head and took in the lovely inside of the main floor. She liked it so far, it was nice, it would be nice for their home. Hell, she wasn't going to admit it out loud, but she was actually sort of excited about the upstairs.
Wandering over to the sliding doors, she peered out at the backyard, which was just beyond a rather large deck that jutted out from the kitchen. There was enough room for a barbeque and an outdoor patio set, plus the backyard itself was huge. There was even a shed tucked away in the corner of the fenced in yard.
"Can you imagine our kids out there playing?" Morgan cooed, lifting her hand up and pressing it against the cool glass of the sliding doors. "Sonny, it's so nice."
"I like it so far." Sonny agreed and shot a look in Brett's direction. The realtor motioned for them to follow him and Sonny had to gingerly tug on Morgan's arm to get her to look away from the backyard. When she relented and followed him, she let out a soft sigh and prayed that the second storey was as nice as the main floor.
She was not disappointed. There were two fairly large bedrooms across from one another but Brett announced they were not the master bedroom. Did that mean the master bedroom was even bigger than these rooms? God, these rooms were bigger than the bedroom she shared with Sonny in the apartment.
When they meandered down the hallway further, Brett pointed out the main bathroom, which was lovely, and Morgan nodded her approval.
It was when they walked into the master bedroom that her eyes widened in sheer joy. There was a sliding door against one wall with a small balcony that overlooked the backyard, the glass doors letting in all kinds of sunlight.
The bedroom itself was huge, bigger than the previous two bedrooms for sure. There was even an en suite bathroom that Morgan loved upon first look. Okay, this house was worth the wait, it was everything she wanted, and then some. When she looked at Sonny, he was studying her carefully, trying to read her.
"There's not really a room for an office." Sonny pointed out and Morgan huffed at him.
"I don't need an office. And if you need one so badly, you can build it in the damn basement for all I care." She retorted. "Or you can just put a desk over in the corner because this bedroom is so big, it wouldn't even make a difference."
He tipped his head to the side and took her words to heart, considering the options that she had given him. Did he really need a home office?
At this point in his career, he generally tended to do most of his work in his office at work, even if that meant staying late. He didn't bring a lot of work home, so maybe a desk in the bedroom would suffice, or maybe he didn't need a desk that much at all. Maybe they could just throw one somewhere in the living room. Or, like Morgan had stated, he could always put an office in the basement if he wanted one bad enough.
"What do you think?" Brett questioned and Morgan practically jumped up in excitement.
"Sonny please?" Morgan begged and he looked at her for a split second before knowing that this place felt more like their home than the previous three did. It was a nice house, the location was great, the place itself was fairly new and clean and it had almost everything they wanted, except for the office Sonny still wasn't a hundred percent sure of.
"I think this is our house doll." Sonny countered.
"Really?" She smiled at him, her eyes watering up with what he hoped were tears of joy.
"Why not?" Sonny shrugged and looked over at Brett. "What do we have to do next?"
Morgan wandered around the bedroom, taking in each and every detail and planning out what she wanted for them in this very room. She gave a quick swipe at her eyes and managed to hold back the tears threatening to fall. She had so many ideas, so many thoughts, that she was starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. A house was a lot of work, and they'd have to move all their stuff from the apartment into it. oh god, she remembered the complications from the last moving day and fought off the urge to groan.
No, no she couldn't think like that, it would be fine, everything would be okay. They needed a bigger place for their family, so staying in the apartment wasn't an option, and this place was the best place she could imagine. It was perfect for what she wanted and she wanted it, she wanted it bad.
She looked out into the backyard and smiled wider. Yes, this was their house, this was where they were going to raise their family. This was going to belong to her and Sonny, just as soon as they could get their hands on it.
Sonny came up behind her and hugged her, peering out the same glass doors that she was. He pressed a kiss against the back of her head and felt her relax in his hold.
"This is a really nice place." Sonny whispered and she leaned back in his hold, letting her eyes fall shut as she took it all in. "It feels like a home to me."
Letting out a hum of contentment, Morgan merely left her eyes shut and tried to picture their child running around in the backyard. She could do it easily, and the two bedrooms at the top of the stairs would be great kids' rooms. She couldn't wait to get her hands on this place, she wanted to set up a nursery in one of the rooms, but that would happen once she found out the gender of her baby.
Yes, this was their house.
"You did good Sonny Bunny." She murmured and brought her hands up, resting them on top of his. "Sorry I was so bitchy earlier."
"Well I know you well enough to know that patience isn't one of your strong suits." He teased, his chin resting on the top of her head. "I'm glad you like this place so much."
Letting out another low hum, she opened her eyes and turned them both around to get another look at the bedroom that would hopefully belong to them soon. She loved the room, it was large, spacious, had enough room for a king-sized bed easily, plus the bathroom was a good size too, it had a combination bathtub/shower, which was fine by Morgan.
"I want to move in now." Morgan giggled.
"We have to see if they take our offer first." Sonny chuckled back.
"Ugh!"
"Be patient Mo, this is our house."
"And if there's other people after it, I'll just arrest them. I'm a cop, I can totally do that." She scoffed, clearly joking about her abilities.
"Don't stress Mo." He nuzzled his nose into her hair and she let out a soft breath. "Let me take care of this okay?"
Letting out a long breath, she settled into his hold and tried to let go of all the overwhelming feelings she was getting. This was going to be their home, it had to be, it was too perfect for them.
She just prayed that Sonny knew what he was doing because she wanted this place and she wanted it with him, so bad.
XxxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxxX
Riley was sort of nervous about meeting Morgan at the address that she had texted her. She didn't know what it was for but when she pulled up outside of a two-storey brick house, she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and shook her head.
What the hell was Morgan getting at? And why did she want to meet her here?
She waited in the car though as she had gotten their early, and she wasn't about to walk up to the front door of a random house without her friend by her side. She pulled out her phone and forwarded the address to Peter with a message that read 'just in case'. When he texted back with nothing more than a question mark, she considered calling him to explain but merely stated that she was meeting with Morgan.
That turned his attention away from the address. He sent her all the support she needed in the form of a thumb's up emoji followed by a 'call me after if you want'. She already wanted to call him but before she could seriously consider it, Morgan pulled up in Sonny's truck. Morgan climbed out first and Riley followed her actions, grabbing her purse and exiting her car.
She tucked her phone into the front pocket on her jeans and met Morgan at the walkway leading to the front door. Morgan immediately went in for a hug and Riley acquiesce, basking in the embrace that Morgan provided.
"Is this like a murder house or something?" Riley asked as the two of them separated, Morgan leading her to the front door.
"No." Morgan laughed and produced her own set of keys, fishing around on the ring for a specific one. When she located it, she popped it into the lock and twisted it, the door popping open as she pushed on the handle. "This is the Carisi residence."
Riley's eyes widened at Morgan's admission but her lips turned upwards into a smile, loving the idea of her friend finally have a house of her own. It wasn't all that far from their house, a little over fifteen minutes, which was nice for the two of them.
Morgan ushered Riley inside and shut the door behind them, leading Riley over to the only piece of furniture in the house, a leather looking couch in a deep chocolate brown that faced an elaborate brick fireplace. Morgan sat down first but Riley was too occupied looking around the first floor, even venturing far enough that she spotted the bathroom and the stairs.
"I'm going upstairs." Riley announced and Morgan was quick to her feet, rushing after her friend and meeting her at the top of the stairs where Riley had come to a stop.
She was looking in each of the bedrooms there, giving Morgan an approving nod before heading further down the hall, peering into the bathroom and then finally the master bedroom. Her eyes immediately fell on the balcony and she let out a squeal of excitement for her friend.
"We used Peter's guy." Morgan stated and Riley turned on her heels, leveling her with a playful glare.
"You didn't tell me you were looking at houses!" She accused but Morgan threw her hands up in surrender. "Mo, this is awesome! I love this place."
"I know right!" Morgan shrieked out of pure excitement. "Sonny and I figured we needed more room for when the baby comes and a house is a great place to raise a family."
Riley winced at her words but Morgan was too excited to notice. Fighting through the thought of having her own home without any kids to fill it, Riley wandered towards the door to the bathroom and peered inside, approving greatly of this place. It fit with Morgan and it would be a wonderful home for her and Sonny, as well as however many kids they ended up with.
"This is a really great place." Riley commented. "I was scared when I pulled into the driveway because I had no idea why you wanted to meet me here but I get it now. You got yourself a perfect home here Mo."
Beaming at her friend, Morgan wandered along behind her as she moved around the room, taking in the master bedroom. It didn't even really need new paint if Morgan didn't want to, which was definitely a plus, but she figured the two bedrooms near the top of the stairs would be painted, one would for sure because she'd turn it into a nursery and the current colour of beige was bland and boring, especially for a child.
"I actually have a question for you." Morgan prodded and Riley paused in her wandering to look back at Morgan, motioning with her hand for her to go on. "Okay, so I haven't talked to Sonny about this yet but I figured I should ask you first. We've picked out a name for the baby it's a boy, but we haven't gotten anywhere on a girl's name."
"You're going to tell me what this boy's name is, right?" Riley countered with a smirk.
"Michael Anthony." Morgan answered with a smile of her own.
"Oh that's cute!" She gushed.
"Right." Morgan paused and sucked in a big breath before letting it out. "For a girl though, I was hoping you'd be okay with me using Audrey as a middle name."
Riley's eyes bugged at the idea and she cocked her head sideways. Was she okay with Morgan using that as her child's middle name? She hadn't really thought about using it for her own child, if she ever managed to have one of her own, but did that mean she wanted Morgan giving her child her mother's name?
Worst case, she could also give her child Audrey as a middle name, but honestly, that hadn't even crossed Riley's mind. Slowly but surely, she nodded her head yes.
"I think that'd be okay with me." Riley said softly.
"Are you sure?"
Hesitating, she considered Morgan's question for a few more seconds. Yes, yes she was sure. Audrey was a great idea for a middle name, and Riley's mom would be honoured. Fighting off the urge to giggle at the reaction that Morgan's own mother would have, Riley bit the inside of her cheek and successfully held her laugh to an awkward snort.
"Ideas for the first name though?" Riley pressed, trying to get away from Audrey.
"Ry, are you sure you're okay with that? I don't even know if we're going to use it because Sonny has no idea, but I though I should ask you first-"
"It's fine." Riley nodded, and surprisingly, she was quite alright with Morgan's request. "Back to the first name thing? You got one?"
"No." Morgan shook her head, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I asked Sonny to list Italian names but they all sounded so…well they all sound like my future kids should run a mob or something."
Riley threw her head back and let out a loud bout of laughter. Hell even Sonny sounded like a mobster name but she hadn't really thought much about it until now. Morgan huffed at her friend's reaction and placed her hands on her hips. Morgan did not want her kids to have mafia style names, but she also hadn't gotten very far in the name book that Riley's mom had sent her.
"All I think of when you say Italian names are like Evangelina or Isabella, oh, that's sort of taken right, Sonny's sister?" Riley shot Morgan a look and Morgan rolled her eyes. Yes, Isabella was too close to Bella. "Okay so Evangelina."
"I don't think that's Italian."
"Sounds it to me." Riley shrugged and headed for the bedroom door, Morgan following along behind her. "You could call her Eva for short."
Morgan stopped dead in her tracks and when Riley no longer heard her friend's footsteps, she paused near the top of the stairs and turned to face Morgan, who's eyes were as wide as saucers. Leaning against the wall, Riley crossed her arms over her chest and watched Morgan, waiting for her to break free of her trance.
"Eva." Morgan whispered and Riley groaned. "No Ry, I like that, not Evangelina, just plain old Eva."
"Eva Audrey." Riley stated and Morgan broke out into a grin.
"Jesus I hope Sonny likes it…are you sure that's not too weird?"
"No, it'd be hilarious actually. Your mom would have a shit fit." Riley pointed out with a laugh and carried on, practically skipping down the stairs.
Morgan remained in the hallway, not moving just yet. Riley had a point, Jesus, why hadn't she thought of that before? She wanted to honour Audrey, the woman who had been like a mother to her, but she hadn't considered her actual mother in the equation. Fuck, how would Charlotte take that?
Okay, she was second guessing the middle name of Audrey now. She filed it away though because she needed to talk to Sonny about it before they made any solid decisions anyways. Shaking her head, Morgan forced herself to focus on the here and now. She was in her house with her friend, who had wanted to meet up with her for a reason.
Taking the stairs one at a time, Morgan managed to get herself to the main floor without incident and found Riley casually lounging on the couch in the middle of the room. She was quick to join her and shot her a smile as she sat down next to her.
"I'm giving my kid the middle name of Charlie, not Charlotte, Charlie." Riley laughed. "Jesus Mo, you're too entertaining."
"Oh my god." Morgan growled. "I didn't even think…good lord."
Riley let out a snort of amusement and crossed her arms over her chest, loving how easily Morgan had forgotten about her actual mother and all the things she had done for her as a child albeit not that much when she thought back on it. Morgan reached over and slapped Riley on the shoulder, effectively silencing her.
The two of them sat there in an awkward silence for a good five minutes before Morgan let out a sigh, breaking it. Riley turned her upper body sideways and face Morgan, letting her arms fall away from her chest, her palms resting on her thighs instead.
"I probably won't name my kid Charlie." Riley shook her head solemnly and Morgan studied Riley carefully.
"I mean you can, it's cute, it's probably not a good idea to give a kid a name out of spite."
"That's not…I didn't mean…look Mo, there's something I have to tell you." Riley breathed out the last few words, her voice so soft that Morgan barely heard her. Oh no, this wasn't good, the last time she had seen Riley like this, it hadn't been good, in fact, it easily could've been when Riley admitted that she was having a hard time with anxiety and she didn't know what to do.
Conversations following 'there's something I have to tell you' were rarely good. Morgan straightened up on the couch and mentally prepared herself for whatever Riley was going to say. She wanted it to be good but she figured, especially by the way Riley's shoulders slumped, that it was more than likely bad.
"Ry, what?" Morgan pressed and Riley lifted a hand up, pressing her palm against the centre of her chest. "Ry, I'm right here okay, whatever you have to tell me, it'll be fine."
Sucking in a jagged breath, Riley felt her eyes filling up with tears but she didn't want them to spill. She just wanted to get this off her chest, she wanted Morgan to know, but it was proving to be harder to get the words out than she originally thought.
"Okay so remember how I said Peter didn't want kids right now because he wanted to focus on his career?"
"Oh my god, is he breaking up with you?"
Riley's head jerked and she glared at Morgan, "what no!"
"Oh." Morgan leaned back ever so slightly but kept her eyes on Riley.
"Well I lied about that. He wants kids, in fact, we've been trying for a while now."
"That's great!" Morgan beamed but when Riley didn't smile back at her, she scrunched her nose up in confusion. "Ry, what…what's going on?"
"Around the time you got engaged, we stopped using protection. Nothing happened." Riley paused and took a second to compose herself, running an anxious hand through her hair before pressing her palm against her thigh, moving it back and forth over the denim material of her jeans. "After we moved into the house, we tried artificial insemination."
"What?" Morgan continued to stare at her friend, not entirely sure what she was trying to say. "Like a sperm donor?"
"Well Peter was my sperm donor but sure. Actually, we tried that twice and still nothing." Riley confessed. "He was really good about the whole thing because honestly, it was kind of awkward."
"And it didn't work?" Morgan quipped, Riley shaking her head no. "Okay, so…so what are you saying Ry?"
"I can't have kids." Riley managed to get the words out but as soon as they were out there, she began to cry, tears streaking down her cheeks. "I've known for a while."
"How long?" Morgan asked and reached a hand across, offering it to Riley, who took it without hesitation. "How long have you known?"
Riley didn't answer right away because she was scared to. She had known for years, which meant she had ample opportunities to tell Morgan the truth instead of hiding it from her. She hated herself for it, but she was embarrassed, ashamed by it. It wasn't until Peter had come along that she had started to feel okay with the fact that she couldn't have kids.
"College."
Morgan tensed but she didn't pull her hand away, "wow Ry."
Riley winced but Morgan merely gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Peter and I even tried in vitro but it didn't work. The thing that really bothers me is that I don't have a definitive answer as to why." Riley whimpered. "Sorry."
Morgan cocked her head sideways, "what do you have to be sorry for?"
"Not telling you." Riley remarked.
Shaking her head, Morgan ran her fingers over Riley's knuckles in a soothing manner, trying to provide her friend with any bit of comfort that she could. She hated that Riley couldn't have kids, she hated even more that she hadn't shared that secret with her. Morgan could've been there for her, she could've been a person she could've talked to about it, or a person that could've tried to help her.
"It sucks that you didn't tell me but you don't have to be sorry." Morgan said softly. "It was your secret to tell, I just…I don't know Ry, I wish you felt comfortable enough to tell me earlier but I'm not mad."
Without saying a word, Riley nodded her head, knowing that every word Morgan said was genuine. She hated that she hadn't told her until now, but honestly, she hadn't felt very confident, she hadn't wanted to put it out there for anyone to know, except her mother, and more recently Peter, but even her telling him hadn't been planned.
"So kids in my future are not looking very likely." Riley admitted. "Not for lack of trying."
"What about surrogacy?" Morgan questioned.
"I don't think my eggs are very good."
"Adoption? There's lot of kids out there who need parents, what about them?"
Riley pressed her lips together, "yeah I don't know Mo, things are sort of in limbo right now. I'm trying to focus on my wedding and not on the fact that after all this time I'm not pregnant, nor have I ever been pregnant."
Morgan gave her an encouraging nod of her head, "that's a good idea."
Leaning in, Morgan immediately enveloped Riley into a hug and simply held her as she cried more and more tears. God she wished she had known, there were so many times where she had made comments about having kids that she regretted now, but it wasn't like Riley had told her. It didn't matter, it was in the past and she couldn't change it, all she could do was comfort Riley and help her move forward.
"I should've told you sooner." Riley winced but Morgan didn't let go of her.
"No, no it's okay."
"I just…I tried, so many times, but it didn't feel like the right time, then you said you were pregnant and I didn't want to take anything away from you."
"Ry, it's all good." Morgan soothed, running her hands up and down Riley's back, simply holding her in an attempt to comfort her. "You just told me and that's good enough for me."
"Yeah." Riley sighed and reluctantly pulled away from Morgan, but Morgan kept hold of her hand. "I love you Mo, you're my best friend."
Morgan smiled at her, "you're my best friend too, so much so that I might have to use Riley as a middle name instead of Audrey."
Riley blinked at her pal but after a few seconds, she let out a single bark of laughter. What else could she do?
XxxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxxX
Morgan wandered into her apartment after spending another hour talking to Riley while sitting on the couch in their new house. She was floored by the fact that Riley had kept something like that a secret since college but Morgan wasn't mad about it, no, if anything, she was perplexed, and maybe even a little confused. Was it really that easy to keep from Morgan? Would there not have been some sort of a sign here or there that she had simply missed?
Had she given Riley the idea that she wouldn't have supported her or was it as simple as the explanations that Riley had offered? Honestly Morgan couldn't imagine harbouring something like that but then again, Riley wasn't her and it was apparent that she was really good at keeping secrets, except, of course, from Peter Stone.
Sonny was quick to meet Morgan at the apartment door and pull her out of her thoughts with a hug and quick kiss on the lips, immediately sensing that there was something on Morgan's mind. He left her there without daring to push and prod before he went back to the stove, working away on the dinner he had been planning since she had walked out of the house with the promise of showing their new place to her best friend.
"Did Riley like our new place?" Sonny asked, trying to start off easy before pressing Morgan for answers to whatever seemed to be bothering her. She'd tell him in time, hopefully, but even if she didn't, maybe it wasn't about him and Morgan, maybe it was about Riley.
"Yeah, she loved it." Morgan replied quickly and flipped her shoes off before meandering into the kitchen, finding herself a lovely spot against the counter to lean on. She brought her arms up and crossed them over her chest. "She was shocked because we hadn't mentioned wanting to get a bigger place, let alone a house, so imagine how surprised she was when I told her that we had already bought the place."
"I bet." Sonny chuckled and paused in his slicing of the vegetables for whatever it was he was making. Morgan wasn't feeling all that focused and she didn't really care what they had for dinner so long as she didn't have to cook it, especially after the emotional roller coaster she had just been on. "But she's happy for you? For us?"
"Oh yes." Morgan threw him a quick smile and she tried to figure out if she should tell Sonny what Riley had told her. She felt like she needed someone to talk to about it but she didn't know if Riley would appreciate her talking to Sonny. If she had been in Riley's position, she wouldn't have wanted anymore people to know than she had already told, then again, Morgan felt the urge to discuss what she knew. Hell, it was very possible that maybe Riley didn't want anyone to know ever but surely Sonny would eventually find out, right?
He was part of their group of friends, he was close to Peter, if he didn't know soon, he'd find out eventually right? Even if 'eventually' was a good five years down the road and Riley still didn't have kids of her own, surely Sonny would be able to put two and two together?
Sonny stopped completely in what he was doing and turned to look at her, giving her a once over before locking his eyes on her face. She was lost in thought and he wondered where her head was at?
"Mo, you good?" He pressed but her response came in the form of a loud sigh. "Mo, you can talk to me here, that's what husbands are for you know?"
"Riley laid some heavy shit on me today."
"Oh?"
"And I'm just…I'm trying to process it, you know?" Morgan continued. "She uh, well, I guess I'm going to tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone else, okay? It's pretty big news and it took a lot for her to tell even me, so you can't just go blabbing to anyone."
Sonny lifted his right hand up and made a crossing motion over his heart, "I swear."
"She can't have kids." Morgan blurted the words out and Sonny stared at her, not entirely reacting the way she was expecting him too.
In all fairness, Riley was her best friend and Sonny was just a friend, maybe he didn't feel as emotionally invested in her life as Morgan did. Surely this news was big though, and it warranted more of a reaction than him just staring at her, didn't it? Morgan turned to face him directly and she cocked her head sideways, waiting for it to sink in, yeah, that was it, it just hadn't sunk in yet. Maybe he just needed a few seconds to process what she was really, truly saying.
"She told you that?"
"Yes." Morgan hissed and threw her hands up into the air, frustrated at his total lack of reaction. What was wrong with him? Unless…was there some way that he knew already? Was he aware of her best friend's inability to have children before she was? Did he know? "Did she tell you?"
Sonny inhaled deeply and turned his attention to the half-chopped veggies, staring at them for a good twenty seconds before looking back to Morgan, whose eyes were narrowed and accusing. He raised his hands in surrender and sighed, knowing that he had to give her the real reason why he knew about Riley before she did.
"No, Stone did." Sonny confessed. "He needed someone to talk to-"
"About what?" Morgan broke in, her eyes narrowing to slits.
"His sperm, shit." Sonny groaned, wondering how far Morgan would push it. The whole conversation between him and Peter had been awkward at best and he wasn't all that excited to have to think back on it. "He and Riley were going to try some more clinical methods and he needed to talk to someone about his reservations about handing over his sperm at the time. I was his sounding board, it's not like I asked for him to tell me, in fact, it was weird."
Morgan merely looked at him, not entirely sure how she felt. On one hand, it was nice that Peter had a friend in Sonny, a good enough friend that he could confide in him and talk about things that apparently even Morgan hadn't known about at the time. On the other hand, she didn't like that he knew something about Riley before she did, no matter where he found it out from. Riley was her friend, her best friend, and yet somehow Sonny knew before she did- that wasn't right, not in her mind.
Then there was the fact that Riley had told Peter about it before her too, and maybe Morgan would give her that one, opinions on kids were pretty important in a relationship but it still hurt. She had thought her and Riley were like sisters, and yeah, she got that it was something Riley didn't exactly want to talk about but it felt like she was the last person to know, which, apparently, she was, at least when it came to their group.
"So she's really been trying." Morgan murmured, more to herself than him. She sucked in a breath and wondered how hard this really was for Riley, especially when it had come so easily for her.
Her and Sonny had decided to try and get pregnant on their honeymoon and low and behold, it had pretty much worked. Meanwhile Riley had been trying since her and Sonny had gotten engaged, and that was quite a while ago. Her poor friend had been trying and not succeeding in getting pregnant for months and yet, on their first try, Morgan and Sonny had managed to do what she couldn't.
"You think she'd lie to you about that?" Sonny looked at her. "You want proof? Stone's been off more than one afternoon to go with her to try all that clinical stuff. You can ask him how uncomfortable the idea of handing over his sperm was-"
"No I don't need proof." Morgan scoffed. "I just, I don't know, I guess I didn't want to believe it."
"Well believe it." Sonny offered up and went back to cutting up vegetables. Morgan pushed herself away from the counter and paced the kitchen, trying to figure out what she was really thinking.
She honestly had believed everything Riley had said but hearing someone else confirm it all really drove it home. Riley really couldn't have kids, it wasn't happening for her, it hadn't happened in all the time she had been trying, so what did that honestly mean for her best friend?
Stopping in her tracks, Morgan threw her hands up into the air and let out a growl, frustrated at the whole world. Riley deserved to be a mother, she'd be a great one, and yet the universe wasn't allowing that to happen. What had the poor girl done to deserve such a punishment?
"I could give her our baby." Morgan said but she wasn't actually being serious. Sonny laughed at her and shook his head, not bothering to dignify her comment with a response. "Oh hey, we could get her a puppy."
"Not the same as a baby." Sonny pointed out.
Morgan let out a sigh, "I know."
A blanket of silence fell over them and Morgan moved back to her place against the cupboards, except this time she hauled herself up and sat on the countertop, her fingers hooked on the edge of the counter as she swung her legs out in front of her. Sonny set his knife down and moved to stand between her legs, resting his hands on her hips and leaning forward, kissing her softly on the lips.
"Don't worry so much about Riley, she's strong, she'll be fine." Sonny murmured.
"I can't just not worry about her. I've been worrying about her for years, I can't just stop because you say so." Morgan argued. "She's my best friend Sonny."
"Then have faith that she'll be fine." Sonny remarked. "She's got Stone now, he'll take care of her."
Morgan grumbled and moved her palms up to rest on his shoulders, "why do you have to be so logical?"
Smirking at her, he kissed her on the lips once again and made a move to pull away, but she hooked her hands together at the back of his neck and held him in front of her. He held her gaze and she smiled softly at him, thanking the heavens above that she had him in her life. He was great for her, he was supportive, smart, logical and he genuinely loved her.
This was the guy for her, and she was so happy that they were going to have a family of their own soon.
"I was thinking about girl names." Morgan said, changing the subject as Sonny's hands moved back and forth on her hips. "Eva Audrey."
Sonny gave a nod of his head as he tossed the name around in his head. It sounded great, elegant and classy yet not too snooty, not like Charlotte. It even had a bit of an Italian sound to it without being the name of a female mobster. Yes, Sonny liked that name.
"Not Eva Charlotte." He teased, Morgan immediately throwing her head back with a groan. "What?"
"Riley joked about that too. I feel bad, sort of, because- well honestly, if you were my mom, wouldn't you be a little insulted that I named my kid after someone else's mom?" Morgan posed.
"You really care what your mother would think?" He countered.
She thought about it for a few seconds and shrugged her shoulders, "it's not that I care about what she'd think, it's more that I don't want to cause shit with my family."
He scoffed at her and shook his head, "screw 'em, if that's what you want then we'll do it, I'll take the blame, I don't care."
She hesitated but found that her lips were curling up into a smile. Oh yes, this was the Sonny she liked, the Sonny that took charge and was confident in his words. She loved him, she loved everything about it, but this Sonny was her favourite.
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers, feeling her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck. If that was what Morgan wanted, then that's what they'd do. It didn't matter to him if his mother liked it or not, he'd fight that battle for her, and he knew Riley would certainly be a part of his army. Eva Audrey had a nicer ring to it than Eva Charlotte anyways.
"Eva Audrey for a girl then." Morgan smiled.
"And Michael Anthony for a boy."
"Oooh I'm so excited. I can't wait to find out what we're having." Morgan whispered.
"Soon doll."
Soon couldn't happen soon enough.