Title: Dare to Refuse Such a Man
Rating: K+ (PG) – because I can't think of anything at this point which would constitute a higher rating. Should be sweet and clean.
Disclaimer: Though I write stories based on the novels and characters of Jane Austen, this work belongs to ME and no one else. Unless given express permission, no one besides myself has the right to distribute or profit from my intellectual property. All rights reserved.
Setting: Regency
PSA: I hope that you and yours are safe and healthy during the COVID-19 crisis. Take precautions for yourself and others and please don't hoard any goods that your family doesn't need; we're all in this together, even while we remain physically apart.

Summary: It had never occurred to Fitzwilliam Darcy that, once he had chosen a bride, her father might dare to refuse his consent. However, a woman worthy of being pleased is also worth fighting for. DE, Regency, clean romance.

"He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse anything which he condescended to ask."

Mr Bennet, Pride and Prejudice Volume III, Chapter 17

Chapter Twenty-Six

A loud upswell of laughter informed Bennet that his silly daughters had returned from their little excursion in Meryton and he rolled his eyes in a fondly exasperated arc. He complained frequently of the noise and, even though these sentiments were honest at the time they were spoken, there was a strange comfort in the pandemonium caused by the wagging of excitable female tongues and the dramatic wail of offended sensibilities. The giggles, absurdities and raucous atmosphere had been his old friends these twenty years at least and he, in spite of his better sense, hoped little would change over the next twenty. So long as Lizzy ultimately accepted Collins as her bridegroom, Bennet was assured that some measure of the comforting rollicking would continue at Longbourn.

Bennet stretched out his back and rallied his willpower to stand. He was normally inclined to leave the ladies to whatever pursuits they chose while attending to his own in the library, but with a gentleman guest in the house and a match to promote when no one else would, it behooved Bennet to stir himself a little on the occasion. Perhaps he could wander back upstairs to his sanctuary after an hour or so and return to the comforts of musty pages and intellectual enrichment. It would be a fair trade after spending time in the opposite fashion.

The chair creaked and Bennet himself groaned as he levied himself upright. His spine crackled as he erected himself at his full height, reminding him how old he was becoming. He greatly looked forward to passing along the torch of responsibility to the younger generation soon.

Bennet shuffled slowly out of his study and down the staircase, not at all feeling the need for any great urgency. The only thing awaiting him in the parlor was conversation bereft of any sense, decorum and respect; even his Lizzy, with a little more wit than the rest, could not be bothered to be as entertaining of late, a result of her deepening resentment against him. Bennet could happily delay his arrival without regret.

As he finally approached the door, he found it partially ajar so that light and sound from within seeped out into the hallway. Most of the expected noise was familiar to Bennet – shrieking giggles, softer feminine conversation, nervous babbling – and some which was less so seemed attributable to the buffoonish Collins. Who else but his cousin could speak with such fervency and rapidity about Lady Catherine de Bourgh, whose name rose above the din? But, to Bennet's surprise, there were two other voices added to the melee, obvious due to their masculine timbre. Apparently, Longbourn had visitors.

Bennet pushed the door open fully and stepped into the parlor ready to greet whomever it was with polite distance. When he recognized the gentlemen, however, he was seized with a sudden and irrepressible rage at the audacity that they would call where they were advised, in no uncertain terms, that they were not wanted. The presumption of one could be overlooked, but most certainly not the other.

There was that Dastardly Darcy sitting next to Lizzy as if he were perfectly welcome to do so. Collins was at Lizzy's other side, but being ignored by the couple in favor of exchanging besotted looks with one another. Collins prattled on happily about some nonsense or other as if he had failed to notice – and, honestly, perhaps he had – leaving them to flirt openly in company.

Intolerable.

Bennet was acknowledged by no one in the room until he took another step into it and began stalking in the direction of the lovers' triangle. Only then did heads rise from their activities to watch him warily for what he would do next. Kitty and Lydia's tittering ceased to a sharp halt, Mary's quill scratched an ugly blot onto her page, Jane's serene expression altered slightly in dismay – a change which was noted with some confusion by Bingley, who was watching her closely – and Mrs Bennet began fanning herself furiously. Lizzy was the last of the ladies to spot Bennet's encroachment, alerted to his presence only when her forbidden lover stiffened visibly. Of the entire party, only Collins seemed unaffected by Bennet's arrival and chattered a solicitous greeting, expressed with twice as many words as necessary.

Darcy's smitten expression shuttered upon seeing Bennet and he rose, Lizzy and Collins following his example a beat behind. "Mr Bennet," he said, the disdain in his voice hidden well, but not well enough for it to be completely undetectable. Hmph, the feeling was mutual.

"Mr Darcy," Bennet replied, not bothering to disguise the irritation he was feeling. "Might I ask your business here?"

"I have come to visit with the ladies, of course." Darcy's reply was smooth and unbothered, but his eyes were narrowed in defiance. "And I am making the acquaintance of Mr Collins."

"I was just telling Mr Darcy," Collins injected himself eagerly here as if he had been waiting for the opportunity to speak, "about my patroness and the condescension I have enjoyed since my ordination at Easter. Why, I have never..."

As Collins regurgitated the same facts about Lady Catherine that all of them were becoming unavoidably familiar with, Bennet and Dreadful Darcy continued to exchange glares. Lizzy, standing between her two suitors, was glancing back and forth from one stony expression to the other and looking discomfited. As well she should, considering this little rebellion; she knew very well that Darcy was not welcome at Longbourn and had brought him home with her in direct violation of Bennet's prohibition.

Collins kept talking without cessation – now discussing the healthful merits of puttering around in his garden, another activity endorsed by her ladyship – and the longer his monologue went on the more smug Darcy grew. It might not have been obvious to a disinterested observer, but the subtle rise of one eyebrow said much to Bennet. He could not help feeling a moment of mortification that a proud, wealthy man such as Darcy should be witnessing the spectacle that was Collins; Bennet was not a simpleton by any measure and could recognize that, without any considerations in play other than the quality of their minds and manners, Darcy must be considered the superior specimen. However, Bennet reminded himself and steeled his resolve, those were not the only considerations of value when determining his daughter's future.

"...and, of course, must be regarded as the tastiest specimen."

When Collins finally paused to take a breath, Bennet took his opportunity to speak. "Well, as delightful as your company has been, gentlemen, I believe the proper time for a morning call has elapsed. You will be wanting to get on with your day, I am sure."

Bingley, seated over by the fire across from Jane, rose awkwardly from his chair. Darcy, by contrast, moved not a hair from where he stood next to Lizzy. His gaze remained icily fixed upon Bennet's face and his host wondered if he would openly refuse to remove himself from the premises. If so, Bennet was prepared to call in his manservant for reinforcements.

Mrs Bennet, in a nervous flutter, now leaped into the fray. "Now, now, Mr Bennet, the gentlemen have not even had their tea yet! Surely they can stay – "

"No, I think not," Bennet interrupted, transferring his scowl to his wife. She subsided with visible reluctance and her fan resumed its furious motion.

"Do not concern yourself, Mrs Bennet," Disreputable Darcy said, his tone now more conciliatory, "Bingley and I must be going in any case. I look forward to seeing you," Darcy's eyes returned to Lizzy, whose face lit with warm regard, "at Mrs Philips' card party tomorrow evening."

"And we look forward to seeing you, Mr Darcy, Mr Bingley," exclaimed Mrs Bennet as Darcy smiled intimately at Lizzy. For an instant, Bennet wanted to call him out, but swept the irrational impulse away in the next.

The gentlemen departed quickly thereafter and Bennet returned to his book room, out of sorts with everyone in the household and most particularly with one from without.

o0o

During dinner, Bennet scarcely spoke at all, little relishing the prospect of discourse with his guest or ungrateful womenfolk at any length, but once the servants had withdrawn it seemed like his participation would necessarily be required in spite of his reluctance. As soon as the door had closed upon the kitchen maid's back, Lizzy, of all people, had addressed Mr Collins thusly:

"You seem most fortunate in your patroness, Mr Collins." This statement was uttered with cold reserve as though Lizzy were conscious of not offering her cousin any encouragement in her manner; her younger sisters, by contrast, groaned audibly from further down the table. Why Lizzy should suddenly wish to incite Mr Collins to conversation when she had previously disdained so much as looking at him was a mystery and a tingle of suspicion began to grow in Bennet's mind.

Mr Collins, apparently not thinking it at all strange that Lizzy was unexpectedly taking notice of him, puffed himself up in his chair and laid down his soup spoon. He must be eager to extol the virtues of Lady Catherine if he was disdaining his food to do so. "Indeed I am, dearest Cousin Elizabeth. I have never in my life witnessed such behavior in a person of rank – such affability and condescension as I have experienced from Lady Catherine. She was most graciously pleased to approve of both the discourses, which I have already had the pleasure of preaching before her, and did not hesitate to offer suggestions for their improvement, which was greatly appreciated by myself. She has also asked me – twice! – to dine at Rosings and had sent for me only the Saturday before to make up her pool of quadrille in the evening. Once I take my dear cousin to wife," here Mr Collins paused to simper in Lizzy's direction, which incurred a slight curl of her lip that her paramour did not seem to notice, "I am sure that Lady Catherine will be delighted to include her in all the invitations which her ladyship extends to myself."

Bennet wished to pinch the bridge of his nose to express his exasperation, but settled for a light frown instead. Unless Lady Catherine had been raised in the woods alongside the wild pigs, she would naturally recognize the propriety of inviting both a man and his wife to evening gatherings. But, it would not matter in the slightest whether or not the old dame practiced basic politeness, Bennet reminded himself; as soon as Lizzy and Collins were joined, they would reside at Longbourn. So long as Collins could bear to be parted from his beloved patroness, of course, but what was some ancient, meddling madam compared to taking possession of one's own estate? Bennet was certain that he could convince his cousin to remain in Hertfordshire.

While Bennet mused on the probability of detaching his cousin's lips from Lady Catherine's ruffled rump, Mr Collins continued to pontificate on her magnanimous beneficence without cessation. "Lady Catherine is reckoned proud by many people I know, but I have never seen anything but affability in her. She has always spoken to me as she would to any other gentleman, in spite of what my father was – God rest his soul. She made no objection to my joining the society of the neighborhood, nor to my leaving the parish to visit my future in-laws," again, Collins looked to Lizzy with what might have passed for a flirtatious expression on a hog with a stomach ailment; the object of his affections shied away from the attention and lowered her eyes to her place setting, "and make wedding arrangements. She had even condescended to advise me to marry as soon as I could, provided that my fair cousin proved to be unobjectionable – and, indeed, Miss Elizabeth is everything charming and amiable and must be acceptable to her ladyship – and once paid me a visit in my humble parsonage, where she has perfectly approved all the alterations I have been making, and even vouchsafed to suggest some herself – some shelves in the closet upstairs. You will be most pleased with how comfortable and convenient our home has been rendered by Lady Catherine's wise advice."

Shelves in the closet? Happy thought, indeed. Perhaps Lizzy would wish to add them to her current bedchamber for her husband's sake, Bennet thought snidely. He would admit, if only to himself, that Collins was even more foolish than he had supposed from their correspondence, but that was all the better; a dullard such as he would be easy enough for an intelligent girl like Lizzy to overrule in various subtle ways. And, since he seemed so fond of Lady Catherine's officious and pointless advice, surely Collins would be malleable when directed by his wife. A man used to taking direction from a woman would be a boon for Lizzy.

When Lizzy seemed rendered speechless by Collins' last remarks, her face drawn tight in some emotion Bennet did not wish to interpret, her mother took up the obligation of questioning their guest further. "That is all very proper and civil, I am sure," she said, although Mrs Bennet's tone indicated that she thought otherwise, "and I dare say she is a very...agreeable woman. It is a pity that great ladies in general are not more like her. Does she live near you, sir?"

"The garden in which stands my humble abode is separated only by a lane from Rosings Park, her ladyship's residence," he said with obvious pride as if any of them had forgotten the last twenty or so times Collins had declared it to be such.

"I think you said she was a widow, sir? Has she any family?" Mrs Bennet prodded before taking a dainty sip from her sherry.

"She has only one daughter, the heiress of Rosings, and of very extensive property." As Collins related this fact to his hostess, Bennet noticed a subtle stiffening of Lizzy's posture. She covered it well enough not to be noticed by anyone else, but it was an interesting observation to Bennet. What should cause Lizzy to react in such a way to the mention of Miss de Bourgh when Lady Catherine herself caused no such change? Most curious.

At Mrs Bennet's prompting for further information, Collins proceeded to switch from extolling the finer qualities of the mother to that of the daughter at Rosings Park. She was, according to his information, a delicate flower and unfortunately of a sickly constitution, but apparently all that was feminine and admirable regardless. Her lack of accomplishment or social graces were, to those such as Collins, of no consequence compared to her elevated pedigree.

"I am sure you will be most sorry to leave your home and patroness when the time comes," Lizzy said, redirecting the conversation away from Miss Anne de Bourgh and all of her questionable allurements. "And your career in the church, of course."

Collins again shifted his gaze to where Lizzy was seated and bestowed upon her that "look" she found so objectionable. Bennet observed it and, aside from thinking it disgusting for any of his daughters to be the object of such obvious admiration, found nothing to truly censure in it. After all, Collins was to be Lizzy's husband and it was not unnatural for a man to consider his betrothed in such a way. She would get used to it, he was sure, especially once she learned what it meant. In the meantime, he would speak to Collins about perhaps lowering the intensity of his regard in deference to Lizzy's delicate sensibilities. He would do this much for her and hope that she could find it within herself to be appreciative. Bennet held out little hope for this considering recent events, but there was also the possibility that Collins might seem less repugnant to her if he could cool his ardor.

"Naturally," Collins agreed, continuing to stare at Lizzy with that uncomfortable admiration, "but that will, God willing, not be for many years yet. And Lady Catherine has already begun schooling me in the ways of estate management so that I might be prepared upon the unhappy event of your father's death," he nodded in Bennet's direction to acknowledge his cousin's eventual mortality, which darkly amused his host, "to take over the helm at Longbourn and run things the way they should be. Lady Catherine has many excellent suggestions to improve crop yields and profit margins – "

"With all due respect to her ladyship," Bennet interrupted, "would it not be better to learn from those who have maintained the estate for the past twenty-some-odd years than someone who has never set foot here? Myself, for instance, or even Lizzy; she has had a hand in the running of things nearly since she could read and write. Her advice would be invaluable."

Collins sat back in his seat from where he had been eagerly leaning over the table to expound upon Lady Catherine's no doubt excellent suggestions and stared at Bennet as if he had suddenly thrown on his wife's dress and begun quoting Shakespeare. "Cousin Elizabeth?"

"As I said."

The confusion upon his cousin's face slowly morphed into what Bennet read as discomfort, perhaps even a little revulsion. Lizzy, from her place next to her mother and across from Collins – the only machination Bennet had been able to achieve in the seating arrangements, however little good it was doing him – was also looking at him, her mouth tightened into a straight line and a single brow lifted expressively. Bennet furrowed his own brow in return as Collins continued, "Oh, no, no, Cousin, that will not do. Lady Catherine was most strenuous about the duties required of a husband and those of a wife! It is the man's obligation to see to the running of the estate and the woman's to oversee the household – within her husband's discretion, of course. She must be useful, of course, by arranging all the meals, mending clothing, performing light housework, assisting in the kitchen – "

There was a loud clatter as Mrs Bennet's spoon fell into her dish. With her eyes wide and her mouth gaping, she exclaimed, "The kitchen?"

But Collins carried on as if he had not noticed the interruption at all. Bennet had noticed that his cousin had the remarkable ability to only see and hear whatever best suited him. " – and, of course, overseeing the care and education of any children. It is not her place to advise her husband in those tasks which must fall to him, no indeed! I have the highest opinion in the world of her excellent judgment in all matters within the scope of her understanding, but permit me to say that there must be a wide difference between the natural faculties of men and women and that Miss Elizabeth is ill-equipped to take on the responsibilities of a gentleman. You must therefore allow me to follow the dictates of my better understanding on this occasion, which leads me to perform what I look on as a point of duty as a husband and future landowner. Pardon me for neglecting to profit from your advice, Cousin Bennet, but I cannot help but believe Lady Catherine has the right in this. I am most happy, however, to be guided by your wisdom in regards to estate management which, as you have already pointed out, has been honed over more than twenty years of experience. My dear Cousin Elizabeth must excuse me; I must protect her femininity and insist that she only undertake those tasks which are befitting a woman of her genteel upbringing."

Bennet stared at Collins without responding immediately to his cousin's rather ridiculous and meandering speech. Collins was, while disdaining any potential contribution from his knowledgeable future wife in regards to estate management, simultaneously willing to consider that which his patroness suggested? Lady Catherine, who had likely not any more experience in crop rotation or animal husbandry than in reinventing closet configuration, had never been to Longbourn whereas Lizzy had been born and raised there. What could the pampered daughter of an earl possibly know about even half of the things she insisted were of great import? And the irony of accepting one woman's advice to disdain another's was grating to Bennet's logical faculties. Lizzy maintained that same expression as before, her brow raised in silent suggestion, and he could feel the burn of her judgment from down the length of the table.

After some moments' thought, however, Bennet relaxed as he, once again, reminded himself that Collins would not likely be under the thumb of his patroness long after exchanging vows with Lizzy. Surely, with enough prodding and more sensible advice, he would be brought around to the proper way of thinking. In any case, it was not a conversation to have in any depth at the dinner table and so it was time to change the subject.

With a slight cough preceding, Bennet said, "I am sure that all will turn out as it should. Tell me, Cousin, are you a great reader?"

Collins' features shifted back into complacency as he replied, "Oh, yes, I am very fond of reading. Nothing objectionable, of course, like novels, nor so frivolous as poetry or heathen philosophy, but I have spent many an hour pouring over sermons and other moralistic tomes in my duties as a clergyman. In days such as these, one cannot be too lax in enriching the soul! Lady Catherine always says..."

And so dinner continued with less contentious topics until the ladies rose and left the gentlemen to their port. Bennet was not sorry to see them go, particularly when he received several disdainful parting looks from that quarter, but nor was he especially enamored of the prospect of a tete-a-tete with Collins. He was willing to admit that Lizzy had a point about Collins' disturbing lack of anything resembling intellect, but there was really nothing for it; they would all learn to work around that which could not be changed. Further, there was still Lizzy's heart to protect from unscrupulous cads – curse that Despicable Darcy and his pretty looks – and keeping her close to home. Collins was not everything he would wish for in a son-in-law, but he was not so very bad.

Bennet allowed Collins to prattle on about something or other – his patroness, most probably, though Bennet had stopped listening some time ago – while he considered how to frame his own proposal to overthrow Lady Catherine's. The sooner Bennet divorced Collins from his patroness, the better it would be for them all; look at how deeply Collins was in her thrall just since his ordination at Easter. His determination to install Collins at Longbourn was all the stronger for this added motive behind it.

"When you have married Lizzy," Bennet began, cutting whatever Collins was saying short, "I wish for the two of you to live here."

"Here?" Collins repeated, blinking at him stupidly.

Bennet fought away the irritation at being forced to repeat something so simple. "Yes, here. It is my intention that you and Lizzy remain at Longbourn and take over the bulk of the work in managing the estate. I shall be here, of course, to assist and Lizzy is most able to guide you even without my help."

"But Lady Catherine says – "

"Yes, you have expressed Lady Catherine's opinion on the subject at length," Bennet glared Collins back into silence, "but I am telling you that Lizzy has been raised to this and that she will be a most valuable help meet for you. I would not disdain her as an elegant female who does not know her own mind and abilities – to do so would be a grave mistake. So, what say you? Would you be willing to elevate yourself before I shuffle off this mortal coil?"

Collins continued to stare at him as if puzzled, but it appeared that at least something was turning round inside his brain. Eventually, Collins said, "I cannot deny that I have long dreamed of becoming a true gentleman, in name as well as education..."

"But?"

"But it is no small thing to give up the patronage of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She is expecting my return, with my bride in tow, before the new year. I cannot, in good conscience, abandon her."

Bennet closed his eyes to disguise his eye roll; what was Lady Catherine to them that she should warrant so much sacrifice? When he had composed himself, Bennet lifted his lids and replied, "I am sure Lady Catherine would wish for you to accept your birthright as soon as may be. In fact, she would likely consider you a fool to pass up such an opportunity."

Collins looked thoughtful at this bit of reasoning, which Bennet assumed must be painful for him. "You must be right, Cousin. However..."

"However?"

"I have some concerns."

"Such as?"

"I could not help but notice earlier, whilst Mr Darcy was present, that my Cousin Elizabeth seemed enamored of him. I might not have seen it myself, but your wife was kind enough to point out the partiality, I think to warn me that they might be forming an attachment between them. I worry that, with Mr Darcy a mere three miles away at Netherfield, Cousin Elizabeth might be tempted into sin. In Hunsford, she would necessarily be separated from the opportunity."

Bennet's blood began to boil with offense. "My Lizzy is a loyal girl with impeccable morals; have a care what you imply against her good name."

Collins stiffened as if startled by the vehemence of his host's admonishment. "I – I beg your pardon, Cousin, but she did seem rather...erm…fond of Mr Darcy, and he of her. It is not unreasonable to be concerned over the attentions another man bestows upon his intended. I would not wish to be made a fool of."

Yes, that would be most tragic. "Fortunately for you, Mr Darcy is not a native of this area – he hails from Derbyshire, far to the north and well away from Longbourn. Once you and Lizzy are wed, he will undoubtedly return from whence he came and leave us all in peace. Does this satisfy you?"

"Yes, but – pardon me, Cousin – you do not deny that there is something between them?"

Bennet sighed. He had hoped to simply hide Lizzy's imprudent attachment from Collins, but it appeared that there was nothing for it but to be explicit. Mrs Bennet and the girls had not outright violated his moratorium on speaking of the so-called engagement between Lizzy and Dreadful Darcy, but nor had they gone to any great lengths to disguise it, either. "Unfortunately, I cannot. Lizzy is at that age where young women are known to fall in love against their better judgment and, though I had thought more of her sense, it seems that she has selected Darcy to bestow her romantic feelings upon. You may even hear whispers about the village that they are engaged, but," Bennet glared at Collins when a sudden surge of alarm caused the dolt's mouth to flop open; he would not be interrupted with a long speech at this moment, "I have denied my consent and so there is nothing they can do. Lizzy is not yet one-and-twenty and so must resign herself to my authority."

There was a long stretch of silence, which Bennet had thought impossible for his cousin to maintain, before Collins ventured, tentatively, "Forgive me, but I must ask, is my Cousin Elizabeth…pure? She has not…," he swallowed deeply as Bennet's glare hardened, "...given this Mr Darcy her virtue? A man in my position, you understand, who has been honored by the patronage of the right honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, cannot be seen to raise another man's child. If she has already given herself to another, perhaps it would be best for her to marry him rather than I who naturally looks to be happy in the marriage state. I would be amenable to taking Cousin Jane to wife inst – "

Bennet's fist came down upon the table with force enough to even surprise himself. Collins jolted upright in his chair and his pupils contracted in sudden fear. "Again, I will warn you to not insult my daughter. Elizabeth is as pure as the day she was born, I assure you, and you would do well to not forget it. You will never insinuate otherwise again, am I understood?"

Collins nodded so fervently that his head bobbled unsteadily.

"Good. Now, there have been some...complications with the reading of the banns and drawing up of the marriage articles, but I am still confident that we can arrange matters quickly enough for a Christmas wedding. If you still wish to introduce Lizzy to Lady Catherine, you may take her back with you to Kent and settle things there before returning to Longbourn – say until spring, perhaps? That should be enough time to console Lady Catherine and assist her in finding another clergyman to take your place. How does that sound?"

Bennet and Collins spoke at length of wedding plans and his obligations in Kent, eventually settling on a tentative return date in the summer, roughly around Lizzy's birthday. She would like that. And Collins turned out to be more persuadable than his earlier bluster had indicated. Overall, Bennet was satisfied.

o0o

Saturday

November 9, 1811

Bennet sat behind his desk, the same place he could generally be found on any given day, but instead of indulging in his usual literary pursuits he was stewing over the continued disobedience of his wife and daughters. Having always thought well of his own mental abilities, Bennet could barely fathom what was happening around him; since when had Mrs Bennet become clever enough to overthrow his carefully laid plans? A month ago, he would have deemed it impossible, utterly laughable, that she could best him, but the evidence was indisputable. She had found some way to counter each of his measures, undermining the actual betrothal between Collins and Lizzy while simultaneously promoting the contested engagement to Dastardly Darcy. And, Bennet was forced to admit, she did so most ably. It almost made him think well of her.

This latest ploy, for instance, Bennet had grudgingly admired as ingenious and wondered how she had thought of it at all. Perhaps Lizzy had put it into her mother's head? It was possible, but such underhanded means spoke more to Mrs Bennet's nature than his second daughter's, all cleverness aside. And it was not unknown for Mrs Bennet and her wretched sister to spread convenient rumors to further their social standing or damage that of someone else. But putting about that Collins was a confused imbecile, little better than a child, was so simple and so perfect as to imply a greater mind behind it. After all, Collins himself was so obliviously foolish that he promoted the gossip without even trying. And who could not understand the rules of whist? He had unwittingly played right into the opposition's hands by doing nothing more than being himself.

Sir William had visited only this morning under the premise of village business and brought the matter to his attention, no doubt scrounging for more information to spread about the neighborhood. The man was as inveterate a gossip as his wife, no matter how courtly his manners. Bennet had, of course, attempted to disabuse Sir William of the notion of Collins' simple mindedness, but even in the moment had realized the futility of it. Bennet himself almost believed it after having spent so many days together in his cousin's company (sometimes quite against his will). There was nothing to be done except ignore the whispers and proceed as if they did not exist. Imbecile or not, Collins would inherit and Lizzy would be his bride. If she should suffer additional embarrassment due to the misinformation she and her mother had propagated, then it was on her own head. Bennet would not yield simply because it was widely known that Collins was stupid; it would have become obvious eventually, in any case.

No, the bigger problem was Dreadful Darcy toying with Lizzy's heart and expectations. The blackguard had yet to submit to the inevitable and give up his pursuit, regardless of how little Bennet had swayed from his position. Not even the appearance of Lizzy's actual fiance had shamed Darcy into renouncing his claim, which was disgusting to Bennet. What was the blackguard's game? It seemed like ridiculous lengths to go to just to trick Lizzy into the sin Collins had feared because, surely, there were more vulnerable maidens out there to be had. Darcy must be obsessed with her, that was the only explanation. Unless it was more about his masculine pride to leave without achieving his ultimate goal.

Regardless of the motivations of an unscrupulous rake, Bennet would have to reason – again – with Lizzy if Diabolical Darcy would not walk away; it seemed that he would only be dissuaded by her dismissal. All previous attempts to convince Lizzy had met with failure, but if Bennet had something concrete to present to her, some sort of logic which she could not dispute, she might be swayed to a proper way of thinking. Bennet would have to turn his not inconsiderable faculties to the task of persuading her.

SLAM!

Bennet jumped nearly a foot out of his chair when the door to his study flew open and collided with the wall, revealing his cousin standing at the threshold in some sort of wild-eyed discomposure. Already familiar with Collins' sense of the dramatic – unfortunately similar to that of Mrs Bennet's – Bennet slumped back into his chair and resisted the urge to snap at Collins for startling him. He could not admit to even the appearance of rattled nerves.

Collins, without awaiting proper invitation, scurried into the room and over to where Bennet was composing his temper. Above his fat head, Collins was waving a collection of sheets covered back to front with elegant, spidery writing. "Cousin Bennet! It is most distressing – indeed, I do not know what to think – but Mr Darcy – my patroness – Cousin Elizabeth – we must do something!"

"I have not the pleasure of understanding you, Collins; of what are you talking?"

"Of Mr Darcy and Cousin Elizabeth!" Collins exclaimed with panicked vehemence. It would not have surprised Bennet one whit had his cousin then stamped his foot in temper, thereby making the comparison between him and Mrs Bennet complete, but Collins contained himself.

"That much I had gathered," replied Bennet wryly. "However, their little understanding is not news. What, specifically, has upset you so?"

Collins placed one palm flat upon the surface of the desk between them and leaned forward to rattle the pages crumpled in his other hand directly beneath Bennet's nose. "I have had a response to my last letter from Lady Catherine and she says that I must marry my cousin as soon as possible! It is absolutely imperative that she not be allowed to distract Mr Darcy with her arts and allurements any more than she already has!"

Bennet snatched the letter from Collins to prevent it further abusing him and, after seeking permission, began to read what the old dame had to say on the subject of Lizzy and Darcy the Dreadful.

Mr Collins,

I am most alarmed at what you have written me in your last. To think that such an abominable, pretentious upstart exists in all the world – and that she has been promised to you these ten years at least! It is in every way intolerable and I must insist that you do everything in your power to rectify the situation. Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy is my nephew and, more importantly, intended for my daughter, Anne; if what you say is true, this Miss Elizabeth Bennet has used her wiles to make him forget what he owes to himself and all the family and it is not to be borne! Mr Darcy is engaged to my daughter and not some little country nobody without connections or fortune.

The missive continued on in the same abusive manner for the rest of the page and partway through the next and so Bennet skimmed his way through until he found something more pertinent.

...you will not return to Hunsford without securing Miss Elizabeth Bennet as your wife and saving Darcy from the ignominy of a disastrous match. If your next does not reassure me of your success in this endeavor, I shall venture into Hertfordshire and speak to these Bennets myself. I am not accustomed to being denied and I shall carry my point if you cannot do so in my stead. Do not fail me in this, Collins, or you shall face the consequences of my wrath.

Four pages written entirely through with her thoughts on Lizzy's supposed inferiority and Damnable Darcy's obligations elsewhere proved Lady Catherine to be as ridiculous a correspondent as her pet parson. Bennet almost wished, rather darkly, that he could trade letters with her himself.

Though he was naturally insulted by the lengthy denigration of his daughter, his family and his own position in the world, Bennet pushed his offense away to focus upon the important message buried within the vitriol. It seemed that Lizzy's preferred suitor was already engaged himself to a cousin, much as she was. Bennet had always suspected that the wealthy, seemingly perfect Mr Darcy had singled his Lizzy out to be trifled with and this new information proved it. Now Bennet had something concrete to impeach the blackguard's veneer of respectability and lift the veil of infatuation from his favorite's eyes.

"We must act immediately, Cousin," blurted Collins after so many minutes of standing silently; Bennet suspected that he had held himself back from speaking for as long as he could. "Cousin Elizabeth cannot be allowed to continue leading Mr Darcy astray with her arts and allurements. Lady Catherine – "

"I have warned you already not to question my daughter's integrity, have I not, Collins?" Bennet broke in, transferring his scowl from the pages still held between his hands to his cousin. Collins swallowed audibly. "I can assure you that Darcy was the one to pursue Lizzy and not the other way around. As an innocent maiden, she cannot be blamed for the actions of an opportunistic rake."

"But – "

"And I do not wish to hear Lady Catherine's opinion of Darcy's greatness in comparison to my Lizzy. She has expounded upon that theme thoroughly in her letter," Bennet shook the offending missive, "and I care not to listen to more from you. I will also remind you that, without my consent, she cannot marry anyone so there is little immediate danger to your patroness' precious nephew."

Collins visibly calmed, his shoulders slumping in relief as if he had only just recalled the plans which they had already discussed at length. "B-But what shall I write to Lady Catherine?"

"Exactly what I have just said – that there is no danger of Lizzy marrying Darcy because I have refused them consent. There is no need for her to travel fifty miles just to see to things personally; it is all in hand." Bennet stood, tossed Lady Catherine's letter on top of the papers already scattered across his desk and walked the few steps that would take him to the bell pull. "Now, go send word to her ladyship that she has nothing to worry about."

Bennet rang the bell and returned to his seat. Collins remained standing before the desk, wringing his hands together, and babbling about how important it was to divide Darcy from Lizzy, how angry his patroness was at this development and the very great consequences to himself should they fail at their task. Bennet ignored him.

A few minutes later, there was a light rap at the door, Bennet bid the person enter and Mrs Hill stepped into the room. She stood at the threshold waiting for instruction. "Mrs Hill, find Miss Lizzy and send her to me."

Author's Note: Ho ho, the plot continues to thicken! Up next is the "audience participation" chapter featuring Mrs Bennet's POV! It's sadly too late to send in your ideas, but I hope you enjoy what's coming anyway. Yes, the Philips card/supper party will be featured so you can see a bit of what Mr Bennet was complaining about above. And more ;)

On that note, think Mr Bennet is starting to reconsider some of his formerly held positions? Mr Collins in person is more "real" than the Mr Collins on paper and Bennet can't completely ignore that. We'll see how it goes from here.

Speaking of Mr Collins, a couple reviewers were surprised that he didn't recognize Darcy right away as Lady Catherine's nephew. To those people, I would like to remind you that he doesn't immediately make the connection in the original, either, hence his awkward self-introduction to Darcy at the Netherfield Ball. I used that ignorance to my advantage here, tee hee.

Onward!

Btw, as of next week we're officially switching to posting TWICE per week on Mondays and Fridays. I meant to do this at the beginning of June, but my behind-handedness is well documented. So you can expect an update on Monday, June 15th as well as the 19th. Such it will be until the end. Also, please note the updated Expected Completion Date; despite the delays, rewrites and additional chapters along the way, we should still pull this train into the station by the end of next month. Huzzah! See you Monday.

Next Update: June 15, 2020 (MONDAY)
Expected Completion: July 31, 2020

– MrsMarySmythe