Hello again!
Time for another update! Hope you all enjoy.

These characters are not mine, I am just playing around with them. Enjoy!

After spending the previous night recharging on one of the horribly stiff berths in the medbay, a night back in his own berth was much needed for Soundwave. When he onlined his optics that morning, Soundwave was pleased to find himself surrounded by his sleeping cassettes. The telepath had fallen asleep on his side, rumble and Frenzy curled up against the front of his frame. Most carriers found that their creations preferred to sleep against their chestplates. In that spot, creations could listen to their carrier's spark; it was known to have soothing effects on most younglings. Ravage had claimed the nook at the back of Soundwave's bent knees. The cybercat was curled up around Ratbat, who had a very hard time recharging without Soundwave's or Ravage's presence. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw had nested in the berthsheets against Soundwave's dorsa. It was nice for Soundwave to be back in his own berth, even nicer to have his creations there as well.

The telepath let out a soft breath and turned his helm into the pillows. He had mustered up the courage to crack his window open the night before. Ever since his talk with Reflector, he hadn't sensed the mechs' presence watching him. However, he still felt a certain amount of hesitance about leaving his window open overnight. Either way, waking up to the fresh morning breeze was definitely worth it.

Considering that he had orders to rest, Soundwave felt pretty good. There wasn't too much pain or stiffness in his frame. For a moment, the blue mech wondered if he could disregard Ratchet's orders to do a few tasks. Slowly, to not disrupt his cassettes, Soundwave stretched his legs out under the sheets. He wiggled his arms free from under the sheets and stretched them up languidly above his helm. Thoroughly enjoying his hazy morning, Soundwave stretched out his dorsa as well. Then immediately regretted it.

Ah, there was the soreness from his recent injury. Soundwave stifled a pained groan as he eased back down out of the stretch. So much for being productive today. Now that he had done his job to agitate the area, the pain radiated from his chestplates up across his shoulders and all the way down to his torso. Primus, Ratchet always knew.

With a huff, Soundwave attempted to soothe the pain by sitting up. In his recovering state, he found it hard to move smoothly. As a result, he jostled his cassettes awake as he moved.

Rumble and Frenzy stretched and directed their tired optics on Soundwave. Ravage puffed a breath before closing his optics again. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw, thoroughly agitated from the rough awakening, squawked in displeasure until all 6 of the cassettes were wide awake.

"Aw shut your trap!" Frenzy hollered at the condor twins from across Soundwave's frame.

"Make me!" Buzzsaw goaded his brother on.

"Watch it! I just might!" Rumble elected to join in on the disarray.

"Shut up" Ravage suggested.

Ratbat ignored his older siblings' excitement to glide over to Soundwave instead. The telepath held out a cupped servo to catch the sparkling, then gently tucked the small bat against the crook of his neck. Ratbat churred and nuzzled his creator in his usual friendly mood.

"Boss!" Frenzy whined, "can you tell Buzz-brains to stop being so-". The twin's voice trailed off when he noticed how his carrier's faceplates were pinched with pain. "Boss… you don't look so good".

The other five cassettes turned their attention to the telepath in question. Soundwave sighed heavily. "I am alright, just sore" Soundwave murmured; he brushed a gentle servo against Ratbat's concerned faceplates. "Shall we get up? I believe you all have duties to attend to this morning".

Suddenly in very good behaviour, the cassettes nodded and quietly climbed off of the berth. Soundwave let out a breath of relief and fondly shook his helm. He loosened his grip on Ratbat to let his youngest creation follow after the others.

With a wince on his faceplates, Soundwave swung his peds over the edge of his berth. Slowly, working hard to repress a groan, Soundwave forced himself up to his peds. Alright… it wasn't too bad. He was up. It's not like he was collapsing or anything. Ratchet had sent him off with a few pain repressing tablets. He would have to remember to dissolve one or two in his morning energon ration. Using a servo to brace himself on the walls, Soundwave shakily emerged from his berthroom.

Somehow, without being able to remember any it, Soundwave had guided his creations to the wash racks, helped Ratbat clean the more delicate parts of his wings, helped dry off his younger creations (any leftover moisture could result in rust, so one had to be thorough), and settled his creations at the table for rations. Before he could make it over to the energon dispenser to retrieve rations for his creations, Blaster appeared in his path.

"What are you doing?" Blaster asked. The orange mech had his usual friendly demeanour in place, however, his servos rested on his hips and his voice carried a bit more agitation than usual. Soundwave froze in place and blinked at his roommate… he hadn't even noticed when Blaster entered the room. Was he really that out of it?

"I…" Soundwave started, "I am getting fuel for my creations". He couldn't help but feel like he was being scolded. Blaster shook his helm and clucked his glossa.

"I don't think so, 'Wave. You oughta get back to rest and off your peds," he pressed a gentle servo between Soundwave's shoulder blades and directed the blue mech to the couch. "You only just got home last night, you really shouldn't be up and taking care of everyone else, okay?".

Soundwave nodded numbly and allowed Blaster to direct him to sit. He couldn't miss the giggled behind him from his cassettes. He glanced over his shoulder at them, they were watching with much interest. The blue mech felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him.

"Boss is being bossed around" Rumble giggled softly to his twin. Frenzy gave a giddy snicker. Soundwave's faceplates darkened pink.

Nevertheless, it felt so much better to be off his peds again. Soundwave let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in the entire morning as he sat down. Blaster disappeared for a moment as Soundwave attempted to find a more comfortable position, then returned again with a cube of medical grade energon in his servo. He offered it out to Soundwave, who took it with a soft thanks. After a moment of staring at the energon, Soundwave rummaged in his subspace to retrieve the pain blockers Ratchet had supplied him with. He dropped one tablet in and watched it fizz up and melt into the energon. After a moment of contemplation, Soundwave added another tablet.

Medicated low grade energon was never the most pleasant thing to drink. However, Soundwave found it easy enough to get down while he watched Blaster help all of their collective creations get ready. The orange mech doled out morning energon servings, cleaned up after the cassettes, helped a few of his own in the washracks, and reviewed their duties, training, and chores for the day with them. Blaster's demeanour never dipped below his fun and sunny attitude, which made all the cassettes very energetic and happy.

Soundwave smiled over the rim of his cube. It felt like he was watching a private family moment. He didn't usually appreciate these little things, but it was hard not to when he wasn't so busy doing it all.

When it was time for them to go out to their duties, the cassettes all came to say goodbye to Soundwave. Rumble, Frenzy, and Ratbat jumped up on the couch to kiss their carrier on the cheek before leaving. Eject and Rewind opted to give Soundwave a hug (much to the telepath's surprise and joy). He couldn't help but notice the soft expression on Blaster's faceplates as the orange boombox's creations treated him almost like a co-creator. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw landed on the telepath's shoulders and nuzzled him briefly before swooping out the door; lastly, Ravage, Steeljaw, and Ramhorn paused for a moment to each let Soundwave scratch under their chins. Soundwave watched in bewilderment as the last of the cassettes left their quarters. He hadn't realized just how close everyone had gotten since the beginning of his living here.

Soundwave finally turned his optics to look up at Blaster. The orange mech smiled over his cube at Soundwave before tipping it back and polishing it off.

In a comfortable silence, Soundwave watched as Blaster finished getting ready before gathering up a few datapads and placing them at the table next to the door. Due to Soundwave's orders to recover, Blaster had to work for the both of them. Luckily, it wasn't too bad for the orange mech. He was really only working the same amount as he was before Soundwave came to the Ark, so it was no big deal in the orange mech's mind. That didn't stop Soundwave from feeling a pinch of guilt over it.

Without breaking the comfortable silence, Blaster walked around the room retrieving things for his roommate. Soundwave gave surprised thanks as Blaster brought him a blanket, the remote for the television, datapads filled with archived books and music, and a cube of medical grade energon for later.

"Blaster" Soundwave said, his voice betrayed how overwhelmed he was at the treatment "You don't have to do all of this for me".

Blaster smiled at him cheerily and shrugged, "well you gotta rest, like old Hatchet said. May as well get you comfy, right?".

"Thank you" Soundwave whispered earnestly as he folded the blanket over his lap. He watched at Blaster gave him a smile and shook his helm.

It still felt so surreal to accept this level of care from someone. Soundwave couldn't help but feel that lingering sensation of vulnerability and warmth. It was unfamiliar, even overwhelming, but very pleasant as well.

Things between the two communications specialists felt normal… as normal as they could feel. Soundwave silently watched Blaster as the other mech glanced over his schedule for that day. It was hard to ignore the fact that Blaster had just confessed his love to Soundwave the day before… and was quietly rejected. As typical as things felt between them, there was a weight sitting on their every interaction. Soundwave couldn't quite put a finger on what it was. Certainly, on his own end, he felt plenty of guilt for turning down his best friend. There was definitely also some worry for Blaster's feelings. It wasn't easy to be rejected, especially when the emotions ran so deep. Not the mention the pain that unrequited love brought to most.

However, Blaster didn't seem to be particularity weighted down by this pain. Soundwave watched his friend through half dimmed optics. The orange mech was friendly and cheery as ever. Any other mech wouldn't even notice something off around him. With his telepathy, however, Soundwave could feel a deep wounding in Blaster's spark and mind. What was worse was knowing how much his denial had hurt his friend's confidence. Soundwave dimmed his optics off and sighed softly. Blaster didn't let it show though. A part of Soundwave knew that this front was put up by Blaster to keep Soundwave from feeling guilty about his choice. That really stung the most.

He felt that he didn't deserve Blaster's un-flinching companionship.

Each one of their interactions since that tense discussion in the hallway had been just a tiny bit… off. Soundwave was suddenly hyper aware of Blaster's feelings. He couldn't shake his own confusion about the entire situation. Every lingering look or touch felt suddenly foreign again, not because Blaster's love made him uncomfortable, but because every time Blaster offered these gestures, the orange mech's processor was whirling and fretting over the possibility of making Soundwave uncomfortable.

Why was this all so confusing?

Soundwave wished there was something he could do to ease Blaster's pain and worry over this whole thing. He wished there was a way to answer his own confusion. If only there was a manual for emotions… he would definitely invest in that if there was one.

"Hey", Soundwave's optics flashed back online as Blaster's voice spoke softly from in front of him. The telepath jerked to look up at his roommate, Blaster grinned apologetically. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you", he chuckled and scrubbed the back of his neck. Soundwave shook his helm to protest the worry, but Blaster continued before he could interject.

"I'm headed to my shift now, I'll be gone 'till around 3. The little fellas should start showing up randomly starting around noon, so you've got the morning to enjoy the peace" Blaster chuckled. "You know the comm room is only a short skip away from here, so if you need anything, please just shoot me a message, okay? Like seriously anything, I'll get it done. Even if you're just too sore or lazy to get up and grab another cube of energon, I'll bring ya' one, okay?".

Soundwave gave an amused smile and shook his helm. He couldn't help but laugh a little. Once he looked back up at Blaster, and saw the earnestness in the orange mech's optics, he realized that Blaster was being completely genuine.

"Really?" Soundwave asked softly.

"Of course," Blaster shrugged like it was common sense that he would, "anything for you, 'Wave".

Soundwave blinked and studied Blaster for a moment.

"You really do love me… don't you?" he said softly.

"I-" Blaster hesitated. His faceplates gathered a soft flush as he let out a breath. "Yeah, 'Wave" he murmured sincerely, "I really do love you".

The room stood in silence for a moment and both mechs seemed to hold their breath as to not disturb it.

Soundwave found that his voice was caught in his throat suddenly. Over the months they had lived together, Soundwave had often sensed a suppressed fondness coming from Blaster's mind when they were together. He had never really questioned it all that much, he had always assumed it was just Blaster keeping his giddy friendship in check around a more mellow mech. Now that he knew what those emotions were, Blaster wasn't trying to hide them so much from him. The fondness and love for him that radiated from his mind when he spoke was almost enough to knock Soundwave right over. It was so much to take in, and it was so warm and pure.

Soundwave floundered for a moment more before Blaster finally spoke, "you don't have to say anything". The telepath's helm jerked back up to look at his roommate, Blaster was smiling at him. His optics held a cocktail of fondness for him as well as pain over the inability to express it. "I understand" his smile melted into something more morose before he cleared his throat and turned to face the door. "See ya' later" Blaster said as he stepped back into his upbeat façade, "just give me a shout if you need anything".

Soundwave nodded urgently as Blaster stepped out the door.

"Anything" Blaster poked his helm back in to point a joking finger at Soundwave. The telepath managed a nervous laugh and nodded.

"I will" Soundwave assured him.

Blaster smiled, then winked and finally let the door slide shut behind him.

Soundwave let out a compressed breath and dropped his frame to rest back against the couch. His processor felt like it was a tangled web and no matter how much he tried to work his thoughts and feelings out, they only got more and more tangled. Was it supposed to be this difficult? If he really had no feelings for Blaster, shouldn't he just be able to say no and move on without these horrible feelings of confusion and guilt sitting on his helm? It was that hesitation that puzzled Soundwave the most. Perhaps he just hadn't thought about it enough.

He shook his helm to attempt to clear it. Absentmindedly, Soundwave chewed on the inside of his cheek. He could try to envision himself in romantic situations with Blaster, then see how the idea made him feel. The biggest error in this was that he had no idea how these things would even be approached. Romance was something incredibly foreign to Soundwave, especially the soft gooey romance that Autobots seemed to partake in. The occasional "relationships" he had in the past had been incredibly non-romantic. There was plenty of interfacing involved, certainly. Sometimes it was good and sometimes it was rather uninteresting. Courting was a much more serious thing that Cybertronians did if they intended to find a serious mate. Soundwave had never met anyone that he would want to be "'junxies" with, as some of the other Autobots put it. Would he want that with Blaster? Blaster's feelings for him shot incredibly far beyond the sexual attraction needed for just casual relations. Blaster wanted to hold servos and cuddle and kiss and probably court too… as well as all of the interfacing of course. Soundwave's faceplates burned at the thought. Did he want that too? Could he want that with Blaster?

Blaster was definitely easy on the optics. He was incredibly kind and fun to be around. Soundwave smiled fondly to himself as he pondered over his closest friend. Blaster was so good at listening and telling funny stories. Not to mention how great he was with creations, even Soundwave's cassettes. Yes, that was certainly a lovely touch.

However, that doubt and fear lingered at the forefront of Soundwave's processor. As easy as Blaster was to be around, he had a hard time imagining the two of them being more intimate and romantic. However, that wasn't exactly a … fair way to evaluate a potential relationship with someone. Ideas of romance and intimacy with just about anyone sent Soundwave's processor spinning into anxiety. He hadn't exactly had the healthiest of upbringings. He could hardly remember his original family, even when he tried to envision his carriers' faceplates, he could really only recall a soft ringing voice. Then after their demise, his life had been a network of owners, some brisk and tolerant and others …. Well, they need not be thought about. However, their unkindness and mistreatment still left a hefty weight on Soundwave's shoulders in situations such as this one. There really wasn't so much as a friendly face in Soundwave's life until Senator Ratbat had taken him in and offered an underground escape. In short, intimacy with other mechs outside of casual, familiar, and platonic settings was still a bit of a struggle for Soundwave. Even when interfacing with other mechs, Soundwave usually only did it to meet his needs. It wasn't emotionally driven in most cases, just an attractive mech who found him attractive. They would have their fun in one of their quarters (or occasionally in an empty meeting room or storage closet) then go their separate ways until one of them was in the mood again. It was almost clinical, and certainly never romantic or even really intimate.

When Soundwave's spark had first split, he had been so incredibly terrified of how he was going to raise a sparkling without completely ruining it. He was so frightened of the level of intimacy and love that a sparking needed, and he had a deep unshakable fear of not being able to provide it.

Then again, when Ravage came along, Soundwave finally understood. Ravage had been so tiny and helpless. He just mewled and pawed blindly for his carrier. As soon as he was handed the tiny package, Soundwave fell completely helm over heels in love with his creation. It had been that way with every single one of them. Loving his creations had never been a struggle, it felt like it was ingrained within his very nature. He came out as a better mech thanks to his creations. They were the ones that taught him how to even feel love. They gave him something to live for. Despite his worries all those eons ago, he wouldn't take any of it back. But that was different… wasn't it?

This was a different kind of love, Soundwave mused to himself. It was his duty to raise his creations to the best of his abilities. It came to him like second nature, like he was built to do it (of course, he was). Blaster on the other hand… he was totally different. It was a totally different kind of love, and a totally different level of intimacy.

Soundwave took a deep breath and let it out. Maybe imagining romantic scenarios wasn't the best idea to figure this puzzle out. Perhaps looking into the past would bring more clarity. What were the most intimate things he and Blaster had done in the past? Off the top of his helm, Soundwave recalled the two nights he went to Blaster for comfort. They had talked together to the late hours of the night. To keep the cold at bay, they had lain close together and under the berth sheets. Then, the next morning, when they woke up in each other's arms… It was awkward, but not unpleasant. Soundwave recalled how warm and happy he felt those mornings before totally realizing what he was doing. Both mornings he woke with his audio pressed to Blaster's chestplates, the strong whirring of Blaster's spark was such a soothing sound to wake to. Even now, Soundwave's own spark hammered with something indistinguishable at the memory (Nervousness? Embarrassment? Excitement?). There was definitely some sort of unrecognizable thrill when Soundwave shared those mornings with Blaster.

Of course, there was also the night they had stayed up late making energon goodies together, as well as all of the late-night shifts that they had spent together talking and laughing. Most of the time, only one of them was actually on shift. The other just came to provide company and distraction from boredom. Not to mention all of their walks together, their movie nights, the times they spent playing with their creations like one large family.

Soundwave gave a deep sigh. Yes, Blaster was always there for him. He was one of the only mechs that Soundwave truly felt completely comfortable around. The telepath felt that he could be completely open and honest around Blaster, and Blaster would understand him. For all his social ineptitude, no matter if he was in a dark and quiet mood, Blaster would always be there for him. He had never doubted that once.

It happened to cross Soundwave's processor that, by extent, he would always want to be there for Blaster. He would want to be there to listen to Blaster, comfort him if needed, laugh and talk with him, stay up late with him, share a berth with him when the nights were difficult. Where those all romantic things? It was hard to tell. Soundwave pictured someone else doing those things with Blaster instead of him, perhaps stepping out of the situation would help him decide if those behaviours sounded like things a couple did.

A sudden possessiveness clutched Soundwave. It seized him so viscously that it knocked the breath out of his frame. For some reason, trying to imagine someone else with Blaster in the ways he was with Blaster turned Soundwave's vision red. He let out a confused hum and shook his helm. It was wrong. No one else could be with Blaster like that. Blaster was his.

Wait.

Soundwave furrowed his brows. Blaster was his? Blaster was his what?

Primus this was all so confusing. With a defeated groan, Soundwave sunk into his seat and scrubbed at his faceplates. He had a lot to think about.