What A Tangled Web We Weave

by The0Stars0Are0Shining0

She still wakes up some mornings convinced she must be asleep because this is surely a nightmare. She was never meant to be the girl that gets a divorce. They were never meant to end up here. They were meant to be the ones that got the happy ever after. She hates him because he's ruined everything and it's not fair because she doesn't want to still love him but love him she does.

22. Chapter 22

A/N Apologies for the long, long wait on this to those of you that have been following this story. Life got a bit in the way and I lost my flow! Hope you're all well and safe :)

TWENTY TWO

'It's bedtime sweetheart' He announces. He's going in strong this time because she's already fooled him into extra time.

'I'm playing' She tries her luck.

'Yes but it's already past your bedtime'

'Just a couple more minutes Daddy' She tries to negotiate.

'You've had an extra five minutes Roe. Be a good girl. You need to take the zoo back up to your room'

'It's not a zoo!' She exclaims in outrage. 'I'm in the middle of a game!'

'It's bedtime, don't make me keep repeating myself. They can't stay there. Someone will trip and break their neck'

'They can…' her eyes skitter around the overcrowded staircase. 'They can climb up the other side and then climb, climb over the bannister there and jump over Miss Bunny there like that see. It's easy' She rambles a proposition of how anyone that wants to get to the second floor can make their ascent.

'Not as easy as say just walking up the stairs?'

'They're not stairs Daddy it's a stage down there and this is the audience and we're just about to vote on whether Felix Frog is good enough to go through to the, the next round. Maybe we should hear another song choice first though' She grabs a large, fluffy ostrich from the audience and her next words come out a squeaky octave higher. 'Yes Felix Frog' She flaps the bird's wings. 'I just don't think that was the right song choice for you' she reaches for the plastic crocodile that's sat on the other side of the bird. 'Definitely the wrong song choice. Do you have anything else prepared Felix Frog?' Her voice is deeper this time and Lucas knows when she jumps to her feet that she's about to clamber over the obstacles to reach the bottom of the stairs to the stage where Felix is awaiting his fate. Despite really wanting to hear the frog's next audition he grabs the toy in question and springs his arm out, capturing the 7 year old on route.

'Felix is all ribbited out for tonight. We'll have to tune in next time to see his audition'

'Boo' she chimes. 'You're upsetting the crowd!'

'I know. Just call me Simon Cowell!'

'Moo cow is Simon Cowww' She giggles and moos for effect. 'Get it?'

'I get it clever clogs' He smiles as he begins to pile the soft toys up. 'Come on you need to help. The stairs really isn't the best place for a game Roe. You could slip and hurt yourself'

'I'm a superhero Daddy. I don't fall'

He smiles because her scraped knees and the plaster on her elbow suggest otherwise. 'I don't need a demonstration thanks' He quickly murmurs because he knows she's about to try and do some form of pirouette or jump on the step she's on and he doesn't want to end the night with a trip to A & E. 'Stop stalling Superhero and use your powers to tidy up instead'

She huffs but finally resigns herself to the inevitable and begrudgingly assists in vacating the audience. Her efforts are half hearted at best. By the time they make it to her room Lucas's arms are piled high and the 7 year old is clutching her beloved kitty cat and a plastic T-Rex.

'Not there Daddy, Mr Owl sits next to Poppy the polar bear. They're best friends' He indulges her and rearranges the stuffed toys. 'Waddles and monkey have to sit far, far away cause they're not getting on at the minute'

His eyebrow cocks as he watches her sit the penguin and monkey in their respective spots a good distance away. He knows he should put an end to what is essentially another tactic to avoid bedtime but she's drawn him in. 'Why aren't they talking?'

'Oh you know marriage and stuff'

'Marriage and stuff' He echoes.

'Yup'

'Waddles and Monkey are married?'

She rolls her eyes and looks at him as though the animals' relationship status is a given. 'They want to get divorced though'

He sits down on her bed as she continues to hop about as she finds homes for all her toys.

'What happened?'

'With Waddles and Monkey?'

'Yes'

'Arguing and grown up stuff but it's ok'

'What's OK?'

'It's a secret' she dramatically declares.

'What is?'

'You promise you won't tell?'

'I'm the best secret keeper' he declares.

She ponders his claim. '...ok but you can't tell otherwise you'll ruin the magic'

'I promise' he salutes.

She smiles at his enthusiasm and abandons her toys to scramble up onto the bed beside him. She cups her hand around her mouth and kneels to whisper into his ear. '...I'm gonna wish it'

'Wish what?'

'On my birthday cake. When I blow out the candles. I'm gonna wish that Waddles and Monkey don't get divorced and you and Mummy don't so it won't happen' His stomach knots. A lump forms in the back of his throat with her naive words. She smiles up at him as she backs up a little. 'I know my Birthday isn't till after Christmas but Mummy always says it's here before you know it. You can wait till then can't you? And then, then you'll move into the new house too. Ok Daddy?'

He squints down at her. 'Roe'

'It's a magic birthday wish that the fairies make happen if you're good. I'm good'

'Of course you're good sweetheart but that...' He shakes his head. Searches for the right words. 'You don't have to use your Birthday wish on that. Fairies can't always make wishes happen'

'You don't believe in fairies?-'

'I believe in fairies' He emphatically states because last time she'd doubted his belief in the magical creatures in question he'd had to run around the room clapping his hands while screaming he believed in fairies at the top of his lungs to ensure no fairies dropped down dead due to his misdemeanours. 'I just don't want you to be disappointed if they can't make that happen quickly' He finds himself adding because he can't bear her sad eyes.

'They'll sort it out eventually'

'Mmm maybe but it's Daddy and Mummy's job to fix their own problems. It's not really the fairies job is it? They've got lots of other important jobs like collecting teeth-'

'There's more than one kinda fairy and grown ups need help most sometimes Daddy. When Peter Pan grew up he forgot all about Neverland and needed lots of help. Sometimes when you get more brains you forget how to use the most important bits'

He smiles. 'Yeah' he can't argue with her point. Is pretty certain he's not used said brain to it's full potential over the course of the last year. 'Me and Mummy love you Roe-Boat'

'I know' She's sat herself in his lap now. 'And you love my Mummy too'

'I love your Mummy too' He agrees. 'We've not been arguing, have we? I think Waddles and Monkey can sit next to each other. It'd probably be good for them to talk more if they're not getting on huh?'

She ponders his suggestion. '...Why does Mummy want to divorce you?' He sighs as she plays with his hands. Her eyes soon flicker up to look into his face '...is it, is it cause you drank too many beers?'

He grimaces because he knows exactly what night has planted that seed in her head. Knows because he's never felt like he's failed more as a parent than he did that night.

'No baby. Although I think I know why're you're saying that. I did drink too many beers that night huh?'

'Uhuh. I didn't like it. You smelt funny' She crinkles her nose.

'I know. I'm so sorry'

'You were scary'

His heart aches. 'I'm never going to do that again Roe. I'm sorry. I was really, really silly that night'

'Uhuh. And Mummy was cross. Really cross' She emphasises.

'Yes. I'm sorry you heard us fighting that night' He sighs. 'And every other time we've had a fight'

'Why don't you just say sorry about the beers? I think she'll forgive you. She forgives me when I make mud baths in the garden. When you do something bad you just have to say sorry after and it's ok'

'Roewyn' He tries not to laugh at her. 'Sorry doesn't mean you get to keep making the mud baths does it?'

She smiles mischievously. 'I know'

'Right. So if you make anymore mud baths in the garden you're gonna be in big trouble madam'

'I know' She sighs, suddenly disinterested.

'I did say sorry for that night Roe-Boat' He reroutes their conversation. 'There's just lots of other things we're trying to work out'

'Is it like a sum?'

'A sum?' He squints at her.

'Uhuh. Sometimes they're real, real hard' She dramatically declares. 'And they make me go like this' She crosses her eyes and he laughs. She grins at the way she's roused a hearty chuckle from him.

'You do make me laugh'

'I'm funny'

'Uhuh. You really are. Yes I suppose it is like a sum'

'No sum is un-solve-able though. Miss Carmichael says so and she knows all the sums. Maybe you should get a tutor Daddy. They might help you solve it quicker'

'Me and Mummy sort of do have a tutor helping us'

'You do?'

'Uhuh. So you don't need to worry ok?'

'I'm not worried. Mummy says we'll always be a family forever and ever and ever and ever. No matter what'

'She's right'

'She also says I can be anything I want to be'

'Again she's right' He smiles.

'Wanna play space jump?'

'Space jump?' He kinks his brow.

'Uhuh you gotta jump from my desk to my bed to the rug and you can't touch the floor cause otherwise you fall down a black hole'

'That would be unfortunate'

'Uhuh'

'No Space jump tonight kiddo. It's bedtime. But you already know that' He taps her nose. 'Is Space Jump how this happened?' He nods his head towards the wall next to the bed where there's a prominent scuff mark that he's sure wasn't there the last time he was in her bedroom.

She looks down sheepishly. '...I had my space boots on'

'Mhmm. No Space jump or jumping of any kind with your shoes on on your bed Roe' He wags his finger at her. 'Has Mummy seen that?'

'I don't think so. She won't mind. She doesn't mind bout those fings like you do'

He rolls his eyes because the child's observation isn't altogether wrong. He has noticed his wife's nonchalance over certain things that tend to wind him up a whole lot more. 'I think Mummy will mind' He argues anyway. 'She spent a long time painting your room all nice for you'

'Uhuh. She loves doing that stuff though Daddy. She'd love to do it again. Anyways it doesn't matter cause I get a new room remember'

'Mmm. Come on. It's time for pyjamas Astronaut'

•••

'The girls are in bed. It's late Luke'

'I'm not here for the girls' He slurs.

Her eyes narrow as she regards him. '...Are you drunk?' She already knows the answer. Her eyes flitter down the drive to his car. 'Tell me you did not drive that here' She already knows the answer because there's no sign of any companion with him and said vehicle has taken up residence at his mother's house in recent weeks.

'I'm fine-'

'What the hell?!' Her eyes are wide. She's seeing red. There's a knot in her stomach.

'I needed to talk to you-'

'So pick up the bloody phone-'

'I needed to see you to talk to you-'

'How could you be so reckless?' Her hands are in her hair. Her mind is racing with all the possibilities his actions could have resulted in. Not in a million years did she ever think he'd be so stupid. She's left wondering yet again if she ever really knew the man before her because lord knows she's not recognised a single damn thing he's done in recent weeks.

His hands cup her elbows. 'Baby it's ok. I'm fine I promise' He coos and steps over the threshold into the house. 'I had a couple of drinks-'

'You've not just had a couple of drinks!' She can smell the whiskey on his breath. He's made it into the hall now and has her backed up against the wall as he carelessly closes the front door with his foot. Her stare jerks to the ceiling worriedly. 'The girls are asleep' She hisses.

'Sorry, sorry' His finger goes up to his lips. 'I'll be quiet' He nods.

'You could've got pulled over, you could've crashed, you could've hurt someone-'

'Don't be so uptight-'

'Do not tell me not to be uptight' Her voice is quiet but scary nonetheless. 'My mother died because of someone like you' She shoves the heel of her palm into his chest. Tries to stalk away and find a more quiet location for this conversation because the last thing she wants is her girls to see him in this state, nor hear the harsh words she has to say. But he hauls her back before him. 'Lucas' She blinks. There's a stinging sensation in her nose. A lump in the back of her throat. She's surpassed mad.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That came out wrong'

'Let me go'

'No just, just wait' There's a grimace on his face because this isn't going how he anticipated and her words are sobering because he does know how her mother died. Does know that nothing warrants driving under the influence but just half an hour ago the journey seemed more than essential. 'You know the roads I went down are dead at this time-'

'Don't justify it with some bullshit' She whispers.

'I'm not, I'm not. It was fucking stupid. I know it was fucking stupid. I just had to see you-'

'And what is so god damn important that it required you putting yours and others lives at risk?' He watches her, stares into her glaring eyes. '...Well?-' His hands constrict around her upper arms as she tries to make another escape, his hold like a vice.

'I'm coming home'

She rolls her eyes despairingly. 'We've had this conversation'

'No, no we've not. You don't get to call the shots. This is my house too!' His voice raises with his declaration.

'Lucas' She hisses his name scathingly. 'Will you be quiet! The girls are in bed' She manically emphasises.

'We're not getting a divorce'

Her eyes dart to the stairs. Is relieved to find no children loitering. 'Shh'

'I'm moving back in'

'No. You're not'

'Yes. You don't get to tell me what to do. This is my house-'

'Ours. And it's barely that! We've not made the last two payments'

'I'm working on it-'

'Find some magic gold pot at the end of the bottle did you-' His mouth suddenly cuts off any other words she has to say. Her eyes widen because she's never caught off guard when it comes to this and him. Always knows when he's about to kiss her. Can always tell from a mile off. His chest is flush against her as she struggles to get free. 'Lucas!' She twists her head away.

'Come on' He's undeterred by her protests and pins her wrists back to the wall, ceasing her bid for escape. 'I need you. Just once. You'll remember- you'll remember-'

'What I'm remembering right now is that you're an asshole' She growls. 'Let me go' She arches her back to try and push herself away.

'I want you-'

'Oh I'm sorry, you want me! Please, do go ahead'

Her sarcastic drawl has him jarring her against the hard surface behind her and shock both stills and silences her. He presses his forehead to hers. 'Just, just stop' He nuzzles his nose against hers and she closes her eyes. Swallows. Blinks. 'You're my wife. I need you'

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. He smells of cigarettes and she's deduced that he's been with Junk cause he's the only one of their friends that smokes and she wants to ring him and give him a piece of her mind for ever letting the intoxicated man before her get in a car.

'...I need you to let me go'

He ignores her. A hand has snuck under her top and her revulsion grows because he's not listening. 'We're not getting a divorce Peyton' His head is in her neck now and she looks up at the ceiling.

'Stop'

He hears the tears in her voice and his head retreats a little to survey her. '...you're crying. Why're you crying?'

'Mummy?'

Both of their heads swivel toward the stairs at the sound of the small voice. Her racing heart isn't going to get a break it seems.

He stumbles back in all of a second.

'It's alright. It's alright' Peyton's head bobs a little too enthusiastically as she's confronted with both her children peering through the bannisters.

Sawyer's grip is tight on her sister's hand and Peyton inhales sharply to try and reign in her emotions because her heart is breaking. Her eldest daughter is worried, her stance protective and she's never hated the man before her more because her children are frightened.

'Daddy was out with Uncle Junk and his car broke down' She rolls her eyes for good measure. 'That's all. I'm sorry we woke you both up' There's a lilt to her voice that she hopes conveys to them that all is fine.

'My girls. My beautiful, beautiful girls-' He staggers toward the stairs but Peyton is quick to side step round him to not so subtly stop him from clambering up the steps.

'Sawyer honey why don't you take Roe and go snuggle up in my bed huh? I'll come up in a minute'

Sawyer's rounded eyes leave her father and focus on her cowering sister as she quickly obeys with a slow nod.

'I can't fucking say hello to them now?' His inebriated state doesn't have him considering his daughters are still in earshot despite their departure.

'Not like this, no. Look at you' She is more aware and talks in low hum. 'You're making a god damn fool of yourself' She breathes. 'Your beautiful girls are bloody scared of you right now. Is that what you want?'

'I want you back. I'm trying to fix this! I'm trying to fix this! You won't even try!'

'What do you think rocking up here out of your head at midnight on a school night, terrifying them and trying to fuck me is going to achieve?' He pinches the bridge of his nose because her observation isn't that skewed but it wasn't meant to be like this. This was all meant to go a whole lot differently. But the last ten minutes has been sobering and he's suddenly painfully aware that his little fantasy could never have panned out as he'd been imagining on route here. 'You can sleep on the sofa-'

'No I, I'll go-'

'You're not bloody driving Lucas' She makes a point of holding her hand out. Doesn't articulate what she wants. He doesn't need to ask. Hesitantly hands her his keys. 'Sleep it off'

•••

'Sore?' She startles as he walks into the kitchen. Knows he's just caught her with her dress up and inspecting the irritated skin on her inner thigh. He tries not to laugh at the blush that's creeping up her cheeks.

'How long have you been standing there?'

He shrugs. Smiles. 'A little while. How could I not make the most of seeing those pins in all their glory?'

'You're always creeping up on me' She does a little dance as she walks toward the kitchen work tops. He squints at her.

'Is it that bad?' His brow furrows because whilst it had been his intention to leave her with a reminder of their earlier encounter he really hadn't meant for her to be in any serious discomfort.

'No' She bats her hand. 'Legs are just a bit itchy'

'I need to shave' He rubs his hand over the scruff on the lower half of his face.

'No you don't' She hums softly. His amusement wanes because he doesn't know what that means. Is she implying it won't happen again? Implying that she likes the additional hair on his face? 'Does Roe want me to go kiss her?' She murmurs in way of changing the subject.

'She's out for the count, she all but talked herself to sleep'

'Shocker'

'Where's Sawyer?'

'She just finished her homework. I said she could watch tv for half an hour before she goes up'

'Maybe we could play scrabble with her?'

Peyton nods. 'She'd like that'

He smiles. It's infectious because he looks like a puppy dog. She looks away. '...Dinner was ok right?'

'Uhuh. Better than mine according to Roe huh?'

He laughs. 'Aw did that upset you?' He teases because their youngest daughter hadn't been subtle in announcing that her Daddy's food was way better than Mummy's.

'No' She rolls her eyes. 'Not exactly a secret that you're the better cook is it?'

'Wow. Was that a compliment?' He feigns shock.

She widens her eyes at him. 'Want me to take it back?' He laughs again. '...thank you' She looks down. 'For making it'

'No thank you required. Thank you for letting me' She smiles and shakes her head. 'What?'

'Nothing. We're just' She shrugs her shoulders and looks back up at him. Doesn't have to elaborate because he knows. Knows she's amused by their overly polite exchange.

'You found it ok, the dinner?'

'Uhuh. It was nice. The girls enjoyed it' Her head bobs and she migrates toward the sink. Grabs a tea towel on route to dry up the plates that are sat in the dish rack.

He follows. 'Not really what I meant' She knows. '...how was the eating part?'

'Fine. I ate'

'I know you did. How do you feel?'

'Fine'

'Wanna stop doing that and actually talk to me?'

She sighs as he confiscates the rag in her hand. 'What do you want me to say?' She softly wonders. It's not said in the irritated tone he's become acquainted with. It spurs him on.

'I just want to know how you're feeling. Physically. Emotionally. All the things'

'I'm fine' She nods, reaches for the towel. He holds it out of reach.

'...you've never like, made yourself sick right?' Her eyes narrow. 'It's not that insane a question'

'Yes. It is. I don't have an eating disorder. That's not what this is-'

'You have issues with food. That's what an eating disorder-'

'No. It's not the same. It's not fair to people that do have those problems to put me in that same bracket Luke, I promise this isn't that'

'So that's a no then? To puking?'

'No. I've never made myself sick'

'And you're not lying?'

'Lucas-'

'Swear on the kids' lives'

'I swear on the kids' lives' She relents easily. 'Ok?'

'...ok'

She wavers her hand for the towel in his hand. 'You don't need to do that, they'll dry if you leave them' He tosses it on the side behind him.

'Maybe I want to put everything away so it's tidy'

'A first' He snorts. Smiles at her mischievously. 'Teasing' He carries on before she can issue him with an expletive or two.

'No you're not' She crosses her arms.

'No. It is surprisingly tidy in here right now. Has Hales been round?' He continues to rile her. 'Or is it cause you've got so much packed up now that there's nothing for you to make a mess with' He smirks.

'I do bloody clean you know. Not everyone has your ridiculous standards'

'You're right, no one is as perfect as me' He grins. 'Don't pout.'

'Not pouting. Was Roe hard work?'

'Na. About a six' He rates the bedtime routine.

'You were gone a while'

'Yeah. Marriage counselling the stuffed toys' She tilts her head, brow furrowed. 'Apparently Waddles and Monkey want a divorce'

She swallows. Grimaces. '...right'

'But she's gonna make a wish on her birthday cake for that not to happen so apparently we needn't worry... She's decided the fairies are gonna have me come and move into the new house once she's made her wish' Her eyes glaze over. 'It's alright' his hand finds her upper arm.

'...What did you say?' She mutters.

'That maybe it's not down to the fairies to sort out Mummy and Daddy's problems. Of course she had an answer for that one. Apparently grown ups need fairies help like when Peter Pan grew up. I blame you for letting her watch Hook so much' She rubs her hand over her forehead. 'It's alright sweetheart'

'What's gonna happen when the Fairies don't follow through?'

'...they are gonna follow through'

Her face crumples. 'Lucas'

'What? Her Birthday isn't for a good while. I'm down with the fairies helping out. My Birthday isn't that far off maybe I'll use my wish too. Double the power'

'Is that what you said to her?'

'No!' He laughs. 'Don't get pissed' He shakes his head to her frown.

'I'm not pissed. You just, you're making me the big bad wolf'

'I'm not. But let's go with Captain Hook if we're gonna reference a bad guy' He cracks a smile that isn't returned. '...we're working on mending this'

'...I don't get why you keep saying you get how I feel when you clearly don't'

'I do get it I just don't think us being vocal about the fact we're fixing this is the big deal you're making it out to be' He counters.

'And what would you propose we tell them exactly?'

'That we're working on things but it's going to take us a bit of time to get completely back on track'

'Which I'd be happy to do but if we sit them down and tell them that I want to know I can a hundred percent follow through' His brow furrows. 'There's no room for any doubt-'

'There's not though! We can. We are'

'I don't want to spark hope in them and then rip it away. That's just cruel'

'So you don't rip it away. You love me. I love you. Everything else can be fixed with faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust' She rolls her eyes. 'Oh come on that was funny'

'Budding comedian aren't you' She dryly answers. '...I...I just...I don't know that this is completely fixable yet...I know that, that's not what you want to hear that but I...it's so...my head is so...I need to figure shit out and that's not me saying I'm not trying because I am trying. I, I need to figure out some, some things for me and just as much for...you...and I, we, of course we can tell them that we're, what you said, if I, just not, I don't feel ready. I just, I've made so many mistakes with them I don't want to make anymore-'

'We've made mistakes' He can't help but cut off her rambling to correct her. 'It's my fault they overheard us having the divorce row in the first place. I think you would have held off telling them that you wanted that if they hadn't heard us'

'Not how I would've chosen to tell them' She swallows because she's never gonna rid her mind of their faces peeking through the bannisters. Wishes she could go back and clock their presence long before she did. 'But I, I do think I would have pushed to tell them one way or another because at that point I thought I was sure I wanted...that and I had it in my head that the sooner they knew the sooner they could understand that we were splitting up and could start coming to terms with it. I thought it's what I...I wanted everything to be as easy on them as possible but all I've done is fuck up and we can't keep fucking with their emotions' He sighs. Shakes his head. Pinches the bridge of his nose. 'You're angry at me now'

'No' He exhales. 'Frustrated maybe' He looks at her. 'I do understand but I just...' He shakes his head. '...I guess I hate that you seemingly don't have faith in us in the way you use to, in the way that I do. I fucking hate that I've eradicated that'

She shakes her head. 'It, it's not just you' She mutters. 'I know it's me too. A lot me' He grimaces. '...you think I'm enjoying feeling like this?' She whispers because she's sure she's going to start crying if not. 'If I could snap my fingers and just...I would'

He closes the space between them. Draws her into his chest. 'I know'

'I'm trying to, to communicate better and that, that means not standing here and telling you what you want to hear right?' She whispers.

'Of course it does. I always want the truth sweetheart. I don't want you to stand here and lie' He rubs her back.

'...I know I'm fucked up-'

'No-'

'Yes. But I am...trying'

'I know. It's nice to hear you finally say that out loud. You've been skirting around saying that...Roewyn started rambling something about how we should get a tutor so I sort of left it as we have one helping us get along better' Peyton squints up at him. 'Before you get angry, all her. And it's true. Us having a tutor to help us get along isn't a bad thing is it?'

'Mmm. It sound like you've been up there filling her head with fairy tales'

'What's so wrong with fairy tales? They all have happy endings. Even if you don't have complete faith in a lot of things right now I have enough for the both of us. I didn't say we're getting back together I just said we're getting help from a tutor' He murmurs vaguely. 'We could tell them we're going to start doing more things as a family again. That's not us committing that we're definitely going to get back together so to speak, it's us committing to spending time as a family as we should be and if' He makes air quotes. 'Massive hypothetical, never happening "if", we weren't to fix this then we'd still do that right? We'd still spend time together, just the four us. We'd have to. For them. Right?'

'...of course'

'I want them to be reassured about that. There's no harm in that is there?'

'...No'

'Right. So that, that's an idea? You're happy for us to have meals with the every week. This was ok right?'

'...yes'

'Ok' It's a massive win in his eyes. He tries not to grin 'Then we'll do that. Ok?'

She doesn't verbally answer. Her head bobs against his chest. '...I'm sorry about earlier' She mutters after a beat.

'Earlier?' He latches his chin over her head.

'...The laundry-'

'We talked about this' He cuts off and eases back so he can look into her face.

'I know but you didn't and I, it's not...'

'Fair?' He supplies with a smirk. 'I'm not a child that's keeping tabs sweetheart' Her eyes skitter up to his then. 'You think it'd make me feel good if you make yourself? You did that before and for the record it wasn't appreciated. That makes me feel sick...'

'...I'm sorry. I...I know'

'Do you? Because you seemed to say something different in our counselling session'

She shakes her head. Frowns.'...I know I was just being...a dick and was just...upset about' Her shoulders shrug. 'All sorts of things... I know you wanted, I know you were...upset after that'

He smiles sadly. 'I shouldn't have pounced on you earlier I just, it means a lot to me that you're wearing your wedding rings and I couldn't help it...' She presses her lips together. 'And I don't really think you minded all that much in the moment... Are you blushing again Peyton Scott?' He laughs.

'No'

'You so are, I'm on a roll'

'You wanted to play scrabble with Sawyer' She announces abruptly.

'Yes. I did. Do' He laughs again.

'We should do that then'

'We should'

She rolls her eyes and turns away from him. 'Come on then'

'I'm not letting you win though' He trails after her.

'Ha' She looks back at him over his shoulder. 'Does me being reigning champion distress you that much that you have to kid yourself that you "let" me win?' She does air quotes. He smirks.

'You cheat'

She comes to a grinding halt then. Turns back to face him. Hands on hips. 'I. Do. Not. Cheat. Ever' He laughs. 'Take that back!'

'What are you two doing?'

The commotion has drawn Sawyer out into the hall.

'Daddy wants to play scrabble'

'And you're arguing about who's gonna win already?' Sawyer smirks because the scene before her is a familiar one.

'Not arguing honey' Peyton smiles at her daughter. 'Just correcting. Daddy just gets upset because he's Mr Writer'

'Well I think I can beat both of you' Sawyer sassily declares. Lucas' brow raises because it doesn't feel that long ago that the child before him had always begged to team up with one of them to increase her odds of winning. 'I beat Mum last time' His stare flits to Peyton.

'She's gotten scarily good' Peyton admits with a proud smile. 'It's really annoying' Sawyer giggles and that sound has both her parents' smiles broadening.

'Well she's not beaten the master yet'

'Mum is the master Dad'

'Cause I let her think she is kiddo'

Peyton shoves at him then and he laughs and runs ahead. 'Come on you two! If you're lucky I might give you some tips!'

•••

'How are you?'

'Ok' His head bobs 'Peyton-'

'Ok I'm going to cut you off there. Why don't you see if you can lead your answer with I instead of the P word for a little while' His brow furrows with Moira's words. 'And I know that's going to be hard for you'

'You don't want me to talk about-'

'Don't say her name' Moira wags her finger, her smile teasing.

'I'm here to talk about us-'

'Yes but us seems to be her and there's a fundamental problem with that. Of course you're here to talk about her but you're also here for yourself and putting yourself before her especially in our private sessions isn't a crime Lucas. You have needs. She's not the only one that's been struggling'

'I know that'

'Do you? Because I've carefully been observing you and it seems as though you bundle all your energy into trying to make things better for her. We touched on this last week didn't we? Have you thought about that anymore?'

'Yes. I can see that I might smother her'

'I haven't suggested that you smother her' Moira shakes her head.

'I've come to that conclusion myself'

'Why do you think that?'

'Well I, I do want to always make things better for her like you just said but, but sometimes you can't take away anger can you? You just have to let someone feel those emotions and be there when they want you and I, I don't think I was very good at letting her be angry. I, I tried to stop her from being angry' He nods. '...I'm her husband...I'm grateful for everything you, you're doing for her but I can't say there's not a part of me that wishes I could've helped her without you' A wane smile touches his lips.

'I'll try not to be offended' Moira teases.

'I've become aware in recent months that I definitely have a bit of a possessive, jealous streak.'

'It makes sense that you're feeling that way when your relationship has been so up in the air so to speak'

'Mmm'

'And I think it's natural that you feel upset by her talking to me and not you. However please try and remind yourself that sometimes strong emotions are hard to deal with, It can be hard to explain how we're feeling when we're overwhelmed or not really understanding our own emotions. It can be especially hard to try and convey that with the ones we love most'

'Especially when they're the idiot that made it all ten times worse. I'm the root cause of so much of what she's feeling'

'You're the reason your baby died?'

'No-'

'You're the reason she's been suffering with depression?'

'No but like I said, I can see that I smothered her'

'You've been in a relationship for a substantial amount of time Lucas. Do you not think Peyton would have been able to determine that you were merely concerned about her and trying to help if she'd been feeling like herself?'

He ponders this. '...yes...' He nods. 'Yes. She would have' He decides more decisively.

'In the aftermath of losing Finley what would've made you feel better do you think?'

'...If she'd cried on my shoulder. If we'd cried together. If she'd let me hold her and look after her. But she was angry and I, the more I tried to make things better the more she pushed me away and just shutdown'

'And how were you feeling?'

'...Sad. Helpless...I mean angry too. Of course angry...'

'Did you tell her you were feeling anger too? That you were finding it difficult?'

'...no...I...I guess she's not wrong in that sometimes I probably don't confide in her enough about what I'm feeling...' He sighs.

'Why do you think you find it hard to confide in her when you're feeling down?'

'...I think it's maybe something that's increased more over time probably because of the taking care of her thing...I've seen her get hurt over and over and I, I guess I don't want to put anything unnecessary on her. It's not like she thinks though, it's not cause I don't think she's capable of handling it. She's the strongest person I know I just...' He shakes his head. 'I love her so much. I've always wanted to give her everything. I, I've always had this, this idea of what my family would be like, how it would be so different to the one I had growing up. Not cause my Mum wasn't the best because she was but I saw how hard things were for her sometimes. I never wanted things to be hard for Peyton but they...' He sighs. '...I tried really hard to prevent...I can't control everything'

'No you can't. You can't prevent her from facing trials, just like you can't prevent yourself from facing trials...the beauty is you have each other to face them with. Have you considered that perhaps taking care of her as you call it could entail her taking care of you back? Your feelings are important. Maybe allowing her to do that would make her feel needed as you desire to feel needed?'

'She thinks I don't need her?' He frowns.

'I didn't say that'

'Has she said that?' Moira uncrosses her legs and recrosses them. Doesn't say anything. 'It annoys me when you do that' He mumbles.

'What?' She smiles.

'Don't answer'

'Why didn't I answer?'

'Because anything she tells you is confidential' He sighs. Scrapes his hand through his hair. 'And I get it. I do. But surely it's different when we're having joint sessions with you too'

'This is a safe space. And trust is key. I'd never jeopardise that. If there's something either of you have said that I think either of you should hear I'd bring it up in our joint session'

'Mm. I know' He grumbles. '...I need her. I think I'm more than vocal about that all the time...I guess maybe when I've tried to talk to her about Finley maybe I've focused more on how she feels and not about how I feel...' He ponders. Presses his lips together. '...When it...when it was happening I...has she talked about how ill she was when we had Sawyer?'

'Yes'

'It...it really was touch and go. She, she made me promise that if at any point it came down to her or the baby then I had to choose the baby...' He swallows thickly. 'I promised her but I didn't bloody mean it for a second' He shook his head. 'I...that makes me an awful father and husband doesn't it?'

'No Lucas. Of course it doesn't. If you were in a situation now with your daughters and Peyton where their lives were all on the line who would you prioritise?'

'The girls. Of course the girls' His head bobs.

'Right' Moira murmurs. 'It's very understandable how you'd feel differently prior to your child coming into the world if issued with the difficult decision of save your wife or baby'

'But it's not different is it? Not really. And Peyton she, she's never seen it as different. If it had come down to that then I don't think she'd ever have forgiven me for not keeping my word'

'None of that happened though Lucas so I don't think you should ponder too much over it. There's no saying how you would've reacted really. Even though you don't think you would've followed through with her wishes there's no saying you wouldn't have in that moment'

'Mm...I really don't think I would've though. With Finley when they told me he was...I just, initially I just felt relief' He puts his hands in his hair. 'Not because he was gone. Of course not cause he was gone. I don't think I even acknowledged that at first. I felt relief because she was ok. That she was going to be fine. Because at first the Doctors were acting like she wasn't going to be ok'

'That must've been hard'

'That day is all kind of a blur. I think I compartmentalised everything about Finley initially because I just needed to focus on her. And then when she woke up...' He licks his lips. 'She had to give birth to him...' he shakes his head. 'I was so relieved that she was still here but also' He shakes his head. 'I've never been more angry at the world than I was in the moment that the Doctor told us she had to do that and god she, she just, she got on with it. I mean she didn't have a choice but I just, you'd forgive anyone for being a bloody mess in that moment but she wasn't...' He stands. Walks to the window. '...When you've been in a relationship for so long I think it's, it's pretty easy to preempt how someone is gonna react to certain things'

Moira nods. 'However people we know most can still take us by surprise even if it might be a rarity. Her reaction that day wasn't as you'd have expected then I take it?'

'She just, I was blown away by how sort of methodical she was. She was such a bloody warrior...But in retrospect I, I sort of think that she thought if she could just get her hands on him she could will him back to life. Like everyone around her was lying...' There's a lump in the back of his throat. '...and then she held him and she stayed stoic. It was only when they came to take him away that she faltered and it was then as I took him from her that I, I really realised' He blinks. 'That he was my little boy. That he wasn't coming home...he looked a lot like Sawyer had. She'd been a scrawny thing too' He smiles sadly. '...taking him out of her arms is the worst thing I've ever had to do, it felt like I was the one ripping him away from her...I know that's stupid but that's, that's what it felt like...We didn't deserve to lose him'

'No. You didn't' Moira confirms. 'It's not fair. And I'm so sorry'

'...my niece was born a month or so after we lost him...she's such a smart little thing. Whenever I look at her or see Peyton with her I just...' His brow furrows. 'Get angry. Because our son is meant to be walking around beside her. Meant to be trying to do all the things that she can already do and no doubt failing because I swear she's the cleverest kid on the planet'

Moira smiles. 'It must've been hard for you to watch your brother and sister-in-law going through all the motions that you should've been'

He nods. 'Still is...she's pregnant again and of course I'm happy for them but there's this underlying...I don't know what do you call it? Jealousy'

'I wouldn't call it that'

'Good cause that makes me an ass doesn't it?'

'You're not an ass Lucas. You'd have to be invincible not to have those thoughts in my eyes'

'...Peyton acts as though she's not affected'

'Do you think that's really how she feels?'

'No. I know full well it bothers her'

'And you've called her out?'

'Yes'

'Have you considered sharing how angry you've felt? Whilst I understand your reasoning for trying to brush aside your own feelings of anger I don't think that's benefited you or her necessarily'

'...she's shut me down so many times'

'But like you've highlighted, previously her feelings have been at the centre of your conversation. Not yours. If she does that this time we can dissect it in a joint session. How about that?'

'...I'll try' He sighs. 'She's definitely been more...forthcoming maybe in the last week I think but I, I do think I feel scared of stressing her out...especially now with the panic attacks and this food thing'

'You're scared your honesty will add fuel to that?'

'I guess. I think because I've been in the dark about it and I, I just had no idea. I'm just, I'm scared she's lying you know? I've never felt like that. I, I know she doesn't exactly bloody trust me right now and that's not exactly a great surprise but I, I don't trust her either in a sense. She's had all these secrets. Again I know I'm not one to talk but I, it's no different really is it? We've sort of done the same thing just in different ways. I mean that's stupid and not exactly accurate but I just mean-'

'I don't think it's stupid. You have done similar things in different ways...I think you've both felt intense grief. Both felt lost. Both felt helpless. Both felt out of control and from where I'm sat you both seem to be trying to grapple for control in different ways'

He turns back to the counsellor then. 'You think I'm controlling?'

'No. I didn't say that. Is that what you think?'

'I think maybe after Lindsey I thought bullheadedness would get her to reason with me' He rolls his eyes.

'Can you give some examples?'

'I all but held her hostage in my Mum's office when she took off her wedding rings. That's the day she told me she wanted a divorce. I said some horrible things to her that I didn't even mean and threw a lot of things. I rocked up drunk at the house one night and told her I was coming home. Told her we weren't getting divorced. The kids overheard. She had to go and deal with all their questions whilst I passed out on the sofa. Not my finest hour' He shakes his head. Sighs. 'I picked the girls up from my brother's one afternoon without telling her. Took them to the beach. Didn't answer my phone when she rang' He looks down shamefully. 'I don't know why I bloody did that. I knew she'd be worried...I don't know what I thought that was going to achieve'

'We can do silly things when we're desperate Lucas'

'I know, I think I sort of went through a short period of trying my bloody hardest to piss her off. And then, well I went to my first gambling meeting and slowly I, I began to take responsibility' He nods. 'Began to realise that me being an ass was not working'

'So you surrendered all control to her?'

He smiles. '...Maybe something like that. I think the bullheaded guy is in there still don't get me wrong. I just, I'm trying to keep him in check'

'I'd encourage you to avoid locking her in rooms' Moira smiles teasingly. 'On a serious note I've only seen you be reasonable and levelheaded in this room'

'...thanks...' He sighs. '...I think I, I am a calm, patient person naturally...'

'I'd agree with that. When I said I think you've both been grappling for control I was specifically meaning your behaviours before everything came to a culmination. Your recklessness with your finances and the gambling. That was all about trying to control the situation no?'

'Mmm'

'You seemed to get so wrapped up in that that the possible negative impacts of your behaviour didn't seem to even occur to you'

'It, it didn't. Which is weird isn't it?'

'I think it just emphasises how you were desperately trying to control the situation. Losing wasn't an option and that focus allowed you to better control your own emotions and helped you in trying to control Peyton's too because you believed you could eradicate her feelings with more money right?'

'...I mean I don't think I actually thought that in my head so to speak but yeah, I think that's what it was about essentially'

'And all the while she was desperately trying to be in control by trying to block out her emotions but I think it's safe to say she didn't have anymore room under that rug she likes to brush things under huh?'

'...No' A sad smile touches his lips.

'I think you're more than capable of handling however she reacts to whatever you have to say. I don't think you should be scared of sharing your feelings with her or asking things of her. Of depending on her. She might even surprise you'

'...she did tell me she's trying the other day which did feel somewhat like a miracle. The knot in my chest eased a little'

Moira smiles. 'Baby steps huh?'

'Mm. You think we're gonna come back from this right? That she'll forgive me?'

'...I think I see a great deal of love. I think she needs to forgive herself just as much as she needs to forgive you. And I think you need to do the same. I think you need to stop feeling responsible for every little thing. Yes you're accountable for some significant failings in your marriage but a marriage is made of two people. She's accountable for some things too'

•••

He watches her. She keeps jiggling her leg. 'You ok?'

'Mmm'

'What're you thinking? He softly wonders.

'Nothing'

He narrows his eyes at her. 'Liar'

'That I want to leave' Peyton mumbles. Her eyes skittering around the waiting room self consciously. 'But I know you're not gonna let me'

'No. I'm not' He reaches for her hand. Squeezes. 'But I understand that this is hard'

'Peyton Scott?' Her name being called ends their conversation.

She's quick to rise. Wants it over with as quick as possible. He trails behind her into the Doctor's office.

'Hi Peyton'

'Hi' She smiles. 'Oh this is Lucas'

'Husband' He's sure to announce and holds his hand out to the woman before her.

'Nice meet you Lucas'

'You too'

'How've you been Peyton?'

'Ok'

'Yeah?' Lucas bites his tongue. 'Has the Xanax been helping?'

'I think a bit maybe' Her head bobs slowly.

'But the attacks haven't completely stopped?'

'No...I've had a few'

'Have you been documenting them like we talked about?'

'Mmm' Peyton fumbles with her phone then and produces a calendar that his eyes are quick to analyse as she relays details to the Doctor before him. He's quick to summarise that the little purple dots symbolise panic attacks.

'It seems like they've eased a bit since our last chat'

'Yes'

'Are you having other symptoms?' The Doctor investigates.

'Lucas wanted to...' She sighs. 'I passed out last week'

'Right-'

'But I...' She sighs again. 'I know why so I, I'm sorry I feel like we're wasting your time he just...'

'You're not wasting my time. When you say you passed out can you describe a bit more what happened?'

'I'd been drinking. I'd not eaten much and I just, I felt dizzy and then next thing I know I'm gone'

'Drinking?'

'I know. I shouldn't be doing that and I won't again. He wanted to...I don't know, what do you want from this?'

He ignores her panicked green eyes. 'I didn't know she was taking Xanax. I was understandably concerned when she keeled over without warning. I just wanted to talk to the person that prescribed these. I just, I'm, she's not been eating much and I'm worried that the drinking isn't the only reason she passed out. I guess I just want her checked over'

'Right, well I can understand why you're concerned Lucas. Have you not had much of an appetite Peyton?'

'I just...have been stressed'

'There's more going on there than stress' Lucas pipes up again.

'Luke-'

'I want her to check you over and think she needs to know all the details ok?' He looks directly at Peyton then. 'I know this isn't an easy subject for you but I need to know you're completely healthy. For you. For the girls. And for me' Her nostrils flare. He turns back to the Doctor because if he continues to regard her he's going to give into her distress. 'She's speaking to a counsellor and we're having joint sessions too. I don't think she's eating enough right now. I just want her checked over physically, you know?'

'Right, of course. I'm glad you're talking to a counsellor now Peyton. Therapy is really important. I know it might seem minute but the record of panic attacks you just showed me is less than when you were last here right?'

'Yeah' Peyton admits.

'These things can stop overnight sure but that is more of a rarity. I know you weren't keen on taking any medication of any form to begin with. Do you feel like it's helped you a bit though?'

'I don't know. If I, I guess sometimes they feel helpful if I feel like I'm preempting a panic attack you know? But sometimes I'm taken off guard and then it, well sometimes it's felt a bit like a sedative'

'Mmm I see. That makes sense. I can see how much easier it is to try and ward off attacks when you know they're coming. Do you feel like therapy is helping?'

'I like her. We're talking through a lot of things'

'That's good. Hopefully through doing that you'll get to a point where you don't need the meds. I'm sure it'll help you in giving you the tools to move past what's causing this. I know it can be easy to just pop a pill in fear of an attack happening but that's not what I've prescribed these for. It's important that you only take them when you need to and I know you know you definitely can't be drinking with them'

'I know. I know it was stupid' She mutters.

'I want to do some blood tests though just to be on the safe side and make sure nothing else is going on. Does that sound ok?'

'Mmm'

'Perfect' Lucas's head bobs enthusiastically with the Doctor's suggestion.

She smiles. 'Well then. I'll set that up now and then I'll give you a call to follow up with the results of that. Does that sound ok Peyton?'

'Uhuh. Thank you'

•••

She sits down on the wall.

'Ok?'

'...yes'

'I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to do that. I know you're probably feeling like you're being ganged up on and that, that's so not my intention. I just-'

'I know' She interrupts.

He squints at her. Sits down beside her. 'You're not pissed with me?'

She sighs. Runs her finger along the brick wall they're sat on. 'I'm sorry I've made you...worried about me' He reaches out and pushes her hair back behind her ear.

'That wasn't No, I'm not pissed at you' He murmurs.

Her eyes flicker to him. 'I'm always pissed at you' She widens her eyes. He smiles at the familiar jesting expression on her face.

'Ok let me reword that. Are you pissed at me for in there?'

'...no' She sighs.

'Good. Thank you for doing that for me'

She nods. '...Remember when we found out he was a boy here?'

'Of course I do. You were the one that wanted to wait until he was born but you lasted all of to the parking lot'

'You wanted to know'

'That's why you caved?'

'Of course it is. I didn't care what he was going to be'

'Nor did I'

'You wanted a boy' She disputes.

'No-'

'Uhuh'

'No. I mean I just thought it might be nice you know? But if he'd have been girl you know I'd have been just as over the moon. You know that doesn't matter to me. You were so certain he was gonna be a girl' He smirks. 'And your face' He laughs.

'My face? You cried'

'Yes' He smiles. 'So did you' Her abrupt sob that follows a moment later takes him off guard because she'd just been smiling herself. 'Hey' He draws her into his side.

'I'm s-sor-sorry'

'Shh'

'I'm b-being st-stup-id'

'No you're not'

'Yes. I a-am! I d-don't e-even kn-know why I-I'm cry-crying'

'What were you just thinking?'

'We were s-so h-happy' She blurts.

'Yeah' He murmurs into her hair. Rubs her back.

'I'm being st-stupid'

'No you're not' He grips her tighter. 'You need to cry for him'

'You don't think I've c-cried?' She looks up into his face then.

'Not with me you've not. He was ours'

'I'm s-sorry'

'You don't need to be sorry' He closes his eyes. Revels in the way her hands latch around his torso, how she's suddenly clinging onto him so fiercely. Revels in the sob that's muffled into his chest because quite frankly it's long, long overdue. His own eyes well. He rests his chin on top of her head. Considers confiding in her in the way Moira had urged him to but it doesn't feel right when she's already a hot mess. So he says nothing. Just holds her all the tighter.

•••

'Roewyn come on. Sit down' Peyton taps the table top again.

'I'm done'

'You've not even started Roe Boat' Lucas smiles because they've been here enough times for both adults to know which direction this is going in.

'I've got to practice-'

'You've practiced your dance enough times' Peyton interrupts. 'You need to do your homework otherwise we can't go to your dance recital cause we're not going to have time after'

The seven year old crosses her arms then. 'I can't miss my dance recital Mummy!'

'Well you're not going to cause you're gonna sit down and do your homework aren't you?' Lucas murmurs, patting the seat beside him. 'Come on, I'm helping'

She sighs exaggeratedly before stomping back over to the table.

'Let's take this off a minute' Peyton catches her before she sits down and tugs the tutu around her waist down as she preempts the white, puffy fabric getting covered in ink. Roewyn huffs dramatically but steps out of the skirt. 'You don't want it getting dirty before your dance hey?'

'I can put on my old one whilst I-'

'I think we can do homework without you in a tutu sweetheart' Lucas takes action and tugs her onto the seat beside him before she goes off in search of another outfit. 'Right' He taps the worksheet in front of them. 'You need to pick something that lives under the sea to write about'

'A Rhino'

'A Rhino lives under the sea?' Peyton arches her brow, hand on hip because she knows full well their daughter knows the habitat of said animal.

'They like mud'

'Right, not the ocean' Lucas patiently answers.

'But I wanna do the project on Rhinos' She pouts.

'That's not gonna work though is it?' Peyton has sat down the other side of her now. 'You're doing an under the sea project at school aren't you?'

'...mmm. Maybe my Rhino is different. Just cause she wasn't born under the sea doesn't, doesn't mean she, she can't go in the, the seas if, if she wants to. I wasn't born under, under the sea but I'm allowed under the sea if I, I want to'

Lucas catches Peyton eyes. Bites his lip.

'Rhinos don't typically live anywhere near the sea though. They're not like humans. They can't just jump on an aeroplane and go on holiday'

'Well that's rude' Peyton laughs. 'It's not funny Mummy. That's not right'

'Well I don't really think they'd enjoy getting a flight honey. Come on. Focus. What do you want to do it on?'

'A mermaid'

Lucas rolls his eyes. Knows by the mischievous glint in her eye that she knows all too well that that's not an option either. 'You know you can't do it on a mermaid' He tries to sound stern. 'Come on, just hurry up and pick something. A whale would be cool. Or an octopus'

'A seahorse' Peyton joins him in making suggestions. 'A shark. A sting ray'

'A starfish. A killer whale'

'No' Roewyn shakes her head.

'Oh I know' Peyton excitedly hums. 'You're gonna love this one' She's got her phone out and opens a browser. 'How about a...' she pauses for dramatic effect before spinning the phone screen around. 'A beluga whale!'

'Oh yeah' Lucas agrees enthusiastically. 'Look at them! They're so cute'

Roewyn inspects the array of images she's just been issued with. '...he's real?'

'Uhuh. Look he's smiling at you'

'...he's...funny' Roewyn smiles. 'Be-luuu-ga' She annunciates the three syllables.

'Beluga' Both Peyton and Lucas chant in unison.

'You wanna do it on the Beluga Whale?' Lucas crosses both of his fingers and holds them up high for Peyton's benefit as they both wait with bated breath.

'...yes on the Beluga whale'

'Hallelujah!' He sings in jubilation. Peyton shoots him a little warning glare and bats her hand because she's half anticipating his celebration to put their daughter off her decision. Lord knows their enthusiasm has done just that in the past. He takes it down a notch. 'That's a good choice Roe'

'I know'

'Right so, you've got to draw your chosen creature here' His indicates on the bit of paper. 'And then write four facts about it'

'He's called Wavey. He likes dancing. He lives in a cave. He's 7 years old like me'

Peyton smiles. 'What's a fact Roe?'

'...something real' She grumbles.

'Right. We're not making up a story about a Beluga whale. You need to find out some real facts about them'

'Can I draw him first'

'Why don't we do the facts first so it's done' Lucas hums because he knows she'll happily stay put drawing.

Roewyn sighs. 'Shall we have a break first?'

Lucas laughs. 'I don't think we've done enough to have a break yet' He looks at Peyton then. 'Didn't you have a bit of work you wanted to get done?'

'Mmm'

'I've got this. You go'

'You sure?'

'Uhuh'

'Ok. You be good for Daddy' She waggles her finger at their daughter. 'Cause no homework, no dance'

'You're not being very kind Mummy'

She smiles. 'No? I've been trying very kindly to get you to sit down and do this all morning madam'

'I've been busy'

'Yeah busy being a pest'

'How rude!'

'She's gonna be as good as gold now aren't you?' Lucas widens his eyes at her.

'Yup. I'm always good as gold. You need to go and do your own work Mummy' She waves her hand to shoo Peyton away.

'Ok, I know when I'm not wanted' She smiles. 'No nonsense' Threatens one last time as she leaves them to it.

Roewyn cleverly waits until she hears Peyton's studio door open before she looks back up at Lucas. 'So shall we have a break now?'

'Roewyn Harper Scott' He chastises.

'I'm kidding, I'm kidding'

'Mhmm. You better be. Right let's find fact number one'

•••

'You guys are being different' Brooke announces as she perches herself on Peyton's desk.

'Huh? B, you're in the way' She grumbles.

Brooke shifts a little but doesn't make much effort in moving. 'You heard'

'Heard but don't know what you're on about'

'Did something happen?'

'Happen' Peyton echos.

'Wanna stop repeating me and actually talk to me?'

'I've only got half an hour before we have to leave B' She whines as the brunette snatches her paint brush away.

'Like you're gonna finish this in that time'

'Not with you in the room!'

'Something has happened!'

'No. It hasn't' Peyton disagrees.

'You're a terrible liar. I was just in the hall while you were in the kitchen'

'Eavesdropping what a surprise! You know most people knock when they arrive at someone else's house!'

'I don't count'

'That key is for emergencies'

'You're completely avoiding the question'

'Brooke' Peyton squints at her friend. 'Stop!' Peyton complains. 'We're going to Roe's recital. The whole family is. You're here because we're all going I don't know what the big deal is'

'There's no big deal at all' Brooke agrees as she crosses her arms with a little smile. 'No one here is suggesting anything is a big deal'

'So quit with the questions. Therapy is hard enough as it is without you analysing my every move'

'I'm not' Brooke disagrees. 'You're being very cagey!'

'Because I'm being interrogated!'

'That's what this is? I'm having a chat. I'm merely observing that out there, you guys were like...normal' Is the best word she can summon. 'Helping Roe with her homework'

'We're her parents. Kinda what you do'

'So nothing has happened between you guys?'

Peyton exhales in exasperation. 'We've been talking through a lot of shit at therapy'

'That's good. Not what I meant'

'I know what you meant'

'Uhuh. So why not give me the juicy details if there are any?' Peyton looks at her through narrowed eyes. 'No? Fine. You're no fun at all'

'Did you call Julian yet?' Peyton suddenly fires at her. 'I sent you his number'

'I was ignoring that text'

'Oh I'd noticed' Peyton smiles falsely. 'You should text him. Or like I said before I can set up something' Brooke shakes her head. 'I dunno why you're being so weird about it-'

'He likes you. I was your seconds once before thanks'

'You were never that. He's barely met you. You can't hold that against him' Peyton bickers.

'He asked me if you were dating P. He's into you-'

'But we've talked about it ok? It, it's not been weird. He's not tried anything with me since we talked at the baby shower. It's purely work'

'That doesn't mean he's not still into you. You're just clueless'

Peyton sighs. 'Even if that is the case I'm not interested...nothing is going to happen ok? Not now, not ever'

'Cause you're getting back with your husband?'

'We're not talking about me'

'God forbid we do that'

Peyton snorts. 'Pot calling kettle black much?'

Brooke sighs. '...I just want someone to like me you know? To ask me. I, I know you're gonna say it shouldn't have to be that way round and of course it doesn't but it's always me that's asking and it, it never goes anywhere and I just...I appreciate what you're trying to do but...'

'I get it'

'Yeah?'

'Of course I do...but I still think you can't rule him out because he's not exactly spent the most time with you. I'll just keep asking him to stuff so you can get to know each other better. How about that? Not a date, just he happens to be places' Peyton murmurs. Brooke gives her a wane look. 'Like when I move into the new house, I'll have a little new home gathering and a Christmas party and stuff'

The brunette ponders her friend's words. '...he is cute'

'Uhuh' Peyton smiles. 'And he's really gonna like you B, how could he not?'

Brooke rolls her eyes and shakes her head. 'You have to say that. You're my best friend'

'Uhuh. But it's also true'

'...have you and Luke been talking about your issues with food?'

Peyton's eyes skitter back to her work. She retrieves her paintbrush back. '...did he tell you that?'

'No. I know he has exactly the same concerns as I do when it comes to you though. We love you. Of course we've talked about it'

Peyton sighs. '...I'm, I'm fine and I'm, he...I've talked to him ok? So just, can we not?'

'...you've talked to him about why you don't eat?'

'I do eat' Peyton shifts uncomfortably.

'You fainted the other week P. That scared the fuck out of me' Brooke hisses. Confiscates the paint brush again. 'Is still scaring the fuck out of me'

'...I'm sorry'

'You bloody should be! You have to look after yourself. Don't you know how much you're needed-'

'You don't need to tell me I'm a bad mother. I'm already aware-'

'Oh my god that is not what I'm saying!' Brooke interrupts. 'At. All. Honey come on, you're a wonderful Mum'

'...I don't really think so right now. I've fucked so many things up'

Brooke swallows. 'Nobody is perfect and god so many of the things you're talking about have been out of your control...You haven't been well P. You can acknowledge that right?'

She presses her lips together. '...I know I haven't exactly been myself since we lost Finley' Her stare finds the window. Watches the branches of the trees that line the backyard sway slightly in the wind. '...I don't like how everyone is implying I'm not well. I'm accountable for things just as much as he is. I do know that really' She mutters.

Brooke smiles sadly. Reaches for the blonde's hand that's resting on her desk. '...I think maybe there was a time where you didn't see it that way...'

'...I don't know. I, I think I've felt guilty for everything for a long time even if I've not said that out loud. It's just his actions you can see...more on the surface...you know?'

'Yes'

'I know the whole of Tree Hill thinks I'm a crazy bitch. That Lucas Scott worships me, that I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. That it was one night and I should just be able to let it go'

'No one thinks you should just be able to do anything honey'

'You know if it was the other way round I'd be a cheating whore and yet he's the poor grieving man that was trying to go above and beyond for his wife. It's my fault for pushing him to it'

'No one thinks that'

'Don't they? I went in the dry cleaners the other day and the woman in there more or less said just that. You know the one Karen use to work with?'

Brooke bats her hand. 'That old bat is a busy body that doesn't know anything. She likes gossip. That's all. Anyone that knows either of you, really knows you does not think this is your fault'

'...you want us to work this out as much as the next person. I know you.'

'...I think you should do what you want. That's all I want...but see as much as I'm mad at him for what he did I do know he'd never have done that if he were in his right mind...I'm not trying to excuse it. Not for a second. There's no excuse but there is an explanation just like there's an explanation as to why you've been feeling so unlike yourself...I know that your heart is still very much his. I know that despite everything if he rang you and like really needed you you'd drop everything and be there in a heartbeat...I think you're angry that his actions haven't stopped you feeling like that because he's broke your trust and hurt you...but what do I know?'

'...I just, you know I could let go of almost anything...I mean he took money that was ours, that we'd spent ten years saving, our kids savings, he threw all that away and I, I was hurt and scared but I, I think I'd forgiven it by the next morning because it's just money... Lindsey...I know I, I'd shut him out. I know I, I 'd pushed him into her arms that night...' She scrapes her hand through her hair. '...It's, it's just a hard thing for me to just let go of' She nods. 'I yo-yo'

'And I think that's completely understandable P. This isn't an instant fix kind of situation. You're both getting help and talking and out there' She nods to the door. 'You're doing what you should be doing; being with your girls together. That's all that matters right now. I think you've got hung up on thinking about everything long term. You've had to make choices about houses and stuff because of your financial position but other choices aren't governed by any time restraint. But Dance Recitals do have a start time and I think we're gonna be late if we don't leave pronto' She murmurs as she catches sight of the clock on the wall.

Peyton's stare swivels to said clock. 'Fuck' She springs up. 'How'd that happen? She can't bloody miss this she'll never talk to me again'

'She's not going to with a racing driver as her Mumma' Brooke chirps as she follows the blonde.

'Hey I'm a good driver!'

'Never said you weren't'

•••

'Dad!' Sawyer moans as he steals one of her fries. He grins at her and she rolls her eyes in answer.

He waits a few moments before making his younger daughter his target.

'Daddy!' Roewyn scowls and looks up at him in outrage.

'Sharing is caring girls'

'It's my prize!'

'Uhuh and prizes are always enjoyed so much more when you enjoy them with others. You wouldn't want Sawyer to have missed out would you?' He settles his hands on the older child's shoulders and drops a kiss to her head.

'No but she's got her own! You coulda got one but you and Mummy pretend you don't like it when really you do' She states matter of factly as she dunks a chicken nugget into her ketchup.

Lucas laughs at her observation because she's not altogether wrong.

'Has a point' Sawyer murmurs with a sly grin.

'All right know-it-alls. I won't steal anymore of your fries' He turns his attention to Peyton because it's unlike her not to chime in and tell him to stop eating their kids' dinners. She's seemingly distracted by the work surface, peering at her calendar. Pen predictably in mouth. He's lost count of how many times his hand has retrieved a writing article to find it wet from a visit to his darling wife's mouth. 'Whatcha doing?' She doesn't answer. 'Peyton?'

'Huh?'

He smiles because she's doing that thing with her nose where it crinkles and her lips keep twitching and he knows she's trying to make some calculation. 'What're you trying to work out?'

'Just work deadlines and moving dates and the girls timetable and when I'm going to have time to do anything' She scribbles something down in one of the already full little squares. Hunches over the counter more as she does so. Her small movement has his eyes trail down to her jean clad ass where they linger for a moment before flickering back to the girls. They're still eating but Sawyer is simultaneously helping her younger sister make something out of the McDonalds happy meal boxes. Assured that they're seemingly distracted he saddles up beside his wife and lets his hand rest on her lower back before sliding it down to her backside.

Her eyes predictably swivel to him. He smiles at the glare he's being issued with.

'I was thinking the Wednesday might be better for that' He ignores what her expressive eyes are so clearly saying and looks over her shoulder at the calendar she'd just been analysing.

'Lucas' Her exhale is terse.

'What? You think the Friday?' He continues to talk gibberish because in reality he has no clue what she'd just been writing. His words are simply for the children's ears.

'Stop it' She quietly utters.

'I'm helping you work it out'

He pinches her ass hard then. It has her jolting away. Her knees hit the sideboard before her and her scuffling movement is consequently what does garner the children's attention.

She forces a bright smile. Drops her pen. Points to it.

Lucas bites his lip in amusement at her poor effort to explain her sudden movements.

'Mummy what're you doing?' Roewyn enquires.

'Pen. Dropped it'

'So clumsy' Lucas chassises and hops around the work surface to retrieve said pen. 'Here'

'Thank you' she tightly answers, snatching the item back. 'Are you two finished eating yet?'

'We're making a den for Batman' Roewyn proudly shows off the work in progress.

'That's cool honey. Why don't you both go find him. I think he was last in the laundry basket having a snooze'

'In a sec'

'Come on Roe. That was code for she wants to talk to Dad. Alone' Sawyer knowingly declares, yanking her sister away from the table.

'No it wasn't' Peyton hollers after them.

'...It wasn't?' Lucas asks after a beat. His smile in tact.

'What was that?' She hisses.

'Hmm' He ponders. 'Well I've not seen you in jeans in a while. Your ass looks good. Especially when you're bending over and shoving it in my face'

She shakes her head. 'So not what I was doing. The girls were right there'

'Uhuh. Not the one that made a song and dance about it. You're the one that made a scene by scrambling away. Is that your only problem? That they were over there' He approaches her and she backs up around the kitchen island.

'Stay' She holds her hands out to keep him at bay and he laughs.

'Not a dog'

'Stop' She whines as he continues to shadow her.

'Why?'

'Cause'

'Cause what?' His smile grows because he's essentially like a prowling tiger chasing it's prey.

'Cause I said so! I'm trying to figure out my schedule'

He halts. Stare flits back to the work top where the calendar has been abandoned.

'Ok. Come on then' She watches him dubiously as he returns to the calendar. 'Pen' He blindly extends his hand to her. Wavers it when she doesn't surrender the writing tool immediately. She rolls her eyes before handing it over. Squints suspiciously because she's sure he has ulterior motives. 'Ew' He grimaces, his fingers retracting from the top of the pen where it's all chewed up and wet. His eyes find hers then. She's smiling in amusement. He shakes his head. 'Not funny. So gross' He shakes his hand dramatically as though it's been compromised.

'Serves you right'

'Get over here. Right so see these days where you have about 100 things written in one box? See what you do, it's real simple. You pick up the phone and you call me and I'll deal with anything you can't do' He scribbles "Call my darling husband" down the side of the grid of squares in capitals.

'Oh thank you that solves everything' Her voice is dripping in sarcasm.

'Yup. It does. Easy peasy' He adds several exclamation points and underlines his scrawled words.

'Lucas you can't get the girls to two different places at the same time'

'I'm a man of many talents'

'You can teleport?'

'I'll get Mum to-'

'Your Mum works too-'

'So if she can't I'll employ Nate or Hales or Brooke or Skills or something. It's no biggy. And next bloody school year I'm putting my foot down. They have to choose a max of a couple extra curricular activities cause it's way too much right now. I know you don't like saying no but sweetheart this is ridiculous. For you. Me and them'

'Mmm' She mumbles. 'I can usually handle it I just have loads of deadlines coming up and then there's moving and the counselling and-'

'You don't need to stress. I'm right here'

'I wasn't disputing that'

'I know you weren't. I'm just reminding you. Things are a bit busy at the minute but we've got enough friends and family to help us out. I know you don't like asking for help and you don't like failing but asking for help isn't failing'

'...I know'

'Yeah?' He kinks his brow. Squints at her.

'Stop with your stupid squinty thing'

'Sexy don't you mean?' Her eyes are back on the calendar before them and he can already see her trying to make some miraculous plan that will enable her to do a billion things all at once. He blindly shuts it. 'Enough of that you. She was good huh?' He doesn't need to elaborate. She knows the subject change is about none other than their youngest daughter.

'Freaking cute'

'I bet you were just like that'

'I think she's suddenly got a bit more grace than I ever had'

'Grace?' He snorts. 'Were we watching the same thing? That kid is a crazy cat'

'She seems to have a bit of rhythm all of a sudden though doesn't she? And I think she can be sort of graceful in a wild kind of way'

He laughs. 'Ok'

'I hope she doesn't suddenly become shy. I think I kinda did'

'Didn't that coincide more with losing your Mum?'

'...I guess that was to do with it'

'Well from the time I met you I never woulda described you as shy. Not that there's anything wrong with that but you were just-'

'A moody bitch, I know'

'Nope. Quietly confident'

'Wasn't confident'

'From where I'm stood you were fierce and sure of your own mind. That's confidence'

She snorts. 'Fierce'

'You're still bloody that' He's suddenly behind her. His hands closing on the counter top either side of her to keep her before him.

'Lucas' She reels back but he jerks her forward. 'Ow! You're such a bull in a china shop' She dramatically declares. 'Get off'

'Drama queen'

'You've given me several bruises lately actually' She waves her arm in his face. 'This is you'

'I'm so sorry' His apology is anything but sincere and has her elbowing him. 'Ow! Jesus' He easily takes hold of both her wrists and holds them to the counter top. 'You can't tell me I'm rough and then purposefully harm me Peyton Scott! Talk about double standards'

'That did not hurt'

'I bruise like a peach'

'You know what would be just peachy? If you'd let me go' She smiles at her own words and he laughs.

'You know what else is peachy?' He presses himself against her. Feels the roundness of her backside against his thighs. Inhales.

'Get off. They're gonna come back in here in a minute...' She trails off because his left hand has left her wrist in favour of other explorations. She gasps as his fingers coast up her shirt.

He smiles into her neck. 'I'm de-stressing you'

'It feels like I'm relaxed right now?'

His laugh tickles the sensitive skin at her neck and she tilts her head further to the side to escape but simultaneously gives him more access.

'Chill. Those two don't do being quiet. You don't think we're gonna know when they're coming back downstairs?'

'Sawyer has got real good at creeping actually'

'So you've never mentioned Daemon'

She blinks. His abrupt change of subject has her confused for a second. '...Yes I have. Tillie's Dad'

'Well you didn't mention that he looked like that. Nor that he's a single Dad'

'I didn't realise you required a report on what he looks like and his relationship status' She dryly remarks. Knows exactly where this is going.

'He likes you'

'Well I've not done anything that could offend him so I'd hope he does'

'Not what I meant'

'...I know what you meant' She closes her eyes. His ministrations have successfully gotten her to relax a little despite her declaring otherwise. He smirks as her head rests back on his shoulder. 'You think everyone likes me lately'

'Because everyone bloody does. It's just never been a cause for worry'

'Firstly your perception of everyone liking me is ridiculous-'

'Not ridiculous. Why don't you see when a guy is blatantly checking you out?'

'Maybe because they're not!'

'...or you're bloody clueless...or is it cause you only have eyes for your husband so you're oblivious?'

She snorts then. He opens his mouth against her neck. Sucks hard. 'Lucas' Her free hand flails behind her to whack him. 'Don't-'

'I can't be held responsible if you're gonna provoke me' He rumbles in her ear.

'I'm not provoking you-'

'The second you put on these jeans you were provoking me. How can you expect me not to touch you? I can't not'

Her ears prick. He hears what she has too. Heard movement on the staircase. Instantly releases her and takes a few healthy steps away. Leans on the opposite end of the counter and peers at her. Her face is flushed. He smiles wickedly.

'You're red' He proudly announces.

'I'm not'

'Yes. You are. Did I get you all hot and bothered?'

'Behave'

'No. I won't' She rolls her eyes. 'I had a good a day today' His cocky expression softens with his announcement and has her stare fixating on him again. 'It was nice, being here before the show with you and the girls. Spending the day with our family. It felt normal' She presses her lips together. Looks down. 'You didn't have a good day?' Her eyes flicker back up.

'...I did' She softly answers. His smile broadens.

'Good'

•••

Her heart is beating in her ears. It was an ordinary Wednesday morning until it wasn't. The knot in her chest has been there for the the last twenty minutes. There's a sheen of sweat over her forehead. She'd abandoned a trolly of food at the supermarket and raced here as quickly as she could.

Haley leaps up as she springs through the doors. Says nothing but hugs Peyton tightly.

'I came as soon as I- what's happening?' Peyton pants into her ear.

'She's ok. They're taking her in for surgery on her arm shortly but she's alright' Haley hurriedly declares. She feels the blonde's limbs relax a little in her embrace. Eases back.

'Thank god' Peyton swallows. Closes her eyes and tilts her head back. Breathes.

Haley rubs her arm. 'I'm sorry, I was literally just texting you to let you know'

Peyton opens her glassy eyes. 'I thought...'

'I know. But she's fine. I swear. It's a broken arm and she needs a couple of pins but she'll be ok. Luke is in there. Nate is outta town today and I've gotta get the kids from school. You want me to get the girls too?'

'Thanks but I already text B. He didn't sound good on the phone'

'No he was in a panic. When they called him they were rather vague' Haley rolls her eyes 'Which naturally made him think the worst. He needs you' She nods her head up the corridor. 'It's room 214'

'Ok. Thanks Hales. I'll call you later'

'Ok. Let me know when she gets out'

'I will' She nods before hurrying off down the hospital corridor. She soon finds the right door and all but catapults through it. Her eyes skitter round the room. Confused not to find Karen present.

'They just took her' Lucas announces.

'Right, right. That's good'

He's silent.

She lurches toward where he's sat as his shoulders begin to shake. Hurries around the vacant bed. Stands behind him. Hands rub his upper arms before locking round his neck as she cocoons him from behind. 'Hey, she's going to be ok honey' His hands clasp over hers. He nods. 'It's a broken arm. She's gonna be back in here soon and yelling at everyone for making a fuss' She jokes.

'...yeah'

'She's completely fine' She eases back and steps around him so she's facing him. 'It's a routine surgery. Hales said a couple of pins right?'

'Yeah. I know' He declares but reaches for her. Wants her hands to go back around him. Needs her to comfort him. He grapples around her waist. His head pressing into her stomach.

She jumps a little but her fingers soon settle in the hair at the nape of his neck.

'I promise Luke' her voice wavers a little because she understands the enormity of what he's feeling. Had gone through the same torrent of emotions when he'd called just an hour ago. Is still shook because this could have so easily panned out differently.

'I know' It's muffled into her jumper. 'I kn-know'

'She's going to be fine' She soothes again.

He comes out of hiding then. Glassy eyes find her teary gaze. Nods. 'It, it just...scared me'

'I know. Me too' She murmurs.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you like that. I didn't mean to scare you, I should have waited until I knew she was ok-'

'Of course you should've called' She cuts off. Her forehead creases. Guilt forming in the back of her throat. She Strokes his cheek.

'...I can't lose anyone else'

She shakes her head. 'You're not going to. It's a broken arm...' She swallows thickly.

'... I know...Thank you for coming here'

'You really think I wouldn't come see you when your Mum has been admitted to hospital?'

'... You've ran away from a lot of things' Hurt forms in her eyes. 'Sorry, sorry I'm all over the place-'

'It's a fair observation' Her voice is small. 'Did they say how long she'll be in surgery?'

'They said it should be about a couple of hours but they'll call'

'Right, do you wanna go back home for a bit rather than wait here? Karen wouldn't want us lurking here would she?'

'No. Yeah alright. What's happening with the girls though?'

'B is picking them up from school and taking them to hers. I said I'd pick them up later. I should text her actually and let her know everything is ok' She gets her phone out and goes about doing just that. Her eyes flutter back to him as soon as she's sent her message. 'You ok? You look real pale'

'I'm alright' He rises to his feet.

'You sure?'

'Mm' He smiles because it's nice that she's concerned. 'Come on. Lead the way Nurse'

•••

'Here' She sets two teas on the table.

'Thanks' She hesitates. His brow arches. 'What?' He smiles. 'Aren't you gonna sit down?' She presses her lips together before doing just that only not on the seat beside him. He startles as she sits herself across his legs. This. Her perching herself on him had once been a common occurrence. Once upon a time he'd not have batted an eye. Might have even whined for her to get off and go away on occasion because she had a habit of interrupting him during the best part of a book or in the crucial part of a film or whilst he was trying to get some work done and he couldn't concentrate on anything asides from her when she was so close.

'Don't be weird' Apparently his expression says a thousand words.

'Not being weird' His hovering hands find her thighs. 'What're you doing?'

'You want me to get off?'

'Nope' His hands tighten on her. 'Not at all what I just said'

'I just...' She hugs him abruptly. Links her hands around his neck '...your Mum is going to be absolutely fine'

'I know' He smiles into her neck. 'I would've broke her arm myself months ago if it meant I get you sitting on me'

'Not funny' She berates.

'No' He agrees. 'You know I make bad jokes when I'm scared'

Her head rises up from his shoulder so she can look into his face. 'You don't need to be scared'

'I know. It just freaked me out when I got the call. I know she's gonna be absolutely fine but for a moment I thought that was it you know?'

She rests her head against his then. Hand strokes over his cheek. 'I know. But it's not it. We're not gonna get rid of her that easily honey' He smiles.

'I know. Bloody interfering woman' He jokes.

She smiles. 'Do you think they'll keep her in over night?'

'They were talking like that just cause of the time now'

'Well if she does stay in you should stay over. You shouldn't be alone tonight'

'Oh?' He smirks.

'I'll sleep in with Roe' She shakes her head.

'Peyton'

'Lucas' She imitates.

He sighs. '...I know I struggle to keep my hands to myself at times but I can behave myself if that's what you're worried about'

'Don't try and persuade me. It won't take much'

'Well I'm definitely gonna try and persuade you then'

'Luke' She pouts.

'You're being funny'

'Thanks. Sex doesn't miraculously fix shit. Haven't we learnt that?'

'Well I tend to disagree but I wasn't even talking about sex sweetheart. I miss this just as much. I miss holding you'

'...you really think us sharing a bed isn't gonna end there?'

'I know I'm irresistible but we've shared a bed plenty of times without it ending there'

'I know. But I also know what you're like right now'

'That I'm out of my mind for wanting you?' He smirks. 'Because that isn't a right now thing baby' He shrugs. 'That's an every day thing...Fyi you're the one that just came and sat yourself on my lap. Not my doing' He points out.

'You looked like you needed a hug' Her voice is quiet. 'I'm not trying to be a tease'

'Oh I did. Always do. Wasn't complaining' He strokes her cheek. 'You know one of your hugs can literally fix anything?' She gives him a wane look. 'Is true' He answers her unsaid words. 'I've needed to hold you so many times and when you pull away it, god it hurts' She presses her lips together. Looks down. 'I know I made you pull away' Her stare skitters back up.

'No-'

'A little'

'No' She frowns. '...I'm sorry that I...I'm sorry that I was so closed off...you needed me'

'Yes. I still do. I was angry too Peyton'

'I know'

'No. You don't. I didn't tell you. I should've told you. I just, I thought that anger wouldn't fix anything but that doesn't mean I wasn't. I'm still angry'

'...you are?'

'Our son is meant to be here with us. Of course I am. I'm angry at myself for not being there that morning. Angry that the girls saw you like that, that they had to deal with that. I'm angry at the Doctors for not saving him even though I know they did everything they could. I'm angry that I could've lost you. Angry at the thought that the girls could've lost you, that I could be here right now bringing them up without a Mum. I'm angry that you had to go through labour. I'm angry that you've had to go through this again and again. I'm angry that you didn't lean on me. I'm angry that I didn't know how to help you. Angry that I tried to get us back on track by wrapping myself up in ensuring we had enough money to finance another round of IVF...I'm angry that I lost my mind. I'm angry at you for not fucking noticing for as long as you did. I'm angry at you for telling me you wanted a break. I'm angry for what I then did. I'm angry that I'm living at my Mum's house. I'm angry that we're having to sell the house because of my stupidity. Angry that our marriage is in the state it's in. I'm angry at the jackass that drunk and drove today! And I'm a hypocrite because I did that! I did that a few months back and it feels like karma-'

'No Luke' She intervenes. Her voice is consoling. 'It's not karma. It's bad luck'

'You were angry at me that night'

'Because you scared the shit out of me! I'm not excusing what you did cause it was fucking ridiculous but it, you weren't, I know the roads you went down. It wasn't 2pm on a weekday. I know you didn't encounter anyone else. Still idiotic because you could've killed yourself but this, it's not karma. Karma is a load of shit'

His smile is small. '...I'm so sorry for that night. For all sorts of things. Roe bought it up to me the other week'

'Yeah?'

'Yes. About how scary I was'

'I've been all levels of scary in front of them Luke' She mutters back.

'Not like that' He disagrees. 'They've never been scared of you'

'I think they were the day I found out about Lindsey' She disagrees. 'It's hard to see through anger sometimes...you've always known that. It's why you didn't want to get wrapped up in it but I...I took you down with me'

'I, were you scared of me that night?'

'No' She frowns.

'I know I was stupid drunk but I remember you crying and...' He sighs.

'I was upset. You'd just driven intoxicated and it, that...you know my feelings surrounding that. You know how utterly mindless it is. You know that's how my Mum died'

'I know. It's unforgivable'

'I forgave you by the morning' She dismisses because quite frankly it's the truth.

'Why that so easily?'

She shrugs. '...you were alive. I was thankful for that'

'...I was handsy with you'

'Like that isn't something I can handle' She dismisses.

'You got mad'

'Because you weren't listening to me!'

'And that's unforgivable'

'Luke' She smiles wearily. 'Stop. I love that you care so much but my only concern about that night was the girls'

'Your husband all but comes storming into the house out of his head, assaults you-'

'Oh stop. You did not. You were a dick. Yes. I've never been scared of you'

'No?'

'Of course not you idiot. I was upset and angry because I was considering the fact I could've had a cop at my door telling me you'd flipped your fucking car and were dead. I was considering the possibility that I could have had to tell our girls that you were gone. I was mad at you for being reckless and making that a possibility'

'I'm sorry'

'I know. You've already said sorry. You're not gonna drink and drive again right?'

'Never'

'Right then. What happened to your Mum today has got nothing to do with that night or any other stupid thing either of us have done. You know that. You're the least superstitious person I know'

'Mmm but I did marry a girl who likes to think witches are real and cats have past lives. Maybe it's wearing off on me'

'I can't believe in karma Luke. Otherwise it means I did something to deserve him being taken from us, all of them being taken from us'

'You didn't do anything'

'...nor did you'

'...I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your anger from me anymore. You can be angry. I won't tell you not to be.'

Her smile is sad. 'You think I've been hiding my anger? I think I've done a poor job of that honey'

'...well you've let me see your anger about certain things'

'Aka I've been angry at you'

'No I-'

'A truth Luke' She cuts off what she's sure is going to be him blithering nonsense. 'Unfairly so at times I know...I didn't think you were angry about it' She admits despite declaring otherwise just a few minutes ago. '...losing Finley I mean' She elaborates. 'I mean obviously I know that you were devastated. I know' Her voice wavers. 'Of course I know but you, you seemed to put your grief into focusing on the trying again part'

'I know...I'm sorry'

She shakes her head. 'Why didn't you tell me that you were angry too?'

'I just, I've never seen you that broken and I wanted to look after you and I, I guess I was worried that I'd be adding fuel to the fire'

'...Mm...' She ponders for a moment. '...you know what I remember most from the day we lost him?'

'What?' He strokes her cheek.

'You holding him' She nods. 'You wanted me to have him in my arms for as long as possible but when they had to take him away you had to take him from me'

'I didn't want to'

'You had to or I would've never let go. I knew you were feeling everything I was feeling when you held him'

'Of course I was...'

'...You said, you said last week that you always put me first and it, it stops me leaning on you. I, I've had more time to think about that and it, maybe there is a bit of truth in that' she nods. 'When we, when we lost him you, you kept telling me it was OK and that, that was the last thing I wanted to hear' she nods tearfully.

'I'm sorry-'

'No, you don't need to be sorry I just, I'm trying to explain...I didn't know how to explain what I was thinking or feeling. I, I didn't know how to, to deal with everything I was feeling and I couldn't pretend. I couldn't be optimistic about anything. You wanted to console me but I couldn't be consoled. It felt like we were feeling such different things.'

'I should've told you what I was feeling'

'...I should have asked though' She whispers.

'I...I still see you, you holding him. See you willing him to breathe even though you knew he was gone'

She swallows. '...I think I thought maybe I could will him to breathe' She admits. '...he looked so much like you'

'You think?'

'Yes. He had your nose'

'Not a good thing baby'

'You know I don't like it when you're mean about your nose' She runs her finger down the bridge of his nose before tapping it.

He smiles because her touching him like this, god he's missed her touching him. 'I thought he looked a lot like Sawyer did'

'...Yeah but also different'

'Yeah'

He watches her eyes skitter to his mouth and in all of a seconds he's overwrought because he knows that look. Knows she's wanting to kiss him. He tilts his head back eagerly. The hands that have settled on her hips jerk her closer in encouragement.

She gasps. 'Ow. You can stop digging your fingers into me'

His hands slacken a little. 'Can I?' She purses her lips together but leans into him. 'If you get up right now I'm gonna-'

'Shh' She cuts him off. Exhales. Breath hits his mouth and then her lips are coasting over his.

A little noise sounds in the back of his throat that startles her because she's not heard him make it before. She eases back a little to look into his face. He opens one eye. 'Uh, uh. Don't you dare-'

'What was that noise?' She arches her eyebrow. 'You've never made that noise before'

'The noise of a man who has not had his wife's mouth on his for far too long'

'...We've kissed'

'No I've kissed you. There's a difference. And only bloody recently. You've not kissed me. In god knows how long' He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'Don't stop' His fingers are back to digging in her side. She swallows.

'You're doing it again' She breathes out, hands covering his.

'I'm impatient'

'Really? I wasn't getting that at all' She drawls before rejoining their mouthes. He hums at the contact, his hands simultaneously migrating to her face like he doesn't quite trust her not to end this prematurely again. He makes that noise in the back of his throat again when her tongue probes at his lips. Grunts as she kisses him. Properly this time. Like she hasn't in forever.

He's not sure how he's managed to feel so many emotions all in the space of a few hours. She's said things she hasn't before. She's sitting on him. Kissing him. And it feels like them. Like the them he craves.

She pulls away breathlessly. Stares into his eyes.

'...ok?'

Her smile is small. 'You want me to rate it?'

He squints up at her. 'Nope. That won't be necessary...thank you'

'You're welcome?' Her brow raises in amusement.

'Not for that'

'Charming'

'I'm not gonna thank you for something that's rightfully mine'

She narrows her eyes. '...For?' He's surprised she's letting that slide.

'Coming to the hospital. Being calm and making me chill out'

'...Like I'd have been anywhere else' She frowns. '...you really didn't think I'd come?'

'...I don't know'

'I'm sorry that I've made you think that I'd not, that I could...' She sighs. 'You know how much I love your Mum'

'Yes' He strokes her cheek. 'Stop thinking. It was a simple thank you. I didn't mean for you to analyse it. Go back to thinking about how great a kiss that just was' He requests.

'That's what I was thinking huh?'

'Yes. You sure you wanna sleep in with Roe?' He mischievously questions. Her lack of answer is answer enough. 'Ok ' He sighs dramatically.

'I'll let you have Batman to keep you safe' She looks at him through her lashes.

'I'll pass on that. Should have been called the bloody joker. He'll probably claw me to death'

'Well he likes your side of the bed so you might be stuck with him'

'Peyton' He whines.

'What?' She's amused by his outrage because it's not like he's not seen the cat in question making himself at home in said bed and having free roam of the entire house.

'I don't get it when people let pets in the bed, especially at night. Everything gets all gross and hairy'

A small laugh passes her lips. 'I have washed the bedsheets in your absence you know? He's not that hairy'

He finds a hair on her jumper then. 'His!'

'Do I need to remind you who got the bloody cat?'

'I know, I know but he could sleep down here. In his cat bed' He wavers his hand at the bed that's sat in the corner sans cat.

'He doesn't like that thing. He cries at the door if you don't let him in'

'Because he knows you're gonna be a pushover and open it. You have to just make him go downstairs'

'You're so mean to him. If he was a dog you'd gladly have him with you'

'Nope. I would not. Our bed is just that. Ours. For you and me. For sleeping and other activities that I don't want an audience for' She shakes her head and laughs again. 'Not funny'

'It kinda is. He's hardly an audience'

'He stares at you! And now I have it in my head that this mysterious Frank that you've made up is living inside him even though I think that's utterly ridiculous'

'You're utterly ridiculous'

'You'd happily let him perv on us'

'He's a cat' She widens her eyes at him. 'A cat!'

'So you'd happily let someone watch us? I never thought of you as an exhibitionist Peyton Scott'

She snorts. 'Absolutely different you idiot and I know you. I don't think you'd bloody notice Batman lurking for a second'

'We could test your theory' He fiddles with the button on her jeans. Her hand covers his. Her eyes a combination of defiance, guilt and shame. He sighs heavily. 'No?' She shakes her head. Bites her lip. 'Oh don't fucking do that right now if I'm not allowed to have you'

'What?'

'The biting the lip thing'

'Sorry'

'You should be. It's an actual crime how beautiful you are'

She rolls her eyes. 'Ok. Enough'

'Don't you believe me?' He nuzzles his nose against hers.

'That you're awfully sappy? Yes I know'

'Not the question'

'I know'

'Look at me' Her eyes hesitantly lock with his. 'I mean it'

Her nostrils flare a little and her eyes glaze over. 'Ok' She smiles a forced smile and swallows the lump in her throat. 'I need to call Julian and let him know what's happened. I was meant to be meeting with him later' His hands dig into her yet again.

'Don't do that'

'I have to-'

'Not that. The fake smile. I'm not a fan of being on the receiving end of those' She sighs. 'Don't huff and puff. Just don't do it'

'Don't talk to me like I'm a child'

'I wouldn't have to if you didn't misbehave' He widens his eyes at her.

'Not misbehaving'

'No?'

'...sorry'

'For?'

'...I don't know' She fiddles with the fabric covering his chest. '...all sorts of things'

His brow raises. 'You like saying that. Not really an answer is it?'

She looks up at him. 'For being insecure and weird...for fucking up our life mainly' She mumbles.

He looks at her sadly. 'Peyton'

'You asked'

'Yes. But you...well firstly you're not weird. Secondly you didn't fuck our life up'

'...it feels like it a lot' She whispers. 'I know this is all largely me. I do know that. I did things that made you do things. Things that I'm bloody mad at you for but I'm more mad at me Luke'

He tucks her hair back behind her ear. 'This didn't start with you. It started with us being put through shitty trial after trial. Loss after loss. Ok?'

'...I know you. I know you wouldn't have done certain things if I'd been what you needed' Her voice is quiet.

'...maybe. Maybe not. But that's putting a lot of pressure on you. You wouldn't have felt certain things or done certain things if certain things hadn't happened to you and I'd been what you needed. It works both ways. We're getting through this. I've felt like you've thought this is all my fault and the more we talk it feels like you've been blaming yourself for everything'

'I'm mad at you plenty'

'Yes' He smiles sadly. 'As you should be. We've both done things that we'd do differently right?'

'...right' She looks down briefly and he knows when she looks back up at him a moment later she's done with this topic right now. 'I really do need to call Julian'

He pouts. 'Oh fine' His hands reluctantly set her free. 'I'll ring the hospital and see if they can give us an ETA on when she'll be out yet'

'Kay' She rises up.

'Peyton?'

'Mm?' She looks back at him over her shoulder.

'You're wearing the jeans again'

'Yes. I am. And?'

'And it's appreciated' He grins.

She rolls her eyes and bats her hand. 'Thought you were gonna tell me something important'

'It is important. Important that you don't stop wearing them'

'Behave'

'Behaving'

'Going'

'Go' He chimes. '...but come back!' He smiles as he hears her laughter drift down the hall. Today has been a tornado of emotions. Mostly bad but somehow it's ending with more hope than he could ever have imagined. Ending with what feels like ten gigantic steps in the right direction.