Chapter 33

Anakin was pleased to receive word from Obi-Wan that his presence was required to escort Duchess Satine and a Death Watch prisoner to Coruscant. It would be good to see Obi-Wan again although he was less excited to see Satine. From what Obi-Wan had told him about her, they were very unlikely to get on. She was far too pressed into her ridiculous beliefs. He much preferred Padme who wanted peace and would much rather negotiate than use violence but she understood that violence was sometimes the only option. Or 'aggressive negotiations' as they called it between themselves. He had seen enough of the galaxy to know that violence was all some people knew and the only way to deal with them was respond in kind. Alright, maybe he got carried away occasionally, as Obi-Wan frequently reminded him but that didn't mean it was unnecessary.

The journey to Mandalore was quick and uneventful much to his gratitude. Kit Fisto had taken over his place, holding the blockade over Dantooine. When he arrived, he spotted Satine marching away from Obi-Wan, not looking very happy.

"I'm so glad to see you." Obi-Wan said, letting out a relieved sigh.

"You look tired." He said in concern.

"The peaceful ways of the locals wore me out a bit." Obi-Wan told him. Anakin chuckled slightly and squeezed his arm. They boarded the ship with Rex, Cody and the rest of the Clones. Apparently Vizsla was already on board in a holding cell. As they got underway, the two Jedi briefed the Clones. They both suspected that the droids from before had been snuck on board once more. What they weren't sure about was the additional problem of stopping Vizsla getting away. Once they had finished the briefing, they received a message saying that Satine had requested them. They got into the lift.

"I sense some anxiety in you." Anakin said curiously. "We will protect the Duchess."

"I know." Obi-Wan sighed.

"Nor will we allow Vizsla to get away."

"I have complete faith in our combined abilities."

"So why..?" Anakin asked, confused.

"It's not important."

"I would disagree. If it's bothering you, then it's important." Anakin frowned. Obi-Wan sighed.

"I wasn't sure it was even worth mentioning but…" He was cut off by the lift arriving. Anakin cursed inwardly and resolved to bring it up again later. Whatever it was clearly wasn't as small as Obi-Wan was trying to make out. As they walked into the room, Satine was trying to convince the other Senators that they had somehow been deceived into thinking that they were already a part in this war. Anakin rolled his eyes, not even bothering to hide it. She was ridiculous. One of her retinue asked if she planned to oppose the war on humanitarian grounds. She replied that she was going to oppose it as an affront to life itself. Unable to listen to this any longer, Anakin stepped forwards.

"Sometimes, the best defense is a good offense. Besides, war doesn't ask politely if you are willing to join, it comes as it will. The Republic may allow you not to side with them but I doubt the Separatists will be so kind."

"Master Kenobi, General...Skywalker, I presume." She greeted, glaring at Anakin coldly. He returned her glare impassively.

"Forgive us for interrupting, your Highness." Obi-Wan cut in, bowing slightly. "May I introduce my fellow Jedi, Anakin Skywalker." Anakin spotted the coldness melt just a fraction as she looked at Obi-Wan.

"Your Highness." Anakin said, inclining his head just enough that he could not be considered disrespectful.

"I remember a time when Jedi were not Generals but peacekeepers." Satine sniffed disapprovingly.

"We are protectors." Anakin stated flatly. "Yours currently. We fight for peace." He saw Obi-Wan give him a warning look. "Highness." He added. She chuckled coldly.

"What an amusing contradiction." Satine said.

"What Master Skywalker means is that we are acting at the behest of your Highness to protect you from the Death Watch and the Separatists who do not share your neutral point of view." Obi-Wan stepped in before Anakin could reply. Probably for the best really. Anakin despised people who looked down on him for who he was and what he did. He had had enough of that as a slave. This Duchess thought she was better than him because she naively wanted peace and he was ok with fighting back.

"I did not ask for this." Satine snapped.

"That may be so but the majority of your court did." Obi-Wan told her and Anakin noticed a definite softening in his tone. Did these two know each other? Obviously Obi-Wan knew her having lived this but did she know him? He hadn't mentioned anything, although there had been a lot of information thrown at him when they discussed the future. Obi-Wan couldn't be expected to mention everybody he knew.

"I do not remember you as one to hide behind excuses." Satine replied. Well, that answered that question.

"I do not remember you as one to shrink from responsibilities." Obi-Wan retorted. Anakin hid a snicker, even as he wondered. It was sounding as if they knew each other fairly well. Yet he knew Obi-Wan had not been to Mandalore while Anakin was around and Obi-Wan's description of this mission last time hadn't suggested anything.

"Duchess Satine and General Kenobi have proven there are two sides to every dilemma." One of the Senators interrupted and Anakin was rather disappointed. He adored Obi-Wan's snarky attitude. It was brilliant to watch. "In regards to the Senate vote…" He continued but was cut off by Satine.

"I believe a multitude creates discord, not good council." In other words, shut up she's deciding for everyone because she knows best. Anakin rolled his eyes again. He should probably leave before he said something bad. Thankfully the Senator suggested dinner. He and Obi-Wan headed to their assigned quarters.

"So, you and Satine know each other?" He asked as they made their way down a corridor. He could have sworn he saw a guilty expression cross Obi-Wan's face. Then it was gone and he figured he had imagined it.

"An extended mission when I was still a Padawan. Master Qui-Gon and I spent a year on Mandalore, protecting the Duchess from insurgents who threatened her world. They sent bounty hunters after us and we were always on the run, living hand to mouth."

"Sounds...romantic." Anakin tried for a teasing tone but something stirred in his stomach. It was a few moments before he recognised it as jealousy. Which was completely stupid. Obi-Wan gave him a look that was clearly supposed to be scathing but there was that hint of guilt that he thought he had imagined before. "So it was romantic?"

"Not exactly. Running from bounty hunters permanently is definitely not romantic but Satine and I...yes we had feelings for each other. Once the civil war was over, she took on the difficult task of rebuilding her world alone."

"You didn't stay to help?" Anakin asked, proud that only a little bitterness came out. Obi-Wan hadn't even known he existed then, he had every right to a past. That didn't mean he had to like it. And he liked Satine even less now. They arrived at their quarters and Obi-Wan sat down heavily.

"My duties as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere."

"Demanded? You had feelings for her! Did that not affect your decision?" Anakin wondered. Obi-Wan had clearly chosen the Jedi over love once before, would he eventually do it again? Would he decide he didn't want to do this anymore? Panic rose up inside him and he struggled to breath properly. Maybe he wouldn't continue to be enough to persuade Obi-Wan it was worth leaving the Jedi for good.

"Then, I lived by the Jedi code." Obi-Wan continued. Then he looked up and noticed Anakin's expression. Sudden understanding dawned across his face. "That was a very long time ago, even more so by my standards. You were the one who showed me there are more important things. I chose the Jedi then. Now, I will always choose you, Ani." Obi-Wan told him firmly. "I had feelings for Satine once, yes but they faded the same way yours did for Padme." He continued. The sincerity in his voice was clear and Anakin felt himself relaxing. He was being silly. Still, he had to ask.

"You said you chose the Jedi but did she ever ask you to stay?" He winced as his voice came out slightly strangled but he needed to know. Obi-Wan sighed.

"No. She didn't. If she had then I would have chosen to stay with her." He admitted. At first, Anakin felt relieved. He knew that was probably not how he was supposed to feel but it was good to know that Obi-Wan, even then, would have given up the Jedi for love. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. Then he realised how much Obi-Wan had loved Satine and he felt jealousy rising up once again. It wasn't just him that Obi-Wan would break the rules for. He wasn't special, Satine just hadn't fought hard enough or actually asked him to break the rules. Obi-Wan stood up and pulled him into a tight hug. Anakin buried his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder, trying to sort out his confusing emotions.

"Satine never asked me so I chose the Jedi. You never even had to ask. I broke the rules for you without even thinking. It was never a choice with you but an expectation. There was never another option. I love you, Ani."

"I love you too." Anakin said quietly. He would have to hope that would be enough. He let Obi-Wan hold him, enjoying the comfort until his commlink beeped and Rex reported he had lost contact with two of his men. Anakin cursed. The droids were on board. Obi-Wan said he would be down to assist them.

"I'll go." Anakin said. "I could do with killing something, even if it's just a droid."

"Ani…" Obi-Wan sounded concerned.

"I'm ok." Anakin assured him, honestly. Obi-Wan had allayed his fears, which, deep down, he knew were unfounded in the first place. "I just want to swing my lightsaber around." The older Jedi did not look convinced but then suddenly he pouted.

"If the droids are here and you go down there that means I have to go to the Senator's dinner." He complained.

"Yep. I'm not in the mood to deal with Satine." Anakin told him. Obi-Wan winced.

"Yeah, ok. You owe me one." That did make Anakin laugh.

"Sure, sure." He made to leave but Obi-Wan pulled him back, hugging him tightly once more.

"Please be careful. I want you back in one piece." Anakin smiled softly and nodded, a little ashamed of his insecurity. They went their separate ways. He arrived back in the hold and met up with Rex.

"General, still no word from Mixer and Redeye and the little astromech is acting weird." Rex told him.

"Alright Rex, gather all the men here, and protect the lifts. I'll look for Redeye and Mixer."

"Yes, Sir." Rex commed all the Clones and Anakin set off, lightsaber ignited, Artoo at his side with his scanner out. Anakin listened very carefully but could hear nothing except Artoo beside him. In the darkness ahead, he saw Redeye moving really awkwardly. With a jolt he realised it reminded him of the Geonosians in the creepy Temple. He leapt forwards, slashing with his lightsaber, aiming just above Redeye's head. There were sparks as he hit metal. Two metal spider legs clattered to the floor.

"General!" Came Rex's voice.

"Stay by the lifts, Rex. I've got this." He called back. The droid threw him backwards, sending two smaller crates after him. He dodged neatly and rolled sideways, jumping up and slashing as it came at him again. His lightsaber sent straight through the middle of it. He heard the sounds of blaster fire and was about to head to help his men when movement caught his attention. Several little spider things were crawling out of the bigger one. Anakin jumped back and began slashing them. Once they were all dead he headed straight for the Clones. One lay dead and the rest were shooting several dozen more smaller ones, a second bigger droid lay on the floor to the left. Anakin jumped into action but the smaller droids fled up the lift that had been partially forced open.

"Damn them." Rex cursed. Anakin activated his commlink.

"Obi-Wan, the assassin probes were here. We've killed two of the big ones but some smaller ones escaped up the lift. They are heading in your direction." He reported. Then he turned back to the Clones. "We need to find who smuggled this on board. This was not on here by accident." He did as before and found the manifest. Then he took it upstairs to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan decided to keep to the original plan and use one of the small droids to prove Merrik was the traitor. Anakin still had a third assassin probe to find.

He made his way back down to the Clones. They decided to split up to find the third one. Anakin went one way and the Clones went the other. A few minutes later his commlink went off.

"Anakin, Merrik sort of took Satine hostage again." Obi-Wan confessed in a sheepish voice.

"Seriously? I still have an assassin droid to find, I'll join you soon." As he finished the sentence the sounds of blaster fire reached him. He dashed to the left and spotted the Clones shooting at another big droid. As he arrived it crashed to the floor. Anakin made sure to slash through every little one as it emerged. With that taken care of, he went to join Obi-Wan.

"Check on Vizsla, we don't want Merrik to get him free." Anakin ordered the Clones.

"Yes, General." Rex said. Anakin ran to a lift. As he ran down a corridor, Obi-Wan came running towards him.

"He is most likely on the bridge." Obi-Wan said. "Calling for help."

"I've sent the Clones to check on Vizsla." Anakin said.

"Good. I'll head for the bridge, you help the clones. If he manages to call for help, that'll be their first stop." Obi-Wan said. Anakin nodded. There was nobody around so he pulled Obi-Wan in for a kiss before leaving.

The holding cell area was quiet. Rex and Cody stood outside Vizsla's cell while the remainder of the Clones patrolled the area.

"Listen up boys, we might be having company. If Merrik had called for help, droids are probably on the way."

"We'll turn 'em into scrap metal, General." One of the Clones called out. The rest cheered at this statement and Anakin grinned.

"That's my kinda thinking." They waited and listened but there was no impact that suggested they had been boarded. Maybe Obi-Wan had gotten there on time. Having heard nothing in a while, Anakin told the Clones to stay alert and went looking for Obi-Wan. He heard voices up ahead to slowed his approach. As he got within hearing distance he could make out Satine confessing she had loved Obi-Wan since she had rescued her all those years ago. Anakin felt his hackles rise. It was even worse when Obi-Wan tried to tell her it wasn't the right time before admitting that he would have left the Jedi had she asked. Pain wracked his chest. It was one thing to know it, it was quite another to hear Obi-Wan telling Satine that. Maybe he wanted her to ask him now? Maybe Obi-Wan's feelings hadn't faded as much as he thought. It took all of his willpower not to charge around the corner. He could hear Merrik scoffing but couldn't make out the words through the ringing in his ears.

Sounds of fast movement drew him out of his daze. Peeking around the corner, he saw Satine with a gun pointed at Merrik and Obi-Wan with his lightsaber out.

"I still win." Merrik was saying. "The second I'm away, I'll blow the Coronet to bits." There was a remote in his hand. Anakin could probably have used the Force to get it away from him but if he got it even a second wrong the button would get pressed. So he waited for Obi-Wan to deal with it. Merrik gleefully pointed out that Satine wouldn't shoot him so couldn't stop him. "And you, Kenobi. You'd be hailed as a hero by everyone on the ship. Well, almost everyone." Merrik glanced at Satine. Anakin saw red. Obi-Wan was going to risk the entire ship, risk Anakin, to impress Satine? Not on his kriffing watch. He leapt forwards and plunged his lightsaber through the man's chest with a savage pleasure before reaching down to catch the detonator.

"You are going nowhere." Anakin spat, glaring down at the body simply so he wouldn't have to look at Obi-Wan. Satine threw the gun away as if it had burned her.

"Well done, Anakin. Glad you got here in time." Obi-Wan said. That made his pause. Wait, he approved of killing the guy? Well why hadn't he done that himself then? Anakin looked up in time to see the glare Satine levelled at both of them.

"Someone had to save all of our skins." Anakin stated bitterly, still not looking at the other man.

"Is that what you call murder? Is that how you sleep at night by justifying it to yourselves?" Satine asked scornfully.

"I sleep at night thinking of all the people I saved with my actions." Anakin snapped. "Next time, I'll be sure to let him blow you up." With that, he stormed off to tell Rex and the Clones that it was safe before he could get too tempted to stab her too. Though he still wanted a guard on Vizsla.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called after him but Anakin ignored it. Once he had finished speaking with the Clones he wondered what he was going to do next.

He did not want to face Obi-Wan just yet. Then it struck him that he had murdered Merrik purely out of anger and he had enjoyed it. It was such a rush to vent his anger. Sure he had saved the ship but that hadn't been on his mind. He had been angry at Obi-Wan and murdered someone. It made him sick. He sat down heavily on the floor and put his head in his hands, trying not to cry. He was a terrible Jedi and a terrible person. Maybe Obi-Wan would be better off with Satine, no matter how aggravating she was. Sure, Merrik had probably deserved to die but he was not the target of Anakin's anger, just the one he had been able to take it out on. Flashes of himself as the so called Darth Vader swam before his eyes and he lost the battle with his stomach, throwing up on the floor beside him.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice sounded alarmed.

"Go away." Anakin told him, through the sobs that now wracked his body.

"And leave you in this state? Absolutely not." Obi-Wan replied sounding as if the suggestion was utterly ridiculous. "Come on, let's get you back to the sleeping quarters."

"I'm fine here. Just go."

"Not until you tell me what this is about. I figured you'd rather do that somewhere more private." Obi-Wan said, kneeling beside him.

"You mean you'd rather do it somewhere more private! Can't have anyone finding out about us and our dirty little secret." Anakin snapped. Glancing up he saw the hurt and shock on Obi-Wan's face and part of him regretted that. He still didn't want to cause the other man pain. Nor did he really mean it but he wanted Obi-Wan to leave him alone. He didn't want to be seen in this pathetic state.

"Ok, now we are definitely talking about this." Obi-Wan said firmly. "Is this about what I told you earlier?"

"No, this is about you telling Satine. Were you hoping she'd ask you to stay this time? Would you rather stay with her?" Anakin asked, trying to sound angry but he didn't have the energy anymore.

"Of course not." Obi-Wan sounded both confused and surprised. "I didn't want him blowing up the ship and I thought he would take her. I assumed I wouldn't see her ever again and given that I no longer feel that way I figured it didn't matter."

"But it was quite alright to let him blow up the ship instead of killing him just to impress Satine!" Anakin snapped.

"I wasn't going to let him blow up the ship!" Obi-Wan protested, sounding slightly angry himself at the accusation. "I was about to do something about it but you beat me to it. Nor do I care about impressing Satine."

"How did I manage to beat you to it? I was much further away! You paused because you didn't want her mad at you."

"Oh, you know that for definite do you?" Obi-Wan challenged angrily. "For your information I paused because I guessed he would be expecting me to attack and didn't want him to blow up the ship before I could reach him." Oh. Anakin hadn't considered that. Shame replaced the anger.

"Right." He said but his voice was small and ashamed now.

"Oh, Ani." Obi-Wan's voice softened. He pulled Anakin into a hug. "I told you I don't care for Satine anymore. It's you I love. I wish you had a little more faith in me."

"I have faith in you. Always. It's me I don't trust." Anakin admitted.

"What?" Obi-Wan was confused again.

"I don't trust myself to be enough to deserve you." Each word was incredibly painful. He felt more vulnerable than ever. "You've seen what I do. You know what I could turn into. How could you ever keep loving someone like that? I slaughtered Merrik. I'm a monster."

"He was going to destroy the entire ship."

"Yes but I didn't care. I was so angry." Anakin confessed, cringing at his own words and what Obi-Wan must think of him after such an admission. He hid his face once more

"And I'm assuming that delightful pile of vomit is the result of you realising what you had done?" Obi-Wan asked, in a much kinder voice than Anakin had been expecting. "The fact that you felt so guilty about it, you were sick shows you are still a good person. You are so far from being a monster, Anakin Skywalker. You are the best man I've ever had the pleasure of knowing! Besides, Merrik was going to die, it is simply your motivation for killing him that is the problem. We will deal with it together, whatever else may happen. Maybe some more meditation. No taking you to see any more old flames." His tone was light and Anakin guessed, or at least hoped, he was joking and managed a small laugh.

"I think one is enough for now." He said.

"Agreed." Obi-Wan said. "Now, come on, I can't cuddle you properly down here. Let's get to bed." He pulled Anakin to his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist as they slowly made their way back to their quarters. Once inside, Anakin collapsed onto the bed, drained beyond belief. Obi-Wan stripped him down to his underwear and then did the same for himself before clambering onto the bed beside him.

"Obi, I…" Anakin began, words slurring slightly.

"We'll finish talking about this in the morning. For now, just rest, love." Obi-Wan told him softly. Anakin felt himself being moved around until they were both lying down, his head resting on Obi-Wan's chest. He wanted to say more but his eyelids closed of their own volition and sleep claimed him.

Morning dawned and Anakin was deliciously comfortable. He was in the same position as when he had fallen asleep and Obi-Wan's chest made a very good pillow. Then the events of the day before came rushing back and he sat up quickly.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan's voice was concerned.

"Oh god. Kriffing hell." Anakin muttered.

"Ani. It's going to be ok. I promise. One slip does not make you a monster. You clearly regret what you did. If you were truly a monster you wouldn't give a damn. If you ever get close to falling this time, I will be there to catch you. I promise." Obi-Wan said fervently. He sounded so sure that Anakin felt himself relax. Even if he couldn't trust himself, he could trust Obi-Wan.

"If I ever do fall, if that future ever happens, you need to kill me, Obi-Wan. I want you to promise that if you can't save me, you will kill me. I don't ever want to do those things." Anakin begged him.

"Not an option. There is always another way and I will find it. I will always find a way to save you." Obi-Wan replied firmly. "Even from yourself." In that moment Anakin believed him. He nodded.

"I trust you."

"Good. Now, about the other delusion you seemed to be under. I hope you know that I would never risk your life, let alone those on the ship, simply to impress someone. In fact I should be rather horrified to want to impress someone who thought that was anything to be proud of. Anyone who would rather I let a ship blow up, killing everyone on board, instead of killing one man, is not someone I could ever like let alone love."

"You're still too good for me." Anakin mumbled.

"Nonsense." Obi-Wan scoffed. "I'm hardly perfect, Ani. I've made plenty of mistakes myself. And I don't mean in that awful future that won't ever happen." He added, clearly having spotted Anakin opening his mouth to argue. "I love you, Ani. Nothing, and I mean nothing will ever change that. You're quite stuck with me I'm afraid." With that declaration, Anakin finally let himself relax completely.

"That's good because you happen to be stuck with me too." He gave the older man a weak smile.

"I'm sure there are worse people to be stuck with." Obi-Wan pretended to think about it. Anakin poked him in the ribs. "Yes, I mean, I could have been landed with Jabba the Hutt."

"Seriously?" Anakin gave him a mock glare. Obi-Wan smirked. "You got the lucky end of the stick. I got landed with a decrepit, old man."

"Decrepit?" Obi-Wan repeated, looking offended.

"Yep. To be fair to the guy, he is ancient. Probably belongs in a museum." Anakin continued. Now he was the one smirking.

"You need to learn respect for your elders." Obi-Wan told him, swatting the back of his head. Then he leant over and kissed his hair. Then his smile dropped and he became serious again. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah." Anakin said. And it was true. He still felt guilty and probably always would but he would learn from it and work even harder to control his temper. "I'm sorry for being such a mess."

"We're all a mess deep down, Ani." Obi-Wan told him. "Even if we don't show it."

"Even you?"

"Especially me." Obi-Wan nodded. Then he leant over and kissed Anakin firmly.