Chapter 23: Something Went Horribly Wrong?

I woke up in the middle of that night, my room was drafty but that was good since it was FREAKING JULY and it was HOT AS SHIT indoors, so the cool breeze blowing into my room was welcome! But do you know what wasn't welcome? THE FRIGGIN' PRESSURE ON MY BLADDER, THAT'S WHAT WASN'T WELCOME!

I carefully climed out of bed so i didn't disturb demongo, he was asleep next to me and hugging one of my pillows like a teddy bear, guess he had one at home but felt he couldn't bring it to my house because it would be awkward to bring your teddy bear when you're going to have sex. But I had my collection of stuffed unicorns around my bed so he really didn't have to feel self conscious, but it was probably because he hadn't seen my room before and didn't know I still had stuffed toys myself.

That was a good thing that he hadn't invaded my room before, probably. Othwerwise I might have to arrest him (since I'm a Commander in the army I can make a citizen's arrest) but he'd probably be able to get out of prison he's a dmon for crying out loud! But he's been a nice demon so far so he's okay.

I went to the bathrroom, it's the first thing in my morning routine and is very improtant! Never hold in your waste it's bad for you you could go to the hospital! So to avoid going to the hospital (like Ben... and Dexter... and Curtis... and Vilgax... and like nearly everyone in this story), I went to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet it was cold but I just had to soldier through it. after it was done I got up and tuened around to flush, but what was that?!

The bowl was full of pregnancy tests, and they were now soaked in my pee, and every single frigging one of them was showing a plus.

"DARN IT MOM!" I screamed out, "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THESE THINGS AREN'T MEANT TO BE FLUSHED?!"

"Sorry Honey the trash can was full!" Mom called from downstairs in the kitchen where she was making breakfast.

"UGH," I sighed, then realized what this could mean. "Wait a minute. Am I pregnant... or is my Mom?"

I was so scraed I vibrated out of the bathroom (after washing my hands of course, with water and soap, it's very important!) and downstairs. "M-M-Mom?!" I asked. "A-Are you kregnant?!"

"I don't know sweetie," Mom said happily flipping pancakes. "Dr. Holliday said there was a chance at my last exam, you were there you know but you didn't hear, so I bought a box of preganncy tests to check but none of them showed up?"

"OH FOOSH" I said, my chest tightening in dismay. "MOM! YOU GOTTA TAKE ANOTHER ONE! OR I SHOULD! ONE OF US IS PREGNANT!"

"What?!"

"I JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND PISSED ALL OVER THE TESTS AND FREAKING ALL OF THEM ARE POSITIVE NOW AND I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WERE BEFORE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE THEM AT FIRST SO WE GOTTA TEST OURSELVES AGAIN BECAUSE ONE OF US IS SURELY PREGNANT I MEAN IT'S EVERY FREAKING TEST THAT'S POSITIVE MOM THERE'S NO FALSE POSITIVE HERE!"

"Oh no!" Mom said. "I used all of the tests to make sure there wasn't a false psoitive and that was the last box at the store, what do we do?!"

"MOM MY LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING I CAN'T HAVE A BABY NOW"

"Honey, calm down," Mom said, "whatever happens, I will be here to support you 100% of the way."

"Sniff... thanks, Mom..."

Just then my cell phone ran, it was Dr. Him. "Hello, Ms. Walter!" he said. "I wanted to give you a call to check in, how have you been since your diagnosis?"

"Every day is an unbearable struggle through the hellscape that has become my life," I replied, "but thank you for checking in Doc that is so sweet of you! But now I'm worried I might be pregnant!"

"I see," siad Dr. Him, "when was the last time you had sex, Ms. Walter? If you don't mind me asking."

"Last night."

"And with whom? Forgive my intrusive questions, but regarding my previous advice to you to refrain from having sex with those who could contract your chlamydia, I wasn't to make sure your partner and you could actually conceive a baby in the first place."

"It was with Demongo the Soulstealer, Sir."

"Demongo, eh?" Him said distastefully, Demongo used to bully him in high school. But they were past that now so he let it go to be the bigger person. "Well, I suppose it is possible for you to have a child with him, but what makes you think you might be pregnant?"

"I peed on a buttload of tests and they all say positive, but I'm not sure if they said positive before I used them, they were all thrown in the toilet you see. It is a long story.

"I see. Well, I do have some good news for you, in this case: if you had sex last night it would still be too soon for a test to come back positive. You have to wait a few days or so."

"Oh really?!" I said jumping for joy! "Yes! Thank you Doc!"

"You're always welcome, Ms. Walter," Dr. Him said smiling at my ethusiasm before turning serious again, "But if this wasn't the first time you'd had sex with him, there's still a chance that they're positive for you."

I froze. "Oh no." I muttered. I had previously had sex with Demongo, after I had sex with Eldridge Johnsonmeyer. And in that case, the baby could've even been Elridge's! "Uhh, Doc," I said, my voice shaking, "n-no, it's not my first time with him... we had sex two days ago, and the day before that I had sex with a tree."

"Hmm, well, I don't think you're pegnant with a tree's child."

"BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND DOC!" I cried. "HE'S A MAGIC TREE!"

"You had sex with the Magic Tree in the middle of the K.N.D. Jungle Outpost?!" Dr. Him said I could tell he was startled!

"No!" I said quickly. "It was a taking tree on an island off of Bravo Beach, son of a bitch flirted with my mom before the act too!"

"While that is highly upsetting Ms. Walter and I'm sorry you had to go through that, I still don't think you have to worry. But your earlier encounter with Demongo concerns me. You may be pregnant from your first coitus with him."

"Oh fock, oh fock, what do I do?!" I said, I was panicking now, prancing around and flapping my hands I was so scared, and I was cooling off the pancakes by accident with all my dancing.

"I would recommend taking another test," said Dr. Him.

"But that was the last one we had," I said through my tears. "And the store is fresh out. Must be becsaue of all these teen pregnancies going around."

"Oh! That's not a problem, Ms. Walter!" he said happily. "Didn't you know you could get a pregnancy test at the gynecologist's?"

"I can?!"

"Yes!" Dr. Him flipped through his rolodex "If you come by in about fifteen minutes, I can conduct the test myself."

"Okay, thank you!" I said happily. "I'll eat breakfast and be right over!" I said goodbye and hung up, and shared the news with mom.

"I'll come too," she said, "because what if those tests were pisitive because of my pee instead?"

"Ew, yuck," I growled, squirming in my seat as Mom set a plate with a fat stack of pancakes on it in front of me. "My mom having sex..."

Demongo came downstairs and joined us, he said good morning to Mom and she gave him some pancakes too and we all ate together but Demongo nearly died because he got syrup on his flame and nearly put it out. Double-Double-U also came down for breakfast but he's in college and his sleep schedule is shit and we were already done and getting ready to leave, he wished us luck and also shuddered at the thought of Mom having sex (which is necessary to become pregnant, so she had to have done it to make the tests positive, and so the thought was disturbing us more and more every minute). (I've always wanted my own children but am too afraid that if I had children my family would never be able to look me in the eye again knowing I'd had sex to make said child. My boyfriend says that doesn't make any sense because every single of them (and us) was made with sex so why should they judge me? But he respects my feelings. But we both want to have children someday, but I guess we'll just have to skip town and take new names if and when it happens.)

So we all drove to the gynecologist's office, me, Mom, and Demongo came along too since there was a chance he was the father. If I wasn't farther along. It was possible my theoretical child was Decter's... or even Curtis's. My life was quickly turning into freaking Mamma Mia!.

We got out og the car in the OBGYN parking lot and went inside. Only one way to learn the truth...