"Im trying my best

I'm trying my best to be okay

I'm trying my best,

but every day, it's so hard

And I'm holding my breath 'til I can say

all of the words I want to say from my heart"

~ Anson Seabra, "Trying My Best"

Chapter 26: Two Lies, One Truth

She was standing in the kitchen, arms crossed as she stared unseeingly at the cabinets. Her mind was completely elsewhere, images of darkened, green eyes boring into her while his voice echoed words that had injected hurt under her skin. Why was this happening between them? Would they be able to fix it? If so... how? At the same time, her brain and body were fuzzy with both alcohol and stardust, a combination she'd needed after the altercation from the other day.

It'd been a little embarrassing going back out to the living room with the other teens most likely knowing the basics of what'd happened, so she'd felt the need to overload her senses with anything that wasn't pain since then. Misty had texted her privately and asked if she was okay, to which Jess had said she was fine. But the other girl had kept glancing at her for the rest of the day, letting Jess know her lie hadn't gone unnoticed. Misty had also suggested Jess hang out with her yesterday and today—maybe she didn't want her friend around Kade? Did that have something to do with how she felt about her using stardust?

At the moment, Jess didn't really care. She was at Kade's again anyway after a short work shift, intent on drowning herself in a few beers and grams of the white dust that was ripping her life apart.

A pair of arms snaked around her waist from behind her along with a warm mouth under her ear, startling her. The faint scents of aftershave and sharp cologne drifted to Jess's nose as she turned her head, seeing a familiar, sly grin.

"What're you doin' in here?" Kade asked in a low voice. "Lost in thought?"

"Something like that," she responded with a short, dry laugh that felt unnatural.

His touch was sending burning sensations all over her skin. He straightened up and spun her around to face him, dilated, icy eyes examining her. Like her, he was a little intoxicated but not quite drunk.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

Both of his hands made their way to cup her face, and she found it difficult to meet his gaze as doubt made her pause. "I guess I'm still... you know, thinking about the other day."

A shadow seemed to fall over his attractive features, similarly to the expression he'd worn when he'd seen Damian grabbing her wrist.

"Nah, fuck him," Kade said casually as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "All he's done is make you cry, and he obviously doesn't care about what you think or how you feel."

Jess was quiet as she considered his words. Did Damian really not care for her like she'd thought he did? To say he "obviously" didn't care about what she thought or felt seemed untrue, yet...

"Jess." He was lifting her chin now, making her look at him. The way his cool gaze was running over her face made something stir in her gut. "Forget him, okay? He's making you sad, and I don't like you being sad."

She felt a small smile growing on her face then, which had the corner of his mouth quirking up in response. "There's that smile I like." She didn't have a chance to respond because Kade was kissing her, his fingers still holding her chin and other hand dropping to her waist.

Since that day he'd first kissed her in his car, Jess had learned that he was often affectionate: he would always hold her hand, sling an arm around her shoulders, plant random kisses on her face, pinch her cheeks. Not that she was complaining; he made her blush often, especially when he was doing these things around other people, but that just meant he wasn't afraid of public affection. Although, for a girl who'd never been in an actual relationship, the experience was still unusual and new to her, so she was simply trying to enjoy it while she could before going back home.

Jess had gone up on her tiptoes, a habit she'd had to get used to, considering he was nearly six feet tall. Her hand found its place behind his neck, but before she could do anything else, Kade was then stepping forward, forcing her to retreat until the small of her back hit what was probably the kitchen counter. Without warning, he broke the kiss and bent down to grab her waist and lift her onto it, bringing her to his height. His hands found her bare knees, nudging them apart to let him stand between them, and then they traced up her legs to push up the hem of her skirt, leaving a trail of fire the whole way.

"Anyone ever tell you that you have amazing legs?" he murmured below her ear.

Something about the gesture or his words, or even both, had chills erupting all over her neck and down her spine. "No," she managed to respond, feeling strangely out-of-breath. "Must be all those years skating."

Pulling back to look at her with his fingers wrapped around both sides of her waist, he yanked her closer to the edge of the counter, up against his body. Kade's eyes were latched on to her lips briefly before he met them with his own again—Jess was overwhelmed with not only the electric sensations he was giving her but also the lingering effects of the alcohol and stardust; her mind felt muddy and sluggish yet on fire at the same time if that even made any sense. She was almost clumsy in the way she reached up to hold his face between her hands.

The next thing she knew, his warm mouth was traveling to her jaw then to her neck, down, down, while a hand snuck up, up, holding on to the edge of her shirt and tugging it over her head. She lifted her arms without question, feeling strands of hair fall around her face while he dropped the piece of clothing on the counter beside her. Things were certainly happening quickly; this was progressing further than they'd ever gone before now. Her stomach was churning with butterflies as his dilated gaze ran over her upper body, ablaze with a look that had a tiny voice of insecurity poking through her hazy thoughts.

Goosebumps rising all over the skin that was suddenly exposed, Jess let him kiss her again as his hand began slipping past the edge of her skirt once more. That same voice, coupled with doubt, was nagging her further, but she did her best to ignore it, shoving it as far back as she could. Still, it only intensified the moment his fingers found the edge of her underwear near her—

"Wait."

Heart racing with anxiety and having broken the kiss, she placed her hand on his and shifted it down her leg, away from where he'd been about to do something that set off alarms in her head. Kade straightened up, raising a brow at her but never removing his fingers from her thigh.

"Something wrong?" he asked, chilled gaze examining her face.

"I..."

Her brain felt like it was skipping in its function—stardust and alcohol aside—preventing her from gathering her thoughts into something more coherent.

"Did you kiss me on purpose in front of Damian?"

The words had slipped out completely against her will; she hadn't even been thinking about that moment in Damian's car, when he'd pretty much accused Kade of being petty. So why'd her moronic mouth blurt it out?

Gray-blues widened and then narrowed. "You're not seriously asking me that, are you?"

She couldn't respond against the abrupt lump in her throat.

Sighing exasperatedly, Kade reached up to rub at his face. "I don't see how that matters, Jess. Why are you even thinking about that right now?"

Jess turned her eyes down to her hands in her lap, feeling a chill envelop her bare arms and stomach. "I don't know..."

"Have you been thinking about him this whole time?" Bitterness seemed to have crept into his voice, which had her glancing up to see that irritation had furrowed his brows together.

"No, I just—it was something he'd said after you came to check on us that first time—"

A short laugh escaped from him as he stepped back and threw up his hands. "He really hates me, doesn't he?"

"He doesn't 'hate' you, Kade..."

"Yeah? Then why is he making such a big deal about you using stardust? And why does he always look like he wants to beat my ass every time he and I are even within a few feet of each other? Jesus, I barely know the guy, but somehow he doesn't like me."

"It's not like that. He's just worried about me—"

"And he has a funny way of showing it. I have to admit: I don't know a damn thing about him, but I already don't like the guy based on the way he's treating you." His cool eyes rested on her steadily with annoyance bright in them.

The escalation of the situation had Jess's body heating with tension and even surprise at how Kade was acting. She'd only seen him miffed one other time, but it'd been at his brother; he had never shown any negative feelings towards her, so this was certainly feeling out of left field.

A spark of discomfort erupted across her nerves. "Yeah, he can be pretty blunt and rude sometimes, but... he never means anything bad by it," she urged. For some reason, she was less irritated and more offended at Kade's accusation. "He's been nice to me since we met even though—"

She stopped abruptly. Even though I told him some of the worst parts of myself... Even though I'm starting to go off-track. He's still around.

"Do you hear yourself? You just said he's been nice to you, but I'm pretty sure he's the one making you cry lately."

Jess tried to swallow past the tightness in her throat. "Yeah, but..."

But it's because he cares... isn't it?

He gave another sigh, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again, his features softening. "Let's just... forget about him, okay? For real this time. Obviously, you're stressed out and talking about this isn't helping." His hand made its way to her face as he stepped closer and appraised her the way he had minutes ago. In a lowered voice, Kade added, "Let me take your mind off everything," leaning down to tenderly bite the skin under her ear.

But she couldn't shake the ache that had settled in her chest, making it hard for her to even attempt releasing all the unease from their little disagreement. Maybe his gesture would have shot more tingles through her body, but instead, it had her gently pushing him away.

"I-I'm sorry, I can't," she told him softly with a shake of her head.

"Give me a damn break, Jess," he said tiredly, straightening up to look at her. "I'm just trying to help you out."

Unable to meet his gaze, Jess responded, "I know... but I'm not in the mood anymore."

"You gonna be in the mood some other time before you leave?"

Confusion hit her as her brows furrowed, and she finally looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

Kade appeared puzzled as well, gesturing between them. "Um, I thought I was giving you some pretty obvious signs. I mean, I know this is temporary, but..." Before she could react, he pushed his fingers underneath the hem of her skirt again, moving them up to lift the bottom edge of her underwear and snap it against her skin. "Figured we'd make the most of it."

Jess felt heat flood her face along with the immediate urge to put her shirt back on. "Oh..." she managed to say. "I, um, I..."

Damn, Jess, you really are clueless.

The slightest smirk lifted the corner of Kade's mouth at her stuttering. "Guess I should be clearer next time. But hey, you don't have to say anything about it now. We can just... see how things play out?"

She nodded, speechless.

"And..." His other hand reached to tuck her hair behind her ear as his gaze ran over her face. "I didn't mean to bad-mouth him or upset you. I'm just pissed you guys are going through that, alright?"

Still unable to say anything, Jess let him envelop her in a hug, his arms wrapping around her almost-naked upper body. She leaned into the embrace, resting her chin over his shoulder—he was warm considering her exposed skin had erupted in goosebumps from the cool air. His words had calmed her a little, but she still couldn't shake the leftover negativity their mild disagreement had given her.

And his expectations between them that he'd voiced... Jess had certainly missed the signs, but in a way, it made sense, didn't it? While they weren't actually officially dating, their exclusivity and recognition of how it would be short-term had been mutual, and today had been the furthest they'd ever gone in terms of affection. Maybe someone else in her position would make a sort of "Why not?" decision and figure they might as well use the opportunity to do what they wanted, knowing the whole thing was short-lived anyway. Still, she wasn't quite sure how she felt about what Kade apparently wanted... Perhaps she'd feel differently within the next several days, but her initial gut feeling was that she had never foreseen this in their temporary "relationship."

It didn't mean she couldn't change her mind.

Kade was pulling back now, hands sliding down to rest on both sides of her waist. "How about I make it up to you?"

"How so?"

"Whatever you want. Food? A beer? We can put on a movie?" He raised his brows, a smile forming on his face. "Another gram?"

The image of Damian holding up the nearly-empty baggie of stardust flashed in her mind, his frustrated, green eyes staring at her.

"I could go for some food," she finally answered, forcing herself to return Kade's smile (and shove away the memory that'd decided to visit). "We can just order in."

Taking her shirt from the counter and handing it to her, the blond grinned and said, "I'll go grab my phone."

Once he was gone and Jess was no longer shirtless, her phone was in her hands with no notifications from anyone... though she'd only checked to see if a specific person had reached out to her. The next thing she knew, she was opening a particular text conversation, her thumbs hovering over the screen as her brain attempted to put together any combination of words, anything that would... well, she didn't even know. All she knew was that she wanted to say something.

"Jess?" Kade called a minute later from the living room.

"Coming!"

Glancing back down at her phone, Jess thought for a long moment before holding down the backspace button until the message she'd written out was gone. She hopped off the counter and put the device away, heading out to the living room with her unsaid words burning both in her pocket and in her mind.

"I think you should do it."

Misty looked up from her bowl of ramen, dark eyes landing on Jess across the dining table. The two of them were at her house again, mere days closer to Jess's departure to Central City. The brunette had just finished meeting with Erin, during which they'd spoken to Lora about what would happen with her probation.

In short, Jess had two options: extend everything she'd been doing by another two months or pay a hefty amount of money.

Lora had settled on the latter, no questions asked.

"You can't afford to delay your education again," she'd said to the teen during the call. "Plus, this is just another pile of paperwork that isn't worth you not finishing your last year. We can discuss how you'll repay that amount when you get back."

And so Jess's initial plans hadn't changed; she was going back to Central City in less than a week... yet there was something that could still potentially alter her entire plan.

"The scholarship thing, I mean," Misty clarified after slurping from her bowl. "It's literally the only way you can stay and not go back home... and go to the academy with me." She tossed her friend a sly smile.

"I don't know..." Jess mused, staring intently at the noodles she was trying to twist around her fork. "Like I said, it's too much. I don't even know how I'd repay him and his dad..."

Plus, how did her friend manage to convince his father to go as far as securing something this kind and generous for her?

"Sounds like you'd have to ask Damian that."

She couldn't help the scoff that escaped her. "Yeah, right..."

Yet she couldn't deny that she was pretty curious about it. The most about herself Jess had ever revealed to Bruce was that she'd gone through "a lot of tough things the last few years" that had set her back in school and life in general. It was definitely a watered-down version of the truth, but even while she felt she trusted him to a certain extent (and his son even more), she still had no desire to run around telling people everything about herself. Even Misty continued to be in the dark when it came to Jess being a meta-human.

Her friend was silent for several moments, so when Jess looked up at her, she saw that the other girl was keeping her gaze on her food. "What?"

Heaving a sigh, Misty put down her fork and sat back in her chair. "Okay, so I'm not going to make the same mistake that I did before. I'm going to tell you right now... that I think you should patch things up with Damian. And, like I just mentioned, that you should take the scholarship."

"But I have no idea how I'm supposed to have a conversation with him without things escalating the way they have..."

"Dude. Just tell him to shut up for a second and let you talk. I'm sure you guys can be mature enough to hear each other out."

Jess didn't respond. Were they really capable of doing that? She certainly didn't want to get into another argument with him... The mere thought made her uneasy and almost sad again. Although their last meeting had been two days ago, the frustration it'd left her with still lingered in her mind.

"If you're really gonna stick to going back home," Misty added with a raised brow, "you wouldn't wanna leave with you guys on a bad note, right?"

No. She really wouldn't like that at all.

"I know... I mean, I'll try talk to him. I just have to figure out what to say." Jess's voice was quiet as she stared out the window, watching a group of kids walking a dog down the street.

Misty was clearing her throat. "He, uh, came by to talk to me, you know."

Hazel irises snapped towards her, wide with mild alarm. "No, I didn't know that. When? Why?"

The other teen met her gaze, her own softening with slight awkwardness. "This was after you two had that first, uh, argument. He wanted to know if I'd known about, um, you using."

Of course he did. Why did that somehow sound so like him?

At first, this news irritated her. It felt like a major overstep on Damian's part, like he was further invading her business that he had no right to stick his nose in. Instead of asking Jess herself, he'd gone to her friend. Why?

Probably 'cause you weren't able to hold an actual conversation the first time.

"He really cares about you, Jess. I can tell," Misty was saying, her tone amiable. "And you already know what I think... Damian's just, well, a little too harsh with trying to get through to you.

"But I do think he has a point, at least with the whole 'second chance' thing. I wouldn't go as far as agreeing that you're naive and can't think for yourself—that was pretty below-the-belt for him. Anyway, what I'm saying is: you were always saying you thought your community service and probation in general were too light for the things you did...

"So, like, why are you continuing to do things that are disrupting all that, you know?"

The air was silent between them for a short while, Jess feeling that familiar sting in her eyes at her friend's words.

"Are you... trying to get a more... severe punishment?"

Was what she was doing a form of self-sabotage? Was she trying to make things worse for herself?

"I already told you, Misty," Jess finally answered, her voice shaking a little. "I started it because I... felt like I needed it. I needed something to help with—"

She stopped, unable to finish her sentence. It wasn't like she hadn't expected Misty to bring up all of this again. But anticipating her friend to express her thoughts about Jess's use of stardust on top of her strained relationship with Damian, apprehension about her probation as well as dreading going back home—it'd all just been too much lately. The last few days, she hadn't been sleeping well, falling asleep late and waking up too early, becoming distracted more easily, constantly worrying about everything that felt like was going wrong...

The ongoing stress had done nothing good but have her relying on the little, white crystals more frequently than she had been before. And one of the biggest differences was that she'd have a voice in the back of her head now, making her question her use of it and almost pause.

A voice that sounded a lot like his.

"I get that, Jess, I really do. But maybe there are some other ways to help you? You know, healthier ones..."

"Yeah... maybe," was all Jess could say as she blew out a deep sigh and put her fork back into the bowl, willing the faint stinging behind her eyes to go away.

Misty spun noodles around her fork before speaking up again, hesitation on her features. "You know how you said you don't even know how you'd repay Damian and his dad if you took that offer?"

"Yeah?"

"I have no idea if Bruce would ask anything of you, but... I think I have a good guess when it comes to what Damian would want."

Jess glanced up to see her friend regarding her with a knowing look, and she knew exactly what she'd meant by that: quitting stardust would be the price she'd pay for basically accepting a literal ticket to staying in Gotham.

"Because I want you to stay."

"I'd have to convince my aunt," Jess found herself saying. "But I can't get over the fact that I really don't believe I deserve it."

"Then I guess you have to earn it."

That sentence stuck with Jess even as she went back to the facility and sat on her bed, staring at an old photo of her with her parents that she'd had framed but kept stashed away in the dresser. She was aware of the other half of the room being bare and unoccupied, which had given her an overwhelming sense of loneliness since Misty had moved out. It didn't help the dejection and heartache that filled her chest as she gazed at Portia and Ian Fairchild's smiling faces, silently asking questions she knew she'd never get to ask them.

What do you think I deserve? How did I manage to get myself into this position again? Do you think it's even worth a shot?

What should I do?

Her vision blurred as she set the frame down before her and brought her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them. Like always, doing so barely helped the metaphorical hole in her chest that throbbed, but she did it anyway because what else would make her feel any better?

Jess immediately thought of those damned sparkling crystals, feelings of guilt and shame following quickly. Seeing her parents' faces only seemed to make her feel worse—she could only imagine how upset and disappointed they'd be if they saw her now, if they'd known that she relied on the white powder as much as she did. Even now, she was continuing to let them down. First, not being able to remain strong after the accident, then running away, the gang... and now this. When would she ever be better and really fulfill this second chance?

Could she even do it at all?

"Thanks for all your hard work, Jessica," Matthew told her, eyes sparkling. "You've certainly improved very much since you first began."

"Thanks. I appreciate that." Jess gave him a smile just as he extended his hand for a handshake.

"I hope you continue to spend lots of time around books and develop a love for classification as I have!"

The man hurried off after a corny salute, and the teen let out a sigh. Her final, three-hour shift at Gotham's library had ended for the day, meaning this was most likely the last time she'd ever step foot within this building for a long while... maybe ever. She'd spent the last several weeks continuing her duties alone since Damian had quit volunteering, but a small part of her had grown to accept the solitude and almost not mind shelving the library's inventory and moving things around for rearrangement.

Now, she was completely done with community service, her temporary job, tutoring, every responsibility that had fallen on her shoulders for the summer. There were only a handful of days left until she'd board a plane back to Central City.

And the dread that followed the thought of doing so grew ever so prominent in her gut the closer the date became.

Shrugging her light jacket over her shoulders, Jess made her way from the back of the library to the front, bidding her goodbyes to the few people she had grown used to seeing. None of them she'd ever really spoken to much besides occasional conversation and requesting help with things, but somehow, there was still something about the place that she felt like she would miss, strangely enough.

She was then passing the new location of the special collections, a separate room that required employee access through the card reader on the door. Seeing it made her pause in her steps, eyes sweeping over the familiar bookshelves and display cases arranged neatly past the heavy, glass door. Memories slipped into her mind from the one day she'd had to help move a number of things there—because it was just fitting she'd have to end up doing work in the very section she'd committed a crime, right?

"Jessica."

His voice had her jumping a little as she stood in the old space where all the special collections items were held. Everything looked nearly the exact same as it had when she'd been here with Beth and Francis except for the number of boxes scattered about, ready to be filled. When Matthew had assigned her and Damian to help pack things up, anxiety and nervousness had started deep in the pit of her stomach, and part of her had wanted to come up with some excuse to get out of it.

Family emergency? Didn't feel too well? Suddenly allergic to books?

Damian stepped into her view, making her tear her gaze from the back of the room where Beth and Francis had betrayed her. His green eyes seemed to be examining her, trying to read why she was standing there like a dork. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah. I'm fine, just... zoning out," Jess managed to respond as she attempted to shake the memories from her head.

"Are you sure?"

Something in his tone had her meeting his eyes again, which only made her feel like he was seeing past her little white lie.

He can read you, remember? an inner voice reminded her.

Trying to ignore how hard her heart was pounding, Jess found herself walking a few steps further into the room as her gaze ran over the bookshelves nearby. "Um... Do you remember what I said about what I'm doing here in Gotham? Why I'm here... at the library?"

He simply nodded once, the expression on his face patient.

Her body seemed to move on its own; she was heading towards the exact same display case she'd helped Beth steal from, her heart jumping into her throat when her eyes fell upon the same books, too.

"We weren't going to keep you around forever," the blonde woman—who Jess had been convinced, once, actually cared about her—had said in this room. "You have this incredible power, Jess, but we weren't going to let you use it against us at any moment... And now we can't take the risk anymore. I really am sorry."

"Jessica." Damian was at her side again, having followed her. It felt like it took a lot of strength to look away from the display and make eye contact with him. Both his eyes and voice were amiable, like he somehow knew that she was going through something. "Where are you right now?"

His question didn't make sense at first, but then Jess realized how obvious it was that she was reliving one of her worst mistakes—or had this been her best decision? She was clenching her teeth and taking labored breaths in and out of her nose, chest rising with them.

"It was right here," she told him, her voice having dropped to barely above a whisper as she looked at the display again. "This is where I—this is the exact place I made the decision to change my life for the better."

To stop running. To do better—be better.

"I turned myself in here."

After a few moments, she heard him say softly, "And you did the right thing."

Glancing up, she saw those emerald greens regarding her with a look she wasn't sure she'd really seen on him before. A hint of it had been there in the days following Titus's burial, even when she'd confessed to him in the manor kitchen the deepest truths about herself... but now, at this moment, it was much more evident. It sent a comforting warmth through her that she accepted right then and there because, for some reason, she felt like she needed it.

It was a lot like admiration.

Bruce had grown fairly used to seeing Jess around the manor. She'd been around so often over the last few months that he was hardly ever surprised to walk into the kitchen to find her and Damian eating or to hear their voices debating a movie they'd just finished in the theater when he passed by in the hall. It wasn't quite unusual seeing his son hang around someone as much as he had been, considering the other few, past relationships that he'd developed, but the sight was bittersweet nonetheless.

And one of the very reasons that made it "bitter" had come to Bruce's mind once he'd noticed that she wasn't coming around anymore. Of course, he'd already known something had gone wrong that day he and Selina had nearly run into the girl on the stairs, and Damian had confirmed it in his newfound determination in the stardust case. For reasons Bruce could only guess, Jess had fallen into the drug's trap, so now his son was hellbent on pulling her out of it, creating a rift between them that was likely contributing to why he hadn't seen the teens together in several days. And naturally, the older Wayne was a little worried, seeing how old habits were once more finding control over Damian, something that he himself had experienced one too many times.

Jason's apparent return to the city certainly didn't help, Bruce knew. If anything, his connection to Jess had probably rubbed salt into the wound that was already between her and Damian—or like old wounds were arising once again.

Not that the mention of his other son didn't affect him either. Hearing from Damian that Jason was back had resurfaced memories that Bruce had locked away, reminding him that he hadn't seen or heard from him in too long... not since those two had let a particular experience drive a deep wedge between them. Having nearly everyone except Alfred and Damian eventually leave the manor had been a learning albeit saddening curve in itself, but knowing there existed this web of strained relationships among the family made all things feel much more distant.

Bruce heaved a sigh, clearing the muddled thoughts from his mind as he pushed himself up to his feet. He'd been doing yard work for most of the afternoon; after a few hours, his t-shirt and jeans were stained with grass and dirt, and a warm shower was most definitely in order.

While he pulled off the gloves and surveyed the backyard before him, he was suddenly aware of another presence. Jess was on the back porch, waiting just beyond the patio doors, hesitation in her figure. She was dressed casually in a cropped hoodie and leggings, hair nearly falling out of its bun.

"Hi," she finally said with a timid smile. "Um, I hope I'm not interrupting."

"You're not. But you just missed Damian—he's out running a few errands for Alfred." Bruce returned the smile.

Hazel eyes widened a little as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Oh, well, Alfred's the one that told me he was gone and that you were out here 'cause I didn't come... for Damian."

His brows raised a little at that.

"I wanted to talk to you about, um, the letter."

She appeared to be trying her best to remain composed and calm, yet Bruce could read the nervousness in the way she spun one of the rings on her fingers and ran her gaze over the backyard, avoiding his gaze.

'The letter'?

Curious, he gestured towards the patio furniture and made his way over to one of the chairs at the outdoor table that had been warmed by the afternoon sun. The teen followed suit, seating herself across from him and looking down at her hands in her lap. The table's umbrella shielded them both from the sunlight, providing Bruce some much-needed shade.

"What exactly about... the letter... did you want to discuss?" he decided to ask in a patient tone.

Jess was quiet for a few moments, gaze still turned downward. Then she took a deep breath before answering, "I just want to know how you and Damian could do something like that for me. And why."

Bruce's brain was working as quickly as it could, attempting to understand what exactly "that" was and how it had a connection to whatever "letter" she was referring to. It didn't take long, though, to conclude that it was something Damian had done without his knowledge, considering she had just said "you and Damian."

What had his son done behind his back now?

He was weighing several options, including various things he could say or ask that would get her to reveal the answer to him while pretending to know exactly what she was speaking about, when she spoke again.

"Not that I don't appreciate it," Jess was adding, meeting his eyes. "I really do—I mean, I think it's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, but... I don't know. Paying for school seems like way too much. I don't think I... I don't think I deserve it at all."

The pieces were coming together in his head now, and within several moments, Bruce had come to what he was sure to be a fairly accurate guess at what had happened.

"Can you explain to me why you think it's too much?"

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, eyes trained on something in the distance behind him. "Well... for one, I've heard that even just a year at the academy is pretty expensive. But just the fact that you are willing to pay for that—the fact that you're willing to pay for it at all is just... I'm sorry, it's just kind of crazy to me."

Bruce never would have put it past Damian to go to such lengths to do something like this. However exactly he'd gone and done it, the young man was more than capable of finding a way to apparently offer Jess a year at Gotham Academy unbeknownst to Bruce himself—with his money.

With a mental sigh, he maintained his calm and kind demeanor, the teenage girl before him completely unaware of the truth behind the situation.

"It was a careful decision Damian and I made together," Bruce lied smoothly, watching as she sat back in the chair and fidgeted with the drawstrings of her hoodie.

"Speaking of that... how did he convince you anyway? What did he tell you?"

Absolutely nothing.

Bruce paused for a long moment. What was the most appropriate way to answer without making it sound as if his son had told him the experiences Jess had endured? She'd already told Damian about the most painful parts of her life, he knew that much. He could only imagine how upset she would likely get, and he wasn't sure he would blame her—the girl's secrets were hers and hers alone to tell. Indeed, the two of them knew everything there was to know about her, yet that was certainly not something he would reveal to her.

After another minute of contemplation, he finally answered, "Truthfully, he didn't tell me very much. Damian was very convincing in saying that you don't want to return to Central City, that staying here would give you a chance at the life you deserve."

He saw the effect his words, though they were lies, had on her. She wasn't looking at him anymore, her gaze on the table between them. A small wrinkle had formed between her brows as she considered what he'd said, silence falling among them.

"I'm not entirely sure what he meant by that, but... he told me he wanted to help you, and this was the best way he could do that. And I trust Damian, so I agreed."

Would he have actually agreed if Damian had actually suggested this to him rather than done it behind his back?

"He... he didn't tell you anything else?" Jess appeared more nervous all of a sudden, eyes full of anticipation.

"No... That was all."

Bruce had a feeling her asking had something to do with stardust and how it had pushed her and Damian apart. It only made him wonder if it was one of the reasons Damian had decided to go above and beyond with this... "favor." Yet how would having her spend a year at the academy accomplish that?

Even now, the older man could see how her use of the white powder was affecting her then and there. She was bouncing her leg underneath the table and had put one of the drawstrings of her hoodie in her mouth, chewing on it as she stared with wide eyes at nothing in particular in the backyard behind him. This must have been the most anxious Bruce had ever seen her, including all the moments he'd faced her as Batman when she'd had her entire future in the hands of those she'd wrongfully trusted. The girl had stood before him—not to mention defied his urge to turn her life around—in his suit, fought against the same people who'd taken her in and betrayed her, encountered Robin numerous times across the city, managed to live on her own for several months... yet here, now, Jess appeared fragile and beside herself. She was clearly at a loss and unable to comprehend Damian's generosity, something that he rarely gave because it was even rarer that he let any person grow too close. This gift he'd given her put a life-changing decision on her shoulders; it was no wonder she looked as troubled as she did.

And perhaps that was why the gesture was so jarring and outlandish to her. It wasn't that Damian was trying to solve Jess's problems with money. Bruce knew that while his only biological son was undeniably one of the most difficult people to get through to, it only meant that Damian reserved his efforts, time, and love for the ones he eventually let in. It meant that when he cared for someone, he cared hard and as deeply as one could... possibly much more than anyone else around.

"I know this might be very difficult to wrap your head around and even more so to make a decision, whether or not you'll accept Damian's offer," Bruce began carefully, "but... I will say this: as you already know, Damian is... ah, very 'selective' when it comes to choosing his friends and those who grow close to him.

"Beyond that, when he's decided he wants to keep you around him, he's undoubtedly one of the most caring and loyal people you'll ever meet."

He saw the way her eyes fell onto him, sparkling with something that was either tears or dawning realization... perhaps both.

"And with this letter, I believe Damian is showing you what he doesn't know how to say," Bruce continued. "If there is anything I know best about him—"

Something caught in his throat, throwing him off-guard and forcing him to swallow past it. Jess didn't seem to notice, having zoned out in her own little world as he'd kept speaking.

After taking a steady breath, Bruce finished, "If there's anything I know best about Damian... it's that he has the biggest heart I've ever known."

Out of everything he'd said to her during the entire conversation, that single sentence had felt the most honest, the most truthful thing he could have spoken. It must have resonated with the teen because she'd looked lost in thought for a while before thanking him for his time and getting up to leave. She needed more time to consider the scholarship, Jess had added, but she wanted him to know that she was grateful for his kindness. Her hazel eyes had still been glistening with tears that weren't yet spilling when she bade him goodbye, leaving Bruce to his more muddled thoughts in the backyard.

When Damian had gone to open the door after Alfred had notified him someone was at the gate for him, he'd expected an embittered, resentful Jess who wanted to give him a piece of her mind. He'd expected a familiar, hazel-colored glare and perhaps an ultimatum that would make it difficult for him to avoid returning the favor. He'd been as prepared as he could be, bracing himself while unlocking the door.

Instead, he was met with wide, hazel eyes that were filled with uncertainty and distress... They took him in as he stood there, watching her try to speak. She looked like she'd spent the entire day in bed in an over-sized t-shirt, sweatpants, and sneakers. Strands of hair had come loose from her low ponytail, contributing to the appearance of her having rolled out of bed.

"I... I know you probably don't really want to talk or see me right now..." she began, twisting the ring on her finger, eyes dropping to the ground.

Her voice began to tremble, just like her bottom lip. "But I-I... I d-don't know what—Fuck." Wiping away at a tear that had fallen down her cheek, Jess looked irritated with herself. "Told myself I wasn't going to cry, but here I am," she muttered crossly.

Damian watched as she struggled to take a deep breath, still not meeting his eyes. "I d-don't know what to do," she tried again, voice shaking. "I just—Everything is... I just don't know what to do."

And then Jess was in tears all of a sudden, her hands covering her face as her shoulders shook. It was instant, a reflex, the way he stepped through the doorway and embraced her, taking her smaller figure into his arms as if it was something he was meant to do.

He felt her lean into him while she sobbed... yet there was something else he was aware of as well. Despite the ache rising in him at the sight of her crying, he felt a peculiar blooming of warmth within his chest, one that was stronger and beginning to spread throughout his entire body. No, it was nothing like misplacing a phone or a sweater he often wore. It was more than familiar, a feeling he hadn't experienced in too many days, similar to inserting a key into a lock, sliding a book perfectly in place on a shelf—it was as if he'd found something he had lost, something that he'd been used to having around and had just gotten back.

Something that belonged.

Note: so i wanted to spend this chapter exploring how Jess feels trying to understand Damian's grandiose gesture with the whole scholarship thing. i feel like she was just getting used to the idea of having friends who actually want her around, people who care about her, and then Damian goes and expresses his desire for her to stay with this letter and she's like "WTF i can't handle this" lol. threw in Bruce's perspective to give a different angle to our beloved Damian's character and how much of a truly loyal and caring person he really is :)

and then, uh, i wrote that beginning part with Kade to hint at the way he sees the friendship between the two, but clearly, he only sees a very limited portion considering he and Damian don't even know each other haha

thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed! Miss Victoria 20: it's totally not wrong for you to wish Jess and Damian get together. call me biased, but i'm rooting for them, too ;) curlystruggle: your comment about everyone needing therapy truly made me laugh out loud. no joke. (also, i don't disagree HAHA) evabrennan: thanks so much for that viewpoint! i won't say too much 'cause i don't wanna reveal anything, but all i will say is that you and i think alike :D reddevil47, anoyak111: writing mouthy Damian is so fun, i'm already brainstorming more ways to make him upset LOL i'm awful, i shouldn't do our poor Damian like that 0Swan8: you're not wrong! (neither of them know that yet, so we'll see how long that takes... hehe)

again, many thanks to every single one of you! *insert heart emojis* i appreciate every review and favorite and follow. writing this fanfic plus playing video games are honestly the only things getting me through this pandemic and working from home and everything we're going through. hope you enjoyed this one! next chapter is gonna be quite the turning point if you didn't already guess that :) xx